This Is How I Disappear
by writehavoc
Summary: A shy girl named Chuck finds herself in the exact place she doesn't want to be, in the zombie apocalypse living with violent men in a desolate nursing home. After Negan, her former gym teacher, finds her, will he be the savior she was looking for? (AU) (Negan/Original Female Character) (Status: Complete) (Contains: swearing, violence, sexual assault, blood, smut) (18 plus only)
1. Chapter 1

Tears stream down Chuck's face as she sits in her small room, writing in her diary. It wasn't always like this. Sure, it's the apocalypse and all, but it hadn't always been this bad for her. After the dead started walking, Chuck had wandered around by herself for a while. She knew that people would be scared and desperate and, therefore, dangerous, so she tried her best to stay away from them. Having zero experience with weapons and poor fighting skills meant that simply not engaging groups of the living or the dead was the easiest and most effective way to survive for Chuck. At least for a time, anyway.

Chuck moved from place to place, as long as it was desolate and safe. When other people or the dead got too close, she'd leave to find another place to call home. At first, food and water weren't that hard to find, but after a while, supplies became severely limited as buildings were picked over by other survivors.

While looking for the provisions that she desperately needed, Chuck ran across what appeared to be a formerly upscale nursing home surrounded by a high fence. There was a faded wooden sign set beside a large gate painted with the words "Rolling Acres". She staked it out and discovered that a small group of people had made it their home. These people were mostly middle aged and elderly men and women, but there were a few men in their mid twenties, close to Chuck's age, as well. They had enough land that they utilized by building a large vegetable garden and raising chickens and a few cows. Chuck could see that there was an array of solar panels set up on the roof, as well. As far as she could tell, it seemed like they were doing fairly well for themselves. Chuck weighed the pros and cons of going it alone vs living in a community and decided that she would approach them. She could always leave later if it didn't work out, she figured.

It only took a short while for Chuck to decide to stay permanently. The whole reason she thought that going it alone was the safest option was because she didn't trust people. But the people at Rolling Acres were good and she did have a good life with them. She had enough food, a safe place to sleep, plus running water and electricity. She even had a job as the assistant to the community's doctor, Dr. Stewart, a kind elderly man. He taught her many things about basic first aid as well as more in depth medical care. Having always been a fast learner, Chuck rather quickly became comfortable working around the infirmary.

Ever since Chuck was little, it had always taken her a long time to feel truly comfortable around people. She was a little awkward and painfully shy, traits that didn't seem to go away with the end of the world. Even though she had always been most comfortable by herself, she had become close with a few of the members of the group, even considering them to be like family. Being one of the youngest and quietest members of the community, most of the others tended to see her as a child. Just a shy girl that stuck to herself. Not that that was any different from the time before the dead started to walk. Chuck had never been the social butterfly.

The group had lived together peacefully without major incident for about two years. But all that changed when a horrible flu had spread through the community, catching everyone off guard. Almost all of the residents fell ill and all of the elderly and infirm had died from the illness. Chuck and the other younger residents tried to prevent the dead from turning, but there were too many to take care of and too few healthy people to do it fast enough. More quickly than Chuck and the others expected, the dead reanimated, and they tore through the rest of the group, quite literally. When all was said and done, only Chuck and three young men had managed to stay alive.

One of the men, Jacob, had stepped up to become the leader. He was in his early thirties and older than the rest of the survivors by at least a few years. His natural charisma and abilities made him a natural choice for leading the small group. Under his leadership, the four of them worked together to try to get their home back to the way it had been. All the corpses were burned and all the rooms were cleaned top to bottom. It was hard work, but necessary if they wanted to resume the lives they had been living before.

Jacob had convinced the other men to focus on scavenging outside the gates, leaving Chuck to do most of the jobs at home. She tried her best to keep up with the work, but it was too much for her to do by herself. She soldiered through it, though, thinking that it was fine because she was safe and fed.

That didn't last for long. Eventually, Chuck saw the men change. It seemed they got more and more violent with every scavenging trip. They spoke of what happened beyond the walls and it disgusted Chuck. They reveled in the ways that they killed the dead and even bragged about the living that they had slaughtered. Chuck had begun to distance herself from them spending more time alone in her room, hoping they wouldn't turn their wrath on her. Of course, she wasn't so lucky.

In time, being raped became a routine for Chuck. One night, Jacob had asked her to sleep with him. When she refused, he took what he wanted from her. It didn't take too long before all three men would take turns raping her, each having his own night alone with her. Being the leader, Jacob took most nights, though, and he was the roughest of the three. Although this was a living nightmare for her, she never fought back or tried to run. Both options seemed to be like suicide to her, the men were much stronger than her and it had been so long since she had fought off the dead by herself. When they were with her, the only thing she could to was dissociate from what they did to her. Every morning she would wake up, do her jobs, and try to forget the night before.

Currently, Chuck is sitting on her bed worrying about exactly what the rest of the day would bring. Will is on guard duty at the gate while Jacob and Dennis had gone out on a mission. Jacob had been watching a group that seemed to make routine runs for supplies. Supplies that Rolling Acres is in desperate need of. He was confident that he could take the group out and steal the truck with everything inside. Chuck thought it was too dangerous to deal with other people, but she didn't voice her opinions to the men. They wouldn't listen to her anyway.

A little bit later into the night, Chuck's door swings open and she is met with Jacob's grinning face.

"Aren't you going to ask me how our mission went, _honey_?"

 _I really don't care._

"Good, I'm assuming," she says apathetically.

"Why don't you lighten the fuck up?" He spits the callous words out like it was nothing. "We got tons of nice shit tonight. We got meds. Fresh fruit. Booze! Even got something for you." With that, he tosses a hunk of black cloth at her.

She catches it and holds it out in front of her to get a good look at it.

 _A little black dress? Are you kidding me? Why would I want this?_

"Why don't you put that on and join us in the rec room? We're celebrating tonight!" He turns and leaves unceremoniously.

Reluctantly, she does as she' told, knowing that if he wanted her in that dress, she'd end up in it. It's a bit too tight, but she gets it zipped up. She's sure if that was how a garment like that was supposed to fit, never having the confidence to wear sexy clothes in her previous life. She was always a T-shirt and jeans kind of girl, not wanting to draw too much attention to herself.

She gets up to look at herself in the mirror and all she is embarrassed at what she sees.

 _My boobs are almost spilling out of the top it's so low cut! I'm sure that's super flattering. Ugh, this skirt is so short. My thighs must look huge._

 _Why am I even caring what I look like in front of_ _ **them**_ _? Screw them._

 _There is nothing to this dress, it's so skimpy. God, I'm so uncomfortable. Why can't they just leave me alone?_

She leaves her room quickly, not wanting to make Jacob wait. As she walks the empty halls to the rec room, music and laughter slowly drifts to her ears. She turns a corner and walks slowly through the double doors to the source of the noise. Will and Dennis sat on a couch with a few open bottles of liquor on the coffee table in front of them, obviously a bit drunk already. Jacob is standing off to the side of the couch, holding his own bottle of liquor and laughing like everything was great. Chuck hated having to pretend like the way they were living is normal, like there is anything worth celebrating tonight.

"Oh shit! You look hot in that dress," Will proclaims as Dennis lets out a whistle.

"Shut the fuck up, guys. This is all for me tonight," Jacob says while coming forward and grabbing Chuck's hand, pulling her into his chest. He wraps his other arm around her lower back and begins to sway with her to the music. He holds her close to him for a few songs, staring intently at her face. "Isn't this nice, _honey_?" he breaths out, trying to sound sweet but failing. His pet name for her always turned her stomach. He drags his hand across her cheek, tucks a lock of her strawberry blonde hair behind her ear, and cups the back of her neck possessively. She always hated it when he touched her face.

"Uh, yeah. It's very n-nice, Jacob," she replies as steadily as she possibly could while looking straight forward into his neck.

"Do you want a drink?" Jacob whispers in her ear. Chuck had only ever had a few sips of wine in her whole life and never had the want to drink anything more.

 _Maybe I can get hammered and not even remember what will happen tonight. That doesn't sound so bad, actually._

"Yeah. I'll have some."

Jacob begins to walk over to the coffee table to retrieve the bottle of whiskey he had set there.

"Did you guys hear something?" Dennis slurs out, looking toward the far wall.

"No. What did it sound like-" Jacob is interrupted by every door in the room opening at the same time. Several men pour into each entrance until the room was virtually filled. Chuck and the three men are completely surrounded in seconds and wildly look around at all the movement. Will tries to stand and pull his gun, but is swiftly taken to the ground and disarmed.

"Alright. I'm gonna need you people to get on your knees right now," bellows a tall man with a mustache who is walking toward the middle of the room. Will is already on his knees and, after looking around at all the _very_ armed strangers, the rest join him. Chuck kneels down at one end of the lineup with Jacob to her right. The intruders come up behind the group and begin to search them, pulling out all their weapons and pocketing them. Chuck has nothing on her, but is thoroughly searched anyways.

 _This is so bad. I knew messing with that other group would be dangerous. I knew it!These guys are going to kill us. God, I hope they do it quick._

 _Oh god, I'm wearing this stupid dress. What if they think I'm a sex slave or something. I don't want them to use me like that. I can just imagine what these men are capable of._

 _I'm wearing practically nothing. They can see I don't have any weapons. Why won't this guy get his hands off of me?!_

Chuck looks up from her thoughts to the mustached guy, who seems to be glaring at the man behind her who is "searching" her very thoroughly. The groper looks to him and steps back quickly, empty handed, and joins the others behind the group. The mustache man's gaze lingers on Chuck for several seconds as everyone finishes up.

With the search all done and the group disarmed, the mustache guy calls out, "Good! It's all ready for you, boss!"

The men behind the mustache man part and another man comes through. He is tall and lean with a salt and pepper beard, dressed in a black leather jacket and loose gray pants. The middle aged man has jet black hair slicked back perfectly. But the only thing Chuck could focus on is the barbed wire covered baseball bat he has slung over his shoulder.

"Is this it?" the new man asks with an air of condescension, gesturing to the group.

"Yup. No one else on the property," mustache man replies casually.

"Really?! No shit! How did these sorry fucks kill four of my men and drive off with a _shit ton_ of my shit?"

This man's voice ticks something in Chuck's brain. She no longer focuses on the bat, but on the man's face. She recognizes him.

 _Oh my god. That's… my gym teacher from high school! That's Coach Negan! He has a beard now and he's a bit thinner, but that's totally Coach!_

Chuck's first instinct is to jump up and scream for the familiar man to take her away from here, away from _them_. The dangerous look on Negan's face gives her pause, though. She knew this world could change people into monsters, that fact evident with the men currently kneeling beside her. They had been different before, _good_ even, when she had first met them. This Negan standing before her may be wholly different from the one she last saw when she was a senior in high school seven years ago. He could even be far worse than the men beside her and she has no way of knowing just yet. With that in mind, she decides that she doesn't want to call attention to herself. He probably wouldn't recognize her if she just keeps her mouth shut. She has to look completely different now than what she did in high school, right?

 _Who am I kidding? I probably look exactly the same. Same strawberry blonde hair. Same fair skin. Same freckled cheeks. Same big, green eyes. Maybe a little thinner, but not much, really._

 _Ugh. Maybe he just wouldn't remember me, period. People generally don't pay me any mind. I pretty much try not to be memorable. Sure, I had kind of a special relationship with him back then, but he had to have taught a ton of people, probably had a bunch of favorite students. Surely, he wouldn't remember one kid out of all of them._

Just to make sure he doesn't recognize her, she keeps her face down to hide it behind her long wavy hair.

Negan starts to pace in front of the group and gestures dramatically as he speaks. "Well this kinda ruins my fuckin' plan here." He seems to fake disappointment by dramatically lowering his shoulders. "See, I usually line you guys up, introduce myself," he puts his free hand on his chest and leans closer to the group, "I'm _Negan_ , by the way," he stands back up fully, "put on a _nice_ fuckin' show for y'all, introduce you motherfuckers to Lucille here," he holds out his bat and gestures to it, "by beating the holy fucking fuck out of one of you cocksuckers. The rest of you piss your pants, cry, the whole nine fucking yards and _then_ ," he pauses to look over the group, "you agree to provide for me. I take half your shit, then you pay me every fucking week not to fucking kill any more of you. Bing bang boom. Home in time to fuck one or two… or three of my wives." He pauses again. He seems to be focusing only on the men kneeling in front of him, completely ignoring Chuck. Something he sees seems to amuse him and he chuckles. "I mean, shit! I was under the impression that you motherfuckers that attacked my fuckin' supply truck were part of a fuckin' bigass _group_ holed up in this big fuckin' place. But that ain't the fuckin' case, apparently. Shit, if I take half the shit that you got in this place right now, that _might_ not be so fucking bad, but what then? How much shit can two people continue to provide for me? You know. Since I'm going to be bashing _one_ of your brains in."

"Three," Will chimes in, for some reason.

Negan snaps his gaze to him. "Excuse me?"

"There would be three of us… left. If you k-killed one of us. We have four p-people... sir," Will manages to get out.

Negan glares at Will for a moment then looks over the group. He whips Lucille around to point straight at Will's face. "You're abso-fuckin'-lutely right, Mr. Smartypants, but _don't_ fuckin' interrupt me again." His tone switches from jovial to dark in the span of seconds. Negan glares at Will for a few moments then smiles and turns to face Chuck. "How could I forget about this pretty little lady right here? Though I doubt how much shit she could scrounge up for me out there lookin' like that."

 _Will, you idiot! Don't try to suck up to him! Why didn't you just keep your mouth shut?!_

Negan walks over to Chuck and crouches down in front of her. He pauses for a moment, looking her up and down, then takes her chin in his hand, gently lifting her face to meet his. She searches his eyes for some sort of recognition, but sees none. She gives a small internal sigh of relief that he doesn't remember her.

"What's your name, sweetheart?"

"Ch-," she starts to say "Chuck" but thinks better of it. "Chuck" isn't exactly a common nickname for a girl and Negan may remember her for it. "Charlotte," she answers quietly.

"Hmm." He's not really paying attention to what she says, anyway. He seems to be scrutinizing her appearance. He moves her face up and turns it this way and that. He pulls one arm out from her body and turns it out, then he does the same to the other. Chuck is confused as to what he is doing. Is he sizing her up? He shifts his gaze downward and puts his finger under the hem of her already short skirt and lifts it slightly up her thigh while cocking his head to the side.

 _Oh, no. Not him. Please don't let him do this to me, too. I can't take it if_ _ **he**_ _would hurt me._

"You can have her. Take her. She's _real_ sweet. She doesn't even fight back." Jacob's voice calls out and Negan whips his gaze up to glare at the man.

"Yeah. He's right. You can do anything you want with her," Dennis nods, shifting his gaze between Jacob and Negan. Will is nodding his assent, as well.

"You don't find girls like her anymore. She'll treat you and your men real good. If you just let us go, you can have her. She has to be worth more than the stuff we took." Jacob tries bargaining with Negan.

Negan looks at the three men then turns his head to look back at Chuck as she fixes her gaze to the ground. Tears begin to stain her cheeks.

 _I should've run away. I'm so stupid. Why didn't I leave? Dying out there probably would have been better than this. Things are going to be so much worse now. I always hope for the best, but things always turn out so much worse than I ever could've imagined. Why do I even think there is any good left?_

"Is that so? I can just ' _have_ ' her? You'll ' _give_ ' her to me?" Negan says in an odd tone, not looking away from Chuck. He slowly stands, walks over to mustache guy, and whispers something to him. Mustache looks at Chuck and then slowly walks over to her. He gently tugs at her arm and she reluctantly stands up.

"Come with me," mustache guy says in a neutral tone. Chuck's not sure what is happening, but she's nervous.

 _Is Negan actually taking me? Did he really think Jacob's deal was a good one? Is this man taking me to their trucks?!_

The man leads her toward the front lobby, which is on the opposite side of the building from where everyone is. When they get to the room, he gestures for her to sit on a couch set on the left wall.

 _Oh. He's not taking me to the trucks. I see. I know what he wants..._

She just wants to get this over with, hoping that more men, or Negan, wouldn't follow this one.

"I'm Simon," he says to her before turning away and looking around the room.

 _Okay, then. I guess he wants me to know his name before he…_

 _Just let him do whatever he wants and maybe he won't be too rough._

Chuck slowly lays herself onto the couch and begins to remove her underwear. She had found that things would go more smoothly for her if she just cooperated. She gets her underwear to her knees before Simon looks back over to her.

"Oh, shit! No, no, no," he says hurriedly while quickly making his way to her. He grabs her hands to halt her motion and pulls them back up her thighs, along with her underwear. He gently grabs her shoulders and pulls her into a seated position, sitting beside her afterwards. "That's not what's happening here, angel."

Chuck looks away, embarrassed, while wringing her hands harshly in her lap.

"Shit, they really did a number on you, didn't they?" Simon gently takes her chin in his hand. He turns her face this way and that, just like Negan had. He points at her throat with his other hand. "They leave all these bruises on you?"

Chuck barely even noticed the bruises anymore, they were so commonplace. He takes her arms and holds them out, examining the bruises there, as well. Then he looks down to her exposed legs and the dark bruises standing out against her pale thighs.

 _Negan was looking at my bruises. He wasn't checking me out. Of course, he wasn't. Maybe he isn't a bad guy now. And he wants to take me away from here. Maybe I can trust him. Maybe I should tell him who I am._

Chuck isn't sure if Simon actually wants an answer to his question so she just nods slightly.

He lets out a sigh and looks away. "We're just going to wait here for a bit until Negan is done. Okay, angel?"

"Did… Is he taking their deal? Is he letting them go and … _taking_ me? Like they said," she says with a voice not much above a whisper.

"No. He wouldn't do that. We're not like that. Our group… we don't do that to women," he says genuinely, if not a bit uncomfortably to her. "He's, uh, punishing them back there. You don't need to worry about it, okay?"

"Oh."

 _So he was killing one of them. He said that's what he'd do and he was always a man of his word. God, my high school gym teacher is killing someone right now. This world really is crazy. I wonder which one it is. I guess it doesn't really matter._

 _Wait, why am I out_ _ **here**_ _? I'm part of this group. Shouldn't I be punished for attacking his men, too? Why did Simon say I didn't need to worry about punishment? Maybe they knew that I wasn't really involved. God, I hope so._

After several minutes, Chuck hears a door open and heavy footsteps entering the room. She looks up to see Negan, now without his weapon and leather jacket, walking over to the couch. Simon gets up and gives Chuck a reassuring smile before patting her on the shoulder and leaving. Negan passes Simon and takes his place on the couch beside her.

All Chuck can do is stare at her hands fidgeting in her lap.

 _I can't look at him. He knows what happened to me, what they did to me. He saw the bruises, heard the men talk about me._

 _Why am I so embarrassed? I didn't do anything wrong._

 _I don't want him realizing that he knows me, though. I don't think I could take it. If I'm just some random girl to him, maybe he won't pity me as much. If I look at his face and see him pitying me, I think I'll break down._

 _Oh god, I can feel him staring at me. Just leave me alone!_

Negan lets out a huff and rubs his bearded face. "Look at me, sweetheart."

She does as he says after she takes a few moments to build the courage.

"Those rapist pieces of fuckin' shit won't ever lay their hands on you, or anything else, fuckin' ever again. That shit does not fly in my world. So, Lucille got very up close and fuckin' personal with the inside of those fuckers' skulls."

 _Oh my god. He had killed_ _ **all**_ _of them. Not just one of them. And not for taking from him, but for hurting me. Negan had bludgeoned them to death. For hurting me._

 _Did they really deserve that? Does anyone really deserve that? Of course, they deserved it. They were monsters. They had hurt me so much. And they had killed Negan's men for supplies. They were rapists and murderers._

 _But they had also been good men once. Maybe they could have changed back, been redeemed. Probably not, though. Does it make me a bad person if I'm happy that they're dead?_

Negan snaps his fingers in front of her face to bring her out of her own thoughts. "You're safe now, sweetheart. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Coach." The words leave her mouth before she can think about it.

 _Oh, no. Why did I say that?! I am so flustered that I can't think straight!_

 _Negan had drilled into us that we had to address him as Coach. "Yes, Coach. No, Coach. I don't know, Coach." Everything Coach! That training must still be buried deep inside my brain somewhere just waiting for the chance pop back out at the worst possible moment!_

Negan looks at her quizzically. He has to know now that he had taught her at some point in the past. He studies her, seemingly trying to place her.

Chuck gets more and more nervous under his gaze. She can feel her heart speeding up and her breathing is becoming shallow. Sweat starts to trickle down her temples.

*hiccup*

 _Ugh. Why do I get the hiccups when I'm nervous!? That hasn't even happened to me in years! Since high school, probably. Maybe he won't notice. Please don't notice. Please don't remember me. Just leave me alone and let the earth open up and swallow me. This is all too much for me._

Negan quirks his eyebrows, still staring intently. Then, he lets out a sort of gasp. " _Chuck!_ That's you, isn't it? Holy fuck, I didn't even fuckin' recognize you? Why didn't you just say that your name was 'Chuck'?" He looks all over her as if he hadn't really looked at her until now.

She lets out a sigh and looks up at him. The instant their eyes meet, truly meet, she starts to sob.

"Oh fuck." He puts his arms around her and gently pulls her to him. She tenses up, but doesn't pull away. "It's okay, baby girl. I got you. I'm here now."

She continues to cry hard as she lets out everything that she has been holding in for months. All her grief. All her fear. All the hurt. He hold her in his arms and gently strokes her head as she cries herself out. After a few minutes, she pushes herself away from Negan and wipes her cheeks.

"You okay?" He looks at her with a small smile, his arms still on her shoulders.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

*hiccup*

"Shit, you still fuckin' do that?" He laughs slightly and gestures vaguely at Chuck's chest which is still spasming. "Just hold your fuckin' breath and get rid of them," he says between soft chuckles.

She hold her breath as long as she can which calms her down and stops the hiccups. He looks her over for a few moments, his expression turning from slight amusement to something more dour, almost apologetic. That look only lasts a moment before he starts to smirk again.

"This place is nice as fuck so it's mine now. I'll leave some men here and use it as a fucking outpost. And you? I'm taking you back with me to The Sanctuary, the best fuckin' place to be in this sorry ass world. You'll be fucking safe there, I guarantee it." His expression turns more serious again as he runs his hand over his beard. He looks down at her bruised thighs and sighs. "You didn't deserve that shit. You were always a good fuckin' kid. I always liked you."

"Thanks, Coach." She gives him a small smile.

 _He really is the same man I knew before. Or at least that same man is in there somewhere. I can trust him, can't I?_

"Why don't you go to your room, change out of this shit," he gestures to her dress, "and pack a fuckin' bag. Okay, sweetheart?"

"Yes, Coach."

He chuckles and then sighs. "Just call me Negan. No one needs to know about my past." Chuck nods and quickly walks off to her room, eager to leave the place she had called home for two years, and hell for one year, behind.


	2. Chapter 2

After Chuck changes into her favorite Batman T-shirt, denim jacket, and dark baggy jeans and packs a large duffle of clothes and personal items, she returns to the building's front lobby. Negan, now wearing his leather jacket again and carrying his bat, and Simon stand at the front doors waiting for her.

"That all the shit you're taking?" Negan gestures to Chuck's duffle bag.

When Chuck gets closer to Negan, she notices that his bat looks wet. Like it has been sprayed with water. "Yeah. This is everything," she answers, pushing the fact that Negan had his weapon cleaned while she was getting dressed from her head.

"Good. Let's get the fuck on the road. I want to be back before fucking dinner." He opens the door and walks out of the building.

Simon motions for her bag.

"Oh that's okay. I can carry it," Chuck says, smiling shyly at Simon. "It's not that heavy."

"I might seem dainty, but I'm stronger than I look. I think I can handle whatever you got in that bag," Simon says with a goofy wide smile on his face.

His joke makes Chuck laugh. Simon is a big guy with an obvious amount of muscles. She is sure no one underestimates his strength. Or considers him "dainty". She holds her bag out and he takes it. He drops it down slightly, acting like it's too heavy for him, causing her to laugh a bit harder. She looks up to see Negan, looking impatient, standing beside the open rear driver's side door of a red car. She doesn't want to keep him waiting so she hurries over to the car and takes her seat.

Chuck tries to keep her mind from racing as the car travels toward The Sanctuary. Everything she has been though, everything she has lost were all things that she wants to banish from her thoughts forever. Thankfully for her, Simon and Negan have been chatting quite animatedly for most of the ride. She listens in on their conversation and even chuckles a few times at their jokes. It's pretty evident from their friendly exchange that they have known each other for a long time.

Before too long, a large factory complex comes into view. Chuck is taken aback at the sheer size of it. The place is huge. As they get closer, she sees a large fence surrounding the grounds making the property look even more secure.

 _Maybe I_ _ **will**_ _be safe here… with Negan. And his people._

"Are there any open rooms on the third floor?" Negan asks, looking over to Simon in the driver's seat.

"I'm sure we can scrounge up a bed. Someone probably needs a roommate-"

"I mean a fucking _single_ room," Negan cuts in.

"Uh. Yeah. I think there might be one or two of those really shitty _little_ rooms up there…"

"That'll work. I want you to set one of those up for her when we get back."

"Sure, boss." Simon gives Chuck a quick look in the rear view mirror. She gives him a friendly smile and he returns it.

They pull in through the gate and park. The men exit and Chuck follows their lead.

 _Wow, this place is huge! I bet hundreds of people could live here. I wonder how many there are. I wonder what the rooms are like and-_

"Chuck!"

Her gaze snaps to Negan as he motions her forward with his fingers. Not wanting to keep him waiting, she drops her gaze and walks towards him hastily. Before she gets to him, he turns away from her and enters the building. She jogs after him, trying to keep up with his long strides.

"I'm fuckin' starving, so we're headed to the cafeteria. You hungry, sweetheart?" He glances back to her, not pausing his movement.

"Uh, no. I'm fine." She smiles nervously at him.

He lets out a sigh. "Well I'm not sending you to bed with a fucking empty stomach, so you're going to get something to eat. I've been with you all day and I know you haven't eaten." He pauses at a set of doors and turns his head to look back at Chuck. He gives her a smirk and opens them with a flourish.

She only makes it a few steps before she realizes just how many people are in the large cafeteria. It is practically full with people sitting around large round tables in those plastic seats that high school cafeterias always seemed to have. The crowded area leaves her a little overwhelmed and she pauses. A hand gently takes her own and she looks down to see that it is Negan's. Looking back up to his face, she sees that his gaze is focused on the counter in front of the kitchen area. He starts to lead her there.

 _There are so many people here. I haven't been around this many people for years. Oh god, they're starting to look at us. All these people are making me nervous. I forgot how much I can't stand being in a large group of people_.

All at once people start to get out of their seats and kneel which confuses Chuck to no end. In her nervousness at the occurrence, she inadvertently squeezes Negan's hand and tries to bring it closer to her body.

He stops his movement and looks back to her with a smirk. He bends down and whispers in her ear, "Pretty cool, huh? That there is respect." He stands back up and looks out to the room at large. "As you were!" he yells out and everyone resumes their meals.

 _Okay, that was kinda weird, right? Are these people nuts? Okay, just stop thinking about all the people in this room and focus on Negan. Keep breathing. You'll be fine._

The pair make their way to the counter, bypassing the fairly long line of people waiting behind it. Negan picks up two trays of food and makes his way to an empty table in the corner of the room. He sets the trays down and motions for Chuck to take her seat.

"Thank you," she says quietly as she sits down.

Negan sits down beside her, propping his bat Lucille up on the chair beside him, and wastes no time in digging in to the food. Chuck, not having much of an appetite due to her nerves, begins to push the food around her plate.

His eyes meet hers for a moment and he lets out a sigh. "You need to eat, baby girl. You're too fuckin' skinny. Didn't those pricks fuckin' feed you?"

She looks down at herself. She doesn't think she's that much smaller than what she normally was. And her "normal" was always a bit too big in her eyes.

"Food has been a little… scarce lately," she says quietly, averting her gaze.

"Well those motherfuckers certainly didn't look underfed," he snaps back.

"I'm sorry," is all she thinks to say. Her nerves are steering her towards a full blown panic attack.

"Why the fuck are you apologizing for them?"

"I.. don't know." She starts to get flustered causing her to drop her fork on the plate with a loud clang.

"No, don't… fuck." He puts his fork down and gently lays his hand on her own. "I'm not trying to upset you. I just want you to eat. Will you eat for me? Just a little bit more?"

 _He sounds so concerned. Why is he acting like he cares so much? I know we were kinda close at one point in time, but he hasn't even seen me in years._

 _I don't want to freak out in front of all of these people. In front of Negan. I just need to calm down. Just breathe in. Breathe out._

Chuck takes a few moments, focusing on the warmth coming from Negan's hand, allowing it to comfort her. After she successfully staves off her panic attack, she nods and picks up her fork and starts to eat slowly. After several minutes and with most of the plates empty, Negan's radio goes off.

" _Got room 325 all ready for our new arrival, boss."_ It's Simon's voice coming from the radio.

"Good. Wait for me in my fucking office." Negan says into the radio then puts it back on his belt. "You ready to see your new room?"

She smiles, though not genuinely, and nods. The events of the day have left her exhausted, both mentally and physically and she just wants to be alone. They get up, leaving their trays behind, and make their way up to the third floor. Negan points out the bathrooms before leading her further down the hall to her room. He opens the door and urges her inside with a gentle hand on her lower back.

 _I see why Simon called this a "shitty little room"._

The room is small, twin bed along the right wall, dresser on the back wall, desk on the left, nothing else. There are fresh linens on the bed and the bag she had packed earlier is propped up against the dresser. She guesses that is what Negan had instructed Simon to do to ready the room for her. Because he sure didn't decorate the place.

Negan walks further into the room and leans on the desk, swinging Lucille up onto his shoulder. "Yeah, I know it's not fuckin' much, but it's private. I thought you might appreciate that. I know how you like your personal space."

"Thank you." She gives him a small genuine smile.

 _I do appreciate this. I can't imagine being thrown into all of this and have to deal with sharing a living space with a total stranger, as well. It's been so long since I've had my own space that I actually felt safe in. I can't believe that he remembered me well enough to know that I'd be uncomfortable with a stranger._

Negan's eyes look over Chuck as he runs his fingers over Lucille's grip. "I don't want you fucking wandering around tonight. The bathroom and here. That's it. Tomorrow, I'll give you a proper fuckin' tour and go over the rules."

"Okay." She still smiles at him, feeling a warmth bubble up from inside her. She hasn't felt this way in a long time. Not since before the flu took everyone away at Rolling Acres. She actually feels safe and taken care of.

"Get some rest, sweetheart. I'll come and get you for breakfast." He pushes off the desk and walks to the door.

"Okay. Good night, Negan."

He looks back at her face and smiles, almost sadly, she thinks. He walks out and closes the door softly. She unpacks her things and gets ready for bed. It's a little early but she is exhausted. She writes in her diary about what Negan has done for her and her relocation. Writing in her diary has always helped her make sense of what she is feeling and going over her day gives her an outlet for some of her anxieties. She hadn't kept a diary after the end at first, but began to write again after the guys at Rolling Acres started to hurt her. Her diary is one of the few personal items she brought with her to The Sanctuary. She stashes the notebook in her underwear drawer and gets into her new bed. She falls asleep quickly and, for the first time in a long time, without tears on her pillow.

She is awakened some time later by the sound of people moving about in the hallway outside her door. It is now morning and she figures it is time for most people to start their jobs. She takes this as a cue to get herself up and ready. Negan didn't give her an exact time that he would be there and she didn't want to make him wait. Quickly gathering her things, she heads for the showers. She cleans herself, gets dressed, brushes her teeth, and puts her thick, damp hair in two high pigtail buns, her usual style. She thinks she made good time, but when she rounds the corner, she sees Negan standing at her door without his bat. "I'm sorry. I wasn't sure when you would be here and I thought I had enough time to shower. I'm sor-"

"It's fine, sweetheart. Drop your shit off and let's go." He sounds a little annoyed.

 _Great. I'm already messing this all up. I don't want to disappoint Negan. I don't want him to regret bringing me here._

They make their way to the cafeteria again, just as they did last night. They bypass the line, Negan picks up the trays, and they sit at an empty table. Negan is unusually quiet and Chuck worries that she is doing something wrong. She thinks that maybe she needs to make more of an effort.

"This is really good," she says, pointing her fork at the scrambled eggs on the plate. She smiles at Negan, hoping his sour expression would change.

He looks up at her and smiles that same sad smile from last night at her, then resumes eating his meal. Her own expression drops a bit and she looks back to her eggs. She's not sure what she is doing wrong. At least he's not outright angry. She remembers what his anger was like back in high school and she doesn't want to be on the receiving end of that.

"Are you ready for the official fuckin' tour?" Negan says after they both finish their food. His tone is upbeat, but it seems forced, like he's trying too hard.

 _Maybe he's just in a bad mood and it has nothing to do with me. I remember the mood swings he used to have as my teacher. He'd be laughing one minute and screaming at us the next._

 _Maybe he just has a lot on his mind. He does run this whole place, after all. I just won't let it bother me and focus on the tour. And try not to get as worked up as I did yesterday. I don't want to embarrass myself._

They wander around the grounds for a bit. He shows her the fence and explains that the captive walkers attached to it keep more of the dead away from the property. She thinks that is actually pretty clever. They walk through the gardens and she sees the few crops they have. Then they go through the garage and he shows her the workshop, not that she knows anything about cars anyway.

They make their way back through the main doors into the first floor. It has the cafeteria and kitchen/pantry, marketplace, infirmary, armory, laundry room, and furnace room, though she is confused as to its actual purpose now that this isn't a working factory anymore.

They have a quick lunch then travel to the stairwell. The second floor has the library, a rec room, a large meeting room for Negan's men, and a few large barracks style living quarters. The third floor, Chuck's floor, is mostly more private rooms, some with four beds, some with two, and some single. Her floor also has a small rec room and a sitting room. They leave the third floor and enter the stairwell again. Negan pauses at the door to the fourth floor and opens it, but doesn't walk inside.

"This floor is for my Saviors, the ones that work for me directly. It's off fucking limits, unless you're invited." He turns away from the door and starts back up the stairs, but stops after a few steps. He turns his head back to her. "And no one better invite you, understand?" She nods, even though she doesn't really understand what he is getting at.

They ascend the stairs to the fifth floor. Chuck notices that the floors seem to get nicer as she goes up in the building. The fifth floor is the nicest by far, being the top floor. It also is the only floor with a guard just outside the stairwell waiting in the hall.

"This is my floor. It's also off fucking limits unless I personally invite you. If you need to see me, you tell the fuckin' guard and he'll okay it with me."

They continue down the hallway, passing several doors.

 _I wonder what's behind all of these. I mean, how many rooms could one man need? He seems to be intentionally going past them quickly. I don't think I'll bring it up considering he's been in a weird mood all day. I don't want him screaming at me._

Before too long, they stand before a set of double doors. Negan opens them with a flourish and the pair enter. Chuck stands agape as she looks around at the room. It is a very nice office. Towards the back of the room is a large wooden desk backlit by tall windows that look over The Sanctuary. There are large, filled bookshelves covering most of the wall to the right. The wall to the left has a large archway which leads to a kitchen/dining area from what she could see. The walls are covered with dark wood wainscoting and navy blue wallpaper.

Negan walks back behind his desk and motions for her to sit in one of the chairs in front of it. She quickly takes her seat. It is comfortable, covered in soft leather, and probably very expensive. Or at least it would have been before all this. She rubs the smooth arms a bit, liking the feel, before clasping her hands firmly in her lap.

Negan chuckles at her action. "No need to be so nervous, sweetheart. You're not in fuckin' trouble."

"Oh. I'm not nervous. Well, I'm a little nervous, but not a lot…" She laughs anxiously while scratching her nose. She's not really lying. Negan had always made her nervous, or at least he did before she got to know him. She feels like she has to get to know him all over again now, but spending the day in his company makes her a bit more comfortable with him. He seems amused by her response, but continues.

"This is your home now and you need to know how it fucking works around here. There are rules here, _my_ rules. The rules keep us alive. If you break the rules, there will be fuckin' consequences." He pauses to look at her to make sure she's paying attention. Her eyes are fixed on him. "Rule number one, you listen to me. I tell you to do something, you fuckin' do it. Period. That's the most important fuckin' rule. Rule number two, we do not rape."

That word is jarring to her ears. She looks down slightly, but brings her gaze back up to him after a moment.

He continues. "Everyone fuckin' knows this. That shit is _not_ tolerated here. If anyone lays their hands on you, makes you uncomfortable, even fuckin' _looks_ at you wrong, you come to me or Simon immediately. We'll take care of it. Got it?"

"Yes, Negan," she says softly.

"Rule number three, you don't steal from me. You need shit, you gotta earn it. There are no fucking shortcuts. The rest of the rules are common sense shit. Don't be an asshole and start fights and shit. Don't wreck my shit here by vandalizing it or what the fuck ever. No leaving the property without permission from me directly. And listen to my saviors. They're the ones walking around with fuckin' guns. They work for me directly. If they tell you to do something, I fucking gave them the okay to do it. Treat them with respect."

"Got it. That all sounds reasonable," she says as she smiles shyly at him.

"It is. And you're a good fuckin' girl, so I shouldn't have any problems with you, right?" He smiles at her in a joking way. She has never been a troublemaker and she has no intentions of breaking the rules now.

"Right, Coach… Negan. Sorry." She looks down, slightly embarrassed. It's still a bit hard to break the habit.

He chuckles a bit uncomfortably. "So, Chuck," he starts, changing the subject, "what did you do after you graduated high school? I gotta put you in a fuckin' job somewhere around here. You got any skills I can use?"

"Um… I went to college after graduation. Got a degree in computer sciences. I worked as a computer programmer for a big software company for a few months before… you know, the apocalypse, I guess."

"Well, that doesn't serve you fucking well in the _apocalypse_ , does it?"

"Not really, I guess." She chuckles. She had the same thought many times before. All the time and money she had spent on her education just to have the world as she'd known it end right after graduation, pretty much.

"Well." He sighs. "You have a job in that group of yours?" He looks at her almost hesitantly, like he's afraid of what her answer will be.

Her smile fades a bit. "Yeah. Uh… My group was bigger at first… before it was just me and… the guys. We had a doctor and he taught me a lot. I was his assistant, I guess. Then everyone got sick and died. I tried to save them but…" She pauses and rubs at her nose. "Anyway, I turned into the only medic… for the guys, after that." She pauses, looking to Negan. She doesn't know if that is quite the answer he wanted. "But I did other stuff, too. I washed the clothes and cleaned up. I'm kinda handy, I fixed some things. I cooked the meals, but I'm not really great at it. We had some animals, cows and chickens, and some crops, but I wasn't very good at tending them. My people never really showed me how to do that before they… died. I tried, but I couldn't get the hang of it, so the plants died and the guys just ate the animals before the could die, too." Chuck trails off then looks away. She doesn't know why she told him all that. She chuckles and tries to play it off like it was kind of funny.

" _They_ ate the animals? Not you?"

She knows what he's getting at. He had already mentioned her lack of food once. "I had food-"

He cuts her off. "So you cleaned up after _them_. Washed _their_ fucking clothes. Took care of _their_ fucking booboos. Fucking _tried_ to keep them fed. And what did _they_ do?"

"They scavenged-"

"They couldn't fucking get off their asses to fuckin' help you tend the goddamn animals so they just _ate_ them in one go? That's dumb as shit! They probably ate real fucking good while you ate what? Canned fuckin' veggies?"

She doesn't really know what to say at this. He seems so agitated. Her first instinct is to try to calm him down. Maybe she can convince him it wasn't so bad. Then he wouldn't be angry.

"It really wasn't that bad. It was safe from the dead and-"

"Chuck, don't," he says sternly. She shuts up immediately. "Don't act like that shit was o-fuckin'-kay. It wasn't."

 _Why is he so angry at this? I mean, yeah, it was kinda horrible, but not for him. He wasn't even there. Why does he care? Horrible stuff happens everywhere now. It's not uncommon. I'm sure I had it better than a lot of people nowadays, anyway…_

He lets out a sigh and changes the subject. "We got a doctor here. You can work with him as his assistant. I'm sure he'd love to have someone else in the infirmary with a little bit of experience. And working with the doc will be a bit higher wage than fuckin' normal. You'll earn your points and you can use them to buy whatever shit you want in that marketplace I showed you earlier. Room and board here is 100 points a week. It gets taken out automatically. If you don't have those points in your fuckin' account, you work your debt off with fence duty, tending the fuckin' biters. Don't make me have to do that to you, Chuck. That's a shitty fuckin' job. Don't go on any fuckin' shopping sprees." He stands up and she follows suit. "Let's go inform the fuckin' doc of his new intern."

They make their way back down to the infirmary. Negan opens the door and turns back to Chuck. "Stay out here for a few minutes, sweetheart. I gotta talk to Carson."

"Oh, okay. That's fine," she says.

He turns away and closes the door behind him. Chuck starts to pace around a bit as she waits; she was never good at standing still. After several minutes, the door opens and Negan motions her inside.

"That's Dr. Carson. I already told him about our fucking arrangement."

"Hello, Charlotte," the doctor says while extending his hand. She shakes it and gives him a friendly smile. Negan apparently told the man her full name instead of her nickname.

"Nice to meet you," she says politely.

"Negan informed me that you have some medical experience."

"Oh, a little bit. I know basic first aid I'm pretty good at stitching up wounds. I know a little bit about medicines, too. Stuff like that."

"That's very good, Charlotte." Carson looks away from Chuck and looks to Negan expectantly. Then he shifts his gaze back to her. "As a new resident here, I'd like to start a medical chart for you. It's just routine, nothing too invasive." He looks to Negan again, then back. "Just some questions and a short physical exam."

"Oh, okay. Sure." She's a little nervous, but she figures it makes sense. Negan would need to know if newcomers were sick or injured.

Carson walks over to the counter and picks up a clipboard and pen. He motions for Chuck to sit on the exam table while he takes his seat on a stool next to it. Negan moves out of the way and leans on the counter beside the table.

"Full name?" Carson asks.

"Charlotte Langdon. But people call me Chuck."

"Age?"

"25"

"Height?"

"5'5"

"Do you know your weight?"

"Um… 130-ish?" she says unconfidently. She can't even remember the last time she weighed herself.

"Hop on the scale." She moves off the bed to stand on the scale by the door and Carson reads the numbers off. "108. Slightly underweight for your height. That's not uncommon for newcomers. You'll get your weight up with regular meals."

 _I hadn't realized I'd lost that much weight…_

"Told you you were fuckin' skinny," Negan says flatly as Chuck goes back to the exam table and takes her seat again.

"Do you know your blood type?"

"O negative."

Carson looks at Negan.

"No shit!" Negan booms. "You are one of the lucky few with the same goddamn blood type as me. If shit goes down, I might have to call on you to give me your blood." He laughs.

"You're a universal donor. You can donate to anyone in need, but you and Negan can only get blood from other O negative donors. And there aren't many of them here." Carson informs her.

"That's good to know, I guess," Chuck laughs sheepishly.

"Date of your last menstrual cycle?" Chuck is caught off guard by the sudden change in tone with this question, but she figures it's routine to ask. Doctors always seemed to ask that before all this, too.

"Um… two weeks ago. About." She looks around a bit as awkwardness sets in.

Carson looks to Negan and then back to Chuck. It seems to her like they are having a silent conversation. Her thoughts are interrupted by another question.

"Have you been… sexually active since then?"

Chuck snaps her gaze to Negan and then looks at Carson. She's mortified.

"I mean," Carson stutters, "c-could you be pregnant?"

 _That's what this is all about. Negan must've told him what had happened to me at Rolling Acres. That I had been raped. That's the only explanation. That's why he had to talk to Carson first. He was telling him to ask these questions. And that's why Dr. Carson is acting all nervous._

 _This is so embarrassing. I know why Negan wants to know, I guess. I mean it makes sense to want to know if you're letting in a potentially pregnant lady into your community, but he could've just asked me in private. Maybe he thought it would be easier to tell a doctor. Maybe he thought I wouldn't figure out why he asked these questions specifically._

"Chuck," Negan says, softly, "the doc needs to know."

She looks to the doctor and then fixes her gaze on Negan.

"They always used condoms. So, no, I'm not pregnant." She manages to keep her voice steady while she responds. Anger has replaced her embarrassment enough to steady her nerves.

"Uh… any diseases or medical conditions," Carson continues on, awkwardly.

"No. I'm good," she says, still annoyed.

Carson proceeds to take her vitals and do basic checkup tests. "Okay, well, that's it, Charlotte." Carson stands quickly and makes his way to the counter beside Negan. From the corner of her eye, she sees the two men share a look. Negan leaves the counter and walks to her, holding his hand out to help her from the table. She takes his hand and hops down, not meeting his gaze.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning. 8 o'clock," Carson says.

"Okay, Dr. Carson. See you tomorrow." With that, Negan and Chuck leave the infirmary. After a few steps, Chuck asks, "Do you really do all that for the new residents?"

He lets out a humorless chuckle. "I should've known better than to try to trick you. You were always' too fuckin smart for your own good." He stops walking and turns to face her. "Usually we just ask age, blood type, and diseases." He looks down and scratches the back of his neck. "I needed to know, baby girl."

"I know." She can't meet his gaze. She knows he's right, but it doesn't make her feel any better.

"Look. Why don't you go to the cafeteria and get yourself some dinner. I'll see you later." He turns and walks away from her without another word.

"Goodbye," she calls out a bit awkwardly.

 _Really? You're just going to walk away after all that. Okay, then. Whatever._

He doesn't stop his motion, but just turns his head and nods once. She turns away from him and makes her way to the cafeteria.

She must've gotten there at peak dinner time because the place is packed. She groans internally; she hates being in large groups of people. She pushes her way as politely as she can through the crowd and to the back of the line. When she gets to the front, she grabs a full tray and sits down at a table packed with people. She begins to eat, but soon realizes that she has no appetite. She is just pushing her food around the plate more than anything.

"You gonna finish that?" the man across from her asks, pointing to her tray with his fork. She grabs the apple off of it before nudging her tray to him. He pulls it to himself quickly and resumes eating his food. Chuck gets up and leaves the cafeteria, heading for her room. She's a little dejected and doesn't feel like being around people anymore.

Upon entering her room, she lays the apple on her desk and grabs her diary to recount the day. Afterward, she picks up her copy of the Lord of the Rings series. It's the only book she had brought with her from Rolling Acres. One of the only things she still has from her life before. She has read it a million times, but it never fails to relax her. She changes into her pjs and gets comfy in her bed, curling up with her favorite book. She figures she'd read for a bit, get tired, and fall asleep.

After a few hours, she's still wide awake. She lets out a huff and puts her book down. Maybe if she just tries to sleep, it will come. She tries to get comfortable but just tosses and turns.

 _Ugh. What's wrong? Why can't I turn my brain off? I slept fine yesterday…_

She lets out a huff and grabs the book again. She continues to read until the sun comes up. Soon enough, she decides to just take a shower and get dressed. She still has time before her shift with the doctor starts, so she decides to get breakfast. Upon arriving, though, she realizes her appetite still hasn't returned. She grabs a small bowl of fruit and eats it in a quiet part of the cafeteria. She doesn't want to waste food by grabbing a full tray.

Chuck gets to the infirmary ten minutes before her shift is supposed to start, not wanting to be late. She considers it rude.

"Hello," she greets as she enters.

"Good morning, Charlotte. I'm glad you're a bit early. It will give me time to show you around a bit before patients start coming in." He gives her the tour, showing her which tools were where, where different supplies were, and what instruments they had. There are two hospital beds off to the right of the door, separated from the rest of the room with curtains. Further to the right is a locked store room that contains all the medicines next to a door that leads to a small bathroom. There is a desk on the back wall directly in front of the door, left of the beds. A counter goes all the way along the left wall, continuing onto the back wall and stopping at Carson's desk. There are several cabinets above the counter as well as drawers below. The examination table is near the center of the examination area in front of the door.

There are people constantly in and out, all day long and Chuck assists the doctor with every patient. There are a few cuts, one even needs stitches which Chuck does unassisted. Carson comments that he is impressed with her skills. The vast majority of people come in for medication, though. Carson informs her that people are only given their medication in three day supplies to prevent a black market for pills.

Throughout her shift, Carson keeps all conversation professional, never even engaging in small talk. Chuck thinks he seems a bit odd, but who isn't when you really think about it? He seems harmless enough.

 _I'm glad he's not trying to talk to me about what happened at Rolling Acres. I don't know how I would handle that conversation. Keeping it professional is much easier._

At midday, Carson gives her a lunch break. She decides to work through it instead of eating. Carson has several medical books and she takes one of those to read outside on a secluded picnic table that she found. She wants to learn all she can so she can do her job well. After her break, the second half of the day is much the same as the first.

Her shift ends at four o'clock and she is exhausted. Having to deal with all those people seems to zap her energy. Instead of heading to the cafeteria for dinner, she heads straight to her room. She eats her leftover apple from the day before and gets into bed, thinking she could catch up on the sleep she missed the night before. Still, sleep eludes her, though. She ends up reading about Frodo and the one ring all night. Again.

The next day is more of the same. Shower. Eat a small breakfast. See Patients. Read medical texts through lunch. Today, though, after lunch, Negan makes an appearance, Lucille perched on his shoulder.

 _Hmm. Lucille. He named it after his wife, which is kinda weird. I met her several times. She was gorgeous, of course, and super nice. My mom had told me that she was really sick close to the start of all of this, but I don't know what happened to her. Well, I can take an educated guess at what happened, but I don't know the details. I'm certain that she's dead, but I don't know if it was her illness or the dead that took her. Coming out and asking Negan about her seems like a bad idea. I mean, he hasn't even mentioned her._

"How's my girl doing?" Negan says with a smirk.

Carson answers, "Charlotte is doing well. She even did a few stitches yesterday. Very well, actually."

Chuck blushes a bit. She never took compliments very well.

Negan winks at her. "That's my girl! Keep up the good fuckin' work." He leaves without another word.

After Chuck's shift, she grabs a simple sandwich and heads to her room. She reads a bit into the night and manages to actually fall asleep this time. She doesn't sleep long, however, her slumber is fitful and restless, plagued with nightmares. Nightmares filled with memories and images from her time at Rolling Acres. Chuck never really had nightmares about what had happened to her since the world ended. Even when things got really bad.

 _Why is this happening now? Everything is fine! I'm safe here! Why can't I just let it go and be good here? This is the best I've had it in a year. Why can't I just… live?_

She lets out an exasperated huff, resigned to another sleepless night.

She falls into a routine for the next few days. Same as before. Shower. Eat a few pieces of fruit. Tend to patients. Work through lunch. More patients. Take small dinner back to room. Maybe get an hour or two of sleep at night. Repeat the next day.

She barely talks to anyone. Carson isn't good company and she only exchanges pleasantries with her patients. The only person she actually talks to is Simon. He stops by every once in a while and says something crazy to make her smile or starts up a short friendly conversation. She asks him the lingering questions she has about The Sanctuary and he does his best to answer. Talking with Simon is the highlight of her day most days. She hasn't even seen Negan since he'd checked up on her the second day.

 _He's probably busy with all those_ _ **wives**_ _Simon told me about. Ugh, that kinda grosses my out. Why would he need all of them? I mean, I know_ _ **why**_ _, I guess. Why not? A different chick for every day, almost. And they're status symbols. Negan is like the king of this place so everyone needs to know that he's above everyone else._

 _Of course he wouldn't have time to see me. Why would he? I'm nothing to him. I'm nothing to anyone…_

She knows her routine isn't exactly healthy and her mental wellbeing is being affected, but she doesn't know how to pull herself out of it. The sleep deprivation and malnutrition are picking away at her already fragile mind. Dark thoughts began to seep in, as if the emotional walls she built around herself were slowly giving way. During her time with Jacob, her survival technique was to push away from her feelings, bottling them up. But here, with all these people around her, her emotions are crawling back. And they aren't good ones. Helplessness. Hopelessness. Grief. Anxiety. Loneliness. She knows that she is walking a dangerous tightrope. If she were pushed too far, she would fall. And she's not sure if she would ever be able to pull herself back up again.

This day starts out just like the five days prior. She hasn't really felt well all day, but she chalks that up to the insomnia. She has a fairly constant dull headache, but she still assists Carson in everything he does, soaking up all the knowledge he could impart. Or at least as much as she could retain given her mental state. It's almost time for her to leave when a young savior, clutching his shoulder, walks in.

 _I hope it's not serious. I just want to go to my room and crawl into bed. I'm so tired I can barely see straight._

The man walks in and stands in the middle of the room. "Hey, doc. I fucked my shoulder up. Think I dislocated it."

Chuck immediately feels her heart speed up. This man's voice is eerily similar to Jacob's. In her weakened state she can't fight back all the thoughts she desperately tries to keep at bay. Everything Jacob ever did to her at Rolling Acres flashes before her eyes. All the things that she's been trying so hard to bury within her comes straight to the surface.

 _I'm fine. I'm safe. Don't panic. I'm fine. Why am I panicking? That's not_ _ **him**_ _. I know it. He's dead. I'm fine. I never even panicked back then, I just took it. Why am I panicking now?! Just breathe. In. Out. Nothing is going to happen._

"Charlotte?" Carson brings her out of her thoughts with a light pat on her shoulder. He had been talking for several minutes, but Chuck didn't registered any of it. "Have you ever set a dislocated shoulder?" He repeats himself after Chuck hadn't answered the first time.

"Uh… no. I never… did that before," she manages to get out, still trying to remain calm.

"Here. Let me show you." Carson takes her hands and starts to put them in the right position on the man's body to set his shoulder. She instantly rips her arms away from him as soon as she feels the man's warm skin.

The man looks at her and winks. "It's okay, _honey_ , I won't bite."

Something in Chuck snaps upon hearing the familiar pet name. Before she knows what's happening, she's on top of the man, now lying on the floor, punching him wildly. There are instruments and supplies strewn across the floor from an overturned tray she must have upset. She grabs an errant pair of short medical scissors and stabs wildly at the man's torso. She hears several loud voices yelling and feels a pair of strong hands gripping her tightly from behind, forcing her up and off the man. Carson swoops in quickly and attends to the man's injuries. Chuck is screaming incoherently and thrashing wildly in the savior's arms. He carries her out into the hall and pushes her up against a wall, face first. She tries to push off the wall and run away, but quickly loses her fight under the man's strong hold. All of her energy is depleted rather quickly.

"Negan, we got a problem in the infirmary," the man says into his radio.

" _What the fuck is it, Bill?_ " Chuck hears Negan's voice coming through the other end.

"The new girl freaked the fuck out and attacked Andy."

" _Is she fucking hurt?"_

The savior behind her makes a tutting noise. " _She_ isn't. Andy is."

" _Keep her there and don't hurt her. I'm on my way."_

It doesn't take Negan long to get to the first floor. He walks by the savior still holding Chuck to the wall, giving them both a stern look and heading into the infirmary. She can hear him talking to Carson, but can't make out the words. After a few minutes, Negan comes back out, dismisses the savior, and grabs Chuck by the arm. His grip is strong, but not painful.

 _What have I done? Oh god, I messed up. What did I do? What's wrong with me? Why did I do that?! I must be losing my mind. I've never acted like that before!_

She doesn't raise her head once during the long walk to his office and Negan makes no attempt to talk to her. Negan stomps his way through The Sanctuary, dragging Chuck behind him with Lucille swinging from his other hand and ignoring all the kneeling residents he passes. Upon entering the office, he lets her go and walks further into the room.

"Sit." He points to the chair in front of his desk and she takes her seat. He sits across from her behind his desk and props Lucille up beside him. He doesn't say a word for a long while, just studying her face as she tries hard to keep tears at bay.

 _I'm so stupid for acting that way. Why did I attack that man? What's wrong with me? I never even attacked Jacob or the others before, never even thought about it. Maybe if I had… If I hadn't been such a coward… Negan should've never brought me here. With all these people. He should've left me at Rolling Acres. I belong there with all the dead. All the people I couldn't save. The people Negan killed… because of me. This is all my fault._

Negan wipes his hand down his jaw. "Tell me what happened."

She can't speak. She can barely lift her head. She doesn't have the energy to explain to Negan what happened in the infirmary.

Negan lets out a deep breath. "Just tell me why you did it. I already got his side of the fucking story. Tell me yours."

 _I broke the rules. I hurt one of Negan's saviors. I have to be punished. I deserve to be punished. For this and for so much more. I know this_.

"Answer me, Chuck."

She stays quiet.

He lets out another huff. "You know how bad this fuckin' looks, right? You've been here for a week and you attack one of my saviors? That shit can't happen. If you don't give me a good fuckin' reason why you did it, then I'll have to punish you." His stoic expression doesn't give away any emotion behind his words.

 _Yeah. I know. I deserve it._

"Something happened down there, Chuck. Just tell me."

Chuck remains silent.

"God- _fucking_ -dammit." He stands up and starts to pace behind his desk, raking his hands through his dark hair. He pauses for a few moments, looking out the window at the Sanctuary below. Breathing out a heavy breath, he grabs his radio off of his belt and puts it to his mouth. "Simon. My office. Now."

" _Sure thing, boss._ "

Negan rounds his desk and puts his hands on the arms of Chuck's chair. He pulls it out and turns it enough to give him room to crouch in front of her. He takes both of her hands gently in his and starts to squeeze her bloody knuckles with his fingers. "You break anything?"

She shakes her head in response.

He continues to prod her hands, checking for injuries. "There's a fucking reason why you fucked him up. Just tell me, baby girl. I'll understand," he says gently, his expression seeming sad.

 _Does he really want to help me? Can I trust him? It doesn't really matter, anyway. I can't explain to Negan what happened. If I actually say the words then that would be admitting that Jacob had broken me in some way. And that I let him do it. If only I hadn't been such a coward and fought… I can't admit that to Negan. He wouldn't understand, he's so strong. I'm not. Maybe this all doesn't make sense and I'm going crazy, but… I just can't._

They are interrupted by Simon opening the door. They both look to him and then back to each other. Negan has a soft smile on his face, goading her into doing what he thinks is the right thing.

"I broke the rules. I deserve the punishment," she manages to whisper and then immediately casts her eyes down.

Negan stands to his full height, lips now in a frown. "Take her to a cell," he says to Simon without moving his eyes from her.

Simon looks between the pair, confused. "Negan… what happened? Do you really want-"

Negan glares at him. "What the fuck did I say, Simon?"

Simon hesitates, but moves to Chuck and takes her arm, leading her to the door.

"No music," Negan adds as Simon opens the door and walks through, closing it behind them. After a few moments, Chuck hears a loud crash coming from inside the office before being led down the hallway. To what, she doesn't know.


	3. Chapter 3

Simon leads Chuck to the stairwell and they begin to descend. He pushes Chuck gently through the first floor doors upon reaching the bottom and they make their way through the meandering halls to a back stairwell that leads to the basement, silent the whole way.

"What happened, Chuck? What did you do, kiddo? Why is Negan punishing you?" Simon breaks the silence as they approach several metal doors lining a long, dark hallway.

"It… doesn't matter. I just… want to get this over with, please."

Simon walks to one of the doors begrudgingly, pulls out a key, and opens it up. The room is small, just slightly bigger than a broom closet and completely stark except for a bucket in one corner.

 _This should be interesting. I don't really know what I was expecting, but…_

"Get in." Simon motions into the cell and she obeys.

"How long will I-"

He closes the door without another word.

 _I guess that's part of the punishment, not knowing how long I'll be in here. This might not be so bad, I mean, I don't mind being alone. Sure, it's dark and uncomfortable, but it's not exactly torturous, is it? I guess I'm glad I'm not on "fence duty"._

 _I wonder what's the longest someone has stayed in here. And do different infractions have different lengths of punishment? Like, "five days for stealing, one for not kneeling fast enough, SEVENTY-FIVE FOR FLIRTING WITH WIFE NUMBER THREE!"_

She makes herself giggle with her internal Negan impression, but it fades quickly. She realizes that she must be getting delirious from lack of sleep. She paces around a bit, letting the gravity of her situation sink in, and then sits down on the cold concrete.

 _Hmm. Yup. This is going to get uncomfortable really quickly. I wish I had put on a sweater today. I could use it as a pillow. Or blanket. It's actually kinda cold in here. Jeez, I'm already complaining and I've only been in here, what, three minutes?_

 _I need to keep my mind occupied. Think of something. I wonder what Negan's men are doing at Rolling Acres. Maybe they'll plant more crops. There's room for it there. Of raise animals. They might be more successful than I was at keeping them. I wonder how many people Negan has stationed there. Would someone live in my old room? Sleep on that bed… Okay, I don't want to think about that._

 _A song, maybe. I wonder if people are still making music out there. God, I would love to play something again. I probably can here. The fences are far enough away that the dead won't be attracted by it. I was always so afraid to play before. Even at Rolling Acres. I wish I had my mom's old guitar. It wasn't in the house when I went back there to see if she was…_

 _I miss her so much. I wonder what she would tell me to do now. She always knew just what to say to make me feel better…_

— Chuck's POV —

— 7 years ago —

"You okay, sweetie? The doctor said you can take your pain pills every four hours. You should be about due for some." My mom is staring at me from the other side of the couch, knitting a blanket for her work friend's daughter who's pregnant. The tv is playing an episode of Grey's Anatomy. I never really liked that show, but my mom absolutely loves it.

"Oh. No. I'm okay. I can hold off on the drugs for a while," I'm not really in too much pain at the moment. I have my cast left foot propped up on our ottoman, with a few pillows underneath it for extra comfort. I can't believe that I broke my ankle going down _two stairs_ on our porch! What kind of a klutz does that? Ruined my whole weekend. Now I have to go into school tomorrow and try to hobble around to all of my classes. I haven't even really gotten the hang of these crutches, yet.

Ugh. And now I'm gonna have to talk to Coach Negan about how I can participate in gym. I can't exactly run, or jog, or do anything we're doing in that class. And I need the gym credits to graduate. Stupid me didn't get them out of the way early, so now I have gym class every day of my senior year to make them up.

"You sure you're okay? You're making a weird face."

"I'm just anxious about tomorrow. I'm going to have to talk to _your_ favorite teacher about an alternate lesson plan, considering my condition." I lift up my left leg and wave my cast in the air as much as I can.

"Who's _my_ favorite teacher?" My mom giggles a bit and I give her the "really?" face.

"Coach Negan."

"Mmmm." She nods. "Oh yeah. Coach Negan. He's so hot." She fans herself to hammer her point in.

"Mom! Don't lust after him so much! It's weird… and gross."

"Come on! You have to see that he's gorgeous."

"Well, yeah, I have eyes," I agree. He is a very handsome man. "He's just… my teacher. I can't look at him that way."

"No, you're right. You shouldn't look at him like that, sweetie. Stay away from older men. Especially ruggedly handsome older men. Who have that bad boy thing going for them. And dimples."

"Mom! Stop!" I exclaim, trying to stifle a giggle.

She laughs. "I'm just teasing!" She leans over and hits my arm playfully. "Well, why are you dreading having to talk to Professor HotBody about class? Is he an asshole or something. I bet he is. The really handsome ones usually are."

"Not really. Well, I mean… yeah, he kinda is, but not to me. He's only mean to the kids who are... you know, douchebags."

"Why are you so anxious, then? He'll understand that you can't participate. I'm sure he'll work with you."

"Yeah. I know that. I'm sure I'm not the first kid to break a bone. It's just that… just being around Negan makes me really nervous. I hate talking to him. It always gives me the hiccups."

"Aww! It's always so adorable when you hiccup!"

"No, it isn't, mom. It's embarrassing and makes me want to die." I let out a dramatic sigh as she makes an incredulous noise. My mom doesn't really understand what it's like to be awkward and quiet. She's perfectly comfortable around people. She never worries that she'll look stupid or do the wrong thing. "You've never really talked to him, so you don't know what he's like. He's just so…" I gesture my hands, trying to think of the right word, " _intense_. He's super confident. And loud. And he swears all the time. He also talks with his whole body." I throw my arms out and gesticulate wildly. It makes my mom laugh. "Being around people like that just makes me nervous. You know I'm weird like that. I didn't get your 'normal people' genes. I got dad's awkward ones."

"Well, you'll just have to think out exactly what you want to say to him and go over that a few times. Then you won't be scrambling to think of what to say when you're in front of him."

"Yeah. I think I'll do that. His prep period is the same as my study hall, so I think I'll talk to him then. I don't want to interrupt one of his classes, or anything. And that's the period right before my gym class, too, so it'll work out perfectly."

"There you go! No need to worry."

—

*Knock Knock Knock*

" _Yeah_?" comes Negan's voice from inside the room.

Okay, Chuck. Just open his door and go through the speech you have memorized. It'll be fine.

"Hi, Coach," I say after I open his door. He is seated behind his desk going through papers of some sort.

He looks down my leg at my cast. "Holy shit, Chuck. What did you do? Break your foot off in someone's ass?" He laughs hard at his own joke.

I chuckle a bit. It's kinda funny. "Uh, no. I tripped on my porch stairs like an idiot." I hobble awkwardly around to sit in the chair in front of his desk, leaning my crutches on the chair beside me. "But, uh, that's why I'm here. I needed to talk to you about gym class. I can't participate normally, so I thought that, maybe, I could write reports on a sport… or an athlete, or anything you want, really. I could do a report for every class to make up credit-"

"Fuck that shit," he interjects.

"Wha-"

"I didn't become a gym teacher so I could read fuckin' reports. No offense, kid, but I'd rather have my nutsack ripped off by a chimpanzee than read fuckin' book reports about the history of baseball or some shit."

"I, uh.." *hiccup*

Ugh. Great. I really did not expect him to reject my idea. Now I'm all flustered.

"Look, you're a good kid. You're not a little motherfucker like most of the rest of them. What grade do I usually give you? A?"

"Uh, y-yeah."

"Congrats. You get a fuckin' A this term."

*hiccup*

He starts to laugh at me. Ugh! "The fuck? You got the hiccups now?"

Yes, Negan. I have the stupid hiccups because I'm a crazy person and can't have a simple conversation without my body breaking down into a bundle of anxiousness! Of course, I never would say that out loud, so I just nod.

"Just hold your fuckin' breath and get rid of them."

I do as he said and my hiccups go away. Wow. That actually works. Good to know.

"So… what do you want me to do during class?"

"Fuck if I care." He thinks about it for a second while he looks at me. "Wait… you're fuckin' right. If people see you doing fuck all and still passing the class, I'll probably get shit for it." He leans back in his chair with a perplexed expression on his face. He casts his gaze down to the papers on his desk and a slow smile creeps onto his face. "You know much about football?"

"Um. I know that they score touchdowns and that the quarterback throws the ball…" I shrug. That really is about everything I know. I'm not exactly the sporty type.

"Do you know anything about fantasy football?"

"I've watched The League a few times…?" I give him a little shrug, not really knowing what he's wanting from me.

"Hmm. Well here's what we're gonna do. You'll come here to my office, this period and we're gonna work on my lineup and shit." He shuffles the papers around and picks one up that has a bunch of names and scribbles beside them. He puts it in front of me to look at. "This is my fuckin' team. I need you to look all these people up and tell me every-fuckin'-thing about them. What position they play. Their performances in past games. Whether they started or not. What the fuck is going on in their personal lives. Any fuckin' shit that might say how they'll play in the next game. Got it?"

"Uh… Yeah. I can do that." I think.

"I'm gonna take the shit you give me and determine who I'm going to play in that week's game. If the players I pick actually play and do fuckin' well, then I get points. If I get more points than anyone else in my league, then I fuckin' win the season. That's fantasy football."

"That makes sense… I guess."

"Good. You can start by organizing all this shit I have here."

"Okay…"

"I'll okay this all with the principal later today. It should be no problem. I'm still teaching you about a fuckin' sport after all."

That's how it goes for a few classes. I would do his research on whatever guys he wants me to and I would bring it to him, all organized. He'd pick out his players and fix his lineup for the week. It didn't take Negan too long to realize that this work doesn't exactly fill the entire period. Especially five days a week.

"Well, fuck. I didn't think this through. Now I feel responsible for educating you and shit for the whole period and keeping you fucking occupied."

"Uh. I guess I can just read quietly while you do your work…"

"You know how to play chess?" he asks suddenly.

"…Yeah. I can play." Why is he asking? That's… random.

He stands up and walks to a cupboard on his wall. He rummages around until he produces a wooden box. "Good. I haven't played in fucking forever. No one learns how to play fucking chess anymore." He sets the box down on the desk and takes his seat. The board is one of the kind that folds up and contains all the pieces inside. He opens it up, spilling the pieces on his desk. The two of us scoop up our pieces and begin to set them on the board.

"Oh, uh… I'm not very good, I don't think." Why did I say that? I know I am pretty good at chess. Not that I've played recently. I used to play with my mom all the time. And my dad. When I was a kid. Before he died.

"It'll be a short game, then."

We each take our turns, carefully making sure not to make any mistakes. I see his expression change after a few turns, from a smile to a tight frown. He is deep in thought with each move of the pieces. I admit, he is great at chess. I didn't really expect him to be.

"Check _mate_ ," Negan says, finally letting his grin back on his face.

"Good game, Coach." I hold out my hand to shake his. That is just good sportsmanship. My dad would be proud.

"Why the fuck did you tell me you weren't very good?" he asks as he shakes my hand. "I'm fuckin' _amazing_ at chess and I just barely won."

I shrug, not really knowing what to say. "I don't know…"

"Don't fuckin' do that. Downplay yourself. If you're fuckin' good at something, own that shit."

"I, uh. Okay... I will."

The bell rings signaling the end of the period. Thank god. That seemed like it was going to turn into an awkward "Do you have self esteem issues?" conversation. No, thank you. I don't need the pamphlet… again. I gather up my things and leave quickly, or as quickly as I can on my crutches, giving Negan a small wave as I pass through the doorway.

After a few weeks, I actually begin to get comfortable around Negan. We talk about football and the league as we play chess during our class time. Often, though, our conversations go to more everyday things and we get to know each other pretty well.

"There is no way you were a nerd in high school!" I exclaim between giggles.

"I didn't say I was a nerd in high school, I said a was a nerdy fuckin' _kid_. I was a chubby fuck when I was little. My family was poor as fuck, too, so I had no friends. Pretty much all I ever did was read all those same fantasy books you read now and watch a ton of sci-fi shit. And play chess with my mom.

"No way! You were _fat_ nerd?!" I giggle. The thought of him being anything but the way he is now is just funny to me.

"Fuck yeah, I was. Then I switched schools and shot up 6 inches when I was fourteen. And started playing baseball. That helped with the whole fuckin' popularity thing."

"So you went from nerd to jock just like that?"

"I never really stopped being a nerd." He pauses. "But don't tell a fuckin' soul that, Chuck." He points at me and gives me a stern look.

"I don't believe you! Okay, okay. Favorite character from Lord of the Rings?"

"Aragorn. He's a badass!"

"Uh. What's the name of the ship from Alien?"

"Oh shit. Uh. Uh... Nostromo!" He snaps his fingers as he comes up with the name.

"Okay. Ah! What's this from, 'Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most human.'?"

"Really? Fucking Wrath of Khan. Everyone knows that!"

"Ooooh." I make a sarcastically impressed face. "Okay. Um… 'All those moments will be lost, in time, like tears in rain.'"

"Blade Runner. Next."

"'Put on the glasses!'"

He laughs. "They Live! I'm surprised _you_ fucking know that one!"

"It's a classic! Okay, okay. Oooh, I know! You'll get this one. 'Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.'"

"Hmm." He thinks for a moment. "Nope. Don't know that one."

"What?! That's from Firefly!"

"Never heard of it."

"Oh my god! It's amazing! It was a tv show but it only had one season. But it was soooo good. You should look it up. It has hookers in it. You'll like it." I laugh at my own joke.

"Ha ha, Chuck. Very funny," he says sarcastically. "I shouldn't let you fuckin' talk to me like that, you know." He points at me as I move my bishop.

"Checkmate!" I exclaim.

"Fuck!" He snaps his gaze to the board. "You distracted me with talk of hookers!"

—

 _We're meeting in the library now._

I read the note on Negan's door. Really, Negan? I gotta hobble all the way to the library now? You couldn't've told me any earlier?

I make my way to the library as fast as I can, but still arrive after the final bell. No one stops me in the halls anymore, though, because of my crutches. Negan is waiting for me outside the library doors as I turn the corner.

"This way." I follow him to a table in the far corner of the library. The chess board is already set up and waiting for us. We take our seats and began to play.

"Why are we meeting here instead of your office?"

"Because I fucking said so."

Jeez. He's in a mood. I hate when he's cranky. It puts me on edge. He goes to move his pawn and I notice that his knuckles are all cut up and bruised.

"What happened to your hand?"

"I fucked it up." He snaps back.

Okay. No conversation this time.

Or the next time.

Or the time after that.

He hasn't been himself for a few days. Something is up with him, but I don't know what. It takes a week of completely silent chess matches before things go back to normal… ish. We still meet in the library, but Negan is back to his old self, it seems. I don't ask what happened and he doesn't tell.

"I'm getting my cast off next week, so I guess this will be one of our last games."

"Why?"

I'm confused at his response. "Why am I getting my cast off?"

"Don't be a smartass. Why would we stop playing?" he clarifies.

"Well, I figured I'd go back to my regular gym class."

"This period is still free for both of us. Why does you going back to gym mean that we have to fucking stop playing chess this period?"

"I guess it doesn't, really."

"Good. Because I think I need to kick your ass a few more fucking times to get ahead of you on wins."

"You're keeping count?"

"You're not?" He caught me. I am keeping count. And I'm ahead by four games.

"You can't just let me be ahead?"

"Fuck, no! There's no way I'll let you graduate holding that shit over my head."

"We're going to play the rest of the year then?"

"What, are you that bored of me?"

"No, of course not. I just always thought you were biding your time until you could be rid of me."

"Really? You think I'm that much of an asshole?"

"No. I didn't mean it like that." Did I hurt his feelings? I didn't know that was possible.

"I told you when we fucking started that I thought you were a good kid. And I haven't played chess like _this_ since fuckin' college."

"Thank you, I think. That's a compliment, right?"

"Well, I meant it as one, so you're fucking welcome." He smirks at me, but it quickly turns into a frown. "The fuck you lookin' at, _Brandon!_ " Negan yells as he shifts his gaze to look behind me. I turn my head to see a boy from my class looking our way.

"Nothing, _sir._ " He stands there for a few moments then leaves. That's weird. I don't really know what to make of it.

"Uh. What was that all about?"

"Don't worry about it." Okay. That's all the info I'll get out of him. I know that tone.

"His name is Brendon, you know-"

"I know what his fuckin' name is. I just hate that kid. Stay away from him, okay? He's a douchebag."

I laugh a little bit at how Negan is talking about another student. He's not wrong, though, about him being a douche. I hate that kid, too. He always harasses me, saying how good I look all the time just to tease me.

Negan rubs his beard and looks a bit uncomfortable. Maybe he's not exactly back to his old self like I thought. "You know I would never be inappropriate with you, right?" he says quickly, as if he really doesn't want to say the words.

I'm taken aback at the sudden change in topic. I know that some of the kids joke with me about my "extracurriculars" so they say, with Negan, but I never thought they actually believed it or talked with anyone else about it. I wonder if that stuff got back to him and that's why he's acting so strangely. That would make sense, actually. He's probably just been trying to cover his back. A male teacher meeting with a female student alone in his office could seem suspicious. But if Negan were to have an affair with a student, I'm pretty sure _I_ would be his last choice.

"Yeah, I know. I trust you. I know you would never do anything like that," I say genuinely.

"Good." He looks at me with a strange expression. Like he's trying to read my mind to make sure I'm not lying.

"So… My mom wants to invite you and your wife over for dinner sometime." I change the subject after a few tense moments because I really don't want to dwell on that uncomfortable topic. I wasn't lying, though. My mom had been trying to get me to ask him over for dinner for a while. She said she wanted to thank him for being such a good teacher to me. I figured she just wanted to ogle him.

"Hmm." He looks away, his expression becoming lighter as he looks back to me. "Yeah. I think we can come over on Thursday. Lucille will be fuckin' happy. She loves meeting parents and shit. I fuckin' hate it."

"Well I'll be sure to tell my mom that." We both laugh.

"I didn't mean your parents. You're one of the only kids I can fuckin' stand. All the rest of those little douchebags were raised by fuckin' _big_ douchebags and I hate dealing with them. If your mom raised you right than she must be a pretty good woman."

I laugh. My mom would probably love to hear him say that. "I should've had you write my college recommendations. 'Chuck was possibly raised right and I can effin' stand her'." I make him laugh with my impression of him.

"You know, you can have a real smart fuckin' mouth, sometimes."

—

"Dinner was delicious, Diane," Lucille says while delicately patting the corners of her mouth with her napkin. She is very beautiful. Her silky straight dark auburn hair falls just past her shoulders and complements her icy blue eyes perfectly. Her stylish clothing flatters her petite frame and highlights her femininity. And she is the exact opposite of Negan. Quiet. Polite. Poised. With an air of nobility about her. I bet her family had money growing up. I wonder how she got with Negan…

"Yeah. That was fuckin' great. We'll have to have you cook for us more fuckin' often." My mom laughs. I warned her not to be offended by Negan's language. Not that she's against swearing to begin with, but Negan's style of cursing can be jarring.

"You're more than welcome any time. You've been so good to my daughter, Negan. You know, Chuck doesn't have many friends, so you taking an interest has been so good for her."

"Oh my god, mom. I'm right here," I say lowly. I know my face has to be bright red since my cheeks and ears are burning hot. My mom gives me a smile as if she _didn't_ just embarrass me horribly.

"She's a good kid," Negan says while looking at my mother. Okay, guys. I _am_ still here.

"Yes. You're a very fine young lady and I'm sure your future will hold great things," Lucille actually says to me, smiling warmly. She seems so amazing. No wonder Negan settled down with her. Jeez, she's so perfect that _I_ kinda wanna settle down with her.

"Well I think it's about time for us to get fuckin' going. Ready, babe?" Negan says to Lucille after a few more minutes of light conversation.

"I suppose it is getting late. Thank you very much for the delicious dinner, Diane." Lucille makes her way over to my mother and gives her a friendly hug with Negan doing the same. "And very nice to meet you, Charlotte." She hugs me, too. I've never really liked hugging people, but she is so nice, so I soldier through it. I try not to be too awkward, which is a feat for me.

"Nice to meet you, too." I give her a smile.

Negan walks past me, giving me a small nod. "See you tomorrow, kid." He turns back to my mom. "Will you see us out, Diane?"

"Oh, sure." She follows them out to their car, which is parked on the street.

After a little bit, I walk upstairs to my room to get ready for bed. As I walk over to my windows to close the curtains, I look outside and see that my mom is hugging Negan and Lucille has her hand on my mom's shoulder. That's kinda weird. What are they doing? It looks like they're consoling her, or something. But that makes no sense.

I watch them speak to each other for a few more minutes until Negan and Lucille get into their car and drive off. I change into my pjs and go downstairs to ask my mom about the encounter. I find her standing in front of the sink washing the dishes from dinner.

"What was that all about?" I ask.

"What, sweetie?"

"With Negan. Outside. I saw you talking with him."

"Oh." She clears her throat. "I was just telling him again how much his friendship with you means to me." She continues to wash the dishes, not raising her gaze.

"Jeez, mom. You're gonna make him think I'm some pitiful outcast or something."

She turns around and pulls me into a tight hug. "I love you so much, Chuck. I just want the world for you. And sometimes this world can be such a horrible place." She kisses my forehead.

"Okay, mom. I love you, too." I'm not quite sure what this is all about, but whatever. My mom could always be a bit overdramatic. "I'm headed to bed. Night." I pull away from her and turn to leave the kitchen.

"Night, sweetie."

— —

Chuck is pulled out of her memories by the sound of the metal door scraping open. She covers her overly sensitive eyes as light floods the small room. Negan's large form casts a long shadow onto her as he steps into the doorway.

"Come on, Chuck. Time to go." His voice is flat, emotionless.

Chuck slowly stands, stretching out her stiff limbs. As soon as she gets to her full height, she feels light headed. She tries to take a step, but her vision starts to tunnel. The last thing she feels before darkness takes over is Negan's arms wrapping around her.


	4. Chapter 4

Chuck snaps back into consciousness seconds later. Negan has her clutched to his chest, walking quickly down the hall.

"Wh-what's going on," Chuck says softly, her mind still foggy.

"I'm taking you to the doc," he growls.

Waking fully, she says, "No, I'm okay. It's just low blood sugar. You don't need to bother Dr. Carson." She still feels a little bit dizzy, but she knows it's not serious.

"You passed the fuck out. That seems like something the doc would be fucking concerned about."

"Only for a few seconds, right? I just need to eat, Negan. I'm fine. I promise."

He lets out a huff. "Fine." By the time Negan responds, they are on the first floor and almost to the infirmary. Negan pauses, switches direction, and heads for the stairwell to the upper floors.

All that Chuck can focus on at that moment is Negan. The way his arms feel around her. The smell of his clothing. The scruff on his neck. The way that she feels completely safe for the first time in a long while.

 _Negan's always been so good to me. He's done so much for me. Without anything in return. I don't think I deserve him…_

"I can walk. You don't have to carry me," she says as she squirms a bit in his grasp.

He sets her down gently, not completely removing his hands from her. "You sure?"

"Yeah." She looks up at him and smiles slightly, trying to convey that she doesn't need his help. He turns her around and puts his hand on her back, pushing her gently through the stairwell doors. Chuck makes it about halfway up the first flight before she slows down, starting to become winded from having no energy.

"Alright." He lets out a huff. "I should've known better than to believe you. Turn around," Negan says from behind her on the steps. After she has turned to face him, he says, "Put your arms around my neck," as he makes a "come on" gesture with his hands.

She knows fighting him on this would be pointless, so she does as he asked. She gingerly wraps her arms around his neck and he brings her to his chest slowly. She awkwardly wraps her legs around him and he puts one of his hands on her bottom to hold her securely.

"You okay with this, baby girl?"

"Yeah," she says bashfully.

 _He must think I'm so pathetic. Carrying me like a child the whole way through The Sanctuary. I guess I am pathetic…_

After some time, she looks around and recognizes that they are heading into Negan's office. As soon as they enter, the smell of spaghetti sauce and garlic wrap around her, making her stomach grumble loudly, almost painfully.

"Jesus Christ, sweetheart! I fuckin _felt_ that. When was the last time you actually ate?!" After walking into his kitchen area, he sets her on her feet by the table. She plops herself down into one of the chairs and watches as Negan opens the refrigerator and pulls out a jug of orange juice. "Drink," he demands after he pours the liquid into the glass sitting in front of her.

As she gulps the juice down, Negan brings the prepared food over from the stove and sets it in the middle of the table. The spaghetti and homemade sauce along with the basket of garlic bread has Chuck reminiscing of family dinners with her mom.

Negan makes up a plate for both of them and sits down across from her. "Eat," he demands as he digs into his own meal. "I thought I should fucking feed you after throwing you in a cell for 24 hours. I guess I thought right since you fuckin' passed out on me before I got you up here."

She takes a few bites then pauses. "You made this?"

"Yeah," he says, his mouth full. "I _can_ fuckin' cook."

"It's, um, it's really good."

"Good. Clean your plate."

"I-I don't think I can. You gave me so much."

"Because you need it. _Eat_." He points to her plate with his fork.

She takes a few more bites and then looks back up to Negan when she feels his gaze.

 _He wants me to eat all this, but I know I can't. When did this all get so hard for me? I feel like such a failure. I don't want to disappoint him. He's done so much. He made this all for me. I know he's busy and he wasted his time doing this just for me._

"I'm trying, Negan," she says so softly that she isn't sure if he heard her.

"You haven't been fucking eating, have you?"

"Yes. I do... A little. Maybe not enough…" she admits and looks down at her plate. "I haven't been hungry."

"Have you been fuckin' sleeping?"

She simply shakes her head, too tired to try to deny it.

He sighs. "I want to help you, Chuck. Why didn't you tell me you were having a hard time?"

"That's not your job-"

"Yes it _fucking_ is, Chuck." He snaps. "There's no fuckin' way I took you away from _them_ just to have you fucking kill yourself in my house."

"I'm not going to _kill_ myself," she bites back.

"Well what the fuck do you think you're doing to yourself by not fuckin' eating or sleeping. That sure as shit ain't fuckin' healthy. And fighting with my men? _That_ shit'll get you killed."

"I just… I need some more time to adjust, I guess. It's not that bad-"

"You look like fuckin' shit, Chuck. Don't tell me it's not that fuckin' bad." He sets down his fork and pushes back from the table a bit, letting out a huff. "Are you done?" He points to her plate.

"Yeah… I can't eat any more. I'm sorry." She sniffles and hangs her head low.

Negan stands from the table and starts to put the leftover food away. "Don't apologize." He pauses. "Your stomach fuckin' shrank from not eating enough for so long, so I'll heat this up for you later after you digested some. And you're gonna fuckin' eat it, Chuck. You hear me?"

"Yes. I hear you." She watches him move about the room for a few minutes. "Can I go to my room now?"

He stops and turns to her. "No. We got fuckin' shit to talk about."

 _Great. I don't want to talk. Why is this so hard for me? I don't want him to see me so weak. But I do want to get better, I guess. He's trying to help me. I know I should work with him, but it's just so hard…_

After putting all the food away, Negan opens a door on the wall opposite the archway coming from his office.

"Come on, sweetheart," he says as he walks through the door. Chuck stands up slowly and follows him.

The room she walks into is gorgeous. A beautiful king sized four poster bed with black and red linens is directly to the left of the door. There is a sitting area to the right, complete with a dark leather sofa opposite two armchairs with a glass coffee table between them. Windows with thick black drapes line the right wall behind it. A large armoire and matching dresser are on the left wall, past the bed. On the back wall, directly across from the foot of the bed, are two doors spaced apart from each other. The whole place is decorated beautifully, paintings and drawings hang on the dark gray walls as well as stuffed animal heads. There is even a large modern chandelier hanging in the middle of the room.

 _Oh my god. This is Negan's bedroom. Of course it would be this over the top gorgeous. Negan never did things in half measures._

"Take a seat," Negan says as he motions toward the couch. They both sit down, one next to the other. "Do you wanna fuckin' tell me about what's been going on with you now, what happened with you and Andy?"

Chuck really doesn't want to talk about it, but she knows she has to. She doesn't have it in her to hold it all in anymore. She lets out a sigh and begins, "He sounded like… Andy, I mean. His voice. It sounded like… Jacob's." She fidgets in her seat, uncomfortable saying the man's name. She looks at Negan and sees that he looks confused. "He was the leader back at Rolling Acres. One of the men who-"

"It's okay, baby girl," he coos as he places his hand on her knee in reassurance.

"Anyway... Andy... he called me 'honey'. _Jacob_ used to call me that. All the time. I hated it. When I heard Andy call me that, I just… I don't know what happened. I-I snapped. I didn't know what I was doing." She pauses, trying to keep herself calm. "I'm so sorry, Negan. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I promise it won't happen again. I promise."

Negan gently picks up her hand and squeezes it. "I know, Chuck. I knew there had to be a fuckin' reason. Why didn't you just fuckin' tell me?"

She shrugs in response.

Negan sighs. "I don't want you to keep anything from me from now on, Chuck. Whatever you're going through, I want to fuckin' hear about it. You hear me? Keep fuckin' _nothing_ from me. Tell me everything."

"Okay," she mutters sheepishly. She was never one to open up about her feelings, but maybe now is a good time to start. "This all has just been… so much for me. Coming here. After… all that. I just… I don't know. I just feel like I have nothing left anymore. Like everything was taken from me back there. After losing everyone I cared about. And then… what _they_ became. What they did to me. What they made me do. I'm just so ashamed… I just feel like, maybe I could've done more, you know? To stop it all. I could've fought. I should've fought. I guess I didn't really realize all that until I got here. Everyone here is so strong. And I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to be here when better people didn't get the chance to survive. If I had just tried harder…" The tears start to pour from her eyes as her voice cracks.

Negan comes forward and scoops her up into a hug. He holds her gently as she cries into his chest. "Shhh. It's okay, baby girl. You didn't do anything wrong." He rubs her back gently as he speaks. "You have _nothing_ to be fuckin' guilty about, okay? Those fuckers hurt you. They should've been the guilty ones. And now that you're here, you have nothing to be scared about, okay? I'll always protect you," Negan whispers into her hair. He pushes away from her gently when her tears subside.

"Look." He scratches his neck as he pauses. "There are women up here. My… wives. They're untouchable, safe," he says hesitantly.

"Simon told me about them… a little bit," Chuck responds.

"Of course he did." Negan runs his hand through his beard as he sighs. "You can be one. You'd stay up here. You wouldn't need to work. You could read all day. Do whatever you fucking want. No one comes up here without my fuckin' say, so you wouldn't need to worry about any-fuckin'-one. You'd be perfectly safe." He pauses, studying her face. "We wouldn't have to… I wouldn't fuckin' force you to do anything you didn't want. I don't force _them_. They're here because they choose to be. They can leave whenever they want." He pauses to let out a breath. "I wouldn't touch you unless you wanted me to."

"You want me to be your _wife_?"

"I just want you fuckin' safe. That's the easiest way."

 _No. I can't do it. I know it might be easier, but I can't just… do nothing. Not provide for my group. I can't be a trophy for Negan, either. I can't be property like that._

"I don't want to be a wife," Chuck says meekly, hoping Negan would honor her wishes.

Negan lets out a huff. "Okay." He stands from the couch and turns away from her. "Stay here." He walks across the room and opens up one of the doors. As Chuck wipes away the last of her tears, she begins to hear water running into a bathtub. After a few minutes, Negan peeks his head out of the door and beckons her in with his hand.

Negan's bathroom is just as lavish as his bedroom. To the right of the door is a tile walk-in shower big enough for two people. Behind that is a large corner bathtub. To the left of the door is the sink with a long counter and behind that is the toilet. The whole black and white room is expertly lit and completely spotless.

"Here. Take a bath. Clean yourself. Relax a bit. I'll grab you some clean clothes to wear," he says while leaving the room.

"Oh. Uh. Okay. Thank you," Chuck calls out.

 _A bath sounds awesome right now. I haven't had a relaxing soak in… forever, really. I feel a little weird getting naked in Negan's bathroom, though. But, oh well. My mom always said that a nice bath could soothe a weary soul._

Negan walks back in, handing Chuck the clothing. "Here. You can wear these."

"Wait," she holds the clothes out, "These are _your_ clothes."

"Well yeah. What the fuck else did you expect?

"Uh. _My_ clothes?"

"I'm not stomping my old ass all the way down to your room and back when I got perfectly good clothes up here."

"I guess," Chuck giggles at his indignant tone.

With Negan back in his room and the bathroom door locked, Chuck removes her clothes and settles into the bath. The warm water works wonders on Chuck's tight muscles and soon enough, she is feeling relaxed. She lounges for a while then exits the tub once she washes her skin and hair. After drying her body, she puts on the clothes that Negan provided, which consists of a grey t shirt and a pair of cotton shorts. She feels a little silly in the oversized clothes, but comfortable nonetheless. She throws her damp hair into a messy bun and exits the bathroom with her dirty clothes in her hands.

"Just throw those in the hamper in my closet," Negan says from the couch as soon as she steps out. She turns away from him to put her clothes in his closet then turns back toward him, finally noticing what lays in front of him on the coffee table.

She lets out an excited gasp and exclaims, "No way! Is that the same one?!" Chuck's gaze is fixed on the chessboard set up in front of Negan.

"Same one, sweetheart. I saved it," he says, a smirk fixed on his face and a pair of glasses resting on top of his head. "Sit your ass down. I want to see if you still got it in you to fuckin' kick my ass." He pulls his glasses down onto his nose.

She laughs out slightly, "Oh, I think I just might." They begin taking their turns moving the pieces, falling into an easy, familiar rhythm.

"You know, I tried to start a fuckin' chess club after you graduated, but no one was interested."

"Really? Why didn't you do that when I was there? I could've used another extracurricular on my college applications." She laughs.

"I didn't fuckin' need a club since I already had a chess partner. After you graduated, I guess I fuckin' missed playing."

 _Wow. That's kinda… sweet. Oh jeez. I can feel my cheeks burning._

"Uh. I guess I missed playing, too. I went to this chess group thing and tried to play with some kids at college. It wasn't very fun, though. They were way too serious about it. One guy screamed right in my face for distracting him by crossing my legs too many times. You know… sorry I get uncomfortable easily," she trails off in the end.

"What a fucking dick! No way I woulda let that shit fly."

"Yeah, well. That was the last time I really played with anyone."

The game ends with Chuck winning and, true to his word, Negan brings out reheated leftovers for Chuck to eat.

"Thanks." She picks at the small portion, managing to eat all the food after some time. "Okay," she pushes the plate away from her on the coffee table, "my stomach is seriously full now." She chuckles.

"You did good, baby girl. I want you eating dinner with me every-fucking-day from now on. I want to make sure you're actually eating enough."

"Okay. As long as we can play chess afterward," she says and gives him a friendly smile.

"It's a fuckin' deal. You up for another match?" He smirks at her.

She giggles. "You just don't want to leave a loser."

"Maybe." They both laugh as they set up the board for another game. After several minutes, they are interrupted by Negan's radio.

" _Negan, sir. We got a little situation in the armory. You might want to come down here._ "

"Fuckin' shit," he growls.

Chuck looks at him a bit warily. She hopes the problem isn't anything serious.

"It's probably nothing to worry about. These fuckers can't figure out shit without my fuckin' say. Just stay here. I'll be back in a few minutes." He stands from the couch, making his way to the door. "Don't fuckin' cheat and move those pieces, either," he throws back, over his shoulder.

"I don't need to cheat to beat you, Coach."

He laughs out, "Watch that smart mouth, sweetheart." With that, he leaves his apartment.

After a few minutes of idleness, Chuck starts to wander around his room, running her fingers over his soft bedspread, smooth end table, and deep grained dresser. The pictures on the walls hold her interest momentarily before she moves on from them. She feels too awkward in his personal space, so she moves to his office. Rifling through the bookshelves, she stops her meandering fingers on an old black hardback. The complete works of Edgar Allen Poe. She carries the book back into Negan's bedroom and curls up on an armchair.

 _God, I used to love Poe as a moody teenager. It seems like so long ago now. Like it was a lifetime ago. I suppose it was, in a way._

She reads a few stories before the world of ravens and telltale hearts drifts away and sleep envelopes her.

—

Where am I? I'm in my room. No, not my room now. It's my childhood room.

"Mom! Mom, are you here?!"

" _Down here, sweetie._ " Her voice. It's too far away.

I need to find her.

The staircase is too long. The hallway, too wide.

"Mom, where are you? I can't find you."

I'm frantic. Everything is too dark. She sounds so strange. I need to find her.

" _Where are you, sweetie? Why didn't you come back for me?_ "

"I did! I did, mom! It was too late. You were already dead. I _thought_ you were dead. But you're here now. We can be together now. If I can just find you."

I open a door. I'm in my room at Rolling Acres.

I'm in my bed. The door opens.

"Ready for me, _honey_?" It's _him_.

"No! No, not you! Mom! Where are you?!"

"Shut up! I hate when you scream. You'll only make it worse for yourself, _honey_."

His weight is on top of me. His hands under my clothes. I can't push him away. My arms won't work.

"Please don't hurt me, Jacob! Don't! Not again. Not anymore. Please!"

I feel him push into me.

"Mom! Please! Help me…"

His hands grip my neck, squeezing tight.

"Don't. Please! Ne-Negan! Help me, Negan!"

—

"Chuck! Wake up!" Negan gently shakes her shoulders, coaxing her back into consciousness. The realization of where she actually is slowly creeps back to her.

"Negan?"

"I'm here. You're in my bed. You're safe."

 _What? I'm- How did I get here? Did I get into his bed? I don't remember that. My mind is still so fuzzy._

He reaches over and snaps on the lamp to her right. The illumination allows her to see that she is, indeed, in Negan's bed. She looks to him standing beside her and sees that he is wearing only his underwear. She immediately tenses up and closes her eyes tightly.

"Hey. You're okay, Chuck. I found you asleep on my fuckin' chair, so I put you in my bed. Then, you started having a fuckin' nightmare, or some shit. I could hear you fucking whimpering from the couch. You yelled my fuckin' name."

She opens her eyes and looks around. There is a pillow and blanket strewn haphazardly on the couch. He must've been sleeping there. She takes a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves.

"I'm sorry. I, uh. I didn't mean to wake you up. I should go back to my room. Get out of your hair-"

He interrupts her. "Is that why you haven't been sleeping? Nightmares?"

"Yeah, I guess," she mutters. "I've been… having a lot. All night, usually."

"Stay here then. If you have another one, I'll be right over there to show you that there's nothing to be fuckin' afraid of." He turns to go back to his couch.

"Wait." She grabs his hand. "I don't want to kick you out of your own bed. We can share. If you want, I mean."

 _I used to crawl into my mother's bed when I had terrible nightmares after my father died. Just being beside her helped me so much. Maybe… being beside Negan will help me, too._

"You sure?" he asks hesitantly.

"Yeah. I don't want you having to sleep on your own couch. And, um, it might, uh. Maybe it'll help… me. With the nightmares, I mean. But if you don't want to-"

He turns the light off and crawls in beside her to her left before she finishes her thought. "If you want me to leave, you just fuckin' kick me out, okay? I'll be fine with it."

"Okay," she whispers. "Night, Negan." She turns a bit awkwardly so she faces away from him and curls up in his soft blankets.

"Night, baby girl."

She closes her eyes and tries to ease herself back to sleep. No matter what she does, though, she can't stop her racing thoughts. At least they aren't about her past this time.

 _Is this weird? I'm in Negan's bed. With him. That's kinda weird, isn't it? We're not… doing anything though. Of course not! We're not even really laying that close together. He's just… helping me. I'm trying to let him help me. I know I need it. Maybe him being here will calm me and I can sleep._

 _Okay, it doesn't seem to be working because I'm freaking out about being with him… like this. He's almost naked!_ _ **I'm**_ _almost naked, actually! I don't even have underwear or a bra on under these clothes. I wonder if he noticed. Oh god, he probably-_

Negan's heavy arm comes down and wraps around Chuck's torso, pulling her close to his chest.

"Stop fidgeting around and just sleep, baby," he croaks out, half asleep.

"Oh." She squeaks out in surprise. "Uh. Sorry. Okay. I'll try."

 _Am I okay with this? I know I can push him away. I trust him. He's just so warm. He feels… nice. This feels nice, actually. And safe. Like how my mother used to hold me when I was a kid._

Before she knows it, Chuck drifts off to sleep.

The warm light streaming through the windows gently brings Chuck out of her restful slumber. She stretches her limbs out as she yawns.

"Bout time your lazy ass woke up."

She sits up quickly, now fully awake upon hearing Negan's voice, and looks over to him, sitting on his couch with glasses on his nose and a notebook in his hand. "Oh, uh. Sorry," she says as she rubs her eyes. "What time is it?"

"Just past fuckin' noon."

"What?! I have to get to work." She jumps out of the bed before really thinking about what she is going to do.

"Don't worry about that, Chuck," Negan says quickly. "You got the fuckin' day off." He sets his glasses and the notebook on the coffee table and gets up from the couch. "I'll make us something to eat."

"Oh, no. That's okay. Let me do it. You've done so much for me already. I feel bad. Let me return the favor and try to make you breakfast... Or lunch, I guess." She giggles and turns to leave the bedroom. Her motion is halted as he wraps his hand around her arm and pulls her back from his door gently.

"I'm gonna give you an official order here, sweetheart," he says, leaning into her personal space causing her to gulp nervously. "Stop putting fuckin' everyone else in front of yourself. Put yourself first, for once. Be a little selfish. Don't fuckin' 'feel bad' because I'm helping you. I'm helping you because I want to and you fuckin' deserve to be helped. So accept it. That's an order." He stares directly into her eyes, his face hard.

"Okay, Negan." Her tone is soft as she looks up to him. He lets go of her and enters his kitchen, Chuck close behind.

"Omelette?" he throws over his shoulder.

"Sure. That sounds amazing. Can I help?"

"Yeah, get all the shit out of the fridge." She gets all the ingredients out and starts to dice some veggies as Negan gets the pan and the stove ready. After a few minutes, the two sit down at the table to eat their meals.

"Wow, Negan. This is delicious. You're a very good cook. I bet Lucille loved it when you cooked for her."

He tenses up visibly at the mention of his former wife, but Chuck keeps going.

"M-my mom, uh, told me that she was sick and in the hospital. You know, before all this. Lucille was always so nice. I liked her a lot. My mom did-"

"Stop fucking talking, Chuck," he growls out.

"Okay. I'm sorry…"

"Did you fucking tell anyone about her?" He breaths hard as he glares at her.

"No, I didn't-"

"Don't tell anyone about her. I fuckin' mean it. And don't bring her up to me again."

"Okay. I won't. I'm sorry."

 _I didn't mean to upset him. What she went through… What he went through with her must've been horrible for him to have reacted that way. I knew she had cancer and didn't have long, but I don't know what happened to her. It seems I won't get any info out of Negan about it. I shouldn't have brought it up. I mean, he named his bat after her. Her death must've messed him up._

"I brought some of your clothes up here. You should get dressed," he says as he picks up their empty plates and puts them in the sink.

"Okay." She stands and goes into his bathroom to dress. She puts the clothes on and washes up as the soft sounds of a guitar being strummed from the other room fill her with nostalgia. She thinks back to when her mother taught her how to play. How her father sang to her-

 _Wait! Is Negan playing a guitar?!_

She rushes out of the bathroom and is met with Negan, sitting on his bed, with a very nice acoustic guitar in his hands.

"You play?" she says, trying to curb her excitement.

"A little. Not fuckin' much, really." He strums again. "I know a few chords."

"That's a really expensive guitar. It sounds a bit out of tune, though."

"Well, have at it, sweetheart," he says as he pushes the guitar into her hands.

"Oh jeez." She feels herself blush. "I haven't had my hands on a guitar in years." She gives out a nervous chuckle, but takes the guitar into her hands as she sits beside Negan. She gets to work tuning the instrument, all the while with a huge smile on her face. She strums it once and tries to hand it back to Negan.

"Play me something," Negan requests.

Chuck laughs nervously in response. "Uh. Like what?"

"Whatever you want." He smiles at her, waiting for her to start.

"Um. Okay." She looks toward the ceiling as she thinks of something to play. "Don't laugh at me. I'm super rusty, after all," she says as she picks out of the perfect song. One that's short and sweet. Her Majesty by The Beatles. She starts with the short guitar intro and then begins to sing the only verse in the song, ending it with a smile.

"The Beatles. Good choice," Negan says with a pensive look.

"My parents used to sing that song to me all the time. It was one of the first real songs I learned how to play, actually," she says with a sad smile, remembering how her father used to sing the song to her before bed. "That kinda hurt my fingers. I don't have any callouses anymore," Chuck laughs, wiggling her fingers in the air to illustrate her point. "I think I was a bit flat, too."

"Nah. You sounded fuckin' good to me." He lets out a breath and stands from his bed. "I better get up and fuckin' run this place, I guess. Lunch break is over. You can hang out here or whatever. I don't give a shit. Take that guitar, though, if you leave. It's yours."

"Oh, no. I can't take this. I didn't earn it."

"Remember my order?" He asks in an authoritative tone.

"Be a little selfish?"

"Exactly."

"But being selfish would make me a dick."

His hearty laugh echoes through the room. "But you'd be a fuckin' dick playing that sweet ass guitar."

Now she laughs. "I suppose," she concedes as he leaves the room, giving her a wink.

Chuck plays just about every song she can think of, belting out all the lyrics to songs she thought she'd long since forgotten. It's bittersweet remembering the songs that had so much meaning to her previous life. She lets out a few tears, but is so thankful to have that connection to the time before again.

"Excuse me?" A soft voice comes from behind Chuck, startling her.

She turns around and is faced with a beautiful brunette woman wearing a black dress standing in the doorway.

 _A wife. Oh god. I'm sitting on Negan's bed. I slept with him! Well not_ _ **slept**_ _slept with him. Does she know that I was here all night? Is she mad that I'm here in her husband's room? Should I just blurt out that I didn't have sex with him?!_

Chuck clears her throat nervously. "Hello."

"Hi. I'm Sherry. We… me and the other wives, we saw Negan bring you here last night. We wanted you to come into the parlor and talk with us."

 _Oh crap._


	5. Chapter 5

"Uh… Sure." Chuck sets the guitar down on the bed and follows Sherry into a room with double doors down the hall. The large room is, of course, beautiful. The front of the room is a large sitting area featuring several ornate couches and chairs in black and navy blue, along with a bar off to the side. To the back on the right is a kitchen area with black granite counters complete with a dining area. Along the back wall is a partially opened door leading to what looks like a large bathroom. To the left of the kitchen, behind the sitting area is a beautiful black grand piano. Chuck stares at the instrument, thoughts of all the songs she could play fluttering in her mind. Her thoughts are interrupted by Sherry.

"What's your name?" Sherry's polite voice brings Chuck's attention to the five women sitting around the room. "That's Amber." The young blonde one. "Tonya." The one with black hair and a smirk. "Frankie." The tall redhead. "And Kayla." The curvy brunette. Sherry points each of them out as she says their names.

"Um, I'm uh… Charlotte. But you can call me Chuck. Nice to meet you… all."

"Charlotte is such a beautiful name. Why would you want to go by Chuck?" Tonya says jokingly.

"Hey, I like it!" Frankie chimes in. "Boys names for girls are cute."

"I suppose you would think that, _Francis_ ," Tonya playfully mocks.

"Ugh. Don't call me that!" the redhead responds.

 _Okay. Everything is going well so far. They seem nice. And they don't seem mad at me. So... that's a plus._

"Are you joining us?" Kayla asks.

"Joining you for what?"

"The wives. Are you becoming one?" Kayla clarifies.

"Oh, no! _God_ , no." Chuck blurts out, flustered. "I'm not… It's not like like that. I'm up here because Negan just, uh, feels bad for me."

 _Really, Chuck? He feels bad? Just make yourself look super pathetic in front of these women, why don't you? Stupid._

"Negan doesn't feel bad for people," Amber interjects almost sadly.

"Amber." Sherry chides.

"Well, he doesn't, does he?"

"That's not exactly true and you know it, Amber. Don't scare the girl." Sherry's voice sounds like a scolding mother's.

"Don't mind Amber," Tonya says. "She's just a little… moody lately."

"So Negan didn't ask you to be a wife?" Frankie asks quickly, sharing looks with all the other wives.

"Oh no. I mean, _yeah_. He kinda did. But it was just because he thinks it would be easier on me here instead of... working. He doesn't… _want_ me, though. I'm not exactly his type, obviously." Chuck laughs nervously as she motions to herself.

" _Every_ woman is Negan's type. If you have a pussy, he'll want to put his dick in it," Tonya replies making everyone laugh.

Chuck shrugs her shoulders and blushes furiously.

"Well, he must think you're pretty special if he let you stay in his room all night. _We_ don't even do that." Frankie adds.

 _What should I say? I don't think Negan wants people to know that we knew each other before. How do I explain why he brought me up here?_

 _Wait... Why don't his wives stay in his room?_

"Were you hurt yesterday?" Sherry interrupts Chuck's thoughts. "You didn't look too good last night."

"Um. I'm okay. Negan, uh… He took me away… from a bad situation out there. He brought me here about a week ago. I, um, had a bit of a hard time adjusting, I guess…" Chuck says quietly, failing to keep her voice from cracking. She clears her throat before continuing, "Negan is trying to- he wants to help me. Get me healthy."

"Well, we're glad you're here. Hopefully, Negan will let you come up here more often. We don't get many visitors on this floor, so it's nice to talk with a new person." Kayla's voice is friendly.

 _Okay. I don't know how to respond to that. They're being so nice to me. I always feel so awkward when people give me attention._

 _Should I say something? No one is saying anything else and everyone is staring at me. Don't be awkward, Chuck. Say something!_

"How did they get that in here?" Chuck blurts out, pointing to the piano.

"Oh. There's a big freight elevator on the other side of the building. They got it working just for that." Tonya explains.

"Oh. So you guys play?" Chuck asks.

The women shook their heads. "Nope. None of us do. Actually the only person that plays it is Mr. Emerson. He was a piano tuner before the world got shitty. I think that's the only reason Negan brought that thing up here. He likes Mr. Emerson and the stories the old guy tells as he works on the piano." Frankie adds.

"Do you play? We heard you singing in Negan's room. It was really beautiful." Sherry smiles as she speaks.

Chuck lets out a nervous laugh. "It's been years. I'm sure I'm really rusty."

"Please play us something." Amber pleads with her.

"Go on. We want to hear anything but the same little practice song that Mr. Emerson plays." Tonya says as she pushes Chuck toward the piano. "Or Kayla playing Heart and Soul."

Chuck sits at the bench and pushes it forward. She lightly presses her fingers on the keys, getting a feel for them. It's a bit too much for her, having spent the morning playing the guitar. She never thought that music would be a part of her life again. But now she's sat in front of the nicest piano she's ever seen with people just waiting for her to play.

"Okay, don't judge if I don't sound good." She giggles nervously as her cheeks turn red. Chuck clears her throat and allows her fingers to dance across the keys, playing a song she had played a million times before. Nevermore by Queen. Her muscle memory guides her through the song as she sings the familiar notes and hits the right keys. The lyrics about love and loss float from her lips almost effortlessly.

Chuck is startled by the sound of clapping coming from the doorway.

"Jesus Christ, Chuck! I think you made some of the wives cry with that shit. It was goddamn beautiful as fuck!" Negan calls out with a laugh as he walks into the room.

"Did you write that?" Amber asks, wiping a tear from her cheek.

 _Jeez. I didn't mean to make anyone cry. I mean, they_ _ **asked**_ _me to play…_

"No-"

"That's fuckin' _Queen_." Negan interrupts. "You don't know Queen?" Amber shakes her head. "Shit. I'm gonna have to get a record player or some shit up here. Fuck, Chuck. I didn't realize how much I missed music until now," Negan says while making eye contact with Chuck.

Chuck says to the wives, "If you liked that, you should hear Freddie Mercury sing it. I can't hold a candle to him." She lets out a nervous laugh.

"Will you play us another song?" Kayla asks hopefully.

"Sorry, ladies. Chuck has an appointment she needs to keep." Negan gestures to the door.

"Oh, okay." Chuck stands from the bench. "It was nice meeting you guys." She waves to the wives as they say their goodbyes to her.

Upon entering Negan's bedroom, he asks, "What were you doing with them?" His tone is a bit annoyed for some reason.

"Nothing. Sherry came in here and told me that the wives wanted to talk to me. So… that's what I did."

"What did you talk about?"

"Nothing important. I wasn't really in there that long."

He lets out a heavy breath. "I know we haven't _really_ fuckin' talked about them. The wives…"

"I understand why you have them, Negan," Chuck interjects. "They separate you from everyone else. Elevate you. That's how this all works, right? You're, you know…" She extends her arms out wide, not being able to think of the right words.

"I'm big?" He chuckles with raised brows.

"Yeah. I mean, kinda. This place works because everyone has one thing to follow." She points to him. "You. And they follow you because you're above everyone else. Everything you do exerts power over them. The way you act. Everything you say. The wives are part of that. I'm not gonna say that I think it's _awesome_ , 'cause I don't. But I get it."

"Hmm." He makes the "I'm impressed" face. "You are smart as fuck, you know that? I didn't think you'd take it that well. Or look at it that logically. I thought you'd call me a disgusting fuckin' misogynist pig or some shit. I remember when you went off on Scott Howe for telling you to get back in the kitchen or what-the-fuck-ever he said. That was some funny shit."

"You saw that?" Chuck giggles at the memory then gets back on subject. "I mean, the whole wives thing is weird. If this were a completely polygamist society where all men had multiple wives, I would want nothing to do with being here. But since you're the only one with multiple wives, it's... not so bad, I guess." She shrugs. "But I don't think you're a _misogynist_. You're just… egocentric?" She laughs a bit nervously, not knowing if Negan would be offended. She's relieved when he starts to laugh genuinely.

"Yeah." He laughs more. "I suppose you're right."

The door to the office opens and closes. " _Sir? I got your food out here_ ," a voice calls out from Negan's office.

"Good. Dinner's here, sweetheart. I'm fuckin' starving," he says and they make their way to the kitchen. They both sit down with the food that the kitchen had prepared and start to eat.

"What did you have for lunch?" Negan asks.

She swallows her bite before speaking. "Uh. Actually I didn't really… eat anything. I got caught up with the guitar. I had too much fun playing, I guess." She chuckles nervously, avoiding his gaze. When she finally does look up at him, she sees that he has a disapproving look on his face. "I know, I know. I won't forget to eat tomorrow."

"No, you won't. I told the doc not to let you fuckin' skip lunch when you go back to work. He's probably going to talk to you about it, too."

Chuck scrunches up her face upon hearing that. "Great," she says sarcastically.

"Sorry about your luck, baby girl, but we need to get some fuckin' meat on those bones," he says with a full mouth as he points at her with his fork.

"Are you trying to make me chubby again?" she giggles. She always found it easier to be self deprecating when people gave her attention.

"When were you fuckin' chubby?"

"Ages 12 to 22," she jokes.

He gives her a disapproving face, then says, "Well you need to gain a fuckton of weight before you get 'chubby' now."

They finish dinner and move on to Negan's room to play chess.

"Did you know Simon, before all this?" she asks after Negan makes his move.

"Yeah, why the fuck you asking? You got the hots for him, or something?"

She throws her head back and laughs. "No! Not at all!" She stifles more laughs as Negan chuckles to himself. "I'm just curious! It seems like you guys are close." She makes her move and looks back to Negan.

"We're old friends. I ran into him some time after the dead fuckin' reanimated. He's been my right hand man the whole time I was building this fuckin' place."

"So you built all this right after getting back with Simon?"

"Pretty much. I mean, it took a little while to get this place to where it fuckin' is now." He scratches his beard and continues. "Simon worked here at the factory. Before. When I met back up with him, he thought it might be a good place to fuckin' hole up. He was right. We cleared it, found some more people. The Sanctuary was born."

"Simon didn't want to be the leader? You know, since he knew of the place."

"He didn't want all the fuckin' responsibility of running a place. Also, he's not exactly an idea man. He's a fuckin' great second in command, though. Gets all my shit done."

"Do you call him 'Number One'?" Chuck says in her best Patrick Stewart voice. "Please tell me you do!"

He laughs. "No. But I should."

"Would he get the reference?"

"Fuck no. He's not a Star Trek kinda guy. He watched shit like Rizzoli & Isles."

"Really?! That seems not true! Are you lying?"

"Nope. I shit you not. He watched the fuck outta that show. Talked about it all the fuckin' time."

Chuck laughs. "Simon's kind of a weird dude. He makes me laugh, though." She giggles.

"Oh, you don't know the fuckin' half of it. I've known that fucker since middle school and I could tell you some fuckin' stories." They both laugh.

"Have you ever run into any people from high school? _My_ high school, I mean."

"They were all dumbasses, so I'm sure they're all fuckin' dead."

"That's kinda defeatist."

"It's just realistic, sweetheart."

"I suppose. Did you go back there? The school, I mean. It probably has a ton of supplies."

"Yeah. A lot of people thought of that. It was picked fuckin' clean when we got there."

"Oh, yeah. I guess that's a pretty obvious place to go." She pauses as a thought occurs to her. "I still dream about high school every once in a while, for some reason." She laughs. "Like I'm late for a test or I didn't do a big project or something. How silly is that? Society literally ended and my mind is still preoccupied with high school."

Negan's face is suddenly set in a frown. "I had a fucking dream about that fucker Drew Hanson the first night you came here." He lets out a sigh. "I beat the shit out of him in it, just like I did in real life. I hadn't thought about him in fuckin' years," he trails off.

"Who's that?" Chuck asks with a confused look on her face. "Oh, wait. _Mr._ Hanson, the wood shop teacher? Why'd you beat him up?!" she exclaims excitedly. She loves to hear gossip. Even if it is ten years old.

"Your mom never fuckin' told you?" He looks surprised as Chuck shakes her head, confused. "Shit." He takes his glasses off and sets them on the coffee table before continuing. "That motherfucker _Brendon -_ remember that douche?-started to spread around that I was fucking you after I cut him from the baseball team for being late all the time. That little dickhole thought he'd get me fired with that shit. I shut that shit down quick, but fuckin' _Drew Hanson_ must've overheard him or something. He had the fuckin' audacity to come up to me in a goddamn bar and start talking about all the female students he wanted to fuck, like we were kindred fuckin' spirits and shit. Fuckin' pedo prick. Then he started saying some real fuckin' disgusting shit about you, wanted me to give him nudie pics of you and shit. Tell him stories about us fucking… Videotape you..." He shakes his head. "I dragged him out into the alley and beat the fucking fuck out of him. Told him if he ever even so much as fuckin' _looked_ at you again, I'd fuckin' kill him. And I meant it. Put the fuckin' fear of God in him. He quit his job the next day. I told your mom about it after she had us over for dinner that one time. It didn't feel right fuckin' keeping it from her. She said she didn't want you to fuckin' know about it. Said you'd be freaked out, so I never brought it up. I figured she'd've told you when you got older. Guess she never fuckin' did."

Chuck's mouth is agape for a moment; she doesn't know what to say. "That really happened? God, that's horrible. Why would he say that stuff about _me_? I never even took that guy's class. Guess I'm glad I didn't…" Chuck's not sure how to process the information Negan has just told her.

"Yeah. I hope that dick is good and fuckin' dead now. Wish I could've killed him myself."

Chuck is taken aback by Negan's visceral reaction to the years old memories. "That explains some things, I guess. Why we started to meet in the library instead of your office, right?"

"I didn't want people to fuckin' gossip about you. I couldn't care less what those fuckers said about me, but I didn't want them dragging your name through the fuckin' mud when you did nothing wrong."

"I never knew any of that. I guess you were always looking out for me, huh? You're a good man, Negan." Her voice is soft and genuine.

"I have my fuckin' moments, I guess."

It's silent for a few moments before Chuck says, "You know, my mom had such a big crush on you. She thought you were soooo hot." Chuck laughs, trying to lighten the mood. "She said you looked like a more rugged Denny from Grey's Anatomy. And she absolutely _loved_ him."

"Really? Shit, your mom was a goodlookin' woman. You mean I could've had a piece of that?"

"Gross, Negan." She pauses. "But, probably." They both laugh hard.

"So you could've called me 'Stepdaddy Negan'?"

"Ah, no!" Chuck exclaims, trying to stifle her laughs. "Too far! You just took it too far! That's super gross!" she yells as she waves her hands in front of her.

"Hey! You know, I have fuckin' feelings, too, sweetheart. And you calling me gross just hurts every fuckin' one of them," he jokes.

"Oh, I'm sure your ego is just so bruised." She smirks, sarcasm lacing her words.

"Well, there's only fuckin' thing I have to say to that. Check-muthafuckin'-mate!" He makes his final move as he smiles his huge grin at Chuck.

"Good game, Coach." Chuck is still giggling as she holds out her hand for him to shake.

"So, are you sleeping over again?" he says as he shakes her hand.

"What?" Chuck just assumed that that was a one time thing. Especially after what the wives had said.

"Do you want to sleep here tonight?" He asks matter-of-factly as he keeps eye contact with Chuck.

"Uh, no. I mean, why would I… sleep with you? Well not _sleep_ _with_ you. Right?" She laughs nervously.

"Calm down, Chuck," he says with a chuckle. "I'm not fuckin' propositioning you. You can sleep here if it helps with your fuckin' nightmares. That's all I meant."

"Oh, yeah. I knew that. Of course. I, uh, I think I can manage by myself. Probably. I mean, I _should_ manage it… myself." she says meekly. "Right?"

"Well, I'll be here if you fuckin' need me. I mean it, Chuck. If you need fuckin' help, I'll help you."

"Okay. I'll remember that," she giggles in nervousness as she makes her way to the door after grabbing her new guitar. "Thanks for the guitar."

"You're welcome. Good night, baby girl," he says as he opens the door for her.

"Good night, Negan." She exits and makes her way to her own room.

 _I slept okay last night. I think I'll be fine tonight. I mean, it's probably not that I was physically close to Negan that got rid of the nightmares, right? It was just that I know he's here and I'm safe, so I should sleep fine in my own room. By myself. Probably._

Chuck gets herself ready and cozies up in her bed. She writes a lengthy entry into her diary about Andy and being put in the cells, then about having dinner and spending the night with Negan, and finally about meeting the wives and playing music again. She stashes her diary and climbs back into bed, tossing and turning for a few minutes, before eventually falling asleep.

She's awoken some time later by one of the recurring nightmares that had become familiar to her over the last few days. She tosses and turns again for several more minutes, trying to fall back asleep to no avail. She decides to take Negan up on his offer and leaves her room, with an outfit ready for tomorrow in her hands.

 _Am I this pathetic? Running to "daddy's" room because I had a nightmare._

 _Ugh. That sounded weird even in my own head. What's wrong with you, Chuck? Do not refer to Negan as "daddy". I'm sure he'd be into that sorta thing…_

Chuck opens the door to Negan's floor and is met by his guard, a large Hispanic man probably in his late twenties.

"Could I see Negan, please?"

"Name?" the man asks gruffly.

"Chuck."

"Go on in. He's expecting you."

"Oh, uh… thank you."

 _Thanks for having so much faith in me, Negan._

 _I guess he was right, though. I_ _ **am**_ _here…_

Chuck opens the door to Negan's office and walks through to his bedroom door. She knocks three times, then waits. After a moment, the door opens, revealing Negan standing there in his underwear.

"You should've just stayed." Negan's voice is raspy with sleep.

"Yeah. Sorry…" she says, embarrassed. He moves off to the side to allow her to enter his room. She sets her clothes on his couch as he closes the door and gets back into bed. She tucks herself into his blankets and he moves in behind her, draping his arm over her just as he had done the night before. He falls asleep almost immediately, the sound of his deep breathing lulling Chuck into her own slumber.


	6. Chapter 6

The next couple of weeks go by quickly for Chuck, with her seemingly finding her groove at The Sanctuary. She makes sure not to skip her meals, per Negan's request. And even manages to strike up a few conversations with people in the cafeteria as she eats her breakfasts. Not that she made any real friends or anything, but she's trying to be more sociable. Sometimes Simon would stop by to eat with her, too. And he _is_ becoming a true friend. True to Negan's word, Carson makes sure she eats her lunch during her breaks, having a very awkward conversation afterward the first day about how unhealthy not eating enough is.

Chuck always has a few hours to herself after her shift before Negan retrieves her for dinner each day. She would usually take a shower and lounge in her room, writing in her diary, playing her guitar, and reading books. Sometimes, Chuck would go to Negan's floor early on her own to visit the wives. They like for her to play the piano for them and always seem so excited to see her. Chuck grows friendly with the women, over time. She discovers that the women have a lot to offer. They aren't just the living sex dolls that people would talk about on the floors below.

Every night, Chuck and Negan would eat dinner together, sometimes he would cook, sometimes she would (with much help from Negan), other times they get food from the kitchen. Afterward, they would play chess and then go to bed. Chuck has platonically slept in Negan's bed every night, keeping her nightmares at bay.

Chuck begins to get fully comfortable with Negan, considering him to be her best friend. He never pushes her to talk about what she went through, but he always listens when she talks about it. With Negan's help, she comes to terms with what happened to her. She's by no means completely over it, but she feels much better. Especially knowing that Negan will be there to support her.

Chuck saves up enough points to get a small tv and bluray player for her room. She practically squeals in excitement in the middle of the marketplace when she finds a box set of her favorite tv show. While Negan is away on a run for a few days, Chuck pretty much spends all night watching it. With Negan gone, Chuck knows that her nightmares will come back without him there, so she delays sleep as much as she can. The nightmares don't affect her quite as much as they once did, but they still disturb her sleep.

She is fast asleep in her own bed, having finished season four an hour earlier, when a sliver of light hits her face, waking her instantly. Her door is opened and a man's silhouette stands tall in the doorway. She is paralyzed for a moment before calling out to the intruder.

"Who is it?!"

"It's just me, sweetheart." Negan's familiar voice calms Chuck's nerves as soon as she recognizes it.

"Jeez, Negan! You scared me half to death," Chuck says as Negan closes her door and enters the room.

"Sorry, baby girl" he apologizes and strips down to his underwear. "Scooch over."

"What are you doing?"

"I got back from that run later than I wanted to and I'm tired as fuck. I want to sleep."

"But you never sleep in my room."

"Are you fuckin' kicking me out?"

"No."

"Then scooch over!" he says, exasperated, and lifts the covers from the bed to get in on her open right side.

"You always sleep on my left, though."

"I'm not sleeping by the wall. Jesus Christ, Chuck. If you don't shut the fuck up I'm going to throw you over my shoulder and drag you to my room so I can get some goddamn sleep. I haven't slept for two fuckin' days."

"Okay, okay! Jeez, Mr. Crankypants."

"Turn around so I can spoon."

"Yes, sir," Chuck says sarcastically. "Come into my room. Dictate how I sleep," she mutters to herself as she turns.

"I fuckin' heard that."

The next morning, Negan is still asleep when Chuck wakes. She turns around to face him, trying to figure out how to get out of her bed. Negan is to her right and the wall is to her left.

"Negan," she whispers loudly, trying to wake him up. "Negan, I have to get up and get ready for work."

He lets out a groan. "Fuckin' get up then. Why the fuck do I have to be awake for it?" he rasps sleepily and shifts onto his back.

"Because you're in the way and I can't get out of bed unless I crawl over you." She pokes him gently on his cheek and giggles when he scrunches up his nose at her.

"Well, crawl over me. I'm still fuckin' sleeping."

She lets out a groan and starts to awkwardly crawl over him.

"Don't knee me in the dick."

She giggles and finishes clumsily climbing out of her twin bed, practically falling onto the floor. Negan starts snoring immediately after.

"How does he fall asleep so quickly?" she says to herself.

Her shift later that day is mostly uneventful, so Chuck is reading about more advanced wound care while she sits at the counter. She is interrupted by Simon.

"Heya, angel." He nods to the doctor. "Carson."

Carson nods a greeting and goes back to his work at his desk.

"Hey, Simon. You need something?" she asks.

"The guys are bringing in some stuff from the run they went on yesterday. They'll be around in a little bit."

"Oh, good," Chuck responds.

"So how are you doing, kiddo?"

"I'm good. How are you?"

"Just peachy." Simon pulls at his waistband and puts his hands on his hips. "You look really good. Healthy, I mean."

"Oh. Thank you." Chuck feels her cheeks flush. "I've gained some weight back."

"If you're into gelato, I know this lady that makes it. We can get some... together after your shift-"

" _Simon, the guys in the garage are fuckin' idiots. Will you deal with that shit?_ " Negan's voice barks through Simon's radio.

"On my way, boss," Simon says into it. "See ya later, angel." Simon turns to leave.

"Bye."

After her shift, Chuck makes her way back to her room to relax for a bit. She turns on her tv and watches a few episodes of her show before Negan is due to come get her. Right on time, he enters her room, not bothering to knock. He looks at the tv screen for a few moments before speaking.

"The fuck are you watching?"

"Supernatural. It was my favorite show. I guess it still _is_ my favorite show. It's not like any new ones are going to come out any time soon to replace it."

"Oh shit! That's a nice fuckin' car," he says as the '67 Chevy Impala races down the road on the screen. "I had one just like it!"

"No way!" Chuck exclaims. "I didn't know that!"

"Wait." Negan narrows his eyes at the screen. "Who's _that_ guy?" He points as the camera focuses in on the driver of the car.

"That's Dean Winchester. He's my favorite character," she says with a smile.

" _That_ guy is?" he teases.

"Well, yeah. Look at him. He's perfect. He's funny and loyal. He's saved countless people. And he's pretty much the most gorgeous man ever."

"You think _he's_ gorgeous?"

"Yes, Negan," she says, exasperated at Negan's questioning. "He's objectively beautiful, okay? Everyone thinks he's handsome. It's not even a matter of opinion. It's just a scientific fact. That dude is perfect."

"Come with me. I want to show you something," he says with a mischievous grin on his face. Chuck follows, intrigued with what Negan is leading her to. They make their way up to Negan's room quickly. Once there, he goes to his closet and rummages in it for a bit, before finding a box. He sets it on the bed and pulls out a photo. He cockily holds it up to Chuck's face for her to look at. It's a picture of a young man who looks strikingly like Jensen Ackles, the man that played Dean Winchester.

 _Why does Negan have a picture of a younger Jensen Ackles with a bowl cut? Did he know him? Wait. That's not him. This guy looks a little different. His hair is too dark. And he has darker eyes and… dimples?_

 _Oh god, that's Negan. He looked so much like Jensen Ackles when he was younger! Wow, he was hot! I guess me and my mom have the same taste in guys after all._

 _What am I thinking?! That's Negan I'm talking about! Oh man, he's going to tease me mercilessly now. That's why he looks so amused._

"Ah?!" He pulls the picture back beside his face and gestures between the two. "See the resemblance?" he teases.

"I see it," she says, annoyance in her tone.

"So you have the fuckin' hots for me."

"No, I don't."

"You fuckin' _just_ said you did!"

"No. I said I have the hots for _Jensen Ackles_. And you're not him."

"You wanna get a fuckin' closer look at that picture? We look fuckin' alike!"

"Maybe _young_ you did. But not you now." She laughs.

"I didn't age that fuckin' badly, Chuck. Shit."

"Aww. I'm sorry. Did I hurt your feelings?" she says sarcastically, trying to change the subject and get the pressure off of her. "Would you like me to get one of the wives in here so she can stroke your ego?"

He lets out a booming laugh. "Did you just make a handjob joke?"

She furrows her brow at him for a second. "No! Oh my god! I didn't mean it like that!" she blushes heavily as he laughs loudly.

"Don't try to change the subject with dick jokes. I know you always had a crush on me in high school."

"I never had a crush on you. All the other girls definitely did. And my mom, but not me."

"What? Why the fuck not?"

She shrugs her response. Their conversation is interrupted by the kitchen worker bringing in their dinner. They settle down with their plates and continue their conversation, much to Chuck's dismay.

"Why didn't you ever have a fuckin' boyfriend in high school, then? I figured it was because you held a fuckin' torch for yours truly." He grins at her.

"Not everything is about you, Negan."

"Then why no boyfriends?"

She lets out a huff. "I barely had any _friends_!" she exclaims and shakes her head. "I don't know, have you met me? I'm weird looking and awkward. Not everyone is as genetically blessed and confident as you are. Some of us are just… unattractive."

He scrunches his face at her. "You're shy as fuck, and, yeah, kinda awkward, but you're not weird looking. You're not unattractive."

"Well, my 25 years of life experience begs to differ."

He raises his brows. "Surely after high school there were some nerdy college guys just itching to get in those panties of yours."

"Uh, no. No guy has ever really been attracted to me. I've never even had a boyfriend," she mutters as she pokes at her food with her fork.

"Are you exaggerating?"

She shakes her head in response.

"No fuckin' way! Are you telling me you're a virgin?"

"Well, obviously not… considering how I came to live here." Even though she never wants to talk about the specifics of what had happened to her at Rolling Acres, she is comfortable enough with Negan to mention it. She knows that he already knows her past and would never push her into talking about it if she didn't want to.

"Fuck." He drops his fork. "I didn't mean... That shit doesn't count, Chuck. Jesus…" Negan snaps back quickly.

"Well, _technically_ it does-"

"No, not fuckin' 'technically'. If you never consented for a man to stick his dick in you, you're a virgin."

"Then, by that definition, I guess I am," she says after a beat.

"No shit? That's _interesting,_ " He says as he smirks at her.

"Not particularly," she throws out. "If you think _that_ is interesting, then you must be really bored in life," she jokes.

"Then I guess I am," he says as he cocks his eyebrow.

The next night, Negan makes the two of them a full meal, along with a bottle of wine. Negan portions out the food onto their plates and pours the wine into two glasses.

"Wow. This all looks amazing! But, uh. I'm not really a big drinker." She points to the glass in front of her that Negan had just filled with red wine.

"Just a few sips then. We're fuckin' celebrating. And I'm not celebrating fuckin' alone."

"What exactly are we celebrating?"

"You putting on weight, being happy. Looking like an actual living person."

"Gee, thanks for that _sorta_ compliment." She giggles and takes a sip of the wine. "Wow." She smacks her lips. "This is really good. The wine I had before tasted horrible. I didn't know wine was _this_ good." She takes a bigger gulp.

"Well you have expensive fuckin' taste, then. We got a bunch of bottles of fuckin' primo shit from some upscale restaurant a while back. This shit would've been expensive as fuck before."

"I like it a lot." She takes another drink.

"Well slow the fuck down. I'm not trying to get you fuckin' hammered."

After dinner, they move into Negan's room, wine in hand, to play their nightly game of chess. Several minutes in, Negan excuses himself to use the bathroom.

 _Oh my god, this wine is soooo good, but Negan is being stingy with the refills. What he doesn't know won't hurt him…_

While he is gone, Chuck chugs her whole glass of wine and refills it twice, before he sits back down to resume the game. Some time later, the wine starts to take its toll on her.

"Checkmate!" Chuck slurs then hiccups.

"That's not even fuckin' close to checkmate, sweetheart."

"Pfffft! Yes it is!" She slaps her hand down on the table and laughs as some of the pieces fell over.

"Oh shit. You are drunk as fuck. You really are a fuckin' lightweight."

"I drank a bunch when you were in the bathroom. Like a _bunch_ ," she says, breaking into a fit of giggles.

"Shit, Chuck." He lets out a disappointed huff. "I guess this game is over then. Your fuckin' brain is definitely not working right. Time to get you to bed." He starts to stand, but is interrupted by her.

"No, no, no, no. Wait! I want to ask you something." She stands from her chair and tries to step over the coffee table in front of her to get to Negan's couch. She stumbles and lands directly in Negan's lap.

"Fuck! What are you doing? Be careful!" Negan says as he tries to lift her up by her arms.

"Whoops!" Chuck laughs out.

With her upper half being held by Negan, she clumsily kicks out her legs looking for purchase, hitting the chessboard, and sending the pieces flying all over the room. Eventually she pulls herself up and brings up her legs to straddle Negan's thighs.

"Jesus Christ, Chuck! What the fuck are you doing?"

"I want to ask you something."

"You can do that from any-fuckin'-where but on my fuckin' lap," he says as he holds his arms out awkwardly, trying not to touch her.

She takes off his glasses and turns to set them on the coffee table behind her. "Why do you have a beard?" she giggles and brings her hands up to touch his cheeks.

"That's your urgent question?" Negan says as he cocks his eyebrow at her.

"Yup."

"Uh… I'm a grown ass man and I haven't shaved. It's not fuckin' rocket science."

She moves around in his lap and caresses his face and neck as she giggles. "No. I mean _now_. You didn't have a beard when you teached me in high school. Pffffft!" She laughs at herself while slapping Negan on the shoulders. "When you _taught_ me!" She descends into a fit of giggles before bringing her hands back to his face.

"Fuck. Stop moving around so much, Chuck." Negan squirms a bit underneath her. "Shit."

"I like beards a lot. My mom probably wouldn't like your beard, though. It hides those dimples." She pokes her index fingers into his cheeks, making him smile. "She always loved your dimples. I think they're stupid." She traces the lines on his face.

"What? Why the fuck are they stupid?" Negan responds, suddenly a bit offended.

"They're not stupid! Don't say that! I didn't say that! I like them! They just don't fit. Like, why did you make them?"

"What?!" He chuckles. "What the fuck are you even fucking talking about?" He can't help but laugh at her and her drunk logic.

"Like, your dimples are cute. But you're not cute, so they don't fit."

Negan quirks a brow. "I'm not _cute_?"

"Listen!" She squeezes his cheeks together causing him to laugh. "Like, dimples are for cute boys and you're not a cute boy. You're a… manly… guy. All…" she gestures broadly at him, "… hunky and… dangerous, you know what I mean?" She taps his nose with her finger as she says the last part. "Not. Cute."

"You think I'm hunky?" He grins at her.

"I guess. I mean everyone else does, right?"

"Is that why you're sitting on my fucking lap right now? Because you think I'm hunky? And drunk Chuck is just enough fucking uninhibited right now to crawl right the fuck on top of me?" He smirks at her.

"What? I don't get it." She giggles. "Oh! I think I'm in your lap because… _I just_ _ **fell**_ _into your lap_!" She laughs so hard at her own joke that her whole body shakes.

"Fuck, baby. You are waking the fuckin' beast right now." Negan groans out as he tries to still her by placing his hands on her shoulders.

As her laughs die down, her expression gets more serious. "You're my best friend, Negan. I wouldn't be here without you." She shifts forward to press herself against him and hugs him tightly.

"Shit. Is 'cute drunk Chuck' gonna turn into 'weepy drunk Chuck'?" he says quietly as he reciprocates the hug.

"I like hugging you."

"You do?" Negan whispers.

"Yeah. You're warm. And I feel safe with you."

He pauses for several moments before responding. "Is that the _only_ reason? I just make you feel safe?" He shifts to try to look at her face.

"Negan!" She starts to laugh and squirm around. "Your beard tickled my neck!"

"Shit." Negan grasps her shoulders. "Okay, you really need to get the fuck off me now." He tries to push her away from him.

"Wait! I want to touch your beard some more! I'm not finished!" She brings her hands to his beard again as he tries to stop her.

"Goddamnit. _I'm_ gonna fucking finish if you don't stop grinding on my fuckin' dick like that," he says almost to himself.

"Oh my god. Did I hurt you?" she gasps. In her addled state, she doesn't understand what Negan is really saying. "Let me see. Did I squish your… you know?" she asks genuinely as she tries to bring her hands down to touch Negan's lap. He quickly grabs her hands and pulls them up, stopping her.

"Don't do that!" he exclaims. "Goddammit, Chuck. You're fuckin' killing me here."

"I'm so sorry, Negan. I didn't mean to hurt you! You're my friend!" she says as tears well up in her eyes. She throws her arms around his neck and hugs him tightly.

"Fuuuuuck." He breaths out heavily. "I'm fine, baby. You just… gotta… get the fuck off me, please. You don't know what you're doing to me." He moves his hands to her waist and tries to lift her off of him.

"Wait, Negan! Wait!" She giggles and moves her face right in front of his. "Negan, I have to tell you something, but it's a secret," she says in a breathy voice.

Negan swallows thickly and runs his hands from her waist to her hips and thighs.

"Negan?" She pushes forward, closer to him, and puts her hands gently on the sides of his face.

"Yeah, baby?" He whispers to her, their lips so close that they graze each other with the movement.

"I- I think…" she swallows and clears her throat. "I think... the wine went bad. I don't feel very good. I'm gonna be sick."

"Fucking shit!" He quickly lifts her up and carries her to the toilet just in time for her to empty the contents of her stomach into it. "There you go. Get it all out," he says gently as he holds her hair and rubs her back when she retches. "You all done?"

She swallows a few times. "Yeah. I think so." She cleans herself up a bit and Negan leads her back to the bedroom.

"Can you get yourself in bed while I go to the bathroom?"

"Yeah. I can."

" _Do not_ fuckin' puke in my bed."

"I think I'm okay."

While Negan is in the bathroom, Chuck tries to get herself dressed for bed. She takes off her pants and tries unsuccessfully to take her bra off under her shirt.

"How do I usually do this without taking my shirt off? Why can't I figure this out right now?" she says to herself. "Negan! Will you help me take my bra off!" she yells to him. When Negan doesn't come out, she decides to just take her shirt and bra off all together and crawl onto the bed wearing just her underwear. She closes her eyes and immediately falls asleep.

Chuck starts to stir as she slowly wakes up the next morning.

"Ugh."

 _God, I feel crappy. Why do I feel so crappy? Oh, right. Wine. I drank a lot of it. I. am. an. idiot._

 _What happened last night? Uhh. I remember telling Negan he was my friend. I remember hugging him. And rubbing his face. I remember him desperately trying to push me off him. I think I might have inadvertently molested Negan a little bit… maybe. Ugh! Kill me now!_

 _Why am I wearing Negan's shirt? I don't remember putting that on. I'm pretty sure I didn't take it off him. I remember taking_ _ **my**_ _shirt off. I must've gotten this out of his dresser. God…_

 _Well, whatever. Don't think about how much I embarrassed myself last night. I need to pull myself together and get ready for work. Ugh. Working with a hangover. How classy. I'm never getting drunk again._

Luckily for Chuck, no emergencies come up at the infirmary and she has a pretty lazy day. By the time Negan gets her for dinner, she feels pretty much back to her old self.

"So, how was your day?" Negan says with a smirk as he plates up the food he had prepared.

"I was hurting for most of it," Chuck confirms. "I don't think I like wine anymore." They both laugh.

"How much do you fuckin' remember from last night?" Negan asks as he takes his seat and digs into his food.

"I remember most of it, I think. Bits and pieces, anyway. I know I puked at some point."

"Yeah. Thanks for that. At least I got you to the fuckin' toilet."

"I vaguely remember talking about your beard." She scrunches up her face in embarrassment, waiting for his response.

"Oh, yes. You were very interested in my face."

"Ugh. God. Sorry! I didn't mean to molest you."

"You're definitely a handsy drunk." Negan lets out a booming laugh.

"I'm so embarrassed!" She brings her hands up to her cheeks. "I know I must've put your shirt on at some point." She tries to change the subject.

"Nope. I found you fuckin' spread out in my bed mostly naked. I put that shirt on you so you wouldn't freak the fuck out when you woke up."

"Oh, no! Don't tell me that! You're lying. Just say that you're lying and that I didn't get naked in front of you," she pleads as a blush spreads over her face. She is embarrassed at the thought of Negan seeing her naked, but she knows he would never take advantage of her.

"Sorry, sweetheart. I'm not gonna fucking lie to you. I got an eyeful of your titties."

"Ugh!" Chuck screams and puts her head down on the table in an attempt to cover her red face.

Negan lets out a laugh. "No need to be embarrassed, baby. You got nice tits." He teases.

"Stop!" She shoots her head up. "Completely forget about that! Just purge that image from your mind!"

"Nope. That shit's permanently saved now." They share a laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation and go back to eating.

The next day starts off like any other with Chuck having spent most of her shift helping Carson hand out medication and cleaning out various minor cuts. Near the end of her shift, two men come in, one worse off than the other.

"My buddy here, he, uh, he had a… seizure," one man says as he leads the other one to a bed.

"Does he have a history of seizures?" Carson asks.

"Uh, yeah. He's had them before. Uh... yeah."

Carson does a cursory exam and determines that the man is fine for now, but needs to be watched overnight. Carson dismisses the patient's friend, telling him not to worry.

"Charlotte, would you stay here to watch over the patient?"

"Oh yeah, sure. Is there anything I need to do?"

"Just observe him. If he starts to seize again, give me a call on the radio. I'm going to head out to eat dinner and then I'll be back to check on the patient. Just keep him resting for now. When I come back, you can go and eat your own dinner. Because we're going to be here all night."

When Carson leaves the room, Chuck picks up the radio to let Negan know about what is going on. "Negan?"

" _Yeah, Chuck? Problem in the doc's office?"_

"Nothing serious. We have a patient here that needs overnight observation. Just wanted to keep you up to speed."

A few minutes later, Negan enters the infirmary with a plate full of food.

Chuck greets him. "Oh, hey, Negan. You didn't really need to stop by."

"I brought you fuckin' dinner. I didn't want you to go hungry if you're going to be here all night. Where's the doc?"

"He went to eat his own dinner actually. He should be back in a few minutes."

"What's wrong with the guy?" Negan asks as he points to the man sleeping in the bed, setting the plate of food on the counter in front of Chuck.

"He had a seizure. His buddy brought him in earlier."

"Hmm." He pauses, running his hand over his beard. "Alright, then. You don't get out of your turn fuckin' cooking for me because duty calls. You're cooking for me tomorrow night."

She laughs. "Yeah, yeah. Okay. It's not like you don't do most of the work anyway," she says sarcastically. "See ya later," she calls out as he walks through the door to leave.

Several minutes later, Carson returns and asks, "How is the patient?"

"He's just been sleeping. No new developments," Chuck says between bites of the meal that Negan had brought her.

After several hours of nothing going on, boredom sets in for both Carson and Chuck. Carson has caught up on all his work and then browses medical texts while Chuck takes inventory of medical supplies.

"I don't think both of us really need to be here," Carson says and he closes the book that he was reading. "I'll be in my room. Just radio me if anything arises. And keep the door locked. It's technically after hours, even though you're still in here." With that, Carson takes his leave.

"Great. Low man on the totem pole gets the crap job of babysitting all night," Chuck mutters to herself. She finishes up the inventory and curls up in the empty bed with a book. Late into the night, Chuck's story is interrupted by a light knocking on the door. She opens it and sees that the patient's friend standing in the doorway.

"Can I help-" Chuck is suddenly hit on the head from behind, hard. She instantly falls to the ground, blacking out for a moment.

"I got held up so we need to hurry," the friend says urgently.

"I think we really fucked up with this plan. Negan stopped by and I think he's sweet on the girl. He's gonna fucking kill us!" the former patient says urgently.

The other man gives him a look and picks up a pair of scissors from the counter. He walks over to Chuck, who is lightly moaning in pain on the floor. He covers her mouth with his hand, making sure the noises she's making are muted. "We should be long gone before anyone knows what happened. As long as the bitch doesn't raise a stink and a savior comes running. Take that radio on the counter. We'll be able to hear when the alarm sounds." The man gestures to the other and he takes the radio. "Now go get the pills from the closet and I'll make sure she doesn't scream." The man takes the scissors and stabs Chuck in the left side. He squeezes her mouth shut to stifle her howl of pain. "Fuck! Why are you taking so long? We only have a few minutes before guard change at the gate. Get that closet open and get the pills!"

Chuck is barely aware of what happens next, hearing shuffling around and hushed voices. She knows that she needs to get help, but she doesn't dare move, fearing what the men would do to her. She tries her hardest to keep awake, but the darkness starts to seep in. She can't fight it any longer and blacks out.


	7. Chapter 7

Chuck waits several minutes after coming to before she begins to move, making sure that the men are gone. She knows she's lost a lot of blood and is feeling the effects of it. Already, she is feeling sluggish. She has to get help soon or she won't make it. The closest person to her is Dr. Carson in his room down the hall, so that's where she needs to go. Grabbing a nearby towel, Chuck pushes it into her wound to slow her bleeding, and growls out in pain. She shuffles as best as she can out of the infirmary, turning down the hall and leaving a trail of blood behind her.

"Someone…" she whispers out harshly, not being able to get enough volume to alert any patrolling saviors that may be passing close by. She tries desperately to make it down the hallway as fast as she can, but she is losing time. Her vision is starting to fade and dizziness is setting in. She sees a lone figure turn the corner, recognizing that it is Simon. He doesn't seem to be paying attention as he turns away from her and heads off in the other direction. She knows she isn't going to make it all the way to Carson's room at this rate. Simon is her only hope.

"Si- Simon!" she manages to croak out loudly enough for him to hear. He turns and quickly heads her way. Before he can reach her, she collapses on the ground, her energy fading.

"Fuck! No no no no!" Simon yells out. "Carson! Carson get the fuck out here!" He screams as he starts to cradle her, placing his hand on her wound and pressing hard to try to quell the bleeding. "Chuck! Stay with me, angel! What happened?! Someone get the fuck over here!"

"Get her in the infirmary now." Carson yells out quickly as he approaches the scene from behind Simon. Simon hurriedly carries Chuck back to the infirmary and sets her onto a bed, Carson close behind.

"Fuck. What the fuck happened here?" Simon asks as he stands transfixed at the disheveled state of the room, which includes a large pool of blood in the middle of the floor.

"Simon! I need you to help me. Keep pressure on that wound."

A patrolling savior, having heard Simon's yells, comes into the infirmary. "Holy shit. What happen-"

"Get Negan down here! Get some guys to patrol the area. And call the damn gate! See if anyone tried to leave!" Simon barks out to the man, who swiftly takes to his radio.

"Back up, Simon. I need to examine the wound," Carson demands after he had cut Chuck's shirt away and gloved up. "Hold her still."

Simon moves up to place his hands on her shoulders firmly. She is still conscious and squirming around weakly, writhing in pain. Carson begins to clean the wound and examine the damage that was done.

"What the _fuck_ happened?!" Negan shouts, out of breath, as he rushes into the room, wearing only unzipped pants and untied boots. He obviously jumped out of bed and ran as soon as he got the call.

A savior pokes his head in to inform Negan of the news he's just received. "Sir, they caught two men at the gate-"

"Put them in the fuckin' cells. Now! I'll deal with them later!"

The savior hurries away to obey the order.

"Negan, you're going to have to give her blood. I need to run an IV. Sit here." Carson pulls a chair up to Chuck's bed.

"Do it." Negan takes his seat and holds his arm out, his gaze flitting around Chuck's body.

"Put pressure on that wound, Simon. I'm not done closing it." Carson makes short order of putting Negan's IV in so he can start filling the bags and moves back to Chuck's wound. "I don't think any organs are affected which is extremely fortunate. She has lost a lot of blood though."

"Why aren't you fucking putting some in her then! Why can't I just give her blood directly?!" Negan yells, barely holding his anger back.

"I need to stop the bleeding first or she'll just bleed it all out. You only have so much blood to give her. We can't waste it. Unless we call one of the other donors."

"Fuck!" Negan pounds his fist into the arm of the chair. "They're both off sight at the goddamn satellite outpost right now! Why the _fuck_ did I send them there?!"

"Ah!" Chuck cries out weakly in pain.

Negan looks up to her and then a look of sudden realization sweeps across his face. "Where's the fucking man that was in here?"

"It was empty when we came in. Maybe he got the fuck outta dodge when this shit went down," Simon answers quickly, still holding Chuck's shoulders.

Negan sucks on his teeth. "No. I bet you any-fuckin'-thing that the two motherfuckers in the cells are the two fuckin' guys that were in here earlier. I fuckin' _know_ it." He gestures to the open medicine closet. "They wanted fuckin' drugs and they fuckin' attacked Chuck to get them." Negan is trying hard to stay calm but his grip on his emotions is starting to slip. "I'm gonna fuck up those motherfucking cocksucking fuckers! They are fuckin' _dead_ when I fuckin' see them! How the fuck did this happen, Carson?! Why didn't you stop them?! Radio it in?! Call for fuckin' help?!"

"I-I wasn't in here. I was in my room. Both of us didn't need to-"

"You fucking left her fucking alone in here with a strange goddamn man?! You fucking _idiot_!" he screamed.

"I thought it would be fine. I couldn't have known that he was planning anything-"

"I'm gonna fucking kill you, Carson, I swear to fuckin' Christ."

Carson blanches at his words.

"Negan, you need to calm down. He has to work on her," Simon pleads.

"If she dies, Carson…"

"She won't," the doctor assures.

Chuck moans quietly before finally losing consciousness.

— Negan's POV —

Fuck. She can't die. Not fucking like this. Not under my protection. Fuck. I can't let her die.

"I've closed the wound. I'm going to start giving her your blood now."

"Do it. How much can I fucking give her?"

"You should be able to give her enough," Carson begins. "She'll make it, through. She's young and relatively healthy now. If this had happened to her when she first came in, the prognosis would not have been as good."

"So she's going to live?" Simon asks, looking like a lost fucking puppy.

"Of fucking course she will!" I scream at him. Fuckin' Simon. Acting like he fuckin' knows her. He has no fuckin' idea.

— 23 days ago —

I walk into my fucking office after getting Chuck into her room and Simon is there waiting for me. Just like a fucking told him to.

"Did you get the new girl settled into her room?"

"Yeah." Fuck, I'm tired. My shoulders are fuckin' sore from beating those fucking rapist fucks to a fucking pulp. I plop my ass down in my desk chair and rub my face. "Fuck… I knew her, Simon."

"Who? The girl?"

"Yeah. Her name's Chuck. I fuckin' taught her. Years ago. She was one of my kids."

He looks at me like he's seen a fuckin' ghost or some shit. "Shit," he whispers to himself.

"Yeah. Don't tell anyone." I don't want people to know my fuckin' past. And they'll be all up in her shit asking her for fuckin' info on me if they know we were close before all this shit.

"I won't. You okay?"

"Me? Of fucking course I am. Why the fuck wouldn't I be?"

"That shit was pretty fucked up back there as it is. But then you _know_ her…"

"I'm just fuckin' glad I killed those fuckers. I wish we had fuckin' found them sooner."

"Yeah. Those guys fucked her up. She thought I was going to fuck her when I took her away from the lineup. She was just going to let it happen, like that was normal…"

"Fuck." Who the fuck would hurt her like that? She was always so sweet and fuckin' innocent. I can tell she still is. Even after this world turned to shit. "She was one of my favorite kids. I spent a lot of time with her her senior year. I haven't even fucking thought about her in years." Why didn't I keep in touch? I should've kept in touch… "I didn't even fuckin' recognize her. She's so fuckin' skinny. Those fucks starved her. I know it."

"She'll get better here."

"We should've taken that fucking nursing home months ago. It's not that fuckin' far away."

"We didn't know about it. It's too far back from the road."

"We need to look fucking harder for these settlements."

Simon nods. Neither of us says anything for a few minutes.

Simon breaks the silence. "You gonna ask her to be a wife?"

"Fuck, Simon! Of course not! She just spent god knows how long getting raped by her last leader! I'm not gonna ask her to fucking _marry_ her current one. She'd be terrified of me!"

"Yeah. You're probably right."

Making her a wife _would_ keep her safe up here with me, though. But that's too fucked up. I can't do that to her. Not yet, anyway. Fuck, I don't even want to fuckin' tell her about the wives. She'll think I'm a goddamn monster.

"I want you to keep a fuckin' eye on her."

He nods. "I will."

"And keep your fuckin' hands off her." I saw how he was joking around with her, making her fucking laugh…

He grimaces at me. "Negan. I wouldn't do that. Like you said. She's traumatized and I don't want to scare her."

"Good."

"I want to protect her, too. She reminds me of-" he scratches his head. "She reminds me of how people were before. Good, you know? The way we all were before we had to be like… this."

"Yeah." She _is_ fucking good. Always was.

After Simon leaves, I go to the wives' lounge like I usually do. I feel like fuckin' shit being there, though. My mind is preoccupied with all the shit Chuck must've fuckin' went through. I know the wives are waiting for me to choose one of them, so I just pick the one that's the easiest to get off. Kayla. I fuck her as fast as I can and go back to my own room.

Fuck, I'm a piece of shit.

I toss and turn for-fuckin'-ever until I finally get to sleep. I end up having a fucked up dream about fucking Drew Hanson and Chuck. He was raping her. It was fucked up. Really fucked up. The way she screamed… It fucked my shit up. Like, I know it's gonna fuckin' haunt me all fuckin' day tomorrow. I beat the shit out of him in my dream at least, just like I did the last fuckin' time I saw him in real life. I just give up on getting any fuckin' sleep at all after that. Fuckin' Chuck. Her being here is fucking me up. Bringing shit out of me I don't want.

I guess I got some fuckin' inventory sheets I can look through…

— 17 days ago —

What the fuck happened with Chuck? She fuckin' stabbed one of my men! I know something fuckin' happened. Why wouldn't she tell me? She doesn't trust me? The last thing I ever wanted to fuckin' do was punish her. I should've been there for her. What did I miss-

"Why did you make me throw her in a damn cell, man?!" Simon yells as he barges right the fuck into my office, avoiding the bookcase I pulled off the wall in anger a few minutes ago. His expression seems to change when he notices it.

"I fuckin' had to. She stabbed Andy in the infirmary! You know that shit is a week in the hole. And I'd rather _you_ throw her in there than anyone else." I don't need Simon's shit right now. I rest my elbows on my desk and hold my head in my hands.

"What? Did he touch her?"

I shoot my head up to look at Simon. "You think I'd punish _her_ if he had?! He'd be fuckin' dead and I'd've called you to burn his fuckin' body." I let out a huff. "Doc saw the whole thing. Said he didn't lay a finger on her."

"He still alive?"

"Yeah. She missed everything major. Doc stitched him up."

Simon looks relieved. With good reason. If Andy had fuckin' died… the punishment for murder is being put on the fence as one of those dead fuckers. I don't know what I would've fuckin' done if she actually killed the fucker.

"He did something." Simon shakes his head. "He had to've. She doesn't need to be in a cell…"

"I fucking know. But my hands are fuckin' tied, Simon! What would you have me do?"

" _Not_ lock her up! She needs help. She's traumatized and shit. PTSD or something from what she went through. It has to be."

"Yeah! I fuckin' know that! But what could I do, Simon? We don't exactly have fuckin' mental health services here. And Andy sure as fuck is gonna tell people what happened. If it would get out that I didn't punish her… People would think they could start to get away with shit. Everything we built could come fuckin' crashing down if the rules don't mean shit to anyone. Or if people think I fucking favor her, they'd make her life hell. Try to get shit from her. Or fucking use her against me."

He lets out a sigh. "Yeah. I guess you're right. But it's still fucked up…" Simon says as he moves forward and sits in the chair in front of my desk.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me she looked like shit?" I interrupt.

"She doesn't look any different from when we brought her in here."

"The fuck she doesn't. Shit was going on with her and _you_ missed it. I told you to keep a fucking eye on her!"

"Fuck you, man. Why you yelling at me?! Why the fuck didn't _you_ go see her instead of sending me down there to check on her everyday? If you're so _fucking_ concerned."

"Don't give me shit on this, Simon." Fuck, he's right. This is my fault.

"Well?"

Fuck, Simon. I don't want to talk about this shit. "I didn't want to fucking see her, okay? She stirs shit up in me. Shit I thought I'd fuckin' buried."

He looks at me confused as fuck. "Did you… have… a relationship with her? Before?"

"Fuck you, Simon, for even asking me that! She was a fuckin' teenager back then. I'm not a fuckin' pedophile!"

"Well, what the fuck did you mean, then?"

Fuck!

"She knew… _her_."

"Oh."

Yeah, "oh", motherfucker.

"Did she ask about her?" he asks.

"No. She's smart enough not to, I think. I mean, she heard me introduce Lucille at the lineup. She has to know it's a fucked up situation." Fuck, she must think I'm insane. Naming my bat after my dead fuckin' wife.

"Are you leaving her in the cell for the whole week?" Simon changes the subject. He knows going down that path wouldn't end well.

I let out a sigh. "No. I'll take her out tomorrow. Get Arat and Laura to watch the fuckin' door overnight. If they hear _anything_ weird coming from that room, they're to get her the fuck out of there and call me."

"Sure thing, boss"

Simon leaves, thank fuck, and I walk into my kitchen and straight to my liquor cabinet. I take a big fuckin' swig from a bottle of whiskey and stomp into my bedroom, practically throwing myself onto my couch. I take another gulp and slam the bottle onto the coffee table. This fuckin' day did not end the way I thought it would. Now, instead of being balls deep in Frankie, I'm getting drunk by myself, trying to turn my fuckin' brain off. It's not fuckin' working though. My mind's fuckin' racing with all the shit I'm too much of a coward to face head on. Like the reason I didn't check up on Chuck like I should have.

Lucille always asked me about Chuck when I would come home from work. She took a real fuckin' interest in her. She thought Chuck was the most fucking adorable thing she'd ever fuckin' seen. I'm pretty sure she would've adopted her if she could've. She thought it was real fuckin' hilarious that Chuck could get a leg up on me at chess, too. Lucille never learned how to play, but she fuckin' liked me telling her about the matches I'd play with Chuck.

Now when I look at Chuck, I think of _her_. And it makes me feel like shit. I tried to stay away from Chuck. I thought that would fucking make all this easier for me. All I fucking thought about was how this affected _me_. How _Lucille_ affects me.

But _she's_ dead and fuckin' gone. And Chuck's right in front of me. Needing my help. I know I'm a fucking piece of shit, but I _can_ help her. I have to make sure she fuckin' makes it in this shit show of a world. She deserves to make it. And _she_ would want me to help her. I have to stow my own shit and do this... for _both_ of them.

— 16 days ago —

Those fuckin' dumbasses can't even read the fuckin' inventory right. Interrupting my game with Chuck so I can fuckin' explain to them the inventory sheets that they should already fuckin' know. Shit. How the fuck are these pricks still alive? It's a wonder they don't need someone to tell them how to wipe their own fuckin' assholes.

I walk back into my bedroom and find Chuck fast asleep in one of my chairs. She looks so peaceful; I don't want to wake her. She must be tired as fuck. She _looks_ tired as fuck after spending 24 hours in a cell. Well I'm not going to let her fuck her back up by sleeping all curled up in that chair. I'll just put her in my bed and I'll sleep on the couch. It's not like I sleep much anymore anyway. It takes me for-fucking-ever to even get to sleep and then I have fucked up dreams until I finally get up, usually before dawn.

I lift her up carefully and set her in my bed, tucking her into the blankets. She doesn't even fuckin' wake up. I get out an extra pillow and blanket from my closet and throw them on the couch for myself. I strip down to my boxer briefs, even though I usually sleep fuckin' nude, but that's not gonna fuckin' happen with Chuck in the room, and try my goddamn hardest to get comfortable. I can't get my fuckin' long ass legs to fit on the couch at all, but I find a semi comfortable position after a while. Just as I actually start to fall asleep, I hear Chuck moaning and whimpering.

What the fuck? Is she having a sex dream? Holy shit! This shit just got interesting. I can hear her mumbling almost words, but I can't figure out what she's trying to say. Then I hear a "don't" clear as fuckin' day. She sounds fucking terrified. _Not_ a sex dream. I get up and stand next to the bed for a few seconds, watching her slightly move around. Should I fucking wake her up?

"Nnnnegannn," she mumbles out.

She's calling for me, I think. I have to wake her up. I try my hardest to wake her as gently as I can. She finally wakes up and after a short conversation, she asks me to sleep in bed with her. I know she just needs fuckin' security. She just wants to know that someone is fuckin' close by. I crawl in beside her, but I don't touch her, and close my eyes, waiting for her to fall back asleep.

— 15 days ago —

The next morning, I wake up to the sensation of a warm, soft body tucked into my chest. The fuck? Somehow during the night, I cuddled up behind Chuck and held her close to me. I'm not gonna lie, it feels fuckin' nice. I haven't slept with someone like this since…

Shit, what the fuck time is it? It's already light out. I must've actually slept through the night. First time in for-fuckin'-ever. And I must've fallen asleep right after I got in bed with her instead of tossing and fuckin' turning for two goddamn hours.

Shit, I actually don't feel like fucking shit in the morning like I usually do. I wonder if I can get Chuck to sleep in here tomorrow night. Maybe I'll start to actually get enough fuckin' sleep for once.

Last night was fuckin' good for Chuck. She looked so happy when she saw the chessboard and while we were playing. Maybe she just needs the shit from her past that she liked. A distraction from all the nightmare shit that's been going on in her head.

I get out of bed and get dressed as quietly as I can so I don't fuckin' wake her. As much as I would love to be here when she wakes up, I have a fuckin' meeting to get to.

I finish up quickly with my men in the meeting room and start to head out when Simon stops me.

"Hey, boss."

"Yeah, Simon?"

"How is Chuck? I didn't really get a chance to get to her room last night to see her after you let her out of the cell."

"She's fine. She's up in my room fuckin' sleeping right now."

"What?" He gives me a fuckin' look then puts his head down and shakes it. "I knew you would do this..."

"I didn't do _anything_ , Simon. And I don't fuckin' like that tone you're giving me." He just stares at me like he's fuckin' waiting for me to confess some shit. "I made her food. She fell asleep on my couch. That's fuckin' it, Simon."

"Yeah. Fine."

I walk away before I would break his goddamn nose. Who the fuck does he think he is giving me shit. I didn't even fuckin' do anything!

I enter the storage garage and go straight to what I'm looking for. My saviors had found a music store the other day and brought in some of the instruments. I told them they were fuckin' stupid to waste space on that shit, but now I see a purpose for them. I grab the inventory sheet and mark that I took the Martin acoustic guitar and walk back up to my room.

I leave the guitar in my office and walk into my bedroom. Chuck is still fuckin' asleep. My poor baby girl needs the rest. I won't wake her. I'll just sit on my couch and look through my inventory sheets until she wakes up.

I would've loved to stay and listen to Chuck play that guitar, but I have to get my shit done. I walk around The Sanctuary after lunch doing my usual fuckin' rounds. People from different departments would tell me their fuckin' concerns and give me lists of things that they needed. I hate the fuckin' work, but it needs to be done to keep shit running smoothly. I tried to outsource the job to other saviors once before, but they fucked shit up. It's better if I maintain a presence around the place, anyway. Keep my face, and Lucille, fresh in everyone's mind.

It's dinner time so I make my way to Chuck's room to retrieve her, but she's not there. She better be in my fuckin' room. I make my way to my floor and as soon as I start to walk down the hallway, I fucking hear it.

Piano music.

And Chuck's voice.

She's singing in the wives' room. A song from one of my favorite albums, too. It's so fuckin' beautiful it makes my heart skip a beat. I wait outside the door just listening to her until she finishes the song.

Fuck. I think I might be in some shit with this girl.

— 2 days ago —

" _Do not_ fuckin' puke in my bed."

"I think I'm okay."

I practically run away from Chuck and into the fuckin' bathroom. Shit! What the fuck is wrong with me? She got me hard as a fuckin' rock. Even after watching her puke her guts out I'm still at full fuckin' mast. Fuck!

I can't stop thinking about how she felt fuckin' grinding on my lap. She didn't even know what she was fucking doing to me. She made _that_ fucking clear. She's so fucking innocent and naive. Fuck! I can't be this hard because of her. She's my fucking student! Well not anymore, she's a fucking adult. Actually she's the same age as Amber… Fuck!

There's no fuckin' way I'm getting in bed with her with this fucking raging hardon. I know she wouldn't be comfortable with it, under normal fuckin' circumstances. She doesn't want me that way. I'd feel like I was fuckin' taking advantage of her or some shit. Fuck, I gotta take care of it. It sure as fuck isn't going down on its own any time soon.

I undo my belt and pants and pull my dick out. I try to think about anything but her as I start jerking off like a fuckin' teenage boy that just saw his first fuckin' titty flick. Think about Amber's mouth. Kayla's titties. Frankie's ass. Fuck… I'm almost-

" _Negan! Will you help me take my bra off!"_

"Fucking shit."

I stop jerking it when I hear her voice coming from the other room. Jesus Christ, I'm trying _not_ to cum with her on my mind. And she had to pipe up at _that_ fuckin' moment! Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck is she doing back there? Fuck, don't think about it.

Me taking her bra off… fuck!

Don't think about… how fucking soft she feels pressed up against me in my bed.

I start to stroke my cock slowly.

How fucking sweet her hair smells.

I roll my fist over the head of my dick.

How her cheeks get so red when I tease her.

I start to stroke faster.

How she sticks her tongue in the corner of her lips when she's really concentrating.

Shit. I buck my hips into my fist.

How cute she is when she looks up at me with those big green eyes and giggles.

Fuck… I'm almost there.

How she throws her head back and her tits jiggle when I get her really laughing hard-

"Shit. Fuck!" I cum hard into my own fucking hand like a fifteen year old who doesn't want to get caught by his fuckin' mom. I stay still for a few minutes bent over my sink, breathing hard, fucking hating myself for what I just did. I calm down, wash up, and strip to my boxers to get ready for bed. I throw my clothes in the hamper and turn around to see Chuck, laying on her stomach, spread fuckin' eagle on my bed, wearing just her fucking tiny ass white cotton panties.

"Come on, man. What the fuck?" I mutter to myself.

I'm trying my best to be a fuckin' gentleman with her, but she's making it real fucking hard right now. Pun intended, unfortunately.

I rummage through my drawers and find my biggest tshirt to cover her with. I roll her over to try to put it on her, and fuck me… She has the prettiest fuckin' tits I've ever seen. Just the right size, more than a handful each, I'm sure. Small, light pink nipples. Fuck! And her skin is fucking flawless, like porcelain. Except for one small birthmark on the underside of her left tit.

Fuck. That is cute as shit.

I tilt my head as I see a tattoo peeking out from just under her right tit on her ribs. Goddamn, sideboob tattoos are sexy as fuck. My girl isn't so innocent after all, I guess. I want to run my fingers over the fuckin' words printed on her skin, but I stop myself. I'm not gonna put my hands on her like that without her knowledge and fuckin' consent.

My gaze falls further across her torso. She's fuckin' gained some weight back and has the perfect fuckin' hourglass figure. Big tits, small waist, and hips with enough meat to grab ahold of. Fuck.

Her fuckin' panties... Goddamn, where did she get those? They're tiny as fuck, white, and practically see through. I can see she's rocking the fuckin' natural look. But trimmed and neat. And the carpet definitely matches the drapes. Fuck, I love a natural redhead.

I shake the thought out of my head as I prop her up enough to shove the shirt over her head and pull her arms through, covering her entire torso. I lay her down on her side and pull the blanket up over her shoulders.

Maybe I should sleep in a different room tonight. Fuck. I might as well just not try to sleep at all. I can't sleep worth a shit unless I'm sleeping with her. Why is that?

Goddamnit. Why did my dick have to complicate this? I can't fucking have her. I know I can't. She's too fuckin' good for me. I'd ruin her. Just like I ruined… fuck. I need to keep my fuckin' hands to myself, for once. I have to fucking control myself. I'll break her heart if I don't. I'll lose her completely…

— Now —

I sit next to Chuck's bed, just staring at her fuckin' face. Doc assures me that she should wake the fuck up soon. If she doesn't, I'm fuckin' killing him. I don't give a shit if he's a doctor. He fucked up by leaving her alone.

I position myself so that I'm partly lying beside her and partly in my chair. I fuckin' hate being in here. Seeing her in a hospital bed. I spent too many fuckin' days sitting beside hospital beds. Shit. Makes me want to bawl my fuckin' eyes out. I haven't even fuckin' cried in years. Fuck. This girl is gonna be the death of me.

"Don't worry, baby girl. I won't let this happen again. I fuckin' promise. Just come back to me. Please."


	8. Chapter 8

"Ung. Ah!" Chuck wakes up to a searing pain in her left side.

 _Oh god! What's happening?! What's wrong with me?! I need Negan._

"Doc! She's awake!" Negan calls out as he jumps up from the chair beside Chuck's bed and leans over her. "Hey, baby girl," he says gently as he strokes her hair.

"Negan? Ung!" Chuck croaks out as her face contorts in pain.

"Give her something, doc! She's in fuckin' pain!"

"Charlotte?" Carson says from the other side of the bed. "I'm going to give you some medicine now. You'll probably get a bit drowsy," Carson readies a syringe and injects it into Chuck's IV.

"I'm hurt… Negan?" Tears stream from Chuck's eyes as she waits for the medicine to take effect.

"I'm here, baby girl." Negan's gentle words echo in Chuck's ears and she drifts off into unconsciousness.

Chuck wakes up some time later to a dimly lit room. She still feels the effects of whatever medicine is in her system, but it's faded enough that she can keep her eyes open and her pain is still manageable. She turns her head to the right to see Negan sleeping uncomfortably, half in a chair beside the bed and half on her mattress. His head is right beside hers, close enough that she can feel his breath on her face. She stretches her right arm out slowly and lightly touches Negan's cheek with the back of her fingers, enjoying the feel of his facial hair. He takes in a sharp breath and lifts his head up quickly.

"Chuck?" he whispers. "Do you need the doctor?"

"No. I don't think so."

"You're in the infirmary."

"I see that." She chuckles slightly at his obvious statement.

"Do you remember what happened?"

"Yeah. I think so. Two men… -the man who was in here and his friend- attacked me and stole medicine. Did you catch them?" She looks at Negan meekly.

"Yeah. We got them and we got the fuckin' drugs back, too."

"Good. I'm sorry I couldn't stop them-"

"Don't fuckin' do that. Don't blame yourself. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Okay." Her voice cracks as tears well up in her eyes. She doesn't want to cry in front of Negan, but she can't really control her emotions at the moment.

"It's okay." Negan hugs her as much as he can from their positions. "I'm sorry I didn't protect you, baby girl."

"No. It's not your fault, Negan," she says as he pulls away from her. She moves her left arm to caress his cheek. "Ah!" She cries out as pain shoots through her left side at the movement.

"Careful! Don't pull your fucking stitches."

"They… stabbed me?"

"Yeah. You almost fuckin' bled out. I had to give you some of my blood. So you got fuckin' high octane shit running through your veins, now."

She laughs, but it causes her pain. "Ouch! Don't make me laugh."

He smiles at her for several moments, but his face turns sour as if a bad thought comes into his mind. "I need you outta this fuckin' bed," he says as he puts his head down, his breathing heavy.

"What do you mean, Negan? Are you okay?"

"It's just… fuck." He rakes a hand through his hair and scratches his neck. "Lucille. She was in and out of the fucking hospital for months before the end. Tests. Treatments… I stayed with her during it all. Saw her wither away to nothing in a _fucking_ _hospital bed_. This shit… Seeing you like this is, uh… bringing back some bad fucking memories."

"I'm sorry, Negan."

He sits in silence for a few moments. "You know, she was the first one I saw. I watched her turn into one of those fucking dead things. Right before my eyes. And I didn't even have the fucking balls to end her. I just fuckin' left the hospital." He clears his throat and repositions himself in his seat. "Shit was bad everywhere at that time. I hadn't really even fuckin' noticed. My world was already fucking ending, so I didn't give a shit about everyone else. I don't even remember what I did after that. I just fuckin' wandered around. Somehow surviving."

"I'm glad you did. Survive."

"That makes one of us."

"Please don't say that," Chuck's voice cracks as she struggles to get the words out.

"Fuck. Don't be upset." Negan leans back over her, resting his hand on her cheek. "I never want to see you get fuckin' hurt... By anything. Even me." He swipes away a tear from her cheek. "You need to know that after Lucille… I changed. I had to or I would fucking kill myself one way or another. I had to stop… feeling for people. People are just a fuckin' resource to me. Nothing more."

"That's not true, Negan. You saved me."

"I'm not a good man, Chuck. The fuckin' shit I've done…" He backs away, shaking his head.

"You're not perfect."

He chuckles dryly in response.

"I'm not, either," she continues. "No one is. We've all done things to survive in this world."

"I haven't done things _just_ to fuckin' survive."

"You've been nothing but good to me."

He laughs humorlessly. "I didn't stop this from fuckin' happening." He gestures to her bed. "I threw you in a fuckin' cell when all you needed was a little help."

"You didn't have a choice with that. I understand why you had to do that." She holds her hand out, prompting him to take it. He hesitates, but accepts it after a moment. "You _saved_ me. You're my _friend_. Even if you don't want to say that. And you're taking care of me right now. You have no idea how much all that means to me."

"I'll fuck it up somehow. You'll hate me eventually." He shakes his head at his own words and withdraws his hand from hers.

"Maybe. Maybe not. But I don't hate you right now. So don't worry about it." She smiles as she speaks causing him to chuckle.

"How the fuck are you half dead in a hospital bed yet _you_ are the one fuckin' consoling me?"

"I'm awesome." She pauses. "And you're an attention whore that makes everything about you at all times, I guess." They both laugh. "Ouch! I said don't make me laugh."

"Sorry, baby girl, but you were laughing at your _own_ fucking joke."

— Negan's POV —

I leave the infirmary and go to my office with Simon when the doc came in to watch over Chuck. He better not fuck shit up again. He's on thin fuckin' ice. Besides, I got fuckin' shit to do now. Namely beating the fuck outta those thieving motherfuckers.

"What are we doing with the guys in the cells?" Simon asks.

I'm fuckin' thinking it over. They're gonna die, that's for fuckin' sure. But I want to draw it out. Take my fuckin' time with it. Make a fuckin' spectacle.

"Gather everyone in the courtyard."

"Alright. You got a plan?"

"Yup. Those fuckers are gonna fucking know just how bad they fucked up."

An hour later and everyone is outside just waiting for the show to begin.

"Alrighty, ladies and gentlemen. I know you've been waiting, so let's bring out the main attraction!" I yell out in my showman's voice. My saviors drag the two pieces of shit before me and put them on their knees, facing the crowd. They're fuckin' crying and shit already.

"Now," I start to pace around in front of them, looking over the crowd, "we are here because these two men decided to break the rules. Now, I know that every-fuckin'-one here knows that the rules are fuckin' serious shit. Everyone," I pause and point Lucille at the men, "but these motherfuckers. And they're gonna find out _real_ fuckin' quick. Just as a reminder for those who may be slow as fuck, why are the rules so goddamn important?"

"The rules keep us alive!" they all say in unison.

Fuck, I love that shit.

"That's right!" I stand back for a second and let that shit sink in. "But these fuckers decided to break the rules, anyway. And when you break the rules, you get fucking punished. Now, I don't _like_ having to do this. I really don't. But, apparently, y'all need a refresher on what happens when you break. my. rules!" I scream the last part. Really pound it in. I wait a second and rub my face before moving on.

"These idiots right here, didn't break just one rule. No! They broke a few of them. Fuckin' serious ones, too." I quickly bring Lucille up to one of the guy's faces to point at him. "What rule did you break?"

"I- I'm sorry. I didn't-"

I interrupt that fucker with a fist to the fucking jaw, causing him to fall to the side. I grab a fistful of his hair to bring him back up and crouch down to look directly into his fuckin' ugly ass face.

"I didn't fuckin' ask if you were goddamn sorry. I asked what rule you broke, you fucking dumb motherfucker! So tell me, what rule did you fucking break?!" I yell as I harshly push his face away from me and stand up to my full height.

"I- We stole p-pills."

"That's right! You stole fucking medicine. A whole fuck ton of it. Medicine that you all," I gesture to the crowd, "work hard to use every fucking day. That is life and death shit, and these _fucks_ decided to just take it. Without fucking earning it." I move to point to the other guy. "What rule did you break?"

"We… tried to leave."

"Yes. You _tried_ to leave. There are fuckin' reasons why everyone here needs fucking permission to leave the goddamn gates. It is dangerous as fuck out there. There are herds of dead fucks that want to eat your fuckin' gooey insides! And people that would slit your fuckin' throats the first second they got the chance! My saviors know about them. _They_ know where those dangers are. _They_ know how to safely get around out there. That's why _y'all_ need permission _and_ a fucking escort outside these walls." I gesture to the crowd. "To _protect_ y'all from all that nasty shit!" I turn my back on the men and face the crowd. "That just makes fuckin sense, doesn't it? So what am I supposed to think when someone leaves without goddamn permission? Are they fleeing some fuckin' crime they committed here? Are they working with another fuckin' group and selling out our goddamn secrets so we're vulnerable to a fuckin' attack? How am I supposed to know? So the _only_ reason I can figure that someone would leave _without_ permission, _without_ the safety of my saviors behind them, is because they are not _with_ us. And if you're not fuckin' _with_ us, you're _against_ us. And I think everyone here knows what the fuck we do with those who stand against The Sanctuary."

I turn to face the fucks again, anger written all over my face. "What rule did. you. break," I growl out.

"H- He hurt the girl," one of them says quickly, pointing to the other one.

Selling your buddy out now won't fucking save you, prick. You hurt _my girl_.

"You- both of you, fuckin' attacked doc's assistant. Almost fuckin' killed her." I turn to pace in front of the crowd. "Now, she's just like you guys. She's not a savior with fuckin' survival training. No, she works for points. Does her fuckin' job. Then one day, these two chucklefucks decide that she's in their way. So they fuckin' stab her and leave her for dead. They attacked one of our most vulnerable citizens so they could fuckin' get fuckin' high! _That_ shit will not stand. Not in _my_ fucking Sanctuary."

I pause to glare at the men then turn to face the crowd. "Lay these motherfuckers down!" I call out to my saviors. They put the men down on their backs with their arms outstretched. I walk over to them and call out so everyone can hear, "First, I'm gonna take those fuckin' thieving hands of yours. Just pound the fuck out of them with my girl here," I indicate Lucille, "until they look like fuckin' chili con carne." I pause so I can look at them fuckin' shaking in their goddamn boots. "Then, I'm gonna bash the shit out of those legs you tried to escape on, starting with your fuckin' feet and working my way up. See just how far I get before you guys fuckin' pass out." Those motherfuckers are white as ghosts, now. "Oh! But that's not fuckin' all! I'll make sure you're both fuckin' awake for the the last bit. I'm gonna take my fuckin' bigass knife, plunge it deep into those fuckin' bellies of yours, and gut the both of you, nice and fuckin' slow. Kill you guys real fuckin' bloody and put you outside the gates on my fence. You'll be more useful out there than you ever were in here, you fucking wastes of fuckin' space. That sound good with everyone?" Nobody says a fuckin' word. "Welp. Let's get to it."

— —

Over the next few days, Chuck recovers in the infirmary. Both Negan and Simon visit her often, dropping off books for her to read and keeping her company. Her pain is intense at first, but everyday it becomes more manageable.

"Dr. Carson said that I could go back to my room today," Chuck tells Negan after he enters the infirmary for his morning visit.

"You'll be staying in my room to recover," he says as he takes his usual seat beside her.

"Do I have a choice?"

"No," he answers matter of factly.

She gives him a disapproving face.

"What the fuck?" Negan exclaims. "What's wrong with staying in my room?"

"Nothing is _wrong_ with it. You just didn't ask me if that's what I wanted. I would've liked to have been consulted on my own living arrangements."

"You don't _want_ to fucking stay with me?"

"I hadn't really thought about it. I suppose it'll be better. I mean, I won't have to shuffle all the way down the hall to go to the bathroom. And your bed is way comfier than mine."

"Then what are we waiting for? Let's get you the fuck outta here. Doc?!" Negan yells impatiently.

"Yes, Negan?" Carson calls out from the examination area.

"Is she good enough to leave right the fuck now?"

"She still needs to take it easy, but she can leave."

"Come on," Negan says as he stands, pulling the blanket off of her legs, and putting his hands underneath her.

"What are you doing?" Chuck asks.

"I'm going to carry you."

"Negan, you need to mind her stitches," Carson drones as he walks closer to the pair.

"I'm being gentle, fuck. I'm not a complete fuckin' dumbass." Negan lifts Chuck up, bridal style, and starts to walk toward the door.

"My medicine," Chuck says as she points to her pill canister on the little table by the bed.

"Make sure you finish out the bottle of antibiotics. And change the bandage regularly," Carson picks up the bottle and wound dressings she will need and puts them in a small bag, handing them to her.

"I know. I will." The pair walk out of the infirmary and head to Negan's room.

"Did doc feed you breakfast?"

"Yeah, I ate. Look, Negan, I think I can walk."

"Nope. You've said that once before. And I ended up carrying your ass up to my room anyway."

"This is kinda embarrassing. I don't really want people to see you carrying me through the hallways like a… a damsel in distress… again."

"Why the fuck do you care what people see?"

"I've managed to fly mostly under the radar here, even though I'm friends with the boss. I kinda want to keep it that way. If people see you carrying me around, they're going to ask me all sorts of questions."

"No they won't. They see you with me, they'll keep their fuckin' distance."

"So then they'll just gossip about me behind my back?"

"Probably."

"Great."

"Barely anyone is in the halls right now. Don't get those panties of yours in a twist."

They enter Negan's bedroom and he carefully sets Chuck back on her feet just inside the door. She looks off to her left and sees a pristine record player along with a large shelf filled with vinyls on the wall past his bed.

"When did that happen?" Chuck says excitedly as she points to the new objects.

"Had this shit brought up yesterday. Thought you might fuckin' enjoy it when you moved up here."

Chuck slowly moves toward the shelf, favoring her left side, and starts to look through the albums. "Wow, you have some great music in here. You even have some newer stuff. Where did you get all this?"

"We found one of those fuckin' hipster record stores not far away," Negan says as he moves in beside her. "I think I got some of those fuckin' bands you've been yapping about missing so much in here, too, somewhere."

She looks up at him and smiles. "You actually listen to me when I talk?" she asks sarcastically.

"Occasionally."

She laughs at him then winces in pain at the movement.

"You good?" he asks.

"Yeah. It only hurts when I laugh. And move. And breathe. And sometimes when I think too hard." She picks out a record and puts it on the turntable.

"Why didn't the doc give you any pain pills then? You fuckin' need them," he says with a disapproving look on his face.

"I don't _need_ them. We should save them for other people that need them more. I'll be fine, really. Don't worry. I can always raid your stash of Tylenol if it gets to be too much." She chortles and sets the needle carefully on the vinyl. The familiar tones of Dark Side of the Moon drift out of the speakers.

Negan listens for a few moments then looks at Chuck with a smirk. "Shit, I never knew you had such good taste in music before. Never pegged you for a classic rock fan."

"Yeah, I guess we never really talked about it."

"I knew you were one of those band geek kids-"

"You knew that?" she interrupts.

"Yeah. Why the fuck wouldn't I? I even went to a couple of your concerts." He pauses to move away from her. "That's why I got you that guitar. I knew you knew how to play it."

"I never saw you at our concerts…"

"You're just not that fucking observant, I guess." He jokes and walks across the room.

"Hey!" she yells out, feigning offense.

He gives her a wink. "I gotta get some shit done," he says moving toward the door, "so I'll see you for fuckin' dinner. I'll get the kitchen to cook us up something special."

"Okay."

"I'm leaving a radio here for you. If you need any-fuckin'-thing, call me on it," he calls out from the doorway as he points to the radio sitting on his coffee table.

"Okie dokie. Bye." She gives him a wave as he leaves the room.

— Negan's POV —

"Any people we fucking find get screened at the western outpost first. If they pan out, they come here."

I finish up my meeting about the future of this place with the saviors. We've had to venture out further trying to find more supplies. All the places around us are fucking tapped out for necessities. And I don't want to have to rely too heavily on what the communities under me give us. If they don't provide then we'd be fucked and I'm not risking that.

We're going to have to start producing shit on our own pretty soon. We need fuckin' craftsmen and shit. I instruct my men to start bringing in any stragglers they find. We haven't brought in too many new fuckin' people in a while because it's fuckin' dangerous. We've been fuckin' burned before. But we need people that know how to do fuckin' things and there must be some of those out there still. I just hope my men are good fucking judges of character and don't bring in any fuckin' psychopaths.

I dismiss my saviors, but tell Simon to hold back.

"What's up, boss." Simon replies.

"I need you to do something with me."

"What do you need?"

"Chuck is going to be living with me while she's fuckin' laid up. You and me are going to pack some of her shit up for her and take it up to my room."

"Okay." Simon gives me a goofy fuckin' face. Goofier than his regular goofy ass face.

"What?" I bite back.

"Nothing," he says as he shrugged his shoulders fuckin' sarcastic as shit.

"What?" I say with more force.

"Are you fucking her?"

"No. Are you?" I know he isn't. Even though I think he fucking wants to. Chuck would never fuck him, though.

"Of course not."

"Then why the fuck are you asking me, Simon?"

"I know you let her sleep in your room and now she's going to _live_ with you?"

"So?"

"The wives don't even go in your room. Hell, _I_ barely go in there and I've known you forever."

"What the fuck are you getting at?" I'm getting pissed off at his insinuation.

"What is she to you?"

Fuck. How the fuck do I answer that? "I don't know." I just decide to be fucking honest, but I give him fuckin' attitude with it.

"You love her?"

"You know I can't."

"Then what are you doing with her?"

"I'm not ' _doing_ ' anything, Simon. I'm trying to be fucking good to her, okay? She deserves that. I'm trying to make sure she's fuckin' healthy and happy. I'm not going to hurt her." I hope. I fuckin' sigh at the thought. "Look. From the first time I laid my fuckin' eyes on her when she was a goddamn freshman, I knew I had to protect her. She was just so fucking sweet and shy... I knew this world would eat her up." I pause to rub my face. "I made her so fucking nervous when she had to talk to me that she got the fuckin' hiccups. Every damn time." I chuckle at the memory. "That's actually how I fuckin' recognized her when we brought her here."

"She got the hiccups when you talked with her?"

"Yeah... I stopped trying to fuckin' talk to her back then because I didn't want to upset her all the fuckin' time. But I still did so much shit for her, Simon. Most of it she doesn't even know about. Whenever I heard boys talking about her in the locker room, I'd shut that shit down. I fought for the school to keep the fucking music program because I knew that she was in the band. That guy I fuckin' almost beat to death outside that bar? It was because he was a teacher and talked about how he wanted to fuck her. I just told her about that one not too fuckin' long ago." I lean back in my chair and sigh. "She didn't get comfortable with me until she broke her fucking foot her senior year and she had to spend one on one time with me to make up her grade." I run my hands through my fucking hair. "I don't fuckin' know why I have this need to protect her, but I do. Okay, Simon?"

He looks at me with this weird fuckin' look on his face. "You don't _know_ why?" He asks me as if I _did_ know. What the fuck is he getting at?

"No, Simon!" I say forcefully. "Why the fuck are you fucking meddling with this shit, anyway?"

"Not meddling, boss. Just observing."

Observing, my ass. He's jealous. I've seen him get like this before. I know he's fucking loyal to me and he won't fuck shit up between us here, but he'll be a fucking whiny ass pussy for a while until he gets over it.

"Well if you're done fuckin' 'observing', can we go get her shit?"

We walk up to her floor and enter her room.

"It smells nice in here," Simon 'observed'. Heh.

I'm happy that he sounds fuckin' surprised. That means that he's never fuckin' been up here. "That's cuz Chuck isn't a sweaty motherfucker like you are. I'm sure your room smells like fuckin' ball sweat and jizz."

"That's probably about right." Simon laughs.

I've never really gone through Chuck's things like this. She doesn't have fuckin' much, that's for sure. She has the points, why the fuck doesn't she buy shit?

"Grab that bag and get her clothes," I say as I point to a duffle bag beside her dresser. I move to her desk and grab a small backpack beside it to throw her toiletries and shit in.

"I feel weird touching her underwear like this," Simon says as he turns his head to me, hands in her underwear drawer.

"Well don't fuckin' pocket it or anything. Just throw it in the bag."

He turns back to the drawer. "Oh shit. I think I just found her diary."

"Don't fucking touch it." I look back at him quickly.

"Shit, boss. I wasn't gonna read it." He looks upset that I would think that he would want to.

Fuck, _I_ want to read it. I'm _going_ to read it at some fuckin' point. But not with Simon around. That shit is too fuckin' good to pass up.

"Let's fucking get back up there." I radio to the kitchen about delivering our dinner then grab my bag and her guitar and make my way up to my room with Simon following behind me.

— —

Chuck continues to listen to Negan's albums until he comes back into his room, Simon close behind him. They are both carrying bags and Negan has Chuck's guitar in his hand.

"Hey, Simon," Chuck greets cheerily.

"Hi, kiddo. How ya feeling?" he responds as he and Negan set the bags down. Negan places the guitar gently on the couch.

"I feel less like a shish kabab than I did a few days ago." She chuckles at her own bad joke. "And being out of the infirmary is always a good thing. That place is _not_ very comfortable."

"I caught Simon fuckin' sniffing your dirty panties in your room, so I recruited him to help me bring some of your shit up here." Negan interjects.

"What?!" Chuck says, horrified.

"I didn't! I wouldn't do that!" Simon says excitedly as he looks from Negan to Chuck swiftly.

"Negan, that's gross! Don't tease like that!" Chuck yells as she realizes that Negan's joking around and laughing at Simon's expense.

Negan dismisses Simon when the kitchen worker arrives with dinner. Chuck and Negan fall into their familiar routine. Dinner, chess, then bedtime.

"I need you to help me change my bandage before bed. It's still too sore for me to twist my body enough to do it myself," Chuck reveals as she gathers the supplies Carson had given her.

"Really? Can't I just get the fuckin' doc up here to do that?"

"You're the one that insisted I come up here with you," Chuck points out.

"Fine." He huffs. "What do I need to do?"

"Um." She looks around the room. "I think it'll be easier if we do it on the couch."

"You want to do it on the couch with me?" Negan wiggles his eyebrows at her as he speaks.

"Are you fourteen years old?" she dismissively asks in a joking tone. She sets the supplies on the coffee table and lays down on her right side on the couch. She lifts her shirt to reveal the large bandage on her left side. "You can take the bandage off."

Negan peels back the bandage slowly and throws it down on the coffee table. "Shit," he breathes out, staring at her side.

"It doesn't look that bad."

"It doesn't look _great_ , either. But I guess it looks a fuck load of a lot better than it did the first time I saw it. When you were fuckin' bleeding out."

"You need to take one of those alcohol wipes and clean it and then take a new square of gauze and tape it on. That's it."

"That doesn't seem so fucking hard." Negan kneels down beside the couch and gets the alcohol pad ready. He gently lays his left hand on her ribs just under her lifted shirt to keep it out of the way and brings the pad to her wound.

"Watch the stitches," Chuck reminds.

He huffs. "I will. Shit." He does his best to be gentle with his motions. As he lightly dabs the wound with his right hand, he began to softly move the thumb of his left hand back and forth on her waist. The tickling movement causes her to laugh out suddenly and jerk away.

"Ouch! What are you doing?!" she yells.

"What?! What the fuck did I do?!" he exclaims as he holds his hands up and away from her.

"You were tickling me with your hand!"

"No I wasn't, was I?"

"Yes!"

"Shit! Are you okay?"

"I didn't rip a stitch out, did I?"

Negan moves in to look closely. "No. It looks fine."

"Don't tickle me. What were you thinking?" Chuck says, a bit annoyed.

"Fuck! I didn't realize I was tickling you. I was just... moving my fucking hand, I guess. I don't fuckin' know! I think you're just overly ticklish."

"Yeah sure. Blame me," Chuck says with no real bite in her tone.

"Can I fuckin' finish?"

"Please."

Negan finishes up and gently moves her into a seated position on the couch.

"Thanks."

"You're fuckin' welcome, sweetheart."

"Will you help me get undressed?"

"What?" Negan asks as he chuckles in surprise.

"It hurts to lift my arms up and it hurts to bend down. Carson has been helping me-"

"Carson undressed you?!" Negan exclaims as he glares at Chuck.

"Yeah. He's a doctor, Negan. I'm sure he's seen the vast majority of people here in various states of undress."

"I fuckin' guess." Negan's face is still in a scowl.

Chuck moves to her bags which are on the armchair and gets out a shirt and a pair of sleep shorts, setting them on the bed after.

"Are you going to help me or not?" Chuck asks after Negan makes no move to join her near the bed.

"Fine." He slowly moves to stand in front of her.

"Just lift my shirt up and over my head. I don't want to lift my left arm too much so I'll kinda put my head down. That's how Carson did it."

"I'm sure he fuckin' did," he says in a disgusted tone.

"Come on, Negan. Don't be so overprotective. You sound like my mother."

Negan lets out a growl and begin to lift her shirt up slowly. She lifts her arms up about half way, making sure not to pull on her stitches, and Negan gently pulls the shirt over her head and off of her arms.

"I didn't know you had a tattoo." He points to the text printed on her right side at her ribs. "Well, I saw it before when I had to take care of your drunk ass, but I didn't get a good look at it. Because I'm such a fuckin' gentleman." He throws the shirt on the bed as she lets out a laugh.

"Yeah right. Has anyone ever called you a gentleman in your whole life?"

Ignoring her dig, he reads the script lining her ribs, "Because the sky is blue it makes me cry."

"Yeah. That's from my dad's favorite Beatles song. Mine, too. That's his handwriting, actually. He wrote the lyrics in a note to my mom once and I thought it would make a nice tattoo." She shrugs her shoulders and looks away from Negan hoping he would get the hint that she didn't want to talk about her parents right now. She grabs her sleep shirt and begin to put it on with Negan helping.

"I like the tattoo. It's cute."

She giggles in response. "Thanks." She begins to unbutton her jeans and Negan pushes them all the way down. He helps her step into her shorts and pulls them up to her hips.

"You need help with the bra?" he says with a smirk.

"No. I think I can manage that myself, thank you very much," she responds a bit indignantly, but not seriously.

"Just trying to fuckin' help," Negan comments with a smirk as he holds his hands up.

Chuck proceeds to unlatch her bra with her right hand and pulls it though the armhole of her shirt as she shuffles over to the hamper and throws it in, along with the rest of her clothes.

"Are you gonna help _me_ get undressed now, sweetheart?" Negan asks as he stands in the middle of his floor.

"Shut up, Negan." Chuck says with a laugh.

Negan strips to his boxer briefs and helps Chuck into the bed. He gets in on his side and cuddles up behind her like usual, but is hesitant. "I don't want to fucking hurt you. Where do you want my arm? I don't want to rest it on your fuckin' cut."

"Uh. You might need to keep your arm to yourself until I'm less sore."

"Shit. I can't fucking sleep otherwise. We'll have to figure something out."

"What? You need to hold me to sleep?"

"Kind of," he says quietly behind her. "I haven't been sleeping for shit since you've been in the fuckin' infirmary."

"Really?" She giggles at the thought of him needing her help to do something as basic as falling asleep.

"Shut the fuck up, Chuck. You need me to sleep, too. That's why we do this."

"I guess." She still giggles even though he's right. She probably wouldn't have slept very well in the infirmary without Negan, but the pain meds helped to knock her out.

He repositions himself and puts his arm higher up, over her ribs to miss her wound.

"That's pretty uncomfortable. You're squishing my boobs."

He lets out a frustrated grunt and backs away from her. "Turn around then."

"I can't lay on my left side, Negan. You know, because of my injury," she says pointedly.

"Fuck!" Negan hops out of the bed and rounds it to go to the other side. "Scooch over."

Chuck complies and pushes herself over to the other side of the bed as he gets in to her right. "Am I being the big spoon?" She giggles at the prospect.

"Fuck no. Come here." Negan lays on his back with his left arm extended toward her.

She scoots to Negan and when she's close enough, he pulls her into his chest. She has no other choice, so she lays her head on his shoulder.

"Any fuckin' pain this way?" he asks.

"No. This is okay." She keeps her arms tight to her body and her legs stiffly out straight. She has never been in this position before and is afraid of doing something awkward. This new sleeping arrangement seems so much more intimate than what she is used to.

"Why are you so fuckin' tense? If you're not okay with this, we can fuckin' do something different."

"No. It's okay. I just... don't know how to lay with you like this without being awkward."

"What do you mean? Just get fucking comfortable. I don't give a fuck how you lay as long as you don't knee me in the dick."

"Okay." She giggles her response. Her body relaxes as she processes Negan's words and lets go of some of her anxiety. She extends her left arm across his abdomen and brings her leg up over his thigh.

"There. Now get some fucking sleep. I'm tired as fuck," Negan rasps as he gently runs his fingers over her shoulder.

"Good night, Negan."

"Good night, baby."


	9. Chapter 9

— Negan's POV —

Fuck. That feels good.

I open my eyes and see Chuck's face right in front of mine lazily bobbing up and down in my field of vision.

"Chuck. What the fuck are you doing?"

"Don't you want this?"

She pulls back from my face to sit up and I see that she's completely fuckin' naked. And sitting on my dick. And my dick is very much inside her.

"Fuck yes, I want this." I slide my hands up her soft thighs, past her hips, and up her smooth sides to squeeze her fucking perfect tits.

She starts to slowly grind on my dick as she runs her fingers softly up and down my stomach and it feels so fucking good. I can tell that I'm not gonna last very long, but I don't really fuckin' care right now.

"Fuck, baby. You're so perfect."

She bends her body down to mine and I bring my arm around her to squeeze her into me hard. Like I can't get close enough to her.

"Negan," she whispers in my ear.

"Shit. I'm close, Chuck." I lazily start to thrust my hips into her. She's not moving enough for me.

"Negan..."

"Don't fuckin' stop." She's so warm. And tight. Fuckin' perfect.

"Negan."

"Fuck. I'm gonna cum."

"Negan! Wake up!"

— —

"Wake up, Negan!" Chuck yells as she shakes Negan's face with her free left hand.

Negan has her pinned to him chest to chest, his left arm around her back with his hand grasping her left shoulder. "What? What the fuck? Is something wrong?" Negan blurts out, half asleep. He lets go of Chuck and sits up a little bit in the bed.

"You tell me. You were squeezing me. It kinda hurt. I think you were having a nightmare."

"Fuck," he breathes out as he rubs his face and sits up fully. He turns away from Chuck and swings his legs over the side of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees and cradling his head.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry I made fun of you earlier about not sleeping. I didn't know you had nightmares, too," Chuck says genuinely.

"I wasn't having a fucking nightmare, Chuck."

"I think you were. You were definitely dreaming. You were moving around and making noises..." she says innocently.

"But it wasn't a _nightmare_."

"What?" Chuck is confused as to why he won't admit it. Then it hits her. "Oh! Oh my god, Negan!" She sits up fully as quickly as she can given her still healing injury. "Were you having a _sex_ ," she harshly whispers the word as if other people might hear it, _"_ dream?! With me in the same bed?!"

"Looks like it." His tone is almost like he's embarrassed.

"Oh my god. That's... hilarious!" She starts to laugh uncontrollably, clutching onto her left side as the motion pulls at her stitches.

"What the fuck?" Negan looks back at Chuck like she's a crazy person. "You think this is fuckin' funny?"

"Isn't it?" She manages to say after her laughter dies down. "Why are you having sex dreams, anyway? Don't you get enough from the wives?" she quips as she grips her sore side.

"Shut the fuck up. I haven't gotten my dick wet since you got fuckin' attacked. My mind has been fuckin' elsewhere."

"I'm very sorry _my_ injury took a toll on _your_ love life," Chuck jokes sarcastically. "Wait a minute. So you not having sex for like _five_ _days_ frustrates you so much that you have sex dreams? Oh you poor, poor baby. How do you even live?" She lays the sarcasm on pretty thick.

"Fuck you, Chuck. Giving me shit. You know, I was afraid that this kinda shit would freak you the fuck out and you'd be scared of me. But, you know what, I'd prefer _that_ to whatever this shit you're doing is."

"I'm familiar with human anatomy, Negan. I know you can't help it. And I know it's not because of me. It's just an involuntary reaction. I'm not freaked out because of your... you know." She giggles.

"Erect dick?"

"I was trying to think of a ladylike word."

"There's no ladylike way to talk about hard cocks."

"Your... masculine eminence?" She offers with a smirk.

"Yeah, yeah. I like that," he says with a small laugh. "But seriously. If you want me to sleep on the couch-"

"You don't have to do that. Just don't... make a mess in the bed when I'm here. If you can manage that, I'll be fine," she comments with red cheeks as she lays herself back in the bed.

"I'll try my fuckin' hardest not to." Negan turns back around and gets back into bed.

Chuck cuddles up to him just like she had done earlier in the night. "So living together for a few weeks is already starting off swimmingly."

"Yeah. It's a barrel of fuckin' laughs."

The next morning, Chuck wakes up to an empty bedroom. She figures Negan had left some time earlier to do whatever it was that he did around The Sanctuary. She drags herself from the bed and slowly walks into the kitchen.

She opens the refrigerator to get something for breakfast. "What can I eat?" she mutters to herself as she bends down to look inside.

"You want me to make you something?"

"Ah!" she screams in surprise and slams the refrigerator door shut revealing Negan standing on the other side.

"Shit, Chuck!"

"I didn't think you were here!" She grasps her side and groans in discomfort.

"I was in the fuckin' office! Fuck. Are you okay?"

She clutches her chest with her other hand and laughs a little. "I think so. Don't sneak up on me!"

"Jesus. I didn't mean to." He gives her a quick look, making sure she's okay. "Now get out of the way and I'll make you something."

She moves off to the side and Negan takes her place, opening the refrigerator door and getting out the ingredients he wants.

"You want eggs and toast. I got fuckin' fresh bread and butter yesterday."

"Yeah. That sounds great. Sunny side up, please." Chuck shuffles around to the other side of the counter and gingerly sits down on one of the stools, waiting for her breakfast. Negan continues to cook without saying a word. His silence catches Chuck off guard. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fuckin' great. Why are you asking?"

"You're being quiet. You're never quiet."

"I can be fuckin' quiet."

"Is this about last night?"

"Fuck," he breathes out as he finishes up her food and places it in front of her. He starts to move around the kitchen putting bread into the toaster to make himself some.

"I've felt your... erection before. It's not a big deal-"

"Jesus Christ, Chuck!" He pauses his motion and turns to her.

"Well. We sleep close together and I know that happens with men during the night. It doesn't bother me. I mean, it's kinda awkward but-"

"Why didn't you fucking tell me?"

"I thought you were aware." She takes a bite of her food. "I mean it is _your_ body," she says with her mouth full.

" _No_ ," he drags out. "Why didn't you tell me you fucking _felt_ it?" His toast pops up and he begins to spread the homemade butter on it a bit too forcefully.

"You're making a big deal out of nothing."

He turns around to face her from the other side of the counter and takes a bite of his toast. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Chuck," he starts, frustration lacing his words. "Is that so fuckin' weird? You were hurt by men before. I don't want you to think I just go and rub my fuckin' dick all over you at night."

"I know you don't do that, Negan. God." She lets out a huff in frustration of her own. "I'm telling you I'm not uncomfortable with you. I trust you. I know you would never hurt me like that, okay? If you made me uncomfortable I wouldn't be here."

"Fine."

"Yes. It's _fine_. I never talked about it because it's just kinda awkward and I don't really know what I'm doing here. I mean, I've never really been close with a man before like I am with you. The only men I've ever really lived with were at Rolling Acres. And we weren't really... domestic, if you remember. Our interactions weren't exactly... friendly. I'm not sure what's appropriate to talk about in a normal friendship with a man."

He lets out a huff. "No. I get it." He finishes his toast and turns around to pour himself some juice. "So you're comfortable with my dick, huh?" he asks as he turns back to her with a small grin on his face.

"Well... within reason, I suppose. Don't go flashing me." She shrugs. "While we're on the subject, you're going to have to get comfortable enough with my uterus to procure me some pads or tampons or something because I can feel that I'm probably going to start my period in a couple of days. Unless you want me to hobble around downstairs by myself. Or bleed all over everything," she says as she finishes her own breakfast.

"Aw, goddamnit. I'm gonna have to deal with that shit?"

"You're the one that insisted I live with you. And I come with a functioning uterus. It's a package deal."

Negan sighs. "The wives have a storeroom up here with all that shit. I'll grab you some things later, _alright_?" he says with his arms outstretched as if she were asking some huge favor.

"Thanks. That's so big of you," she responds sarcastically. "Will you change my bandage and help me get dressed while you're still here?"

"Yeah, sure."

They move back into the bedroom and Chuck gets her clean outfit out, setting it on the bed. As soon as Chuck turns back to Negan, he begins to lift her shirt up just like he did the night before.

"Wait, Negan! I don't have a bra on!"

"Shit!" He drops her shirt. "Well, what the fuck do you want me to do?" he asks. "You know I've already seen your tits anyway."

"Ugh. Don't remind me. Just shut your eyes until I turn around."

He helps her remove her shirt, all the while keeping his eyes closed. She picks her bra up, puts it on, and turns around to face away from Negan.

"Okay, you can look. Will you latch it."

He opens his eyes and clumsily tries to latch the bra. After a few failed attempts, and several giggles from Chuck, he's successful.

"I've literally never had to latch a fuckin' bra, okay? I'm a pro at taking them fuckin' off, but not putting them back on." He lets out a chuckle and she joins in.

"You might as well change the bandage before you put my shirt back on."

"Yeah. Okay." He gets the supplies from his coffee table and kneels down in front of her to change her dressings. "This is hard on my fuckin' knees, you know."

"We could've done it on the bed, I suppose."

"Doing it on the bed sounds like a great idea." He looks up at her with a grin on his face.

"Shut up. Not everything is a euphemism," she says as he cleans around her stitches.

"Not with _that_ fuckin' attitude, I guess."

"Will you just put my shirt on?" she groans, exasperated after he finishes with the gauze.

"I'm gonna take your shorts off first. I'm an old fucking man, Chuck. I can't be getting up and down a million goddamn times."

"Fine. But will you... close your eyes when you take my underwear off?"

"I've seen pussies before, sweetheart."

"Jeez, Negan! I know! I'm just self conscious. It's bad enough that you're seeing me this undressed." She feels her cheeks start to flush.

"You look fine, baby girl." He looks up at her with a grin.

"Please." She looks back down at him with big puppy dog eyes.

"I'll close my eyes, sweetheart. Jesus." He shuts his eyes and pulls her shorts and underwear down. She puts her hands on his shoulders to steady herself as she steps out of her clothes. He raises his hand up indicating that he's ready for the clean pair of underwear.

"Here." She pushes the garment into his hand and steadies herself on his shoulders again. She steps into the leg holes and Negan pulls the clothing up to her hips.

"Can I open my eyes?" His brows are furrowed as he speaks, like he is getting angry at something.

"Yeah," she says as she grabs her jeans and hands them to Negan. He helps her into them and stands up with a groan, taking her shirt off the bed as he does so.

"So," he begins as he put the shirt on her. "Did Carson close his eyes when he helped you into your fucking panties or did he get a big fuckin' eyeful of your goddamn naked fuckin' body?" His words contain a bit of anger.

"Negan..." She tries to back away from him but he leans into her personal space.

"Did he?" He glares at her as he speaks.

"I was covered with a blanket, okay?" She says quickly. "I was laying in the bed with a blanket over the important bits. He was completely professional."

"Goddamnit," he growls out as he starts to pace.

"Negan, stop. Everything is fine. I wasn't uncomfortable with him. I mean, I was the _normal_ amount of uncomfortable..."

"He put his hands on you." Negan points to her to accentuate his point.

"No he didn't. Not like that. Calm down. Please. It's nothing," she pleads.

"I'll kill that motherfucker-"

"Stop!" she yells to get his attention. "I don't like this, Negan. You don't have to be so overprotective. Did my mom's spirit possess you or something?" She half jokes trying to get him to calm down.

"Don't be a smartass," he says dismissively.

"Well?" She shrugs her shoulders. "You're so concerned about me, but I'm fine, Negan."

"You just don't fucking understand."

"Understand what?" she spits out, suddenly angry at his suggestion that she's ignorant of the situation.

"Men! Okay? You don't understand _men_!" He throws his arms out wide. "Men see a sweet fuckin' girl like you and all they can think about is how they can fuckin' use you up. You're too naive to see that. If you give _any_ man an excuse to put his fucking hands on you, he'll take what he fucking wants from you, Chuck."

"Says the _man_ I've been sharing a bed with for weeks. The _man_ that just undressed and redressed me without incident," she bites back.

He glares at her for a few moments before responding. "That's different. I would never-"

"Of course, it's _different_. Because you're the _only_ man that wouldn't hurt me, right? Because that makes _so_ much sense," she says sarcastically. " _Every_ other man can't be trusted because I'm just super rape-able, right?! I bring it onto myself! I'm just soooo helpless and weak and _stupid_ that men can't control themselves!"

"That's not what I fuckin' meant. Don't be so goddamn dramatic," he dismisses.

" _I'm_ being dramatic? No, you're right. You just go on and screw over the entire Sanctuary by killing the _only_ doctor because he did his job and tended to his patient." She throws her arms up as much as she can and turns away from Negan as tears begin to flow down her cheeks.

"Goddamnit," he mutters under his breath. "You just don't understand-"

"No." She turns back to face him. "I understand. I understand that you have no faith in me. How many times have I told you that I trust you? But you can't even trust me with myself. You make me eat with you because I can't do that right. You make me live up here because I got myself hurt. And you think I'm too stupid to recognize when someone is trying to take advantage of me," she chokes out as her tears continue to flow.

"I didn't fucking say that." He moves forward and cradles her cheeks in his hands. "That's not what I meant. I don't think you're fucking stupid." He pulls her into a tight hug.

"I don't want to fight with you, Negan."

"I know. I don't want to fucking fight, either, baby girl," he says into the top of her head as he rubs her back.

"I want you to trust me."

"I do fucking trust you. It's just... All I want is for you to be fucking safe. If anything happened to you, I'd lose my shit."

Chuck pulls back to look at Negan. "I don't like seeing you upset. And I don't like being made to feel like some helpless child."

"I don't think you're helpless, okay? And I do have fucking faith in you. A shit ton of it, in fact. I'm just a fucking possessive control freak. That's not fuckin' news to you. Just indulge me. Let me take care of you in my own damn way." He sweeps the remnants of her tears from her cheeks.

"Okay. But, I'll still tell you when I don't agree with what you're doing."

"Of course, baby girl." He scoops her up in another hug and kisses her head. "I need to get fuckin' going. Are you okay?" He pulls back to look at her.

"Yeah. I'm okay."

He moves away from her and heads toward the door. "I'll probably be fuckin' in and out throughout the day. Make sure you eat fuckin' lunch if I'm not here."

"Yes, mother," she jokes.

"That's real fuckin' cute, Chuck," he throws out as he leaves.

The pair falls into rhythm with each other for about two weeks. Many days, Negan is out of the room for parts of the day making his rounds or going on runs, which Chuck doesn't mind. She likes having a bit of alone time, even if she gets bored occasionally. She fills her days with music, both from the record player and her guitar, or she reads from Negan's extensive collection of books. Sometimes she visits with the wives and plays the piano for them, play cards or board games with them, or just hangs out with them.

Chuck likes the women, but being with them all together for an extended amount of time is too emotionally taxing on her. They shower her with attention and want to know everything about her. She tells them of her past, but manages not to divulge that she and Negan knew each other before all this. They hang on her every word as if she were telling the most interesting story ever. Chuck chalks all these things up to their being lonely. They really only ever interact with her and Negan. And they told her that all they get from Negan is sex. He doesn't exactly have deep conversations with them all the time. Chuck is the only one that actually entertains them and listens to them.

After having their first real fight, Negan and Chuck seem to get closer. The pair live together easily with no real problems arising. It doesn't take too long before Chuck is just as comfortable being around Negan as she is by herself. Even being undressed around Negan doesn't phase Chuck after a while, especially since he has to help clean her. But she is never completely naked around him, always making sure to be covered up with at least a towel.

It's been over two weeks since Chuck was stabbed and she is going a bit stir crazy. She has already removed her stitches on her own, but she's still technically under orders to rest. She ventures to the infirmary in the hopes that Carson would tell her that she's healed enough to resume her normal life. He examines her and concurs that there is no reason that she can't go back to work. She tells Negan the good news over dinner.

"I guess you can go back to work, then," Negan says, not exactly enthused, to Chuck as they eat.

She's excited at the prospect of working again. She knows she doesn't have to worry about points, she has so many saved up. And Negan pretty much gives her anything she could possibly want, anyway, even though she never asks him for anything. She still wants to be able to provide for the community, though. She doesn't want to feel like a freeloader.

"Good," Chuck says genuinely.

"I think we're going to do it fucking differently this time. You'll only spend a few days a week in the infirmary. You'll have a radio on you at all fucking times, though, in case the doc needs your help with an emergency or some shit. The other days will be spent with me, teaching you how to fight."

"Really? You want me to be a savior or something?" she jokes.

"Fuck no! I mean like self defense shit," Negan says with a laugh.

"Oh. So I don't get myself in trouble again," Chuck responds, her smile fading.

"Hey. No. That's not what I fuckin' meant, Chuck. I just want you to know how to handle yourself if something should fucking happen."

The next day, Negan and Chuck change into workout clothes and he leads her to his personal gym a few doors down from his apartment.

"Oh my god! This place is so nice. What else are you hiding up here?" Chuck beams as she looks around. The room has a large sparring area in the middle, a weightlifting area to the left, and ellipticals and the like to the right.

"You've never wandered around up here?" Negan asks with a quirked eyebrow.

"No. You never gave me permission to."

A low laugh rumbles from his throat. "Shit. You're such a fucking good girl. I love it." He smirks at her.

She raises her eyebrow at him. "Okay...? So what are we doing?"

Negan walks several paces in front of Chuck and says, "Come at me."

"What?"

"Come at me. I'm a big scary dude and I'm gonna fuck you up. What are you gonna do about it?"

"Run away."

"I'll catch you."

"Hide."

"Chuck. Come on." He's getting annoyed that she's avoiding combat.

"Just tell me what to do."

"What's your instinct?" He asks. "Besides run and hide." He tacks on the end.

"I don't know… Kick you in the balls?"

"Try it." He motions for her to come at him.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't."

"It won't hurt you if I kick you in the balls?" she chuckles out.

"Just come on. Give it a fuckin' try."

"I don't know. I don't want-" She stops talking when she realizes that Negan is coming at her. Fast. She instantly freezes as he grabs her, takes her to the ground, and straddles her, pinning her hips beneath him. "Negan!" she squeaks out.

"Standing there and doing nothing wasn't a very good fucking strategy, was it?" he says smugly. "What are you going to do now, Chuck?"

"Just tell me what to do!"

"No. I'm fucking _showing_ you. Do something."

"Uh. I'll hit you."

"Do it!"

She's getting angry enough with Negan that all concern for his safety leaves her thoughts. She brings her fist up to try to hit him as hard as she can, but he quickly grabs her wrist, and then the other one, and pins them both with his left hand above her head. She struggles, trying to get her hands free.

"You're too strong. I can't do anything!"

"You can. You just need to find the weaknesses. Fight smarter. What are you gonna do now?"

She decides to forego telling him her next move and springs into action. She tries to buck her hips up into him to try to get him off her, but he uses his right hand and his weight to push her pelvis back down. Everything she tries, he counters easily. Eventually, she's out of energy from struggling around and can barely move. He lets go of her hands, but doesn't move from on top of her.

"Did you fucking learn something with all that?"

"I'm _dead_ if I get into a fight?" she huffs out, her heart racing.

Negan takes her hand and puts her fingers on the pulse point of his neck. "Feel that?"

"It's slow."

"That's right. I barely even fuckin' did anything. I just let you wear yourself out. _I_ fought smart. And _this_ is not a good position for you to be in, by the fucking way." He motions to her body underneath his. "I could do whatever the fuck I want with you and you'd be powerless to stop me. You need to," he taps her forehead as he says the last two words, "fight. smarter. You're small and you're never gonna fuckin' overpower anyone with strength alone out there. The only people that are left are fuckin' bigass brutes that will fuck a girl like you up before you even knew what hit you."

"I get it," she groans, annoyance in her tone. "Will you get off me now?"

He stands up and holds his hand out to help her stand up as well. "I'm gonna go hard on you with this, sweetheart. This is shit you need to fuckin' know. I should've done this as soon as you fucking got here."

"Are we done for today?" Chuck whines, eager to end this lesson.

Negan laughs. "Not even fuckin' close." He gets back into position in front of her. "Come at me."

"Seriously?" she complains. "I have no idea what you want me to do." She looks at him as he stares back at her, unmoved by her whinging. "You're really not going to tell me what to do?"

Negan's only answer is to lunge forward, grabbing both of her biceps and pulling her to him. She instinctively tries to knee him in the groin, but he pivots his hips just in time, deflecting the blow. He brings his hand down to grasp her thigh and pulls up, causing her to be off balance. Negan, once again, takes her to the ground, this time seated between her legs. She tries to push away from him, but he grabs her wrists, like before, and pins them. Then, he pushes his hips into hers, limiting how much she can move her lower body.

" _This_ is an even worse fucking position for you to be in, Chuck," he says as he looks down at her body beneath him and places his free hand flat on her stomach, keeping her down.

"I realize that," she says, thinking of her next move. She knows that she can't get out of his grasp and she can't push him off of her either.

"What are you gonna do?" Negan prods.

"I'm thinking."

"Well, while you're thinking, I could've fucking killed you three different ways."

She brings her legs up and around his waist and squeezes her thighs as hard as she can, causing him to let out a grunt and loosen his grip on her hands. She pushes up on his shoulders and turns her entire body sharply, taking Negan with her. She follows the momentum and sits up on top of him, straddling his waist. She takes advantage of his sudden disorientation and grabs his hands, pinning them on either side his head.

"Ha! I did it," she boasts triumphantly.

He instantly pulls his hands from her weak grasp and brings them around her throat, still making sure not to hurt her. She squeaks in surprise at the sudden contact, and paws at his hands until he lets go a few seconds later.

"You can't fuckin' hesitate to take an attacker out. He'll always get the upper hand on you. You did a good fuckin' job getting me off you, but you have to take me out instantly. How would you do it?"

"Do I have a weapon?"

"Does it look like you have a fuckin' weapon?"

She lets out a huff and brings her hands to his neck, mirroring what he had just done to her.

"Nope. That's not gonna work for you, sweetheart. It takes too fucking long and you're not strong enough to choke me out and fuckin' fight me off at the same time."

"You don't know I'm not strong enough," she says defiantly.

He gives her a doubtful face and pulls her hands off of his neck easily.

"Well, I wasn't actually trying to strangle you."

"Come on, Chuck," he grouses.

"Fine." She brings her fist back and gently pushes it to his cheek, signifying a punch to Negan's face.

"Wrong again, sweetheart. That'll just fuckin' piss me off."

"Well. What am I supposed to do?" She's getting frustrated with Negan and his teaching techniques.

"What did I fuckin' tell you to do?"

" _Fight smarter." That's what he said. I have to use his weaknesses against him. But what weakness does he have? He's bigger and stronger! I need to incapacitate him swiftly. But how? What part of him isn't strong?_

 _Oh wait. I think I know._

She makes a fist and pretends to punch him in the windpipe.

"Yup. That'll probably fuckin' do it. No matter how big the fuckin' dude is, you punch him in the throat, he'll go down," he says, genuinely impressed. "Use that shit. Bodies have weaknesses. The throat, vegus nerve, femoral artery... You don't need to be fuckin' bigger or stronger than the other guy as long as you know where to apply the right pressure." He smiles up at her for a moment. "Now get off me."

In the next week, Chuck moves back into her own room, but spends a lot of her time with Negan. He continues to instruct her on proper self defense techniques when she doesn't have a shift in the infirmary and he has free time. They usually end their sessions at dinner time.

Today is Chuck's turn to cook, even though Negan always does most of the work. He is a much better cook than she is. They finish up with their meal and take their seats at the table.

"So what's up with your face?" Chuck jokes. She noticed that Negan is letting his beard grow out longer than usual.

"The fuck do you mean, Chuck?" He growls out with a mouthful of food.

"You're letting your beard get long."

"You don't like it?"

She shrugs. "It's not bad. But if you let it get any longer, it'll cross the threshold into mountainman territory." Chuck giggles and the pair continue to eat. "I'm kinda sore from our session today. You rode me kinda hard."

"You wanna rephrase that sentence, sweetheart?" He gives her a smirk.

It takes her a second, but she finally gets what he's talking about. "Shut up! You know what I meant. My training. My muscles are sore from it."

"You want me to give you a fucking massage?" He winks at her.

"Why would I get a massage from you when I could get one from Frankie? She _is_ the professional, after all." She smirks back at him, not wanting to play into what he's saying.

"Fuck. You're doing this shit on purpose, aren't you? Cuz the image of Frankie fuckin' rubbing you down is doing all sorts of shit to my dick, sweetheart."

"Oh, I'm sure it is," Chuck says sarcastically.

The pair finish out their nightly rituals and climb into bed.

"I think you should talk to Amber. She seems to be having a hard time lately," Chuck offers as Negan gets more comfortable behind her.

"Fuck." He groans. "It's always fuckin' something with her. Aren't you her friend? Can't _you_ deal with it?"

" _I'm_ not _married_ to her."

"Jesus Christ. Can we just get to sleep?" Negan groans as he cuddles more closely into Chuck's back, like he always does. Chuck suddenly lurches forward and laughs uncontrollably. "What the fuck?!"

"Your long beard hairs are tickling me!"

"Why the fuck are you so ticklish?" Negan laughs out.

"I don't know! But my neck is the most ticklish part."

Negan chuckles lowly. "I hope you realize that telling me that was a fucking mistake."

"No!" Chuck screams while laughing as she tries to move away from Negan. He brings his arm around her and grabs her throat, pulling her body back and into him. She continues to laugh and squirm around as Negan juts his jaw out and shakes his head back and forth, tickling the sensitive skin on the back of her neck with his beard hairs.

"Stop! Negan!" Chuck manages to cry out between laughs.

Negan pushes her down flat on her back and moves on top of her. He starts to rub his face into the side of her neck, causing her to shriek and erupt in a fit of giggles. Spurred on by her reactions, Negan pushes himself harder into her neck.

"Ouch! Negan! Now your beard is just scratching me!" Chuck exclaims, still giggling slightly.

"Sorry, baby," Negan whispers as he pulls back slightly and places a light kiss on her neck causing Chuck's giggles to pick back up. He kisses her lightly again, and again until he presses his open mouth to her neck and swirls his tongue over her skin.

At first, Chuck is only aware of the tickling sensations on her neck, not knowing exactly what Negan is doing to cause them. Her giggles quickly turn into moans as he continues to passionately kiss her up her neck to her jaw. The wetness between her legs begins to build as he expertly moves his lips over her delicate skin. Her mind finally catches up to her body as she becomes fully aware of what is happening. She brings her arms around him and buries her hand in his hair as he moves his face directly in front of hers.

"Are you okay with this?" he whispers between heavy breaths.

Her own breathy voice replies, "Yes, Negan."


	10. Chapter 10

Negan's lips crash onto Chuck's as she grasps the back of his neck and pulls him into her. His surprisingly soft lips work over her own until she opens her mouth to him. His tongue meets with hers and begins an eager dance, exploring the confines of her mouth.

Chuck savors the feel of him, his lips on hers, his hand on her neck, his body enveloping hers. His actions are so soft and caring, not rough and fast like she had experienced before. All of this feels new to her and the fact that Negan is the one giving her these feelings is a bit surprising. She knows that he's not in love with her and that she isn't in love with him, either, but she trusts him completely. Why shouldn't she trust him to give her pleasure, too. The first she would ever have.

She brings her hand to his shoulder, sliding it down his bare chest, and around to his toned back. She holds him against her as his sloppy kisses travel down the front of her neck to her collarbone. The feeling of his warm mouth on her skin causes her to bite her bottom lip and tilt her head back to grant him more access.

He pulls away from her and sits back on his knees beside her, staring down at her trembling form, surveying just what his actions are doing to her. It looks to Chuck like he's unsure about he is doing.

She doesn't want him to stop, so she sits up to join him and pulls her tank top up and over her head, tossing it aside. She looks into his eyes, hoping that she's conveying confidence in her decision to keep going. She figures that his hesitance is rooted in the fact that he's unsure if she really wants this.

"Fuck," he whispers, his breathing heavy as his gaze rakes over her naked torso.

She slowly closes the space between them, gently grasping his face with both hands and pulling it back to hers. Once she softly brings her lips to his, the uncertainty leaves his face. He wraps his strong arms around her and pushes her back down into the bed, causing her to shriek out a giggle.

"What the fuck are you laughing at?" He chuckles and bites his lip, looking down at her as he props himself up above her.

"I can't laugh?" She bites her own lip and smiles as she rubs her hands up his chest and snakes them around his neck to bury into his hair.

"Not during sex. You'll give a guy a fuckin' complex." He smiles before placing passionate kisses on her neck.

"I'm having fun. Don't _you_ laugh when you're having fun?" She giggles innocently then gasps as he bites her gently on shoulder.

"You're such a fucking good girl," Negan whispers in her ear with a grin. He languidly slides his hand down the length of her side to her hipbone. Carefully, he slides his fingers under the waistband of her pajama pants and pushes them down along with her underwear, fully exposing her to him.

Chuck is nervous at the thought of what is about to happen, but she most certainly wants it. She knows that Negan is the perfect man to be her first _real_ sexual partner. She trusts that he would never hurt her and, if she told him to stop, he would.

Negan repositions himself to sit on his knees between her legs, running his hands up her milky thighs and spreading them slightly. "Fuck. You have the prettiest fuckin' pussy," Negan rasps before running his fingers through her curly red hair and over her outer lips. "Mmm. You're so wet for me already." He pushes one of his fingers into her slowly, eliciting a soft moan from her. "Fuck, baby. You're so perfect. You sure you're okay with this?" He asks as he runs his free hand up her naked torso.

"Yes. I want it, Negan." Her voice is breathless, giving away just how turned on she is, if the wetness between her legs isn't sign enough. Her hands find the waistband of his boxer briefs and nudge them down. Negan gets the hint and takes them off fully.

Negan leans over her and brings his mouth back down to her chest to place sloppy kisses as he caresses one of her supple breasts, softly kneading the flesh with the palm of his large hand.

Her back arches up into him at the sensation as she begins to slightly buck her hips, involuntarily seeking more contact. She feels his fully hard cock graze up against her outer lips, making her gasp at the feeling.

He smiles at her reaction and starts to rub his dick against her core, spreading her wetness over himself.

"You ready?" Negan asks as he strokes himself slowly with one hand, running his other hand through her strawberry blonde hair, splaying it across the pillows.

"Yes, Negan. Please," Chuck whines. She has never been so turned on in her whole life. She pretty much has to hold herself back from full on begging him to get on with it already, knowing that he would never let her live it down if she did.

As he pushes the head of his penis into her entrance, she gasps and spreads her legs even more to accommodate his large size. He pauses his motion, making sure that she is ready for him. After a moment, he pushes into her slowly, staring intently at her face as she stares back.

"Negan..." Chuck whimpers lowly and tightly shuts her eyes at the feeling of him stretching her. He instantly stops and looks at her with concern written on his face. "No. Keep going. Don't stop, please. I'm okay," she assures him.

He continues to push the rest of his length into her, making sure to give her time to adjust. He begins to pepper her cheek with light kisses, moving down to her neck to sweetly kiss her sensitive flesh. His hand comes up to cup her cheek as he moves his face in front of hers to give her eye contact. His hips start to thrust deliberately slowly into her at an almost tentative pace.

"Fuck, baby. You feel so fucking good," Negan whispers into her mouth causing her to let out a quiet moan.

Chuck brings her knees up and entwines her legs with his as she moves her hips in time with Negan's thrusts. "Mmm. Go faster, please."

"What's the fucking rush?"

"Negan, please."

"Fuck. Just because you asked so nicely..." He speeds up his pace just slightly.

Despite the fact that Chuck is trying to be quiet, she can't help but be more vocal with her moans and grunts. She isn't sure if Negan would want her to be loud or if it would annoy him. Her brows furrow as she opens her mouth wide in a gasp at her building pleasure.

"Tell me you're good, baby girl," Negan says as he smooths her sweaty hair from her face.

"I'm really good," she smiles and bites her lip, stifling a moan.

"Just let it out, sweetheart. Let go. Don't hold back on me. I want to fucking hear you." Negan snakes his free hand between them and begins to rub her clit in small circles with his fingers. Chuck brings her hands around his shoulders and pulls him close to her as her moans grow louder.

"Negan. Mmm. Oh!"

"Give it to me, Chuck. Fuck... Cum for me." He grunts as he quickens his pace, both his thrusts and his fingers, hastening her to her end. She breathes deeply, quickly, and writhes around underneath him, bucking her hips into his.

"Negan! Oh god! I-I feel..." She's not sure what she's feeling. It feels like something building inside her, but she's not sure what. This sensation is completely new to her. But it feels good and she doesn't want it to stop.

Negan begin to grunt more loudly in her ear as he thrusts faster. The sounds of his own pleasure suddenly triggers her intense release. Her core squeezes around his body powerfully as waves of ecstasy race through her veins.

"Fuck! Fucking Shit!" He pulls out as he cums and immediately paints his release on her pelvis and lower abdomen. "Goddamnit." His heavy breaths puff over her face and neck.

Chuck is still twitching and writhing from her intense orgasm when she feels Negan wiping her body with his own discarded underwear. He tosses them aside and pulls her to lay on his chest, covering them both with his sheet.

"Fuck, Chuck. You clenched down on my fucking dick so hard I almost didn't pull out."

"Mmhmm," is all she can manage to say. The pair lays with each other silently for several minutes, caressing over each other's sweaty skin and savoring the feel of one another.

Negan kisses her head and breaks the silence. "I'll have Simon bring your things up here tomorrow morning," Negan whispers.

"What?" Confused, Chuck lifts her head to look at Negan's face. She is half asleep and isn't sure if she had heard him right.

"You can have the room across the hall."

"What?" Chuck giggles in her lingering confusion as to what Negan is talking about.

"You want to be a fuckin' wife now, don't you? We'll announce it tomorrow and you'll move up here," he says as he wipes sweaty strands of her hair from her face.

"I don't wanna be a wife." Chuck laughs lazily at the ridiculousness of what Negan is saying.

Negan pushes her off of him to sit up fully and Chuck follows suit, sitting back on her knees to his right, facing him.

"What the fuck, Chuck?" Negan is annoyed. "If you didn't want to be a wife, why the fuck did you let me fuck you then?"

"Because I thought it would feel good?" She shrugs and furrows her brow in confusion. "I don't know. What you were doing felt good, so I just went with it. I didn't think it would have to mean anything more than that." She absolutely knows that Negan is no stranger to casual sex. "It's not a rule for your wives, or anything. I know that you've slept with a bunch of women here and it's not like you made every single one of them a wife," she jokes, still not understanding where Negan is coming from.

" _Why the fuck_ won't you be one?" he says, anger lacing his words.

" _That's_ what this is about?" She pauses to search his face. His expression is stern as he stares back at her. "I don't understand why you're getting angry about this. I would think you'd be excited about this. No strings attached sex seems like it's right up your alley."

 _I don't understand. I know why he asked me to be a wife before. Why he wanted to keep me close. I wasn't really doing well on my own then, but I'm doing fine now. I don't understand why he's having this reaction._

"Jesus fucking Christ, Chuck." He rubs his face harshly.

"What? I'm so confused! Why would you want me to be a wife now?"

"I want you fucking safe!"

She lets out a sigh. "Not this again," she mutters to herself. "Why are you so stuck on this? I _am_ safe. You're teaching me how to fight-" He interrupts her with a huff, making her angry. "Well nothing can happen to me since I already spend most of my time up here with you-"

"But not all of it," he spits out.

She's aghast for a moment. " _That's_ what you want? You want to lock me up like a princess in a tower?"

"Goddamnit." Negan rubs his beard as he lets out a huff. "You almost fucking died a few weeks ago!" He raises his voice as he speaks.

Her own voice stays steady even though she's getting frustrated. "Then why didn't you ask me _then_?"

"Because you were already safe in my fucking room 24/7!" he yells.

"Don't you scream at me like that," Chuck says calmly.

"Well what the fuck! You know how hard it was for me to see you fuckin' bleeding out?! See you fuckin' small and broken laying there on that bed? And then to see you fuckin' limping around in fucking pain afterward and I couldn't do anything about it?" He lowers his head and shakes it.

"You could've told me that it upset you that much."

"Really? Do I look like a guy that talks about his fuckin' feelings?"

"You can talk about anything with me."

"I still want you to be a wife. I want you living on this floor."

She lets out a sigh. "I don't want to fight with you about this, Negan. Especially not right now."

"Just be a wife. Say yes." He looks her in the eyes deeply.

She shakes her head as she lowers her gaze. "I don't understand why this is such an issue right at this moment. Right after what we just did..." she looks back to him and meets his gaze.

"I don't fucking understand why you're saying no. I've wanted you up here with me from day fuckin' one, but I thought..." he runs his hand down his chin, "being considered my wife would freak you the fuck out because of what those fuckers did to you at Rolling Acres. But now, if you're fuckin' fine with us _fucking_ then why won't you just be my wife?"

"Because I don't want to be your _trophy_ ," she snaps back. "I don't like what you do with the wives. They're so lonely. You barely let them downstairs and when you do, everyone is too afraid to approach them. Or you just parade them around like they're playboy bunnies or something."

"I'm not doing anything with them that they didn't sign up for, Chuck. This is their fucking choice. They can leave at any moment, no questions fuckin' asked."

"They can just leave? You think everyone downstairs would welcome them with open arms if they left here? The wives know what people think of them. People think they're lazy and opportunists. And _whores_. The thought of living down below and being a worker petrifies them."

He frowns at her for a moment, breathing heavy. "I'm fucking done with this conversation." He shifts to lay down and turns away from Chuck. "Go the fuck to sleep."

"No. Don't leave it like this, Negan. You're just not seeing my point." She lets out a growl of frustration. "I don't want to fight with you." She lightly touches his shoulder and he shrugs her off. "Please."

"What fucking resolution do you want to make here, Chuck?" he says harshly, not bothering to turn to her.

"I don't know. But I don't want to let this fester. I hate when you're upset. I don't want you mad at me." Her voice cracks with emotion as she speaks.

"I'm not mad at you, okay? I'm just tired. Go to sleep." His voice is a little softer, but he still doesn't turn to her.

"Okay. Goodnight, Negan."

The next morning, Chuck wakes up to an empty bed. That's not entirely abnormal, but it sends Chuck into a spiral of overthinking.

 _I still don't understand what happened last night. Well, I understand the first bit, but not our fight after. I don't get how Negan thinks sometimes. He acts like he cares about me so much, but he has no qualms about making me upset when he gets angry._

 _I don't know why he can't let it go and accept that I'm fine. Maybe having sex with him was a mistake. Like it made him think differently about our relationship... I really didn't think that sex would be that big of a deal with him._

 _Ugh. Don't overthink it. Just... get everything back to normal. I can't lose my best friend._

Chuck showers, dresses, and gets some food in her before she heads to the infirmary to start her shift.

Walking into the room, she greets the doctor. "Hello, Dr. Carson."

He lifts his head from the book on his desk. "Good morning, Charlotte."

"What's all this?" Chuck asks, referring to the new equipment in the room.

"The boys finally found some of the equipment I've been asking for." He gets up from his chair and moves to the machines pushed up against the wall by the door. He points to one that has a screen and several wires and instruments coming out of it. "This monitors vitals, blood pressure, pulse rate. That," he points to the next one. It also has a screen with a keyboard and dials in front of it, "is an ultrasound machine. I would have liked to have used this on the last baby I delivered, which turned out to be twins."

"Oh yeah. That would be quite a surprise. How many babies have you delivered?"

"Counting the twins, five. All healthy births."

"Have you performed any surgeries?" Chuck suddenly thinks of how she's gotten off easy in the infirmary so far. No life or death emergencies have ever come up. None that she wasn't the cause of, anyway.

"Just one. An appendectomy. It went well, but I would prefer never to have to do that again. Surgery without anesthesia is interesting, to say the least."

"What's that?" Chuck points to the last machine on the counter.

"That is an autoclave. It sterilizes tools. We won't have to boil water anymore."

Chuck sits down near the counter and looks through the manuals to the new equipment while she waits for the first patients to start coming in. After handing out a few prescriptions, a savior comes in holding a bloody cloth to his forehead.

"Sit down on the table, Kyle. What happened?" Carson asks the man.

"I tripped in the armory and slammed my head off of one of the shelves. Sliced it open on the metal," Kyle explains as Carson examines the wound and cleans it.

"Hmm. I don't think you'll need stitches," Carson begins. "Head wounds always bleed more, but this isn't serious. The liquid skin will work fine for this wound." He backs away from the patient and looks to Chuck. "Will you finish this up?"

"Oh, yeah. Sure." Chuck gathers the supplies, washes her hands, and walks over to the man. She stands in front of him and places her hands on the man's head to get it in the right position for her to work on him. She steps closer and pivots his head to face slightly down, putting the wound in her eye line. "Hold still for me, please." She gives him a friendly smile.

"Of course," Kyle says with a smile of his own. "Anything for you."

Chuck gets to work cleaning the wound throughly and applying the liquid to close it up.

"What's your name?" Kyle asks.

"Chuck." She smiles nervously as her anxiety rises at his attention.

"Hmm. 'Chuck.' That's different."

"I suppose." She giggles, not really knowing what else to say.

"It's unique, though. I like it." He smirks at her.

"That's good." Chuck doesn't know how to respond. She thinks that maybe he's trying to flirt with her and that is the last thing she wants to deal with. It puts her on edge when people single her out.

"You know, you're pretty cute-"

"All done. You're good to go." Thankfully, Chuck finishes up right then and sends the man on his way before the situation got any more awkward.

Chuck finishes her shift and goes to her room to relax before dinner, like she usually does. She showers then writes an entry in her diary about everything that had happened between her and Negan. Even though the pair had fought, the memories of what came before the fight make a blush crawl across Chuck's face. As dinner time passes, and Negan hasn't made an appearance, she gets anxious.

 _Negan would always tell me when he couldn't make it to dinner before. Is he really standing me up today? Because of the fight? Maybe it's because of the sex. I can't believe he's doing this. What does he want from me?_

Chuck leaves her room and stomps up to Negan's floor, ready to confront him.

"Hey, Chuck," Negan's guard greets her as she walks past him. He's used to seeing her and knows that she has permission to be on Negan's floor.

Chuck tries to make sure her expression doesn't give away how angry she is. "How are you, Jose?"

"Can't complain."

Chuck continues down the hall and into Negan's empty apartment.

"Really, Negan? You just left and didn't tell me," she says to herself. She waits around his room for a few minutes before deciding to get dinner by herself.

 _I could just call him on the radio and ask him what's going on. But you know what? Screw him._ _I don't even want to see him now._

Chuck leaves Negan's room and stomps past the wives' lounge with heavy steps to head toward the stairwell.

"Chuck. Wait." Sherry's voice calls out to her.

Chuck turns around and walks toward the woman, trying to look friendly and not upset. "Oh, hey, Sherry."

"Are you okay?" Sherry asks.

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine." Chuck smiles at her nervously.

"You looked angry when you walked by."

"I'm not... angry." Chuck hopes that she is convincing Sherry, but she's pretty sure that that's not the case.

"Come in. Sit with us," Sherry says as she motions Chuck into the room. As soon as they enter, the other women perk up.

"Chuck! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be having dinner with Negan?" Frankie asks.

"He did something stupid," Sherry provides.

"What?" Chuck is surprised that Sherry deduced that from their very short exchange.

"What did he do?" both Tonya and Kayla ask simultaneously.

"He didn't... I mean it wasn't..." Chuck sighs. "We had a fight." Chuck finally gets out.

"He can be such a fucking asshole," Tonya states as she comes forward and into Chuck's space.

"What did he do?" Kayla reiterates.

Chuck has to think of a way to explain what had happened with Negan without divulging that the two of them had had sex. She doesn't really think that the wives would have a problem with it per se, but the subject still makes her uncomfortable.

"He didn't really _do_ anything. He just... He asked me to be a wife again and got mad when I said no."

Tonya rolls her eyes and spits out, "That's so like him. He throws a baby fit when he doesn't get what he wants."

"He just... worries about me. Too much. He took it kinda hard when I got hurt, I guess. He thinks I'll be safer if I lived up here."

"Well," Kayla starts. "I guess you _would_ be safer, but he needs to respect your wishes. You're an adult. You can live your own life."

"I don't think that's how he sees it. He always acts like I'm so helpless. Like he needs to protect me all the time." She lets out a sigh. "I guess I upset him or something because he stood me up for dinner and he's not in his room."

"Why don't you have dinner with us tonight then?" Sherry asks.

"Yeah. That sounds nice," Chuck responds.

Sherry radioes to the kitchen to order their dinners and a half an hour later, their meals are delivered. Sherry excuses herself to take a plate to Amber, who is in her own room down the hall. Frankie grabs a couple bottles of wine and pours glasses for everyone. Chuck is hesitant to drink at first, considering what happened the last time, but she throws caution to the wind and indulges. One glass wouldn't hurt. After their meals are eaten, the women move to the sitting area and start to socialize and play some board games.

"It was Professor Plum. In the... uh, conservatory. With the lead pipe! I win, bitches!" Frankie gleefully calls out. The women all laugh uncontrollably at her excitement.

"Alright. Calm the fuck down, bitch," Tonya teases. "What do you guys want to play next?"

"I'm out. I drank way too much. I can barely keep my eyes open," Sherry slurs and hiccups slightly.

"Me too," Kayla concurs.

"You guys are such lightweights!" Tonya exclaims.

"Yeah. I should get going, too," Chuck adds. She had only drunk one glass of wine, but it was enough and her bed is calling.

"You are too drunk to walk back to your room by yourself. And since _we_ can't leave, just stay here tonight. I'll get you something to sleep in," Frankie says as she leaves the room, not waiting for a reply.

Chuck doesn't correct Frankie about being drunk, figuring that Frankie just wants her to stay upstairs regardless. Sherry and Kayla say their goodbyes to Chuck and leave, as well. Frankie returns with a tank top and a pair of sleep shorts and hands them to Chuck.

"Thank you." Chuck accepts the clothing, even though she can see that Frankie had underestimated her size. She didn't want to act like she's being unappreciative, though.

"You're welcome."

"Do you want to keep the party going, Frankie?" Tonya asks as she holds up a bottle of liquor.

"Hell yeah!" With that, the pair leaves the lounge arm in arm.

Chuck changes into the sleep clothes that Frankie had provided, even though they are pretty skimpy, and collapses onto one of the couches, falling asleep a few minutes later.

— Negan's POV —

I wake up the morning after my fuck session/fight with Chuck cuddled up into her back, like always. It's early yet, still dark and I feel like shit for what happened the night before. Not only did I cross a fuckin' line with Chuck by fucking her, but I fuckin' made it worse by getting angry with her.

Fuck. I'm such a piece of shit. Why couldn't I just keep my hands to my-goddamn-self? It was like I couldn't fuckin' control myself. I was on top of her before I even fuckin' knew what I was doing.

I shower and get dressed, trying not to wake her, and go about my day. I can't shake this fuckin' shitty feeling, though. Why do I feel like this? I know I probably shouldn't have fucked her. It'll just fuckin' complicate things. But it's not like she didn't know what she was doing, or anything. She wanted to fuck me. She practically fucking begged for my dick. She _knew_ what she was doing. And, fuck, did it feel good. No, that isn't really what's bothering me. It's because I asked her to be my wife and she denied me. That's it. She said _no_ to me. Again.

But why won't she just fuckin' be my wife, though? That makes no goddamn sense! She's practically already my wife. More than the others, anyway. I fuckin' talk to her more than any of them. More than anyone, really. And now that she wants to have a sexual relationship with me?

Shit, I hope that wasn't a fucking one time thing...

What is her fuckin' problem, though? What the fuck is going on in her brain? How many women here would fuckin' _kill_ to be asked to be a wife?! And _she_ won't accept?! All I want is to fuckin' take care of her and she won't let me.

Fuck that shit.

Fuck her.

I don't need her. I don't give a shit about her. She can fucking go fuck herself if she thinks that I'll come fuckin' running to save her ass again. She thinks she has me wrapped around her fuckin' finger... Thinks I'll be there whenever _she_ fuckin' wants me, but not when I want her.

Seriously, fuck her.

I go through my whole day of fuckin' meetings, organizing runs, and wandering around making sure that my Sanctuary is in tip top fuckin' shape. While I'm heading to the armory, I run into Simon walking down one of the hallways.

"Hey, Simon?"

"Yeah, boss?"

"You still do your nightly poker game?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"Count me in tonight."

"Really? What about _your_ nightly plans?"

"I can do whatever the fuck I want, Simon. And I want to play fuckin' poker."

We meet up a little later with a few saviors, Bill, Kyle, and Dwight, and go to one of the rec rooms to start the game. We pass around drinks and, several hands in, everyone has a fuckin' buzz going.

"What happened to your face?" Dwight asks as he points to a cut on Kyle's forehead.

"You're one to talk." Bill quips.

Took the fuckin' words right outta my mouth. Dwight is one of the select few that sports a fucked up burn on the side of his face courtesy of my hot ass iron punishments.

"Fuck you, man," Dwight mumbles.

His sense of humor is seriously fuckin' lacking cuz that was fuckin' hilarious.

"I tripped and hit my head on a shelf in the armory," Kyle explains.

"Fuckin' dumbass." I laugh at him. "If you can't handle fuckin' _walking_ then maybe I should demote you."

"Sorry, sir. It was worth it, though. I got patched up by that cute little piece of ass working with the doctor. I think she likes me. She practically shoved her tits in my face when she worked on me."

I shoot my face up from my cards and glare at the motherfucker. He better not've laid a fuckin' finger on Chuck.

"Yeah, right, Kyle. You couldn't get any pussy if yours was the last dick on earth," Bill busts his balls.

"I'm not lying! She was into me. She kept smiling at me and giggling and shit. I know when a woman is getting turned on and that bitch was definitely getting wet for me. I'm sure her pussy was like Niagara Falls!"

"Kyle. Shut the fuck up." Simon growls at him. He's getting pissed just off like I am. But I want to hear exactly what this fuck did with Chuck before I shut him up.

"If Carson hadn't been there, I bet she woulda sucked my cock on the spot. God, she has sexy dick suckin' lips, too. I bet I could've bent her over the table and just fucked her pussy so hard-"

That's _fucking_ it. I jump up and slam Kyle's fucking head on the table twice, breaking his fuckin' nose with a satisfying crunch. I grab onto his hair and wrench his head back so he can look up at me.

"If you ever lay a fucking finger on that girl, I'll pull your eyeballs out of your sockets, rip your prick off with my bare hands, and skull fuck you with your own dick. She is off fucking limits, you hear me?!"

"I hear you! I didn't touch her! And I-I _won't_ touch her. I p-promise!" Kyle cries out as he gurgles a little. His nose is gushing so much blood that it's running into his mouth, probably back his fuckin' throat, too. I push him back down onto the table and fuckin' leave.

It's late, but I need to talk to Chuck. Tell her I'm not really angry with her and that she didn't do anything fuckin' wrong. I don't care if she's not my wife... I should've talked to her this fuckin' morning.

I'm a goddamn idiot. She was upset that I was angry with her and I just left her like that. She doesn't deserve that. Not after all the shit she's been through. Fuck. Why am I such an asshole?

I make my way up to my room to see her. I figure she's in my bed sleeping.

Nope.

I was wrong. I can see that my fuckin' bed is empty as soon as I open the door. I go into the bathroom just to make sure that Chuck isn't there and leave. I pause before I hit the stairwell to ask my guard if he had seen her.

"Did you see Chuck tonight, Sam?"

"Not since my shift started an hour ago, sir. And Jose didn't mention her."

Shit. She must be in her room. I stomp down to her floor and gently open her door. I don't want to scare the shit out of her if she's asleep.

"Fuck!" Her room is completely fuckin' empty. Bed hasn't been touched, just like mine. Where the fuck is she?

I haul ass down to the infirmary and unlock the door. Empty. She has no other place she would fucking go! Fuck. I know she wouldn't try to leave.

I think...

Fuck!

I run out to the gate to make fucking sure. Before I get within sight of the guards, I slow down to walk calmly up to them.

"Anything to report out here, boys?" I try my best to seem fuckin' calm.

One of them answers. "Nope. Nothin' much is going on out here."

"Good. Keep up the good fuckin' work."

Fuck! What the fuck?! Where the fuck is she?! Goddamnit, if anything happened to her...

I pull out my radio as I walk back in through the main doors. "Simon. Privacy."

" _Sure thing._ "

I switch to our private channel and wait a second for him to do the same.

" _What's going on?_ "

"I can't find her."

" _Who? Chuck?_ "

"Yeah. I think she's upset. She's not in my room. She's not in her own fuckin' room! I don't know where the fuck she is. She's not close with anyone but me and you! And we've been playing fuckin' poker all night!"

" _Isn't she close with the wives? Did you ask them about her?_ "

Fuck. I didn't think about that.

"I'm going now."

" _Let me know when you find her._ "

He sounds fucking concerned, but I don't give a shit about him at this moment. I run straight up to Sherry's room and slam her door open.

"Ah! Negan!" She screams since I startled her awake. "What's going on?!" Her room smells like liquor. Was she fuckin' drinking?

"Have you seen Chuck?"

"Shit, Negan." She lets out a sigh of relief. "I thought we were under attack or something."

"Fuckin' focus and answer me!"

She shifts to sit up further in her bed. "Jesus, Negan! We left her in the lounge! I think. We were drinking."

"Fuck, Sherry! You got her drunk?!" I'm relieved but pissed off at the same time.

"She was upset about your fight. We were just having fun with her."

I don't give a shit what she has to say. I slam the door as I leave and go straight to the lounge. I open the door and see Chuck fuckin' sprawled out on one of the couches, fast asleep. I let out a fuckin' sigh of relief as I walk further into the room. I stop in front of the couch and just stare at her for a few minutes. Her long red hair is all over the place, but it is still gorgeous. Whatever fuckin' pajamas she's wearing are too small for her; her tits are half out of the top and her ass cheeks are half out of the bottoms. But somehow, she looks fuckin' perfect.

She is fuckin' perfect.

And she's my girl.

Even if she won't be my wife.

She's all mine.

I decide to take her back to my bed, so I kneel down to put my arms under her to pick her up. A squeal coming from directly beside my fuckin' ear stops me in my tracks.

"Fuck!" I drop her back onto the couch and step back. "I'm fuckin' deaf now! Shit!"

— —

"Negan!? Oh my god! You scared me!" Chuck clutches her chest as she sits up on the couch.

"I thought you were passed the fuck out. Sherry said you were drunk." Negan stares at her for a moment.

"I didn't get drunk, Negan. I had a little bit of wine. I was just sleeping here because it was late when the wives decided to go to bed and they didn't want me to go downstairs by myself."

"That was fuckin' smart of them." He pauses. "Well come on. Let's go to bed," Negan says as he moves toward the door, wiggling his finger in the ear that Chuck had just screamed into.

"No. I'm still mad at you!" Chuck announces while remaining seated.

"What? Why the fuck are you mad at _me_?" He seems genuinely confused.

"You ditched me tonight! I thought we were _friends_! We get in a fight and you just leave me?" Her eyes well up with tears as she speaks. All the anger she felt before is replaced with sadness as soon as she sees Negan. All she can think about is losing Negan as a friend and it upsets her greatly.

"Shit." Negan sits down beside her and puts his arm around her. "Don't be upset. I didn't leave you, okay? I would never leave you. I'm just an asshole. And I fucked up."

"I'm sorry we had sex, okay?" She blurts out, thinking that would fix whatever problem they had.

"You're sorry?"

"I didn't think it would change our relationship. And make you upset. I didn't want to ruin everything. I'm sorry if you see me differently now." Chuck sniffles and wipes her cheek of a tear.

"I don't. I see you the same as I always have." He sighs deeply. "Do you see _me_ differently?" He asks softly.

"No. You're still my best friend. I hope." She gives him a sad, hopeful smile.

"Are you really sorry we had sex?" He seems almost hurt as he asks.

"Well, it was good. For me, I mean." She lets out a little giggle. "I just don't want to give up what we had. I want you to be my friend and if that means that we can't... be together in that way, then I'd rather not... sleep with you."

"You'd really be okay with just fucking me? Friends with benefits kinda deal?"

"Is that weird?"

"No. I just wouldn't expect that from you. I thought you'd be a 'wait for real love' kinda girl." He chuckles at her.

"I'm not delusional. I know fairytale romances don't exist. Especially for me. And sex is just an activity, right? Like _chess_. If you find a partner that stimulates you then why not play with them?"

Negan lets out a booming laugh. "That's a really fuckin' good analogy, sweetheart."

She joins him in a momentary laugh, but turns more serious. "Are you still mad that I won't be a wife?" She looks up at him with wide eyes.

Negan wraps his arms around her, bringing her into a tight hug and says, "No. I'm not mad at you. My emotions are all fucked up. Everything just ends up coming out as fucking anger for me for some reason. I just don't want anything to happen to you." He places a soft kiss on the top of her head. "And... _I_ don't want to hurt you, either. I felt like I crossed a line with you. And I freaked out a little bit. You need to know that I can't love you like you should be loved. I'm just not capable of it anymore."

"I know we're not going to get married, have a million babies, and live in a house with a white picket fence. I'm not some naive teenage girl and I'm not into all that mushy stuff." She laughs as she pulls away from him.

"Well, shit. I'm definitely not going to turn you down if you're gonna offer me a free pussy ride."

Chuck snorts out a laugh. "God. You're such a romantic," she says sarcastically as she stands and moves toward the door. "Can we just go to bed now?"

"Yeah, sure." Negan moves in beside her and the pair head to his room, wasting no time in cuddling into his bed. "You know, I thought you said you were done with wine, anyway."

"Yeah, I think I am. I only had one glass and I have a headache from it."

"You know what helps with headaches?" He pauses. "Orgasms."

"That's real smooth, Negan," Chuck jokes. "But I think I'll be fine."


	11. Chapter 11

— Negan's POV —

I wake up a little later than I usually fuckin' do. Probably because it was late as fuck when I went to bed with Chuck last night. After we made up from our fuckin' fight the day before. I would've liked to have made up fuckin' properly, by _fucking_ , but Chuck didn't want to.

I quietly get out of bed to get dressed, trying not to fuckin' wake her up. I trim my fuckin' long ass beard, take a shower, brush my teeth, and come back out to my room to put my clothes on. Chuck is just starting to wake up as I finish, so I kiss her forehead and tell her I'd see her fuckin' later. She gives me a sleepy smile and I leave.

I walk down the hall and pause to think about which wife I want to fuck. Since Chuck has been spending the nights with me, I started to utilize the wives in the mornings. Except, of course, when Chuck got hurt. My dick was fucking uncooperative as shit for a while until she got better.

Now, hopefully -if she lets me- I can fuck Chuck at night and one of the wives in the morning. And I'm fucking excited at the prospect. I'm in the mood to get my dick sucked, so I go to Amber's door and knock my familiar knock, but she tells me to fuck off. Not in those words, obviously, but I get the hint. Tonya is my next fucking choice and she obliges.

I clean myself up afterward and go to the kitchen pantry to go over the fuckin' inventory sheets. See if we're running low on anything fuckin' necessary. My next stop is the garage. I talk to my men there and they say all the trucks are in good fucking order so I leave to bum around The Sanctuary for a while, making appearances. I walk past the infirmary and see Chuck reading a book and making notes in a notepad. Instantly, I think of the diary Simon had found in Chuck's room a few weeks ago. I fuckin' forgot about it until right now. I know she won't go back to her room for several more hours and the temptation to get a glimpse into that mind of hers is definitely too good to pass up.

I go into her room and straight to her fucking dresser. I dig around in her underwear drawer, pausing as I feel something smooth. I pull it out and it's a fucking iPhone. Why the fuck is Chuck keeping this shit? It's not gonna fuckin' work with no cell service or internet. I try to turn it on but the fucking thing is locked, so I put it back and rummage around some more until I find what I'm looking for. Sitting on her bed, I pull on my glasses from my jacket's inner pocket and open the journal to the latest entry. Yesterday. I read her words, expecting her to profess her undying fucking love for yours truly because of our little fuck session, but she didn't. Not that I thought she would fuckin' _lie_ to me, but I assume she exaggerated _just_ how casual she wants our relationship to be. But what she wrote is pretty much what she fuckin' told me. She just wants to be fuckin' friends. Friends that fuck, as it were.

"Huh," I say out loud. I'm actually a little fucking surprised. My good girl is a little more progressive than I fuckin' thought.

She starts to write about our fuck session. She writes that she trusts me completely and that's why she let me fuck her. She knows I would be good to her. I read on and discover that I gave her her first ever orgasm. Fuck, yeah. The way she describes the whole thing, I must've fucked her real good.

Shit, I'm getting a fuckin' chubby reading this.

Further on down the page, she writes about our fight. She talks about being fucking confused about what I was thinking. Goddamnit. She's just so fucking... I don't know. She doesn't know how the world works now. And she doesn't get how I _need_ to protect her. I guess I haven't fucking explained it to her. I can't even really explain it to my fuckin' self, though. I just have this fuckin' soft spot for her...

She doesn't keep a damn thing from me. Everything she writes in here is what she fucking told me that night. I flip through to older entries and start to read through them. I discover that she really hasn't kept _any_ secrets from me since I told her not to after I brought her back from the fucking cell.

She's such a fucking good girl obeying my words.

I read on paying fucking close attention to what she writes about Simon and Carson, and any other asshole she fuckin' interacts with, making sure that she doesn't write about them doing anything fuckin' weird to her. I know she might fuckin' misinterpret their intentions as being innocent when they might not fuckin' be. But I don't see anything to be concerned about which is a good fuckin' thing. I don't particularly feel like fuckin' bashing in heads right now.

I go all the way back to the very first entry in the diary. It's from several months ago, before Chuck got here. I start to read it, but I really wish I fuckin' hadn't. She must've started this diary right after those fucks at that nursing home laid their hands on her for the first time.

Fuck. Goddamnit.

She doesn't go into detail, but I can tell from her words just how fucking wrecked she was. How scared she was. No wonder she was such a fucking mess when she got here.

Shit. I'm proud as fuck with her that she turned shit around. Maybe I'll give her a little fucking reward tonight.

— —

All Chuck wants to do to unwind from her tedious day at the infirmary is listen to Negan's record collection. She hurries to her floor to take a shower, then heads to Negan's room, hoping he's not there. As luck would have it, the apartment is completely empty. She shuffles through the records on the shelf until she finds the one she wants. After setting the needle on the right song, she bobs cheerily to the beat and begins to sing.

She hears Negan enter the apartment but doesn't stop singing and dancing around. She's having too much fun to be embarrassed by his presence, or by her own horrible dance moves. Negan walks through the bedroom door and leans against the frame, watching her with crossed arms and a smirk.

She grabs his hand and pulls him further into the room. She bobs around him in her version of dancing, which isn't very graceful, but she's having too much fun to care.

"Shit, what is this? I like this song," he offers with a smirk and gently runs his hand over her hip as she turns away from him, continuing to dance.

She throws her hands up and moves her hips around, not caring if her motions are a bit uncoordinated. "Come on Negan. Have some fun. Don't just stand there. Dance a little!" She grabs his hips, trying to wiggle them to the beat playfully.

"I don't think so, sweetheart. The only fuckin' dancing I do is of the horizontal variety."

She huffs and turns away to enjoy the music by herself.

She belts out the last lyric just like the singer in the song does, trying to stifle a giggle when she sees Negan begin to chuckle at her. She moves back to stand in front of Negan and bobs to the beat, bringing her shoulders up and down and bouncing on her feet.

She finishes the song with a laugh, but it's cut short by Negan pulling her into him.

"You know, you are cute as fuck," he drawls as he sweeps the hair off of her face and tucks it behind her ear.

A blush creeps up her cheeks as she giggles at his words. And his close proximity.

He pushes forward so that his lips lightly brush hers with a smile. "So fucking cute." He brings his lips to hers in a light kiss which turns passionate quickly. She gladly returns the kiss as she brings her hands around his neck.

 _I didn't realize that the "benefits" in this whole "friends with benefits" arrangement would kick in so soon. We only just discussed it last night._

 _God, he knows just what to do to feel amazing. Must be all the practice, I suppose. Heh. I wonder if I feel clumsy to him. I don't really know what I'm doing._

Negan grasps her thighs and she takes the hint, bringing her legs around his waist as he lifts her with ease. He takes her over to the bed and lays her down, settling in on top of her. His hands pull her shirt up and off of her body, his lips finding hers again immediately after.

"Negan." She giggles and turns her head slightly away from him as he continues to kiss her jaw, his hands roving her torso. "What about dinner?"

His chest rumbles in a low laugh as he pulls his lips away from her skin. "I think I want to eat my fucking dessert first."

"What dessert?" she asks genuinely.

He laughs at her question and begins to take off her pants along with her underwear. "You're dessert. I bet you taste sweet like a fuckin' peach."

Chuck blushes and laughs. "Is that so?" She may be sexually inexperienced, but she can piece together what Negan has planned. She's a little nervous at the thought, mostly self conscious about whether or not Negan will enjoy her. Nevertheless, she pushes those thoughts aside and helps him finish taking her bottoms off, sitting up afterward to take Negan's jacket and shirt off. When she moves in to unbuckle his belt, he stopped her.

"Nope," he laughs at the confused look she gives him. "This is all about you right now. Just fuckin' sit back and let me take care of you." He runs his hands up her smooth back and unlatches her bra to remove it, leaving her completely naked.

"What about you? Don't you want to... You know... afterward."

"What did I just say? I'm taking care of you right now." He brings his hands to her shoulders and gently presses back, getting her to lay down for him. "There's my good girl," he groans lasciviously as he drags his hands down her torso and licks his lips.

He presses his mouth on her chest to swirl his tongue over her pert nipple. A gasp leaves her lips as she arches her back into the sensation. He continues leaving sloppy kisses down her torso until he reaches her mound. His hands dance across her skin from her waist down to her thighs and gently pries them open further.

"Fuck," he breathes out, his warm breath dancing over her sex. "That is such a fucking gorgeous sight." He stares down at her as he slides his hands up her thighs to her waist and back down, through her red curls to tease over her rapidly drenching flesh. He bends down and suddenly devours her, running his lips and tongue through her folds, causing her to let out a sharp gasp. The sensation is definitely something that Chuck has never felt before.

"Negan," Chuck whispers breathlessly as she brings her hands to his hair and runs her fingers through it tentatively, unsure of her own movements.

Negan's tongue flutters over her sensitive bud causing her to moan and tighten her grasp on his hair harshly. His chest rumbles with a low laugh at her reaction and he doubles his efforts, inserting his fingers into her to massage her walls. She begins to pant as he brings his lips around her clit and sucks as he pumps his fingers in and out. Cries of ecstasy escape her lips as he wraps his free arm around her thigh to hold her in place tightly to his mouth. Negan works on her pearl, swirling his tongue over it in the perfect pattern making Chuck's orgasm build quickly. She looks at Negan to see that he's staring at her chest which is rising and falling quickly under her deep breaths causing her breasts to bounce slightly with the movement.

She's not going to last much longer. "Negan... oh, god!"

He flicks his eyes further up to her face just moments before she throws her head back in pleasure as she feels the tickle of her impending orgasm. Time seems to stop, her focus solely on the feeling of Negan's mouth on her. Her body moves on its own, her back arching and her hips bucking as much as Negan would allow them to in his grasp. A low groan from him causes a vibration that goes straight to her core, adding a layer to the pleasurable sensations still coming from his tongue. Her breathing becomes sharp and shallow as he takes her higher and higher. When she finally tips over the edge, she lets out a long, soft moan and pushes his head into her heat unintentionally. He works her through her orgasm making sure to pull every ounce of pleasure that is possible out of her.

After several moments, he pulls back from her as she lays in front of him out of breath, eyes closed, still twitching slightly.

"Fuck, you taste so fuckin' good. You okay, baby?" he asks after he wiped his face and crawled on top of her, putting his face in front of hers.

She nods in response with her lips still parted slightly.

He bends down and kisses her mouth sweetly. "Say something, sweetheart."

It takes her a moment, but she steadies herself. It feels like her entire body is buzzing. "That was intense... but amazing." She lets out a breathy laugh. "I feel all wobbly."

"That just means that I did my fuckin' job." He chuckles and gives her another sweet kiss. "Stay here and rest up. I'll start fucking dinner." He hops off the bed and goes to the kitchen.

Chuck stays sprawled out on the bed for several minutes coming down from her high before she goes to the bathroom and cleans up. She comes back out, puts her clothes on, and enters the kitchen.

"Oooh. That smells good. I'm starving," Chuck says as she takes a seat at the counter.

"I was thinking about taking you to the fuckin' range tomorrow. Get you familiar with some fuckin' weapons," Negan throws back from the stove, finishing up dinner.

"Oh god, really?" she says nervously. "I, uh, I've never really held a gun before."

"Shit. Not even once?" He turns the stove off and brings the food, which is grilled chicken and veggies, to the table and plates it up. Both Negan and Chuck take their seats and begin to eat.

"Guns have always made me nervous, I guess."

"Well, knowing how to use one now can be the difference between life and fuckin' death. And with the way you are with the self defense shit I've been trying to teach you, you're definitely gonna need a leg up in a fuckin' fight." He grins at her.

"I thought you said I was doing well!" Chuck exclaims.

"No. I said you were doing fucking _better_. And you're definitely better than you were when we started this shit. You're still not that fuckin' good, though."

"Aw," she whines and looks down a bit embarrassed.

"Look, sweetheart. You're just not very physically... proficient. Not everyone is. Trust me, I know better than any-fuckin'-one. If you remember correctly, I used to have to teach dumbass teenagers how to swing a fuckin' bat and shit." He jokes.

"But you always gave me 'A's..."

"That was more of an 'A for effort' kinda deal. You always tried your hardest and I fuckin' appreciated that."

"Then why even waste your time teaching me if I'm so horrible?" she spits out. She never took criticism well, always taking it as a sign that she wasn't good enough. Her self esteem always took a hit when someone pointed out her mistakes.

"Come on, baby girl. Don't be like that." He pauses to take a bite. "It might take a while, but I'm not gonna fuckin' give up on you. I want you to be able to fuckin' kill a man with your bare hands." He pantomimes the action for her.

She laughs at him, setting aside her embarrassment. "It's gonna take a _real long_ while for that to happen. Unless you have a stockpile of steroids you can give me, or something." She shrugs. "Or take me to a lab and expose me to gamma rays so I can turn into The Hulk." She chortles. "Chuck smash!" She pretends to flip the table and punches at the air until she can't hold her laughs anymore.

"You're such a fuckin' nerd." Negan tries his hardest not to look amused, but he's failing. He lets out a laugh and shakes his head at her.

The next morning, Negan, Simon, and Chuck pile into a pickup truck to head to the range. Chuck is a little nervous to be traveling outside the gates, but she knows she's in good hands with Negan and Simon.

"How long will it take to get there?" Chuck asks as the gate opens up and Simon drives through.

"About an hour," Negan answers.

"Okay." Chuck shifts uncomfortably on the bench seat, keeping her legs and arms tucked in as much as she can. Both Negan and Simon are commanding the small space in the cab of the truck, Negan with his knees spread wide, his hands resting on Lucille in between them, and Simon with his arm resting on the gearshift directly in front of Chuck. She has both of her legs on Negan's side, but tries to keep them out of his way.

"You uncomfortable, sweetheart?" Negan asks as he brings his left arm up to rest on the back of the seat behind her head, spreading himself out even further.

"Well. It's kinda cramped in here," she answers with her gaze facing forward.

"You could always sit on my lap if you fuckin' wanted to." Negan raises his eyebrows at Chuck and lifts Lucille a little. "I don't think she'll mind."

She sees out of the corner of her eye that Simon swings his head around to look at her and Negan.

"Yeah, I think I'll pass on that, Negan." She looks down so the men won't see her cheeks blush. She doesn't know why, but the thought of Negan flirting with her in front of Simon embarrasses her tremendously. Especially now that she and Negan have slept together. And are planning to keep sleeping together. She hopes that Simon just took it as Negan being Negan as usual.

Negan lets out a low laugh and mutters, "Your loss."

Simon clears his throat after a few minutes of silence. "So, you ready to shoot some guns today, kiddo?" His tone is just as chipper as it always is with her.

"I'm nervous, but, yeah, I guess I'm ready," she admits. "Is this range outside or...?"

"It's an indoor range just outside of the fuckin' suburbs. We keep a few guys stationed there at all fucking times to make sure the place is clear for us to come in and out. We train most of the fuckin' saviors there," Negan answers. "It's all soundproofed and shit so we don't have to worry about the dead fuckers getting attracted."

Several more minutes pass until the trio turns off the main road and pulls up to a large building. There are a few men standing outside, seemingly guarding the area. Simon parks the car in front and everyone gets out.

"Report," Negan demands as he approaches the guards.

"A couple of biters came through about an hour ago. We killed them and hauled them off. That's about it," one of them responds.

"Caleb here?"

"Not yet, sir."

"While we're down there, I want you to radio me if you see any-fuckin'-thing. I'm serious. If a fuckin' stern lookin' _cat_ wanders around out here, call it in."

"You got it, sir."

Chuck stifles a giggle at the thought of grumpy cats as the trio goes inside. This building had obviously been a gun store and showroom at one time, but is currently empty of weapons. Now, the area has been made into a makeshift living space for the saviors on guard duty. Negan leads them through to the shooting range, which is in the basement.

"Wow. I've never actually seen a place like this before in person. It looks pretty much like they do in tv shows. You know, when cops go to the range to," she uses her best "tough cop" voice, "blow off steam or talk about the big case."

Simon laughs and says, "Yeah. I guess it does!"

Chuck giggles as Negan leads her to the place where she's supposed to stand.

"Simon?" Negan holds his hand out to the man. Simon pulls a gun out of his holster and trades it with Negan for Lucille. "This is a 9mm." He pulls the clip out and pulls the slide back, showing her that the gun is now unloaded. "Here. Get a feel for it." He holds it out to her and she hesitantly takes it.

"Okay. Uh. Jeez." Guns have always made her nervous. Not that she had ever really been around them before. Not even after the end. She never came across any when she was on her own and they had only had a few rifles and handguns at Rolling Acres. And they were always in the guys' possession.

"Don't be so fuckin' nervous, sweetheart."

"Yeah. I mean it's not like I have an actual death machine in my hands, or anything," she says sarcastically.

"Well, it's not dealing any death being fuckin' unloaded. It's perfectly safe." He takes the gun from her hands and starts to point out the various features and describes what they are. "Keep the fuckin' safety on until you think you'll need to shoot something. And never put your finger on the fuckin' trigger unless you're ready to pull it. Now face the target."

" _Sir, Caleb's on his way down,_ " the voice comes out from Negan's radio.

"Good," Negan replies to the man then puts his radio back on his belt. "Caleb trained soldiers in the army before this shit. Now, he trains my fuckin' saviors. And you," he says to Chuck.

"Oh god. Why didn't you tell me you were bringing in someone else? He's gonna hate me because I don't know what I'm doing. Can't you and Simon just-" She is interrupted by a large man in his forties entering the room.

"You're fuckin' late. I had to start without you." Negan calls out, but doesn't seem genuinely angry with the man.

"Sorry, sir. I was coming from the north outpost and had to wait out a herd."

"Did you call it in?" Simon asks.

"Yeah. They're already tracking it. It's headed away from The Sanctuary and should miss all the outposts. No need to divert them." He pauses and turns to Chuck. "So this is the recruit? I have to say, you are not what I expected when Negan told me I was going to be training someone named Chuck. I thought you'd be an overweight middle aged truck driver."

She giggles in nervousness. "Sorry to disappoint."

"No, no. It's definitely a pleasant surprise."

"Alright," Negan booms. "I went over the fuckin' basics of the gun with her. So do your thing." Negan says to Caleb and steps back to join Simon, who is leaning on the wall behind Chuck and Caleb.

"How much do you know about firearms?" Caleb asks Chuck.

"Just what Negan told me a minute ago. And what I learned from video games." She shrugs with an embarrassed smile on her face.

"Alright. Face the target." She does. "Bring the gun up." She does. He moves her hands to the right position and stands back. "Put your feet shoulder length apart. Don't lock your knees." She does her best to follow through on his instructions. He continues to adjust her stance and grip and explains why it is important that she stands that way. "Not bad. I'm going to load the gun now."

"Oh, jeez. Okay."

Caleb smiles at her reassuringly. "Don't be nervous, honey."

Chuck's expression drops momentarily at the word, but she brushes it off. She really had made great strides in her recovery, with Negan's help.

"Don't fuckin' call her that!" Negan yells from behind them causing everyone to look in his direction. Negan grabs Lucille and starts to come forward towards the pair.

"No. It's okay," Chuck assures Negan and he halts his motion. "It's fine. I just want to get back to learning how to shoot now." There is an awkward silence for several seconds, no one knowing quite what to do.

"Sorry, sir," Caleb said to Negan. He seems unsure about what had just happened.

Negan looks back to Chuck as she gives him a reassuring smile. "Just fuckin' get on with it." Negan doesn't move back to the wall but stays relatively close to Chuck and Caleb.

Caleb shows Chuck how to put the clip in the gun and takes it back out again. He puts one bullet in the clip and allows Chuck to load it.

"Okay. Face the target. Remember the stance."

Chuck takes her position. "Is this good?"

"Yeah. Good. There's going to be some recoil, so be prepared for it. Remember the grip I showed you. Now, whenever you're ready, put your finger on the trigger and squeeze. Aim for that bullseye down there. And don't hold your breath. You got this."

Chuck breathes in and out, trying to steady herself. After several moments, she pulls the trigger, sending the bullet down the range and into the back wall.

"Oh my god! That was really loud!" Chuck exclaims and sets the gun down. She rubs her ears, causing the men to laugh in amusement. "Did I hit the target?"

"You weren't even fuckin' close, sweetheart," Negan teases.

"Aw. Really?" Chuck says with a pout.

"We'll get there," Caleb reassures.

Chuck spends the next couple of hours at the range, following the instructions of the three men in her company. At the end of her session, she is a tiny bit more comfortable with a gun in her hands and she had even managed to hit the target a few times. Nowhere near the bullseye, but she got on the paper.

The trio pile back into the pickup and head back home. There is an uncomfortable silence in the truck that Chuck is not enjoying, so she looks around the cab and notices the CD player in the console.

"Are there any cds in here?" she asks.

"There's only one in the glove compartment. I tried listening to it but it's weird as shit," Simon answers.

Chuck opens the glove compartment and takes the cd out.

"No way! Die Antwoord! I like them!" Chuck exclaims.

"You seriously like that shit?" Simon asks.

"What is it?" Negan enters the conversation.

"You just have to listen to it." Chuck puts the cd in the player and sets it to her favorite song. She starts to bob around to the beat as the song starts up.

"What the fuck, Chuck? I thought you had _good_ taste in music. This is weird as fuck!" Negan says with a laugh.

"You should've watched their music videos," she counters. She continues to dance around, spitting out the random lyrics she knows, causing the men beside her to laugh to themselves. Suddenly, Simon turns the music off and stops the car, killing the ignition.

"What-" Chuck stops talking once she looks forward out of the windshield. Several hundred yards ahead of them, a herd of walkers is crossing the road.

"That must be what Caleb saw," Simon says casually.

"They're on the same fuckin' heading as Caleb said. We'll just wait them out like we usually fuckin' do." Negan slouches down in his seat getting more comfortable.

"This is a regular occurrence?" Chuck asks in a tone of disbelief.

"You've never seen a herd before?" Simon asks.

"No. I haven't really been out in all this that much, I guess. Not since the very beginning, really." She starts to wring her hands and bite her lip. She has never seen so many of the dead at one time and it's making her anxious.

"It'll be fine, sweetheart. Don't worry." Negan pats her leg in a reassuring manner. "As long as we don't attract them, they'll continue on their merry fuckin' way."

"What would happen if they headed to The Sanctuary?" Chuck asks, trying to hide just how freaked out she is.

"We'd divert them," Simon answers. "We track them and if they get close, we lead them away. We have a bunch of shit blocked off around the factory, too. Herds can't really get that close. There's really nothing to worry about, kiddo." Simon squeezes her shoulder and smiles.

It takes about half an hour for the herd to pass through and another half hour before Simon is confident to start driving again.

The trio arrive at The Sanctuary and Negan and Chuck exit the pickup. Simon drives the truck back into the garage as Negan and Chuck go through the main doors.

"Come up to my room," Negan says to Chuck, even though he doesn't look at her.

"I kinda want to get a shower before dinner."

"Take a shower in my fuckin' room. I think I still have some of your girly soap and shit up there."

"Okay," she enthuses.

 _I'm not going to turn down an offer to use Negan's shower. The water pressure there actually gets my hair clean and I don't have to worry about the water going from lukewarm, to scalding hot, to ice cold three different times during my shower._

Negan and Chuck continue up to Negan's room. Chuck starts to walk toward Negan's bathroom, but is called back by his voice.

"You're not gonna fuck anyone else," he says flatly.

"What?" Chuck turns to face him.

"You're fucking me and no one else will fucking touch you. Understand?" His tone is stern.

"Uh... Okay...? I wasn't really planning on being with anyone else." Chuck furrows her brows in confusion.

"You're mine. And I don't fuckin' share-"

"Oh my god, Negan. Really?" she fumes. His words rub her the wrong way instantly. It's as if she were a new Christmas toy that Negan doesn't want to pass around the playground.

"Yes, _really_." Negan begins to sound angry.

"Don't get angry with me," she bites back. "What is this all about?"

"What the fuck do you think? That man was all over you."

She lets out an angry breath. "Okay. Well, considering I've only interacted with three men today, one of them being you, another one being Simon, I'm gonna assume you're talking about the man that _you_ forced to teach me how to use a gun. The one that I barely even talked to. And, by the way, the man that I never would have even met if _you_ hadn't put him in front of me."

"It doesn't fuckin' matter why you met him. That's not the fuckin' point."

"No. The point is that you, for some reason, think I'll sleep with anyone that so much as comes in contact with me." She glares at him.

"That's not what I fuckin'... Shit." He lets out a huff as he scratches his beard. "I don't think you would do that."

"Then why bring it up? Why tell me I can't sleep with anyone else unless you think I will?" She pauses to calm herself. "Caleb wasn't all over me, anyway. He was just instructing me. You're blowing things out of proportion. Again. Do we have to keep having the same fight over and over again?" She's beginning to get frustrated.

"Fine. I get it. I'll keep my mouth fuckin' shut, okay?" He throws his hands up in defeat. "But I'm not gonna stop fuckin' looking out for you. Even if you don't want me to."

"It's not that I don't want you to look out for me, Negan. That would be stupid." She walks over to him. "You just overreact so easily. Just don't freak out about trivial stuff. That's all I want." They stare at each other for a few moments. "I'm not as helpless as you think I am. I _am_ capable. A little bit, at least. I'm still alive, aren't I." She trails off at the end, fixing her gaze to her feet.

"I don't think you're fucking helpless. It's just that I fuckin' _need_ to protect you."

She looks at him confused. "You _need_ to? Why?"

Negan breathes in a deep breath and then lets it out. "I don't know." He shrugs. "Maybe... Because I knew you before, I guess. I don't fuckin' know. I can't explain it." He turns away from her, seemingly unsure of what he's saying.

She lets his words sink in for a moment. "It's okay. I get it," she says genuinely.

"You do?" Negan questions and turns to face her.

"Yeah. I get that you want to hold on to something from your past life. I kinda feel that way, too. I want _you_ to be safe, as well. I just trust that you can handle yourself." She gives him a shy smile. "I'll try not to get upset about you being overprotective if you just control your emotions about it."

"I'll fuckin' see what I can do." He chuckles.

"Now. I'm going to go take a shower. My clothes smell like gunpowder and man-smell," she says, changing the subject.

"Man-smell?" he questions with a laugh.

"You know. Men have a smell." She shrugs and laughs herself.

"I guess." Negan chuckles and moves to sit down on his couch.

Chuck goes over to her drawer in Negan's dresser to get clean clothes. After she had moved out of his room after her injury, she asked Negan if she could keep some clothes in his dresser, since she still spent her nights there. He said he didn't care, so she keeps a few outfits and sleep clothes in there. She grabs a tank top and sleep shorts and heads for the bathroom.

Chuck takes her time in Negan's bathroom, relishing the feeling of water that's actually the perfect temperature for the entire duration of the shower. Eventually, she decides that she needs to get out. Hogging all the water isn't exactly fair to everyone else. She wraps herself in a towel and dries off a little bit as she walks over to her clothes on the counter. When she lifts her shirt off of the pile, a small black lump falls to the floor. Chuck bends forward to get a closer look at it, but instantly jumps back when she notices eight wiggling little legs.

"Ah!" she lets out a bloodcurdling scream. "Negan!"

Negan bursts into the room and looks around frantically. "What's wrong?!"

"Kill it kill it kill it kill it!" Chuck yells as she points frantically at the spider scurrying across the floor. Negan follows her finger with his eyes and hurries to stomp on the creature, crushing it underneath his boot.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Chuck?! You gave me a goddamn heart attack! I thought something was seriously fuckin' wrong."

"Sorry," she starts, embarrassed. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just really hate spiders." She looks up at him and sees that he looks like the cat that ate the canary. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Oh, I don't know," he drawls as he saunters towards her. "Could it be that you just told me," he runs his hands up her bare arms, across her shoulders, and to the top of the towel bunched at her chest, skimming his fingers across her collarbones, "like _just_ told me not to be overprotective and freak the fuck out about trivial things? And then _you_ freak the fuck out about a trivial fuckin' thing and scream for me to come in and protect you."

"Fear of spiders isn't trivial!" she blurts out. "Millions of people are afraid of spiders. Or at least they were when there were still millions of people alive." She pauses trying to think of a good point to counter Negan. She knows she's floundering. "Spiders can be dangerous, you know. Venomous." She looks down to where the squished spider remains. "That one could've been deadly."

Negan runs his hands up her neck to cradle her jaws. He brings his face close to hers as a low laugh rumbles in his chest. "You are just so goddamn adorable," he coos and places a sweet kiss on her lips.

"Don't belittle me." She tries to stop herself from smiling, but fails.

Negan places his mouth to her ear and begins to whisper. "Take that fucking towel off. Now." His tone is so dominant and filled with lust that Chuck doesn't know how to react.

She laughs nervously and takes a step back. "Jeez, Negan."

He comes forward and kisses her again.

"How about after dinner?" Chuck offers as she runs her hands down his leather jacket. She can admit to herself that she's a little tuned on, but she's also a little intimidated by his intense sexuality in this moment.

"But I'm fucking hard _now,_ " he growls as he grabs her hand and leads her into the bedroom.

"Oh, _now_ I see," Chuck calls out with a smirk on her face.

"See what?" Negan turns to face her.

"You _like_ being the protector," she teases. "The defender of fair maidens," she changes her voice to sound more heroic.

"What the fuck are you getting at?" His tone is more amused than angry.

She points to the bulge in his pants and raises an eyebrow at him. "Everything makes so much more sense now! The overprotectiveness. Why you call yourselves 'saviors'! You _love_ being the knight in shining armor! Like _really_ love it, considering your current... situation," she jokes as she gestures to the front of his pants again.

Negan comes forward and grasps Chuck's hips, pulling them into his own, and causing a shrieking giggle to come from her. She can feel his hard cock pressed against her through his pants. "I'm no white knight, sweetheart. Did it cross your mind that the sight of you almost fuckin' naked made my dick rise to the occasion?"

She giggles. "Nope. I think my explanation was right."

Negan crashes his lips onto hers and kisses her passionately. "Why don't we work up a fuckin' appetite before dinner."

"Oh my god," she laughs. "That was corny." She drops her towel to the ground and moves to the bed.

He gave her a light smack on her bare bottom as she got on the bed. "It did the fuckin' trick, though. Didn't it?" Negan quickly gets undressed and crawls on top of her. "Because we're gonna fuck now."

She chuckles. "I just feel bad that you have no game. I thought I'd throw you a bone."

"I'm gonna throw you _my_ bone here in a minute." He wiggles his eyebrows at her.

"Oh my god!" Chuck can't hold back her laughter. "That was just horrible."

He kisses her smiling lips. "Oh, I don't know. I didn't think it was that fuckin' bad," he murmurs into her mouth then kisses her again.

Chuck loosely wraps her legs around Negan's hips as she scratches her fingers through his beard.

"Shit, sweetheart. Easy on the moneymaker." He gestures to his face, eliciting a laugh from Chuck.

"Sorry. I didn't think you were so delicate," she giggles.

"Oh, I'm anything but fuckin' delicate. As a matter of fact, I'm very hard, in general." He pushes his hard cock into her wet heat slowly, causing her giggles to turn into a soft moan. "Not like someone I know." He pecks her cheek. "You're so fucking soft." He smirks at her as he rolls his hips, thrusting into her.

Her laughs are breathy as her chest begins to rise and fall deeply. "Is that so?" She brings her arms around his head and gently pulls his face closer to hers.

"Mmhmm." His breath puffs softly on her face as his thrusts get quicker and deeper. "Fuck. Do you have any fuckin' idea how good you feel?"

Chuck laughs and blushes furiously, both from the compliment and from her arousal. Her hips begin to move in time with Negan's, creating the perfect rhythm for the both of them. Negan brings his mouth down to hers, capturing her lips in a fervent kiss while he grasps her breast, kneading the soft flesh. His hand leaves her chest and travels to her face, his thumb caressing the lips that had just left his own.

"Negan... I'm-" Her words are swallowed by a moan coming from deep within her chest.

"I know, baby. I can feel it."

She begins to tighten around him, and she knows she won't last much longer. Her moans coincide with his grunts creating a lewd symphony in the room as he continues to thrust inside her.

"Don't cum inside," she says as her breathing gets sharper.

"Fuck." He breathes in and out deeply a few times and pauses his movement. "I won't." He sits himself back on his knees and grips her hips, thrusting into her without abandon as he stares down at her bouncing breasts.

"Oh god. Negan!" Her hips buck uncontrollably as the coil in her belly winds impossibly tighter.

He brings one hand up to her throat, gripping it possessively. "Fuck! You need to cum now."

"Ah! Negan, I'm- I'm.." She feels the rush of her orgasm travel through her body, sending tingles through her extremities as her walls squeeze his hard flesh tightly. He stills momentarily, allowing her to finish, before pulling out and stroking himself over her, painting his release on her stomach and chest.

"Fucking fuck!" He collapses beside her, lying on his back as the both of them catch their breath. After a few minutes, Negan picks up the towel off of the floor and wipes Chuck's abdomen off, discarding it afterwards.

"Goddamn, that was amazing," Negan growls out as he crawls in beside Chuck.

She props herself on her side to face him. "Can I ask you something?" Her voice is soft, but hesitant.

"Sure, sweetheart." He mirrors her pose and pushes a lock of her strawberry blonde hair away from her face, twirling the soft curl in his fingers.

"Do you have... uh... When do you... have sex with the wives?" She gets the words out quickly so she won't lose the nerve halfway through saying them.

"You want to fuckin' join in or some shit?"

"No!" She looks at his face and sees that he's joking around. "Come on, Negan. Be serious."

He lets out a sigh before answering. "Usually in the morning. After I fuckin' get dressed. You know, since I spend my nights with you. You're usually still asleep when I leave."

"Okay." She's relieved to hear that.

"Why are you fuckin' asking?"

"It's just... I don't care that you do it, obviously. I mean, I know you do... do it... with them. They're your wives. But... It just makes me feel weird to think that you would sleep with one of them and then sleep with me immediately afterwards. If we're going to do this," she gestures between them, "you know, _regularly_ , I want you to, uh, take some time between them and me." She shrugs her shoulders. "If that makes sense. And also take a shower before you get with me."

"That's pretty fuckin' reasonable. I'll work out a fuckin' spread sheet of dates and times and shit," he jokes.

"Haha. Very funny," she says sarcastically.

Negan rolls on top of her and gives her a sweet kiss. "Calm down," he whispers and places another soft kiss on her lips as he runs his hand over her hair. "I'm really glad you think that my old ass is ready to fuck again in no time flat. Which is really fuckin' true, by the way. You're absolutely fuckin' right about that." He lets out a low laugh and she joins in. "But I'll give myself a few hours after wife-fucking-time before I engage in Chuck-fucking-time."

She giggles at him as she tries to fix some of his hair that had come out of place. "That's all I ask." She laughs again. "I never in my wildest dreams ever thought that _this_ would be a conversation I'd ever have. With my high school gym teacher, no less."

He laughs back at her. "It's a crazy fuckin' time to be alive." He kisses her again. "How about I call down to the kitchen and get us some fuckin' dinner?"

"That sounds amazing." She pauses, then a huge smile spreads across her face. "I think I worked up an appetite."


	12. Chapter 12

— Negan's POV —

"Simon, my good man!" I call out to him as he helps the guys get the truck ready for the fucking pickup I had to attend to today. "So I was thinking that after the pickup, I wanted to swing around that little neighborhood out there that we've never had the fuckin' chance to go through."

"I can brief TJ's guys. They can hit it while you're at the pickup."

"No, Simon. _I_ wanna fuckin' do it. Like the goddamn old days. Lookin' through shit. Crackin' dead skulls with Lucille. It'll be fuckin' fun!" I slap him on the back and give him a smile. Fuck, today is gearing up to be an amazing day. I feel fuckin' great. And I bet I'll find some awesome shit in that neighborhood, too.

"Uh. You? A scavenging run? You sure, boss?" Simon looks confused.

Fuck, has it really been that long since I've done that shit?

"Fuck yeah, Simon! Shit!" I laugh out loud.

"You're in a weird mood. You feeling all right?" He gives me an almost suspicious look.

"I can't be in a good fuckin' mood?"

"Well, yeah, you can be in a good mood. Is there a particular reason for it?" He raises his eyebrow at me.

Fuck yeah, there's a reason. I buried my dick in Chuck's tight ass pussy last night before dinner. And then I did it again before we went to bed. And I swear I saw the fuckin' face of god as I came all over her fuckin' stomach and tits. The only way it could've been any fuckin' better was if I could've cum inside that sweet pussy of hers.

I'm not gonna tell Simon all that shit, though. I'm pretty sure Chuck would never fuck me again if I go kissing and fuckin' telling. And I definitely want to fuck her again. Shit, last night was even better than the first fuckin' time we fucked. And I'll remember _that_ shit 'til the day I fuckin' die. How beautiful she looked taking my dick for the first time. How my name was on her lips as I gave her her first orgasm...

I push the thoughts away so I can get back to my fuckin' conversation. "Do I need a fuckin' reason? Shit is good right now. Lighten the fuck up, man. Get laid or something."

"Yeah. I'll go do that." He's being sarcastic.

Fuck, man. Not even this sassy motherfucker can ruin my mood today.

Simon starts to walk away from me, but turns back around. "Oh yeah. The western outpost radioed us. They got three new prospects out there. A lady good with plants. A woodworker. And a guy good at hunting. I guess."

"Oh shit! That's great. See, Simon? This is a banner fuckin' day!" I call out to him. "Tell the outpost to keep their eyes on them for a month. If they don't fuck up, we'll bring them here."

"And if they do fuck up?"

"Eh. We'll fuckin' see, I guess." I laugh again. And Simon joins in before he turns back around to walk away.

"Before you go sticking your dick in something, get TJ's guys and an extra truck so we can empty out that neighborhood. I just have a fuckin' feeling that I'm gonna come back with some amazing shit today."

— —

Chuck flips through her book about infectious diseases, waiting for a patient to come in and give her something to do. Since she has been working in the infirmary for almost two months now, Carson has started to leave her by herself at times during the shift. With Negan's blessing, of course. Carson isn't supposed to leave her alone after hours if a patient needs to stay overnight. Obviously. Since that didn't work out so well once before. And he's not to leave her on her own for too long at a time, either. Because it's so slow right now, Carson has wandered off.

 _I guess Dr. Carson needs time off, too. He doesn't really get any days off. And it's not exactly like I work full time. I can let him relax a bit every once in a while. I don't mind._

"Hiya, angel," Simon says as he comes through the door.

"Hey. How's being Negan for the day going?" Negan had told her that he had to go on a run today and that Simon is in charge while he's gone.

"Not bad. I ran into Doc Carson in the caf. He said you were here by yourself, so I thought I'd bring you lunch." He sets a plate, which has a very nice looking sandwich on top of it, on the desk in front of Chuck.

"Thanks. That's so nice of you," she says genuinely. "I am getting a bit peckish." They both chuckle.

"So," Simon moves to lean against the desk. "Negan was in a weird mood this morning."

"He was?" Chuck questions with a mouthful of her sandwich.

"Yeah. You didn't notice?"

She swallows her bite. "He seemed like he was in a good mood to me when I saw him."

"That's what I mean. He's never in _that_ good of a mood." Simon stares at her face intently, as if he were studying her response.

"Hmm. I suppose it's bound to happen every once in a while." She giggles and shrugs.

He stares at her for another moment before he starts to laugh himself. "Yeah. I suppose so." He looks down at the open book that she had been reading. "Holy shit. That's fuckin' disgusting!" He points to the picture of a patient with trench foot.

"Yeah, it is. I don't think you'll have to worry about contracting that, though. As long as you don't engage in trench warfare for a long period of time. So strike out time traveling to World War I France off your to do list."

"There goes my plans for the weekend." He laughs before he shudders dramatically and lets out a disgusted noise at the picture. "You got any plans of your own for dinner tonight? Since your usual dinner date is otherwise engaged."

"Yeah. I'm eating with the wives. Sherry is making a roast of some sort."

"Really?! A roast? Shit. I need to start sucking Negan's dick, too. Maybe I'll get some better shit," Simon jokes.

"I don't do that!" Chuck snaps. She is thoroughly offended that Simon implied that she gives Negan blowjobs for special things, like she is some sort of prostitute.

"Fuck. I wasn't talking about _you_ , Chuck. I know you don't do that. Right?" Simon apologizes.

"Well... don't talk about the wives like that, either."

"Shit, you're right. It was a shitty joke. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot."

"They're good people, Simon." Chuck further defends the women she sees as her friends.

"Yeah. I know. I know they have their reasons for accepting Negan's wife offer." He holds his hands out in a placating gesture. "I just... It was a bad joke."

"Yeah..." Chuck lowers her gaze. As she cools down a bit, she begins to regret what she had said. Well, not _what_ she said, but how she said it. "Sorry I kinda yelled at you. I know you didn't mean any harm."

"No need to apologize. I was in the wrong."

Chuck clears her throat. "So, uh." She wants to move away from this awkward situation, so she scrambles to change the subject. "I have this iPhone that has a ton of music on it. The little internal speaker was broken ages ago, but I was thinking that maybe there's a portable speaker in the market I can use to listen to it. Do you think there's something like that there?"

"Hmm," Simon thinks. "Yeah. I think we have some of those."

"Good. I'll check it out after my shift, then." An awkward silence extends between the two of them.

"Well. I gotta run," Simon blurts out and gets up from the desk. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah. Okay. Bye, Simon."

He gives her one last look before he walks out of the door.

"Way to be awkward, Chuck," she mutters to herself.

After her shift, Chuck wanders around the marketplace looking for anything interesting to buy. She does find a rechargeable Bluetooth speaker for her iPhone, as well as some new clothes, a pair of shoes, and some new movies to watch. She dumps her new items in her room and heads up to the wives' lounge.

"Hey, Chuck," Amber greets from the couch closest to the door. Tonya, who is sitting beside her gives a little wave, too.

"Hello."

The rest of the wives are moving around the kitchen area, finishing up dinner.

"You're just in time, Chuck. Dinner's almost ready," Sherry calls out.

"It smells delicious. Do you need any help?"

"No. It's all done here. Just take a seat."

Frankie sets the table and Kayla pours water into the cups already on the table. Everyone takes their seats and digs in. After the meal, Chuck helps clear the plates and the women move to the sitting area.

They somehow get on the subject of what everyone did in the past. Sherry had worked in an office building. Tonya was a hair dresser. Chuck already knew that Frankie was a massage therapist. Kayla had worked as a midwife for rich people. And Amber was a waitress in a big chain restaurant. The wives already knew that Chuck worked with computers, but Chuck had never told them about her past with Negan. Keeping the information from them started to eat at Chuck as she began to get closer to them, though.

"Do you guys know what Negan did before all this?" Chuck is curious if he'd ever told them.

"He let it slip once that he worked in a school," Frankie provides. "We think he was a teacher."

Chuck is happy that they already knew that. Maybe Negan wouldn't be upset if they knew he had taught her, as well. Who would they really tell about it, anyway?

"Uh... yeah. I-I knew him. He was a high school gym teacher. He taught me." Chuck tries to say it as confidently as possible. Like it _isn't_ some big secret that she had been keeping from them.

"See, I told you they knew each other before!" Tonya triumphantly calls out to the rest of the wives.

Chuck is relieved to see that the women still have friendly expressions on their faces. She had worried that they'd be upset when they found out.

"Yeah... He was a good teacher. We were kinda close back then. He did a lot for me." Chuck pauses to make sure the wives are still on board with what she's saying. "Sorry I didn't say anything before. He kinda told me not to talk about it with anyone."

"It's okay," Sherry says softly. "We all know you have a special relationship with him."

" _Special relationship"? Do they know that I've had sex with Negan? Should I say something? Ah!_

Chuck can feel the heat rising in her face. She hopes that her cheeks aren't as red as she thinks they are. And if they are, that the wives won't notice.

"You don't have to be so embarrassed about it. We all figured you two were fucking," Tonya comments as if it were the most casual sentence she'd ever uttered. "You do have sex with him, right?"

"Uhh..." Chuck's brain is short circuiting. She was never comfortable discussing sex with anyone. When her mother gave her "the talk", she thought she'd pass out from lack of blood to the brain because all of it had pooled in her cheeks. Talking to five different women about having sex with the man that they all _also_ sleep with seems like it would be about a million times more humiliating.

"Tonya," Sherry chides. "She's uncomfortable. Maybe this subject isn't exactly appropriate."

"What? It's just sex. And Negan's great at it." Tonya shrugs. "We don't care if you fuck him."

"Really?" Chuck looks to the women to see if Tonya is right. They still all look pretty indifferent and unbothered. Not at all angry.

"It's not like we don't know that Negan fucks around," Tonya adds.

"Yeah. And you're practically a wife anyway." Kayla states.

"We just don't want you to get hurt," Sherry interjects. "Negan is... complicated. He's not exactly emotionally available."

"No. I know. He's not going to hurt me that way. I know what our, uh... arrangement is. We're just friends. But we... you know." Chuck feels so awkward talking about this.

"Can I ask why you're not a wife, then?" Frankie looks at Chuck with confusion on her face. "Since you sleep with him and all. It seems like it makes sense that you would just move up here."

Chuck shrugs. "I'm just happy with what I'm doing now. I like working in the infirmary."

"You could make stipulations for Negan. I did," Kayla offers. "I get to help out with all the births. Whenever there are pregnant women, I spend a lot of my time with them instead of up here. Negan is fine with it."

"Can I ask why you guys all agreed to be wives?" Chuck had wondered this before, but never brought the subject up. The women all look to each other with odd expressions on their faces. Chuck panics for a second, thinking she has crossed a line with them.

" _I_ just wanted to," Tonya says casually, breaking the tension. "I've always had a daddy kink and Negan is hot as fuck. He offered me a job as a barber. Said I'd make enough points to live well, but I wanted to be up here instead."

Frankie clears her throat. "I started out as Negan's personal masseuse. Strictly professional. I lived on your floor at the time. Someone came into my room one night and tried to..." She looks down, not finishing the sentence. Chuck instantly knows what had happened to her. "Anyway, Negan took care of the guy and said I could come up here if I wanted to after that. I thought it was a good idea, so I became a wife. We didn't start sleeping together until way after I moved in. He let me decide when I was ready."

Amber looks the most upset out of all the wives, but she still offers her story. "My mom has a heart condition. I tried so hard to work enough to take care of her and get her medicine. But I still fell behind on points. Even with my boyfriend Mark helping out. Negan said he'd take care of my mom if I came up here, so I did." Amber sweeps a tear from her cheek as she finishes.

"I lived with a small group before Negan and his men found me." Kayla starts. "Another group came through and killed everyone. They left me for dead. I was in really bad shape. That was before we had an actual doctor and infirmary. So Negan brought me up here and Sherry took care of me. She was the only wife at the time and we got really close. After I had healed, I couldn't bear to be away from her, so I asked Negan if I could stay up here with her. That's when Negan got the idea to have multiple wives."

Chuck looks to Sherry. She didn't know that she was Negan's first wife. Well, first wife after the turn.

Sherry looks to Chuck and begins her story. "I came here really early on with my sister, so I've know Negan for a while. Like, right after he came here. My sister had diabetes and needed insulin regularly, but we managed it for a long time. My... ex-boyfriend Dwight tried to help out, for a time, but it wasn't enough in the end. By the time this place became 'The Sanctuary' and Negan became _Negan_ , she was really bad off. I asked Negan to help her and he said he couldn't just give her medicine for nothing; it would undermine the rules he laid in place. He worked with me to try to figure out how to get the medicine for her, though. I brought up the idea of her marrying him. I knew he wouldn't touch her and that it would be a fake marriage, so I thought that might work. People wouldn't bat an eye at Negan giving his own wife anything she wants. He didn't want to marry her, though, because she was only seventeen. He thought it would send a bad message to everyone else. That minors weren't off limits and he wasn't okay with that. Then he said if _I_ would marry him, he'd take care of her, too, because she was my family. And that's how it was."

"You were with Dwight?" Chuck asks. This is the first time Sherry had ever mentioned him.

"Yeah. For a little bit. We started dating a little after he came here which wasn't that long after me and my sister got here. But-" Sherry puts her head down and shakes it. "He's a good man, but my sister came first."

"Where is she now?" Chuck asks.

"She took a turn for the worse and I lost her." Sherry looks away and rubs a tear out of her eye.

"I'm so sorry." Chuck reaches out to place a reassuring hand on Sherry's shoulder.

"It's okay." Sherry places her hand on Chuck's and squeezes it a little. "I stayed on as a wife because _this_ is my family now." She looks to the women around her and they all smile warmly.

"And you're part of our family, too, Chuck." Kayla adds. "Even if you're not officially a wife."

Chuck smiles and blushes at the kind words. "Thank you. That means so much to me."

"Enough with this fluffy shit. Weren't we talking about sex?" Tonya cuts in and turns to face Chuck. "How does Negan fuck you?"

"God, Tonya!" Frankie exclaims in surprise. "You don't have to answer her. She gets off on talking about all that stuff."

"What? I'm a kinky bitch," Tonya says with a shrug.

Chuck can tell that her face is beet red. She doesn't particularly want to talk about Negan in that way, but she doesn't want to make it seem like she's being icy to the wives.

"Uh. Negan is, uh... really nice." Chuck has no idea how to describe sex with Negan.

"So did you guys sleep together before this, when you knew each other before?" Kayla asks. Her expression changes to regret immediately after she finishes the sentence. "Oh, god. Sorry. I shouldn't have asked that. That's really personal. I just got curious and spoke before I thought about it." She throws her hands up a little in embarrassment.

Chuck giggles at her. "It's okay. I was in high school then. He was just my teacher. He would have never taken advantage of a student. And we didn't keep in touch after I graduated."

"What was Negan like back then?" Amber asks.

"No!" Tonya interrupts. "We're getting off topic again. I need details, girl. Does he fuck the shit outta you?" Tonya focuses back on Chuck. All the women laugh, including Chuck. She is trying to let go of some of her anxiety and self consciousness.

"Uh. Not really...? He's sweet, I guess. He takes it slow, mostly." Chuck shrugs. She's pretty sure those weren't the details Tonya wants.

"Really? He's like that all the time? Does he ever go fast and hard?" Tonya continues as Chuck stays quiet, working up the courage to answer her. "You're killing me over here with the vagueness! He's always sweet and slow?" Tonya laughs as she presses her for more info. The other women seem pretty interested, as well.

"I guess." Chuck giggles with the women. "We kinda just started to... you know, do it."

"Really? You weren't having sex with him this whole time?" Frankie asks.

"No. It's only been a few days, actually."

"So why did you decide to have sex with him now? You've been sleeping in his room for a while, right?" Amber asks.

"Yeah. We were always... platonic. Then it just... happened. And it was good, so we did it again. We didn't really plan on it happening that way, or anything." Chuck shrugs.

"Did he eat you out yet?" Tonya waits for Chuck to answer, but all Chuck can do is giggle and blush. "I'll take that as a yes!" Tonya and the women laugh.

"He does have a very talented tongue," Kayla concurs through her own giggles.

"Eh," Frankie makes an unimpressed noise. "He's alright."

Kayla lets out a huff. "You're crazy if you don't enjoy that, Frankie."

"Yeah, but she likes ass stuff," Tonya adds causing Chuck to choke on her own spit as she gasps.

"I think you're blowing the poor girl's mind," Sherry jokes.

"Then I'll keep it to myself that I love _watching_ Frankie take it up the ass," Tonya says nonchalantly causing everyone to erupt in laughter.

" _Chuck! We need you in the infirmary right now! It's an emergency!"_ Simon's voice squawks through the radio on Chuck's hip, effectively silencing the women in the room.

Chuck says into the device, "I'll be right down." She gets up and runs out of the doors as the wives gasp at the news. She doesn't know what she's going to walk into, but Simon sounded very urgent and that has her on edge.

Chuck flies down the flights of stairs and to the infirmary doors. There are two saviors stationed just outside the room, their clothes stained with blood. She opens the doors and nearly faints at what she finds behind them.

Negan is sprawled out on one of the beds groaning and writhing in pain, his pants cut all the way up his right leg, revealing a large jagged gash on his upper thigh. Carson is hunched over it, trying to close it with stitches. Three saviors are trying to hold Negan down as he weakly thrashes in the bed. Chuck can tell from the way Negan looks that he must have lost a lot of blood already.

"Scrub in, Charlotte. Quickly," Carson says before she can process the scene any further.

She runs to the sink to wash her hands. "You need to get Randall and Chris in here to donate blood to him," Chuck calls out as she puts the gloves on and turns back to the scene. She knows she can't freak out right now. She needs to keep her head if she's going to be of any use to Carson.

"No!" Negan growls out. "Only Chuck. I'm not letting those motherfuckers taint my shit with their shitty blood. And no one else can know about this!"

"Get them here, Simon!" Chuck demands, disregarding what Negan had just said.

"Don't you fucking dare, Simon," Negan hisses, even though his strength is fading.

"Get him hooked up to those monitors and check that head wound," Carson orders Chuck as he concentrates on closing the wound on his thigh.

Chuck makes short order of attaching the monitors. She's very glad that she had spent some time practicing how to use the new equipment on herself after getting it. Negan's numbers look okay so she moves to his head. She examines the wound on the side of Negan's skull and determines that it needs stitches, but isn't too serious. She gently touches the area to feel for breaks in the skull, but can't feel any obvious deformation. She relays the info to Carson and moves to get the supplies to close the wound, but Carson stops her.

"Leave it for now. I need to put an iv in you."

Chuck looks around the room. "Where are Chris and Randall?" Chuck had been too busy to realize that Simon had obeyed Negan's orders, and not her own to call the only other people that can donate blood to Negan. Chuck lets out a frustrated grunt, but gathers the necessary supplies for her to donate her blood and gives them to Carson. He quickly puts the needle in and goes back to Negan's wound as Chuck sits back in a chair beside him. She feels useless just sitting there doing nothing to help Negan. "I can't give him enough fast enough, Doctor. He needs the others' blood, too."

"You can give him enough. It's not ideal, but it won't be too dangerous for you. And he'll get enough so it's no longer dangerous for him. I have to follow his orders." Carson finishes with Negan's thigh and moves to his head. He shines a penlight in Negan's eyes. "Pupil dilation is normal. What is your name?" Carson asks him.

"Negan," he says weakly.

"Where are you?"

"Sanctuary. Fuck..." He groans out in pain.

"What is five minus two?"

"Three."

"Good. I don't suspect any brain trauma." Carson uses two stitches to close the wound on his head and begins to give Negan the first bag of blood that Chuck had filled. "I'm going to give him some pain medicine, now that I'm confident he doesn't have a brain injury."

Negan stirs weakly and lets out grunts of pain as Carson injects the medicine into his IV and monitors his condition closely. Chuck continues to give blood, knowing that Negan needs more. Carson dismisses the other men in the room and they begin to leave.

Simon lets out a sigh. "I'm going to debrief all the saviors who know what happened," he explains. "Negan planned for shit like this and I have to go over that with the guys. Follow protocol. I'll be back the second I get done with that. Alright, kiddo?"

"Yeah." Chuck gives him a sad smile, trying to stay strong.

Several minutes later, Simon returns and sits beside Chuck as she continues to give blood.

"Alright, Charlotte. This is it. You can't give any more." Carson says as he moves toward her.

"No. I'm good. I feel fine. I can give more. He needs it," Chuck protests.

"No you can't. It would be too dangerous for you."

Chuck reluctantly allows Carson to remove the needle and he begins to put the last of her blood into a sleeping Negan.

As Chuck gets up from her chair to stand over Negan, she is hit by a sudden bout of dizziness. Her knees buckle underneath her, but before she hits the ground, Simon's arms squeeze around her, stopping her.

"Put her in the bed," Carson says to Simon.

"I'm okay," Chuck tries to protest, but she knows she's weak. She allows Simon to set her in the empty bed beside Negan's. Simon looks over her and then to Carson for direction.

"She needs something to eat. Will you go to the kitchen and get her something?" Carson asks.

"Yeah sure. I'll be right back, angel," Simon squeezes her shoulder and leaves the room.

"You need to rest. I'll watch over him." Carson gives out a weary sigh and sits in a chair between the two beds.

Simon reenters with some food for Chuck and she props herself up to begin to eat.

"What happened to him?" Chuck asks Simon as she picks at the sandwich. She is still trying to keep it together, not wanting to break down in front of Carson and Simon.

"The guys said he dropped through the floor of a house and landed in the basement. They couldn't tell what he landed on, but they pulled a piece of metal out of his leg. They carried him back to the trucks and got him here as fast as they could." Simon moves to sit beside her bed.

"It wasn't an attack?"

"No. It was an accident," Simon clarifies.

Chuck finishes the rest of her food and turns to face Carson. "Is he going to be okay," Chuck breaks down in tears as soon as she utters the sentence. She can't hold it back anymore.

"Negan is tough as nails, angel. He'll be fine. Just you see." Simon rubs her arm in reassurance.

"I'm confident he will pull through, Charlotte. Don't worry and get some rest," Carson consoles.

 _Please don't die, Negan. I don't know what I would do if you left me. Please be okay. I would do anything for him to be okay..._


	13. Chapter 13

After a few hours, and with Negan still unconscious, Simon leaves to get some sleep. Chuck can see that Carson is exhausted, as well.

"Why don't you take the bed?" she says to Carson as she gets up.

"You should still be resting, Charlotte."

"I'm fine. I want to sit beside him, anyways." She moves slowly to the other side of Negan's bed as Carson lays down in the now vacant one. Chuck pulls a chair up to Negan's right and sits down in it, laying her head over his chest and staring at his face. She listens to his heart and feels his chest rise and fall with each breath. Her eyelids grow heavy, but she tries to fight it. Carson is snoring in the other bed already, so Chuck wants to stay awake in case something happens. It's a losing battle, though, and soon enough, sleep overcomes her.

Some time later, Chuck is awoken by the sensation of someone softly playing with her hair. She opens her eyes to see Negan staring back at her.

"Negan," she whispers excitedly as she moves closer to his face. She gives a quick look to the monitor before she shines her penlight in his eyes, rechecking his pupils.

"Fuck, sweetheart. That's bright as shit," Negan croaks out quietly and winces.

When she's confident that Negan is okay, she moves back to his face. She can't hold back her emotions any longer and she grabs his face, peppering it with kisses as tears stream down her cheeks.

"It's okay, baby girl," he coos as he brings his hands to her cheeks.

"I can't lose you Negan. You're all I have. I don't know what I would do without you. You can't leave me." She continues to caress his face and hair as her tears flow.

"I'm not going any-fuckin'-where, sweetheart." He sweeps the tears from her cheeks.

"You're my best friend, Negan. I love you." She brings her body down on top of his and hugs him. "I know you don't like to get really close to people, but I know we're friends. Even if you won't admit it. And I don't think I could go on without you."

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'm not going down that easily." He rubs her back softly as they stay in a hug for a few moments.

Sunlight starts to seep in through the window signifying that morning has come.

"Fuck."

"What?" Chuck moves to sit up on Negan's bed, wiping her cheeks of the last of her tears.

"Give me a radio."

Negan's louder voice causes Carson to wake up. He turns back to Negan and gets out of the bed. "Negan. You're awake-"

"I'm fine, doc. Chuck checked me out." He grasps the radio from Chuck's outstretched hand and calls out to Carson, "Infirmary is closed while I'm in here. Which hopefully won't be much longer." He brings the radio up to his mouth, but thinks better of it. He hands the radio back to Chuck. "Get Simon in here. Don't mention me over the line."

Chuck lifts the radio to her mouth and presses the button. "Simon. Could you please come to the infirmary, please." She tries to sound casual, but fails miserably causing Negan to let out a chuckle.

" _On my way,_ " Simon's voice comes through the speaker.

Carson clears his throat. "You can't just walk out of here, sir. You have to stay off your leg. Not only could you reopen your wound, but you also have an injury to your knee. You won't be able to put _any_ weight on your leg for several days and then you'll probably need crutches for a while after that, depending on how the swelling in your knee goes down."

"Motherfucker!" Negan growls out.

Simon makes his appearance and walks through the door a little out of breath.

"Fuck, man. You about made me shit my pants," Simon says with a relieved expression on his face as he looks at a conscious Negan.

"Get that fucker that got the freight elevator working and get him to do it again. But tell him we're getting some new fuckin' furniture on the top floor or some shit," Negan orders Simon. "You guys are gonna wheel my ass out of here in this bed. And please tell me you did what I planned," he directs at Simon.

"Yeah, boss. People will think you're on a run with TJ's group. I sent him and the guys to Rolling Acres, so no one here will see them. I already put it in the logs that you guys were going out further than normal on your run. That'll give you a few days before people here will really notice your absence. And I briefed the rest of the guys that were there. They won't say a word about what happened to anyone."

"I'm confused," Chuck pipes up. "Why are you lying about this?"

"I don't get hurt, sweetheart. No one here can fuckin' see me like this. It betrays the whole image," Negan explains and Chuck nods in understanding.

She knows that part of what keeps this place going is the fact that everyone puts their faith in Negan and his ability to lead. It does make sense that any major injury, like this one, could cause people to lose some of that faith.

It takes a while, but they get the elevator working. Simon and a few saviors in the loop clear all the hallways of people, saying they are transporting a prisoner, before they pass through with Negan's hospital bed, making sure no one sees their journey to the elevator. They get Negan into the elevator and up to his room with no problems. The men carefully transfer Negan to his own bed and take the hospital bed back to the infirmary.

After Negan gets settled, he turns to Chuck. "You're going to be my live in nurse. You can tend to whatever the fuck I need whenever the fuck I need it. I don't want the doc fuckin' coming in and out of here at all. It'll raise suspicion."

"Won't people notice that she's gone?" Simon asks as he gestures to Chuck.

Negan thinks a moment. "How do you feel about marriage, sweetheart?" Negan gives her a smirk.

"Uh..." Chuck isn't exactly enjoying being put on the spot like this. She especially isn't enjoying the three sets of eyes intently looking at her. "Is that- uh. Do I _have_ to?" She looks to Negan, whose face seems to fall slightly.

"No. You don't fuckin' _have_ to," he responds. "But it's an easy fuckin' explanation for why you'd move up here."

"Well," Chuck starts. "I'm sure no one will notice I'm not around, anyway. Without having to make an explanation. It's not like I really have any friends outside of the fifth floor. I'm pretty sure Dr. Carson is the only one downstairs that knows my name."

Negan shrugs, seemingly accepting Chuck's answer.

"I'd like to check you out myself, sir," Carson interjects.

"I trust Chuck's fuckin' abilities."

"I can call down to you if I need anything," Chuck says to the doctor. "We could use a dedicated channel so no one hears. Or I could use a code name or something."

"That sounds fuckin' good. Simon, you're gonna be 'in charge' for the next few days since I'm 'off site'." Negan uses airquotes to make sure his point is known. "We'll figure out what to do after that. Maybe I can just make some fuckin' appearances and shit. That might be enough to keep fuckers from running their mouths."

"You can still bark orders over the radio," Simon adds. "All the saviors would hear it and know you were here. And not dead."

"Yeah. I still want to show my handsome as fuck mug around the place, though." Negan pauses to gather his thoughts, then turns to Simon. "Go down with Chuck and help bring her shit up here. The doc can stay with me until you fuckin' get back."

Chuck and Simon obey the orders and make their way down to her room.

Simon opens the door and they enter Chuck's room. "You're making a habit of having to live with Negan, aren't you," Simon jokes, but his smile looks disingenuous.

"I suppose. Only this time, _I'm_ gonna take care of _him_. And that's probably gonna be more painful for me than getting stabbed was." Chuck chortles and starts to put all the items and clothing she thinks she'll need into her bags.

"Knowing Negan, you're probably right." They both chuckle.

"I know Negan probably doesn't tell you this as much as he should -or at all probably- but he's really lucky to have you, Simon," she says genuinely. "You do so much for him. And for this place."

"Yeah," Simon responds a bit bashfully. "I promised..." he sighed. "I promised Lucille I'd be there for him and I've never broken that promise."

"Oh? You were friends with her?"

"Yeah. The three of us were close for a lot of years."

"Oh. If you want to talk about her with me, you can."

Simon gives her a confused look.

"I'm not trying to be nosy, or anything. It's just that, I know Negan probably wouldn't let you talk about her. And _he_ definitely doesn't talk about her..."

"Why would I need to talk about her?" Simon asks with a confused look on his face.

"Because she was your friend. And you lost her, too. I'm sure that was painful for you. And keeping that pain bottled up isn't healthy. Trust me, I know."

He gives Chuck a look that she can't read. "Maybe someday I'll tell you about her." He shrugs and shifts his weight. Chuck can see that he is uncomfortable, so she doesn't press any further.

"I think I'm about done." She throws her diary, iPhone, and speaker into her bag and zips it up. "I don't know why Negan told you to come down here. I think I can manage this by myself." She holds her bag in one hand and her guitar in the other.

Simon laughs and grabs the bag from her, heading out the door with Chuck close behind. The pair quickly reenter Negan's room.

"Thanks, Simon." Chuck takes her bag and sets it on the couch along with her guitar.

"No problem, angel." Simon looks to Negan, then moves closer to his bedside.

Carson begins to go over Negan's medicines and aftercare with Chuck. She writes down the dosing schedule and asks him any lingering questions she has as Negan and Simon go over more details of what will happen with Negan being laid up. With all of that sorted, Carson and Simon exit the room, leaving Chuck and Negan by themselves.

"Fuck," Negan breathes out and rubs his hands down his face.

"Do you need something?" Chuck moves to stand beside Negan's bed.

"No." He lets out a sigh. "This shit shouldn't've fuckin' happened. I'm a fuckin' dumbass. I should've noticed the damn floor was rotted to shit."

"How it happened doesn't matter now. We just need to get you healthy. That's all that matters."

"Yeah..." He pauses and shifts in the bed. "Will you take these fuckin' pants off me? They're uncomfortable as fuck."

With all the commotion of the night and moving him all day, no one had thought to take the ruined garment off of him.

"Yeah. I'm just going to cut them the rest of the way off. I don't think they can be salvaged, anyway." She takes his belts off and cuts through the waistband of the pants from the cut already on his right pant leg. Then she gingerly pulls them off his other leg, making sure not to jostle him.

He sits up a little to take off his shirt. "Might as well get rid of those fuckin' boxers, too. If I'm gonna be on my ass for a while, I'm gonna be fuckin' comfortable."

"Uh... okay," she says with some nervousness.

"What? It's not like you haven't fuckin' seen my dick before."

"God, Negan." She lets out a shy laugh.

"Shit, Chuck. My dick has been fully inside you. I think the time to be fuckin' shy is long gone." He chuckles. "Besides, I used to always sleep buck ass naked before you came along. I fuckin' hate sleeping in my boxers."

"Oh. Why didn't you tell me that before?" She never wanted him to be uncomfortable because of her. She tentatively starts to remove his underwear, being extra careful with his right leg.

"You would've let me sleep with you naked before we started fucking?"

"No. I guess I wouldn't have. That would've been weird." She covers him back up with his sheet. "You know, I think I'm gonna need some help with you. I can't carry you to the bathroom by myself."

"Doc gave me a jug to piss in."

"Well, you're still going to have to go to the bathroom every once in a while. I'm not doing bedpans."

"You'll figure something out. You _are_ smart as fuck, remember." He gives her a smirk.

"Yeah, sure," Chuck mutters and lets out a yawn.

"Come here." Negan opens his sheet and pats the bed to his left. "You look tired as fuck. And the doc told me you donated some blood and that you really should be fuckin' resting. So get in here and take a nap."

"I'm fine. And I really should stay awake-"

"Nope. Get naked and lay your fine ass down next to me."

She does feel pretty tired, so she moves to the top of the bed. "I'm not taking my clothes off." She kicks her shoes off and lays down on the bed.

"Can't blame a guy for trying."

"Jeez, Negan. Even now you have a one track mind." She cuddles up to his left side and lets out another yawn. "You should get some sleep, too." She closes her eyes and almost immediately drifts off to sleep.

"Sweetheart," Negan says softly.

Chuck fully wakes up and looks to Negan. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. I would've let you sleep more but I'm getting hungry as fuck and I have to take a piss."

"I'm sorry." She scrambles to get off of him and hands him his "piss jug". "You don't need any help with that, right?"

He smirks at her and opens his mouth to say something.

"Never mind." She cuts him off. "I know you don't need help, so just hold on to whatever vulgar thing you were about to say." She giggles as she moves to go to the kitchen. "I'll get you one of those meal shake things. Dr. Carson doesn't want you eating anything heavy yet."

The next couple of days are taxing for Chuck, but she knows she has to keep it together for Negan. She is constantly running around, getting him water and food, bringing him paperwork to look over, keeping track of his medicines, and just making sure he's comfortable. It's exhausting.

She asks Negan if the wives can help her, but he refuses. He is very adamant that no one sees him in the state he's in. He allows Chuck to fill the wives in on that fact that he is there and injured, but tells her not to let them in to see him. They still want to help out, so they provide Negan and Chuck with food. The wives prepare the meals and Chuck brings them back to Negan.

Even though Negan insists that Chuck cuddles up to him during their down time, she tries to give him his space. She feels like if she is in the bed with him, he wouldn't really rest. She grabs a pillow and blanket and gets cozy on the couch with a book or her diary to try to force him to take it easy on his own. He tries to fight her on it, but he always gives in and takes a nap after he has his medicine.

Chuck even figures out a way to get Negan to the bathroom. He puts his arms around her shoulders in a modified piggyback ride. She gently props his injured right leg up, while Negan puts his good leg on the ground to take some of his weight off of Chuck's back when it becomes too much for her.

One night, Chuck comes back from clearing their dinner dishes and notices Negan's less than stellar body odor. "You're starting to smell pretty bad."

"Thanks a lot, sweetheart," Negan responds sarcastically.

"Well... You haven't showered in a while. You can't get your wound wet, so I think I'll get you in the tub and you can just sponge bathe yourself while I get some clean sheets on this bed. Because they are getting ripe, too."

"Shouldn't my personal live in fuckin' nurse be the one to give me a sponge bath?" he jokes.

She gives him an incredulous look as a response.

"You know, I took time out of my busy fuckin' schedule to clean you up when you were fuckin' laid up." He raises his eyebrows at her, trying to guilt her into bathing him.

"Yeah. But I couldn't lift my arm, though. You can. And I wasn't completely naked the whole time, either," she responds. "If you need help cleaning your feet, or something, then I'll help. But I think you can manage the rest of you."

She moves beside the bed and helps him get on her back, all the while listening to his over dramatic huffs of disapproval. She drags him close to the tub. "Okay, I'll hold you up while you get your good leg in there." It's a bit awkward, but she gets him in the tub and gathers all the supplies he would need to get clean. She leaves to change out the bed linens then reenters the bathroom to check on Negan several minutes later.

"You all done?" she asks.

"No. I didn't wash my fuckin' hair, yet. This is awkward as fuck, you know," he grumbles as he struggles with the bucket of water.

"Alright, alright. I'll help." Chuck helps him lean back and takes the bucket to wet his hair. She squeezes his shampoo into her hands and begins to work it through his locks, massaging his scalp.

"Fuck, that feels good." Negan breathes out.

She continues to work her fingers through his greasy hair avoiding the small wound on his scalp, only pausing when he lets out a grunt. She thinks that she may have hurt him, but one glance down tells her that's not the case.

"Stop it, Negan." She tries to stifle a giggle as she notices that Negan is starting to get hard. "I can see that you're getting excited, so just stop it."

"What? That shit you're doing feels great. I can't fuckin' help it." He lets out a small moan.

"Ok. I'm rinsing now!" she calls out quickly before he can get any more aroused.

He lets out a groan of frustration when her fingers leave his scalp and she rinses the suds from his hair.

"There's nothing you would be able to do with that thing anyway. You could open your stitches if you get too, uh... vigorous." She can feel her cheeks redden. No matter how comfortable she is with Negan, she would still blush when it came to talking about sex.

"Shit, baby. I think _you_ could be gentle."

"Me?!" she squeaks out in surprise. She had never given Negan a handjob and is nervous at the thought that she might not do it as well as any of his wives. Or any of the plethora of other women that she's sure had their hands on him. "You need to think about baseball or something because that's not gonna happen any time soon." She tosses a towel into his lap and begins to dry his hair with another one.

With Negan mostly dry, Chuck gets him back into the bed. She grabs a book for him to read while she takes her own shower before bed.

— Negan's POV —

I watch Chuck grab her clothes and go into the bathroom to take a shower. It would've been fuckin' nice of her to leave the door open, give me a bit of a fuckin' show, but she didn't. I pick up the book that Chuck threw down on the bed and laugh out loud as I read the title.

"The Soul of the Fearless Wave?" I say to myself. One look at the cover and I can tell it's a fucking harlequin romance novel. She did that shit on purpose. Very funny, Chuck. I flip through it to see if I can find a fucking sex scene, but I get interrupted by a knock on the door.

" _It's Simon,_ " he says from the other side of the door.

"Get in here."

Simon comes in and stands by my bed. "How ya feeling, brother?"

"Sore as fuck. But not fuckin' dead, so that's a plus."

"Where's Chuck?"

"Taking a shower."

His eyes go to the bathroom, then to the pillow and blanket on the couch. I know what he's fuckin' thinking. He's thinking about her sleeping on the fucking couch while she is taking care of me. Instead of sleeping _with_ me. And I can see the fuckin' relief on his face.

He always knew she slept up here, but I never once said that she sleeps in my fuckin' bed. Or that I've fucked her. And I'm not gonna fuckin' correct him on his assumption, either. I do not want to get into that shit with him right now. And it most certainly would be a fuckin' mountain of shit because he's in fucking love with her.

I always fuckin' suspected it, but now I'm goddamn fuckin' sure of it. All because he slipped up and called her "angel" the other day. It was the first fuckin' time I heard him say it to her. And I know what that fuckin' word means to him. He used to call _her_ that. The only other woman I've heard him call that.

Simon looks back to me and starts. "So, TJ and his guys came back from Rolling Acres and we have an alibi set up for you. We're going to tell all the saviors that you need to stay at Rolling Acres to start to get it up and running. They shouldn't question why you'd need to be there since it's the newest outpost and we haven't really done much with it yet. The few guys that are already at the RA outpost are loyal, you know that. They'd do whatever you ask of them, no questions asked. So we spun a story to them that you have some super secret project and they need to cover for you. Say that you've been staying there and shit. That way, you can run shit here over the radio and pretend you're there, since it's in radio range from here. It's all plausible and no one should question your absence for the week or so you'll be down."

"That sounds fuckin' good."

The bathroom door starts to open and out comes my girl, smelling sweet as all fuck.

— —

Chuck finishes her shower, dries off, and gets dressed in a tank top and sleep shorts. After running a comb through her damp hair, she comes back out to the bedroom. Unaware of Simon's presence, she lets out a little yip when she sees him standing beside the bed.

"Oh! Hey, Simon." The shock of seeing him at that moment makes her tone sound overly excited. She is suddenly very aware of the fact that she's not exactly dressed.

"Hey, kiddo." Simon shifts his weight and scratches his head.

"Do you need me to, uh, leave? I don't want to interrupt official business, or anything." Chuck crosses her arms over her chest and flits her gaze between the two men.

"Uh, no. I was just leaving." Simon turns to leave the room. "Goodnight, uh, Chuck." He looks back to her, then nods at Negan. "Negan." He leaves the room and closes the door behind him.

Chuck stands in the middle of the floor for a few moments before she moves closer to the bed, Negan following her with his eyes the whole time.

"Did you like the book?" She giggles and waits for Negan's response.

"I couldn't fuckin' put it down. I'd be halfway through it if Simon hadn't've shown up."

"Shut up." She laughs. "That book is horrible. It uses the phrase 'throbbing member' like a million times."

Negan smiles wide at her. "Chuck, are you a dirty girl? Reading smutty shit? Did you flick your bean to this?"

"Please." She looks unimpressed. "That is the least sexy thing I've ever read. And I routinely read medical textbooks about infections." She chortles. "Trust me, that book did not make my 'nethers quiver', which is another overused phrase, by the way." She starts to turn off the lights in the room as they both laugh.

"Why the fuck did you read it then?"

"I got bored out of my mind when I lived up here the first time, so I read a bunch of stuff when you weren't here." She gets into bed beside Negan. "But I think the more important question is, why did _you_ have that book in _your_ collection?"

"This shit was in _my_ collection? Shit. I guess I should go through it more closely. I can't be fuckin' seen with this shit. It's embarrassing." He tosses the book out of the bed as Chuck turns her bedside light off, leaving only the moonlight through the windows to slightly brighten the room. The pair move around a bit, trying to get comfortable.

"So... since when does Simon call you 'angel'?" Negan asks casually as he pulls Chuck into his side.

"Hmm. I don't know. I think he always did. He calls me that or kiddo."

"Hmm..."

"Why do you ask?"

"No reason." He pauses. "Who called you 'Chuck' first? It seems kinda weird to call a fuckin' girl that."

"Actually, there's a whole story behind it." She shifts so she can see his face more easily. "And my mom loved telling it so I've heard it a million times. When my mom was pregnant with me, she wanted me to be a boy. She _only_ wanted a boy and she was 100 percent sure that I was gonna be one. She had the name Charles picked out pretty much from the second she thought she was pregnant, too. Had her heart set on having a 'baby Charlie'. So when my parents found out I was a girl, 'Charles' became 'Charlotte'. When I was born, my dad kept calling me 'Chuck' as a joke, and it just kinda stuck. They never really called me anything but 'Chuck'. Unless I was in trouble. If I heard a 'Charlotte' from my mom, then I knew I messed up." She giggles. "But my uncle always called me 'Chucky'." She smiles at the memory.

Negan chuckles at her. "That is cute. as. fuck."

Chuck giggles. "I guess. What about you? I don't even know your first name. Why do you only go by 'Negan'? I saw your first initial on paperwork in high school once, so I know your name starts with an 'A'."

His smile drops and he lets out a heavy breath. "My story isn't fucking cute."

"Oh?" She can tell that he doesn't want to talk about it, but she wants to keep the conversation open. She wants him to know that he can talk about anything with her, without trying to push him into it.

"My name... My _birth_ name..." He lets out a sigh. "I was named after my piece of shit father. He was a fuckin' violent drunk. And a truly evil man. Beat the shit outta me and my mom all the fuckin' time. But she always got it worse. He'd make me watch what he did to her. The shit he did..." He wipes his face with his free hand. "He made me watch him rape her. Almost every damn night. Told me that was how men were supposed to treat women... But I knew better. The way my mom fuckin' looked when he had his goddamn hands on her told me that wasn't how it was supposed to fuckin' be."

Chuck moves her hand around him and hugs him lightly. "Oh my god... That's so horrible."

"Yeah." He continues. "He went too far one night when I was thirteen and beat the living fuck out of her... and me. When he bolted, I ran three and a half miles with four broken ribs to the nearest neighbor and told them that my father just killed my mom."

Chuck lets out a gasp and Negan hugs her a little closer.

"My neighbors called the cops and shit." He takes in a deep breath and exhales. "The cops arrested him and he got sent to prison. As far as I know, he's still there. I fuckin' hope they left him in his cell to starve to fuckin' death and turn into one of those dead pricks." He rubs Chuck's arm as she hugs him tighter. "Anyway. I went into fuckin' foster care after that. And the day I was handed my mom's ashes was the day I swore I would never utter my father's fuckin' name again. So I always went by my fuckin' middle name, Egan. That was my grandma's maiden name. And that's what my mom wanted to name me before my father wanted a fuckin' _Junior_." He lets out a sigh. "My fuckin' school wouldn't let me just use my middle name, I guess, so they made me sign papers and shit with my first initial. N. So I wrote N Egan on all my papers and fuckin' scribbled that fuck's last name so I wouldn't have to fuckin' look at it. Eventually, people just started to call me Negan. When I turned eighteen, I legally changed my name."

"Jeez." She thinks about all the information that Negan had just told her. "You were alone that young?" Chuck asks softly. "I'm so sorry, Negan." Her voice is choked with emotion.

He shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant, but Chuck can see the pain he is trying to mask in his face.

"So what's the 'A' stand for, then?" she changes the subject back to his name.

"Well, I wanted to be just 'Negan'. One fuckin' name. But they wouldn't let me do that, so I had to pick something." He lets out a low laugh. "I made 'Negan' my last name and picked 'Alex' as a first name. Which was what I called my first dog.

"You picked your dog's name?"

"Yup."

"You 'Indiana Jones-ed it?"

He chuckles. "Yeah, I guess. But I never go by that name. Shit, I don't think anyone has ever even called me that. At least not more than once. I'm just Negan. Especially fuckin' now."

Chuck leans up to place a kiss on Negan's cheek.

He turns to look at her. "What was that for?"

"I don't know. I just wanted to do it."

He blinks at her then cups her cheek as he kisses her sweetly. He places his forehead on hers and stays there with his eyes closed, softly rubbing his thumb on her cheek.

"Goodnight, Negan," she whispers.

"Goodnight, baby."

A few more days pass and Negan begins to get restless. Chuck tries her best to keep him comfortable and happy, but it is a struggle.

"Do you want to listen to some music?" she asks as she moves toward Negan's stereo. "I could put a record on or you can go through the music on my phone. I brought up a speaker for it. I'm sure you'll like some of the songs I have." She shrugs and waits for his answer.

"Yeah. Sure," he grumbles.

Chuck digs the phone out of her bag, unlocks it, and hands it to Negan for him to browse her music collection. She digs through her bag again for the speaker and sets it up on her bedside table. She looks back over to Negan and sees that he has a big smile on his face.

"What are you smiling at? Is my taste in music that bad?" she asks and crawls onto the bed beside him. She goes to look at her screen but he turns it away from her. "What?" She furrows her brow at him.

He smirks and continues to swipe his finger over the screen. "You got any nudies on here?"

"Hey!" She tries to grab her phone but he keeps it out of her reach. "You're supposed to be looking at music, not my pictures."

He turns the phone around to show Chuck a picture of her and her mom making a goofy face. "This shit is cute as fuck, sweetheart."

She giggles and takes the phone from him. She scoots closer to Negan and rests her head on his shoulder as she holds the phone out in front of them.

"My mom always wanted to take selfies with me. I hated doing it because I never look good in pictures, but she insisted." She flips through some more pictures of her and her mom, as well as pictures of her old apartment and the city she used to live in, all the while explaining to Negan what they are. She gets to a picture of her parents when they were young and pauses.

"That your dad?"

"Yeah. I remember when my mom sent this to me. She found it when she was cleaning the attic and texted it to me. It was right after I graduated college and moved into my apartment in the city." Chuck laughed sadly at the memory. "She told me that he'd be proud of me."

"How did he, uh... go?" Negan asks as politely as he can muster.

"Car accident. Drunk driver was going the wrong way on the freeway... I was eight."

"Shit. I knew he had passed, but I didn't know it was when you were that fuckin' young?"

"Yeah." She swallows thickly. "He was awesome. From what I remember, anyway. He's the one that taught me how to play chess. Not that I was any good when I was little." She chuckles at the good memories. "I didn't even play for a few years after he died. Then my mom and I picked it back up, kinda to honor him."

"I see where you got that hair from, now." He picks up a stray lock of her hair and twirls it in his finger.

She laughs. "Yeah. I got his looks, unfortunately."

"Nah. I think you look like your mom, too. But you definitely got his red fuckin' hair."

"It's strawberry blonde."

"What the fuck ever you call it, I like it."

"Really?" Her cheeks blush. She wants to change the subject so Negan won't see how his compliment affects her. "I'm a lot like my dad. He was the shy one. And the nerdy one. He used to read me Lord of the Rings before bed." She chuckles. "You can also blame him for my clumsiness."

There's a moment of silence between the two of them. Negan brings his arm around Chuck and lays his hand on her hip.

"I tried to teach Lucille how to play chess, but she just could _not_ wrap her fuckin' head around it." He lets out a sigh. "She liked hearing about _our_ games, though. I'd come home and she'd say, 'How'd my girl do today?', and I'd say, 'She kicked my fuckin' ass' or 'I got her good today'."

"Really?" Chuck didn't know that Lucille ever even thought about her.

"Yeah." He rubs Chuck's arm. "She was the most graceful fuckin' thing I've ever seen. She danced ballet. Got really big into it in college. The first time I saw her on stage, I swear my fuckin' heart stopped. I asked her out the next day."

Chuck smiles. "I would've liked to have seen her dance. I wish I had known her better."

"She really liked you. But she got along with every-fuckin'-body. She'd strike up conversations with anyone. She loved people. I never had as much faith in them as she did."

"She was a good person."

Negan lets out a laugh as if he remembered something funny. "She had the worst sense of fuckin' humor ever." He continues to laugh and Chuck joins in. "She would make these horrible fuckin' jokes and just crack herself up. I'd end up fuckin' laughing at how stupid it was." His laugh drifts off and a look of sadness creeps over his face.

Chuck turns to hug him and the pair stay that way for a while, in the comfort of each other's arms.

Several more days pass and Negan starts to walk around. He has a limp and only uses the crutches sparingly, but is getting stronger. One day, Chuck calls down to Carson and tells him that she thinks that Negan's stitches can come out. Carson concurs and Chuck plans on removing them.

She had already gotten everything ready to take the stitches out when Negan decides that he needs to use the bathroom first. As she waits for Negan to return, she looks out the window.

"It's looking black over Will's mum's," Chuck says almost to herself.

Negan leaves the bathroom and walks past Chuck to the bed. "What?" Negan groans as he sets himself in the bed. "Did you say something?"

She turns around to come to the side of the bed. "It's looking dark over Will's mum's."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

Chuck leans over him to start removing the stitches. "It means that there are storm clouds approaching outside." She giggles at the face he makes.

"What kinda fuckin' saying is that?"

"I don't know. My mom used to always say it. I think it's an old British saying." She looks up at his face for a moment. "My mom's grandparents were from England," she further explains.

Negan chuckles at her as she finishes removing his stitches.

"It looks like it won't scar too bad." She stands up fully beside the bed after she examines his now stitch free thigh.

Negan suddenly throws his arms around her and pulls her into his lap, her legs straddling his thighs.

"Negan!" she yelps. "What are you doing?"

He runs his hands over her hips and up her torso. "Come on. It's been like two fuckin' weeks. I'm dying over here." He rakes his eyes up and down her body. "Since I can't rip out my stitches because there _aren't_ anymore fuckin' stitches to rip, why don't we have some fucking fun?" He pulls her face toward his and kisses her, quickly building a heat between them.

"Negan." She pulls back. "Are you sure you're up for this?"

"Oh. I'm very _up_ for this." He wiggles his eyebrows as Chuck tries to hold back a smile. "My dick. I'm talking about my dick. It's definitely up for this. _Up_."

"Yeah. I get it. Real smooth, Negan," she jokes and takes off her shirt.

"Well, my corny jokes always seem to get you fuckin' naked." He smirks and begins to unbutton her jeans as she laughs.

She stands up to take the rest of her clothes off as Negan lays down fully. She climbs onto the bed and straddles him, hovering over him. "I don't want to hurt you-"

"Don't fuckin' worry." He places his hand on the back of her head and pulls her down for another kiss. "I'm fine."

She relaxes and puts more of her weight on him, rubbing her hands over his chest and softly grinding her hips into his. She bends down to place hot kisses to his neck and chest as he runs his hands up her back. Her lips meet with his in a passionate kiss, his fingers snaking through her hair as she writhes on top of him.

Chuck sits up on his pelvis and softly scratches her fingers through his chest hair and over his stomach.

"Fuck, baby. Stop teasing me." Negan runs his hands up her thighs and squeezes them with a groan.

"I'm sorry," she giggles as she lightly runs her fingers over his hard flesh in front of her and softly strokes him.

"Fuuuuuck," he groans. "Goddamnit. Let me fuckin' feel you before I explode."

She chuckles at how much he's begging her, but decides not to deny him, or herself, any longer. She guides his cock to her entrance and slowly lowers herself onto him, making sure not to seem too eager. She won't admit it to him, but she's probably just as excited as he is to be able to engage in this particular activity with him again.

"Mmm," she moans as he stretches her gloriously.

"Fuck." He rubs his hands up and down her torso, grasping her breasts and pinching her nipples as he squeezes them.

"Ouch!" She slaps his hands away. "Not so rough!"

"Sorry, baby. I'm fuckin' excited! And your tits look goddamn amazing." He sets his hands on her waist instead.

She begins to move her hips forward and backward, slowly riding him as she runs her hands up his chest to his shoulders. This isn't a position that they have ever used before, so Chuck is just doing what feels good to her. She hopes that Negan is enjoying it, too.

"Fuck, I have missed this." He grasps her hips and starts to push and pull them, getting her to speed up her pace.

"It hasn't been that long," she teases through heavy breaths. She leans forward, cradling her arms around his head as she continues to move herself up and down on him.

"It's been too fucking long." He starts to thrust his hips into hers, quickening their pace.

"Is this good for you?" Chuck asks when her insecurity spikes.

"Fuck yes. You feel so fucking good." He brings his hand to the back of her head and threads his fingers through her hair.

"Mmm. God, Negan." She rests her forehead on his and runs her fingers over his jaw. She can't hold back her moans as Negan turns his head and puts his lips on her neck, placing sloppy kisses all over her skin.

He wraps his arms around her torso and holds her to him tightly as he thrusts deeply into her.

"Goddamnit, baby," he whispers into her ear. The groans and grunts coming out of his mouth send a wave of arousal straight to her core.

"Don't stop, Negan," she mewls. Her thighs start to shake as her walls tighten around him. She pushes herself up and arches her back as her orgasm rolls through her, with a breathy moan leaving her lips. Her fingers curl into fists on his chest and her hips buck sharply out of her control as waves of pleasure crash over her.

Negan lets her ride out her orgasm before he pulls out and releases on her stomach with a loud groan. She collapses on top of him, a heaving, sweaty mess.

"Motherfuck... You didn't last very long." His chest rumbles with a laugh beneath her.

"Neither did you," she returns with a chuckle.

Negan turns them over so he is on top of her. "I'll clean us up," he says and starts to get off the bed.

"No. I can do it." She sits up.

"I should fucking do it. After all the shit I put you through taking care of me." He kisses her softly on the head and heads toward the bathroom.

"Yeah. You're right," she jokes and lays back down.

He comes back out with a hand towel and cleans her off, throwing the towel into his hamper afterward. He slides onto the bed beside her to her right and runs his fingers over her smooth skin from her belly button to between her breasts and up to cradle her neck. She turns to face him, bringing her own hand up to cradle his cheek.

"How did you get this?" she asks as she traces the long scar running from his temple to his cheekbone on the right side of his face. "Did you get it after the turn?"

"No. I've had it for years. Since I was young and fuckin' stupid."

"I never noticed it before," she muses. "I bet it was a bar fight, wasn't it? Someone break a bottle over your head?" she jokes.

"No. It's fuckin' stupider than that."

"Hmm." She thinks of another explanation. "Motorcycle crash?"

"Nope."

"Angry husband catch you with his wife and he pulled a knife on you?"

He lets out a booming laugh. "Nope. Seriously. It's stupid as fuck."

"Well, tell me."

He lets out a huff showing his displeasure in telling the story. "My buddies and I got drunk at a college party and I fell through a window."

"You fell through a window? Like in a fight? Someone pushed you?"

"No. I literally just fell through it on my own. I fuckin' tripped over my own feet."

Chuck begins to laugh. "You're right. That is pretty stupid." Her expression turns more pensive as she continues to trace the scar.

"What?" he asks when he notices the change.

"Are you going to go on more scavenging runs after you heal up?"

"Probably not. That shit that happened was stupid. I'll just stick to the fuckin' pickups."

"How dangerous are those?"

"You worried about me, sweetheart?" he says with a grin.

"Yes. Of course, I am. I want you to be safe."

He brings her into a tight hug and kisses the top of her head.

"Don't worry, baby girl. They're perfectly safe. And I only make appearances to the communities when I fuckin' need to. You know, when they fuck up."

"Can you promise me that you won't ever get hurt?"

"You know I can't _promise_ that." He rubs her back in reassurance. "But this was a one time thing. A fuckin' dumb mistake that won't happen again. Okay? Don't worry about me."

"I'm always going to worry when you leave."

"Because you _love_ me so much," he jokes.

"Don't tease." She pulls back and playfully hits his shoulder. "You know what I meant when I said that. You're like my family."

"Gross, Chuck. We just _fucked_ , you know? Not exactly family behavior." He smirks.

"Jeez. It's not like that." She rubs her face in embarrassment. "It's different, I guess. I don't know. I guess we just have a complicated relationship. I can't explain it."

"I can. You're in love with me," he teases again as he pushes her back down on the bed and climbs on top of her.

"I am not." She protests with a huff.

"You love the shit outta me." He peppers her face with kisses as she begins to giggle.

"Stop!" She laughs. "If I were so in love with you, why would I let you sleep with the wives?"

"Oh, you _let_ me?" He lets out a low chuckle.

"Shut up." She runs her hands through his hair. "I'm just about as in love with you as you are with me, I'm sure."

Negan brings his mouth down to hers, kissing her hard. The conversation is all but forgotten as the heat begins to build between the two again.


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning, Chuck gathers with everyone else for Negan's "homecoming". She watches him give his speech to all the workers and saviors and she's genuinely impressed with the way he looks. He acts like nothing had ever happened to him. More importantly, it seems to Chuck like all the people around her believe that nothing had happened. And all the lies he told about where he was seemed plausible enough that everyone bought into it.

Chuck meets back up with Negan in his apartment some time later after his speech.

"I'm probably going to be in meetings all fuckin' day, so I won't be here for dinner tonight," Negan says as he lounges on his couch.

"Okay. I'll probably eat with the wives, then." Chuck begins to gather her things and puts them in her bag so she can move back to her room.

"You in a fuckin' hurry to get out of here?"

"No." She looks up from her bag to see his flat expression. "I'm not in a hurry. I just figured it was time for me to move back. You looked really good out there, today. You don't need my help anymore."

He lets out a huff. "You want me to fuckin' call someone to help you carry that shit downstairs?"

"No. I can get it."

"Ok." He groans as he stands from the couch. "I gotta go meet Simon on the second floor. Fuck, I can't wait to get through this fuckin' day of goddamn meetings." He walks to the door. "Remind me never to take a fucking two week vacation ever again."

"Oh, it was a vacation, now?" Chuck teases.

"Well, I got waited on by a hot ass chick the whole time. Sounds like a vacation to me."

"If you had that hot chick around, why was _I_ up here?" she jokes.

"Very cute, Chuck," he says sarcastically. "Fuck!" He snaps his fingers as if he had just remembered something. "I should've made you wear a hot nurse costume. I'm a fuckin' idiot." He gives her a smirk as he goes through the door.

She chuckles. "See you later."

Chuck finishes packing her things up and takes them back to her room. She stops by the infirmary to see if Carson needs her for anything, but he has everything under control. She is unsure of what to do with her newfound free time, so she walks around aimlessly for a while, avoiding going outside because it looks like it might start to rain any second. Eventually, she decides to go back upstairs to visit with the wives.

"Hello, Chuck," Kayla says cheerily as she comes in for a hug as soon as Chuck enters the room.

"Hey, guys."

Sherry and Amber are sitting on one couch. It looks as if Amber had been crying and Sherry is trying to console her. Frankie and Tonya are on another couch reading. They all look up to Chuck and greet her.

"Are you okay, Amber?" Chuck asks earnestly.

"Yeah. I just don't feel very good. It's not serious, though," Amber answers quietly.

"Are you sure?" Chuck moves to her and checks her forehead for a fever. She doesn't feel hot, which is a good sign. Chuck knows that Amber has some issues with stress and figures that that is the reason she doesn't feel good. "If you still feel bad tomorrow, I want you to go to the infirmary. Just to make sure it's not serious, okay?"

" _You'll_ be there tomorrow?" Amber asks.

"Yeah. I'll be there."

"Okay." Amber gives her a small smile as Chuck sits down beside her.

"Are you having dinner with us tonight?" Frankie asks.

"I can. If you'll have me," Chuck replies.

"You're always welcome here," Sherry says.

The women begin to socialize before Sherry calls down to the kitchen to get their dinners. After they eat, Amber goes to bed and the rest of the women settle into the sitting area.

"You have such gorgeous hair," Tonya says as she stands behind where Chuck is sitting and runs her fingers through her strawberry blonde waves. "You're a natural redhead. Not like Frankie."

"Whatever, bitch. I'll keep coloring it as long as they keep getting me the dyes." She shrugs and laughs, with Tonya joining in.

"I'm not really a redhead, though. It's strawberry blonde."

"That's red, sweetie." Tonya fake whispers.

"You sound like my mom. She always called me ginger and I hated it. I begged her to let me dye my hair in school, but she never did. I always wanted to go platinum."

"No! Embrace this shit. You look good," Tonya comments.

"Yeah. You're super cute with your freckles and red hair. I'd kill for that," Kayla adds.

"You do need a trim, though." Tonya holds the ends of Chuck's hair up to her eyes, inspecting them for splits.

"Would you, please? I'd love a healthy trim," Chuck responds. "It's been... god, forever."

Tonya lets out an excited squeal and gets all the stuff ready to cut Chuck's hair. She pulls out a chair in the middle of the floor and tells Chuck to sit.

"How much do you want me to cut? Do you want an all new style...?" Tonya continues to play with her hair as she speaks.

"No. Just a trim. I like to keep it long."

Tonya starts to clip the hair with the other women looking on and conversing with one another.

"Are you staying up here permanently now?" Kayla asks Chuck.

"No. I just moved my stuff back downstairs today, actually."

"You know we would've liked to have seen more of you while you were living only a few doors down." Tonya's tone is one of fake offense. "You know. More than you just picking up food."

"Sorry. I was kinda busy waiting on Negan hand and foot," Chuck jokes causing the women to chuckle.

"I bet he was a big baby, too," Frankie adds.

"What the fuck is going on in here?" Negan's booming voice called out from the doorway startling the women and causing them to turn to him. "How much are you cutting off her fuckin' hair?" Negan growls with a bit of anger as he approaches Chuck and Tonya.

"I'm just giving her a trim. Chill out. She has split ends." Tonya explains.

"Don't you fucking cut too much of it off," Negan demands.

"If it's all the same to you, _Negan_ , I think I'll do whatever Chuck wants. It's _her_ hair." Tonya and Negan share a tense look for a moment.

"Uh. She's just giving me a trim. I didn't want too much cut off and she's doing a good job," Chuck says of Tonya, trying to ease the tension.

Negan looks down to Chuck then turns to walk out of the room.

"Don't fuck her hair up," he calls out as he crosses the doorway.

The women all look around to each other in confusion as Chuck feels her cheeks start to redden in embarrassment.

"What the fuck was that all about?" Tonya exclaims. "He's literally never cared how I've cut any of your hair before." She refers to the other wives.

All of the women seem to settle their gaze on Chuck, waiting for an explanation.

"I have no idea. He must be in a bad mood from his meetings." Chuck shrugs her shoulders. "I'm sorry, Tonya."

"You don't have to apologize," Tonya says and gets back to cutting Chuck's hair. "You don't have to answer for him. We all know he can be an asshole."

"That was out of line. Even for him," Sherry begins. "Don't let him try to control you like that, Chuck. It's not right."

Chuck shoots Sherry a look of confusion. "I don't think that's what he was doing."

 _I don't really know what he was doing, but I don't think he was just trying to be controlling... That would be kinda weird._

Sherry looks uncertain of Chuck's words.

"He's probably just cranky. It's his first real day back, right? He's probably tired," Kayla offers.

The women are mostly silent for the rest of the time that Tonya works on Chuck's hair.

"All done," Tonya says as she starts to gather her things.

Chuck runs her hands through her newly trimmed hair. It still lays well past her shoulders, but has new layers that make it lay much better. "This feels great. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Are you gonna go see why Negan has a stick up his ass?"

"Ugh." Chuck lets out a sigh. "I guess I should," she says in an unenthusiastic tone. Chuck and the women bid their farewells and she makes her way to Negan's room.

Chuck taps on his bedroom door and starts to open it slowly. "Negan?"

" _Yeah?_ " comes his reply.

She enters the room and sits on the couch beside him. He's going over some notebooks with a tired look on his face. He doesn't even look up at her.

"You okay?" she asks.

"Yeah," he says tersely.

"How were the meetings?"

"Fine."

"Okay..."

She sits beside him silently for a few minutes, unsure if she should just leave him alone. Eventually, she decides to leave him be and gets up from the couch.

"I like your fuckin' hair," he says abruptly.

"Thanks." A smile creeps across her face as she turns back to him. "Tonya did a good-"

"I mean, I liked it _before_ ," he interrupts, his gaze still firmly planted on his notebooks.

Chuck is gobsmacked for a few moments, just staring at Negan's flat expression as he focuses on his books. "Really, Negan?" she asks indignantly when she gets her words back. She walks back over to him with her arms crossed. "It's not any different now. Not that you even looked at it."

He finally looks up to her, lifting his glasses to rest on his head, and sits up. He raises his hand to twirl one of her curls in his finger, as if he were testing it out.

Chuck furrows her brow at him. "I'm sorry I didn't fill out the right paperwork and get the proper requisition to have my _own_ hair cut," she says sarcastically.

He takes his glasses off his head and throws them on the coffee table. "Don't be a smartass." He stands up to take his jacket off. "I like your hair long. Fuckin' sue me," he says as he turns back around to face her. He seems to notice her unimpressed expression and lets out a sigh. "Don't cut all your hair off. _Please_." He emphasizes the word. Not in a condescending way, but in a way that makes it seem like he's swallowing his pride.

Chuck appreciates the gesture. "I won't ever cut it all off. Because _I_ like my hair long, too."

"Good." He begins to take off more of his clothes. "I'm fuckin' tired so I'm going to bed." He lets out a groan as he sits on the bed to take his pants off.

"Is your leg sore?"

"I'll live." He pulls the pants off his legs and then his underwear. He looks to Chuck who is still standing by the couch. "You coming to bed or are you too pissed at me?"

"I'm not mad- I didn't know if you wanted me to join you or not," she says and comes forward. She takes off her own clothes and gets into the bed after him. Chuck isn't sure exactly when it happened, but somehow Negan convinced her that sleeping completely naked was the most comfortable way to sleep. It only takes a few minutes after they get into their positions before Negan starts to softly snore. Chuck falls asleep soon after.

Chuck jerks herself awake some time later as the last vestige of whatever dream she was having fades away in her mind. She lets out a sigh as she closes her eyes to try to get back to sleep.

"Did you cum?" Negan's gravelly voice comes from behind her, his arm still draped over her side.

"What?" Chuck is still half asleep and thoroughly confused.

"Whatever sex dream you were having sounded fuckin' awesome. Did it make you cum?"

Chuck wakes up a little more and finally processes what he is talking about. She can practically hear the smirk in his voice. "Shut up, Negan. I wasn't having a sex dream."

"Oh, I fuckin' _know_ you were. Want me to fuckin' check to see if you're wet?" he teases.

"God, Negan. I was fast asleep." Chuck lets out a yawn. "You're just trying to get me going because _you're_ ready to go. Don't think I can't feel you against me." She pushes her butt back slightly into his hard flesh behind her.

"I'm only 'ready to go' because you were fuckin' making sex noises and writhing around." He moves her hair to put his mouth to her ear and whispers, "And moaning my name." He slowly moves his hand down her stomach and traces through her red curls. "You want me to stop?"

She thinks for a second. She's tired, but she is quickly getting turned on. And she can feel that she is already wet. Negan must've been right about her having a sex dream. Not that Chuck would tell him that. "No. Keep going."

Negan slowly runs his fingers through her damp folds, letting out a deep chuckle. He brings his fingers up to show Chuck her own wetness.

"What's all this?" Negan teases as he wiggles his glistening fingers in front of her.

"Shut up." Chuck playfully swats his hand away and moves her leg back over Negan's hip, opening herself up to him.

"Mmm. That's my good girl," Negan growls in her ear. He wastes no time and enters her from behind, starting up a lazy rhythm. His hands softly caress her curves as she lets out small whimpers and whines.

"God, Negan," she pants. She brings her hand back to run through his hair as he begins to place kisses on her neck and jaw.

"Fuck. Your pussy is fucking amazing." He quickens his pace and begins to circle her clit with his fingers.

Chuck lets out a quiet cry as she feels that familiar tingle start to build. Her hips move automatically into his, drawing him further into her tightening walls.

"Can I cum inside?" Negan asks between grunts.

"No. Pull out," Chuck answers quickly.

Negan doubles his efforts on her sensitive bud, making her moan loudly between pants. She knows she is about to cum, but she tries to hold off to prolong it.

"Fuck, Chuck. I'm close. You gotta cum now."

His words send her over the edge, her walls pulsating around him as her hips wildly buck.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fucking shit!" He pulls out before she is even done with her own climax, spilling onto her backside and thighs.

Her whole body buzzes as she comes down from her powerful orgasm. She feels Negan wiping off her back and pulling her tightly into his chest.

"Go back to sleep, baby," he whispers in her ear and gives her a kiss on the temple.

The next day, Chuck is finishing up the inventory in the infirmary when she hears the door open.

"Hello, Amber," Carson greets almost anxiously. "What can I help you with?"

"Uh. Could I please speak with Chuck? Alone," Amber requests in a quiet voice.

"Alright." Carson's tone is unsure. "I'll be back in later. Call me if you need me." He grabs his radio and leaves the room.

"Hop up on the table," Chuck says to Amber. "Still not feeling well?"

Amber is already trying to hold back tears. "I-I think I'm pregnant." As soon as she gets the words out, she begins to sob.

"Hey." Chuck pushes away her own shock at Amber's words and gives her a tight hug. "It's okay. There's nothing to be scared about. Carson has delivered babies before. And Kayla will help out." She pulls back. "Let's take a test and make sure. When was your last period?"

"Over three months ago. Me and... Negan. Uh. We had a condom break about three months ago."

"Condom?" Chuck asks before she really thinks about it. She had no idea that The Sanctuary even had condoms. She never really thought to ask Negan about it.

"Yeah. The condoms Negan always uses. And one... broke."

"Oh." That is news to Chuck.

 _Negan's never worn a condom with me. He's never even mentioned them. That's kinda weird._

Amber's quiet sob pulls Chuck out of her thoughts and back to the task at hand. Chuck opens up the closet and grabs a pregnancy test and a plastic cup. "Just pee in the cup and bring it back out here. We can do the rest together."

Amber takes the cup and goes into the bathroom. Chuck quickly reads over the instructions on the box and waits for Amber to return. When she does, Chuck dips the test into the cup and sets it on top of the box on the counter. "It'll take three minutes." Chuck notes the time and the two women wait.

After the three minutes are up, the women move to the counter and lean over the test, looking at the result. A clear plus sign stares back at them, plain as day.

"No!" Amber cries out.

"It's okay." Chuck brings her into a hug and rubs her back in reassurance. Chuck feels a little out of her league on this, but she knows that she needs to be there for Amber. "There's nothing to be afraid of. You won't be alone in this. If you want, we can tell Dr. Carson and Negan together."

"No!" She snaps. "Please don't tell them."

"I have to-"

"I'll tell them on my own. Tomorrow. Okay? Just let me tell them tomorrow. Give me a day to get a handle on this. Please."

"Of course. It's your news to tell."

"Thank you, Chuck." She sniffles as she wraps her arms around Chuck in a hug.

"You need to start taking vitamins now, though," Chuck says as she pulls away from Amber and walks to the storeroom. She brings out a large bottle of prenatal vitamins and sets it on the counter, pouring some of the pills into a small plain bottle after. "Here." She hands them to Amber. "Take one everyday, okay?"

"Okay," Amber replies quietly.

"Everything is going to be fine," Chuck reassures. "And I'm sure Negan will be excited."

"Yeah..." Amber turns away and leaves the infirmary with a little wave and a sad smile.

Chuck gets rid of the pregnancy test and fudges the inventory so that Carson wouldn't know yet, sitting heavily in her chair by the counter immediately after.

 _Negan's going to be a father. A father! He's going to have a child. With Amber. That's great, right? Babies are always good news, right? I should be happy for them. Why am I not?_

 _It's probably because childbirth is pretty dangerous. I know that I told Amber that there was nothing to be afraid of, but there are still risks. Any number of things could go wrong. What if Amber gets sick? What if the baby is sick? What if she bleeds out during delivery? What if she gets sepsis afterward? What will it be like for them to raise a child now? In all this? What will the child grow up to be? God, I'm freaking out and it's not even my baby._

 _What does this mean for me?_

 _Whoa. Why did I think that? That's so selfish to think of myself when it has nothing to do with me. This is Negan and Amber's lives._

 _Negan shouldn't have been so careless to do this to Amber. She's terrified. She's been carrying this burden for months now. And now I have to keep it secret from Negan. And I'm horrible at keeping secrets!_

Chuck looks through the medical books on the shelf and notes the ones that deal with childbirth and pregnancy. But she doesn't want to get them out with Carson due to come back. He might get suspicious if she had just seen Amber and then immediately starts to read about pregnancy. She will wait until Amber breaks the news and then she will read them. Her knowledge of childbirth is pretty rudimentary, so she'll have to study up before the delivery date arrives.

"Is Amber okay?" Carson asks as he walks into the room and takes his seat at his desk.

"She's fine. She's been having, uh, headaches. But it's nothing serious. I just gave her some Tylenol." Chuck hopes that Carson doesn't pick up on her lie.

"Alright." He seems to buy it and Chuck lets out a little sigh of relief.

The rest of the shift is pretty uneventful. After her work day is done, she goes back to her room, dreading having to see Negan and keep this life changing secret from him. But she knows it isn't her place to tell him. It's Amber's.

She writes all about it in her diary, all the things she's feeling concerning the news of Amber's pregnancy. She is afraid for the woman. And she's afraid that her own inexperience with delivering a baby could result in an injury for Amber or her baby. She's very glad that Carson is there to actually do most of the work.

But there is also some other feeling that Chuck can't place. It's not exactly jealousy because Chuck never wanted to have children, with Negan or anyone else. And she knows that he has sex with Amber. As well as many other women. And she's fine with that. But there is still this unpleasant feeling sitting in her chest that she can't shake.

Chuck's writing is interrupted by her door opening.

"What's that fuckin' look on your face for?" Negan says from the doorway.

"Nothing! I mean, it's nothing. It's my normal face," she responds a little too quickly and loudly. "It's not- I'm just, you know, writing in my diary. It's my writing face."

He pauses to look at her skeptically. "Is there something you need to tell me?"

 _Really?! He's seen me for like twelve seconds and he's picking up on it!_

"No! Of course not!" She gets up and walks past him. "It's my turn to cook, right?"

"Yeah..." He follows after her.

They begin to cook the food together, Chuck all the while trying to act as normal as possible. Her nerves are getting the best of her, though. The pit in her stomach grows larger as they wait for the food to cook.

"Anything fuckin' interesting happen in the office today?" Negan asks as they sit down with their finished meals.

"Nope. Boring day. What about you? I bet your day was very interesting. You should talk about it," she blurts out, running all the sentences together. She mentally berates herself for not being able to act normal in front of Negan.

"I had a pretty boring fuckin' day, too." He takes a bite. "I did run into the doc before I got you and he said one of my wives made a visit."

"Oh yeah. Amber did." Chuck feels like she's sweating bullets.

"Doc said she was complaining of headaches. He said you gave her some fuckin' Tylenol and sent her on her way. Right?"

"Uh, yeah. Amber is fine," Chuck manages to get that out in a semi normal way.

The rest of the meal goes okay, as far as Chuck can tell. And the chess game occupies her mind enough to cause her to forget temporarily about Amber, which is a good thing. As long as it isn't on her mind, she can't slip up and alert Negan that she has a secret.

As Chuck gets up to get ready for bed, Negan comes up behind her and begins to kiss her neck. He snakes his arms around her torso and presses himself up against her. She turns around in his arms and Negan immediately brings his lips to hers in a very passionate kiss.

Chuck is conflicted. Her mind keeps flitting from how good Negan can make her feel to the fact that there is another woman with his baby inside her. Eventually, the internal conflict takes its toll on her actions and Negan notices.

"What's wrong? You don't seem fuckin' into it."

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just... uh... Maybe I'm not in the mood. Tonight. Right now."

"Okay," he spits out a bit annoyed. "What's going on. You're acting weird as fuck. Something is fuckin' up."

"No it isn't. Nothing's up. Everything's... down...?" She visibly cringes at her own words.

"Why the fuck are you lying to me? You have never lied to me." He starts to pace. "And, by the way, you are _really_ fucking horrible at it."

"I'm not... _lying_... really."

"You're keeping something from me. And you don't keep things from me, Chuck. Remember?" He's getting angrier.

"It's not about _me_ , though."

He stops pacing and faces Chuck. "Who the fuck is it fucking about, then?"

"Please, Negan. It's not my place." Tears well up in Chuck's eyes. She doesn't want to betray Amber's trust and divulge her secret, but she also doesn't want to make Negan angrier. "Please don't make me tell you."

Negan gets up in Chuck's face and growls, "Who?"

"Amber." Chuck crumples under his overpowering presence and feels guilty immediately.

"What's fuckin' wrong with Amber?"

"N-Nothing..."

Negan brings his hand up quickly, like he's going to grab Chuck, but pulls back before he touches her. "Tell me, Chuck." His tone is level even though his breaths are heavy.

"I told her I wouldn't tell." Chuck's tears begins to flow.

"You're not doing her a fucking favor by keeping something from me. You know I'll find out anyway. And the longer it takes for me to fuckin' find out, the more fuckin' pissed off I'll be."

Chuck lets out a shaky breath and concedes. "She's- She's... pregnant."

Negan instantly stands to his full height, shock written across his face.

"She told me that the condom broke when you guys had sex about three months ago," Chuck explains quickly. "I gave her a pregnancy test..."

Negan begins to pace again. Chuck can tell that he is barely containing his anger, which confuses her. Even if he didn't particularly want a baby, why would he be so angry about it?

"MotherFUCK!" Negan picks up his tumbler from the coffee table and chucks it against the wall, stalking around the room immediately after like a caged lion.

"Negan. Calm down, please. You're scaring me." Chuck backs up toward the door.

"Why the _fuck_ did she do this now?!" Negan doesn't seem to be paying any attention to Chuck.

"She didn't do it on purpose! Accidents happen. And it took two people to make it so you need to be there for her." Chuck tries to appease him.

Negan finally turns to look at Chuck. "That's not my fuckin' baby, Chuck!"

"What? Of course it is." Chuck is so confused. "Condoms can break, Negan."

"You think I wouldn't've noticed that I took a ripped fuckin' condom off of my own goddamn dick?!"

"I don't know-"

"And I barely even fuck Amber! She only wants to give me fuckin' blow jobs!" he screams.

"But she said..."

"Don't be so fuckin' naive, Chuck. She lied to you about what happened!"

"No. I don't think-"

"It was Mark. I fuckin' know it was. She fucked him and he knocked her up. She broke the _only_ motherfuckin' rule I gave to her!"

Chuck is still confused. Amber had only mentioned her old boyfriend a handful of times. And she never let on that she still sees him, let alone sleeps with him. "But... why would she-" Chuck doesn't finish her sentence before Negan pushes past her and out of his bedroom. "Wait!" Chuck runs past him and gets to his office door before he can leave."

"Get out of the way, Chuck."

"There has to be an explanation-"

"She cheated on me! That's the only fuckin' explanation! Now get outta the fucking way!"

"Please calm down before you see her," Chuck pleads.

Negan stands in front of her, breathing deeply and staring at her face. "Move."

"Please don't hurt her."

"I'm not gonna fuckin' hurt her, Chuck. I'm not a fucking monster. Jesus Christ!" He rubs his hands through his hair. "Now get out of my way." He stares into Chuck's eyes again. "Don't make me force you."

Chuck steps aside and tries to follow Negan as he leaves his apartment.

"No. Stay the fuck in there."

Chuck complies without a word, worried about the series of events she had just set in motion.


	15. Chapter 15

— Negan's POV —

I gave them _one_ fucking rule. _One_ motherfucking rule and they can't follow it. If Amber wanted to get knocked up by some pencil dick, she should've just fuckin' left!

How the fuck is this gonna look? People are gonna think I can't control my own fuckin' wives. If I can't control them, then how the fuck are they gonna trust me to control this place.

Fuck! Amber fucked up so bad.

I slam open the door to the lounge so hard it fuckin' bounces back. Sherry pops up immediately and puts herself between me and Amber. Well, I guess that means that they all fuckin' knew about this shit. Of fucking course.

"Negan-"

"Move out of the way," I say calmly. It's hard, but I keep my shit in check. For now, at least.

"She made a mistake-"

"She's fucking pregnant with another man's goddamn baby! That's a mighty big fuckin' _mistake_."

Amber is sobbing on the fuckin' couch, the other wives huddled around her. I push past Sherry to stand in front of them. I take a bunch of deep breaths to try to calm myself down. Amber already looks terrified. Despite how fuckin' furious I am, I don't want to give the poor girl a fuckin' heart attack. Since she's all fuckin' _pregnant_ and shit. Fuck.

"Honey." I crouch down to get to her level.

"Negan, I love you-"

"No. We're fuckin' past that. Just tell me what happened." I wait. And wait. But she doesn't say shit. "You know I know, so just fuckin' say it."

"I... I slept with Mark. Once. It was only one time! But- I'm... pregnant. It's his." She begins to cry her little fuckin' heart out.

I stand up and allow the wives to comfort her, raking my fingers through my hair, thinking of what I need to do next. I wait until she catches her breath before I continue.

"He know you're pregnant?"

She shakes her head slightly.

Shit. Well he's gonna get a rude fuckin' awakening tomorrow morning when I tell him he's gonna be a fuckin' daddy. And then I iron his fuckin' face off.

"You'll move out tomorrow-"

"You can't do that, Negan," Sherry interrupts me.

I brush her off and continue. "You need to be out of here in the morning. Take whatever you want that can fit in one duffel bag and move back in with your mom. Or Mark. I don't give a shit." I rub my hand over my beard. "No dresses, though."

"Come on, Negan. Give her another chance," Tonya throws her opinion in.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do? She didn't just cheat on me. She's fuckin' pregnant. I'm not raising a fuckin' baby that's not mine, Tonya. This isn't like fuckin' Dwight and Sherry. I can't just iron Mark's face and be fuckin' done with it."

Is that so fuckin' hard to understand? What the fuck do these women expect to happen?

"You know what, make me the bad guy in this. I don't give two fucks. But you need to realize that this is how it's gonna be. She," I pointed to Amber, "moves out tomorrow. And _all_ of you are gonna be present in the fuckin' furnace room-"

"No!" Amber wails. She apparently just realized what's gonna happen tomorrow.

"Yes, Amber. That's the rules. He gets the iron." I pause. "You can have your old job in the laundry back. And since I made Mark a savior about a month ago -which is good fucking timing for you, I guess- he gets to use his new status to support you, and that baby, _and_ your mom. I don't give a flying fuck if the two of you break the fuck up and never fuckin' see each other again, he's supporting you _all_ for the rest of his fuckin' life."

All of the women look at me with wide eyes waiting for me to say something else. Or leave.

"Put her in plain clothes tomorrow," I say to Sherry as I point at Amber. "It needs to be fuckin' _crystal_ fuckin' clear to everyone that she's not a wife anymore."

I slam the door shut as I stomp out of the lounge. I pace around the fuckin' hall, trying to burn off some of my adrenaline before I tear my fuckin' office apart in front of Chuck, which is what would've happened if I went straight the fuck in. I pick up my radio and put it to my face.

"Dwight. Get to my floor, now."

" _On my way."_

I pace around some more until he appears.

"Get your guys and put Mark in a fuckin' cell. He's getting the fuckin' iron tomorrow."

"I'll get the furnace all ready for you first thing."

"Way to show fuckin' initiative, Dwighty boy. No. questions. asked." I pat him on the cheek. "I love it."

After he leaves, I'm mostly calm, so I go back into my apartment.

— —

 _Oh my god! What did I just do? I knew I wouldn't be able to keep her secret. I'm such a screwup. I had no idea that Amber had cheated. Maybe she didn't and Negan is wrong. Would that make this any better?_

 _Amber is going to hate me, regardless. All the wives are going to hate me. Negan is probably going to hate me for lying to him. Oh, god. I ruined everything._

Chuck paces around Negan's office the entire time he is in the wives' lounge. She starts to feel her chest constricting and her stomach churning, a sign that a panic attack is coming on. She moves into Negan's bedroom to sit on his couch. She tries her hardest to breathe normally to calm herself, but thoughts race through her head. What's going to happen to Amber? Or Mark? Or herself?

The tears fall from her eyes as she begins to choke out sobs. Her hands start to go numb, and then she feels pins and needles in her fingers as she tries to cradle her head close to her knees. Her whole body shakes as she tries to suck in breaths.

"Shit." Negan's voice comes from the doorway. Chuck hadn't even heard him come in.

Chuck can't look up at him. She feels like if she raises her head up, she'll pass out.

"Breathe for me, baby girl," Negan says gently as he sits beside her. He runs his hand up and down her back softly. "Calm down."

"I-I'm sor-sorry, Ne-Ne-" She can barely get out any words through her hiccups.

"Don't talk. Just keep breathing. Try to breathe deep, baby girl."

Chuck focuses on her own breathing, trying to keep it even. After some time, her heart rate and breathing slow and she's able to talk again.

"Is Amber-"

"She's fine. But she's not a fuckin' wife anymore."

"So... The baby's not yours?"

"No. She told me she fucked Mark and it's his. I fuckin' knew it anyway." Negan pulls back and looks away from Chuck.

"What happens to them now?"

Negan lets out a heavy breath. "Amber's moving back downstairs."

Chuck can tell that there is more to it, so she stays silent, waiting for him to continue.

"I need you- I don't want to fuckin' do this to you, but you need to be there when I punish Mark. Everyone has to come out for the fuckin' punishments. And you and Doc have to take fuckin' care of him afterwards."

"What's the punishment?" Chuck is terrified of the answer. The only punishments she knows of are being put in the cells or on fence duty. And those don't require medical treatment afterward.

"I'm gonna burn the side of his face with a fuckin' iron," Negan says with no emotion.

"What?!" Chuck can hardly believe what he just said. "That's barbaric! You can't do that to him."

Dwight's face pops into her mind. She had never asked how he had gotten his burn, assuming it had been from an accident. Apparently, she was wrong in her assumption. Negan had burned his face as punishment for something.

"I fuckin' have to, Chuck. It's the rules. He knew them, but he still put his dick inside something that wasn't his."

"Oh my god, Negan. You mutilate people?!" Chuck can't hold back her tears. She always knew Negan had done bad things, but she never knew specifics. And the thought that she would have to witness a punishment disgusts her.

"It's how I keep this place running. There needs to be fuckin' consequences or this place would devolve into fucking chaos. I've seen so many groups turn into fucking animals because they have no set of rules and consequences. And _you've_ seen that shit personally with that fuckin' piece of shit leader you had before. _This_ is the way I protect everyone." Negan starts to sound annoyed at Chuck questioning him.

"How many?"

"Chuck. You need to fuckin' understand-"

"How many people have you mutilated like that?!"

He growls before answering. "Four. One for sleeping with one of the fuckin' wives, two for abandoning their posts on a run to fuck around which got someone hurt, one for falling asleep on guard duty and letting a fuckin' herd build up at the gate. And soon to be one more for knocking up a different wife."

"What about the guys that stole from the infirmary?" Chuck had never asked what happened to the men that attacked her and now she feels really guilty about it. She feels selfish for not wanting to know what punishment the men received because she was afraid of the answer.

"No," is all Negan says as he stands from the couch.

"What did you do to them?"

"No, Chuck." Negan moves out of his room, into his kitchen.

Chuck follows him out quickly. He pours himself a whiskey on his counter and downs it.

"What did you do to them-"

"No, Chuck!" he yells. "They got what they deserved! They almost killed you! That's all you need to fucking know!" He pours another drink, downs it, and slams the glass on the counter.

"What did you do to them?!" Chuck screams. She can't stand the thought that she was the reason that he caused them pain. She had never intentionally hurt anyone in her life. She's dreading what Negan is about to tell her about the two men that hurt her.

"They're fucking dead! I fucking killed them! Is that what you wanted to hear?! I used Lucille to bash their fuckin' hands and feet to a bloody pulp and then I gutted them. I stood around and watched them fuckin' turn and then I put them on the fence! Okay?!" He takes another drink. "And I would do it again in a fuckin' heartbeat because they almost took you away from me."

Chuck stands gobsmacked. "So it's my fault they're dead? I killed them?"

"Goddamnit." Negan moves back into his room with Chuck following. "They did it to them-fucking-selves. It's not your damn fault!"

"Would they be dead if Dr. Carson had been the one in there that night instead of me? If he was the one that got stabbed?"

Negan lets out a huff. "They'd be on the fuckin' fence all the same. I know what I just said, but It wasn't _just_ about you. I can't have assholes thinking they could get to you _or_ fuckin' Carson. You're both important to this fuckin' place."

Chuck lowers her gaze and shakes her head. She knows where Negan is coming from. It all makes sense in the wider scope of things, but she still feels horrible about it all. She hates violence and it is becoming very apparent that violence is a tool that Negan uses frequently. She can admit to herself that what he has been doing has been effective, residents of The Sanctuary are safe and fed, but it still gives her a knot in her stomach.

"There's no other way?" Chuck asks meekly.

"There's no other way."

"I don't like this. I don't like the violence."

"You don't have to fuckin' like it. But you have to _accept_ it."

"How bad is it gonna be? The burn?"

"Bad." Negan takes off his jacket and boots. "It _is_ necessary. I promise you." He finishes taking off the rest of his clothes and turns around to face Chuck. "If you don't want to stay here tonight-"

"No. It's okay. I'll stay." Even though she's angry with Negan, she doesn't really want to sleep by herself in her room. Chuck takes her own clothes off and gets into the bed beside Negan. Despite the fact that Chuck has a lot to think about, her body is tired and she falls asleep quickly, not to the sounds of Negan's soft snores, but to the sounds of rain hitting the windows.

The next morning, Negan wakes Chuck up early, the sound of the rain still pinging off of the building filling the room.

"Get something to eat and get dressed. You need to meet up with Carson in the fuckin' infirmary in half an hour," Negan demands in a flat tone and goes into his bathroom to get ready himself.

Chuck eats some toast and grabs an outfit. She switches places with Negan, going into the bathroom herself, and by the time she comes back out, he's gone. Chuck takes a breath and tries to shake out her anxiety before she leaves Negan's apartment for the infirmary.

Carson greets her as she enters. "Hello, Charlotte." He looks up at her from the bag he is stocking with all of the things he will need.

"What do I need to know? About what's going to happen, I mean," Chuck asks nervously.

Carson lets out a sigh and answers. "When Negan tells us to, we need to cover Mark's face with gauze and wheel him back here as fast as we can. Then, we need to clean the burn and debride it. The process is long and... arduous. We can't fully sedate him, but we can give him something to relax him a little. That will help to keep him still for us." He finishes with his bag and zips it up. "We need to get there. We don't want to make Negan wait. He won't start without us."

They enter the furnace room and make their way through the people toward the front. Chuck lets out a sigh of relief when she sees that Negan isn't there yet. They aren't late.

A man tied to a wheelchair is sitting in the middle of the room, looking very nervous. Off to Chuck's left, Dwight is standing in front of the furnace, stoking the flames. As soon as Chuck sees the orange glow coming from it, a shiver travels down her spine.

She jumps in shock when she hears a bang coming from the catwalk above them. Everyone's heads turn to the sound as Negan saunters across the walkway, banging Lucille against the bannister all the way, and descends the steps to the factory floor. Immediately, the crowd, including Chuck and Carson, lower themselves to kneel before their leader.

Negan gestures with his hand for everyone to rise. "Here we are," Negan starts with his arms outstretched, Lucille held high, "yet again! I really fuckin' hoped I would never have to do this... _again_ ," Negan finds Dwight by the furnace and points Lucille at him, "but here we fuckin' are." Negan paces around in front of the crowd as he speaks. "Mark, here." Negan turns to point at the man. "He took a taste of something that wasn't fuckin' his. As a matter of fact, he took a taste of something that was fuckin' _mine_. And, _now_ , _after_ that, Amber has chosen to leave the fifth floor. And she has that right! It's her choice and I _respect._ that. choice! And so should all of you! If I hear that someone is giving her shit for her decisions, an example will be fuckin' made!" He pauses to make a stern face at the crowd. "But Mark broke the motherfuckin' rules all the same. So he's gonna take the _motherfuckin_ ' punishment!"

Chuck looks around at the crowd. The wives are all front and center, dressed as beautifully as ever, even though their faces are dour as can be. Amber is standing across the room, holding onto an older woman, most likely her mother. She's dressed in a flannel and jeans. Fat tears are steaming down her face as she watches the spectacle in front of her.

"I do. not. _enjoy_ doing this. I really fuckin' don't. But I need to do it. The rules _need_ to be followed. Why?!"

"The rules keep us alive," everyone calls out in unison.

"That's right!" Negan stomps with the words. "After this. After he takes his punishment, the slate gets wiped clean. No fuckin' grudges. He gets to live the rest of his fuckin' life here, working for me! All hunky-dory and shit."

Negan passes Lucille to Simon and walks over to the furnace to grab a heavy glove. Dwight fishes a red hot iron out of the flames with a large hook and Negan takes it in his hand.

"This might be the first ironing for some of y'all. And I'm not gonna lie, this will be fuckin' ugly. But know that this shit is fuckin' necessary," he calls out as he walks to Mark with his arms outstretched.

Negan lifts the iron up and places it to Mark's left cheek. The wail of pure agony that comes out of Mark's mouth is something that Chuck has never heard before. Tears begins to stream down her cheeks as she stares at the pained expression on the man's face. She looks past him to Amber, who is practically on the ground, her mother struggling to hold her up.

Mark's screams suddenly stop and head droops down, with some of his skin sticking to the iron that Negan pulls back. Negan hands the instrument off to Dwight's gloved hand and walks back to Mark.

"Motherfucker passed the fuck out!" Negan yells with some mirth. "Looks like he pissed his fuckin' pants, too!"

Chuck stands aghast at the sight before her. She sees a mutilated young man and Negan flouncing around like nothing had even happened. Like he had just swatted a fly. The words coming out of his mouth aren't even reaching her ears as she moves her eyes around the room, to the wives, to Amber, and back to Mark. Chuck's cheeks stay wet with tears and her body slightly trembles. She feels a soft hand grip her elbow gently and looks to her left to see Carson staring at her.

"We need to help him now." Carson's urgent tone breaks Chuck out of her haze.

The pair moves to the unconscious man, passing citizens as they leave the room. Negan had apparently dismissed everyone while Chuck wasn't listening.

"Untie his hands, Charlotte," Carson instructs as he opens his bag and takes out a piece of clean gauze and a syringe filled with medicine.

Chuck's hands are shaking so much that she can't get a grip on the ropes.

"Let me get it, angel," Simon's voice comes out from behind her. He unties the knots and stands back, allowing Carson and Chuck to do their job. Mark starts to stir slightly as he comes to.

"I'm giving him a sedative to relax him," Carson indicates as he injects the medicine into the man. "Charlotte. Cover the wound."

She steadies herself, pushing her shock and anxiety aside, and covers the man's large burn with the gauze.

"We need to get him to the infirmary, quickly," Carson says to Simon, who moves behind the wheelchair and pushes it through the door.

Chuck walks behind the men, trying to keep her breathing slow and even. She knows she has a job to do, so freaking out is not on the table. And she doesn't want Mark to get sick or die from an infection. He has a baby on the way, after all.

Upon entering the infirmary, Simon and Carson transfer Mark to one of the beds.

"You gonna be okay, kiddo?" Simon gives her shoulder a squeeze.

"Yeah. I have to be. So I can do my job."

Simon leaves as Carson and Chuck put their gloves on to get to work. Carson starts an IV and Chuck hooks the man up to the monitor.

"We're giving him antibiotics to stave off infection. Put one of those surgical masks on," he orders as he puts one on himself. "We need to start debriding now." Carson pulls the gauze away, revealing the scorched flesh.

Chuck feels her stomach turn at the sight of it, but presses on. She leans in close to watch Carson as he removes the burned and dead flesh. She gets a strong whiff of Mark's charred skin, causing her nausea to build. She can't hold it back anymore and she jumps up to run to the bathroom, emptying her stomach into the toilet. She steadies herself, wipes away her tears and comes back out. She gloves up again and resumes her position beside Carson.

"I vomited the first time, too," Carson says matter of factly. "If you need to again, make sure you make it to the bathroom. We need to keep this area as sterile as possible."

Chuck takes Carson's lead and picks away at Mark's skin carefully. Over halfway through, Mark begins to stir more.

"Mark. You need to hold still," Carson says to him.

Mark doesn't seem to register what he said and continues so move around.

"I'll hold him." Chuck puts her instruments down and moves to the top of the bed. She places her hands gently on him, holding his head still. "Mark. It'll be alright. Just hold still for us. I promise we're almost done.

Mark opens his eyes and looks up at Chuck's face. It breaks her heart to see someone in so much pain.

"Is-Is it true?" Mark grunts out with clenched teeth. It's hard to understand him because he isn't moving half of his face properly, but Chuck can just make out what he is saying. "Is she pr-pregnant?"

Carson looks up to Chuck with confusion. Negan hadn't told the crowd at large that Amber was pregnant, so Carson didn't know. Negan had apparently told Mark, though.

"Yes. Amber is pregnant." Chuck isn't sure if she should give her congrats or not, not knowing if Mark even wants a child. She gets her answer when Mark begins to cry. Not from the immense pain, but from joy. A tear falls from Chuck's eye as she watches him.

"Just rest now," she says. "You need to get back on your feet for the both of them."

Chuck stays near Mark's head, comforting him as Carson works on his face. When he is all done, he gives Mark some more medicine and sits back, exhausted.

"Will you go to the kitchen and get us some food?" Carson asks Chuck.

"Sure." She hears Carson's stomach grumble in hunger, and she realizes that she is also hungry. Even though the lingering smell of Mark's burned flesh still causes her stomach to roil. She leaves the infirmary and heads for the kitchen. It's early dinner hour and Chuck hopes it wouldn't be too busy.

Of course, she's wrong. It's very busy. She moves to the end of the long line and waits. She absentmindedly looks around the room, watching the people eating their meals and having conversations. She focuses her eyes on the other side of the room and furrows her brow at what she sees.

Negan and the (now) four wives are sitting at a table with half empty plates in front of them. Negan has a big smile on his face and is joking and laughing with the saviors all around them. The wives all look emotionless, not happy, not sad.

 _What is he doing here with them? They never all eat down here._

 _He's trying to make some sort of statement, I bet. He's making it obvious that Amber isn't there. That's what he's doing. Showing everyone just who his wives are. And he's being a douche about it._

 _Poor Amber. I hope she's not in here to see this._

Chuck looks away and steps forward in the line. She peers back across the room and sees Negan stand from his seat. Not wanting him to notice her, she averts her eyes again. She fixes her gaze on the back of the person standing in front of her, hoping to avoid any confrontations. Suddenly, a hand on her elbow pulls her from the line and towards the counter.

"What the fuck you waiting in line for?" Negan says as he leads her to the front of the cafeteria.

"I don't mind waiting," Chuck says bashfully causing Negan to give her a look.

They get to the counter and Negan looks to Chuck. Her words seem to stick in her throat as she awkwardly shifts her weight from one foot to the next. Interacting with Negan right at this moment isn't exactly high on the list of things Chuck wants to do. Not after what he had done this morning. And the fact that this interaction is in front of a large portion of The Sanctuary doesn't help.

"Well? What the fuck do you want? Full tray?" Negan barks out, startling Chuck.

"Uh... Half tray for me. Full tray for Dr. Carson."

The worker puts the trays on the counter and Negan picks up Carson's dinner, with Chuck retrieving her own. As they move back through the crowd, Chuck looks back towards where the wives are.

"They can manage by them-fuckin'-selves for a while, I think," Negan provides, seemingly reading Chuck's mind.

They walk the rest of the way to the infirmary in silence.

Carson looks up as they walk through the door. "Hello, Negan," Carson greets.

"Here's your food," Negan states as he sets the tray on the desk.

Carson stands from Mark's bedside and closes the curtain around his bed, completely separating him from the examination area.

Chuck sets her own food on the counter and sits down in front of it.

"We need to talk," Negan says as he pulls up on her arm to get her to stand. He pulls her out of the room and into a back hallway that is rarely used.

Chuck stands in front of him waiting for him to start talking. But he just stands there, not saying a word. The rain pounding on the window beside them is the only sound in the hallway.

"He still alive then?" Negan breaks the awkward silence.

"Yeah," Chuck responds quietly.

"Good. He's a good kid."

"Yeah..." Chuck has no idea how to respond to Negan at this moment.

Negan lets out a huff. "Why the fuck are you acting so shy with me?"

Chuck really doesn't want to deal with Negan right now, so she ignores his question. "I need to get back to work," she barks as she pushes past him to go back to the infirmary.

"Don't fuckin' walk away from me." He comes up behind her and takes her by the arm to spin her back around to him.

Chuck instantly pushes back at his chest with all her might and yells, "Stop grabbing me!" She turns around and stomps down the hall away from him, not even giving him a chance to say anything further. She half expects Negan to come up behind her to stop her, but he doesn't .

Chuck gets to the infirmary and sits down to nibble at her food, discretely swiping away her tears before they fall so Carson won't see.

"Both of us should stay here tonight. We can take shifts keeping watch over him," Carson says.

"Yeah. Sure," Chuck agrees quietly.

All Chuck wants to do is erase this whole day from her memory.


	16. Chapter 16

— Negan's POV —

Shit! What the fuck was that?!

I watch Chuck fuckin' stomp around the corner to go back to the infirmary. But It's like my own feet are filled with fuckin' cement. I can't move to fucking go after her because I am so fucking confused about what just happened.

Is she really that pissed at me? What the fuck did I do? I didn't fuckin' grab her that hard. Fuck!

I'll give her her fuckin' space, I guess. What-the-fuck-ever.

I wander around for a while, but the whole thing fuckin' rubbed me the wrong way. I want some goddamn answers, but I don't want to take Chuck out of the infirmary again. I'm sure she has her fuckin' hands full with Mark. Maybe something happened when she got Mark to the infirmary. Simon was fuckin' there. Maybe he saw something. Maybe she said something to him.

"Simon. Where the fuck you at?" I yell into the radio.

" _My room. You need me?"_

"Just stay there."

I walk up to the fourth fuckin' floor and right into Simon's room. He's sitting at his table finishing up his fuckin' dinner, I guess.

"Shit, man. I thought you said you didn't need me," he says with a full mouth.

I don't answer him, but I must've still had a confused look on my face because Simon asks about it.

"Something up?" Simon pushes his plate away from himself and looks up at me.

I take the chair across from him and plop myself down, staring back at him. I'm wrestling with whether or not I should even fucking talk about Chuck with him, considering he's in love with her... And doesn't know I fuck her... But I want to know why she flipped the fuck out. Simon might have fuckin' insight on that since he helped get Mark to the infirmary and saw her before I did.

"Nah. Shit's fine," is all I manage to say.

"Good." Simon looks at me. Waiting for me to say something further.

"Any problems getting what's-his-face to the fuckin' infirmary?"

"No." He scratches his head and stares me right in the eyes. "Chuck seemed upset, though."

"Yeah. I fuckin' gathered that because I just tried to talk to her and she freaked the fuck out."

"What happened?" he asks quickly.

"She wouldn't fuckin' talk to me."

"What happened _exactly_?"

I let out a huff. "I saw her in the caf waiting in line, so I helped her carry doc's food to the infirmary. Then I tried to fuckin' talk to her and she wouldn't. I asked her what was wrong and she fuckin' pushed me away and stomped off."

"Pushed you away? Like with her hands or metaphorically?"

"With her fuckin' hands. She yelled at me not to grab her."

He raises his eyebrows. " _Did_ you grab her?"

"Not really." I scratch my beard and lean back in my chair with a shrug. "She walked away from me and I... I just wanted to fuckin' talk to her, so I turned her back around."

Simon looks pissed. Shit. This was a bad idea.

"You would've killed anyone else if they had done that to her. Touched her like that."

I just stare back at him. He's probably right, but I'm not going to admit that.

He leans forward in his seat. "I can't believe you put your hands on her. After what she just watched you do. She was probably scared of you! Having flashbacks of what those guys did to her at that nursing home! Just like with Andy." He shakes his fuckin' head and huffs out a breath as he leans back.

"I didn't fucking put my hands on her like that! I would never fucking do that!" I yell, trying not to lose my shit completely.

"What the fuck are you telling me all this for, Negan?!" Simon gets up and throws his plate in the sink with a crash. "Why the fuck are you here?"

"Fuckin' calm down, alright. Shit. I know you got a boner for the girl, but remember your fuckin' place here," I warn.

Simon glares at me for a second. "You want to know what happened getting Mark to the infirmary? After _I_ untied Mark because Chuck was shaking too damn much to do it, I asked her if she was okay and she said she _had_ to be okay. And then she did her fucking job. Like you asked her to." Simon continues to glare at me from across the room as he leans back onto his counter.

Shit. Did I really fuck this up with Chuck?

I'm not even that fuckin' mad at Simon because I'm just thinking about Chuck and what she must be thinking.

"I had a fuckin' talk with her. She said she under-fuckin'-stood why the ironing needed to happen." I rake my fingers through my hair. I really thought she understood...

Simon seems to calm down, too. He lets out a sigh before he speaks. "Just because she understood why, that doesn't mean she wasn't affected by it. She has a soft heart-"

"I fuckin' know that! You think I don't know that? I know her better than anyone!"

"Yeah." He takes a deep breath and looks almost hurt. Like he"s thinking about something he doesn't want to. "She cares about you, so you need to fix this with her. You just need to give her a little time to handle this shit, first."

"I can't have her afraid of me, Simon."

"Well putting your hands on her is a great way to do just that."

"I didn't- I would never hurt her. Fuckin' ever." I glare back at him.

He shakes his head again and sighs. "Give her some time and then apologize. I know that's not your strong suit, but you have to do it. She's told me that you're her best friend and... I think she needs you."

"Hmm." I get up and walk over to him. He set his feelings for her aside to do the right thing for her. I'm not sure he would do that if he knew I've been fucking her, but... He's a fuckin' loyal friend. I put my forehead on his and thank him. "Get a guard stationed outside of the fuckin' infirmary. I'm assuming Chuck and the doc are going to stay there overnight."

"Sure thing, boss"

"Thanks, brother." I leave his apartment and go back to my own. I would give Chuck until fuckin' dinner time tomorrow and then I'd talk to her.

I toss and fuckin' turn in bed all goddamn night. I have to stop myself a bunch of times from heading down to the fuckin' infirmary and just explaining everything to Chuck. If she's pissed at me, then she must not understand why I had to iron that fuck's face. I'll fuckin' just... explain it better.

Goddamnit.

I hope she is just fucking angry at me and not really scared of me. She knows I would never hurt her, right? I've done so fuckin' much for her.

By the time I fuckin' give up trying to sleep, it's morning. I take my shower and get fuckin' dressed. I want to head straight for the doctor's office, but I fuckin' stop myself. I said I'd give Chuck space and that's what I'm gonna fuckin' do.

I make my appearances around the place, listening to what the different areas need. It's still fuckin' raining and the gardeners are worried that their shit would get flooded. They decide to cover some shit up to prevent the plants from washing away or whatever. Fine by me. I don't have a single fuckin' clue about all that shit. I trust them to do what's fuckin' best.

I know I said I'd give Chuck until dinner time and I'm a few hours early, but I can't fuckin' wait anymore. I head to the infirmary to see her. I walk into the room and look around for a second.

"Hello, Negan." Carson is sitting at his desk. And Chuck isn't in her usual seat.

"Where's Chuck."

"I sent her home. Both of us didn't need to be here. And she seemed to take the whole thing pretty hard."

I could've punched him in the fuckin' face. Is he suggesting that it's _my_ fucking fault?

"How's Mark?" I ask as I swallow my rage.

"He's okay. Vitals are good which is a good sign. I can probably send him home tonight. But he'll need to be off work for a week or so."

"Good."

I walk out and head to Chuck's room. I go to open the door, but I stop when I notice there is no noise coming from inside. Usually, she's watching her fuckin' tv or listening to her music... or playing her guitar when I come to get her. It's never fuckin' quiet during the day.

I quietly inch the door open and look into her dark room. She's lying on her bed, fast asleep. I'll never admit it to her, or anyone else for that fuckin' matter, but I love to watch her sleep. Her hair spread out on the pillow. The soft breaths coming from her. The way she cradles her hands under her face. I love it all.

I sit down on the edge of her bed as carefully as I fuckin' can. I don't want her to wake up just yet. I brush some of her hair away from her face and run my fingers through it. I continue to caress her hair until she begins to stir awake.

"Hey, baby girl," I whisper.

— —

Chuck continues to pick at her food, trying to ignore the pit in her stomach, going over in her mind the way she had just yelled at Negan in the hallway until Carson breaks the silence.

"I'll take the first watch. I don't anticipate any complications, but we still need to monitor Mark through the night. Get some sleep now, and I'll wake you in a few hours to start your watch."

Chuck nods and goes to the other bed. She manages to get some sleep, though it doesn't feel very restful. She is groggy when Carson wakes her up for her shift, but she monitors the ailing man diligently. Carson wakes up a few hours later and checks over the man himself.

About lunchtime, Carson tells her that he can handle it on his own and allows her to leave. She thinks about taking a walk outside to clear her head, but the weather is still pretty bad.

She makes her way back up to her floor and takes a shower. The whole time she is in her head, thinking about Negan. And Mark. And Amber. She really wishes that everything that had happened was just some sort of bad dream. But it's not.

 _What kind of crazy person comes up with that punishment? Burning someone's face off?! Who could do that and not care? Is Negan that callous?_

 _But he's not that way with me... He tried to warn me that he only views people as a resource, but I didn't think that was really true. The way he acted was so chilling. What if I mess up and break the rules? Would he ever punish me that way?_

Chuck shakes the thoughts from her head and makes her way back to her bedroom. Her body and mind are so exhausted that when she lays down on her bed for a nap, she almost instantly falls asleep upon hitting her pillow.

Some time later, Chuck feels a pleasant sensation on her head. Someone is running their fingers through her hair softly.

"Hey, baby girl," Negan's whispering voice comes out from beside Chuck.

She opens her eyes and sits up, yawning as she stretches. As her mind becomes clearer, the events of the previous day come flooding back.

"Did you get enough fuckin' beauty sleep, sweetheart?" Negan jokes.

"I guess..." Chuck responds quietly as she gives a little shrug.

Negan lets out a sigh. "Come on, Chuck. Don't be like this. I thought you understood why I had to fuckin' do that this morning."

"I understand _why_. I just don't understand _how_. How can you do it? How can you hurt someone like that and act like it's nothing?" Chuck's eyes begin to well up with tears.

"Because I have to. I have to fucking do this to keep everyone safe." He rubs his face and continues. "I know this seems extreme to you, but you have no fuckin' idea the shit that happened before." He shakes his head. "I've seen people torn apart right fuckin' in front of me because they didn't follow orders. I've seen whole families get fuckin' murdered for no goddamn reason just because there were no fuckin' consequences for it. If I have to fucking iron some damn faces to keep everyone else alive- to show people that following fucking orders and following the rules is the way things are done now, I'll fuckin' do it gladly. Look, Chuck-" he reaches his hand out to cup her cheek but she flinches at the action. She didn't mean to. It just happened out of her control. They stare at each other for a few seconds as Negan pulls his hand away from her.

"Negan..." she starts, apologetically.

"Are you fucking afraid of me?" He stands up and starts to pace. "Do you think I would _ever_ fuckin' hurt you?!"

She can't answer him. She's sure in her mind that he wouldn't, but the words won't leave her mouth.

"Fuck..." He comes forward and cups her cheeks softly. This time, she lets him. "I would never fucking hurt you. Understand? Not fucking ever." His pleading eyes bore into her own. "I'm sorry I scared you. I never wanted to scare you. I never fuckin' wanted you to see anything like that. But you had to be there..."

She can see that he is being sincere and in that moment, her fears melt away. She knows he would never hurt her. And she can appreciate that Negan takes on the role of punisher so no one else would have to. He's taken on that burden because he truly cares about his people here. Even if his methods are crude, he keeps everyone healthy and safe. Still, Chuck has her reservations about accepting the ironing in this case.

"I know you wouldn't hurt me, Negan. I just never saw anything like that before and it freaked me out. I understand why punishments have to be harsh now, but this one doesn't seem to fit the crime. Mark didn't _hurt_ Amber... or force her..." Chuck trails off.

Negan lets out a sigh and sits back down on the bed beside Chuck, facing her. "Back when Sherry and Kayla were the only wives... we had a fuckin'... incident. Someone didn't like the points system, didn't like that he had to fuckin' work, and decided I was the bad guy for making him. He forced his way up to the wives' room, killed a few fuckin' saviors on the way, and held the girls hostage. Thought he could get his way if he fucking threatened them. Or maybe he just thought getting to the wives would fuckin' hurt me."

"He hurt them?" Chuck asks with shock and concern in her voice. Sherry and Kayla never mentioned anything like that happening. Chuck wonders how much the experience had affected them.

"No." Negan traces Chuck's cheekbone with his thumb. "We stopped him. And I realized that the wives' position made them vulnerable. And a target. So I had to make an example. 'If you hurt a wife, _threaten_ a wife, you get put on the fence. If you _touch_ a wife, you get the iron. No exceptions.' The wives needed to be 100% off fuckin' limits. To everyone. I promised them safety and I intend on fuckin' keeping my word. And I couldn't have people thinking they could fuckin' sweet talk themselves into their panties thinking they could get something from them. Or get to me. I never thought I'd ever actually have to fuckin' iron a motherfucker for fucking a wife, but then Sherry and her fuckin' boyfriend Dwight couldn't keep their goddamn hands to themselves, so I had to burn his face. And now Mark's."

"I didn't know any of that happened." Chuck feels guilty about the way she reacted to Negan. He really is trying to protect the wives with all of this. "You should've told me that. Now I feel horrible for doubting you. And snapping at you. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, baby girl. I probably fuckin' deserved it anyway." He gives her a smirk. "But if you really want to make it up to me..." Negan leans forward and placed his lips on hers, slowly enough to give her a chance to say no to him. Instead, she lets out a giggle and reciprocates the kiss as she leans back on the bed, lying down. Negan crawls on top of her and begins to kiss her passionately.

"Is this your solution to everything? Sex?" She's making fun of Negan, but she's not going to turn him down. She may not admit it to Negan, or anyone else, but she loves having sex with Negan. He makes her feel so good that the whole world melts away around her. All the horror. All the pain. Nothing matters when she is in his arms.

He pushes off his jacket and pulls off his shirt. "Sex is a fuckin' _great_ solution." He runs his hands up her body, dragging her shirt up with them. He undoes her pants as she leans forward to remove her bra. "And you don't seem to be fuckin' complaining right now."

She wiggles out of her pants and underwear and brings her hands up to his belt. She unbuckles it and pushes his pants and underwear down as he kisses her neck and kicks his pants fully off. She gets lost in the sensations. Just like she normally does when Negan is on top of her. His lips on her skin. His hands exploring her curves. His warm breath ghosting over her.

But then, the big plus sign from Amber's pregnancy test dances through her mind and her stomach clenches at the thought.

"Do you have a condom?" Chuck asks.

Negan shot his head up to look at her face. "Are fucking kidding right now?"

"No, I'm not kidding. I didn't know condoms were an option until Amber mentioned them. And I think we should be using them."

"You think I got fuckin' diseases or something?" He lets out a huff and sits back on his knees beside her.

"No." She sits up and rests on her elbows. "I never really thought about that actually. But now that you mention it... I mean you sleep with a lot of people-"

"Fuck! I'm fucking clean, Chuck! Jesus Christ! You think I'd get the clap like some dumb shit?"

"Well. I mean, I don't know." She shrugs.

"I wrap my shit up with everyone else. Okay? I just didn't really think it was necessary with you. And you never fuckin' asked me to."

"I guess... I was more thinking about pregnancy than anything else, though. You know, with Amber and all... It has me thinking..."

"I always fuckin' pull out."

"Yeah. I know. But that's not as safe as a condom." She remembers her sex ed. "You know, fluids find a way if they're close enough..."

They stare at each other for a few moments before their eyes begin to rake over the naked form of the other. The sexual tension is practically palpable.

"Well one of us is gonna have to fuckin' run up to the fifth floor to raid the wives' stash of condoms. _Or_ fuckin' down to the first floor to the marketplace and find that one guy that always has them. Unless you wanna ask your neighbors if they have any rubbers you can borrow." He chuckles.

"Ugh." She lets out a frustrated growl. She knows using a condom is the smart thing to do in her mind, but her body is growing impatient.

"And only one of us has to deal with getting a hard -really big- fuckin' dick back into his pants and traverse the whole fuckin' Sanctuary with a fuckin' massive hardon in search of a goddamn condom... Just sayin'."

"Fine! I get it!" she concedes and lays back down.

"Can I keep going, then?" Negan asks with a smirk and climbs back on top of her.

"Yes. But next time we are definitely using a condom. And pull out."

Negan leans down, his mouth directly beside her ear. "Whatever you want, princess," he whispers then flips Chuck over onto her stomach suddenly, eliciting a startled yip from her. "Spread your legs and stick your ass out," he demands.

"Uhh." She hesitates to obey him. She's not exactly sure what he is planning and it has her nervous. "What are you doing?" She tries to lean up on her elbows to relieve the pressure on her chest, but Negan stops her by gently pressing down on her back to push her into the bed.

"Don't worry, sweetheart," he moves his knees between hers and spreads them apart. "Just trust me."

"I just- This is a little uncomfortable. And I would really like to know what you're doing back there," she says nervously as she tries to crane her head to see him.

"Shit, baby girl. What are you thinking? I'm not gonna assfuck you without proper warning... and lube... And fucking _consent_." He runs his hands up her sides and down her back softly massaging her as he does.

"Yeah, of course. I know that," she responds quickly. "It's just... uh. I can't see you. Or touch you. It's kinda weird this way, isn't it?"

Negan leans over her and pushes her hair off to one side off her back. "Trust me. I'll make sure you enjoy yourself," he whispers mischievously as he brings his hand down to run his fingers through her folds.

She arches her back at his touch, giving him better access to her most sensitive parts. Soft moans and gasps leave her lips as he continues to work on her with his hand. His expert motions have her on the brink of orgasm in no time.

And then he stops.

"Don't Stop, Negan!" Chuck exclaims through heavy breaths. "What are you doing?" she asks, confused, when he remains motionless behind her. "Why did you stop?" She lifts her shoulders to try to turn to him, but he pushes her back down.

"Shh." Negan keeps his hand on her shoulder, not allowing her to move.

"Did you just shush me?" she asks indignantly.

Negan brings his hand back to her sex, rubbing her with a purposely featherlight touch. But it's enough to cause the heat to build in her core once again. She begins to pant and moan, bunching up the sheets beneath her in clenched fists as he rubs her sensitive bud just the way she likes.

And then he stops.

"Ugh!" she groans. "I was close! Why did you stop?!" Again she tries to lift her shoulders, but is stopped by Negan's palm pressing down on her back.

"I'm sorry, baby." He chuckles. "Why don't you fuckin' tell me what you want me to do?" Negan rubs his hands over her back alluringly.

"What? You know what I want. Just keep doing what you were, but don't stop!"

"Hmm." He begins again, much like before, building her up slowly with his fingers.

She is so ready for her release that she begs him to go faster. "Oh god!" She is on the precipice of a powerful orgasm.

And then he stops.

"Oh my god!" she growls out in frustration. She flips herself over onto her back, not giving Negan the chance to stop her. "Are you kidding me, Negan?!" She shoves his shoulders back in anger and chuckles at her reaction.

He pushes her back into the bed and grabs her hands, pinning them down on either side of her head as he lets out a low laugh. "I'm fucking surprised at your behavior right now, little girl. So fucking naughty!" his rough voice calls out.

"What? What are you playing at?" Chuck is annoyed, but also turned on in a way that she doesn't quite understand.

"Tsk tsk tsk." He runs his fingers over her cheek and grasps her jaw. "Naughty girls don't get what they want," he rasps. He leans forward, turns her head, and brings his lips to her ear to whisper, "So are you gonna be a good fucking girl so I can give you what you want?"

She is a little embarrassed with just how much his words affect her. A small moan escapes her throat and she bites her lips to try to stifle it. She feels his very hard, weeping cock brush against her thigh showing that he is just as turned on as she is. She bucks her hips forwards into his, trying to get him to forget whatever game he is playing and prod him into action.

"Ah ah ah," he chides as he pushes her hips back down. "On your stomach." He stares intensely at her, waiting for her to do as he said.

She looks back up to him, wanting both to obey and defy him in equal measures. In the end, she decides to play along instead of fighting him. She turns over and puts herself in the position he had requested earlier, eager to get going. She doesn't want to be teased any longer.

"There's my good girl," he growls as he enters her from behind agonizingly slowly. And he keeps up the languid pace with seemingly no intention of changing any time soon.

It is almost torture for Chuck. Every time her pleasure builds, Negan slows to a crawl, allowing her to come back down before building her up again. When she lets out a groan of frustration, Negan continues his slow as molasses pace for, what feels like to Chuck, hours.

"Come on, Negan." Her frustration is again turning to anger as Negan keeps her at the same level, aroused but not close to orgasm.

He stills his movement, letting out a growl as he holds her hips tightly to his, stilling her from any movement of her own.

"No no no. Don't stop, Negan! Ugh!" She is so frustrated she's almost in tears.

"But you're not being a very good fuckin' girl, are you?"

"Yes, I am!" she growls.

"That doesn't fuckin' sound like a good girl to me."

She lets out a heavy breath. "Please, Negan. Please keep going. Don't stop," she practically begs.

Negan groans lowly and she feels him twitch inside her. "That's it, baby." He begins to thrust shallowly. "But I think you can do fuckin' better."

"Mmm." Her head is swimming. She can't think of anything but reaching her end at this point. "Please... god. Please, Negan. Will you go faster? I want it so bad." She isn't even really aware of what she had said. She just wants him to move.

"Hmm," he grunts. "How the fuck can I deny you when you sound so fuckin' sweet?" He immediately begins to thrust into her hard and fast, digging his fingers into her hips to pull them back into his.

A strangled cry leaves Chuck's mouth before she can control it. She becomes acutely aware of how loud they are being in that instant. Negan's grunts. The squeaking bed. Skin on skin. Her own cries. She is suddenly embarrassed that anyone close by can probably hear them, so she buries her face into her pillow, muffling her cries of pleasure as he continues his brutal pace.

"Fuck! Don't hold back on me, baby." He brings his hand underneath her, grasping her throat and pulling her face off of the bed, causing her back to arch. "I want to fucking hear my girl sing." He slows his pace and begins to thrust deeply and steadily into her as he lays his body on top of hers. He nips and kisses her skin in a trail from her shoulder to her jaw, continuing to bury himself into her.

Chuck shifts her knees and hips slightly to accommodate Negan's weight. She cries out, her thighs beginning to twitch as this new position has him hitting her in all the right places. She feels her orgasm approaching quickly.

"Negan..."

"Fuck. Just cum for me, baby." He brings his hand down beneath her to rub her clit.

The second his fingers make contact, Chuck's walls pulsate around Negan's hard flesh. She lets out a loud, breathy moan, arching her back and rolling her hips as pure ecstasy poured through her veins. She continues to grunt as her body makes movements of its own accord, her pleasure taking over.

Negan quickly pulls out and cums on her back with a growl, collapsing beside her immediately after. "Goddamn, baby," he starts, breathless. "I think fucking you is my favorite thing to do."

Chuck turns her head to look at him, the rest of her body still feels too heavy to move. "Really?"

" _Negan. Sir."_ The voice of one of the saviors comes out of Negan's radio, still attached to his belt on the ground.

"Goddamnit." He gets off the bed and grabs the radio from the floor. He brings the radio to his mouth and growls out, "What the fuck is it?"

" _We're getting reports from some of the outposts. The storm is really picking up. They're saying it might be a hurricane."_

"A hurricane?" Chuck says as she sits up, cleaning herself with some tissues.

Negan holds his hand out to quiet her. "All saviors on site, meet in the cafeteria. Now," he barks into the radio. "Get dressed," he directs to Chuck as he puts his own clothes back on. "Go up to the wives' lounge. And do not fuckin' leave that room until I come and get you."

"Okay. Are we prepared for a storm like this?"

"Everything's going to be fine, baby girl. Don't fuckin' worry," he replies as he finishes with the last of his clothing. Then he leaves.

— Negan's POV —

I get to the fuckin' cafeteria as fast as I can. Which is a little uncomfortable because I didn't exactly have any fuckin' time to clean my dick off. And I'm still a little hard. But what-the-fuck-ever. Duty calls.

It's before dinner, so the caf should be fuckin' empty of people eating. And it is. I open the doors and see only my saviors, standing around doing fuck all, waiting for me.

"Alright, motherfuckers," I yell out to get their fuckin' attention. "We have a fuckton of shit to get done and not a lot of fuckin' time to do it. Looks like a fuckin' hurricane is coming and we need to get this place ready."

I put my men into groups and direct them to where they are supposed to go. The fuckin' biggest and most important group is the one moving all the food from the first floor pantry to the second floor. We don't need to lose any food if this place gets fucking flooded. I have some other saviors moving other goods, clothes and shit upstairs, too. The rest of it would just have to be picked up off the fuckin' floor and put on shelves and shit.

I stand back and fuckin' think about what more we need to do as those saviors get to work. I look off to my right and see one of my saviors, a young fuckin' dude, standing beside me, fuckin' eyeballing the shit outta me.

"What the fuck you staring at? You never see a man fuckin' thinking before?" I say with fuckin' attitude.

"Sorry, sir. It's not- uh..."

"Spit it out!"

"You smell like pussy, sir."

Shit.

"I'll take that as a fuckin' compliment cuz nothing smells better than fuckin' pussy!" I move around the room and away from that fuckin' guy. Chuck would fuckin' kill me if I talked about our fuck-capades. "We got anything to cover up some of these fuckin' windows?" I ask to no one in particular as I wave my hand around.

"Probably not, sir. We don't keep any plywood or anything here," someone answers.

Fuck. We really should've prepared for this. Hurricane damage isn't exactly fuckin' unheard of around here. Shit, I remember a few really bad storms over my life here.

"Round up all the fuckin' workers and get them on the second floor. We're all staying there until this fuckin' storm passes. Tell them to grab their blankets and pillows and shit and fill all the available rooms up there with people." I scratch my beard. "Except the rec room. That'll be for me and the wives. Find some shit to cover the windows of the rooms we'll all be fuckin' staying in. Don't need any broken glass in our fuckin' beds and shit."

I direct more saviors to help Carson secure the infirmary. Another group to secure the fuckin' armory. And another group to help the gardeners finish up protecting the crops and secure the few animals we have. If this storm fucks up the communities that provide for us, we're gonna need to rely on our fuckin' gardens to keep us fuckin' fed.

"Everyone else still here, secure the fuckin' fence! Any place that looks like a weak spot, fuckin' reinforce that shit with whatever you can. This storm is enough of a shit show on its own. We don't need a fuckin' horde of dead fuckers on our asses, too."

"Hey, boss." Simon's voice comes from behind me. "I think we should park one of the trucks in front of the gate. For extra reinforcement, you know. No one will be able to be out there on guard duty if the wind picks up." As soon as he finishes talking, he gives me a face. And I know why.

"Yeah. I know. I smell like fuckin' pussy. This shit interrupted me."

"Which wife was it?"

"Like I want you fuckin' distracted with thoughts of me giving it good to one of the wives." Yeah. I'm not saying I was just in Chuck's pussy to Simon right now. I laugh at him and he joins in. "We have more important shit to do here. Let's fuckin' go." Me and Simon start to head off to the garage. "We should use the shittiest truck in case it gets fucked up."

As soon as we get to the doors leading to the outside, we can tell shit is gonna get bad. The door practically flys out of Simon's hand the second he opens it from a gust of wind. We run to the garage, getting fuckin' drenched the whole way. As we go, I could see my men going along the fence checking for weaknesses. They probably won't be able to be out here much longer. We get to the garage doors and hurry the fuck in.

"Holy shit! What's going on outside?" one of the mechanics calls out when we enter the room.

"Fuckin' hurricane. Get into the main building and up to the second floor. We're all gonna wait this motherfucker out together," I direct at the few people in the room.

Simon points to the shittiest truck and we get in it. He positioned it longways as close to the gate as he fuckin' can, sealing it off from anything that might want to come in. We get out and I yell up to the guards.

"Get the fuck inside! You can't be out here anymore!"

They obey and run indoors. I give the signal to everyone else that is still outside to head in. Shit is getting bad fuckin' quick. The wind picks up fuckin' instantly and it is raining so fuckin' hard that the ground starts to flood under my feet.

We all make it back inside, soaked to the fuckin' bone.

"Everyone up on the second floor?" I ask the nearest dry savior.

"All the workers are, sir. And most of the saviors are finishing up and headed that way. You're wives are the only ones left."

"I'll fuckin' get them myself."

Fuck. Shit is getting bad. I really hope this shit doesn't kill us all.


	17. Chapter 17

Chuck cleans herself up, pulls her clothing on, and leaves her room. Negan had told her to go to the wives' lounge and that's exactly what she's going to do. She hurries into the stairwell and up the stairs, pausing only to peek out of a window to check on what it looks like outside. Rain is falling in sheets against the glass, obscuring the rest of her view outside. She was never scared of storms, but that was before. Now, there aren't any emergency services to rely on if things get really bad. She pushes the thought from her head as she ascends the rest of the way to the fifth floor and enters the hallway.

Jose quickly points his gun at Chuck as she hurries through the door. She lets out a yip and throws her hands in the air.

"Shit, Chuck!" He puts down gun. "I almost shot you."

"I'm sorry." She lowers her hands and lets out a sigh of relief.

"Is something going on down there? I heard the call for a meeting, but I didn't want to leave the girls by themselves. We're not under attack, right?"

"No. It's the storm outside. It's getting really bad. People are saying it's a hurricane. I guess Negan and the saviors must be meeting to get everything ready," Chuck answers.

"Shit." Jose scratches the back of his neck. He looks nervous.

"Negan told me to come up here and wait for him."

"Yeah, sure. If you or the ladies need anything, just give me a holler."

Chuck walks the rest of the way to the wives' lounge with a little reticence. She hasn't seen the wives since before the Amber revelation and she's not sure how they will receive her.

The wives are all huddled around the windows, looking down at The Sanctuary below when Chuck looks through the doorway into the lounge. She knocks on the open door to get the wives' attention. If they are going to kick her out, she'd rather it to be right now instead of later.

Tonya turns to Chuck and asks, "You see this shit?" as she throws her thumb over her shoulder at the window.

"Uh. Yeah. That's why I'm here. The storm could be a hurricane and it might get a lot worse. Negan told me to wait up here for him with you guys."

"Oh my god! A hurricane?!" Kayla exclaims. "What are we gonna do?!"

"It'll be okay, Kayla. Just stay calm," Sherry reassures her.

"This is bad," Frankie says as she shakes her head and bites at her nails.

"What is Negan doing right now?" Sherry asks.

"I'm not sure," Chuck starts. "He was meeting with the saviors. That's all I know," Chuck answers as she lurks by the door.

Tonya starts to back up. "Maybe we should get away from the windows. Hurricane force winds can launch limbs and stuff hundreds of feet."

The wives heed her warning and move to the center of the room. Kayla moves closer to Sherry and practically nuzzles into her side. Frankie and Tonya have their arms around each other, comforting one another.

Chuck feels very awkward standing by herself by the door. She doesn't really know what to say or do in this situation.

"Should we be doing something to prepare?" Frankie asks to no one in particular.

"You said Negan is coming up here?" Sherry asks Chuck.

"Well, he said not to leave until he came up here. So I guess he's planning on coming up at some point." Chuck shrugs, still uncomfortable with the elephant in the room.

Kayla left Sherry's side and goes to Chuck. She gives her a big hug and takes her hand. "Get in here. We should all stay together." She leads Chuck to one of the couches and sits beside her. The rest of the women take their seats as well, worried looks still on their faces.

"We've never had anything like a hurricane happen before," Frankie states.

"I wonder where Amber is right now." Kayla muses. "I hope she's safe."

Chuck instantly tenses up and looks away from the wives. She feels so guilty about telling Negan Amber's secret. Her eyes well up with tears and she tries to clear her throat of the lump that is building.

"Chuck?" Sherry says softly.

"I'm so sorry," Chuck chokes out as her tears spill over. "I didn't want to tell Negan about Amber. And I had no idea that Amber would get kicked out."

 _God. When did I become such a blubbering mess? Keep it together, Chuck._

Kayla gives Chuck a reassuring hug as Sherry rubs her shoulder.

"It's okay," Sherry consoles.

"I-I didn't know about Mark. Amber told me the baby was Negan's. She said she wanted to give Negan the news and I-I really meant to let her do it herself. I wasn't gonna tell him. But Negan figured out I was keeping something because I'm horrible at lying!" Chuck starts to hyperventilate a little. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean- I understand if-if you don't want me h-here..."

Both Kayla and Sherry hug Chuck tightly.

Tonya leaves her couch and crouches in front of Chuck, placing her hands on Chuck's knees. "We know you didn't do it on purpose, sweetie."

"We don't blame you," Frankie says from the other couch. "Amber made the mistake. And Negan was the one who hurt Mark. None of it was your fault."

"We knew it was only a matter of time before it got out," Sherry explains as Chuck begins to calm down. "Amber was in so much denial. She refused to believe that she was even pregnant. We all knew it. And we knew it wasn't Negan's."

"We tried to convince her to go to the doctor sooner. For the baby. But she refused," Kayla adds. "We were glad when you convinced her to see you in the infirmary, even if you didn't exactly know why. She said you were really nice to her when she told you..."

Chuck looks up to the women. "Does she hate me?"

"I don't think so," Tonya answers.

"I think she was a little relieved that you told Negan, to be honest. She worked herself up so much having to keep that secret. She was so scared to tell him," Sherry responds as she continues to rub Chuck's shoulder in reassurance.

The women sit in silence for a few minutes while Chuck composes herself.

"Thank you for being so understanding," Chuck says to the women with a smile and they reciprocate.

The women start up some small talk, but the conversation dies down as the wind outside picks up. The creaking of the building and windows rattling brings anxiety to the women. They all listen as rain pounds the roof and debris bounces off the outer walls. Kayla is near hysterics, with Sherry trying desperately to calm her.

When they hear the door to the stairwell open, they know Negan is coming. They all stand and wait for his orders to come.

"Alright, girls," Negan calls out as he enters the room, water dripping off his drenched clothes. "Looks like a fuckin' hurricane is brewing, so I need you girls to gather blankets and pillows and shit. We're going to be moving into the second floor rec room until this shit fuckin' passes."

"So it really is a hurricane?!" Kayla asks through tears.

Negan sets Lucille by the door and walks over to bring her into a hug. She latches onto him instantly even though his clothes are wet. "I know you don't like storms, darling. But we'll be just fine. I got everything already taken care of. No worries, okay?" He rubs her back, then pulls away. "Go to your rooms and get your shit now. And someone grab some extra shit for Chuck. She's coming, too."

The women all start to leave, but Chuck stays behind.

"Are we really prepared for this?" Chuck asks Negan when they are alone. She isn't sure if Negan was telling the truth or just trying to calm Kayla down when he said everything was taken care of.

"As prepared as we're gonna fuckin' be." Negan moves in front of Chuck and cradles her cheeks in his hands.

"They're afraid," Chuck says of the wives.

"Are you?" He caresses her cheeks with his thumbs and gives her a sweet kiss.

"A little."

He continues to pepper her face and lips with kisses as they speak. "Nothing is going to happen to you. I fuckin' promise."

"You can't promise that."

"But I am."

Negan gives her another kiss on her lips. It's slow, but passionate.

"Ahem!"

Negan breaks away and turns to look at the door. With Negan now out of the way, Chuck can see Tonya and Frankie in the doorway, pillows and blankets in their hands, backpacks on their backs.

"Good." Negan walks away from Chuck and pushes past Tonya and Frankie to peek his head into the hallway. "Jose! Get your fatass over here!" he yells and walks back in the room.

Tonya and Frankie throw their things on a couch and wait with Chuck for Sherry and Kayla.

Jose enters. "Yeah, sir?"

"You're gonna help the girls carry their shit down to the second floor rec room. You and Sam will keep your normal guard schedule down there. Understand me? Even in this shit, you still protect the girls," Negan demands.

"Yes, sir," Jose agrees as he moves to gather some of the things from the couch.

"I need to change out of these fuckin' wet clothes. When I get back, we're leaving." Negan says then leaves the room.

Sherry and Kayla enter with their things, Negan showing up a few minutes later with his own stuff, and they all leave for the second floor. The hallways are filled with people moving supplies around, though no one seems to notice that Chuck is walking with the wives. The people all move to the side and kneel upon seeing Negan.

"As you were! Just keep working! Get this shit done!" Negan yells out to everyone.

The group makes it to the rec room and sets their things down. There are still a few saviors working in the room, trying to cover the windows with tables, shelves, and anything else they could. A few minutes later, they finish up and leave. Jose takes his position in the hallway guarding the door, as well.

"Alright, ladies. I'll be back later. Stay away from the fuckin' windows. And radio if anything fuckin' happens." Negan gives them all a final look before leaving.

The women look around the room, pacing around lazily, taking stock of their surroundings.

"Well, this is a shithole," Tonya complains as she sits down on the couch.

"It's not that bad, really," Chuck offers with a shrug. There is a small sitting area in the center of the space. Card tables dot the room, as well as a dart board and shelves with books and board games. It seems comfortable and casual, but is a far cry from the opulence of the fifth floor.

"There are only three couches," Frankie observes.

Sherry puts her blankets on one of the loveseats. "We'll make it work."

"Me and Frankie can take this big couch," Tonya provides as she pats the armrest of the couch she is sitting on.

"You can take the other couch, Kayla. I can sleep on the floor," Chuck offers.

"You sure you want the floor? We might be able to squeeze in together..." Kayla says unconvincingly. There is no way two people can fit on that loveseat.

"Yeah. It's okay. I don't mind taking the floor."

The women set up their bedding and change into more comfortable clothes. It is getting late, so the women get into their makeshift beds.

"There's no way I'm going to be able to sleep tonight hearing that storm outside," Kayla whines from her couch.

"Well, _I'm_ going to sleep. Maybe the storm will be over when we wake up in the morning and we can leave and go back home," Tonya says as she lays back on the couch, with Frankie laying down on the opposite end.

"We all should _try_ to get some sleep, at least," Sherry adds, more to Kayla than anyone else.

Despite the fact that Chuck is tired, she tosses and turns on the floor, not being able to get comfortable. She's still awake some time later when the door opens. Negan walks in and takes his jacket off, throwing it on a nearby table. He sets Lucille on a chair and grabs his own blanket and pillow, throwing them down beside Chuck.

"Is everything okay?" she whispers, not wanting to wake the others.

"So far." Negan lays down beside her and pulls her onto his chest. "Why'd you get the floor?"

"I volunteered." She snuggles closer onto Negan, resting her head on his chest. She is a little embarrassed about cuddling with Negan in the same room as his wives, but Negan is much more comfortable than the floor. Chuck lets out a yawn and closes her eyes.

"Get some sleep, baby girl." He hugs her close and kisses the top of her head.

Chuck falls asleep quickly in his arms.

The next morning, Sam the guard escorts the women to the bathroom to shower, keeping watch outside just like Negan had ordered. When they come back to their temporary housing, Negan is gone, off to do whatever he needs to. A little while later, someone stops by with some food and the wives sit down at one of the tables to eat. Chuck grabs some scrambled eggs and toast, avoiding the bacon. The sight of it makes images of Mark's burned skin flash before her eyes which turns her stomach.

As the women eat, there is an awkward silence between them that Chuck doesn't quite understand.

"Alright," Tonya breaks the silence. "I'm gonna bring it up because no one else is. We all saw you cuddling with Negan," she directs at Chuck.

"What? Uh..." is all Chuck manages to say with her mouth full. Tonya had caught her off guard.

" _I_ didn't see that," Kayla calls out with a smile. "Negan was _cuddling_ with you?"

Chuck swallows her bite. "Uh... yeah, I guess. Is that weird? I mean, yeah, of course it's weird." Chuck shifts nervously in her seat. "Since you guys are all married to him and I'm ...not. But... you know- I wouldn't have slept with him- _near_ him... like that... with you guys in the room, if the floor wasn't so uncomfortable. It was just a comfort thing. You know, cuddling for comfort. Not like _cuddling_ cuddling." She looks up at the wives hesitantly, not sure how they think about the situation. "Are you guys mad at me?"

"No one is mad," Sherry answers. "It's just weird. Negan's not like that. He doesn't... cuddle."

"He doesn't?" Chuck asks. That hasn't been her experience with Negan. He seems to love to cuddle with her.

"Nope. And he doesn't _kiss_ us unless we're fucking. Or he's making a show of it," Tonya adds. "Me and Frankie saw you guys do that, too."

"He _kissed_ you?" Kayla asks, almost astonished.

"Uh. I guess..." Chuck is getting uncomfortable with their questions. She doesn't really spend a lot of time with Negan and the wives together, so she has no reason to think that Negan is any different with them than he is with herself.

Tonya clarifies for the wives, "When we left to get our things. They were making out when we came back into the room."

"We weren't _making out_! He gave me a kiss because... I said I was a little scared. You know... comforting me." She shrugs. "Like he comforted Kayla with a hug."

"I'm confused," Kayla says. "You said you guys were like friends with benefits. Sounds like it's a lot more to me." Her tone is more curious than anything else.

"No. It's just casual. We're friends... with benefits. ...you know," Chuck replies, furrowing her brow that they would think she and Negan were anything more.

"Are you sure about that?" Sherry asks.

Chuck lets out a chuckle. "Of course I'm sure. It's not like we're not in love-"

Chuck is interrupted by the door opening and Negan walking in. All of the wives look to him as Chuck averts her gaze in embarrassment at the conversation she had just had.

"Whoa. What the fuck did I just walk into?" Negan calls out as he studies the faces of all the women.

"Nothing. We're just talking about our periods," Tonya answers with a smirk.

"Ugh! It's breakfast! You discuss that shit over food? That's gross as fuck, ladies." Negan chuckles to himself and sits on the couch with a groan.

"Is everything good? So far?" Kayla nervously asks Negan.

"Yeah, darling. I told you not to worry your pretty little head. Everything's fuckin' fine." Negan leans his head back on the couch and covers his eyes with his arm. Clearly, his day has already been tiring.

The women finish up their breakfasts and set the plates outside to door for someone to pick up. They wander around the room, trying to find something to do to pass the time. Tonya and Sherry begin a game of darts, Frankie picks up a book from one of the shelves and begins to read, Kayla sits down beside Negan, and Chuck looks through the shelf of board games.

Negan's radio goes off every few minutes with updates from different areas. He has saviors stationed in every corner of the building, monitoring the situation outside from the windows, making sure the fence holds. Other saviors are stationed in the barracks and conference room, where the majority of the people are, insuring that everyone is safe.

Some time passes and Chuck joins Sherry and Tonya at the dart board.

"You're supposed to aim for the center part," Tonya jokes at Chuck when her dart barely hits the board.

"I know. I'm just apparently horrible at this." Chuck tries to square her second shot.

"Here, sweetheart." Negan comes up behind Chuck, snaking his left arm around her waist and putting his chin on her right shoulder. "Let me fuckin' help." He takes the dart and her hand into his, lines up the shot, and throws the dart very close to the bullseye.

"That doesn't count," Tonya says with a laugh.

"Throw me a bone here. I'm gonna lose anyway," Chuck whines with a chuckle.

"For someone who can play the fuckin' piano so well, you have shittyass hand/eye coordination when it come to this shit, Chuck." Negan teases.

"Don't be mean," Sherry playfully hits Negan on the arm. "She's never played before."

"It's okay. I know I suck at darts." Chuck says with a shrug and a giggle. "But if you want to play Risk..." Chuck raises an eyebrow. She saw the game on the shelf earlier and had fond memories of playing it in college with the other nerds in her board game club. And unlike darts, she is very good at that game.

"Oh, fuck yes! I _own_ at Risk." Negan doesn't even get the sentence out before he goes to the shelf to retrieve the game. "Who's fuckin' in?" He sets the board on the table.

All the wives and Chuck sit around the table with Negan setting up the board. They go over the rules for the wives that don't know how to play and begin. They play for a long while, Frankie being the first player kicked out, then Sherry, and Kayla.

"You are good at this, Chuck. And brutal as fuck! I might need to let you in on some of my fuckin' strategic meetings." Negan booms as Chuck defeats the last of Tonya's armies.

"Shit!" Tonya yells and everyone laughs.

"It's your turn to go down, Negan," Chuck taunts.

"If you want, baby. I didn't think you'd want an audience, but I don't fuckin' mind," Negan responds with a wink and a lick of his lips.

"What?" Chuck asks in confusion.

"Oh, you're such a sweetheart," Kayla croons to Chuck which causes more confusion.

"Jesus, Negan," Frankie laughs as she shakes her head, with the others giggling, too.

Chuck finally figures out the joke and her face turns beet red. "Negan! I didn't mean- You know what I meant! That's not... funny." Chuck looks around at the wives, completely embarrassed.

"Don't worry about it." Tonya pats Chuck's shoulder. "Just kick his ass! I want to see him lose."

"Oh, I'm not gonna lose," Negan boasts confidently.

Negan and Chuck continue on with the game, both trying their hardest to win. They are pretty evenly matched, but eventually, Chuck edges Negan out and wins the game.

"Motherfucker!" Negan yells, not entirely angrily. "No one has ever beat me at Risk!"

"You underestimated our girl, here," Kayla says proudly as she puts her arm around Chuck's shoulders. The game seemingly took her mind off of the storm.

"We are gonna have a fucking rematch," Negan announces as he points at Chuck.

"You got it. And you know why?" she asks confidently.

Negan licks his lips and gives her a smirk. "And why is that, sweetheart?"

"Because I'll _still_ be able to say that no one has ever beaten _me_ at Risk." She gives him a cheeky smile as she taunts him with his own words.

"Don't get so fucking cocky, little girl. I might have to take you over my knee," he rasps.

Chuck's face blushes furiously again.

"Fuck, yeah! I'm loving this dynamic here." Tonya gestures in between Negan and Chuck. "I would love to see some spanking!" Tonya leans forward, putting her elbows on the table, resting her chin in her hands. The other women laugh, with Chuck, of course, still blushing.

"Stop teasing her!" Kayla says as she giggles. "Both of you."

"But she's so cute!" Tonya gets up and pinches Chuck's cheeks. "I just want to gobble her up!"

All of the women laugh, including Chuck. She is still embarrassed, but glad that the women like her enough to joke around with her.

As everyone is laughing, Sherry casually gets up, grabs her cigarettes, and heads for the door.

"The fuck are you doing, Sherry?" Negan calls out before she opens the door.

"I'm gonna grab a smoke in the stairwell," Sherry throws back over her shoulder.

"Not by your-fucking-self, you are."

"I'll be fine," Sherry responds in a frustrated tone.

"You think?" Negan gets up, grabs Lucille, and walks over to her. "I'll come with. Make sure you don't get into any fuckin' trouble."

— Negan's POV —

Me and Sherry make our way to the stairwell and she lights up.

"When are you gonna quit those fuckin' disgusting things?" I ask as I lean on the wall beside her.

"When people stop finding them and bringing them to me."

"Those things have to be stale as fuck. They're three fuckin' years old. At least."

"A stale cigarette is better than no cigarette."

"That's debatable..." I mutter as I wave away some smoke from my face.

Sherry gives me a weird fuckin' look, but doesn't say anything.

"What?" I ask, a little annoyed.

"You love Chuck, don't you?"

I was not fuckin' expecting _that_ to come out of her mouth, so I just laugh at her. "Where the fuck is this coming from?"

"We all see it. The way you are with her."

I cross my arms as I glare at her. Chuck isn't anyone's business but mine. And I'm fuckin' sick of people questioning me about her. Fuckin' Simon gives me the stink eye every fuckin' time I even mention her. "And how exactly _am_ I with her?" I ask in spite.

"Affectionate," she answers.

"I'm not fuckin' _affectionate_ with you girls?"

"You _fuck_ us. That's not affection."

"You don't even fuck me anymore-"

"That's not the point." She takes a long drag.

I let out a sigh and scratch my beard. "I don't fuckin' _love_ people like that anymore. Me and Chuck have an agreement, okay? We fuck." I shrug. "She doesn't even want to be my fuckin' wife, so-"

Sherry snaps her gaze to me and interrupts. " _Your_ wife?"

"Yeah," I say indignantly. "Are you girls anyone _else's_ wife?" I sarcastically ask.

"You've never called us that. Not once. You always say " _a_ wife" or " _the_ wives". Never " _my_ wife".

That's not fuckin' true. Is it? Everyone knows they're _my_ wives. So what if I don't specifically say that.

"Really, Sherry? You're arguing fuckin' grammar with me?"

The fuck is she on about? What the fuck does it matter what word I use?

"It's more than that. She means more to you than that. Than us. Either you're lying to me right now, or you're lying to yourself about your feelings for her."

"Fuck you, Sherry." She's wrong. Chuck is just...Chuck. I don't love- I love _fucking_ her, that's for fuckin' sure. But I can't fuckin' feel for anyone any more than that. That's a fuckin' weakness that I can't afford.

"If you didn't have feelings for her then why are you getting angry at me? And why aren't you denying it?"

Goddamnit.

I didn't deny it, did I?

Shit. I want out of this fuckin' conversation.

"How fuckin' long does it take you to smoke a goddamn cigarette?" I ask impatiently.

She takes another long drag. "We all love Chuck like a sister. And we'll stand with her, Negan."

"The fuck does that mean?"

"If you do anything to hurt her-"

"I'm not gonna fucking hurt her, Sherry! It's just fuckin' sex. She knows that. It was her fucking idea, for Christ's sake!" I grip Lucille tighter. "We're just... scratching a fuckin' itch with each other."

"And you finding someone else to scratch your itch is so hard? It has to be her?"

"My sex life became none of your fuckin' business when you stopped fucking me," I growl. She is seriously pissing me the fuck off.

"Maybe. But those girls, including Chuck, will _always_ be my business." Sherry butts her cigarette out and turns to walk back upstairs.

"Well, _mama bear_ , I assure you that your cubs are in good fuckin' hands," I hiss at the back of her head as she walks down the hall in front of me.

I've never raised a hand to those women. I've never even raised my fuckin' voice to them. Not really. Not really even to fucking Amber. Shit! What the fuck does she think I'll do to Chuck?

— —


	18. Chapter 18

Negan and Sherry reenter the rec room after Sherry's smoke break to the rest of the women talking about their pasts. Sherry finds a chair at one of the tables and sits down as Negan sets Lucille on another table and leans against it.

"I had this lady come in and want platinum blonde hair and her hair was jet black!" Tonya continues on with her horror stories from her old job. "I told her it would take several sessions, but that bitch wasn't having it. She told me I was just trying to get more money out of her. A week later she comes back in with fried to shit, _bright orange_ hair and asked me to fix it. She tried to bleach it at home, by herself, _in one sitting_!"

"Did you fix it for her?" Chuck asks with a chuckle.

"She fucked her hair up so bad the only thing I could do was cut it into a pixie cut. It was cute, though. I made it work. But I probably should've told her her to fuck off after she was such a bitch."

"You think _that's_ bad. You can't even imagine how many guys get wood during a massage! And they were never the kind of guys you would want to see that way." Frankie starts with her own horror story, "This one guy-"

"Alright, alright," Negan interrupts. "I don't want to hear about fuckin' gross ass boners."

"Come on Negan." Kayla giggles. "We're just exchanging war stories from our old jobs. And I bet you have some good ones about the kids you used to coach."

Negan shoots Chuck a look before he turns to Kayla. "My past is _my_ fuckin' business," Negan growls.

"I'm sorry," Kayla says quickly as her face drops.

Chuck's face instantly blushes at his icy words. She tries to sink into the couch she is sitting on, hoping Negan and the wives would let the topic drop.

"Negan. Don't-" Sherry begins, but is cut off.

"Shut the fuck up, Sherry," Negan barks out. "I'm sick of your mother hen shit,"

"Jesus Christ, Negan!" Tonya exclaims. "What the fuck is your problem?"

"My _problem_?" Negan spits back as he paces the room. "You fuckin' women seem to be fuckin' allergic to following my goddamn orders!" He stops in front of Chuck and points his finger right in her face. "I fuckin' _told_ you not to tell anyone. And you couldn't even do that," Negan hisses coldly.

Chuck can barely even look up at him. She feels anger, embarrassment, and guilt all at once. Tears start to well up in her eyes no matter how hard she tries to fight them.

"Hey!" Frankie yells, getting his attention. " _You_ told us before that you worked in a school. And _we_ told Chuck that. All she did was confirm what we already knew!"

Kayla and Chuck are both sitting on the couch, tears running down their faces. The other women are in various states of shock at the turn of events.

"Jesus fucking Christ! This is why I don't spend my fuckin' time with you girls." Negan rubs his face and looks to the ceiling.

"Then don't! Find someplace else to sleep tonight. We don't need you here," Tonya bites back.

"I'll sleep where I goddamn want to, _Tonya_. _You_ don't fucking dictate my fuckin' decisions. _None_ of you do!"

"Fuck you, Negan. You son of a bitch," Tonya spits out.

Negan goes over to Tonya and gets in her face. "I'm sick of your shit. So why don't you -and everyone fuckin' else here- mind your own goddamn business when it comes to me and Chuck. That would be fuckin' _great_." He ends in sarcasm.

" _You're_ the one that brought Chuck into this," Frankie responds as she points at Negan. "Not Tonya or Kayla or anyone else."

Every time Chuck hears her name, she cringes. She hates that everyone is so angry because of her.

"What-the-fuck-ever! What I said stands. If you guys have a fucking problem with how I treat Chuck then you can get the fuck out! Join the fuckin' workforce!"

"Hey. Calm down. Don't take this out on them because you're angry at me," Sherry says as she moves toward Negan.

"Why is he angry at you?" Tonya asks Sherry, trying to get to the root of what is going on here.

"It doesn't fuckin' matter. So just drop it," Negan dismisses.

"I asked him about his relationship with Chuck," Sherry answers, ignoring Negan completely.

"Goddamnit! What the fuck did I just say?! And why the fuck do you even care?!" Negan yells.

 _That's it. I can't take them fighting over me anymore. I'm not staying here a second longer as they talk about me like I'm not even here._

Chuck gets up and makes her way to the door with her head down, hoping everyone is too busy fighting to notice.

"Where the fuck are you going?" Negan barks as she passes him.

Chuck doesn't answer, but continues to the door. She opens it slightly, but a large hand comes crashing down on the door above her head, slamming it shut.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Negan growls out and Chuck turns to him hesitantly.

"I'm not staying here anymore," she answers meekly.

"Where the fuck would you go, Chuck?" Negan moves his arms to cage her in place.

"Somewhere," she says with a hitch in her voice.

"That's convincing," Negan replies coldly.

Chuck musters up the courage to answer him more directly. "The barracks."

"Are you fucking kidding me? There's no way in fuckin' hell I'm letting you share a goddamn bunk with god knows fuckin' who!"

"I don't want to be here to listen to you all fight over me!" Chuck yells, losing her cool.

There is a soft knock at the door and Jose's voice came from behind it. " _Everything okay in there, sir?_ "

"Everything's fuckin' peachy. Back to work," Negan calls out roughly.

" _Chuck? You okay?_ "

"Yeah. I'm fine," she answers as evenly as she can.

Negan lets out a little growl, seemingly irked at Jose for wanting Chuck to answer. Both Sam and Jose take their jobs protecting the wives very seriously. Even if they have to protect them from Negan, so it seems.

Negan and Chuck stare at each other for a few moments before Negan pulls away. He walks over and sits on the couch, running his hands through his hair with a sigh.

"This shit is done now. I don't want to hear another fuckin' word about it. We're all gonna fuckin' stay right fuckin' here, _no one_ leaves until this bullshit storm passes and then everything goes back to fuckin' normal. Everybody under-fuckin'-stand that?" Negan looks around to all of the women.

Everyone nods, though not enthusiastically. Tonya leans back on a table, arms crossed, gaze cast anywhere but Negan. Sherry, however, glares at Negan like she is willing him to do something different. Frankie sits down beside Kayla and wraps her in a hug. And Chuck moves away from the door and curls up in an armchair in the corner of the room, discreetly wiping her tears off her cheeks.

Everyone is quiet for a long while. Eventually, the squawking of Negan's radio breaks the silence.

" _Sir. Part of the fence is down on the west side. Tree branch got it._ "

"Shit." Negan groans as he stands from the couch.

"Oh my god!" Kayla exclaims in fear.

"Any biters coming through?" Negan asks into the radio.

" _No. We haven't seen any since the storm began. We figure the wind and rain are keeping them down._ "

"See. Nothing to fucking worry about," Negan throws out to the wives. "I'm coming over to see," he says into the radio and leaves.

The women remain quiet until dinner comes. They all sit around the table and begin to eat their meals.

"Negan is such a dick sometimes," Tonya starts.

"Please don't bring it up, Tonya," Kayla pleads. "I'm sorry I asked him about his past. I didn't think he'd get so upset. This is all my fault," she says into her chest.

Chuck grasps Kayla's shoulder. "No. It's my fault for telling-"

"It's Negan's fault for not being able to deal with his emotions," Sherry interrupts.

The women all nod in agreement.

"Let's just drop it like Negan said," Frankie suggests.

"Of course. Like we always do," Tonya mutters and rolls her eyes. "Every time he gets pissy and blows up, he has to have the last word. And he never compromises! He has this way of making it seem like you get what you want, but you really don't. He never changes."

Chuck has the sudden realization that Tonya is right. "Wow. He _does_ do that."

"How do you even deal with him all the time?" Tonya asks Chuck. "I can only deal with him long enough to cum and that's it."

Even though Chuck is still hurt by what Negan said, she feels the need to defend him. "He's not that bad most of the time."

"Do you guys just fuck 24/7? Because that's all he's good for," Tonya states with a smirk, lightening the mood a bit.

"No! We don't." Chuck giggles a little. "We... hang out, I guess. Like friends."

"I can't really picture him doing _friend_ things," Frankie says.

"He's mostly a normal guy, I think." Chuck shrugs. "He puts on his 'Negan' persona when he's out, but he's just... normal... all the other times. I'm sure you guys see that, too, when you're alone with him."

"Not really," Kayla answers. "I guess he treats us a _little_ differently than the workers or saviors. He makes sure we're okay, but that's really the extent of it." Kayla looks to the other wives for confirmation.

"You're the only one that gets _cuddly, kissyface_ Negan," Tonya says to Chuck in a light tone.

"Oh." Chuck isn't sure how to take this information.

The women finish up dinner and decide to play more games to pass the time. Sherry finds a deck of cards and some chips and the women sit at the table to play some poker. It soon becomes apparent that Chuck has absolutely no poker face.

"I fold," Tonya says.

"Me, too." Frankie sets her cards down.

"Yup." Kayla folds, as well.

"Yeah. Me, too. Chuck obviously has a good hand," Sherry comments with a chuckle.

"Aw. Come on, guys. I actually could've won big on that one." Chuck sets her cards down, a full house, and picks up her measly winnings.

"Oh shit! You girls are playing poker," Negan calls out excitedly from the doorway, like nothing had happened earlier. "Deal me in!" He comes further into the room, closer to the table.

"No way. You're not taking over this game," Sherry says to him as she deals.

"What!? You want me to just sit my ass on the couch by myself with nothing to do?" Negan pouts.

"There are books to read," Tonya replies, not looking up from her cards.

Negan lets out a huff and walks up behind Chuck to peek at her cards. He leans down and brings his hands around her to reorder the cards in her hand and sets two of the cards down.

"Do you mind?" Chuck says with no real bite as she turns to look at Negan.

"Not at all. You're shitty at poker. I'm doing you a fuckin' favor." He takes the cards Sherry puts in front of Chuck and places them in her hand, pulling her hands, and the cards, close to her chest to hide them before she has a chance to see them. "You're fuckin' welcome."

"I didn't even see what they were," Chuck whines as he keeps her cards hidden.

"That's the point, sweetheart. Those fuckin' cards are written all over your face."

"Have you even seen her play, before?" Kayla asks.

"She has like four chips left." He points to her very small pile. "I'm pretty confident her poker face is severely fuckin' lacking." He grabs two of her chips and throws them in the pile.

"Call," Sherry says.

Everyone shows their cards and Chuck wins with three of a kind.

"There you go, sweetheart. I won you some chips," Negan says as he moves away to grab a book from one of the shelves.

"That doesn't count!" Tonya teases.

"Let her take the chips," Sherry says with a giggle.

"Yes! Pity winnings! I love it!" Chuck jokes and gathers her chips.

The women play a few more hands before Negan's radio squawks to life. " _It's clearing up outside. Storm seems to be on its way out, sir._ "

Negan brings the radio to his lips. "First floor, report."

" _We got a couple of inches of water down here, sir. Nothing seems to be too damaged though._ "

"What's it fuckin' look like outside?"

" _One part of the fence is down. We already sent guys out to work on it. No dead in sight. There's shit all over the grounds, though. It's a real mess, sir._ "

"What about the outposts?"

" _They got shit to clean up and some repairs, but nothing too major."_

"Good. First thing tomorrow, everyone fuckin' pitches in to get this place back up and running. And I mean fuckin' everyone. I want this fuckin' shit cleaned up pronto."

" _Copy that, sir._ "

"Does that mean we can sleep upstairs, tonight?" Frankie asks.

"No. We're all staying here until the fuckin' morning," Negan answers.

Kayla clears her throat. "And then we're going to help with the cleanup, too?"

"Fuck no! You ladies will go back upstairs. There's no way I'm having you wives traipsing around unattended with every other motherfucker here thinking he can get away with shit because people will be distracted. That's a recipe for fuckin' disaster if I ever saw one."

"I want to go downstairs to help," Chuck responds.

"The fuck did I just say?" Negan bites back.

"I'm not a wife. I'm just a worker. And if everyone needs to pitch in, isn't it my job to help out?"

"I think you should stay with us," Kayla interjects. "It'll be safer."

Negan gestures to Kayla and looks at Chuck. "See! She gets it."

"I would really rather help out any way I can. Please." Chuck looks up to Negan with wide eyes.

"Fuck..." He rubs his beard and looks back to Chuck. "You're glued to my fuckin' hip tomorrow. Understand."

"Yes."

"I mean it, Chuck. You _never_ leave my fuckin' sight."

"I won't."

The next morning, the wives move back upstairs and Negan leaves to make sure everything is on track for the day. When he gets back, Chuck and Negan leave the rec room to go downstairs to help with the clean up.

"Where are we headed?" Chuck asks.

"Outside. It's a fuckin' mess. That's where most of the fuckin' people are working," Negan answers.

They walk through the halls of the first floor, trying to avoid the people sweeping away mud from the floors. At least _Chuck_ is trying to avoid them. Negan just walks through, never pausing or moving out of the way. He opens the doors to the outside and Chuck is taken aback at the sight.

"Oh my god! It _is_ a mess!," she exclaims.

There are tree limbs, bits of metal, and other debris all over. People are moving back and forth, moving the trash into pickup trucks to be dumped somewhere. Some people are patching up the walls and fences, but most are just clearing the debris from the yards.

"We're headed to the back." Negan leads Chuck around the building to the gardens.

There are several people working in the area including a group of middle aged women who are kneeling in the dirt tending to the plants and soil. Negan and Chuck make their way closer to them.

"How is it, ladies?" Negan asks to the women.

"We lost some plants, but I think overall it'll be okay," one of them answers.

"Good. I know you ladies don't like strangers fuckin' handling your plants, but I brought you another worker to help. And she'll be real fuckin' gentle. I promise," Negan says and pushes Chuck forward.

"Oh, hi." Chuck greets shyly. "I'm Chuck. So, uh... what do you need me to do?"

The women introduce themselves as Patty, Irene, and Natalie. Chuck kneels down in the dirt as Negan walks off to help clear debris nearby. She follows all of the women's specific directions closely, but looks up from the dirt every once in a while to check up on Negan as he helps to clear debris.

Well, not _exactly_ to check up on him.

"Oh, yeah. He needs to lose the jacket more often. He looks absolutely fine in just that T-shirt," Natalie says with a growl and the others giggle.

Chuck looks back from Negan to see that all the other women are staring in his direction, also.

"He's too skinny for me. But I admit that him all sweaty and lifting things is pretty hot," Patty offers.

Chuck looks back down to the dirt, hoping the women won't see the blush crawling across her face. She can admit to herself that Negan is a handsome man and she very much enjoys looking at him, but her shyness keeps her from being able to talk to anyone else about it.

"Don't be so shy, Chuck," Irene says. "You can ogle all you want. And if you work out here in the gardens with us, you're gonna hear some girl talk. So join in."

"Girl talk?" Chuck asks with a smile. This isn't like any girl talk Chuck is familiar with. And she certainly isn't confident enough to talk about Negan or any other man in the ways that they are.

Patty points to Simon who is walking by. "Ooh yeah. Like look at him. Sex on a stick! I like 'em big and muscle-y."

"Simon?" Chuck calls out to the women in a startled tone a little too loudly causing the man to turn to her and come in their direction.

"Shit, Chuck! He heard you!" Patty whispers harshly.

Simon walks over to the garden and looks down at the women before focusing on Chuck. "Heya, angel. What are you doing down there in the dirt?" he asks with a smile.

"Uh..." she looks around to the women who all look shocked at Simon's familiarity with her. "I'm helping with the garden."

"Yeah. I see that. You need something?" he asks, obviously thinking that Chuck had called him over for some reason.

"No," Chuck replies unconfidently.

"Ok, then. Don't work too hard," he says with some confusion as he pats Chuck on the back and turns to walk to Negan.

Natalie lets out a gasp and points at Chuck when Simon walks far enough away. "You're sleeping with Simon!"

"It's always the quiet ones," Irene jokes.

"No! Nonono! I'm not sleeping with Simon. He's just a friend."

"Friend? How did a girl like you become friends with Negan's right hand man?" Patty asked. "That was literally the first time I've ever seen him talk to a worker, you know, _casually_."

"Uh..." Chuck isn't sure how to explain it. She doesn't really want to say that she is close with Negan and that's how she got close to Simon. In the two and a half months she's been at The Sanctuary, she's managed to keep her friendship with Negan quiet. Mostly due to the fact that she isn't close with anyone outside of the top floor. And the saviors that are aware of her closeness to Negan know that it would be a mistake to spread it around.

Chuck inadvertently looks to Negan in her nervousness. When her eyes find him, she sees that he's already staring at her. The women around her follow her gaze, seeing Negan for themselves.

"Holy shit. Are you with _Negan_?" Irene asks in astonishment and the other women gasp.

"What?" Chuck snaps her gaze away from Negan and back to the women. "No! I'm not _with_ Negan. I'm not a ...wife. Obviously." She holds her dirty hands out, showing that she is a worker and not a wife.

"Well, he's looking at you like he wants to pounce on you," Natalie responds.

"Shit. He's coming over here. Shush," Patty whispers quickly and the women go back to working the soil.

Negan, carrying his jacket and Lucille in the same hand, saunters toward the women and looms over them before he speaks. "Getting the job done, ladies?"

"Yes, sir," Irene answers quickly, with the others nodding.

"Well, that just tickles my balls!" Negan laughs. "There's a fuckin' meeting in the main hall in an hour. Be there," he directs to the women as he holds his free hand out to Chuck. "Come on, sweetheart."

Chuck looks around at the knowing smirks on the women's faces and blushes furiously. She takes his hand and stands from the ground, walking away from the gardens by Negan's side.

"What's that look for?" Negan asks as they walk, heading to Negan's room.

"Nothing," Chuck answers.

"No. It's not nothing. You're all blushing and your fuckin' face is all scrunched up."

"Those ladies. They, uh... They were asking about you."

"Asking what?" Negan inquires with a smirk.

"About you... And me," Chuck says quietly.

"I see," Negan scratches his beard. "So the secret's out, huh?" he questions in a somewhat joking tone.

"Well... I said I wasn't _with_ you. Which isn't a lie, technically."

"Did they believe that?" He looks down at her with a smile.

"I don't know." She looks up at him. "Probably not." She shrugs. They start up the stairs to the fifth floor.

Negan lets her go ahead of him. "Don't worry about what they think." Negan pinches her butt with a chuckle.

"Negan!" She bats his hand away then looks around to make sure that no one is around. "We're still in public even if no one is in the stairwell," she growls at him.

He laughs and the pair continues to his apartment in comfortable silence.

"We'll grab a shower and head down to the meeting," Negan says and starts to strip his clothes off.

"Shower _together_?" Chuck asks.

"You getting fuckin' shy on me, now? It's not like we haven't seen each other fuckin' naked before."

"We've never _showered_ together, though."

"So?" Negan, now naked, moves toward Chuck and lifts her shirt up and over her head to get her started.

"Showering is kinda... private. You know?" She begins to assist him in taking off her clothes.

"If you want to rub one out when we're in there, you have my fuckin' permission," he jokes.

"Oh my god, Negan! I didn't mean _that_ kinda private." She hits his shoulder as she lets out a chuckle. "One track mind." She shakes her head and walks past him and into the bathroom.

After showering and redressing, Chuck leaves for the main hall without Negan, allowing him a little bit more time to prep his speech. Chuck maneuvers her way through the crowd of people standing in the main hall to a spot that is a little less densely populated. Everyone waits for a few minutes before the door on the catwalk above them opens up.

Negan walks forward toward the railing and everyone kneels down on their knees. Chuck follows suit, not wanting to look disrespectful around the other workers.

"On your feet!" Negan calls out and everyone rises. "I am pleased. as. punch with the way y'all fuckin' hustled today to get this place spic and span and back to fuckin' normal! This hurricane shit could've knocked us on our motherfuckin' asses, but we all worked together. We all stayed fuckin' calm and we came through the other side of this shit tornado smelling like fuckin' roses!" He gestures to the crowd. "As a reward for you guys being so fucking awesome, everyone is getting a fuckin' surprise at dinner tonight. We are having fuckin' cake for dessert! No points necessary!"

Everyone erupts in applause at the words, including Chuck. Desserts are incredibly rare and usually very expensive.

"Dismissed!" Negan yells out and everyone starts to leave.

Chuck holds back, waiting for the crowd to clear out before she leaves, heading back up to the fifth floor with nothing but sugary confections on her mind.


	19. Chapter 19

Chuck walks into Negan's apartment and finds him, dressed down in just his T-shirt and jeans, pouring himself a glass of whiskey at his kitchen counter.

"Please tell me we get a piece of that cake for dinner," Chuck says as she sits down in the stool in front of Negan.

"Of course, we're getting fuckin' cake with our dinner!" he responds with a smirk. "You think I wouldn't tell the kitchen to save two pieces for me and my girl?" He gulps down the alcohol in his glass in one swallow.

"It is almost embarrassing how excited I am over this cake." Chuck giggles.

"Well, you can thank me properly for it later." Negan wiggles his eyebrows at her and licks his lips.

"I can _thank you_ for it right now," Chuck replies in her most sultry voice. She rounds the counter as Negan follows her with a lustful gaze. Her tongue swipes over her lips and she brings a hand up to lay softly on his arm. Suddenly she gives him a hearty pat on the shoulder and says, "Thank you," cheerily then makes her way into the bedroom. She knows that's not what he meant by a "proper" thank you, but she felt like teasing him.

He gives a low rumbling laugh and follows closely after her. "You're being very fuckin' naughty right now. And bad girls most certainly don't deserve fuckin' cake," he says with a smirk.

Chuck quickly turns back around to him. "Oh my god! I was just joking around! Please let me have the cake," she begs him with wide eyes. She wasn't lying about being overly excited about the cake. The first mention of it practically had her mouth watering and the thought of being denied it shakes her up.

"Shit, baby girl." He chuckles at her reaction. "Don't get upset." He pulls her into a hug. "I was just fucking around, too. You can eat your cake." He kisses her forehead. "Dinner should be up here in twenty fuckin' minutes, so try not to cream your panties too much thinking about that dessert in the meantime."

"Gross, Negan." She hits his shoulder playfully and turns away from him to sit on the couch. "How do you even get anything done around here with your mind so far in the gutter?" She chortles.

He walks over to the couch and sits beside her. "I think I fuckin' manage pretty well." He throws his arm on the back of the couch behind her head.

"Just think what you could accomplish if you let some blood flow to your upstairs brain every once in a while," she jokes. "You'd probably have already found a cure to the virus or whatever that turns the dead alive again."

"You're being sassy as fuck right now." He leans into her and whispers into her ear, "I like it."

"No, no. Nope." She pushes him away. "We're not starting anything until I get my cake."

"Shit! You're really fuckin' serious about that goddamn cake."

She laughs and he joins in. "I am. Cake is amazing and I haven't had any in forever! Don't judge me too hard if I cry a little when I eat it," she jokes.

He gives a booming laugh. "I didn't know you had such a fuckin' sweet tooth."

She points to herself. "Hello? Chubbo right here."

"Please," he dismisses her self deprecating comment.

A little while later, two kitchen workers come up, one with a tray of entrees and one with the dessert tray covered with a metal lid. The workers set the trays on the kitchen counter and leave. Chuck immediately goes straight to the cakes.

"Nope." Negan's strong arm comes around Chuck's waist and pulls her back before she even gets to the tray. "No dessert until after fuckin' dinner. I wouldn't want you to get a tummy ache," he growls into her ear.

"Really, Negan?" she groans out in frustration.

"Sit." Negan leads her to the table and she sits down with a petulant huff. He brings over her entree and sets it in front of her, taking his own plate to his place at the table after. "Bon appetit!" he says cheerily.

"You're enjoying torturing me, aren't you?" Chuck says as she stabs her food with her fork and angrily chews the bite.

"I'm not torturing you, princess," he replies with a grin.

"You are." She takes another bite before she even swallows her first one, trying to eat quickly to get to the dessert faster. She knows that Negan won't let her have that cake until she cleans her plate.

"Slow down. You'll fuckin' puke."

"Ugh!" she growls out, but obeys him and takes smaller bites.

"Good girl." He grins and takes another bite, watching her intently.

Even though she has slowed down considerably, she still finishes her dinner rather quickly. After she pushes her plate away, she gets up from her seat to retrieve her dessert.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Negan stops her in her tracks by holding his arm out in front of her.

"I cleaned my plate, so I'm getting my cake."

" _I'm_ not finished yet, princess." He points to the food still on his plate. "It's fuckin' rude to start dessert before everyone is done."

"No way I'm waiting any longer. I'm getting that cake-"

"Sit!" he growls.

She's caught off guard by his harsh tone. "What? Are you angry with me?" she asks, genuinely not knowing how to take this situation.

"Just sit," he says flatly.

She obeys and takes her seat. "I'm confused." She looks at him with wide eyes.

"Don't fuckin' think about it. Just be a good girl and do as I fuckin' say." His lips crook upwards into a slow smile. "Listen to me."

"But I don't understand why you're being so..." she searches for the right word, " _domineering_ right now." She looks to his smiling face and then it hits her. "Oh my god, Negan. This is a sex thing, isn't it?"

Negan lets out a booming laugh. "Does it look like we're having sex right now?" he asks sarcastically with his arms outstretched.

"No. But that's what this is, isn't it? You're being so dominant. Making me obey you... This is like... bdsm type stuff."

"Bdsm?!" Negan can barely contain his laughs. "Oh, baby girl. You're so fucking adorable. You don't even fuckin' know what bdsm is."

"Yes I do!" she responds defiantly.

"Then what does it fuckin' stand for?"

"Uh..." She quickly loses her confidence. "The d is for... dominatrix and the... m is for master."

"Nope."

"Well, I don't know! But you know what I mean! This," she gestures widely at him, "whole thing you're doing is like... fetish-y... whatever. Stuff. Like... master... and ...daddy stuff."

Negan continues to laugh. "You're just so goddamn cute I can't even take it any more." He piles the rest of his food into his mouth in one bite. "Go get your fuckin' cake," he says with his mouth full.

Chuck immediately stands up and goes to the counter, but pauses before she lifts the lid off of the tray.

"Something wrong?" Negan gives her a knowing look. "You don't fucking want your cake now?" He asks with a smirk.

She realizes that she had obeyed his order to get the cake without thinking about it. "I'm not... submissive."

"Okay," he says in a doubtful tone.

"I would've gotten this cake even if you hadn't given me permission. I mean, I wasn't _waiting_ for you to give me permission."

"Whatever you say, princess."

"Shut up," she says a little defeated and takes the lid off of the tray, grabbing both pieces of the cake. She places both plates in front of her and sits down in her seat.

"Nice try, sweetheart." Negan reaches over the table to pulls one of the plates to himself.

"This better be the best cake in the whole world with what you made me put up with," Chuck says to Negan as she stares at the large slice. "If it isn't, you're gonna have to deal with me bawling my eyes out and probably trying to kill myself," she jokes.

He laughs at her dramatics. "Just take a goddamn bite."

She pushes her fork through the moist white cake and brings it to her lips. The second the sugary goodness touches her tongue, she lets out a moan. "Oh my god. This is amazing!"

"If you keep making fuckin' noises like that, this is definitely gonna turn into a 'sex thing' real fuckin' quick," he teases, throwing her own words back at her.

"I think you might have to take care of yourself after this." She swallows her bite. "Because I'm in love with this cake. I want to marry it and have little cake babies with it. I want to grow old with this cake," she jokes then takes another bite.

He lets out a laugh. "Well, shit. I love a good threesome." Negan takes his first bite, letting out a groan for himself. "Motherfuck, this is good. I knew making that tubby fucker head chef would work out."

The two of them finish their slices, both making noises of contentment at the rare confection.

"Alright, sweetheart. Now let's go fuck."

Chuck laughs at his brazenness. "Jeez, Negan."

"What? I haven't fucked anyone in a few days because of that shitty ass storm. My balls are getting backed up here."

"That sounds like a medical problem. Maybe I should call Dr. Carson and he could give you a _hand_ ," Chuck says with a giggle.

"Did you stumble into that innuendo or was it on fuckin' purpose?"

"That one was intentional this time," Chuck answers with a triumphant grin.

"Not bad. You making fuckin' sex jokes and talking about fetishes... I must be fuckin' rubbing off on you."

"Just like you rub- Wait." She tries to make another joke, but her mind doesn't work quite fast enough.

"Welp, you lost it." Negan laughs.

"No, wait! I can do it! The joke's there. I just gotta find it!"

"That was an easy one and you fuckin' blew it." He continues to chuckle.

"Uh... You'll be... rubbing _yourself_ off tonight!" she says excitedly.

"There it is!" he calls out as he snaps his fingers. "You got there!"

"Yes! See, I can be vulgar, too."

"Speaking of vulgar... Let's fuck."

"God, Negan." She chuckles. "Give me a little bit for my belly to settle. I ate all that food too quickly -because of _you_ \- and then I ate that cake. And I don't want to puke it all up if you start jostling me all around."

"That's hot as shit, Chuck. You really know how to get a guy fuckin' going," Negan quips sarcastically.

"Like you need help getting going."

"Exactly."

She rolls her eyes. "One game of chess, first."

"Fiiiine. Fuck."

They set the board up in the bedroom and begin to play. After a few moves, and Negan moves his knight, Chuck narrows her eyes at him.

"No." She takes his knight and moves it back. "You're making it so I win in like four more moves."

"So? You said one game. You didn't say how fuckin' long that game needed to last."

"You're willing to lose just to get in my pants?" she asks, surprised at his out of character action.

"I don't see it as fuckin' losing, sweetheart. Because I'm still getting what I fuckin' want in the end."

"You're pretty confident in that," Chuck replies with a smirk.

"Oh I am very fuckin' confident in that," Negan rasps with a grin.

Chuck sits back in her chair and crosses her arms. Her stomach is now settled from dinner and she _does_ want to have sex with Negan, but she wants to make him work for it. She wants to show him that she can take control and not just submit to him so easily.

Before really thinking it through, Chuck stands from her seat and walks around the coffee table to stand in front of Negan, between his spread legs. She bends down and lifts his shirt up and over his head.

Negan, now shirtless, sits back in his seat and rests his arms on the back of the couch. "Whatcha doing, sweetheart?" he asks in an almost singsong way.

Chuck is quickly beginning to doubt her resolve in trying to take control away from Negan. Sure, Chuck had her moments of self assurance, but Negan had always been the one to set the pace between them, with Chuck always following. Not that she had ever really realized that before today. The fact that she had inadvertently fallen into the submissive role under Negan so easily has her eager to assert her own dominance.

Negan's intense gaze bores into Chuck as she starts to unbuckle his belt. A wave of anxiety hits her as her fingers gingerly grasp at the button of his jeans. She tugs at his waistband and he lifts his hips to assist her in removing his pants.

 _Maybe I should ask him if this is okay? If he's okay with this?_

 _No! I'm in control here! I can do this. Be confident like he is._

 _What if he doesn't enjoy me like this, though? Ugh. Don't think about that. I have to show him that I'm an assertive, strong woman. I totally am! ...Right?_

Chuck shakes her self conscious thoughts away and pulls at Negan's underwear with purpose. She rips them off his legs and tosses them aside.

Negan doesn't move a muscle or say a word which causes Chuck to overthink the situation further. She knows what she _wants_ to do. She wants to jump in his lap and kiss his face like she's a wild woman. She wants to rake her hands all over his torso and make him squirm under her touch.

As it is, though, she has a hard time even _looking_ at his naked body, her eyes flicking quickly over his bare chest and down to his rapidly hardening cock. She feels so weird that she is fully dressed and he's completely naked. So she starts to take her own clothes off, thinking that leveling the playing field would make her feel better.

That, of course, doesn't work. She feels just as anxious standing naked in front of him as she did fully clothed. And Negan isn't helping. He is still completely silent, smirking up at Chuck and looking completely relaxed.

Suddenly, Negan stands from the couch and walks past Chuck to the side of his bed.

"Wh-What are you doing?" Chuck asks. She wants to demand that he sit back down, but that doesn't happen.

Negan opens the drawer of his bedside table and pulls out a condom. "I got these for you." He sits down on the bed, crosses his legs out in front of him, and leans back on the headboard as cockily as he can. He holds the package in his right hand off the left side of the bed while Chuck stands back by the couch.

She knows he's prodding her into coming to him, but she doesn't want to do that. She doesn't want to relinquish the meager amount of control she has.

"So put it on," Chuck says as she moves to the opposite side of the bed. She crawls on and sits on her knees beside Negan, watching him.

"Alright," Negan responds with a chuckle and a raise of his eyebrows as he puts the condom on. "How far are you gonna fuckin' take this little thing you're doing, sweetheart?"

"What do you mean?" she tries to say innocently.

Negan suddenly grabs Chuck and pulls her underneath him as he rolls on top of her. "You look so fuckin' cute trying to take charge." He kisses her forcefully, taking her breath away. It doesn't take long before he is thrusting into her at a bruising pace.

Chuck is too lost in the sensations to try to fight for dominance. Negan's hands rove over her body, grasping at her curves fervently, leaving bruises, no doubt. He nips and sucks at her chest and shoulders, leaving marks there as well.

Chuck can't hold back any longer and moans loudly as he brings her to orgasm. But Negan isn't done. He shifts her body into a different position, roughly pulling her right leg over to her left to put her on her side in the fetal position. He gathers her hands in front of her and pins them to the bed with his right hand as he enters her again.

This position has Chuck feeling Negan in a whole new way. The fire is rapidly building in her once again as Negan rolls his hips into her.

"Fuck," Negan growls. "I'm gonna make you cum again, princess."Yes, Negan," Chuck moans breathlessly. She can't move much in this position, but she knows she won't last much longer.

Negan's grunts fill Chuck's ears and she feels her release approaching.

"Give it to me, Chuck."

Negan's gruff voice is all she needs to tip over the edge for the second time. She lets out a sharp cry which turns into a low moan. Negan reaches his end seconds later, remaining inside her with the safety of the condom he's wearing. Chuck enjoys the feeling of him inside her this way, and she wishes that she had asked about condoms sooner.

"Fuckin' Christ," Negan groans as he lays down behind Chuck, spooning her. He brings his arm around her and pulls her tightly into his chest. "Did you enjoy yourself?" he whispers into her ear with a smirk.

"Mmhmm." She places her arm on top of his and interlaces her fingers with his own.

"There's no fuckin' shame in liking being taken care of." He gives her sweet kisses on her neck and jaw. "No shame in wanting someone else to take the reins," he breaths into her ear.

Chuck is reminded of her previous mission to show Negan that she can be assertive. "I'm not weak," Chuck says with purpose.

"I know you're not," Negan begins genuinely. "It's not fuckin' weakness to let me take control."

"It isn't?"

"No." He hugs her closer. "If you really want to experiment with this shit, though, we can."

"Experiment? Like... whips and chains?" Chuck asks, somewhat apprehensively.

Negan lets out a rumbling laugh. "That's more of a fucking advanced lesson. I think we'd need to start fuckin' slow."

"Yeah. Okay." She giggles.

"But we can mix things up a little." He places an open mouth kiss on her neck then lifted his head to look down at her body. "Shit." He runs his fingers up her hip and across the bruises that are now forming. "I was too fuckin' rough," he says apologetically.

"It's okay. I just bruise easily. It looks worse than it is. Don't worry about it."

The next morning, Chuck begins her shift in the infirmary helping Carson to straighten up after the storm. Carson and the saviors had made sure to move everything off of the floor, so the flood waters wouldn't ruin anything, which worked well. But now everything needs to be put back into place and reorganized.

Chuck and Carson make short order of the task and wait for patients to come in. There is a soft knock on the doorframe, alerting them to one.

"Hello, Amber," Carson greets the woman sheepishly entering the room.

Chuck isn't sure if she should say something. Or leave altogether in case Amber is upset with her. She decides to wait to see what Amber wants her to do.

"Uh. Hi," Amber responds shyly.

"Can we help you?" Carson asks.

"Um. Can I speak to Chuck? Alone?"

"Sure," Carson answers unsurely and rises from his chair. "I'll be back in fifteen minutes." With that, he leaves.

Amber walks into to room and sits on the exam table without instruction.

"How are you feeling?" Chuck asks, trying to be professional.

"Okay. Still kinda tired. Morning sickness is better, though."

"That's good. Have you been taking the vitamins?"

"Yeah. I'm almost out, though."

"We can give you some more." Chuck feels so awkward not talking about what had happened, but she doesn't want to bring it up. "I know you haven't talked to Dr. Carson, yet. You really should."

"Yeah. After Mark, I was... laying low, I guess. I'll talk to Dr. Carson when he comes back. I just wanted to talk to you- tell you that I want you to be there to help. With the pregnancy."

"You want me to?" Chuck asks, a little choked up. "Even after what I did?"

"I know he made you tell him. And I knew he would get it out of you the second I saw that the test was positive, no matter how hard you would try to keep it secret for me."

"I'm sorry," Chuck says with downcast eyes.

"It's okay. I don't blame you. It was kinda shitty of me to put that on you in the first place."

"I get it. You were freaking out."

"Yeah." Amber lets out a chuckle. "I was."

"You look good, though. Better than the last time I saw you."

"Yeah. Even with having to take care of Mark... I'm happy now. And he still wants to be with me. So we're gonna do this," she puts her hands to her stomach, "together."

"I'm glad," Chuck states genuinely.

"I never should've married Negan." She shakes her head. "It was just... wrong for me. But I didn't know what else to do. With my mom..."

"Well, all that matters now is that you're happy." Chuck gives her a smile. "And that baby, of course."

When Carson returns, he checks Amber out and gives her a rundown of what to expect during the pregnancy. He also sets up a time in a few days for Amber and Mark to have their first ultrasound of the baby. Amber thanks him and gives Chuck a hug before leaving.

"So everything looks good so far?" Chuck asks Carson of Amber.

"So far."

"Can I take these books on pregnancy and delivery to read over at home?" Chuck points to the relevant books on the shelf.

"Sure. You should also talk to Kayla. I assume she'll be involved?"

"As far as I know," Chuck responds. "I'll talk to her. I really don't have any experience with pregnant women, so I have a lot to learn before Amber's baby comes."

That night, Chuck takes the books to Kayla and begins discussing all the things she needs to know to assist Amber in her pregnancy and delivery. Kayla points out the most important parts of the books that Chuck needs to read over and study. Chuck is a little intimidated with the influx of information, but she knows she has time to prepare. Six months approximately.

The next day, Negan informs Chuck that three new people, "the craftsmen" he calls them, are coming in and that she needs to help Carson check them out before Negan officially meets them. Sure enough, Simon and another savior escort two men and one woman into the infirmary just after lunch.

Chuck tends to the woman as Carson checks one of the men. They are both escorted out by a savior when the exam is finished, leaving only the last man to get checked out. He is about Chuck's age, with brown hair and a bushy beard. He isn't as big as Simon, who is leaning against the counter, watching over everyone, but looks to be quite muscular.

"I'll finish the paperwork on the first ones, Charlotte. Would you finish up with our last patient?" Carson directs at Chuck.

"Sure," she answers as she holds her hand out to direct the man to the exam table.

He sits down and stares at Chuck intently. "Chuck?" he questions.

"Yes?" she answers. Then it hits her that no one has used her nickname around the man.

"Shit! You look exactly the same!" the man exclaims, looking Chuck up and down. "You look _great_!"

Chuck gives him a confused look and then turns to Simon as if he might have answers.

"What the fuck is this?" Simon asks forcefully as he walks closer to the new resident.

"It's Brendon," the man says to Chuck as he places his hand on his chest, ignoring Simon's presence. "We were in high school together. Remember me?"

Chuck looks closely at the man and begins to see the resemblance. He is much bigger now than he was the last time she saw him. And his beard makes him practically unrecognizable. "Oh. Uh... yeah. I remember you."

"When they told me at the outpost that 'Negan' was the leader, I was pretty sure I knew who it was. I mean, how many guys are named 'Negan'? But now that I see _you_ here, I'm sure that it's Coach Negan."

"Carson. Get out," Simon orders the doctor and instantly he complies, quickly leaving the room. Simon gets in Brendon's face and growls, "Listen to me, boy, you can't go around talking about Negan's past like that. Ever. If you do, you are gonna have a very bad time here. And we don't want that, do we?" Simon's tone is chilling.

"No," Brendon responds flatly.

"Good." Simon takes a firm hold of Brendon's shoulder. "That past life shit is over. It's in the past. Keep it there."

"Will do," Brendon says cockily.

"You _have_ to keep Negan's past quiet, Brendon," Chuck pleads. "You can't tell anyone that you knew him before. It's for everyone's sake." Chuck never liked the guy in high school, but she still doesn't want him to be on the receiving end of Negan's wrath. Especially since it seems like he doesn't believe that Negan will punish him harshly.

"Alright. I'll keep our secret," Brendon says to Chuck with a smirk.

"Let's just get this shit over with." Simon backs up, allowing Chuck the space to finish the check up.

"So you must be one of Negan's wives that I heard about," Brendon states as Chuck writes on his file.

"No. I'm not a wife," Chuck replies.

"Really?" Brendon asks in a way that shows his disbelief in what she had said.

"I'm a worker. I work in the infirmary. That's why I'm here right now... working," Chuck bites back pointedly.

"I think we're done here," Simon growls and alerts a savior outside to escort Brendon out of the infirmary. Carson reenters, as well, after a moment. "She's leaving with me," Simon calls out to Carson as he leads Chuck into the hallway.

"What are we-" Chuck starts.

"We have to see Negan," Simon cuts her off.

They make their way to Negan's office quickly, Chuck practically jogging to keep up with Simon's long strides. Simon opens the office door and stomps right in with Chuck following behind.

"What's this?" Negan asks from behind his desk as he takes his glasses off and leans back in his chair.

Simon takes one of the seats across from Negan and starts. "We might have a problem with one of the craftsman."

Chuck takes the other seat and looks at Negan, waiting for him to respond. She is a little confused at how alarmed Simon is being.

"Would you care to fucking elaborate?" Negan says, a bit annoyed.

Simon looks to Chuck as if she should be the one to explain.

"Um." Chuck looks from Simon to Negan. "It's Brendon. From my class. He's one of them."

"Are you fuckin' kidding me?" Negan stands from his seat and begins to pace. "That asshole is still alive?"

"He already mentioned you were a coach in front of Carson. And that he knows Chuck." Simon looks from Negan to Chuck with an odd expression. Almost worried.

"Shit. He's gonna be a problem," Negan groans as he looks at the ceiling.

"I think he'll get it," Chuck responds. "After you introduce yourself to him and the others. They'll know not to go against you. To follow the rules."

Negan stands motionless, staring at Chuck. "Yeah." He scratches his beard. "I better get the fuck down there and show the newcomers who's big dick around here. Before that fucker goes mouthing off." He makes his way to the door, grabbing Lucille along the way. "Simon?"

Simon stands and follows behind Negan, heading toward the furnace room and to the new arrivals.


	20. Chapter 20

— Negan's POV —

Me and Simon head to the furnace room to show those new fuckers what's up. Especially fuckin' _Brendon_. He was a little fuckin' asshole in high school and I bet he grew up into an even bigger asshole now. I just hope he has enough sense to fuckin' fall in line here. And stay the fuck away from Chuck. I know he always had his eye on her back then, but that shit is not fuckin' flying here and now. Not one bit.

I walk across the catwalk, hitting Lucille along the fuckin' railing just to make sure all eyes are on me. The three newcomers are standing in a line, giving me a dumbstruck look. Some of my saviors stand behind them making sure they don't do anything fuckin' stupid.

"Well, hello, gentlemen... and lady," I call out as I walk in front of them. "Welcome to The Sanctuary! I'm Negan. I trust you've been told who I am." I pause to look at them. "Now I know y'all have already been put through your paces at the outpost, but just so we're fuckin' crystal clear on what is to be expected _here_ , I'm gonna go over the rules."

I hold up a finger and pace in front of them. "One! _I_ am in charge here! You do what I say when I say it. No exceptions!" I turn to pace the other direction. "Two! Rape and violence against women is. not. tolerated. here. Period! I don't know where you fucks came from or what your fuckin' groups were all about, but if you lay your hands on an unwilling woman here, you will no longer _have_ hands. Or legs. Or a dick because I will personally rip you limb from limb until you are _dead_." I stop in front of the woman and speak more quietly. "And _do not_ be afraid to come forward if some fuck gets fresh with you. Not that I want you to think that will happen because I'm _very_ fuckin' happy to say that we have not had a rape here since the very fuckin' beginning, but shit can still happen." I turn to pace again. "Three! Do not steal! Taking what you don't earn is a _big_ fuckin' no-no. If you want more food, or, shit, that shiny new butt plug you've had your eye on," I put my hand on my chest and lean into Brendon to whisper loudly, "I don't judge," I stand back up, "you work your asses off to get the points to fuckin' _afford_ that shit!" I move in front of the group and hold my arms out wide. "And last, but certainly not fuckin' least, don't be a goddamn asshole! We all have to live here and we all live motherfuckin' well. So don't be a dick and ruin this place. Do your jobs. Keep your noses fuckin' clean and everything will be hunky-fuckin'-dory."

I walk over to the man that _isn't_ Brendon. He's middle aged, probably as fuckin' old as me, with a scraggly beard and a gut. "What's your name?"

"Max," the guy says in a gruff voice.

"You the hunter?"

"Yes, sir. Rifles, bows, snares, traps. Big game, small game, bird. I can do it all. Been hunting my whole life."

"Well that sounds fuckin' excellent. I could definitely go for a fuckin' venison steak every once in a while."

"I can definitely provide that for you. I also use every part of the animal. Every part can be useful for one thing or another."

"That's exactly what I'm fuckin' talking about," I call out to everyone in the room. "This is the shit we need! Can you teach others all that shit?" I ask Max.

"Yes, sir, I can."

"Motherfuckin' right! That is y'all's second purpose here," I say to the new group. "Provide your service. Then teach others. That is how we make this community fuckin' last!"

I walk to the woman. Probably late thirties. Has a soccer mom feel. "And what's your name, honey?"

"Paula."

"Paula," I repeat. She looks intimidated as fuck so I back off a bit. "You're the plant lady."

"Y-Yeah. I can make teas and ointments and stuff from plants. A lot of plants have medicinal qualities if you just know how to use them," she answers quickly.

"Great! You can work in the garden with the ladies. They're a little protective of their shit, but you should fit in fuckin' nicely. And you consult with the doc about what shit he thinks will be useful."

"Yes. Thank you, sir."

"You know where to get these fuckin' plants."

"Yes, sir. I know where they grow."

"We'll set you up with some saviors to get you outside the fuckin' gates to bring that shit back. Start growing that stuff on grounds."

Brendon is next. Motherfucker. He has a big beard and looks like he gained about thirty pounds of muscle since the last time I saw him.

"Name?" I say flatly. I don't want to deal with this fucker, but I can't have people knowing my past and that I knew this kid.

"Brendon, _sir,_ " he says with just a hint of fuckin' attitude.

Oh, you fuckin' dick.

"Brandon, huh?" I intentionally say the wrong name, but he doesn't flinch. "Good with wood, eh?"

"I'm a woodworker, yes. I've spent some time perfecting primitive carpentry techniques, as well."

"The fuck is that?"

"Not relying on modern tools and supplies for every job."

Shit. That's perfect. If he's not a little dick he could get some new buildings up around here. Maybe even a greenhouse for the garden. And make furniture and shit. Shit that will be good for everyone.

"You can teach that shit to others?"

"I should be able to."

"Good." That motherfucker hasn't broken eye contact with me once since I started talking to him. I give him a smirk and continue walking back to the center of the room to finish this shit.

"They've already told you earlier about the fuckin' points system and what you'll be earning. Which starts tomorrow. Now, you'll be escorted to your fuckin' rooms to get situated in. You're all getting rooms up on the third floor complete with new fuckin' roommates. You'll want to make fuckin' nice with them. If you _don't_ make nice and you want a single room, you'll have to spend some of those points you'll start earning to move on up. That shit ain't free." I pause to look over the newcomers for another moment. "Dismissed."

Everyone starts to leave. Except me. I stay firmly in the center of the room. I watch as Simon walks up to fuckin' Brendon and steers him back to me without drawing attention, allowing everyone else to pass. I'm not done with that motherfucker yet. I wait a few more minutes to make sure that everyone else is gone before I speak up.

"We gonna have a fuckin' problem?" I ask as Simon pushes Brendon forward and backs off.

"Not at all, Coach," Brendon spits back with a smug fuckin' smirk on his face.

I waste no time and cold-cock him right in the face. He goes down hard, but isn't knocked out. I lean over him and pull him back up by the shirt.

"Listen to me, motherfucker. I'm not fuckin' joking around with this shit. You step outta line, you lay your hands on something that doesn't belong to you, you try to fuck shit up here and I will fucking kill you. No exaggeration. No hyperbole. I will literally beat you to death." I push him away from me and he falls to the floor. "Get the fuck up."

He's fuckin' slow getting to his feet, but he does. I definitely rung his fuckin' bell. He wipes his lip of fuckin' blood then rights himself.

"We," I gesture between us, " _do not_ have a fuckin' past. Understand? You know _shit_ about what I'm capable of now. And any warm and fuckin' fuzzy feelings you think I might have for you because we _happen_ to have known each other before are absolutely nonexistent. It would be much, _much_ better for you in the long fuckin' term if you just realize that this man before you," I gesture to myself, "is a new fuckin' man that you _just_ met. Got it?"

"Yes," he says with no emotion.

"Good." I lean a bit away from him. "If you're a good boy and do your fuckin' job here, you can have a fuckin' awesome life. The best you could have in this godforsaken shit pile of a world. You could have a full fuckin' belly everyday, buy a bunch of shit -definitely a razor to shave that shit off your face-, maybe even find a girl willing to let you stick your dick in her." I take a step forward and lean into him as he looks up at me. "But all that good shit is up to you. Right now. Because you got a choice. And it's really fuckin' simple. Fall in line. Or don't. _Live_. Or don't. That's it." By the time I finish talking, my face is fuckin' inches away from his. He doesn't take long for his answer.

"I'll choose to live," he responds with as much confidence as he can muster. Which, under the circumstances is not much.

I laugh darkly. "Good. Now get the fuck out of my sight."

I turn and walk to the door, leaving Simon to take Brendon to his room.

I want to just kill the kid and be fuckin' done with it. Every bone in my body is telling me to fuckin' slit his throat, but we can use him here. And I need to think about the greater good.

I just have this bad fuckin' feeling about him. Maybe Chuck's right and I overreact about shit like this and everything will be peachy fuckin' keen with this kid... But I still wanted to tell him to stay the fuck away from Chuck. That is the first fuckin' thing I wanted to tell him, but that would be fuckin' stupid of me. Tipping my hand. He'd know he could use her against me if I'd brought her up. I just fuckin' hope I made it fuckin' clear that he has no choice but to obey me.

And I need to make sure Chuck is as safe as fuckin' possible.

— —

The next day is Amber's scheduled ultrasound. Chuck arrives at the infirmary early to receive some instruction on how to use the ultrasound machine. Carson gives her a cursory run through before Amber and Mark arrive, just a little bit early.

Everyone gives their greetings as Amber lays on the exam table. She eagerly lifts her shirt with no prompting, causing Chuck to giggle.

"I'm excited," Amber says with a big smile.

"I can see that," Chuck replies. "It's cute!" Chuck moves in beside Mark to stand by the bed. Carson is on the opposite side on his stool, readying the ultrasound machine.

"I'm going to apply the gel to your abdomen and we'll get started," Carson offers.

Chuck watches his motions closely so she would know how to operate the machine herself. The gel. The wand. The buttons on the keypad. But all of her attention turns to the screen as the picture emerges.

 _It's a baby. Like an actual baby. Not a blob or anything. I can make out its little face and hands!_

"Oh my god!" Amber's voice brings Chuck back to the room.

"That's our baby," Mark says with an air of wonder.

Chuck feels her eyes well up at the overwhelming emotion in the room. She successfully blinks the tears back before they spill over, wanting to remain a professional at that moment. But it's hard for her to remain unemotional like Carson.

"I'm going to listen to the heartbeat now." Carson hits one of the buttons and the telltale sounds of a tiny heartbeat flood the room.

Chuck can't stop the flow of her tears now. She takes a look at the future parents and sees that both of them have tears of pure joy streaming down their cheeks. Even the fact that Mark is still healing from his burn has no effect on the happiness of this moment for them.

Amber moves her gaze from the screen to Mark. And then over to Chuck.

"Oh, Chuck," Amber says as she releases her hand from Mark's and brings it to Chuck's.

"I'm sorry," Chuck chokes out, embarrassed at her emotion. She wipes her tears with her free hand. "I think there might've been a dust storm in here or something," she jokes.

Mark chuckles at her corny joke and rubs Chuck's back with one hand and holds onto Amber's shoulder with the other.

The door opens up and someone steps inside. "You started without me?!" Kayla says from the doorway.

"Sorry," Amber starts. "I was too excited to wait."

Carson finishes up the exam and determines that mother and baby are perfectly healthy, and at about 15 weeks. After that, he lets Chuck try her hand at administering the ultrasound on her own, with Amber and Mark's permission. They are just happy to get more time seeing their baby. After a few minutes, Chuck gets the hang of it and is able to bring up a clear image of the baby without Carson's help.

After Amber and Mark leave, Kayla informs Chuck that Negan wants her to meet him in his gym.

"Oh?" Chuck asks.

"Yeah. He caught me on my way down and told me to tell you," Kayla explains. "I didn't want to rush you out, though, so I didn't tell you sooner. Amber needed you more than Negan did at that moment anyway."

Chuck lets out a little laugh. "You realize he's gonna give me that sourpuss face for making him wait? And probably say," she puts her best "Negan" voice on, "'My time is effin' important. I could be... like, slapping my meat right now.'" She devolves into a fit of giggles at her less than stellar rendition of him.

"Wow," Kayla laughs with her. "You have a _horrible_ Negan impression."

"Yeah, yeah," Chuck says through her giggles.

Chuck goes to her room to changes into her workout clothes. With everything that had happened recently, Chuck hadn't really had the time to workout with Negan. She figures he wants her to get back into the swing of things regarding her self defense training.

Upon entering the gym, Chuck is surprised to see Simon there, dressed in sweats and a tank top along with Negan in his own sweats.

"Jesus fuckin' Christ, Chuck. How fuckin' long does it take to do a goddamn ultrasound?" Negan calls out to Chuck in a not quite angry voice. "You know I kinda fuckin' run this whole shebang, so my time is fuckin' precious."

"Sorry," she says as she enters the room fully. She's not going to throw Kayla under the bus and tell Negan that she hadn't told her Negan had wanted her until the last minute. "Carson had me try to administer the ultrasound myself and it took a little bit for me to get a hang of it." She comes to stand next to the men. "Hi, Simon."

"Hey, kiddo. How's the future rugrat?" Simon asks.

"Everyone is healthy. And happy."

"So," Negan claps his hands once, effectively changing the subject, "I'm gonna have you go against Simon today. The last time we were fuckin' up here, I noticed you anticipating my moves. You're getting too fuckin' familiar with me, so I'm bringing in someone else. You need to be able to read _other_ fuckin' guys to defend yourself properly."

"Uh... okay," she responds nervously.

"You good with this?" Simon asks.

"Yeah, it's okay," Chuck answers quickly.

Before Chuck can react, Simon comes up from behind her and wraps his arms around her chest, pinning her own arms to her sides.

"Ouch!" she yells. "You're grabbing my boobs too hard!"

Simon instantly lets go and steps back. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to grab your boobs! I was just trying-"

"He didn't grab your tits, Chuck," Negan interrupts with a somewhat condescending tone.

"No. I know. I didn't mean like, 'grab my boobs'. I just meant, like... He was too rough in my... you know," she waves her hand in front of her breasts, "chest region."

"Listen, sweetheart," Negan starts. "You're just gonna have to cowboy up here. You think some sick fuck that _wants_ to hurt you is gonna let up on you because you start fuckin' boohooing? You need to work through it. Keep your mind fuckin' clear and fight." Negan nods at Simon to signal for him to proceed.

Chuck is a little more ready this time. She knows he's coming at her from behind, so she turns away from him and pushes his back away from her as he passes, using his own momentum against him. But he doesn't go down. When Chuck had used that move on Negan, he would always fall to the ground, but Simon is much heavier than Negan and her push doesn't do much.

Simon recovers quickly and comes after her again, this time grabbing both her arms and sweeping her legs out from under her. He holds her up enough that she doesn't slam into the ground, but she is taken down all the same. He straddles her and pins her arms down near her sides. Chuck is just about to try to bring her legs around Simon to twist him off of her, but he shifts. He takes his weight off of her thighs and flips her around onto her stomach underneath him.

Chuck is at a loss. She wracks her brain thinking about what Negan had told her to do in a situation like this, but she can't focus. She tries to push herself up with her hands, but Simon grabbed her wrists and pins them above her head. She feels so powerless in this position.

Powerless like she was back _there_.

A flash of a memory streaks through her mind. Rolling Acres. It was a night when Jacob had come back from a run late. And empty handed. He had taken out his frustrations on her, pinning her down to the bed on her stomach, ripping her clothes off of her so roughly that it tore at her skin.

Negan's voice breaks her out of her horrible memory. "Come on, Chuck. You got this. Kick his ass!"

Chuck can feel her heart pounding in her chest. She feels claustrophobic, panicked. Her breathing picks up, but at the same time, she feels like her lungs are constricted.

"I c-can't..." she chokes out.

"Focus, Chuck!" Negan calls out.

"C-can't brea-the. I n-need-"

"Chuck? You want me to stop?" Simon asks with concern in his voice.

"No!" Negan demands as he comes closer. "She can do this."

She starts to hyperventilate and shake all over. "I can't br-breathe!"

Simon immediately jumps off of her and flips her around in his arms. "Fuck! _Fuck_! I hurt her!" he yells as he holds her.

"She's having a panic attack. Sit her up." Negan crouches down beside her and Simon places her in a seated position.

"Shit. I'm so sorry," Simon says apologetically as he sits back, unsure of what to do.

"Just keep breathing, baby girl." Negan begins to rub her back in a steady rhythm. "Focus on my voice. Breathe in deep." He keeps talking her through her panic attack and, in a few minutes, she is calmed down.

"I'm sorry," she whispers sheepishly. "I don't know why I reacted like that."

"It's my fault. I was too rough or something. I'm sorry Chuck. I feel like shit," Simon says genuinely.

"No. Don't feel bad. It wasn't your fault." She gives him a reassuring smile. She doesn't blame Simon for what had happened. It had been her own misplaced anxiety and bad memories that caused her to panic.

"Well, I think we're fuckin' done for the day," Negan calls out as he stands from the ground. He bends back down to lift Chuck up onto her feet.

"No, no. I can keep going. I'm sorry," Chuck protests. She wants to show Negan and Simon that she can push herself.

"I don't think so, baby girl. You look white as a fuckin' ghost. I think you need to lay the fuck down." Negan responds gently as he leads her to the door.

Chuck turns back around to Simon. "I'm sorry I freaked you out," she says in embarrassment.

"No need to apologize. Just... take a rest and feel better." Simon gives her a goofy smile which makes her giggle.

Negan and Chuck enter Negan's bedroom. Chuck kicks her sneakers off and lays down on his bed. As soon as she lays back, she realizes just how exhausted she feels.

Negan leaves his room then reenters. He holds out a glass of water for her and she takes it, sipping on the drink after she props herself up on the headboard.

"Thanks," she says quietly.

Negan sits down on the bed beside her. "You okay?" he asks as he looks at her intently.

"Yeah. I just feel stupid." She gives him a little shrug and a laugh designed to hide the tears forming in her eyes.

"You don't have to feel stupid, okay? It was just a fuckin' panic attack." Negan takes the glass out of her hand and sets it on the nightstand. "I shouldn't have pushed you so fuckin' hard." Negan cradles her cheeks and wipes her tears with his thumbs.

"No. It wasn't you. Or Simon, even. I just... I don't know." She tries to look away from Negan, but he won't let her turn her head. She clears her throat and continues. "I remembered something that happened. At Rolling Acres. And it just... made me freak out, I guess."

Negan hugs her tightly and positions her laying down on his chest. She snuggles into his shirt and breathes in his familiar scent. It's comforting to her and she relaxes into him even more. She is just about to fall asleep when his voice registers to her.

"Lucille used to get panic attacks," he states quietly, almost to himself. "I'd calm her down. Hold her while she cried..." He trails off.

Chuck squeezes his body and mumbles a sincere "thank you" before sleep overtakes her.

Some time later, Chuck is vaguely aware of Negan leaving the bed, but is still too tired to wake up fully.

"Sweetheart." Negan's voice rouses Chuck from her sleep a few minutes later.

"Yeah?" she answers sleepily.

"Dinner's waiting. You need to fuckin' eat."

Chuck gets up with a yawn and the pair eats their dinner in the kitchen. Chuck picks at her food, but finds that her stomach is sour.

"You're not hungry?" Negan asks.

"My stomach..." Chuck replies. "It gets upset when I... get upset, I guess."

"Hmm. Did you get panic attacks a lot before all this shit? Because you've had two in a fuckin' week now."

"I had them a lot when I was younger. Not really since the start of all this, though. I only had a couple of them at Rolling Acres."

"Should I be worried?" Negan asks in a drawn out way.

"No. I'm fine. I think stuff has just been kinda crazy lately. With Amber and the baby. And _Mark_. Then the storm. And before all that, _you_ got hurt..."

"You have tomorrow off. You're staying right the fuck up here in my room and resting up."

"That's not really necessary. It's not even like I work that much... I'm just being a baby-"

"I'm giving you an official order to plant that ass in my bed tonight and not set a single fuckin' foot out of it all day tomorrow."

Chuck lets out a giggle. "That seems a little unfeasible."

"But before all that," Negan gets up and clears the plates, "get your shoes on. I got a surprise for you."

Chuck goes into the bedroom and puts her sneakers back on. When she comes back out, Negan is waiting by his door with a covered bowl in one hand and Lucille in the other.

"What's that?" Chuck asks, pointing to the bowl.

"You'll see." Negan opens his door and the pair enters the hallway.

They make their way through The Sanctuary and outside the building. The sun is shining low on the horizon, casting long shadows over the grounds.

"Where are we going?" Chuck asks.

"Patience, princess," Negan replies with a smirk.

He leads her to the very back of the property where there are a few trailers that, as far as Chuck knows, are empty or used for storage. Not that Chuck has ever been back there. No one really goes back there.

Negan hands Chuck the bowl and fishes out a key from his pocket. He unlocks the padlock on the door and opens it slowly.

"After you," Negan says as he holds the door open for her.

As soon as Chuck enters the trailer, she hears it. Little mews. From kittens. She searches her eyes around the dark room until she sees a little nest in the corner underneath a counter, with one mommy cat with three little kittens walking around her.

"Oh my god," Chuck whispers as she grins ear to ear. Chuck had always been an animal lover in the time before. And now that she sees these adorable little kitties, she realizes how much she misses having pets.

"Someone found these fuckers near the front gate this morning. I had them moved back here so no dickhead goes and kicks the shit out of them. Momma cat has a nice hole back there behind that counter so she can get out to eat. But I thought you might want to feed her yourself." Negan points to the bowl.

Chuck uncovers it and sees that there are a bunch of scraps of meat in it. She slowly walks closer to the cats and sets it on the ground. The adult cat immediately goes up to the bowl and starts eating. She had obviously been acclimated to people at some point.

Chuck sits on the ground and just watches the cats. Eventually, the mother fills her belly and comes over to Chuck to check her out. She allows Chuck to pet her and even sits in her lap. The babies come over, too, sensing that their mother is at ease with Chuck.

"I hope you realize that these cats are going to live in The Sanctuary with me now," Chuck states.

"That's not happening. They are out here. You can feed them and play with them and shit, but just as long as it's out here," Negan says with a barely hidden chuckle.

"We'll see," Chuck smiles up at Negan standing beside her.

He lets out a laugh. "Oh, will we?"

"You obviously have a soft spot for them if you moved them in here. So I bet you'll move them indoors at some point. You know, when it gets cold."

He chuckles. "Maybe I just have a soft spot for you and thought you'd like to cuddle with the fuckers."

"Well, then you'll let me do what I want and take them inside." She gives him her best cocky smile.

He sucks on his teeth and crouches down to pet one of the kittens. " _Maybe_ ," he starts, "Maybe when they get old enough, you can take _one_."

She lets out a little squeal of excitement.

"No promises!" Negan is quick to add on. "I want to keep a few cats around the grounds. Keep the fuckin' mouse population down."

"Fine. Can I have the key so I can keep feeding them?"

Negan hands her the key and she pockets it. The pair stay in the trailer for a little while longer, playing with the cats, before they go back up to bed.


	21. Chapter 21

Chuck turns over in Negan's bed to see what time it is. 10:24 am. She slept in.

 _Well. Negan did say I was supposed to take the day off after I had that panic attack yesterday. I guess it must've taken it out of me because I didn't even wake up when Negan left this morning._

Chuck gets up, eats a simple breakfast, and takes a shower. Since she is having a lazy day today, she throws on a pair of boy shorts and one of Negan's white tees instead of an actual outfit. She pads out to Negan's office and looks through his bookcase, searching for a nice book to fill her time. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy jumps out at her, so she takes it back to the bedroom and plops down on the bed with it.

She reads for a long time, only stopping to get a drink or use the bathroom. After her latest pause, she crawls back onto the bed from the side, laying down onto her stomach across the bed, facing away from the door. She props herself up on her elbows to continue reading the book as she kicks her feet up in the air and giggles at the words she is reading.

Some time later, a low whistle coming from the doorway startles her. "Goddamn." Negan's raspy voice calls out from behind her.

"Jeez, Negan." She turns on the bed to sit up. "I didn't hear you come in."

Negan licks his lips as he looks her up and down. "What the fuck are you wearing?" he asks in a gravelly tone.

"Oh, uh. I thought you wanted me to be comfortable, so I just put on one of your shirts," she answers, not sure if he is angry that she took something of his. "I can change out of it, if you want. Put my own clothes on."

He doesn't say anything. He just stands by the bed, staring down at her with his bottom lip between his teeth.

She stares back up at him, waiting for him to say something. "Negan?" she prods when he remains silent.

"Fuck," he whispers as he leans over the bed to run his fingers up her arm then cradles her neck. "I'm just thinking about all the shit I'm gonna do to you," he growls and rakes his eyes over her body.

"What?" she giggles in confusion. She isn't exactly sure why the situation turned sexual.

"Stay here." Negan turns away from the bed to walk through the door. "I have a surprise for you," he calls out as he leaves, then returns with a shopping bag, like the kind from upscale stores. He sets the bag on the bed next to Chuck and makes a "ta-da" gesture.

She looks through the bag and scrunches up her face in confusion at the contents. It is filled with lingerie. "What is this?" she asks and holds up some of the articles.

"What does it look like?" He rummages through the bag and holds some more of the clothing up. "Sexy ass underwear," he answers with a smirk.

She chuckles. "I see that. But why are you giving it to me?"

"Because I want you to wear it," he states as if that were obvious.

She lets out a shy laugh and feels her cheeks start to blush. "Why would you want that? I'm not exactly the 'sexy underwear' type. I can't pull this stuff off."

He rummages in the bag some more and pulls out a white and pink lacy balconette bra and matching thong. He sets them in her lap, then moves the bag off the bed. "Put that shit on."

She holds the lingerie up and laughs. "This is ridiculous! I've literally never worn anything like this in my whole life."

"That's the fuckin' point." He removes his jacket and boots. "It occurred to me that no matter how much sex we've had, you're still... inexperienced, so to speak. There's a whole wide world of shit we can do that you're completely unaware of. And I most certainly should be the one to show you that shit."

"Like what?" she asks nervously.

He points to the lingerie in her lap. "Put that on first." He stares at her, waiting for her to do it.

She looks up to him. His intense gaze has her self conscious. "Are you going to keep staring at me like that?"

"Probably."

"Can you not?"

"I've seen you naked before. Many times." He gives her a grin.

She lets out a huff and gets up from the bed. She faces away from him and changes into the thong, then takes her shirt off to change into the bra. She adjusts her breasts to sit in the cups and turns around with her arms outstretched. "Well. How bad do I look?" she asks in a half joking way to try to hide her self consciousness.

"Fuuuuck me," Negan growls adjusts himself in his pants. "My dick is hard as fuck already."

She giggles. "I guess it doesn't take much." She shrugs.

He moves forward and wraps his arms around her waist. "Don't sell yourself fuckin' short, baby girl." He lowers his hands to grab onto her butt cheeks roughly, eliciting a small yip from her. He lets out a low laugh at her reaction and lowers his mouth to whisper in her ear. "You have no idea the shit you do to me."

She feels her ears burn, so she knows that her face must be red. "Really? But I'm not even doing anything."

Negan growls in her ear. "Get on that fuckin' bed right now."

She obeys and crawls onto the bed, lying down in the middle and propping herself up on her elbows.

"Now," Negan begins to remove his clothes. "Give me your hard 'no's."

"What does that mean?"

"The shit you're absolutely against. Shit you don't want me to do." He strips to his underwear and lays down beside her on the bed, facing her. "If we're gonna be experimenting, I need to know that shit."

"Uh. I don't know. I never really thought about that stuff." She turns to face him. "I like the stuff you do already."

"What about spanking?" he suggests with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Is that what you like?"

"Doesn't matter. It's not about me cuz I'm into everything. Pretty much. Just be fuckin' honest and tell me if you think _you'll_ like it."

"Uh. I don't- I mean, not if it hurts," she answers shyly with a shrug.

"Okay." He pauses to think. "Dirty talk?"

"Um. Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Like... not the kind of dirty talk where you call me names. But the kind where you say... uh... nice things about me... But dirty."

"Okay," he chuckles. "I think I get it." He tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear. "Do you like when I take control? Do you want me to take complete control?"

" _Complete_ control?" she asks.

"Like you only do what I fuckin' say. And that's it. I would reward you for obeying and punish you when you fuckin' don't."

"Well... I like to follow your lead, I guess. But I don't like the sounds of punishment."

"You want to take control?"

"I don't think so. It didn't work out too well when I tried. I got too nervous."

"You wanna try some fuckin' rough stuff? Sometimes sweet things like you like that shit."

"You've already been rough."

"No, I haven't. Whatever shit I've done has not been _rough_."

"Oh. Well then, no. I don't want anything rougher than what you've already done."

"Okay." He scratches his beard.

"I feel like I'm being boring," Chuck responds and casts her eyes down.

"Look at me."

She brings her eyes up to his.

"It's not about being fuckin' boring," Negan starts. "I'm just trying to figure out what you like. If you only like sex the way we've been doing it then that's fuckin' great. Because that sex has been hot as shit. I just feel like _I'm_ being too safe and maybe you'd want to go further."

"Yeah. Okay."

"I've tried some stuff with you that you've liked, right?"

"Yeah. I've liked being with you, so far."

Negan rolls over on top of Chuck and begins kissing her neck. "Okay," he whispers in her ear. "Tell me what you want me to do."

"Keep kissing me," she states quietly as she runs her hands up his back.

He kisses her passionately, his mouth moving from her neck back up to her lips before moving back down again.

"You gotta direct me, baby," he says breathlessly. "I'm doing what you fuckin' want."

She lets out a small moan. "Just do what you like."

He lets out a growl of warning.

Chuck gets the hint and knows that she needs to try for him. "Okay. Um. Take your boxers off."

He lets out a chuckle and gets off the bed to remove the last article of his clothing.

"Now come here and take my clothes off," she states with some confidence.

He kneels on the bed and removes her bra, making sure to give her left breast a squeeze as he does so. He moves down her legs and removed her thong, as well, agonizingly slowly. He sits back up beside her, softly running his fingertips over her skin, drawing out goosebumps as he goes.

"Fuck, I love that little birthmark you have," he comments with a smirk.

"You do?" she asks with a scrunched up face. She has no idea why anyone would like such a thing.

He runs his thumb over the mark under her breast then places a soft kiss on it. "Fuck yes, I do." He continues to run his hand over her skin, but makes no move to go any further. He is serious about doing what she tells him to.

"Put on a condom. I... want to have sex with you," she says in a flat voice.

He chuckles. "That's fuckin' vague." He opens his nightstand to remove the condom and puts it on. "There are a fuckton of ways to have sex, sweetheart." He hovers over her and gives her a soft kiss on her lips.

She spreads her legs and wraps them around him, hoping he'd get the hint without her having to say anything. But he doesn't move.

"I want you... inside me, Negan," she finally breaks down and says it. She doesn't really know why saying the words is so hard for her, why asking for what she wants is so hard for her, but it is.

Negan pushes into her slowly, letting out a satisfied groan when he is fully inside of her. "Now what?" he asks with a smirk.

She giggles and hits his shoulder playfully. "Negan!"

He chuckles and begins to roll his hips slowly, thrusting in and out of her in a steady pace. "Fuck. You're so fuckin' perfect."

She smiles and begins to breathe deeply. "You're alright," she jokes.

He laughs. "That's all I get?" He continues his same pace.

"Alright's not bad," she explains between breaths.

Negan speeds his pace up and nuzzles into her neck as he wraps his arms around her. "I'll have to see if I can't get you to fuckin' bump me up to ' _good'_ , at least." He snakes his hand between them to play with her clit.

Within minutes, the two are coming down from their first orgasms. Most of the rest of the night is spent in bed, and sometimes out, experimenting with different positions and behaviors. By the time Chuck is too tired to stay awake any longer, she, and Negan, had learned a lot about her body and exactly what she likes and doesn't like.

The next day, Carson calls Chuck on the radio to ask if she can cover for him in the infirmary. He has contracted a cold and doesn't want to spread it to anyone else. She grabs one of the books she has about complicated deliveries to read if it's slow and goes to the infirmary.

Her morning is busy with handing out medications, but it dies off, giving her time to read. She has just finished the chapter on breach birth when someone comes in.

"Look who it is?" Brendon's smug voice comes from the doorway, causing Chuck to look up at him. "Where's the actual doctor?"

"He's out today. Is there something I can help you with?" She gets up from her chair and moves to stand beside the examination table.

"Yeah." He sits on the table and holds his hand up. "I have a nasty splinter. I tried to get it out, but it's too deep."

She leans in closely to look at it. It is a very large, very deep splinter embedded in his thumb. And Brendon did more damage to it by trying to get it out. "Yup. That's pretty bad. It's not infected yet and we need to get it out before it gets that way. And cover it up," she says in a professional tone. She wants to keep her interactions with Brendon formal. The last thing she wants is for him to start to think that he can treat her like he did in high school.

She walks over to the cabinets and pulls out a few sets of tweezers, some alcohol, and a bandage. She goes to the sink and washes her hands, putting gloves on afterward. The whole time she is doing this, Brendon is talking to her.

"So, you've been here a while, I bet."

"Not really."

"I figured you would've been with Negan after... you know. The fall, I guess. You weren't by his side this whole time?" he asks with a smirk.

"No," she answers tersely.

"Hmm." His tone is one of disbelief.

"He found me out there just like he found you."

"Alright." He gives a dismissive shrug. "So, if you're not with Negan, you with anybody else?" he asks a few moments later.

She ignores his question for the time being and rubs an alcohol pad on his thumb. She sits down on the stool next to the table and begins to inspect his injury closely.

"You know, you look really good," he comments in a deep tone. "You look just like you did in high school, pretty much. Not rough like most people do now."

She continues to prod at the splinter with her tweezers, trying to tune him out. She hopes she can get it out quickly so that she can send Brendon on his way and end this conversation, but the splinter is being stubborn.

"You knew I always had a thing for you, right?"

"Stop it," she bites back, finally having enough of what he is saying.

"What? It's true. You were always so cute. Still are."

She can feel his eyes burning a hole on her face. "Stop it. Stop teasing me. This isn't high school anymore." She keeps her gaze on his hand, afraid that if her eyes meet his, she will cry. All those old feelings from high school come rushing back. All those times she would cry in her room. When her mother would hold her and tell her that high school wasn't forever and that she would find her niche and be successful. That it didn't matter if she didn't have friends because she would find people that would truly love her one day.

"Tease? I never teased you," he says back.

"Yes you did! You teased me mercilessly. You always made fun of how I looked."

"What?" he exclaims with an incredulous chuckle. "Are you kidding me? You thought I was teasing you? I drooled all over you. I always told you how pretty you were."

"Shut up. I'm not stupid," she spits out just as she finally gets a hold of the splinter and carefully pulls it out, laying it on the tray beside her after. "I knew you were being sarcastic." She doesn't look up at him, but keeps her gaze to his hand as she cleans, wraps, and tapes his thumb.

"Hey." He brings his free hand up to grasp her chin and forces her to look at him. "The _only_ reason why I never asked you out was because _Negan_ wouldn't let me, or anyone else, near you."

She backs up out of his grasp and goes to the cabinet to get him some antibiotic ointment, trying to keep some semblance of professionalism. "That's not true," she says, facing away from him.

"It is. Just admit that you had a relationship with him in high school. What's the point in lying now?"

"I didn't!" She turns back to him and slams the ointment packets on the tray beside him. "He wouldn't do that with a student. He's not that kind of man."

Brendon chuckles darkly. "Not that kind of-" He shakes his head. "The man has how many wives?! Not to mention he fucked around on his first wife so openly that _everyone_ knew about it!" He stands from the table and walks over to Chuck, backing her up into the counter. "You're trying to tell me he wouldn't fuck a naive schoolgirl with googoo eyes for him?!"

"He didn't. He never did that! He was always my friend." Chuck is losing her cool, her emotions getting the better of her.

"He's a piece of shit, Chuck. How long was he your ' _friend_ ' before he convinced you to let him fuck you, huh?"

"Stop it!" she growls through heavy breaths.

"What did he say to get in your pants? Huh? Did he tell you you were special? The most beautiful thing he'd ever seen? That he'd take care of you? Leave his wife for you? Is that how he did it?" His voice is getting steadily louder as his anger grows.

Tears stream down Chuck's face and her breathing is ragged. She just wants him to leave her alone.

"Tell me. Was he your first? Did he pop your cherry?!"

Before she can think, she brings her fist back and punches him in the jaw. He is stunned for a moment, but grabs her arm viciously and pulls her into him.

"Hey!" the voice of an unfamiliar older man rings out from the doorway. "Son, I suggest you step back from the lady." He comes forward further into the room.

Brendon looks back at the man and then to Chuck, giving her a scowl before letting her go and pushing past the man to leave the infirmary without a word.

"Are you okay, miss?" the elderly worker asks.

"Yeah. I'm fine." She wipes her tears. "Can I help you?"

"I scraped my elbow up good," the man answers and sits on the table. "Was that your boyfriend?"

"No. I knew him before the end and, uh... we weren't friends," she clarifies. "But... let's get a look at your arm." She clears her throat then tends to the man's ailment, trying to be as professional as possible even though she is embarrassed at what he had just seen.

After an uneventful rest of her shift, Chuck heads to the kitchen to pick up the food scraps that Negan told her would be waiting for the cats. She carries the food to the trailer and sets it down, allowing the mommy cat to eat while Chuck plays with the kittens.

After a while, Chuck heads up to Negan's room for her own dinner. Negan is cooking tonight and she can smell it as soon as she opens the door to his office.

"About time you fuckin' got here. Food's almost done," Negan calls out as she enters the kitchen.

"Sorry. I was playing with the kittens." She gets the drinks ready for them and sits at the table.

Negan serves the food and the pair eats, recounting their days. Chuck leaves out the part about Brendon and their fight, knowing that Negan would make a big deal out of it. They finish and both get up to put their plates in the sink, standing side by side. Negan looks down at her and suddenly grasps her arm.

"What the fuck is that?" Negan exclaims in an agitated tone as he holds Chuck's arm up. "Did someone fucking grab you?" He points to the fingerprint bruises on Chuck's arm showcased just underneath her T-shirt sleeve.

"It's nothing." She pulls her arm from his grasp and walks into his bedroom.

He follows after her with heavy steps. "Who the _fuck_ did that?!"

"It's nothing. You know I bruise easily. Don't get angry." She walks over to stand by the bed. "It doesn't even hurt," she adds as a last ditch effort to get him to drop it.

Negan stands in front of her, breathing heavily. "Who?" he growls.

Chuck knows from his tone that he won't let this go. "I hit him first."

"You _hit_ him!?" He gives her a look of confusion that turns into rage. " _Who_?!"

"Brendon," she answers quietly.

Negan looks at her for a beat, then immediately turns around to leave. Chuck catches his arm and pulls him back, halting him.

"Please, Negan. Just let it go," she begs.

"He's fuckin' dead! That fucker attacked you!" he yells as he turns back to her.

"He didn't _attack_ me! He was just being a dick and I punched him and he grabbed me as a reaction! I don't want you to make a big deal out of this. Please."

"I can't..." Negan shakes his head as he paces. "I can't fuckin' let him just hurt you."

"It was nothing! I'll stay away from him. I promise." Chuck is trying her hardest to convince Negan not to freak out about Brendon. She doesn't think it is as big of a deal as Negan does. "It's just residual high school drama. Nothing more."

Negan stares at her intensely, rubbing his beard as he thinks it over.

"If you go after him," Chuck starts softly as she lays her hand on his chest, "it will be so much worse. Everything will get so complicated."

"Not if I just fuckin' kill him like I wanted to from the start."

"I don't want you to kill anyone over me. Even Brendon..." She casts her eyes down. "And he didn't really break any rules. He was just being a jerk, which isn't exactly a crime here," she adds with a little shrug.

He runs his hand up her bruised arm. "What did he fuckin' say to you?" Negan asks with obvious restraint.

"He... He was talking about high school. He wanted me to tell him that we had an affair. He didn't believe me when I said we didn't."

"Why did you hit him?"

"He was being vulgar." Chuck hopes that Negan will accept that answer, but the look on his face says that he wants more. She lets out a huff and elaborates. "He asked if you... took my virginity. But more vulgar than that."

"What did you say to him?"

"I didn't say anything. I just punched him."

"And _that's_ when he fuckin' grabbed you?"

"Yeah. It was kinda my fault. I mean, he was being a dick, but... He didn't just _attack_ me out of nowhere. I did, you know, throw the first punch."

Negan rakes his fingers through his hair. "Fine. I won't bash the fucker's head in. Yet." Negan sits down heavily on his couch. "But so help me god if he raises his hand to you-"

"He won't," Chuck interrupts and sits down beside him. "I'll avoid him. I was only talking to him because he had a splinter that needed extracted and Dr. Carson was out with a cold today."

"Hmm." Negan leans over and pulls Chuck into his lap, placing his mouth next to her ear to whisper to her. "It would be much easier for you to avoid the cocksucker if you just lived up here."

She pulls back and gives him the "really?" look. "I don't think so, Negan."

"Can't blame a guy for trying." Negan kisses her softly, but it quickly became heated, prompting them to continue on to the bed.

— Negan's POV —

Chuck breathes softly into my chest. She had fallen asleep easily right after our fuck session, but I didn't. I can't sleep knowing that fuck put his hands on my girl. It doesn't matter if it was justified or not.

But she's right. Going after him would raise too many questions. About her. Her closeness with me can be fuckin' dangerous for her. If my enemies know what she means to me -whatever the fuck she is to me- they'd use her against me.

The fact that Chuck is so fuckin' quiet and never draws attention to herself has kept our little relationship under wraps with the population at large. Which has been very fuckin' fortunate.

But I know that shit won't last forever.

Probably won't last much longer, if I'm being fuckin' honest.

Fuck. If she would've just agreed to be my wife, I could kill that fucker Brendon and be done with it. Shit, we wouldn't even be in this situation because she wouldn't have even been working in the infirmary today! She'd be up here in my bed 24/7! And Brendon would've never even fuckin' seen her!

But what-the-fuck-ever. That shit's not happening because she doesn't want to be my wife... Well, she doesn't want to be " _a_ wife".

And I understand that.

The wives are flashy by design. And Chuck hates that shit. She doesn't want to be put out there on fuckin' display. And I know that's part of the reason why she doesn't want me to go after Brendon. She doesn't want everyone to fuckin' know she's with me. Because if it gets out, then everyone will fuckin' see her. She won't be able to pass through un-fuckin'-noticed anymore.

And I'm not gonna force that shit on her.

So I'm _not_ gonna go to fuckin' Brendon and tell him to stay the fuck away from my girl. And I'm _not_ gonna beat his face in and tell everyone that it's because he touched what's mine. No. I'm not gonna do those things.

But I _sure as fuck_ am gonna make his life shitty.

I carefully push Chuck away from me and get out of the bed without waking her up. I grab my radio off of the fuckin' nightstand and walk all the way out to the hall.

"Simon," I say into the radio.

" _Yeah, boss?_ " comes the reply.

"Privacy." I switch over to our fuckin' channel and wait for him to get alone and say something.

" _What's up?_ " he asks.

"You at your poker game?"

" _Yeah. Just finishing up._ "

"Who you with?"

" _Dwight, Bill, and TJ._ "

"Good. Tell them to go fuckin' hard on Brendon. Break him in real fuckin' good."

" _He do something?_ "

"He's just a fuckin' prick. Start giving him shitty extra jobs to do when he's not working on his own shit. Keep him fuckin' busy."

" _Sure thing._ "

"And keep my name out of it. Tell the guys not to fuckin' mention me to Brendon."

" _Will do, brother._ "

I quietly go back into my room and cuddle up to Chuck. She stirs a little, but doesn't fuckin' wake up. I give her a little kiss on the head and fall asleep with my arms around her.


	22. Chapter 22

It is early in the morning, the sun just barely above the horizon when Chuck wakes up with Negan's face nuzzled into her neck. He places soft kisses on her jaw and neck as he rubs his hand up and down her torso. She feels his hand ghost over her breast to lightly cup her neck as he continues to kiss beneath her ear.

Chuck smiles softly at the pleasant wake up call. "Negan?" she says sleepily.

He noticeably jumps at her voice. "Jesus Christ! I thought you were asleep."

She giggles. "Sorry." She turns her body to face him. "What are you doing?"

"I just woke up," he answers, not exactly answering her question and completely glossing over the way he was kissing her.

"You were touching me." She likes the way that he was touching her, but it still seems a little out of character for Negan.

"So? I've been touching you since we got into fuckin' bed last night. That's kinda what sleeping together entails," he states with a smirk.

"You know what I meant." She yawns. "Do you always molest me in my sleep?" she jokes.

The horrified look he throws at her makes her chuckle. "Don't fuckin' say that shit. I'm not fuckin' molesting you," he growls out with a frown.

"I'm just joking." She pats him on the chest. "But seriously. Do you usually do that? I'm kinda... curious."

"Are you weirded out?" he asks, almost hesitantly.

"No. It was nice. I just didn't realize you were quite so... amorous in the morning."

Negan rolls on top of her and begins to kiss her lips. "You want me to wake you up when I wake up in the fuckin' morning from now on? Get our fuck on _before_ I leave?"

"I thought mornings were for the wives?" Chuck asks in a joking manner.

"I think I can squeeze you in before them." He tries to move his legs between hers, but she stops him.

"I don't think so, mister." She pushes him off of her with a grunt.

"What? Are you fuckin' mad at me or something?" he asks with furrowed brows.

"I'm not mad at you," she answers with a chuckle. "I'm just tired. I hate early mornings."

"Fine." He leans back over her and gives her a kiss. "I gotta get up anyway." He rolls out of bed and gathers up some clothes to wear. "I want you to stick around up here today."

"Okay," Chuck says as she tries to get back to sleep.

A little while later Chuck is woken up again by Negan, but this time is a lot less pleasant.

" _Motherfucker_!" he yells from his office.

Chuck looks at the clock. 6:43 am. She lets out a groan and gets out of bed, putting some clothes on after, knowing that she won't get back to sleep a second time. She pads out to the office to see what is going on.

Negan is pacing around in front of his desk, his hand raking through his hair, his other hand clutching his radio.

"Is something wrong?" Chuck asks as she approaches him.

He lifts his head to look at her. "Nothing you need to fuckin' worry about. You can go back to bed."

Simon suddenly walks through the office door. "So, Walt died-" Simon stops when he lifts his head and sees Chuck. "Oh, hi," Simon greets awkwardly as he looks from Chuck to Negan.

"Who's Walt and why did he die?" Chuck asks.

"I told you not to worry about it," Negan reiterates.

"If someone's died here, it's kinda my business. You know, since I work with the doctor. Was this guy sick?"

"Walt. He was a good guy. Led an outpost," Simon answers. "He died from an infection."

Negan shoots him a look then turns to Chuck. "See. It wasn't here so it's not your fuckin' problem."

"What kind of infection?" she asks.

"He cut his leg on a fence and no one knew what to do with it, I guess," Simon elaborated.

"Oh no," Chuck gasps. "Don't the outposts have medical supplies?"

Negan lets out a sigh. "Yes, they have fuckin' first aid kits. They're just too fuckin' stupid to realize that you have to actually use them so you don't fuckin' die from a goddamn scraped knee!" Negan is obviously upset that one of his people died unnecessarily. And Chuck figures that he must have been close with Negan if he made him the leader of an outpost.

"Well... I could show them. I could go to the outposts and teach them basic first aid," Chuck offers.

"That's a good idea," Simon starts. "We don't have any nurses or anything out there. If she can teach-"

"Nope." Negan shakes his head and begins to pace. "She's not leaving these fuckin' gates."

"I've left before. When I failed at shooting guns," Chuck explains to Negan. "Remember? That turned out fine."

"We have _five_ fuckin' outposts, Chuck! You'd be out there all fuckin' day. At least!" He stops pacing to stand in front of Chuck. "It's a stupid fuckin' risk. You'd be a sitting fuckin' duck."

"I want to help, Negan. I don't want people to die from stupid things that I could prevent. And you don't want your people to die, either." She looks at Negan with wide eyes. "I'll be with you and whoever else you take with us. It'll be fine."

Negan scratches his beard and lets out a huff. He seems to be thinking it over carefully. "Fine," he spits out after a full minute of silence and walks past Chuck to talk to Simon. "Get the guys together. I guess I'll be making my rounds to the fuckin' outposts today."

"Sure thing, boss." Simon gives Chuck another look before he leaves the office.

Negan grasps Chuck's shoulders and turns her to face him. "You stay by my side the whole fuckin' time. You _do not_ leave me, understand? Not for a fuckin' second. If I need to take a fuckin' piss, you'll be standing right beside me."

"Okay. I won't leave you."

"Go down to your room and change your clothes," he orders. "Heavy boots. Jeans. T-shirt, _not_ a low cut one. And that military type jacket you have."

"Uh. Okay." She is a little confused at the very specific outfit Negan wants. And the fact that he thinks she has any low cut shirts. She has never willingly worn anything low cut in her life.

"Meet me out front in twenty."

She goes to her room and changes her clothes accordingly. Black skinny jeans. Her Batman T-shirt. And the hiking boots that she had picked up in the market a while ago. She throws her hair up in two high pigtail buns and grabs her green bomber jacket to head downstairs.

She exits the main doors and walks to the trucks already parked by the gate. All the men that are standing there turn to watch her approach them.

 _Great. I'm late. And now everyone is staring at me. Ugh. I hope Negan doesn't call any more attention to me._

"There she is!" Negan calls out with his arms held out wide.

"Ugh," Chuck mutters under her breath as she walks up to Negan.

"This here," Negan puts his arm around her shoulder and pulls her into his side, "is Chuck and she is why we are going out today. One of your brothers, a good fuckin' guy that was the first savior I trusted to lead an outpost, died at that first outpost because no one there had the sense to fuckin' clean a goddamn wound out with some fuckin' alcohol and shit." He shakes his head and mutters, "Fuckin' waste." He rubs his hand down his beard and looks back up to his men. "So we have to send our resident medical intern to teach those motherfuckers how to treat basic fuckin' wounds so this shit doesn't fuckin' happen again. Now, my girl here," Negan squeezes her a little, "is very special."

Chuck can feel her cheeks redden. She hopes and prays that Negan is not about to expose their unique friendship to these saviors. She doesn't even recognize any of the men, except for Dwight.

Negan continues, "She has fuckin' medical training, so she is considered precious cargo. If shit goes down, she is to be fuckin' protected. Just like me." He turns his head to look at her. "She knows that she's to be on my hip this whole trip. Right, sweetheart?"

Chuck looks up at him, a little perturbed at why he is making her answer him in front of his men. "Yes, sir." She thought it best to be formal.

A slow grin sneaks across his face. "Good," he growls. "So let's get the fuck on the road!"

All the men get into their cars. Negan drags Chuck to the pickup truck in the middle of the convoy, prompting her to get into the passengers side. He pushes her to the middle of the bench seat and gets in beside her. The driver's door opens moments later and Dwight climbs up into the seat.

Chuck gives Dwight a friendly smile when he glances at her. She never actually talked to the man before, but she has seen him several times. And she knows that he dated Sherry in the past, which has Chuck feeling a little awkward. As far as she knows, Dwight hadn't known that Chuck even existed before this moment, so the fact that she knows more about the man than he does her has her feeling weird.

Dwight starts the truck and sets off, following the car in front of them out of the gate. The uncomfortable bench seat has Chuck shifting a bit, trying to find a better position to sit. Negan, of course, takes up as much room as he possibly can, while Dwight, who is a naturally small man, stays firmly on his side of the seat.

They arrive at the first outpost, which is a building that used to be an old community center and exit the vehicles. Everyone is waiting in the main room for Chuck to begin her lessons.

Chuck is very nervous upon entering. She always hated having to speak in front of people, but she knows doing this is for the best. After a few minutes, when it becomes apparent that the people at this outpost are easygoing and very respectful, Chuck is able to relax. They ask pertinent questions and take her lessons to heart.

When they reenter the vehicles, Chuck is in a very good mood.

"That went really well," she beams.

"You did good, sweetheart," Negan responds.

"Yeah. I didn't know a bunch of that stuff," Dwight adds.

"That's cuz you're a fuckin' dumbass," Negan says with a laugh.

The next outpost goes just as well as the first. Except for the rising temperatures. By the time everyone leaves, the sun is directly overhead and scorching. Chuck takes her jacket off in the car to keep from overheating.

Negan glances over to her and lets out a growl. "That's the fuckin' shirt you picked?"

"Yeah. I like this shirt," she states as she straightens it out a little.

"Is that the fuckin' _tightest_ goddamn shirt you own?" he asks with a tone of disapproval.

She glances down at herself. "It's really not that tight." She pulls the shirt out around her chest. "I mean, I've had it for years..."

 _Maybe it's a little tight. It's certainly tighter than it was before I gained all my weight back._

Dwight glances over at her, seemingly interested in the conversation now.

"Eyes on the fuckin' road, limp dick!" Negan calls out. "See what I'm saying?" Negan says as he holds his hand out to gesture to Dwight as if he had just proven a point.

"I have breasts, Negan. I can't help how they look in shirts."

"You can cover them up so motherfuckers won't eye fuck you."

"It's a million degrees out. Unlike you, I'd rather be more comfortable than fashionable." She gestures to his leather jacket.

"Put the fuckin' coat on, Chuck. Some of these outposts don't exactly have a ton of fuckin' women and I'd rather not have to murder my men today for eyeballing the shit outta what's not theirs."

Chuck sees out of the corner of her eye that Dwight turns to look at them again. He is obviously getting the subtext of this conversation. Chuck glances at him momentarily then puts her head down in embarrassment.

The next outpost is a bit smaller than the first two and is comprised solely of men. No women. Just like Negan had warned. And his attitude is much different when he addresses them.

"Alright, motherfuckers. You dumb shits are gonna learn some basic fuckin' first aid so you don't fuckin' die of gangrene and shit. You treat this girl here," he points to Chuck, "with respect. And everyone keep their fuckin' hands to themselves!"

Everything goes fine for a while, until Chuck tries to demonstrate how to use a tourniquet to stem bleeding from a leg wound. She has a savior volunteer to lay on the ground while she wraps the cloth around his upper thigh, but before she can remove her hands, the man grabs ahold of her wrist and forces her hand to his crotch.

"This is all the medical attention I need from you, sweet tits," he growls as she tries to pull away. All of the men in the room erupt in laughter. Except one.

Negan comes out of nowhere and sharply pulls Chuck off of the man. He kneels down over the man to deliver several blows to his face causing blood to erupt from his nose and split lip.

"What did I fuckin' say to you?!" Negan screams and stands up to lean over the man. "We're fucking leaving. Lesson over!" He jumps up and turns to stomp away from the crowd.

Instead of following Negan, Chuck kneels down to look at the man. "I should really tend to him," Chuck says meekly to no one in particular.

Negan turns back and gives her a warning look, obviously having heard her quiet words. "Have these fuckers do it. You just fuckin' showed them what to do, didn't you?" His tone is ice cold.

Chuck immediately leaves her spot to follow Negan, knowing that if she doesn't, he'll just drag her out.

Everyone gets back into their vehicles and heads to the next outpost. Forced puffs of breath leave Negan's flared nostrils denoting his still simmering rage. Chuck hates it when he's like this. No matter how much she trusts him, he's still an intimidating guy when angry. She can feel the lump build in her throat, but swallows it down, trying to remain unemotional.

"Do you see, Chuck? Do you fuckin' see what I was talking about?" Negan hisses through heavy breaths.

Chuck doesn't think that what happened was that big of a deal. Yes, she's embarrassed and upset about it, but Negan didn't need to get involved. Definitely not violently. But she isn't going to argue with him right now. Especially in front of Dwight.

"Yes. I see," she answers quietly.

They pulls off the main road and Chuck recognizes the area immediately. They are headed to Rolling Acres. A pit forms in her stomach as she thinks about seeing her former home.

There are a few people milling about the grounds as they pull up to the building. Chuck can see that the plots that used to house the gardens before are all cleaned up and sprouting new plants. A smile forms on her lips at the sight.

"Ready, sweetheart?" Negan asks from beside her in the now parked car. It seems that he had calmed down from his earlier state.

"Yeah." She gives him a smile. "They got some crops growing," she points out with a grin.

"Yup. This here outpost is gonna be the bread basket of my Sanctuary. I'm planning on sending more people out here to plant more shit. Get some fuckin animals, too. The skeleton crew here has done fuckin' awesome, so I think it's ready to be fully staffed now."

The saviors are all waiting for them in the main lobby. Chuck's lessons go by quickly and the saviors go back to their jobs.

"Can I walk around a bit?" Chuck asks Negan.

"Just a little. We still have to get to the last outpost and I wanna be back before it gets too fuckin' late."

Negan gives her a little bit of space to roam around the property. Good memories of the first two years of her life here flood her mind.

Playing bocce on the front lawn.

Being babied by Mrs. Anderson. (Chuck didn't mind.)

Helping Mr. Rhodes feed the chickens.

Learning from Dr. Stewart.

Chuck eventually ends up outside her old room. She pushes the door open slowly and finds that the room is completely stripped and empty.

"I had them burn everything in it," Negan explains from behind her.

Chuck turns to look at him then back to the room. "Why? There wasn't anything wrong with the furniture. They could have used that stuff here. It was wasteful to burn it." She trails off at the end as she lowers her head. She isn't sure if she's trying to convince Negan or herself that she is unaffected by seeing her old room.

Negan comes forward and places his arm around her. "That shit was all tainted. I had them burn all the shit in their rooms, too. It wasn't hard to figure out which rooms were whose." Negan turns to hug her fully. "I didn't want their past shit to taint what I want to build here. Okay, baby girl?"

"Yeah. I understand." She nuzzles into his leather jacket for a moment, steadying herself in his familiar scent. "Let's go."

The drive to the last outpost is the longest yet. The horrible bench seat is starting to make Chuck incredibly uncomfortable, causing her to squirm.

"If you don't sit fuckin' still, I'm gonna throw you in the bed of the truck," Negan says between his teeth.

"This middle seat is awful! There's a bar or something in the middle and I have to sit with my legs spread apart over the center gear shift thingy. Or squished on your side. I'm sorry I can't get comfortable. Maybe we should switch seats."

Negan chuckles lowly. "And what do you think the likelihood of that fuckin' happening is?"

"Not great."

"But I will let you sit in my lap if you like," Negan offers with a wink.

"The odds of that happening are even less likely." She gives him a cocky smile and continues to squirm around, looking for a comfortable position.

The last outpost is tiny compared to the others. It seems to have been some sort of ranger station set just off a main road. There are only ten or so saviors stationed there, and they are all waiting in the main office.

The lesson is going great, with the saviors making the situation light with good natured jokes. Chuck thinks that the people here seem like they'd be really awesome to work with and she is actually having fun with them. The lesson is about halfway over when everyone's radios start to go off.

" _Herd incoming._ "

Negan holds his hand up to quiet everyone in the room as he lifts his radio to his mouth. "Report."

" _We led a herd of a hundred or so out past all the outposts. They must've took a hard turn somewhere along the way because they're headed straight for you. We don't have the guys in the vicinity anymore to redirect._ "

"Motherfucker," Negan says under his breath. "ETA?" he barks into the radio.

" _Twenty minutes._ "

"God fucking damnit!" Negan yells.

"Sir? This building has a basement. We can barricade the doors and windows up here and hide down there. The biters should pass us by as long as we're quiet," one of the saviors offers.

Negan gives a nod. "Yeah."

Everyone springs into action. The doors are barred shut and the windows are covered. By the time everyone is done, the very beginning of the herd can be seen down the street.

"Two lookouts stay up here. Stay outta fuckin' sight and keep fuckin' quiet! Everyone else, basement. Radios off," Negan calls out.

The basement is very small and seems to be used for storage for old office equipment. Everyone piles into the tiny room as best as they can and waits. Negan takes Chuck's hand and pushes her all the way to the very back of the room to stand by the back wall.

Leaning down to her, he whispers, "Stay behind me. Don't fuckin' move." He turns back around, Lucille gripped tightly in his right hand, to stare at the only door out of the room, waiting for something to either happen or not.

It's quiet for a while, but then groans and growls of the dead make their way through the walls as the thickest part of the herd passes through. Chuck can feel her anxiety spike at the thought of being in the middle of the horde of dead. To calm herself down and seek comfort, she nuzzles into Negan's back.

Negan holds his left hand out and back, prompting Chuck to take it, which she does without hesitation. She closed her eyes and presses her ear to his back, trying to focus on his breaths and not the dead ones outside.

After about an hour, the lookouts open the door and signal the all clear. Everyone, being sweaty and overheated from the cramped quarters, rushes out into the fresh air of the first floor. Because Negan and Chuck are in the back, they are the last to leave.

Negan turns around and cradles her cheek. "You okay, baby girl."

"Mmhmm." She gives him a little nod.

"Okay," he replies with a soft swipe of his thumb on her cheek.

They ascend the stairs to the main room. All the saviors are taking the barricades from the doors and unblocking the windows.

Negan places his radio to his mouth. "How does the fuckin' route to The Sanctuary look?"

" _Looks clear, sir_ ," comes from the speaker.

"Alright!" Negan calls out to his men. "We're fuckin' leaving. Let's roll out!"

Within minutes the cars are back on the road. The sun is low on the horizon signaling that night would soon descend.

Negan turns slightly to face Chuck in the cab of the truck. "You are never _ever_ leaving The Sanctuary ever again. You fuckin' hear me?" he growls out with some force.

"Okay!" she bites back in reaction before thinking about it. If she had thought about it, she never would've mouthed off to Negan right in front of Dwight.

"Don't give me fuckin' attitude, little girl."

She had never been one to react without thinking, but for some reason right now, she does. "Don't call me little girl!" She feels Dwight shift beside her and immediately realizes her mistake. "I'm sorry, Negan," she backtracks quickly. "I'm just on edge from the herd. I apologize... sir," she tacks on for good measure.

Negan lets out a low growl and turns back to face the front. "Apology accepted. Don't do that shit _ever_ again."

Chuck holds her head low the entire ride home, discreetly swiping tears from her eyes before they could fall. She is tired and embarrassed about what happened in front of Dwight. Not to mention the anxiety still present from the herd.

By the time they pull into the gates, Chuck is ready for bed, which she tells Negan on the way up the stairs.

"You need to fuckin' eat something," he states as they get to the fifth floor.

"I'm not hungry."

"I don't give a shit. You're eating something."

"I'll be fine-"

"We're not doing this again, Chuck. Is this because I fuckin' yelled at you?"

They enter his room and Chuck pull out some pajamas to change into, which Negan lets out a huff at.

"You're that fuckin' pissed at me that you're going to wear pajamas to bed? I fuckin' hate when you wear pajamas."

"I'm not mad at you, okay? I just don't feel good. Everything that happened today has my anxiety level up. My stomach hurts. I have a headache. And I just want to go to sleep." She changes into her pjs and goes to the bathroom to get ready for bed. When she comes out, Negan is in the kitchen making himself something to eat.

" _Come here_ ," he yells to her from the other room.

Chuck lets out a groan and shuffles to the kitchen.

"I'm gonna be gone all day tomorrow. I'm headed back to Rolling Acres with a bunch of guys to fully staff it. Eat. breakfast." he says pointedly. "And lunch. I'll be back to make you fuckin' dinner."

"Okay," she answers.

Negan walks over to her and gives her a kiss on the top of the head. "Go to sleep, baby girl. You did good today."

She gives him a soft smile and gets into bed, falling asleep to the sound of Negan setting up his plans for tomorrow over the radio as he eats.


	23. Chapter 23

— Negan's POV —

I put my radio back on my belt after I finish telling Simon my fuckin' plans for tomorrow. About twenty or so workers are headed off to RA outpost to get it fully operational. And I'm gonna fuckin' oversee all that shit.

I put my fuckin' plates in the sink and head out of my apartment toward the wives' lounge. I'm not getting any off of Chuck tonight, so maybe one of them will oblige. I'd rather have Chuck, but... whatever.

I should ask the wives to make sure Chuck eats tomorrow, too, since I'm gonna be fuckin' off site and she didn't eat tonight. Her emotions have been all over the place lately and the first fuckin' thing she does when she gets upset is stop fuckin' eating. We're not going back to being fuckin' malnourished like before. I will _not_ let that happen.

"Good evening, ladies," I call out as I step into the room. The women are still sitting at their table, finishing up dinner of their own. And none of them say a word to me. Just fuckin' staring at me like I grew a second fuckin' dick. "Okay, then," I say to myself with a chuckle.

I sit my ass down on one of the couches and wait for them to finish their meals. It takes me about three seconds to get bored as shit, so I clear my fuckin' throat to get their attention. Get them to hurry the fuck up.

"What do you want, Negan?" Sherry says to me all bitchily.

"Je- _sus_ _Christ_! The fuck is your problem?" I ask with a laugh. What the fuck has been going on up here that has her panties in a fuckin' bunch?

The women start to clear their plates and Sherry comes out to stand in front of me, arms crossed, foot fuckin' tapping impatiently.

"Well?" she spits out with a shrug.

The other women come out to sit on the couch behind Sherry. Apparently whatever is eating her is eating them, too, because they're all giving me the fuckin' stinkeye. Even Kayla! And she's always a goddamn sweetheart.

"First of all, what the fuck is this attitude?" I wave my hand in front of Sherry. "And second, why the fuck are you acting like I need a reason to visit my own fuckin' wives?"

Tonya lets out an incredulous huff and shakes her head. "You're unbelievable," she says under her breath.

I throw my arms up and look around. I have no fuckin' idea what the fuck _I_ did. I haven't even seen the wives since yesterday morning when I took Kayla back to her room for some fuck time. Maybe it's cuz a didn't fuck any of them this morning. But I was fuckin' busy getting on the road to the outposts!

"You're gonna have to fuckin' help me out here because I have no fuckin' clue why you girls are pissed at me."

Sherry moves back to stand beside Kayla, who is no longer giving me the fuckin' stinkeye, but looks upset. Shit. The fuck happened?

"Yesterday," Kayla begins, "when we were... I didn't bring it up then, but when you were with me, you called me Chuck."

Oh shit.

That can't be. I don't think I did that. Why the fuck would I do that? I've never called any woman by the wrong fuckin' name before. Ever.

I chuckle to cover up my own shock. "You must've misheard, darling. I probably said 'fuck'. They _do_ rhyme."

"Really, Negan?" Sherry groans with a disapproving look on her fuckin' face.

"Were you fuckin' there, Sherry? How the fuck would you know?" Goddamn, Sherry can piss me off sometimes.

"I know what I heard, Negan," Kayla speaks up. "I know what this is here. My place. I know you don't love me or anything, but it still hurt my feelings to think that I'm, you know, second choice when you're with me."

"Look, sweetheart, don't think too much about it," I direct at Kayla. I definitely want to end this conversation quickly. "I wanted to fuck you yesterday, so I did. Easy as that. You weren't my second fuckin' choice."

That was _mostly_ true...

The wives don't look convinced, though. Of fuckin' course. Anything to make my life fuckin' more complicated.

"If you're in love with Chuck, I don't want to have sex with you anymore," Kayla blurts out.

I can't hold back my sudden laugh. Why the fuck do they think I love Chuck so much? That's fuckin' ridiculous. Isn't it?

"Don't be such a dick," Tonya yells.

I stop laughing a little to respond. "I _am_ a dick," I exclaim as I gesture up in the air. "That's the fuckin' point. I don't _feel_ for anyone. You all know that."

"Are you trying to convince us of that or _yourself_?" Sherry scoffs.

Alright. Now Sherry is getting on my last goddamn nerve. "I don't give a shit if you guys believe it or not. You're fuckin' stupid if you don't, but that's on you." I look at Kayla. "And if you don't wanna fuck anymore. Fine. That's your fuckin' prerogative. I mean, Sherry already doesn't fuck me and Tonya and Frankie fuck each other more than me anymore, but what-the-fuck-ever. Your choice. But my dick will be ready when you want a ride." I start to get up to leave.

"It's not like your dick will be too lonely without us," Tonya starts with a sly smirk, "since you'll still be fucking 'I'm-not-in-love-with-her' Chuck." She uses fucking finger quotes.

I halt my movement and turn slightly back to them. "You have a _problem_ with her now?" That shit won't stand if they do. Chuck is here to stay, no matter fuckin' what.

Sherry butts in. "We don't have a problem with Chuck. We have a problem with you lying to yourself. And her."

I glare at her. Why haven't I learned that fucking multiple women always gets fuckin' complicated. And I don't even fuck Sherry!

"Since you think I favor Chuck so much, why don't you guys make sure she eats fuckin' breakfast tomorrow while I'm gone. She's not feeling good." I say it all sarcastic, but I mean it.

I'm almost to the door before Tonya opens her smartass mouth again. "So _that's_ why you were here. To tell us to check up on your _girlfriend_."

I don't fuckin' turn around. I just continue on to my own fuckin' room.

— —

Chuck wakes up to a soft knock on the door.

" _Chuck. It's Sherry,_ " comes from the other side.

"Come in," Chuck calls out then yawns.

Sherry pushes the door open and enters. "Good morning."

"Morning," Chuck greets after sitting up. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Negan told us you didn't feel well and to make sure you ate breakfast. We have a plate waiting for you in the lounge," Sherry says in a friendly tone.

"Ugh. Did he really tell you to do that?" Chuck gets out of bed to follow Sherry out the door.

"Are you sick or something?" Sherry asks casually as they head to the lounge.

"No," Chuck drags out as they walk. "I went off site yesterday and some stuff happened. When we got back I didn't feel like eating, so I just went to bed." By the time Chuck finishes her statement, she's in the lounge. "Since I didn't eat last night, Negan apparently thought I needed assistance this morning," Chuck drones with an unenthusiastic tone.

"What happened yesterday?" Kayla asks, having heard most of what Chuck had said to Sherry.

Chuck sits down, grabbing a plate of scrambled eggs and toast to eat with the other women. "I went to the outposts to teach first aid and a herd went through," Chuck explains before she takes a bite. She's actually very hungry now, her sour stomach from the night before having passed.

"No shit?" Tonya cries out.

"How big was the herd?" Frankie asks.

"About a hundred."

"Wow," Kayla breathes out in shock. "That's scary!"

Chuck shrugs and finishes her food. She hangs out with the wives for a while after breakfast, but they seem weird. Like something is off. They are being nice and joking around, but something is different. She can't quite put her finger on it, but everyone's mood seems weird. Like they don't want to talk about something with her.

Chuck says her goodbyes, telling the wives that she's going to get dressed then take some books outside to read in the sunshine. She dresses in skinny jeans and her Misfits T-shirt and grabs one of the pregnancy textbooks and a Sherlock Holmes mystery and heads outside.

She finds an isolated tree on the property and sits down under it. It provides enough shade so her fair skin won't burn, but the air is still warm enough to be comfortable. She begins to read the medical text until it starts to get too dry, then starts the mystery.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees a streak of orange pass by. She turns her head to see that it is the mommy cat and she's making her way away from the trailers in back.

"Shoot!" Chuck cries out to herself. She gathers her books and walks quickly to her room to get the key to the cats' trailer.

 _I forgot to feed her yesterday! I hope she found something to eat on her own. I'm such an idiot!_

Chuck dumps her books on her bed haphazardly and pockets the key from her desk. By the time she gets back downstairs to the kitchen, she's a little out of breath from rushing around, but she picks up the scraps from the kitchen anyway and makes her way to the trailer.

Mommy cat isn't back yet when Chuck enters, so she sets the bowl down on the floor, noticing that the kittens are nestled back in their bed sleeping.

"Sorry, mommy kitty," Chuck says aloud. "Whenever you get back, you'll have some nice food to eat."

Chuck crouches down to try to coax the kittens out to play with her, but they are fast asleep. Suddenly, light fills the dark trailer causing her crouching form to cast a large shadow over the kittens in front of her. The light seeps in from the door which had opened and closed behind her. Standing and turning toward the door, Chuck furrows her brow in confusion at who would be in this part of The Sanctuary.

When her eyes fully focus on the person now standing in front of her, a chill runs down her spine.

Brendon.

"What are you doing here?" she asks quickly. Her mind races to find a good explanation as to why Brendon is in the trailer with her. She hopes it is purely innocent, but fears it is something worse. That Negan had been right.

"I followed you out here," he answers flatly as he takes a step forward.

"Why?" She tries to back up but there is nowhere else for her to go, her bottom hits the counter behind her as she takes a step.

"I've _been_ following you. Watching you. Since I first saw you here. And I know what you've been up to." He takes another step. "I've seen you head up to Negan's floor. So... why did you lie to me?"

Her voice trembles as she responds. "I didn't lie to you about anything."

"Are you really going to tell me that you don't fuck Negan?" he asks in disbelief.

She doesn't know what to say to this. Yes, she sleeps with Negan. But, no, she didn't lie about it. Brendon hadn't ever asked that. He asked if she was Negan's wife, and she had responded truthfully that she wasn't. Not that she thinks it is any of Brendon's business, anyway.

"Why should it matter to you what I do?" she asks, trying to sound assertive.

"Just admit it to me." He takes another step.

Chuck swallows to try to center herself. "I don't have to admit anything to you. I owe you nothing."

Brendon's cold laugh fills the small room. "Don't admit it, then." His laugh drifts off, leaving rage to seep onto his face. "It doesn't really matter what you say now."

"What are you doing here, Brendon?" A tear of fear falls from Chuck's eye as she speaks. Her intuition is telling her that this is a very bad situation to be in.

"Negan ruined my life because of you." The look of confusion on Chuck's face causes Brendon to chuckle darkly. "Don't act like you didn't fucking know that, Chuck."

"I _don't_ know what you're talking about," she chokes out.

"Don't fucking lie to me!" he yells, making Chuck flinch.

"I'm not!" Her fear is getting the best of her as her heart rate picks up.

"I had a full ride to UVA for baseball. But they pulled my scholarship when Negan cut me from the team. And I couldn't afford it on my own." His seething tone fills Chuck with dread.

"None of that matters now," Chuck says softly, trying to convince him.

"It doesn't matter?! My dad kicked me out for not going to college! He refused to talk to me! I had _nothing_! And I never saw my dad alive again because of Negan! He had a heart attack and died still pissed at me for fucking up!"

"I'm sorry-" she tries to get out but Brendon cuts her off.

"You're sorry? You should be. Because it's your fault, too."

"I don't understand-"

"It's because of you. And whatever shit you had going on with Negan. He overheard me in the locker room saying I liked you. The _next day_ , he cut me! That's not a fucking coincidence."

"That's not true. He cut you for being late," she tries to reason.

"Is that what he fucking told you?" His face seems to soften minutely. "He's been lying to you, Chuck. How could you love him? He's evil. Don't you see that?"

"I-I don't..." Her brain is short circuiting.

"He almost _killed_ Mr. Hanson. And that was before all this. Before killing was the norm. Did he tell you that?"

She nods meekly.

"And you're still with him?!"

"Mr. Hanson wasn't a good man-" she reasons quietly with her head down.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! He took me in when I had nothing! When Negan took everything from me. Even though Negan had taken everything from _him_ , too! He gave me a job in his workshop. He taught me everything he knew about woodworking. Everything that Negan wants to exploit from me right now," he responds coldly.

"He was inappropriate with students." As soon as she says it, she realizes that arguing with him is probably not the best thing to do.

He leans forward aggressively. "He never touched anyone! And you remember what you girls looked like! You think Negan wasn't looking at you the same way Drew was?!"

It's obvious to Chuck that Brendon isn't going to calm down and just leave her alone. She knows she has to try to get ahold of this situation.

"Brendon, please," she pleads softly, but Brendon is intent on not listening to her.

"Me and Drew, we knew Negan was still alive after the end. He had to be. And we wanted to show him what he did to us. We wanted to make him pay for it."

Chuck holds her hands up in a placating gesture. "Brendon, we can talk about this. Us and Negan. We can work it out."

"No! No talking! This is how it needs to be."

"Brendon. Think about this. There's no way for you to get near him. It's suicide if you try to kill him." She tries to explain to him.

" _That_ was our plan. To kill him. We looked for him, but... Then Drew got bit and I had to put him down. And I thought... It was stupid to get revenge, now, so I stopped looking. But the universe thought different. It _brought_ me to him. Like some sorta sign. And the second I saw _you_ , I knew what I had to do. Killing him would be too easy for him. I want him to suffer." Brendon takes another step forward. He is now about an arms length away from Chuck. "I'm going to take away something that he loves."

"Brendon. Please. Please don't do this." She tries desperately to convince him to stop.

"Shut up," he demands flatly. "I'm going to ruin you for him. I have to, Chuck. I have to do it. And then I'm going to take you away from him."

"Brendon, no! Please!" she begs through shuttered breaths.

"Take your clothes off."

"No. No. No." She shakes her head fiercely. "Please!"

"TAKE YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES OFF!"

— Negan's POV —

"We're headed out," Dwight says into the radio from the driver's seat of my truck.

" _Copy that, D_ ," one of my saviors responds.

I can't wait to get fuckin' home. I'm tired as fuck after spending all goddamn day directing those dumb fucks at RA outpost. Setting up chain of command. Laying out what I expect of them in terms of goods and fuckin' services. Scheduling fuckin' pickups and drop offs.

I just wanna eat fuckin' dinner and bury my dick in Chuck's fuckin' wet pussy.

When we finally fuckin' drive through the gate, I hop out of the truck, give a few orders to Simon, and head upstairs. Chuck should be up there waiting for me. Hopefully fuckin' naked, but I won't hold my damn breath for that. I doubt she would even fuckin' think to welcome me home that way. She's too fuckin' sweet, doesn't have the dirty as fuck mind for that. Maybe I'll fuckin' drop the hint that I would like that. See if she'll obey me.

I peek my head in the wives' lounge to tell them I'm back and get an unenthusiastic response from them.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm glad I'm fuckin' home, too," I say sarcastically as I start to walk away.

"Oh, Negan?" Tonya calls out to me and I fuckin' walk back in to see what she wants. "Your girlfriend is feeling better." She smiles a smug fuckin' smirk and waits for me to react.

I let out a deep sigh and rub my hand over my face. "Stop fuckin' calling her that. Jesus Christ, Tonya."

"What?" Tonya says almost joking.

"Did you guys give her shit today?" I ask, getting irritated. "Because she doesn't deserve that."

"Calm down," Tonya says with a chuckle. "I'm just fucking with you. Chuck's a sweetheart. We wouldn't be dicks to her. We fed her and hung out for a while, then she went to read outside."

Fuck, Tonya's hard to read. So fuckin' hot and cold. Is she pissed or not? I looked at the other girls and they don't seem too mad. Frankie is even chuckling to herself. I wouldn't think anyone would ever have a fuckin' problem with Chuck. She's one of the only genuinely good fuckin' people I've ever met.

"You're a weird fuckin' chick, Tonya," I comment and walk out, hearing the wives giggle behind me.

I walk into my oddly fuckin' quiet apartment, turning the lights on as I go.

"Chuck?" I call out as I enter my bedroom. She's not there.

I let out a growl of frustration. Now I gotta get my ass all the way down to her room. Fuck, I wish she just lived up here. Or we had fuckin' elevators.

Her room is fuckin' empty, too, of course. Two books are thrown on her bed, which is kinda fuckin' weird. She must've brought them back up here after she was done reading outside like Tonya said. But where the fuck is she now?

Maybe Carson needed her for something.

If she's not down in the infirmary, I'll be pissed. Fuckin' traipsing all over the fuckin' place looking for her. She'll be lucky if I don't fuckin' lock her in my room for good after what happened yesterday.

Carson is just locking up when I get down to the infirmary. He goes to kneel, but I stop him.

"Chuck help you out today?" I ask, getting right to it.

"Not today, sir. I haven't seen her."

"Hmm." I scratch my head.

I walk away from the doc, headed for the cafeteria. I doubt she would fuckin' be there, but I take a look around anyway.

She's not there.

Alright. This is weird. Something's happened.

I walk out the doors, trying to keep calm.

She's fine. Nothing could happen here, right?

Simon comes out of the doors just behind me, giving me a nod. "Something up, boss? I saw you in the cafeteria. You looked weird."

"Have you seen Chuck?"

"I saw her this morning walking around with some books. Why? She wasn't upstairs?"

"No." As a last resort, I call her on my radio. She should have hers on her. I fuckin' hope. "Chuck?"

No answer.

"Chuck. Where are you?"

Silence.

"Anybody fuckin' seen Chuck?!"

" _You mean me, sir?_ " Fuckin' Charlie the savior answers.

"Not fuckin' you! Chuck the girl. 25. Redhead. Works with the doc."

No one answers.

Then a familiar voice comes through the speaker.

" _She's dead._ "

Brendon.

I feel the blood drain out of my face. I look up to Simon who looks equally fuckin' shocked.

" _I killed her with my bare hands. Right after I fucked her raw._ "

No.

No. He didn't.

It's not fuckin' true.

I see red. I throw my radio to the ground, smashing the fuck out of it. I bring Lucille down on any pieces I can see until nothing is left. I grunt and growl, screaming at the top of my lungs, barely in control of myself.

"Boss." Simon tries to get my attention. "Negan!" he yells, finally snapping me out of it.

When I lift my head, I see that several other fuckin' saviors have grouped around me. I look down to Simon's outstretched hand and take the radio from it. I take a few deep breaths to try to calm the fuck down.

"Where is she?" I growl into the radio.

" _You'll find her soon enough. Or rather, she'll find you. You know... when she turns._ "

I look up to the saviors around me. They are all staring at me, fuckin' waiting for me to say something to them. Not only did they see me freak the fuck out, but they heard everything that fucker said on the radio.

"I want _everyone_ fuckin' searching this place for her. Start in the least populated places. The cells. The garage. The fuckin' furnace room. Those kinda places. Search the fuckin' grounds, too. I want her found. _Now_." I scratch my beard. "And no one fuckin' touches her. No matter fuckin' what you see. You call me first."

"You don't want us to put her down, sir?" someone asks.

I almost hit the fucker with Lucille. "She's not fucking dead. She's not." I bring the radio up to my mouth and hold the button down with so much force that I hear the plastic crack. "You are dead where you stand, motherfucker. You hear me? You will never know another fuckin' moment's peace because I _will_ find you. I will scorch the fuckin' earth to find you. And _when_ I do, I won't fuckin' kill you. No. I'll keep you fuckin' alive. But you'll wish that you were dead. I'll cut bits off you and fuckin' feed them to you for fuckin' dinner. You haven't known fuckin' pain like the pain I'll inflict on you, fuckin' cocksucker."

" _Nothing you could do to me will ever take away the fact that I won. I beat you. Because I took something away from you and that is so fucking sweet. Almost as sweet as she was._ "

This needs to end now. He needs to fucking die.

"I want him found! Someone get a team outside the gates and find that fuckin' piece of shit. He's still within radio range so he's no further than two fuckin' miles! Bring him back alive! Simon, you're with me. We're searching the grounds."

Me and Simon search for-fuckin'-ever. Or at least it feels that way. The longer it takes, the more desperate I get.

"Anyone got anything?" I hear Simon say into his radio. His voice is fuckin' tense and choked. I know he's struggling with this, too, but he's keeping it together.

The radio comes back with a bunch of negative responses.

I flip the fuck out and use Lucille to hit a bunch of pallets I'm standing beside. A fuckin' cat jumps out from behind them and it just about scares the shit outta Simon.

Fuck.

The cats.

"Simon!" I call out as I break out in a full sprint to the back of the property. I hear him running behind me as I round the building heading for the goddamn trailers.

The trailers that no one ever thinks about.

The trailers that haven't been fuckin' searched yet.

"Chuck!" I scream, hoping to hear her answer.

Nothing.

There are three fuckin' trailers back here, but I know which one she would be in. The only one with a lock on the door. The only one she'd be anywhere near. That fucker must've followed her back here. Ambushed her.

Fuck.

I run up to the fuckin' door. The padlock is locked. And I'm assuming the only key is inside. With her.

"Baby girl, you in there?" I call out as I pull on the door.

All I heard is a shuffling. No answer.

"No! No no!" I growl out.

She's not turned. She's not dead. She can't be.

No time to break the lock. The cheap ass door is fuckin' weaker anyway. I start to kick the door, trying to break it down. Simon jumps in, too, and we break a huge hole in it. I push him back and rip the rest of the door off so I can fit though.

She is there. On her stomach.

Fuckin' naked and hogtied.

But I can't see much in the darkness.

"No, baby girl," I cry softly as I fall to my knees.

— —

"Take your fucking clothes off now or I'll rip them off you," Brendon growls harshly.

Chuck knows she has to do something to get out of this situation. Now.

She tries to run past Brendon to get to the door, but he grabs her by the waist and slams her to the ground, knocking the wind out of her and disorienting her. By the time Chuck stops gasping for breath and comes to her senses, Brendon had ripped her shirt, pants, and bra off.

"No! Stop!" She screams tries to push him away from her.

He punches her on the left side of her face hard enough that her head snaps to the side. "Shut the fuck up!" He bunches her underwear up and rips them from her body, leaving brush burns on her hips.

Her mind is hazy as he forces her thighs apart roughly. She barely registers the sound of his zipper and his weight on top of her.

"Please don't," she slurs. Tears stream down her face and pathetic whimpers leave her mouth as she waits for that familiar pain to register. The pain she thought she'd left behind at Rolling Acres. The pain she thought she'd never feel again.

But it doesn't come.

Brendon lets out a frustrated growl into her ear and sits back up, stroking his soft dick. "Come on," he growls. "I have to do this," he hisses to himself between his teeth.

Chuck thinks quickly. This is her only chance to stop him. "Brendon. This is wrong. You know it."

"Shut up!"

"Please. You're a good man. You don't want to do this. Just stop."

"I said _shut up_!" He slaps her face and roughly covers her mouth. "Shut your fucking mouth. Stop crying." His own eyes are filling with tears. "He has to pay. This is the only way." He leans back over her, one hand still covering her mouth and one still on himself trying to get him hard. "This is the only way," he growls.

Chuck opens her eyes to look at him. His eyes are screwed shut as he continues to grunt and growl with frustration at himself.

"Fuck!" he yells in her ear causing fresh tears to fall from her eyes. He sits back up, wipes his face, and tucks himself back into his pants. He shakes his head, seemingly wrestling with what to do since he couldn't go through with his first plan. "I can't let him get away with this, Chuck. I can't."

Suddenly, his hands grip Chuck's throat, cutting off her oxygen. She struggles under him, trying to get him to release her.

"I'm sorry, Chuck," he says through his tears, which now flow freely. "Why did you fall for him?! He did this to you! It's his fault! He made me do this to you. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry."

His repeated apologies start to sound further and further away as Chuck gets weaker. Just as she is about to black out, he releases her. She coughs and sputters, sucking in the breaths that her lungs desperately need.

He sits back up on his knees between her legs, bringing is arms up to put his hands on the back of his head. "I can't!" He shakes his head. "I can't do it. I can't do that to you. Fuck!" He stands up, frantically pacing the room as she gets her breath back. "Drew could've done it. He would've done it. But I can't. He was the strong one."

Something in the corner seems to catch his eye. A rope. He picks it up and flips Chuck onto her stomach, tying her arms and feet together behind her back.

"I would've been good to you, Chuck. Without Negan... we could've been happy together," he says from behind her, softly stroking her hair. "I know it."

Chuck hears him pick up the radio that is still attached to her pants somewhere in the room. Then he leaves without another word.

Chuck wait several minutes before she starts to scream for help. Her throat is already raw from being nearly strangled to death, so her voice gives out very quickly. Next, she tries to get loose from her bindings, but it is no use.

A wave of nausea hits her hard. She leans up, trying to make sure to vomit away from herself. Somehow she manages to remain clean, and scoots herself away from the mess she made.

She takes deep breaths, trying to calm herself and her stomach. "Must have a concussion," she says to herself as she turns on her side. She tries to take stock of any possible injuries she has, but thinks there is nothing major.

So she waits. And waits for someone to come. She knows that someone would find her eventually. Negan would search for her. Unless something is keeping him. Through the small cracks in the covered windows, she sees that the sun has set. The passing of time has Chuck even more worried.

 _What if something happened at the outpost and Negan won't be back? God. Why won't anyone come for me? What kind of a person am I that no one misses me?_

Her heart rate starts to pick up. Her exhaustion, the heat of the trailer, what she had just went through, all of it, has her on the verge of a panic attack.

For a moment, she thinks she heard Negan call for her, but she isn't sure if it had actually happened.

Then she hears it again.

Negan is at the door.

She tries to call out to him, but her voice is too quiet for him to hear, so she tries to shift herself closer to the door, so she could be heard. There is a sharp bang at the door, which makes Chuck halt her motion.

Negan is breaking in.

She is going to be safe.

She feels him enter the room and get on his knees behind her. "No, baby girl," he whimpers sadly.

"Negan..." she rasps as loudly as her damaged throat will allow.

Negan lets out an excited noise and scoops her up tightly in his arms. "Oh, fuck, baby girl. I thought you were dead. He said you were dead," he whispers into her hair. "I thought I lost you."

Simon goes around them and cuts the ropes from Chuck's hands and feet, giving her head a soft caress after. "I'm gonna call the doc. Make sure he's in the infirmary waiting for us," he says quietly.

"No. I want to go home," Chuck whispers as she wrapped her free arms around Negan.

"Home?" Negan asks in confusion.

"Take me to your room," she answers.

"Tell the doc to meet us in my room," Negan commands to Simon as he pulls away from Chuck. He takes his jacket off and puts it around her, picking her up bridal style afterward.

Simon follows after the pair, Lucille in hand, giving Negan's orders to Carson through the radio.

Chuck holds onto Negan as if her life depends on it, allowing him to carry her all the way to the fifth floor to his room.


	24. Chapter 24

Negan rushes Chuck up to his room, all the while whispering reassurances in her ear. Simon follows behind, then Carson even further behind him. Chuck is vaguely aware of traversing the hallways. Of the gasps of the people they pass along the way. Of the cool air on her bare legs. Of the voices coming through Negan's radio.

When they reach the upper floor, Simon jog further ahead to open the door to Negan's room, allowing the group to pass through.

"Simon," Negan calls out as he sets Chuck on his bed and covers her with his sheet. "Keep fuckin' tabs on what the guys are doing outside the gates. I want that motherfucker found right. fuckin'. now."

Simon turns his head to look at Chuck. "Uh..." He looks back up to Negan. "I want to stay here with her."

"Simon, I need you fuckin' outside right the fuck now," Negan growls out. "I need you to keep them on task. To keep them focused on finding that fucker."

"Yeah. Okay," Simon replies almost meekly as he turns away.

Carson steps aside to allow Simon to exit the door before coming closer to the bed. "Charlotte-"

"I'm fine," she rasps. "I'm not hurt." The only thing she wants right now is to be alone, not deal with people poking and prodding her. She takes Negan's jacket sets it on the bed beside her. Negan picks it up off the bed and haphazardly throws it on the floor.

"Let the doc look at you, baby girl, please," Negan pleads as he moves to the foot of the bed.

Negan looks so concerned that Chuck feels the need to comply. She takes a few deep breaths to steady herself before speaking. "It's just my throat and face," she gives a little cough. Her throat is raw which causes the words to stick. "He hit me and choked me. He slammed me to the ground, too. I hit my head a little. I might have a concussion. I'm nauseous." She keeps her tone even and unemotional, relaying just the pertinent information. "I threw up in the trailer."

Carson uses his pen light to examine her pupils. "Normal." He lightly touches her heavily bruised cheekbone and jaw and the back of her head, drawing out a slight hiss from her. "No breaks. Headache?" It seems like he is purposely being cold, as if he were trying to keep his own emotions at bay. Chuck always thought that Carson only saw her as a coworker, but maybe he actually cares for her more as a friend.

"Uh. Yeah. My head hurts."

"Maybe a mild concussion." He moves to examine her throat, which is sporting a bruise almost the whole way around her neck. "Swallow," he commands with his palm gently on her neck. He feels her swallow and removes his hand. He uses his light to look into her throat, as well. "Your throat and neck may be sore, but I don't suspect anything seriously wrong." He stands up and turns his head to Negan then back to Chuck. "The, uh, pelvic exam-"

"It's not necessary," Chuck interrupts.

"Baby girl..." Negan implores.

"I'm not- He couldn't... He didn't..." Tears well up in her eyes as she tries to say what happened. "He tried but he couldn't do it."

"You can tell us, Charlotte," Carson reassures. "You don't need to be embarrassed."

Chuck wipes her eyes and opens her mouth to respond further, but Negan interrupts.

"Carson, why don't you go back downstairs. I'll call you if we fuckin' need you," Negan says to the man as he walks around the bed.

"Alright," Carson hesitantly agrees turns to leave the bedroom. "If you need anything, Charlotte, you can call on me." He gives her a friendly smile and leaves.

"Why don't you tell me what happened?" Negan asks softly as he bends down to cradle her cheek.

She takes a few deep breaths and starts. "Brendon found me in the trailer. He-He wanted revenge on you for what happened in high school." She looks up to Negan, waiting for him to react to what she is saying, but he just stares back at her. "With the baseball team."

"Motherfucker," Negan hisses under his breath as he shakes his head. " _That's_ why he did this?"

"He said it was because of me. Why you cut him. He thought it was because you knew he had a crush on me."

"Fuck..." He rubs his face with both hands and looks up to the ceiling.

"Is that true, Negan?" Chuck chokes out.

"No, it's not fucking true," he growls. "I knew he liked you. And, yeah, I didn't want him anywhere near you, but only because he was an asshole and you were a good kid. But I wouldn't fuck his high school career up because he had a crush on you... or anyone!" He gets up and paces a bit, scratching the back of his neck. "He was late for every fuckin' practice. _And_ he was a dick to the other kids, taunting them and shit. I okayed it with the fuckin principal _days_ before I even cut him!"

Chuck gives a nod and continues. "He was friends with Mr. Hanson, too. After high school. They wanted to get revenge together."

"What?" Negan snaps his eyes back to her. "Is that fucker still fuckin' alive?"

"No. Brendon said he died right before the saviors took him to the outpost."

Negan paces for a few minutes then turns back to her. "That shit doesn't matter. _Why_ he did it doesn't matter. Just tell me what he did," he says matter of factly.

She shrugs, trying to downplay her emotions. "Uh. There's not much to tell, I guess. He... took my clothes off and tried to... rape me but he couldn't. His... uh... He couldn't ...perform." Chuck can see Negan clenching his jaw even though he is trying to look more reassuring to her. "He got mad after that and choked me but he couldn't go through with killing me." Chuck wipes her cheek of a tear. "He tied me up. Then he left."

"Alright, baby girl." He bends down to give her a kiss on the top of her head. "Why don't you get a shower and then you can rest." He goes over to her drawer and gets out some pajamas for her to wear, leaving them in the bathroom for her. He comes back out to help her out of the bed.

"Will you run me a bath instead?" Chuck asks.

"Yeah, baby girl. Anything you want."

"Will you stay with me?" she asks again when he leads her into the bathroom.

"Of course."

He runs the bath and helps her in the tub. The warm water of the bath soothes Chuck's aching muscles. And Negan gently washing her skin calms her nerves some.

After the bath, both Chuck and Negan crawl into bed, exhausted.

"Get some sleep, sweetheart," Negan whispers into her temple as he holds her tightly to his chest.

"Negan?" she says hesitantly. She feels stupid for asking what she is about to ask him.

"Yeah?"

"Can I move up here?"

He leans his head up to try to see her face. "You want to?"

"Yeah. I think I need to," she answers quietly.

"You _need_ to?"

"Yeah. I mean..." She sits up to turn to him as he positions himself to lean back on the headboard. "You were right. I should've been up here." She casts her eyes down. "Even after what you taught me, I couldn't fight him..."

"Hey." Negan gently pulls her chin up to raise her gaze to him. "Don't think about that, okay? It doesn't fuckin' matter." He softly runs his fingers over her forehead, pushing her hair from her face. "You know I want you up here and you'll always be fuckin' welcome, but I don't want you to do something that you don't truly want."

"I want to be here. With you. And the wives."

Negan's lips quirk up almost imperceptibly as he caresses her cheek. "You can move in here. With me."

"I-I still want a room," she responds. "I mean, I'll probably be here a lot with you, but I want my own space, too."

He smiles at her warmly. "Alright, sweetheart. The room across the hall is still open. I can get someone to move your shit up here tomorrow."

"Thanks." Chuck leans forward to hug him. "I'm sorry about everything."

"No," he's quick to say. "Don't you apologize." He places a kiss to the top of her head. "You've done nothing to apologize for."

Chuck lets him hold her for several minutes allowing her to clear her mind. But she can't help but think about what is going to happen now. How she, and Negan, would go forward.

She tilts her head up to look at him. "What will you tell them?"

He opens his sleepy eyes and drawls, "What, baby girl?"

"You need to explain to everyone what happened, right? What will you say? About me?"

"That you're mine and he hurt you." He rubs her arm slowly. "That's all they need to know."

"Will I need to wear a dress?"

"Well, yeah. But not up here, I guess, if you don't want to."

"The other wives do."

Negan thinks for a moment. "I told them they had to when they all first came up here. But maybe that can fuckin' change. If you go downstairs, you need to be in a dress, though. People need to know who the fuck you are."

The next day, Negan leaves as usual to do his thing and hold his meeting to fill The Sanctuary in on what happened the night before. And about his newest wife. While he is gone, Chuck takes it easy in Negan's room, even though a few of the saviors had moved her stuff into the room directly across the hall from Negan's. She feels more comfortable being alone in Negan's room than anywhere else at the moment.

She is roused from her nap by a knock at the door. " _Hey, angel. It's Simon._ "

"Come in," she rasps sleepily as she sits up fully in the bed, waiting for him to enter.

He takes one look at her bruised face, then looks away. "Shit," he whispers as he scratched his brow. "I really hope Negan gives me a crack at that monster when we find him."

"He's still out there?" Chuck asks quietly, ignoring Simon's reaction to her appearance. She knows she has bruises, but is avoiding looking at herself in the mirror to see just how bad they are.

"Yeah, angel," he sits down beside her on the edge of the bed, "but we'll find him. We will."

Chuck gives him a nod, not really wanting to talk about Brendon any further. "You're not at the meeting?" She changes the subject.

"Nah. Negan gave me the gist of it this morning. The meeting's probably just about done now anyway." He brings his hand up to scratch the back of his neck. "He said you were moving up here?" he asks almost tentatively.

"Yeah," she answers simply.

"Good. I'm glad you'll be safe up here." The look in his eye says that he isn't being completely genuine, but Chuck isn't sure why.

"Yeah. I never really wanted to be a _wife_ , but I don't think I really belong on the lower floors. I'm not exactly great with people. No one even knew I was missing down there." She chuckles without any humor.

Guilt flashes over his face. "Chuck... I'm sorry-"

"No, Simon," she quickly cuts him off. "I didn't mean you. You're so busy. I wouldn't expect you to-"

"I should've known. I should've looked out for you. I saw how he treated you that first day..."

"No one could've known, Simon."

"I would've given anything to stop that from happening to you." He looks at her with sad eyes.

"It's okay-"

"I never want to see you hurt, angel."

"Yeah. I know. You're a good friend, Simon."

He stares at her for a moment before looking down at his hands and letting out a tremulous breath. "Do you love him, Chuck?" he asks without looking up.

Chuck knows who he was talking about. "Yes. But not in the way you're asking," she answers. "I can't love him like that because he won't love me like that. He's only ever loved one woman and I certainly can't compare to her."

He finally looks up at her and gives her a small nod before standing up. "Get some rest, kiddo." He leans down and places a kiss on her forehead before leaving.

— Negan's POV —

I stand above all my people on the catwalk in the main hall, getting ready to explain to them what went down last night.

"So. I'm sure most of you guys saw my saviors fuckin' running around last night and you might not know why. Well... here it is. I have had my fuckin' eye on making a certain worker my wife. Chuck, the girl that works with the doc. Y'all might know her, but maybe you fuckin' don't because she's a shy little thing. And fuckin' sweet as can be. She went missing yesterday. But even though she wasn't officially my wife yet, she was still mine and I had a duty to protect her. Find her. Now, unbeknownst to me, one of our new arrivals had a thing for her back in the day, started to stalk her and shit when he saw her here. He figured that she was about to become my wife and that pissed him the fuck off, so he tried to take her from me. And I had to do something about it, get my saviors to find her before it was too fuckin' late."

I pace a little bit. I don't want to tell my people that this guy is still fuckin' out there. That we failed to bring him in, but it is the truth. I had my men out all fuckin' night searching and they came back with fuck all. I sent out a new fuckin' team this morning and they haven't found jack shit either.

"The girl is fuckin' fine, resting upstairs comfortably. And even though the usual marriage festivities will be put on hold until she feels up to it, she is still officially my wife as of today. As for the fuck that hurt her, we are still searching for him outside the fuckin' gates. He slipped out of here before I even got back from RA outpost. Before anyone knew what he had fuckin' done. But we _will_ find him. Don't you fuckin' worry your little heads about it. Everyone is perfectly fuckin' safe here."

I hear some fuckin' muttering, but everyone seems okay with what I'm saying. "I just want to reiterate here. That shit -violence against innocents, sexual assault- will. not. be. tolerated. When we find that fuck that laid his hands on my girl, he will die fuckin' bloody. And so will anyone else that dares to follow in his fuckin' footsteps. Everyone clear on this?"

I'm satisfied with the bunch of "Yes, sirs" I hear, so I finish the fuck up. "Alright, get the fuck back to work," I call out and everyone starts to leave.

I make my way back up to my apartment, but I stop outside my open bedroom door because I hear voices.

Simon and Chuck's voices.

" _...given anything to stop that from happening to you,_ " Simon says.

I hold back just outside the door, listening to what they are fuckin' saying to each other.

" _It's okay-_ "

" _I never want to see you hurt, angel._ "

" _Yeah. I know. You're a good friend, Simon._ "

He doesn't say anything for a few seconds. I assume he is processing the whole "friend" thing she said. He was probably hoping she'd say, "I fuckin' love you Simon. Please take me away," or some shit.

" _Do you love him, Chuck?_ "

I knew it. I knew he would have a problem with her becoming a wife. He better fuckin' get used to that shit, though. And he better take to heart what her fuckin' answer's gonna be.

" _Yes. But not in the way you're asking. I can't love him like that because he won't love me like that. He's only ever loved one woman and I certainly can't compare to her._ "

Fuck.

That's... something.

I'm not exactly fuckin' sure how to feel about that.

I hear him stand from the bed, so I fuckin' leave as quickly and quietly as I can. I figure he is getting up to leave and I don't want him telling Chuck I was eavesdropping. I stand just behind the door in the hallway, waiting for him to fuckin' come out. He opens the door and turns away from me to go to the fuckin' stairwell, not noticing me behind him.

"Did you hear what you were fuckin' hoping to?" I ask and he turns around to face me. Not in a surprised way, but almost like he fuckin' expected me to be there.

"Yeah. Actually I did. She's not in love with you."

Smug fucker.

"You think she's in love with _you_? She's never gonna love you, Simon," I say to him with a scowl.

"I know." He looks almost sad. But then he gives me this weird ass smile. "But I don't care as long as she doesn't love you."

"Oh, really?" I ask, acting like I'm amused at what he said, but really I'm fuckin' pissed.

"Yeah. Because that way, you won't break her heart. Just like you did with Lucille-"

I barely let him get her name out before I grab him by the neck and slam him up against the wall.

"Don't you fuckin' _ever_ say her name again," I growl.

I expect him to fuckin' fight back, but he doesn't even fuckin' say a word. Just stares back at me with a fuckin' scowl.

"And if I ever catch you in my fuckin' room talking to _my_ fuckin' wife again, I'll fuckin' throw you in a motherfuckin' cell until you remember your goddamn place here. Under-fuckin'-stand me?"

He fuckin' sneers at me before muttering, "Yeah, boss."

"Get the fuck outta my sight." I let go of him and he walks down the hallway without a fuckin' word.

I stand outside my door for a few minutes calming myself the fuck down before I go back in to see Chuck. When I walk in, she is making her way back into bed with a book in her hands. She has all those fuckin' pregnancy books for Amber piled up on my coffee table. I told her to fuckin' rest and forget about that shit for a few days, but she insists that she needs to read them all.

"Hey, baby girl."

— —

"Hey, Negan," Chuck responds as she covers herself back up with the blankets and leans back on the headboard to get comfortable. "How was the meeting?" Her voice is still a bit raspy, but she isn't in too much pain.

Negan bends down to place a kiss on her head. "It went." He continues into the room, grabbing one of the pregnancy books on the coffee table before sitting down on the couch. "Are you feeling okay?" he asks as he flips through the book casually.

"Yeah. Headache's not too bad. But I'm still kinda nauseous. That should go away in a few days."

He lifts his head to give her a concerned look. "You eat breakfast this morning?"

"Some toast," she answers. "But I puked it up."

"We need the doc up here?"

"No. I'm okay." She gives him a smile, hopefully allaying his concerns. "Concussion symptoms can vary, but it's not weird to be nauseous for a few days."

He flips through a few more pages. "I passed Simon in the hall."

"Oh yeah. He came in to check on me." She hopes Negan won't ask about specifics. Simon asking about her feelings for Negan seems like something Negan would not appreciate.

"Hmm. That was fuckin' nice of him," Negan responds under his breath.

"What?" she asks, picking up on the tension in his voice. She wonders if Simon had already told him in the hall what they had talked about. She still isn't going to bring it up until Negan does, regardless.

"Nothing." He flips the page in the book on his lap. "Oh shit. Girls' titties hurt when they get pregnant?"

Chuck giggles at him, forgetting about Simon for the time being. "I guess. Is that what the book says?"

"Shouldn't you know that, doc-in-training?"

"I haven't really read that book. It's mostly about the first trimester and Amber is already into her second."

"Hmm."

"But I guess it makes sense the boobs would hurt when they get bigger later on. When the milk comes and stuff."

"This says it's one of the first symptoms," Negan says casually.

"Really?" Negan has Chuck's full attention now.

"Sore tits," he paraphrases, eyes on the page, "fatigue, mood swings, constipation. Shit, pregnancy sounds like it sucks. No wonder Amber was fuckin' miserable."

Chuck suddenly jumps up from the bed and rips the book from Negan's hands, frantically looking at the page he was reading from.

"What the fuck?!" he reacts.

 _Oh, no no no no. Tender breasts. Tiredness and fatigue. Mood swings. Nausea._

 _Missed period..._

 _When was my last..._

 _Nononono._

"Chuck? Chuck?!" he calls out to get her attention as he stands from the couch.

She looks up from the book and into Negan's eyes. "Negan... I-I think I might be pregnant."

He looks shocked for a moment then laughs easily. "You're not fuckin' pregnant, baby girl." He chuckles, brushing it off. "You're just freaking out about everything. Your anxiety is fucking you up."

"I-I have all these symptoms..." she says quietly, wanting to believe Negan but not wanting to ignore what is right in front of her.

"Just calm the fuck down, okay? There's no way you're fuckin' pregnant." He takes the book from her hands and tosses it on the couch.

Negan's reassuring words sink in and she feels herself relax a bit. If he is so sure in what he says then there must be a concrete reason why he believes it. "Did you get a vasectomy or something?" she asks innocently.

"Fuck no! No one's coming at my dick and balls with a knife! Jesus Christ! And I would've fuckin' told you if I was shooting blanks."

Chuck furrows her brows at him. "So there _is_ a possibility?"

Negan lets out a laugh at Chuck's confused expression. "Look, sweetheart. Every time we fucked without a condom, I pulled out. And precum doesn't have any fuckin' sperm... Mostly. So it's really fuckin' unlikely that you'd get knocked up unless actual jizz goes inside-"

He pauses and his face drops suddenly.

"What?" she asks.

He turns away from her, scratching his head as he starts to pace slowly.

"What?" she asks more urgently.

He lets out a sigh and turns back to her. "There might be a _slight_ chance I came inside you a little bit the first time we fucked."

"What?!" she exclaims.

"It's probably nothing. And I might not have," he says with a shrug. "I thought I pulled out in fuckin' time. But it was close."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Negan?!" she exclaims, losing control of her emotions. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me?!" she yells as she gets closer to Negan.

"Look, calm down, Chuck. Shit. I didn't tell you because I didn't think I did. It was so... You were clenching so tight and I lost fuckin' control... I _told_ you I almost didn't pull out."

"There's a world of difference between ' _almost_ not pulling out' and ' _not_ pulling out', Negan!" She turns away to start pacing herself.

" _If_ I came inside, then it was only a tiny bit," he tries to reason.

She stomps right up to him and points in his face. " _You_ taught sex ed! You know how much sperm is in ejaculate?! A ' _tiny bit'_ can definitely get someone pregnant!"

"Hey! Calm down," he says more firmly. "That was a fuckin' stupid thing for me to say, alright? Fuck!"

She covers her face with her hands and mutters, "Oh my god..."

Negan takes her by the shoulders. "Chuck, look at me," he says softly.

She drops her hands and looks up at him with watery eyes.

"It's not a hundred percent certain that you're fuckin' pregnant. Whatever symptoms you have might be other things, right? Regular woman hormones and shit. Not necessarily baby shit."

"I guess."

"I'll go down and get a test from the doc-"

"No!" she interrupts. "Don't tell him. Just... They're in the closet. Can you just go in there and get one without him?"

"Yeah, baby. I can do that." He gives her a quick kiss then leaves.

"I'm not pregnant," she reasons to herself. "Negan is right. I'm just freaking out and seeing problems that aren't there."

She paces around for a few minutes, wringing her hands and twisting her hair in nervousness. She walks across the hall and grabs her iPhone, knowing that she'd need a timer. She comes back to set it on Negan's coffee table before sitting down to wait for him.

She hears him enter the office and stands to her feet, practically shaking from nerves. Her eyes focus on his hands as he comes in and reaches into his jacket to pull out an oblong pink box.

"Here. I hope this is the right fuckin' one."

She takes the box from his hands and reads the instructions quickly. The test is one of the ones that you pee directly on.

"I kicked the doc out before I took it," Negan explains as he takes his jacket off and throws it on the couch.

Chuck's feet move on autopilot leading her into the bathroom. She turns to close the door, but Negan is directly behind her standing in the doorway. "What are you doing?" she asks.

"We're doing this shit together, aren't we?"

"I have to pee on it, Negan. I can't do that with you in the room."

"Fine." He backs up and allows Chuck to close the door.

She comes back out a minute later and sets the timer on her iPhone.

He looks up from the couch with furrowed brows. "Where is it?"

She sits down beside him. "I left it on the counter. I peed on it, Negan. I'm not gonna bring it in here."

He chuckles. "I suppose."

Her lips quirk up into a slight smile at his reaction. "Have you ever done this? Waited for a pregnancy test?" she asks after a moment.

He scratches his beard. "Yeah..." He clears his throat. "You ever wanted kids?"

"I never really thought about it. I mean, I was never in any relationships, so it never really came up." She shrugs. "You?"

Negan turns his head away from her. "We tried for a while. But Lucille couldn't... It just didn't happen for us." Negan's voice is soft as he speaks. Chuck can hear the emotion behind it.

"I'm sorry."

"It doesn't fuckin' matter. It's in the past now."

Chuck watches him for a moment. "I-I think you're right and I'm just freaking out. I mean, what are the odds that I'm... pregnant just from the first time? My period's been late in the past. I used to take birth control for it because I was always irregular. The whole 'sore boobs' thing could be because my hormones are messed up from stress or something. And I already thought every time I was nauseous, it was just my nervous stomach. That still might be," she says, trying to rationalize the situation and convince herself that she isn't pregnant.

Negan puts his arm around her and pulls her into his side. "See? That shit all makes sense."

"Stuff's been so crazy lately. Everything might just be stress related, you know? Not to mention that I had pretty much just recovered from from being stabbed when we first... you know. My body probably wasn't... uh, ovulating then, right? Which means there's no way I can be pregnant."

He begins to rub her arm absentmindedly. "Yeah."

"I feel so stupid for freaking out now." She looks over to him with wide eyes. "Don't tell anyone I made you get a pregnancy test."

He chuckles. "I won't, sweetheart."

Chuck jumps when the alarm goes off. She reaches out to turn it off and looks over to Negan. "You don't think it's positive, right?" she asks with a trembling voice.

"I don't know," he responds. "You would know more than me. And you don't seem to think it is now."

Neither makes a move to look.

Chuck's lip trembles as she speaks. "Yeah. But there's still a chance, right? What if it is?"

"Then we'll have the best fuckin' kid in the whole goddamn apocalypse."

Chuck lets out a chuckle as she wipes the tears from her eyes. "You think?"

"I _know_." He takes her hand gently and stands from the couch, leading her to the bathroom.

"You'll do this with me?" She asks before they cross the threshold. "If it's positive?"

"Of course. I'm not gonna fuckin' leave my kid, Chuck."

"Because I wouldn't be able to do this alone." Her words are choked as tears stream down her face.

Negan cradles her face to focus her gaze at him and steps close to her. "You won't ever be alone. I'm right here with you."

She nods as Negan wipes the tears from her face. They venture a little further into the room and lean over the counter. The room falls deadly quiet for what seems like forever as they both stare at the little indicator.

"Holy shit." Negan's voice breaks the silence. "We're having a fuckin' baby."


	25. Chapter 25

"Holy fuck."

"Oh my god." Chuck backs away from the counter as Negan stands still, staring down at the test.

"I'm gonna be a fuckin' dad." He turns around with a huge smile on his face. "You're gonna be a mom," he says to her then lets out a laugh of joy.

Chuck turns away from him and walks into the bedroom. Her footfalls are heavy as she paces the room, worrying at her lips and twirling her hair in nervousness.

"Baby," he comes up behind her, putting his arms around her to halt her movement, "we're having a baby," he whispers in her ear, his smile evident in his words.

Chuck pushes him away and continues to pace, biting her nails as she goes.

"What, baby?" he asks, almost confused.

"Stop," she says bluntly.

"Stop what, baby girl?"

"Just shut up!" she screams, losing control. Her whole body shakes as she turns to him.

"What's wrong?" he asks firmly. "Why aren't you happy?"

"Happy? Why the _fuck_ would I be happy?!"

"Because it's fuckin' awesome, Chuck! We made a kid!" he exclaims as he throws his arms out wide. "And stop fuckin' swearing! I hate hearing that shit come out of your mouth."

"Awesome? Now? In this?" She gestures widely. "Pregnancy can be a death sentence." She points directly at his face. "What _you_ did could kill me."

"Don't you fuckin' say that! Don't you _ever_ fuckin' say that to me, Chuck!"

She shakes her head and looks to the floor. "How could you not pull out in time?! This is your fault, Negan. You did this to me."

"No!" He grabbed her by the shoulders and forces her to sit on the couch. He bends down close to her and gestures between them. " _We_ did this! Together. You didn't fuckin' say no. You didn't ask for a condom. You didn't even fuckin' _tell_ me to pull out, but I did anyway! Even though I didn't fuckin' want to!"

"You didn't want to?! Why would you not want to?" She furrows her brow in confusion as he stands to his full height.

"Chuck-"

"Did you _want_ to get me pregnant?!" she interrupts.

"No!" he answers quickly.

"Did you get me pregnant on purpose?!" Her voice is choked as she tries to yell.

"Of course not! Abso-fuckin'-lutely not!" He steps forward and kneels in front of her. "I would _never_ do something like that, Chuck. _Ever_."

"Oh my god, Negan!" Her breathing becomes labored as she starts to sob.

"Fuck." He runs his hands down her arms to bring her hands up to his face, giving them both a sweet kiss. "Calm down, baby girl. Please. Don't make yourself sick."

She takes a few deep breaths. "Are you lying to me?" she asks quietly as tears roll down her cheeks.

"I have _never_ lied to you." He wipes her cheeks and she lets him. "I don't know why- cumming inside you- It was just a thought that went through my mind in the moment. It just felt... right." He shakes his head. "I don't fuckin' know. But we didn't talk about it, so I didn't go through with it! Then, I just lost control. You just felt- Everything got intense for me." He starts to speak more softly. "But... that's really never fuckin' happened to me like that before. I really thought I pulled out in time."

Chuck looks down at her lap and doesn't respond.

"Please don't hate me." He tucks some of her hair behind her ear and cradles her cheek. "Say something, please," he begs.

Without looking up, Chuck slowly slides off the couch and wraps her arms around his shoulders, straddling his lap while he sits back on his knees. She nuzzles into his neck as he holds her tightly.

"I'm scared, Negan," she whispers.

"No need to be scared, baby girl." He rubs her back in reassurance. "I won't let anything bad happen to you." He stands, carrying her with him as he walks over to the bed. He lays her down gently and pulls the blanket around her. "I'm gonna get Carson up here. I want him to check you out right fuckin' now."

"Yeah," she sniffles. "That's probably a good idea."

Negan lifts his radio to his mouth. "Carson. Get to the fifth floor. My room."

" _Yes, sir._ "

Negan kicks off his boots and crawls onto the bed beside her. She instantly cuddles into him, allowing him to wrap her up in his arms.

"You're really happy about this?" Chuck asks into his chest.

"Yeah. I am." He runs his hand through her long hair. "You're _not_ happy?"

"It's not that I'm not _happy_. I'm just... freaked out. This is all a lot to deal with. I haven't even had any time to process everything that happened to me. Or becoming a wife and how that's gonna change my status here. And now I'm gonna be the mother to the leader's child so..."

"I get it." He kisses her head. "A lot of shit just happened to you in a fuckin' short amount of time. But it'll all be peachy fuckin' keen in the end. You'll see."

She holds him tighter and speaks softly. "What if I can't do it? What if I'm a bad mother? What if everyone sees that I'm not good enough for you?"

"Whoa whoa." He pulls her up so that he can look at her. "Don't fuckin' think like that-"

There is a knock at the door. " _It's Dr. Carson_ ," the voice from behind the door says.

Negan stands from the bed and opens the door. "We got some shit to discuss."

Carson enters with his bag and looks over to Chuck, who is now sitting up in the bed. "Is everything alright, Charlotte?"

She knows that she has to look awful. Not only is her face still bruised, but it has to be puffy from all the crying. "Um..." She wipes her eyes, stalling for time. She figures that Carson thinks he was called into the room because of the injuries she had sustained from her attack. She isn't sure if she has the strength to burst Carson's bubble and actually say the words "I'm pregnant" to him. Or anyone else for that matter.

Negan, now leaning back on the closed door, doesn't give her the chance. "Me and her have been fucking and I knocked her up," he says completely casually.

"What?" Carson croaks in shock as he looks from Chuck to Negan.

"Yup. I grabbed a pregnancy test from your office earlier and she took it. It's still in the fuckin' bathroom if you want to take a look."

Carson stares at Negan for a moment before going into the bathroom to retrieve the test.

"Did you have to say it like that, Negan?" Chuck whispers with a look of disapproval on her face.

Negan shrugs in response.

Carson domes back in with the test in his gloved hands. "It's positive," he relays, almost shocked.

"No shit, Sherlock," Negan replies. "That's why I fuckin' called you up here. Check her the fuck out. Make sure my girl and my baby are a-o-fuckin'-k."

Carson discards the test and his gloves and moves closer to the bed. "Any cramps or bleeding?" he asks.

She clears her throat. "No."

"When was your last period?"

"Uh..." She tries to think. "It was... uh... six or seven weeks ago. I think."

Carson nods. "The tests are very accurate, so there's no reason to suspect a false positive. Especially with the missed period. I still want to perform an ultrasound, though. Especially with recent events."

"Can it wait until tomorrow?" Chuck asks. She wants to have some time to actually deal with everything that has happened first.

"Yeah," Carson answers, seemingly picking up on what Chuck is thinking. "And you need to start prenatal vitamin, too."

Negan pushes off the door to stand closer to Carson. "We can do all that shit tomorrow morning."

Carson nods. "Kayla should be told, too."

"Yeah," Negan concurs as he scratches his beard. "I'll go get her while you do your fuckin' doctor thing." Negan gives Chuck a glance and walks out.

"Are you okay with all this, Charlotte?" Carson asks as he walks closer to her.

"Yeah," she answers. "I mean, it wasn't planned, but..." She shrugs. "It's happening now, regardless."

Carson nods and starts his exam by getting out his stethoscope and listening to her heart. As soon as he moves the instrument from her chest to her back, Negan and Kayla walks in.

Kayla surveys the scene in front of her. "Oh my god. Is there something wrong?" She turns to look at Negan. "You told us she didn't have any major injuries after the attack?"

"She's fine, darling," Negan answers. "At least I hope she fuckin' is. Doc?"

"Heart and lungs sound good." Carson gets the blood pressure cuff out and puts it on her arm. "BP is good, too," he relays after reading the results. He sets the cuff aside and instructs Chuck to lie back. He lifts her shirt to feel around her abdomen. "Do you have a history of diabetes or high blood pressure in your family?"

Chuck thinks about it. "I don't think so."

Confusion washes over Kayla's face as she looks up to Negan. "Uh, what's going on here? Why-why did you need me?"

Kayla looks to Chuck and Carson, but they won't meet her eyes. Negan, however has no problem.

"I got her pregnant," Negan blurts out as if it weren't big news.

"What?!" Kayla exclaims then turns to Chuck. "You're pregnant?!"

"Um, yeah," Chuck confirms quietly.

"How-" Kayla turns back to Negan, "how did-"

"I think you're familiar with the fuckin' birds and the bees, darling," Negan interrupts.

Carson finishes up the exam and Chuck sits up more comfortably. "You're perfectly healthy, Charlotte. And since both you and Negan have negative blood, we won't have to worry about rh sensitization."

"That's good right?" Negan asks, apparently not knowing what Carson is talking about.

"Yes, Negan," Carson answers. "There's nothing to worry about."

"Were you trying for a baby?" Kayla asks abruptly as she looks between Chuck and Negan, a look of shock still on her face.

"Nope," Negan answers as Chuck shakes her head slightly. "Shit happened on accident."

"Is this a ... _happy_... accident?" Kayla asks tentatively.

"Fuck yes, this is happy!" Negan calls out with a smile.

"Chuck?" Kayla turns to her to get her reaction.

"It's, um..." Chuck starts. "I'm still kinda processing it." She gives her a sad smile and a shrug.

Kayla goes to Chuck and wraps her up in a tight hug as she sits on the bed beside her. "It'll be fine. It's normal to be nervous."

Negan throws his hands up in frustration. "Jesus Christ, I thought you chicks loved this baby shit. You're both acting like your puppy just fuckin' died."

Chuck snaps her gaze to him. "Yeah, _you_ can be all happy about this because we," she gestures between them, "are going to have different experiences from here on out. Your job in this process is already done. I still have to cook up a human being and _then_ push it out of my body."

Negan lets out a chuckle as he thinks of something. "My job was done when I pushed something _in_ your pussy. Your job's done when you push something _out_ of your pussy."

Kayla glares at him, not appreciating his joke, but Chuck can't stop herself from giggling. "You thought that was funny?" she asks Chuck and her face softens a bit.

Chuck shrugs. "It was kinda funny." She giggles again, reveling in the sudden lightheartedness she feels.

Just then, Chuck's stomach growls loudly. She instantly brings her hands to it, as if that would stifle the noise.

Without even asking, Negan calls down to the kitchen and orders food to be brought up.

"There's no need for extra calories in the first trimester, but you need to make sure you eat enough," Carson speaks out.

"Yeah. I know. I'll eat."

"I'll make fuckin' sure," Negan adds.

"How's the morning sickness?" Kayla enquirers.

"Well... I've been kinda nauseous and I puked a couple of times. But I, uh... didn't know it was morning sickness until today."

Kayla nods. "How far along are you?"

Carson answers for her. "Six to seven weeks."

"Oh. Morning sickness'll probably kick in pretty hard now." Kayla gives Chuck a smile.

"That sounds great," Chuck responds sarcastically.

Carson and Kayla go over more information for Chuck and Negan, detailing the things they are likely to experience in the near future. They all continue to talk as the kitchen delivers Chuck's food and she begins to eat, still soaking up all the information that everyone is telling her.

When Chuck finishes her food, Kayla picks up the empty plate and takes it out to Negan's kitchen, coming back a moment later with an odd look on her face. "Are you telling everyone the news?"

"Shit yes!" Negan, now sitting beside Chuck on the bed, cries out quickly.

"No!" Is Chuck's immediate response.

Negan whips his head to her. "What? Why the fuck not?"

"Because," Chuck answers. "I want to wait until the second trimester. At least. I don't want all the attention."

"Fine. If that's what you want," Negan concedes.

Kayla still looks a bit nervous. "What about the wives? I don't know if I can keep this from them. I'll _try_ if that's what you want, but-"

"They should know," Chuck says quietly with a nod.

"Fuck. I guess I need to have a talk with them."

Chuck lets out a huge yawn. Even though it is still pretty early, she feels incredibly tired. "We should do it now." She doesn't want to delay the inevitable, so she starts to get out of the bed, but Negan stops her.

"You stay here and fuckin' rest, baby girl. You need it. Me and Kayla will go tell them."

"I think," Chuck yawns again, "I should be there, too, right? I mean, _I'm_ the pregnant one."

Kayla chuckles. "You need to sleep. You can barely keep your eyes open!" She goes to Chuck and practically tucks her into bed.

Chuck says her goodbyes and everyone exits, leaving her alone in the room. She lets out a heavy breath and rubs her weary eyes. "Everything's going to be fine," she whispers to herself as she brings her hands to her stomach. "I wish you were here with me, mom. You'd know what to say to make me feel better. Would you be disappointed in me? Would you be happy?" She wipes the new tears that have fallen from her eyes and shifts onto her side, falling asleep soon after.

— Negan's POV —

Shit, I'm kinda fuckin' nervous.

This is really fuckin' real now.

I've already told the doc and Kayla. And now I gotta tell the wives.

I'm gonna be a dad. Holy shit.

I open the lounge door for Kayla and we both walk in. Tonya and Frankie are sitting on one couch talking while Sherry is standing beside the bar. Kayla sits down on the couch opposite Tonya and Frankie as I stay standing by the door.

"Come on down, Sherry. Have a fuckin' seat," I call out to her.

She grabs her drink and sits down beside Kayla. "What's going on, Negan?"

"Well," I scratch the back of my neck. Shit I _am_ fuckin' nervous. "I got some news today that you guys may want to fuckin' know." I clear my throat trying to think of the right way to say it. I mean, shit, I just blurted it out to Carson and Kayla, why is telling the rest of the wives harder?

"Are you gonna spit it out or...?" Tonya asks, getting impatient.

Here goes... "Chuck's pregnant with my kid."

Silence.

They just look around at each other.

"What?!" Frankie finally cries out.

They all look to Kayla who nods her head at them.

Sherry fuckin' shoots up and marches her ass right to me. "Did you do this on purpose?"

"No, I didn't do it on fuckin' purpose! You think I'm that kinda monster to knock a chick up without her say?!" First Chuck and now Sherry! What kind of a fuckin' man do they think I am?!

Sherry pushes at my chest and I don't stop her. "Well, it would get Chuck to agree to be your wife like you wanted. And we all know Negan always gets what he wants!"

I let out a frustrated growl. "Chuck, _herself_ , asked to be my wife fuckin' _yesterday_! We _both_ found out she was pregnant _today_!"

Now Tonya stands up. "You didn't _make_ her pregnant today! You could've planned this months ago! And that shit with that douche that took her was just a coincidence!"

" _No_." I walk away from them and start to fuckin' pace further into the room. "No no no _no_! I wouldn't fuckin' do that! To anyone! Least of all _Chuck_! I didn't plan this. I didn't do it on fucking _**purpose**_!" I pick up a bottle from the bar and launch it into the wall. Fuckin' glass shatters all over the fuckin' place.

I'm so fucking pissed at them for thinking I could do that. Force myself on her- _Make_ Chuck have my kid when she doesn't want it. I would never...

That's why _I'm_ here. Why I'm fuckin' alive. Because my father did that shit to my mom. She was gonna leave his sorry ass and he knew it, so he made sure she got pregnant. Made sure she had no other choice but to stay with him.

If I hadn't been born, she'd've left him. I'm the reason why she lived with so much pain. I'm the reason why she died fuckin' young because that sick fuck killed her. But she never let me know that shit. I only fuckin' found out all that shit after she died. When I read her goddamn journal. She always loved me and was good to me. I don't fuckin' know why because I ruined her life. She'd be alive if I hadn't been born. If my father hadn't raped her and forced her to have me.

I'm not like my father. I'm not. I wouldn't force Chuck. I'd never hurt her like that. If she doesn't want the baby then... I don't know what we'll do. But I'll make it right.

"I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't mean to. I'm not like that. I'm not like my father. I didn't do it. I wouldn't hurt her. I'd never hurt her. Not her. I didn't do it. We would've talked about it. I would've discussed it with her. I lost control on accident. Not on purpose. I'm not my father. I wouldn't do that like him. I wouldn't do that. I'm not like him. I didn't do it. I wouldn't-"

I feel a soft hand on my back. "Negan?"

I look up all confused. I didn't realize that I have been talking out loud. And that I'm sitting on one of the fuckin' couches with my head in my hands fuckin' shaking all over like a goddamn leaf.

"I think you're having a panic attack," Kayla says from beside me.

"Fuck." I stay in my position. "I wouldn't force her to get pregnant."

Kayla keeps rubbing my back. "I believe you, Negan. Just calm down. Breathe slowly."

Sherry comes and sits down on the other side of me. "We're just confused. You're always so adamant about using condoms that we didn't know how..."

"Me and Chuck didn't use them in the fuckin' beginning. It all just fuckin' happened and I didn't even think about it. I didn't care with her for some reason. And she didn't tell me she wanted me to wrap it up, so I thought she was fuckin' okay with it."

I finally sit up and rest my head on the back of the couch, rubbing my face with my hands. "She's gonna hate me if she doesn't want this kid."

Kayla lays her hand on my shoulder. "She won't hate you. She just needs time to think it over. She just went through a major trauma and now she's going through this major life event. Just... be there for her."

I nod and take a few minutes to calm myself down. "Don't fuckin' tell anyone about me acting like this. Not even Chuck. Not a fuckin' soul. I mean it."

"We won't," Sherry replies. "But _you_ should talk to _someone_ about it. This baby might stir up past feelings you never dealt with."

Fuck.

They heard me mention my father.

I've only ever told two people about him and I haven't told _anyone_ I'm a product of his rape.

"I'm fine." I get up to pace around some more.

"Are you getting rid of us now?" Frankie asks.

"No. Why would I do that?"

"You're having a baby with Chuck," Tonya states like that is obvious. "That changes shit."

I turn to face her. "No it doesn't."

Frankie pipes up. "When we all agreed to this, you said babies were off the table. You'd never get any us pregnant."

"So?"

Frankie looks at me confused. "Don't you want to be with her now? Exclusively? A baby is like 'serious relationship' material. Not like what we've all been doing with you."

"You guys are free to leave if you want-"

"I don't wanna leave. Not yet, anyway," Tonya interrupts. "But I'm not fucking you anymore. It would feel wrong now, I think."

"Me, too," Frankie agrees.

Kayla nods. "Yeah. Me, too."

"You shouldn't add any wives who will, either," Sherry fuckin' suggests. "Chuck deserves better than that."

I'm a little pissed, but she's right. For only the second time in my life, I have no desire to fuck around on my woman. I only stopped stepping out on Lucille when she was fuckin' dying. When it was too late to show her that she was my everything. I'm not doing that again. Not to Chuck. Not when she's got my kid in her belly. She's all mine. And now I'm all hers. No matter what our relationship is.

Not that I'm telling the wives that.

"Well, I'm gonna have my hands fuckin' full as it is, so adding to you wives would probably just be an extra pain in my ass."

"Good," is all Sherry says.

I run my fingers through my hair. "I don't expect you guys to help out with this. It's not your job. This is my-"

"We're all gonna be there for Chuck and the baby," Kayla says over me. "Right?" She turns to the rest of them.

"Of course," Sherry answers. Tonya and Frankie nodded, too.

Well that's good. At least Chuck will have some female support. I know fuck all about all this shit.

"But I'll be doing double duty between Chuck and Amber," Kayla said. "But all Chuck really needs in the first trimester is emotional support. And information."

I nod because I get the hint. She's telling me not to be a douchebag to her.

Kayla continues. "She'll be cranky and nauseous and tired all the time. So be patient with her."

"Duly noted." I turn to go out the door, but I pause, still facing away from them. "Thank you for being good to her."

I walk out and back into my apartment. As soon as I open my bedroom door, I hear Chuck puking her guts out in the bathroom, so I run in there to help her.

— —

"Negan. You don't have to-" Chuck tries to say, but she can't stop retching.

Negan holds her hair and rubs her back gently. "I'm here, baby girl."

Chuck doesn't stop until the entire contents of her stomach are in the toilet bowl. She wipes her mouth with toilet paper and flushes it down. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize." He holds out the mouthwash and she accepts it, rinsing her mouth and spitting.

"That was gross, though. You don't have to deal with that." She goes back out to the bedroom, plopping down on the bed with a groan, laying down on her back with her arm over her eyes.

"I'm gonna be with you every fuckin' step of the way, gross or not." He lays down on his side beside her, facing her. "And it's my little guy in there making you upchuck all that food you just ate." He tries to lay his hand on her stomach but she slaps it away.

"Don't touch my stomach, Negan. I'm still super nauseous."

"Alright." He sounds disappointed.

She removes her arm from her head and looks at him. "What did the wives say?"

He chuckles. "They said they'd be there for you."

"Were they angry?"

"No." He tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear. "I'm not gonna fuck them anymore. Or anyone else."

"I don't expect that from you."

"Why not?"

"It's not who you are."

He looks away from her for a moment. "Okay."

Chuck isn't sure, but he looks a little hurt by what she said. "I'm just gonna try to get some sleep," she responds as she looks away and gets under the covers.

"Alright." Negan gets out of the bed after giving her a kiss. "I'll be in the office."

She yawns as she speaks. "Night, Negan."

Some time later, in the middle of the night, Chuck wakes up gently to a warm sensation on her stomach. A hand, but not her own, is under her shirt and gently rubbing her stomach. Chuck stays still, relishing the feeling as a calmness washes over her. She can see out of the corner of her eye that Negan is propped up beside her, staring down at her stomach with a wide smile on his face.

She moves slightly and he instantly removes his hand and lays back.

"Don't stop, Negan," she whispers.

"I didn't mean to wake you up, sweetheart. Go back to sleep."

"It's okay." Chuck takes his hand in hers and leads it back under her shirt and to her stomach.

He shifts closer to her, laying his head on her chest as he begins to rub her stomach. "You good?" he whispers.

"Mmhmm." She wraps an arm around his broad shoulders, her other hand resting on his atop her stomach. "Do... Do you think I can do this? Be a mother?"

"Of course I do. You're gonna be a fuckin' awesome mother."

"Really?"

"Fuck yeah. You're the only-" He pauses and turns his head down to kiss her chest. "I couldn't imagine having a kid with a better woman than you."

She chuckles and moves her hand to cradle his head to her chest. She stays that way for several minutes. Long enough that she thinks Negan fell asleep. "We're having a baby," she whispers with a sense of wonder.

She can feel that his face move into a smile at her words. "Fuck yeah," he whispers half asleep. "We're having a baby."


	26. Chapter 26

Negan's soft humming voice gently rouses Chuck from her sleep the next morning. Turning over onto her other side, she takes in the sight of him. Sitting back against the headboard with a notebook in his hands, he's dressed only in his underwear and glasses. Chuck takes a glimpse at the clock and discovers it is just past 10am.

"What are you still doing here?" she asks him as she stretches.

"I'm taking the day off today." He takes his glasses off and sets them on the nightstand along with the notebook he was looking at. "And so are you," he adds then lays down and puts his arms around her.

"Oh?" she giggles and returns the hug. "I thought I had nothing but days off. Since I'm pretty much a kept woman now," she jokes.

He laughs. "'Kept woman?'" He pulls her closer to him and kisses her forehead. "Where'd you get that phrase from? Shit, that phrase was too old for _my_ fuckin' parents."

She laughs. "Well? It's kinda accurate."

He pulls back and gets out of bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay. My muscles are still kinda sore."

He walks around to her side of the bed and tries to smooth some of her wild hair. "Hungry?"

"Uh. Yeah?" she answers unconfidently.

"Nauseous?"

"It's not too bad." She sits up and stretches again.

"Want some pancakes?" he asks as he holds his hand out to help her from the bed.

"Yeah. That sounds good."

The pair prepare the food and eat their breakfast. After getting dressed, they head to the infirmary since Carson is expecting them for Chuck's ultrasound. She asked Negan if she needed to change into her wife clothing to go downstairs, but he said she didn't have to today. She dresses in her normal T-shirt and jeans.

"Knock, knock," Negan calls out as he and Chuck enter the infirmary.

Carson looks up from his notebook. "Hello Negan. Charlotte." He moves to shut the door behind the pair. "I have the vitamins on the counter." He points to the bottle. "If you'll change into the gown and lie on the table, I'll get the ultrasound set up so we can confirm the due date and check everything out."

Chuck picks up the gown and changes in the bathroom. She comes back out and lays down on the table as Carson gets the ultrasound ready. She knows that as early as she is, the ultrasound would have to be a vaginal one, so she tries to keep herself calm. She doesn't want to freak out about the awkwardness of the situation.

Carson sets a folded blanket over her legs and takes the wand in his hand. "Come forward a bit and put your legs in the stirrups," he directs at Chuck.

"Whoa," Negan calls out. "What the fuck is that thing?" He points to the wand.

"She's not far enough along for an abdominal ultrasound. We need to go a vaginal one."

"You're gonna stick that thing inside my wife?!" he asks incensed.

Chuck is a little taken aback. Not by his reaction, but by the fact that he called her his wife so easily. And so quickly after she had decided to move to the fifth floor.

"Sir-"

Chuck interrupts Carson. "I can do it myself." Chuck figures that it is the least awkward option to just insert the wand herself. She takes the wand from Carson and readies herself.

"Whoa, whoa. Wait! This is something that needs some fuckin' discussion, first."

"Negan," Chuck starts, "it's a medical procedure. I've had one before for ovarian cysts."

"What the fuck, Chuck? Why didn't you tell me this shit? I was expecting the fuckin' goop on the belly, you know. Not some guy sticking a fuckin' dildo lookin' thing up my wife's pussy?"

"Negan," she says lowly.

He takes a deep breath and looks from Chuck to Carson. "Fine." He looks back to Chuck. "But don't spring shit like this on me again."

Chuck applies the jelly and slowly inserts the wand as Carson focused on the screen. "I think that's it," she says when she feels that the instrument is in far enough. "Is it right?"

Carson gently takes the wand in his hand and begins to move it slightly to get the picture to come up. Soon enough, the screen is filled with something more familiar. "There it is."

"That's it?" Negan calls out, unimpressed. "That little bean is my baby?"

Chuck giggles at his reaction. "It's not gonna look like a baby yet." She looks back at the screen and studies the picture. It doesn't look like much. Not yet, anyway.

Carson does a few measurements and determines that she is about 7 weeks along.

"Wait. _Seven_ weeks?" Negan questions.

Chuck knows what he is going to ask before he does. "They count back from the last period. Not date of conception. It's more accurate that way."

"That's correct," Carson concurs.

"Okay. Cuz we didn't fuck seven weeks ago."

Chuck blushes at that.

"Date of conception would have been about five weeks ago. Give or take," Carson provides.

Negan visibly relaxes. "Alright. That sounds fuckin' right."

"We should be able to hear the heartbeat." Carson pushes a button on the machine, sending the sound of a tiny heartbeat through the speaker.

"Holy shit," Negan whispers as he leans over Chuck, to get a closer look at the screen.

Chuck can't control herself and lets out a giggle.

 _Oh my god. That's my baby. It sounds so perfect._

 _That's my child._

 _My child with Negan._

She looks up at Negan's face and smiles. He looks completely in awe, with his mouth agape and his eyes wide open. She gently pushes under his chin to close his mouth.

"Fuck, baby girl," he whispers as he brings his hand up to gently caress her head. "You made me a baby." He chuckles and bends down to place a kiss on her lips.

"Baby looks healthy," Carson provides after a moment. He finishes the exam and moves the machine back against the wall. "How are you feeling?" he asks Chuck as she sits up on the exam table.

"Not bad. My muscles are still a little sore from... the fight."

"Why don't you have Frankie work her fuckin' magic on you today?" Negan helps her down from the exam table. "Pregnant chicks can get massages, right?" he asks Carson.

"Yes, of course. Though lying on your stomach will get uncomfortable at some point," Carson answers.

They all say their goodbyes and head to the wives' lounge after Chuck cleans up and changes back into her clothes. As they enter the fifth floor, Negan stops them.

"Why don't you go in, get some lunch, and ask Frankie for that rub down. I've got some shit to work on."

"I thought you were taking the day off?" Chuck teases.

He smirks and lets out a chuckle. "It's _mostly_ off."

They part ways and Chuck enters the lounge.

"Hey, Chuck," Sherry greets from the kitchen.

"Hi, guys," Chuck responds.

Kayla comes forward from the couch she was reading on. "How are you feeling today?"

"Okay. I'm fine."

"We were just going to eat some lunch," Sherry calls out. "You hungry."

"Yeah, actually. That sounds great."

"How's the baby treating you?" Tonya asks with a laugh.

"Okay, I guess. We got an ultrasound today and everything's good. But it's not really much of a baby yet," Chuck jokes as she sits at the table to wait for her food. She is happy that the wives are taking the news of her pregnancy well.

The other women sit down at the table, as well, and start to eat the food Sherry had prepared.

"I never wanted children," Frankie blurts out.

"Really?" Sherry asks as she swallows her bite. "Never?"

"No. I know everyone thinks that's weird, but I never thought I'd be the mothering type. I like other people's kids but... I just never wanted to actually raise one." She finishes with a shrug.

"I'm the same way," Tonya replies. "Babies seem like too much work."

"I always wanted a bunch of kids. I love 'em. Obviously," Kayla says with a giggle. "But I'm not sure about that anymore in this world."

"Did you want kids, Chuck?" Sherry asks.

Chuck takes a deep breath and sighs. "I never even thought about it. I've never really been good with kids, so..." She looks down at herself. "I'm a little scared about the whole thing."

"That's normal, sweetie," Kayla coos. "But you'll have plenty of support here."

The conversation shifts to more lighthearted fare as the women continue to eat.

"I was wondering," Chuck starts, "if you could maybe give me a massage, Frankie."

"Yeah, sure," she answers enthusiastically.

"Frankie is _very_ good with her hands," Tonya says with a seductive smirk.

Frankie giggles. "I don't think she wants _your_ kind of massage."

Chuck laughs along with the other women as they finish their meals.

"So... You're a full-on wife now," Tonya asks to Chuck as everyone clears their plates.

"Uh, yeah," Chuck begins. "Negan was right. It's safer up here." She absentmindedly places her hand on her stomach. "And now... I mean, I guess I would've come up here anyway."

"Well, I'm glad you're here." Tonya walks over to Chuck and gives her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you," Chuck whispers.

The other women come around Chuck and all hugged her, as well, which elicits a giggle from her.

"We're all in this together." Sherry says softly. "And we're all here for each other."

"You guys are so amazing," Chuck replies genuinely as the women back away from each other. "I don't know what I did to deserve you guys."

Frankie starts to set up her massage table in the lounge after Chuck had said it was okay for the other wives to be there. Chuck changes into a robe in the wives' bathroom and pulls her hair up into a messy bun, returning moments later to the lounge.

Frankie gestures to her table. "Lay on your stomach and get comfy."

Chuck does as she is told and positions herself so Frankie can remove the robe. Frankie pulls the garment from Chuck's shoulders and folds it over her backside.

"Oh my god," Frankie whispers as she lightly brushes her fingers over Chuck's back. "Do these hurt?" She refers to the bruises still adorning Chuck's skin.

"A little. My muscles hurt worse."

Kayla looks over Chuck, too. "Gosh. There's so many bruises. I'm so sorry, Chuck."

She doesn't want the women to make a fuss, so she decides to downplay her injuries. "It's fine. They're really not that bad."

Everyone is quiet for a moment until Frankie moves forward to begin the massage. "Tell me if you have any pain."

After several minutes of Frankie working on her muscles, Chuck feels noticeably better. "Wow, Frankie. I've never had a massage before and I'm kinda kicking myself. This feels amazing. I wish I had massages like every day before now."

"We can make this a weekly thing. I already do the rest of the wives every week."

"Hey!" Negan's jovial voice comes from the doorway as he enters. "Is this a happy fuckin' ending kinda massage?" He walks further into the room and plops down on the couch nearest to where Frankie is working.

"No, Negan," Chuck says, unimpressed with Negan's comment as the other women chuckle.

"Do you even know what I'm talking about, sweetheart?"

Chuck picks her head up to give him the "really?" look. "I'm not an idiot. And that's a super old joke, anyway."

He gives her the "I'm impressed" face and sits back on the couch with his hands behind his head. "How much longer 'til you're done there, Frankie?"

"A few more minutes. She's carrying a lot of stress right between her shoulders." Frankie focuses on the spot, pressing hard into it.

It is uncomfortable at first but once the knot releases, Chuck feels so much better. "Mmm oh. That feels amazing," she moans.

"Watch out now, Chuck," Tonya calls out with a laugh. "Negan's gonna pop a boner if you keep sounding like that."

Chuck can feel her blush creep up her cheeks. "Stop teasing!" she cries out with a giggle. "I didn't really sound that bad, did I?"

Tonya shrugs. "It got me a little wet so I _know_ Negan's got at least a stiffy."

"Alright, alright. Jesus Christ, Tonya. Keep it in your pants." Negan shifts forward to lean his elbows on his knees.

"All done, Chuck." Frankie calls out and pulls the robe back over Chuck.

Chuck gets dressed and says her goodbyes, leaving with Negan to go back to his room. He stops right outside his closed office door and turns around to Chuck with a smirk on his face.

"I got a surprise for you," he says in a singsong voice.

"Oh?"

He opens the doors with a flourish and walks into his office with Chuck close behind, her eyes scanning the room for Negan's mysterious surprise. She casts her gaze to her right and sees a huge cat tree lining the wall. In the corner beside the door is a big fancy covered litter box. And all the cats from outside are milling about inspecting their surroundings.

Chuck lets out an excited noise and runs over to hug Negan. "Thank you."

He throws his arms around her, too. "You're welcome, baby girl." He kisses the top of her head. "But I'm not cleaning a litter box, so that's your job."

"I can't. Pregnant women can't clean litter boxes."

He pulls back to look at her face. "You can pull the pregnant card already, sweetheart."

"It's true. It says it on every box of litter. I swear," she replies as she giggles. "There's something in cat pee that can cause a miscarriage, or something."

"Goddamnit. I wouldn't've brought them up here if I knew that! Looks like Sam and Jose are getting a new job. As shit scoopers."

Chuck giggles at his comment and bends down to pet the mother cat who has started to rub up on her legs.

"That's not the only surprise," he states and beckons her with his hand to follow him into his bedroom.

As she enters, she sees a huge flatscreen tv to her right on the wall with the seating area rearranged to face it. Under the tv is a shelf with various gaming consoles and both games and Blu-rays.

"Like it?" he asks with his arms outstretched.

"Jeez, Negan. This is..." She looks around trying to think of the right words. "I-It's great. I mean... I feel kinda weird that you're doing so much for me. Like... you're doing _too_ much for me."

He lets out a sigh and walks toward her. "Nothing is gonna be too much for you from now on. You're my girl." He places his hand on her stomach. "And you got my fuckin' baby in your belly. I'm gonna give you guys everything in the whole world."

She giggles and turns to look at the tv. "Still... We have the power for all this?"

"Yup. No need to worry that pretty fuckin' head of yours about all that shit. We actually got somewhat of a power surplus with all the fuckin' solar panels we got. And this factory was set up with that hydroelectric shit from the river nearby. I have guys that know that shit in and out and maintain it."

As Negan talks, Chuck scans all the games that he had brought up to her. One of the boxes catches her eye and she makes an excited gasp.

"You okay there?" he says with a chuckle.

"Oh my god! This is my favorite game!" She pulls the box out and shows it to him.

"Last of Us?" he asks. "Never heard of it."

Chuck rips the box open and gets everything turned on and ready for her to play.

"You're playing this shit right the fuck now?"

"Yup." Before she sits down on the couch to start, she opens up the door to the office. "Here kitty kitty kitty-"

"Nope!" Negan jumps up and closes the door. "Nope nope nope. No fuckin' cats in my bedroom. Fuckin' clawing at my shit. Getting cat hair all over the damn place."

"Aww." She looks up at him with wide eyes. "They'll be good. And what's the point of having cats if you don't let them snuggle with you?" she asks sweetly.

He narrows his eyes at her before he speaks. "You know, you always give me that same fuckin' look when you want something from me."

"I do?" she asks innocently. She is unaware of what look she apparently gives him.

He steps in close to her. "It's real fuckin' good that you don't have a malicious bone in your body because you got me wrapped around your fuckin' pinky finger, little girl." He opens the door up and yells to the cats. "Get your furry asses in here." He turns back around and plops himself down on the couch, waiting for Chuck to join him.

Chuck giggles and sits down beside him, starting her game. The cats don't venture into the bedroom for several minutes, still a little wary of their new surroundings. But after a while, they get more comfortable and jump up on the couch. Even though Negan shoos them away from him for a while, he eventually lets them crawl over him and sit in his lap.

The whole time Chuck is playing, she explains the whole story and game mechanics to Negan, who has very little knowledge of what she is talking about. She has just finished telling him about what clickers are in the game when she looks away from the screen to him. He is looking at her with a wide grin and soft eyes.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I don't understand a single fuckin' thing you're saying about this game, but you look cute as shit saying it."

She brushes off his compliment. "You say everything is cute."

"Just you."

She looks at him for a few moments before shoving him away playfully. "Shut up!"

The next two weeks go by easily, with Chuck's bruises fading and her injuries all completely healed. It has taken her a little time to adjust to life on the fifth floor full time, but she has plenty of things to busy herself with, including rearranging her new room to her liking.

She hasn't brought herself to venture back down to the lower floors, though. She knows she'd have to get all dolled up in her "wife uniform" to mingle with the rest of the population and she isn't ready for all that. But she finds herself almost missing Dr. Carson and the infirmary.

She also misses Simon, who has been oddly absent. Every time she had asked Negan about him, all he would say was that Simon was too busy for a social visit with her. That made her a little sad to hear; she considers Simon her close friend. And he is going to be the first person Chuck will tell about her pregnancy when she feels it is the right time to. With some discussion with Negan first, of course.

"What are you reading?" Negan asks as he sits on the edge of the bed and takes his boots off. He has been out later than normal in a meeting with some of the heads of the outposts and just came home.

"Return of the King," Chuck answers and sits up a little more on the headboard.

Negan stands and takes his jacket off, throwing it on his couch. "Did you eat?" He asks as he heads into the bathroom.

"Yeah," she responds. "But I wish I had some pizza."

"You craving pizza, baby girl?" he calls out.

The sound of him relieving himself in the toilet makes Chuck scrunch her face up. "You could close the door when you're in there."

He washes his hands and comes back out. "What's the fuckin' point?" he asks with a laugh and strips down to his underwear.

"Decorum?" she answers with a shrug. "I don't wanna hear you peeing. Or see it." She closes the book and sets it on the nightstand.

"That sounds like a 'you' problem." He snickers and slides under the covers facing her after he turns the lights off. "Turn around, sweetheart."

She studies his face for a few moments as he lays there with his eyes closed waiting for her to turn so he can cuddle up to her back. "You're kinda beautiful," she says quietly.

His lips slowly curve into a smile, but he doesn't open his eyes. "Is that so?"

"How different do you think you would be if you weren't? I wonder how people would treat you if you looked more... plain."

He quirks his eyebrow and spies at her with one of his eyes. "What are you fuckin' talking about?" he asks with a chuckle.

"Haven't you ever thought about stuff like that? How your life would be changed if you looked different? I think about stuff like that." She brings her hand up and traces the bridge of his nose lightly with her finger. " _You_ definitely wouldn't get away with most of the stuff you do if you weren't so handsome. I'm sure of it." She traces around his smiling lips. "Maybe you would've gotten a job as an insurance salesman instead a teacher," she giggles. "Maybe you wouldn't have been married. Or maybe you would've had three ex wives and a ton of alimony payments." She giggles again. "Do you think all these people would've followed you so easily if you weren't so good looking?"

He laughs. "If I had a beer gut and a receding hairline I'd still be a badass motherfucker. It doesn't matter what I look like."

"You think? It always matters what you look like." She pushes her hair back from her face and brings her hands under her head. "I know my whole life would've been different if I were beautiful like you."

He stares back at her, but doesn't say anything.

"Maybe I would've been married before all this." She shrugs. "I probably would've had more friends in high school. Been more... personable. Took up cheerleading instead of music. Got drunk with all the cool kids on the weekends." She chortles.

"I would've never let you hang out with those dickwads."

"If I had been born pretty like them I would've _been_ one of those dickwads," she jokes.

"Why don't you think you're beautiful?" he asks suddenly.

She shrugs dismissively. "Because I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not fishing for compliments, Negan. I'm just saying... I know what I look like," she states with another shrug.

"And I'm not fuckin' placating you, Chuck. I'm looking at the same face you do. You're just too fuckin' hard on yourself."

She chuckles nervously. "I didn't mean for this conversation to turn into a self esteem thing. You still got some of those pamphlets they used to keep in the guidance office I could look over?" she jokes.

"Stop being a smartass," he murmurs and pushes his lips to hers in a sweet kiss. "Now turn the fuck around so we can sleep."

Instead of turning over, she shifts closer to him and kisses him again. She and Negan haven't had sex since before the attack and she misses the intimacy. She is truly grateful that Negan hasn't pushed her into anything too quickly, but she feels she is ready now.

He brings his hand up to cradle her cheek, seemingly reading her mind of her intentions. "You sure, baby girl?" he asks softly.

"Yeah." She sits up a little and takes off her tank top, laying back down beside him after.

He gently runs his hand over her hair and down to her shoulder, pulling her into him slowly. Her lips caress over his languidly as she moves her hand down to cup him through his boxers.

"Fuck," he groans. "I've missed you."

She giggles and tugs at his underwear. He lifts his hips slightly and assists her. She removes the rest of her clothes and cuddles into Negan for a few minutes, just allowing him to hold her.

She starts to place kisses on his chest, working her way up to his neck and finally to his lips. Negan cups the back of her head and fervently kisses her back.

"Negan," she says breathlessly.

"Yeah, baby?"

She throws her leg over his hip and leads him to her entrance. "Please, Negan. I want you."

He holds her body close and slowly enters her wet heat. "Fuck," he growls. "You always feel so goddamn perfect to me."

She giggles and begins to roll her hips slowly. He meets her rhythm and thrusts into her as he runs his hands up and down her body. The entire time, Negan is soft and gentle, allowing her to set the pace.

Chuck cums easily, moaning softly into Negan's ear. She holds onto him tightly as he continues to plunge himself into her, seeking his own end.

"Can I cum inside?" he asks breathlessly.

She laughs before answering. "There's no reason not to now."

"Fuck," he groans as he pushes her gently to lay back on the bed, still thrusting into her in a steady pace. "Oh fuck, I'm gonna cum." His rhythm falters as he paints her walls with his seed. He collapses on top of her, keeping most of his weight on his knees and elbows. They lay still for a while, breathing heavily as they come down from their highs.

"Don't fall asleep on top of me," Chuck says with a chuckle after a few minutes.

Negan rolls off of her and clutches her to his chest. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No. You were very gentle."

"Good."

"I'm fine. I'm not made of glass."

"I know, baby girl." He kisses the top of her head. "But I'm always gonna fuckin' worry about you. Even more now that you're knocked up."

She chuckles. "Did you ever think you'd knock up one of your students?"

He groans loudly. "Jesus fucking Christ, Chuck! Don't word it that way."

Her whole body shakes as she laughs hysterically. "I mean, it's still kinda true."

"You're a _former_ student and you're twenty-fuckin'-five years old," he growls, but not really angry at her.

"If someone had time travelled back to my senior year and told you that the actual zombie apocalypse was gonna happen and that me and you would have a baby, which part of that story would you have thought was the most unbelievable?"

"Hmm," he thinks it through, "as long as there was a stipulation that I would knock you up _well_ after you turned eighteen... I'd say the zombie apocalypse would have been way more fuckin' unlikely."

"Really?" she laughs. "I would've given just about anything a better chance than us sleeping together." She lifts her hand up and counts off the list. "Aliens visiting... Winning the lottery... Chris Hemsworth leaving his wife for me... Developing ESP..."

"Who the fuck's Chris Hemsworth?" he interrupts rather indignantly.

"An actor. A big beefy Australian actor." She looks at Negan and sees that he has no idea who she's talking about. "He played Thor."

He scrunches his face up at that. " _That_ dude?! You like _that_ dude?"

"Uh... yes! Definitely!"

"Pfft," he dismisses.

"He's gorgeous and buff. And he seems kinda goofy which is always a plus."

"He's probably a fuckin' dickhead."

She laughs at his reaction. "Are you jealous?"

"I'm not fuckin' _jealous_ ," he replies quickly.

She giggles and cuddles into his chest. "I promise that if Chris Hemsworth comes sniffing around, I won't run away with him..." she pauses, "without saying goodbye first," she teases.

"Oh no you fuckin' won't." Negan flips Chuck over and begins to tickle her relentlessly. Her frenetic laughs only dissipating into moans as Negan begins to pleasure her again, and not for the last time that night.


	27. Chapter 27

After her breakfast, Chuck decides that she wants to check out the marketplace for some knitting needles and yarn. Her mother had taught her how to knit when she was a little girl and it was something that she had found relaxing before the turn. Her mom had also believed that whenever a baby was born, they needed a handmade blanket. It didn't matter if her mother barely knew the woman, if that woman were pregnant, then her mother would knit the baby a blanket.

Chuck enters the lounge, knowing that she needs a little help with getting ready for her first trek downstairs alone as a wife, but is a little shy to ask for it.

"Morning," she greets Tonya and Frankie, who are the only ones there, as she enters.

"Hey," Frankie responds.

"So," Chuck starts a little hesitantly, "I wanted to go downstairs today-"

"Makeover!" Tonya interrupts excitedly.

Chuck laughs at her reaction. "You didn't even let me get the whole sentence out."

"That's what you were going to ask, right? For us to make you over?" Tonya asks, still excited.

"Well, I don't know about a whole _makeover_. I just want to look like a wife, I guess."

"You'll need a dress from the closet," Frankie offers as she takes Chuck's hand and leads her down the hall with Tonya following behind.

The wives all have their own favorite clothes in their rooms, but the overflow is kept in a communal closet that happens to feature a fully stocked vanity as well. There are dresses and outfits of all different sizes, too. Chuck assumes that is for any potential new wives Negan might add to the group at any moment.

"What kind of dress are you looking for?" Frankie asks.

"Like a plain one, I guess. Nothing too revealing."

Tonya holds up a very low cut, skintight dress, then immediately puts it back down. "I guess that one's out."

Eventually, they find a classy black A-line dress with a halter neckline and pair it with ankle strap heels. Even though Chuck is always self conscious about her body, she is comfortable enough with the women to strip down to her underwear in front of them to get dressed. She begins by taking her shirt off to change into the garment.

"Damn girl!" Tonya exclaims as soon as Chuck gets her shirt off. "Let them titties breathe! You're strangling them!"

Chuck laughs at her antics, but she knows what she is talking about. All of her old favorite bras seem to be getting too tight. "Yeah. I think my boobs grew a little bit from all the hormones."

"A little bit?" Tonya calls out in disbelief. "You're at least a full cup size bigger than that bra!"

Frankie giggles. "You need a racerback with that dress, anyway. We'll find you a bra that fits."

With the outfit all sorted and put on, Chuck takes a seat at the vanity. "Do I really need all that makeup?" she asks, unenthused, as Tonya readies the products she thinks she'll use.

"Negan didn't give you the speech?" Frankie asks as she looks from Chuck to Tonya.

"I guess not...?" Chuck responds.

"Long story short, yes, you _need_ the makeup," Tonya starts. "The dresses aren't enough. We're supposed to look flawless when we're around the workers so they think we're fucking goddesses or whatever. Negan's orders."

"Ok, fine. Just... don't do it too heavy. I want, like, _natural_ makeup."

"Of course!" Tonya says cheerily.

"But... Will you make sure to cover up these pimples. I've been a little broken out lately." Chuck never really had a problem with acne since she got out of high school, but she has noticed a change in her skin as of late.

"Is that because of the pregnancy, too?" Frankie asks.

"I think so," Chuck answers.

Tonya makes short order of the makeup and in no time, Chuck is all done up.

"Wow," Chuck exclaims as she looks in the mirror at her flawless skin and subtle eye makeup. "You're really good at this. The last time I tried to actually do a full face of makeup was my high school graduation and I ended up washing it all off right before the ceremony because it was horrible."

Tonya finishes off by applying a light pink lip balm and pulling Chuck's long hair back into a loose braid down her back. "Do you want us to go downstairs with you?"

"No. I'm just gonna pick some things up and come right back." Chuck gets up and starts to leave. "Thanks for doing all this. I'll see you guys later."

She walks down the hallway toward the stairwell, trying to walk normally in the heels that she isn't used to. "Hey, Sam," she greets as she reaches the door.

He looks a little startled. "Shit. You look really... I've never seen you all dolled up before," he stammers.

Chuck giggles nervously. "Well, I'm headed downstairs, so I kinda have to dress up."

"Oh, yeah. Of course." He scrambles to open the door for her. "There you go, Chuck."

"Thanks," she says with a smile as she walks by.

The hallways are pretty sparse as she travels The Sanctuary, which she is happy about. The fewer people she has to see, the better. But she knows that the marketplace will be teeming with people. It always is.

She enters the marketplace and it goes well. For about thirty five seconds. As soon as people start to notice that "a wife" is on the floor, everything goes quiet. And Chuck hates it. The stares. The whispers. She turns around quickly to leave, but runs headfirst into a hard body.

"I'm s-sorry," she stammers before she looks up at the man who has his hands on her shoulders.

"Everyone get back to it!" the man directly in front of her calls out and the commotion of the marketplace starts back up instantly. "You okay, ang- uh... kiddo?"

"Simon!" Chuck greets excitedly. "I haven't seen you in forever!"

"Uh... yeah. Shit's been real busy."

"I guess!" She swats his shoulder playfully. "Are you busy right now?"

He looks around the room. "Not really."

"Great! Will you help me find some things?"

"Sure. What do you need?"

 _Oh shoot. I haven't talked to Negan about telling Simon about the baby. And I'm definitely not going to tell him in the middle of this crowd that I'm knocked up. Telling him, "I need stuff to knit a blankie for my baby," is a hundred percent not gonna happen right at this moment._

"I, uh... There's not a lot to do up on the fifth floor really, so I thought I could start to knit. You know, make something useful while I'm not working anymore."

"So you need what? Yarn?" he asks genuinely. Chuck is glad that he has taken her at her word and doesn't think any further about it.

"Yeah. And needles." She pantomimes the action for him when he looks confused.

"Oh. Okay. Uh..." He looks around the room and points off to the right. "I think _she's_ got cloth and shit. Maybe some of what you need, too."

They head to the woman's table and cut in front of the line standing before it. Chuck gives the people waiting an apologetic smile before she looks at the woman's wares. She has a few skeins of yarn in various colors, but no needles. Chuck picks up the yarn, but Simon takes it from her, opting to carry it for her as they hunt down the rest of her supplies.

"Why don't we look over here," Chuck suggests as she points to the left.

Simon clears his throat after they turn away from the table. "That dress is..." Simon starts, but trails off.

Chuck turns her head to look at him as they walk. "Yeah, I know. It's not really me, is it?" She shrugs and turns back.

"That's not what I was gonna say..."

They walk up to the next table which has some more yarn and some needles. Chuck hands the stuff to Simon and he places it in his arms.

"Where to, now?" she asks and Simon points her to another table. "So, what's been keeping you so busy?" she asks casually as they walk.

"You know... This and that."

She giggles. "Is that code for 'you don't need to know'?"

He laughs. "No. It's just boring stuff you wouldn't care about. Inventory shit. Shit with the outposts. Stuff like that."

"Hmm."

They continue to stop at tables, finding yarns of various colors and several sets of needles, as well as some graphing paper so Chuck can make patterns. Chuck picks up the last of the yarn from the final table and hands it to Simon. She giggles as he struggles a little bit with all of the things piled in his arms. He smiles back at her, but it falls as his eyes focus on something behind her.

"What the fuck's going on here?" Negan's voice calls out as he walks up to the pair. Everyone takes a knee, then stands back up when Negan tells them to. "I didn't know you liked to fuckin' crochet, Simon," he says with a booming laugh.

Chuck laughs with Negan. "Yup. I've been helping Simon pick this stuff out," she jokes. "He's gonna knit personalized beer can coozies for all the saviors."

Both men chuckle at her joke.

"I assume this shit is for you wives," Negan replies after the laughs fade.

"Yeah," Chuck answers. "Something to do," she adds with a shrug.

"Why don't you help her get that shit upstairs," Negan directs at Simon.

"Uh..." Simon starts, almost confused. "Sure, boss."

"Did you need anything else, sweetheart?" Negan asks as he looks her up and down.

"No. This is it."

"Ok." Negan brings her in for a hug and kisses the top of her head sweetly. "I'll be up in a fuckin' bit. Simon, meet me on the second floor when you're done with that shit." He turns away from them and walks through the large room to the exit.

"Ready?" Chuck asks Simon.

"Absolutely, kiddo."

They make their way upstairs and Chuck leads Simon to her room.

"Just dump all that stuff on my bed."

He opens his arms up over her bed and everything he was carrying tumbles out. "This is quite an upgrade from your last room," he notes as he straightens back up and looks around.

Simon is right. This room is much nicer than her old one. There is a queen sized bed situated in the middle of the large room. She has a small, mostly empty (for now) walk-in closet off to the left of the bed and a sitting area with two couches to the right. The color scheme is all in purples, Chuck's favorite color.

"Yeah. It's not bad," she replies with a chuckle.

He walks over and leans on the arm of one of the couches. "You like it up here?"

She nods. "Yeah. I do. I mean, I'm still kinda getting used to it, actually. Not working and stuff. But... It's been good." She gives him a warm smile.

He walks up to her and wraps her in a hug. "I'm glad you're happy," he whispers into the top of her head. He stays that way for a few moments until he pulls back and makes his way to the door. "I better not let Negan wait any more."

"Yeah," she giggles, "probably not. See ya later."

Simon gives her a final look then leaves.

Chuck sorts all the knitting supplies on her bed and thinks about the blanket she will make with them. She runs her hands over the yarn and remembers all the different blankets her mom had made and given away.

"I bet you would've made the most beautiful blanket for your own grandchild," Chuck says aloud as she brings her hand to her stomach. "I wish you were still here with me, mom."

She allows her tears to flow as she thinks of how much she misses her mother. "God!" She wipes her cheeks and chuckles after a few minutes. "Get it together! Don't cry so much over everything. Stupid hormones."

She checks herself in her mirror, making sure that her makeup still looked okay, and leaves to go back to the lounge. When she gets close to the room, though, she pauses. There is a fairly familiar smell emanating from the room. It is the unmistakable smell of marijuana. Chuck slowly walks in to the sounds of the other wives giggling.

"It seems like you guys are having fun," Chuck states as she walks further into the room.

"Oh my god, Chuck! You look so pretty!" Kayla exclaims from the couch with her eyes barely open.

"We're all pretty high in here," Sherry called out as she passes a joint to Frankie.

"I see that," Chuck replies with a giggle.

"Jose gave us weed," Tonya explains as she accepts the joint from Frankie. "I guess one of the communities grows a shit ton of it and gave some to us as tribute or whatever."

"Too bad you can't have any now, huh, Chuck," Frankie says with a chuckle.

Chuck laugh. "I've never really been one for pot, anyway. So, I'm not too broken up about it."

"Let me guess," Tonya gets up and strolls over to Chuck, "you never tried it."

"Well... no," Chuck answers.

Tonya squeals and hugs Chuck tight. "You're so goddamn cute! I just wanna corrupt the shit outta you!"

All of the women laugh until a booming voice coming from the doorway startles them all.

"Excuse the _shit_ outta me, but what the everloving _fuck_ is going on in here!"

— Negan's POV —

I take my fuckin' time walking up to the second floor meeting room because I know it'll take a few minutes for Simon to get all that knitting shit up to the fifth floor and then get back the fuck down here. I strike up a conversation with a few of the saviors about various shit right outside the meeting room until I see Simon walking down the hallway.

"Alright, guys. Fuck off and get back to work," I say to them as I turn to enter the meeting room with Simon trailing a few feet behind me. "Close the door," I call back to him as I take my seat at the head of the table and Simon sits down to my right.

I take in a deep breath and exhale. This is not something that I really want to say, but I know I have to. Simon has been making himself fuckin' scarce recently and I don't fuckin' like it. So I have to swallow my goddamn pride and make shit right between us. "That shit I said to you after Chuck moved in upstairs... I just... reacted badly. And I was a dick to you."

"Yeah. You were." He sits back in the chair and scratches the back of his neck. "But I was kind of a dick, too. It's just, with Chuck..." He pauses like he doesn't want to say it.

"I know, brother." I know what he's trying to say. He loves her. And I'm not gonna fuckin' fault him for it or blame him. Or rub it in his face that she doesn't love him back.

"I can't help it, Negan."

"I know."

"I just want what's best for her. I want her to be happy."

"I know. I want that shit, too. That's why I want you in her life."

He nods.

"But I also want her in _your_ life because she's important to you. And I need you in a good fuckin' place, so you can run this shit with me." I take a deep breath and squeeze his shoulder for a second. "And you're my fuckin' friend and I feel like shit that you're not happy."

He laughs. "Shit, she's making you soft."

"Shut the fuck up." I chuckle. "She's been asking about you a lot."

"She has?"

"Yeah. I don't want you to think that I'll punish you for being her friend and talking to her and shit. I know you won't fuckin' touch her or anything. I trust you with her."

"Can I trust _you_ with her?"

Fuck. I want to be mad at him, but that's a fair question. He's seen what I do to people. How I've hurt people my whole life.

"I'll be good to her. I really will."

He looks away from me and tenses his jaw. "Don't lie to me, Negan. Have you slept with her?" He turns his face back to me and stares right in my eyes.

Shit.

I look away from him. "Simon..." I trail off.

He lets out a humorless laugh. "I knew it." He says almost to himself as he shakes his head and looks away. "When?"

"'Bout a couple months ago."

He smiles and shrugs sarcastically. "At least you waited as long as you did."

"It's just sex, Simon."

"For you, maybe."

"No. For _her_. You heard what she said when you asked her if she loved me. It was the truth. She doesn't fuckin' love me. At least... not like a... _husband_. She sees me as a fuckin' friend. Not..." I look down at my own hands before I scrub at my jaw.

He lets out a humorless laugh after processing my words. "I should be laughing in your face right now, you know that? It seems like fucking karma that the only other woman you'd fall in love with won't fall in love with you."

"Yeah." I let out a sad laugh. I've known for a while that my feelings for her are more than just friendly, even if I tried to convince myself that's all they fuckin' are. "You're probably fuckin' right. I had the heart of a good woman once and I fucked it up. I don't deserve another one."

He looks at me, silent, for a few seconds. "You still fuck her?"

I nod.

"Of course," he says fuckin' sarcastically. "You still get to have her even if she won't give her heart to you." He sniffs loudly and rubs at his face. He's quiet for a few minutes until he looks back up at me. "Why the fuck can't I hate you?" he asks me seriously with a confused fuckin' look on his face.

I look him dead in the eye. "I don't know. You probably should."

"But I don't. I never could. You know I tried."

"We've been through too much shit together. Even if I was a dick, I still always thought of you as my brother."

"Yeah..."

"I want you here with me, Simon. I know I'm a fuckin' narcissist and the face of all this shit, but you built this, too. No matter what, I need you here with me. Even if I don't deserve it."

He looks down and nods slowly. "I want a raise," he jokes quietly.

I laugh loudly. "You name it."

He laughs with me and stands up. "Oh, I will."

I stand and bring him in for a hug. "Thank you, brother."

"You owe me so much for all the shit I put up with."

"I know." I clap him on the back and we leave, going our separate ways down the hall. That went much better than I thought it would.

I head up to the fifth floor to make my baby... _babies_ , I guess, some lunch and maybe get some if Chuck's in the mood before I get on with the rest of my day.

"Good day, sir" Jose greets as I walk through the door to my floor and I nod at him.

I get about halfway down the hall before the stench of weed fills my fuckin' nose. "Goddamnit," I groan to myself. We haven't even had that shit here for twenty four hours and my wives already got ahold of it.

I get to the door and I can hear them all fuckin' giggling and talking.

" _Well... no._ " That's Chuck's voice. Chuck is in there with them?!

There is a high pitched yell and then Tonya's fuckin' voice. " _You're so goddamn cute! I just wanna corrupt the shit outta you!_ "

Oh hell no! They're not making Chuck smoke that shit when she's fuckin' pregnant!

I stomp into the room and yell, "Excuse the _shit_ outta me, but what the everloving _fuck_ is going on in here!"

— —

Negan pulls Chuck closer to him and waves his hand around in the air, like he is trying to waft the smoke away. "You make her smoke that shit?!" he yells to the wives.

"No!" Tonya spits back.

Chuck giggles at the situation. Negan running in like an upset parent. All the wives trying so hard to keep it together. All of it is hilarious to her.

"She's fuckin' high!" Negan yells.

"I'm not high!" Chuck calls out. "I just think this is funny. I wouldn't even smoke weed if I weren't pregnant and I'm definitely not going to now."

Negan narrows his eyes, but seems to believe her. He looks back to the wives and pinches the bridge of his nose. "I assume Jose gave you that shit when he came on shift."

"Only some joints. But I want more weed and some pipes," Tonya asserts.

"Absolutely not," Negan answers quickly.

Tonya lets out a petulant groan. "You said we'd get whatever we wanted up here and I want weed! We all do!"

"I'm not giving you guys fucking weed!"

"Come on, Negan. Why not? It doesn't hurt anyone," Kayla asks.

"Really? You, too?" he responds to her and she shrugs innocently. "I fuckin' hate weed and I don't really want you ladies smoking it. That's why."

"You've never smoked pot before?" Sherry asks with a quirked eyebrow.

"Of course I have. I went to fuckin' college! And I gained thirty pounds because I was just smoking a ton of weed and sitting on my ass all day. That's why I fuckin' hate weed!"

"So you don't want us to get fat? That's why we can't have it?" Tonya asks with a confused look on her face.

He lets out a heavy breath. "I don't give a shit if you get fuckin' fat. Weed just makes people lazy as fuck!" He takes a deep breath and pinches the bridge of his nose again. "Fine. I'll get you weed. But you'll have to be happy with what I give you every week! No fuckin' whining that you want more. And no smoking in the lounge _or_ around Chuck. Got it?"

The wives all agree and thank Negan, then go back to whatever they were doing before they started smoking.

"I want to show you what I picked up today," Chuck says to Negan as the wives all start to talk amongst themselves.

Chuck bids her farewells and leads Negan to her room. As soon as the door is closed, Negan wraps his arms around Chuck from behind and begins to kiss her neck.

"You look fuckin' amazing in that dress," he growls in her ear. "You have no idea how close I was to pulling you into the fuckin' hallway and pushing up that skirt of yours when I saw you in the market today."

She laughs as she turns in his arms and pushes him gently away from her. "Don't get me sidetracked. I want to show you this." She walks over to the yarn and motions for him to join her.

Negan groans. "Looks like fuckin' _yarn_ to me," he says, seemingly unimpressed.

"Negan!" she chides with a slap to his arm. "I'm being serious here. I want to make a blanket for the baby. My mom loved kitting blankets for babies and I wanted to make sure that tradition lived on."

"Shit," Negan whispers apologetically and brings her in for a hug. "I didn't mean to be an asshole, baby girl."

"It's okay. I just wanted to ask you what colors you wanted."

"Hmm," he releases her to look through the colors. "What do _you_ want?"

"I want to use some of these purples." She points to the various shades of the color ranging from light pastels to dark royals.

"That's good."

She giggles at how lost he looks as he moves the skeins around. "What do _you_ want, though?"

"I don't fuckin' know."

"Well, what colors do you like? It might be cute to make a blanket with our favorite colors. You know, our favorite colors for our favorite baby."

He smiles then looks back to the yarn. "Uh. These yellows, I guess." He points to a few.

"Those will go good with these." She gathers up four skeins of soft yarn, two yellows and two purples. "I want to get started right away."

"Why don't you get started _after_ fuckin' lunch."

"Okay." She turns toward the door to leave to go to Negan's apartment.

He comes up behind her and pulls her hips into his. "And after I get you outta this fuckin' dress."


	28. Chapter 28

— Negan's POV —

"What's that fucker's name again?" I ask Simon as we and a few of my top saviors sit around the table in the meeting room.

"Gregory's the leader. He seems like a slime ball, to be honest," Simon answers.

A few days ago, some Jesus lookin' fuck came up to one of our outposts looking for help. He said his community was under attack from some unknown group. They've been picking off their scouts and scavengers for a few weeks and the poor fucks apparently can't do shit about it. And some of those scavengers that were women are fuckin' missing all together, which is fucked up. Simon led a group to their fuckin' compound, they call it Hilltop, and met with their leader to discuss what the fuck is going on. And they just came back.

"What'd the settlement look like," I ask.

"They got crops. A lot of them, actually. Animals, too. And they do that old timey blacksmithing shit," Simon adds.

"Hmm. That could be fuckin' useful. What's their weapons situation?"

"I didn't see a lot of guns. Their guards had spears and shit like that."

"Spears?" I ask as I chuckle. "So no fighters, then?"

"Didn't seem like it, boss. It seemed real... pastoral."

"Hmm." I sit back in my chair and interlace my fingers in front of my face. "We'll get some guys out to the areas they said their people fuckin' bit the dust, see if we can't get a beat on this other group. _That_ seems like something we're gonna need to do something about. I don't want some group of roving barbarians or some shit on my doorstep."

"What about Hilltop?" Dwight asks. "Are we gonna do the whole 'grand entrance' thing?"

I think about it. "How many people they got there?" I ask Simon.

He answers quickly. "Few dozen."

"And how many fuckin' people we got under us in the communities I own?"

Everyone looks around for a second before Regina pipes up. "Fifty or so."

"Fifty or so people spread across three different groups," I think aloud. "Now _those_ groups brought the mountain of shit we dole out on themselves when they attacked our outposts and our fuckin' convoys. The ones that got introduced to Lucille deserved what they got and the shit they pay us every week is penance for their fuckin' stupidity. But this new fuckin' group _asked_ us for help, so we're gonna give it to them." I chuckle. "And they'll pay us for our generosity."

"Half like usual?" Gavin asks.

"No. Think we'll go less," I answer. I can see that everyone is confused as to what I'm fuckin' thinking, so I need to fuckin' explain. "We got a few hundred people here and a hundred and fifty or so more at the outposts. Now, we got fifty fuckin' pissed off people under us, providing for us, and if they decide to team up, they could do some fuckin' damage. Especially if we hand them a few dozen more pissed off people from this new group to fan the fuckin' flames. People, even the ones that hate our fuckin' guts, are a resource. And a valuable fuckin' one at that. Even if we take all their guns, if they have enough bodies to fuckin' throw at us, it can fuck our shit up."

I lean forward and rest my elbows on the table. "I rule with an iron fist, but I rule fucking fairly. If these Hilltop fucks double-cross us, then that motherfucker Gregory will certainly meet my dirty girl Lucille and we will collect our rightful tribute accordingly. But if they're good little girls and boys, we can have a mutually beneficial fuckin' arrangement. They can be a sort of..." I tried to think of the word I fuckin' wanted, "...colony. And their 'leader' Gregory, turns into a fuckin' governor taking his cues from yours truly. We show these people that our way is the best fuckin' way and we get a few dozen loyal citizens instead of a few dozen angry ass people looking to fight back."

We hammer out the details of what fuckin' teams are going to be sent where and when I would make my introduction to the new soon-to-be colony. We also go over plans to bolster defenses at the outposts. If there's a group knocking people off, I definitely don't want my men caught with their fuckin' dicks out.

"Alright, you fucks are dismissed," I call out, but I give Simon a look telling him I want him to stay. I wait until everyone else is gone and the door is fuckin' closed before I start talking again. "What do you think?"

"I think your plan is a good one."

"You think it makes me look weak? Like I'm going soft on this fuckin' Hilltop group?"

He takes a deep breath and exhales. "No. It's the smart play. And I think people see that. We never really thought we'd find so many settlements with a bunch of people, so this pivot makes sense. If you got a hundred people hating your guts, you got a hundred people just looking for a reason to take you out. If you got a hundred loyal followers, you got a hundred people who will protect you with their life."

"Good." I nod. "Any sign of Brendon?" I've had my men out every fuckin' day looking for that fuck, but he's in the goddamn wind.

"He wasn't there," Simon starts. "And I asked around. No one at Hilltop has seen him."

"Let's finish this discussion upstairs. These fuckin' chairs are uncomfortable as fuck."

— —

Chuck has been playing through one of her favorite games, Fallout 3, all morning. She had gotten a good start on her blanket earlier, but decides to kick back and play some video games instead.

"Should I blow up Megaton this time or not?" she mumbles to herself. Then she hears the door to the office open up. Negan and Simon's voices come from the other room. It seems like they are speaking casually, so she goes out to greet them.

"Oh," Simon says as soon as he sees her. "Hi, Chuck." He looks from her to Negan and then back to her.

"Hey, guys. Am I interrupting official business or something?"

"Nope," Negan answers tersely.

"Well, do you wanna watch me nuke a town?"

Negan laughs. "What the fuck are you talking about, sweetheart?"

Chuck turns and goes back into the bedroom with the men following her. She points at the screen and sits down. "Fallout 3."

"Shit! You play video games up here?" Simon says with a laugh.

"Occasionally," she answers.

"Why are you blowing shit up?" Negan asks as Chuck unpauses the game and directs her character up Tenpenny Tower to push the button and explode the bomb in the town called Megaton.

"This dude asked me to," she explains. "It kinda makes the rest of the playthrough sucky, but I've played this game a million times so, why not?" She pushes the button and a large mushroom cloud appears on the tv screen.

"Holy shit!" Simon laughs. "That's insane."

"Yeah. Now I'm a bad guy and everyone hates me."

"Why'd you blow it up then?" Negan asks playfully.

Chuck shrugs. "Meh." She giggles, but is suddenly overcome with a wave of nausea. Covering her mouth, she runs to the bathroom and vomits into the toilet. She hears both men enter the room and stand behind her.

"Should we get Carson?" Simon asks anxiously.

"No. She's okay." Negan hands her the mouthwash to rinse her mouth once she is done retching.

Simon still looks worried. "Are you sure?" he asks as they all leave the bathroom and stand in the bedroom.

Chuck smiles softly at Simon. "I'm fine."

"People don't normally just puke. Are you sick? Did you eat something bad?"

"She's fuckin' fine, Simon!" Negan snaps.

"Negan!" Chuck chides.

"Jesus Christ, man! Why aren't you worried about this? If she's fuckin' sick, we need-" Simon stops suddenly and looks at Chuck. His chest starts to rise and fall quickly under his heavy breaths. "No..."

Negan stares intensely at Simon before he turns to her. "Chuck, go to your room," Negan says quickly.

"What?" she asks in confusion.

Simon rakes his fingers through his hair as he shakes his head. "No. No fucking way."

"Chuck, get the fuck out of here now!" Negan says more urgently when she makes no move to leave.

"What's wrong?" She looks between the men. "Simon, what's wrong?"

Negan finally grabs Chuck's arm and forces her into the office, headed for the door.

"Stop! What are you doing, Negan?!" she yells.

Before they get to the door, Simon pulls Negan back, causing him to wrench Chuck backward with him, but she didn't fall.

"You got her fucking pregnant?!" Simon screams as he spins Negan around to face him. "You didn't! You didn't get her pregnant!"

Negan pushes Simon away from him and yells back, "Calm the fuck down!" He moves to make sure that he is between Chuck and Simon.

"What's happening?" Chuck cries out.

Simon runs his hands down his face then points aggressively at Negan. "You piece of fucking shit! You didn't think to tell me you got her fucking _pregnant_ when you told me all that shit yesterday?!"

"Why is everyone angry?!" Chuck yells with tears streaming down her cheeks, but the men don't notice.

"You need to calm the fuck down right now, Simon," Negan growls.

Simon looks to the ceiling and laughs almost maniacally. "I can't fucking believe you'd do this to her."

"I didn't _do_ anything, you fucking cocksucker!" Negan steps forward toward Simon, but Chuck pulls his arm back, stopping him.

"What's going on here?!" Chuck yells, finally getting his attention.

Negan turns to her and answers. "What's going on here is that he," he points behind him to Simon, "is in fucking love with you and I knew he would lose his shit about this." Negan gestures between himself and Chuck.

"What?" Chuck responds with her voice full of emotion. She didn't known that Simon had feelings for her.

Simon stomps towards them, but Negan makes sure to keep himself between Simon and Chuck. "Is that what's going on here?" Simon looks directly at Chuck as he speaks. "I knew he wouldn't stay away from you. Even before he fucking told me that he knew you before. Because the very first fucking second I saw you, it was like looking into a damn time machine. You look _just_ like her. Like _Lucille_. Fucking _exactly_ like her."

"You're fucking insane!" Negan dismisses with a laugh. "Get your fuckin' eyes checked!"

"I don't look like her. I know what she looked like," Chuck says at the same time.

"You look just like Lucille when we," he points between himself and Negan, "first met her. In high school. Before her ballet troupe convinced her to lose so much weight and cover up all her freckles with makeup. Before she started dying her hair darker to cover the white hair that grew back after she had chemo the first time," he trailed off.

Chuck looks from him and back to Negan, who had done the exact same thing, looking from Simon to her.

"That's not fucking true," Negan says almost unsure of himself.

Simon gets in Negan's face. "You know it fucking is. Don't fucking lie. I'm sure that's why you got her fucking pregnant, too. You couldn't have kids with Lucille so you got the next best thing!"

Negan suddenly lunges at Simon and punches him in the jaw, sending him to the ground. He gets on top of him to hit him again, but Simon punches him in the mouth and rolls on top of him.

"Stop!" Chuck screams at the top of her lungs. She really can't do much but scream at them and hope that they stop. They are rolling around so wildly on the floor, throwing punches and kicks at each other, that Chuck knows she would get hurt if she tried to separate them.

Chuck feels a tug at her arm and turns to see Jose pulling her back and throwing himself into the fray. The sound of the fight, and probably her screams, must've alerted him to what is going on. He pulls Simon off of Negan and holds him securely as Negan gets up, albeit a bit slowly. Simon fights back for a moment, but settles, still breathing heavily.

"What do you want me to do with him, sir?" Jose asks, seemingly not sure of how to handle this situation with the two most powerful men and The Sanctuary.

Negan wipes at the blood on his lip and answers him. "Put him in his room and keep him there. Get Dwight to guard him."

Jose turns to leave with Simon still secured in his arms.

"You can fuckin' let go of me. I'm not gonna do anything," Simon says, sounding defeated as he wipes the blood from his nose.

Jose lets him go and they leave the office, leaving just Chuck and Negan in the room.

"Are you okay?" Negan asks from the other side of the room as Chuck wipes her tear stained cheeks.

"Mmhmm." She walks over to Negan and looks him over. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, baby girl. I'm fine."

"You split your lip. It needs cleaned." Chuck takes his hand and leads him into the bathroom, grabbing some rubbing alcohol and gauze pads from the medicine cabinet and putting them on the counter. She focuses on her motion, not knowing what to say or what to think about the events that just happened.

Negan leans against the counter and watches as Chuck douses the gauze in alcohol. "Will you say something?" he asks softly.

"Don't talk," she instructs and begins to clean the split in his lip. It doesn't warrant stitches, but she still wants it cleaned.

The whole time she tends to Negan's wound, Simon's words are going around in her head.

 _Why would he say that? I saw Lucille and I don't look like her. I can't imagine that she would have looked like me when she was younger. I guess there's no way to know for sure._

 _Negan doesn't care about me because of how I look. He's my friend because... well, because he likes me. Right? He likes the person I am._

 _But why would Simon say that?_

 _And Negan said he was wrong... But he didn't seem so sure._

 _If only I could see what she looked like..._

Chuck suddenly drops the gauze pad in the sink and runs back into the bedroom and to the closet.

"What are you doing, Chuck?" Negan calls out as he follows behind her.

She produces a box from the closet and overturns it on the bed, spilling the contents out.

"What the fuck are you doing, Chuck?"

No matter how bored... No matter how curious Chuck got, she never snooped in this box. She would never invade Negan's privacy like that. She would've never looked through these, Negan's personal mementos. The things that he kept, but never looked at. The parts of his former life that cause him pain. But she needs to see.

Chuck rummages around on the pile of old papers and photos, searching for one thing in particular. She isn't sure if it is here, but she has a feeling it is. She sifts through a pile of loose photos and that's when she sees it.

A beat up photo with folded edges showcasing two young men and a young women in their late teens.

One man with wild, frizzy brown hair and a scruffy, sparse mustache.

One man with a sleek jet black bowl cut and an oversized leather jacket.

And one woman. Big blue eyes wide and bright.

Light auburn wavy hair cut past her shoulders.

Just like hers.

Round cheeks dotted with freckles.

Just like her.

Fair skin.

Plump lips.

Slightly upturned nose.

All like her. Simon was right. Lucille looks like Chuck. Or rather, Chuck looks like her.

Chuck slowly looks up to Negan, opening and closing her mouth trying to get any words out, but failing.

Negan walks over to her and takes the photo from her hands, studying it closely. He looks from it, then to Chuck, then back to the photo.

"Oh, fuck," he mutters quietly. He looks just as shocked as she does. "I didn't know. I didn't know, baby girl. I didn't see it. She changed so much from then and I didn't fuckin' remember."

Chuck backs away from him slowly and casts her head down. "You never cared about me," she chokes out as tears begin to flow down her cheeks.

He quickly throws the photo down and goes to her, grabbing her face, forcing her to look at him. "Yes, I do."

She pushes him away and wraps her arms around herself. "You just love her so much and I look like her. That's it. You don't want _me_." She can barely get the words out through her hiccups and choked breaths. "We were never friends. I'm so stupid. Why would I ever think that anyone would care about me."

He goes to her again, forcing her face close to his. "You're nothing like Lucille, Chuck. Even if you look like her, you're a completely different fucking person. And I love everything about you. All that shit that makes you _you_. I love all of it."

She takes his hands from her face and pushes them back to him. "No you don't."

"Don't fucking do this to me, Chuck. Please believe me." He scrambles to keep her near him as she fights to push him away. "You and the baby are the only things that matter to me and I don't care what you fuckin' look like. Cut your hair. Dye it. Gain fuckin' weight. I don't care. Just don't leave me. Please. Please don't leave me."

Her voice is quiet and meek. "Because you just want the baby?"

"Because I want _you_." He wipes her cheeks and waits for her to say something.

"Don't lie to me."

She wants more than anything to believe him. Because Negan is the only family she has left. And if he doesn't want her, she'll be all alone. She wants to believe him, but her insecurities are telling her not to.

"I would never lie to you, baby girl." He kisses her forehead and looks back to her. "I really didn't see it. Then or fuckin' now. You saw how much she changed. When I look at you, all I see is _you_."

She nods sadly. "Would I even be here if I looked different?"

"Yes you would. I might have been drawn to you for the way you look because, _apparently_ , I have a fuckin' type, but that's not all you are to me. I promise."

She wraps her arms around him and buries her head in his chest.

He rubs her back to console her. "It's okay, baby girl."

"You're the only thing I have left."

"And you're _everything_ I have."

They are quiet for a few minutes until Chuck breaks the silence. "Please don't hurt Simon," she says quietly.

Negan lets out a heavy breath. "I won't. I fuckin' hit him first anyway."

"Don't make him leave."

"I don't want him to. I want him here with me. Running shit." He lets out a sigh. "I think he can get fuckin' past this. I hope he can."

Chuck pulls away and plops herself down on the couch. Negan sits down beside her and she lays down with her head in his lap.

"You tired?" he asks as he strokes her hair.

"Yeah."

They stay there quiet like that for several minutes until Negan speaks. "She knew you looked like her." He chuckles almost sadly. "I see that now. How she fuckin' teased me. The shit she always said about you. She saw it. But she never fuckin' told me. Not once."

"Do you think she would've liked me?" Chuck asks softly as she turns her head to see Negan. "I mean _really_ liked me, not just being polite like she was. You know, if she got to know me as well as you did."

"Yeah. I know she would've."

Chuck turns back and lays her head in Negan's lap again. "I'm sorry you couldn't have kids with her."

Negan is quiet for a moment before he clears his throat. "Me too," he almost whispers. He moves his hand from her hair and drapes it over her stomach. "Don't think this is just a replacement."

She sniffles. "I don't think that."

Finally, the exhaustion of the day gets to Chuck and she closes her heavy eyelids. Right before she slips off to sleep, she peeks her eyes open one last time and she swears she sees a tear fall from Negan's cheek.


	29. Chapter 29

— Lucille's POV —

— Eleven years ago —

I walk through the door, setting my keys on the end table and, boy, am I glad to be home. I had four homes to show today, plus I had to finish up paperwork on the house I sold that I didn't get to yesterday. So my day was hectic.

Negan strolls toward me from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel and flipping it over his shoulder to rest it there. I walk up to him and kiss his cheek.

"How was your first day back?" I ask.

"I already can't wait for the fuckin' next summer break."

I laugh at him. He jokes, but I know he loves his job. He always gets restless halfway through summer vacation and can't wait to get back to it.

"After only one day?" I snicker.

He walks back into the kitchen and I follow him. It looks like he was making a lasagna for dinner when I interrupted him. He goes back to making it as I lean on the counter beside him.

"The kids seem like little assholes this year," he says as he adds some of his sauce to the dish.

I bend down to take off my heels. "So no new favorites have jumped out at you yet?"

"Fuck no. But I did run into this freshman girl who is by far the shyest person I've ever fuckin' met. She's cute as fuck, but she looked fuckin' terrified walking around the halls. I tried to help her out, see if she was fuckin' lost or some shit and she got the worst fuckin' hiccups I've ever heard a person get. Then she got all flustered, turned beet red, and fuckin' ran away from me. Like _actually_ ran away."

"Oh no! The poor thing!" That just breaks my heart.

"Yeah. I felt kinda bad about it, actually."

"Girls can be so vulnerable at that age. You need to be extra nice to her."

"See. That's why I fuckin' hate teenage girls. No matter what, I end up saying the wrong fuckin' thing. Girls are fuckin' complicated and shit. Teenage boys are fuckin' easy. I wish I had gotten that job at that boys school I applied for." He places the lasagna in the oven and cleans up the mess he made.

"A strong male figure like you can make a difference for a girl like her, though. You need to take her under your wing and make sure high school isn't a bad experience for her. Remember that one girl in our school that was so shy and bullied and she tried to kill herself. What was her name...?"

"Joan ...something," he answers.

"Joan Miller. That's it. You don't want that poor girl to end up like that."

"Jesus Christ, Lucille! Of course I don't want her to fuckin' slit her wrists!"

"Please don't let her get bullied."

"I'm not gonna let her get bullied. Shit. I don't let _any_ of the kids get bullied. That shit does not fly with me. But I'm more worried about the boys with her because that girl is definitely an early bloomer. She's got bigass titties for a fuckin' fourteen year old."

"Negan!" I swat his arm.

"What? I'm not fuckin' looking at them, but I'm not blind. I'm pretty sure I watched some of those boys go through spontaneous puberty when they saw her."

I clutch my chest as I say, "Poor thing."

I feel for the girl. My own high school experience was really good. I was popular and had many friends, but I saw how some of my classmates struggled and it broke my heart. Kids can be so cruel sometimes. But I love that Negan cares about his kids. He makes sure that everyone flourishes and becomes the best adults they can. I know that if he sees a kid that needs help, he'll do everything he can to help them. He's really amazing to the kids he teaches.

I really wish I could've made him a father...

A few months have passed and Negan's stories of "the hiccup girl" have become more and more infrequent. The poor girl pops into my mind one night as Negan and I are getting into bed.

"What happened to that girl that gets the hiccups? You never talk about her anymore." I lean over and turn my bedside light off.

"I stopped talking to her." He clicks his light off and sinks underneath the comforter.

"Oh, honey. That might hurt her feelings. You just ignoring her."

"I'm not fuckin' ignoring her. I tried for a long time to get her to fuckin' open up to me, but literally every time I talked to her she would get the fuckin' hiccups. And I know you think it's fuckin' cute that she hiccups, but you should see her face. She gets so goddamn embarrassed and upset about it. I swear I saw her eyes fill with fuckin' tears a few times."

"That poor girl." I lay my hand on my chest. "Oh, it just breaks my heart. Does she have any friends?"

"Not That I've seen. She a good student. Smart as fuck, but she so fuckin' self conscious and shy. And she's, like, fuckin' invisible to everyone. Or most people, anyway. I went to one of the guidance counselors and told them she needed help."

"Well, I hope they do their job."

"Yeah. Me, too. But they'll probably just give her a fuckin' pamphlet and send her on her way."

— Ten years ago —

" _Hey, baby?_ " Negan calls me into the living room from where I am in the kitchen.

"Yeah?" I call out as I walk over to him sitting on the couch.

"You wanna go to the school's band concert tonight?"

"Of course I do!" I say excitedly. I love going to school events, but Negan usually hates it. Except for sporting events, of course.

"Yeah." He snickers. "I figured you'd wanna fuckin' go."

An hour later and we are entering the auditorium.

"Let's sit up front." I try to lead Negan down the isle, but he plants his feet to the ground.

"No. Let's sit right fuckin' here."

Those seats are more in the back which mean I can't see very much. I suppose that doesn't really matter since we're just listening to music anyway. The rest of the seats fill up nicely and I'm glad that people decided to come out to support the music department.

The kids do really well with the songs and I enjoy the concert very much. There is even one redheaded girl that plays the guitar very well. She even has a solo on the electric guitar which everyone seems to enjoy.

After the curtain closes and the applause dies down, I turn to Negan and say, "That was remarkable. Those kids are very talented."

"Yeah. They didn't do too fuckin' bad."

"I want to congratulate them."

"Ugh," he groans. "I wanna fuckin' leave."

"Oh, stop. It'll be five minutes."

We both walk toward the stage and see several of the kids standing around in front of it. I notice that the redhead isn't there and it disappoints me. I really want to tell her that she is a very talented young woman.

"You all did very well tonight," I say to the teenagers.

"Thank you, Mrs. Negan," some of them respond.

"Good job," Negan adds in his nonchalant way.

"Thanks, Coach," a few of the kids say excitedly. It's clear that the children respect him and value his opinion of them.

We take our leave after that, since Negan doesn't want to stick around much longer.

A few days later, I attend one of Negan's baseball games. I love to see him coach the kids. He always pushes them to do their best without being so overbearing and crushing their spirit like some coaches do.

"Good luck, honey," I call out through the fence behind his dugout.

He walks over to me and gives me a peck on the lips through the fence. "We don't need fuckin' luck cuz we got fuckin' skills."

"Of course, honey." I chuckle. "I'm going to get some popcorn before the game starts."

I give him another kiss and walk off closer to the entrance. I had seen some kids setting up the popcorn machine as I came in and now two kids, one boy and one girl, are sitting behind it handing out boxes of popcorn and taking the money. As I get closer, I read the sign on the table saying that the money benefits the band. And then I notice that the girl taking the money is the redhead that played the guitar.

I am just about ready to congratulate her on the concert when I look closely at her face and I just about gasp in shock. She looks like me when I was her age. _Just_ like me. She looks so much like me, it is like looking in a mirror from twenty years ago. The only real difference is her jade green eyes instead of my blue ones. And that she is more buxom than I was at that age. But still... It's uncanny.

"Did you want something, ma'am?" The boy's voice jars me from my thoughts.

"Oh, yes. I'll take some popcorn."

He hands me the box and I give the girl the dollar it cost. I can't bring myself to say anything more to her, so I thank the both of them and go back to the bleachers, still out of sorts from the experience.

After the game, I meet back up with Negan and we walk back to our car. He opens the door for me and I get in, with him getting into the driver's seat a moment later.

"Who was the girl selling popcorn?" I ask him as he starts the car. Negan may not know her, but if he does, I wonder why he didn't tell me that there is a girl who could pass for my daughter walking around.

"I don't fuckin' know. I didn't pay attention."

"She was the one that played the guitar at the concert the other night. The redhead."

"Oh. That's Chuck." He glances over to me then back to the road. "That's the hiccup girl."

" _That's_ the hiccup girl? And you didn't mention that she looks _just_ like someone else?" I say a little sarcastically.

"I don't really think about what those kids fuckin' look like."

"So you don't think she looks familiar?" He has to see it. He knew me when I was her age, so he has to remember what I used to look like.

"Not really. Who do you think she fuckin' looks like?"

I stare at him as he speaks and I can tell that he isn't lying. He really doesn't think she resembles me. The clueless look on his face makes me laugh.

"Maybe I'm thinking of an actress or something," I lie.

He shrugs and makes a little grunt.

"She's really cute, though," I push, trying to see if he'll get the joke I'm trying to pull on him. "With that gorgeous hair and big eyes."

"I guess. She's more cute like a fuckin' bunny rabbit."

"You don't think she's beautiful?"

He looks at me with his eyebrows furrowed and I think that he's figured it out. "She's fuckin' _fifteen_. I'm not gonna say she's fuckin' beautiful like a goddamn pedophile."

I laugh at him because I know he would never look at one of his students inappropriately. "Negan!"

He really _is_ blind to it. That Chuck looks like me. It's almost cute in a way. I wonder how long I can tease him before he realizes it.

— Nine years ago —

How did I let my garden get so many weeds? It seems like it's taking my entire Sunday off to clear them! But I don't mind; I love getting my hands dirty in the garden. And it is a gorgeous day out today. From where I am, I can see Negan toiling away in the garage at his motorcycle, too. And the view is pretty good, if I do say so myself. He always wears these tank top undershirts when he works in the garage and they fit him just right.

I decide to take a little break, so I go in and make up some lemonade, bringing a glass out to my husband after I have my own drink.

"Want some lemonade, honey?" I ask him as he is bent down working on the engine, I think.

"Fuck yes!" he exclaims as he straightens himself up. "That sounds goddamn great!"

I hand him the glass and he drinks about half of it in one drink. "Is it going well out here with your bike."

"Not bad. How's the garden?"

"I swear all those weeds popped up in one day!"

He takes another gulp before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I got a meeting tonight, so I was thinking, I'll pick up some fried chicken or something after and bring it back for dinner."

"A meeting?" I question. All of his athletic department meetings are on Thursdays. And most of the school meetings are right after dismissal. So what kind of meeting could he have?

I assume that he wants to meet with one of his mistresses. But he usually doesn't lie to me outright because I always call him out on it. He just tries to be discreet and doesn't tell me what he's doing.

I know that I probably should just leave him for his infidelities, and I almost did after I caught him the first time, but I love him. And I know that he truly loves me and not his flings. All the other women he just uses for sex. If he actually developed real feelings for any of them, I would leave him in a heartbeat. Even so, it still hurts to know that I'm not enough to satisfy him in the bedroom.

"Yeah. A meeting," he repeats, annoyance seeping into his tone.

"Come on, Negan. It's Sunday," I say lowly.

He sneers at me and furrows his brow. "I'm not fuckin' lying to you, Lucille. It's a goddamn school board meeting. Those are on fucking Sundays."

"A school board meeting? You never go to those."

"Well I'm going to this one. You can come along if you don't fuckin' believe me." He sets his glass on the counter and goes back to working on his bike.

Later on that night, we drive out to the auditorium, take our seats, and listen as the speakers start. The meeting's topic tonight is the budget and how they can cut costs. Maybe the athletic budget is going to get cut and that's why Negan wants to be here.

"Alright. We're going to open the floor up to questions or concerns," the speaker says as she points to the microphones placed on the edges of the auditorium.

Negan gets up and starts to make his way toward the far aisle and it surprises me. He never told me that his program is under threat of budget cuts. And that is the only reason I can see that he would be talking at a school board meeting.

It isn't Negan's turn yet, so he waits patiently for the first woman to say her piece. When she's done, the speaker, Sally, turns to Negan and addresses him.

"Coach Negan, the athletic department budget for next year is secured. You don't have to worry about it being cut."

"I fuckin' know that," he replies as he leans into the microphone that is positioned too low for his tall frame.

"Coach, I'm going to have to ask you to refrain from swearing," Sally requests with a smug tone. She hates my husband and the way he talks. Even trying to get him in trouble several times before, but he is such a good teacher and coach, that nothing ever stuck. And most of the parents stood up for him because they see very positive changes in their children because of my husband, despite his colorful language.

"Fine," Negan says to her. "I'm here to tell you not to cut the music program."

 _That's_ why he wanted to come here? To try to save the band? Why?

Oh. It's for her. The girl. The shy girl that looks like me. Chuck. He wants to save the music program for _her_. That's so noble and sweet. He's looking out for the girl that won't speak out for herself. He's being her voice when she doesn't have one of her own.

This is the man I love. The man I married. The one that cares about people so much, even if he says he doesn't.

"The music program?" Sally questions with furrowed brows.

"Yes, the fucking music program."

Sally lets out a gasp at his curse, but Negan just keeps going.

"All those kids in the band are good fuckin' kids. And for a lot of them, the band is their only extracurricular. If you take that away from them, not only are you taking away something that they fuckin' love, but you're taking away their chances of getting into college, because colleges _love_ fuckin' extracurriculars. And for most of those kids, this school offers nothing else that they could do, because year after year, shit like the art club, science club, a/v club, fuckin' French club is getting cut. We, _all_ of us here, have a duty, not only to teach these kids fuckin' math and shit, but to make sure that when we release them out into the world, they will make this world a better fuckin' place. The way we do that is by nurturing their creative sides, as well as their fuckin' intellects. And cutting all the shit that makes these kids happy, even if it is just the nerdy fuckin' kids, will be detrimental to them and, thus, all the rest of us. Because if _any_ of these kids fail, then we all fuckin' fail."

As Negan walks away from the microphone to take his seat, several people in the crowd stand up and start to clap. It brings a tear to my eye to see him fighting so hard for the kids that might've gone unnoticed otherwise.

When we get back to the car, I can't take my eyes off my husband. I truly am in awe of him sometimes, and this is one of those moments.

He looks over to me and chuckles. "Oh, shit. I know that fuckin' look. Am I gonna get some road head right now?"

I slap him on the arm and yell at him. "Negan! We are too old to do stuff like that anymore!"

He shrugs at me and I chuckle. "So why are you giving me that fuckin' look?"

"Because I love you so much. What you did tonight was so honorable and it just made my heart swell with pride that you're my husband."

"Well, shit, sweetheart." He seems almost embarrassed at my praise.

"I know that you did this for Chuck and I just love that you're looking out for her."

He starts the car and pulls out of the parking lot. "You should see her sometimes. She walks around the halls and never raises her fuckin' head. She looks like a little lost fuckin' puppy dog all the time! Except when she's playing music. Then she comes fuckin' alive. I can't let them take that shit away from her. I can't."

Like any relationship, ours ebbed and flowed. We are good for a while, then we'll fight for a while. We happen to be going through a fighting period at this moment. Pretty much every conversation ends in an argument.

I'm sitting on the couch reading when Negan stomps in.

"What the fuck is this?!"

I look up and see that he is holding the negative pregnancy test I had taken yesterday and buried in the bathroom garbage so he wouldn't find it. But of course he did. "What does it look like?" I snipe back. He probably doesn't deserve that, but it came out without me thinking about it.

"You thought you were fucking pregnant and you didn't fucking tell me?" His tone is angry but also has hints of being hurt.

I let out a sigh and close my book, setting it on the coffee table. "I didn't _really_ think I was pregnant. You know what the doctor said. That I can't... But I was late and I just... I thought maybe there would be a miracle, but there wasn't. I didn't want to get your hopes up, so I didn't tell you."

"Goddamnit, Lucille. We do this shit together. This isn't just on you, okay? This is both of our fuckin' lives."

"I don't know why you even care so much. _You_ can always get one of your mistresses pregnant." I know the second it leaves my mouth that it is such a low blow. And I see the hurt flash over his face.

He doesn't say a word to me and practically runs out the door, slamming it shut so hard that one of our wedding pictures falls off the wall and shatters.

— Eight years ago —

I'm digging around in the garden when Negan comes home from school. He gives me a big smile and walks over to me as I stand up.

"Hello, beautiful," he growls as he hugs me and picks me up off the ground, making me squeal.

"You're in a good mood," I say and he sets me back on my feet.

"Why the fuck wouldn't I be?"

I follow him inside and into the kitchen. He goes straight to the refrigerator and grabs a beer as I go to the sink to wash the dirt from my hands. "I just like when you're in a good mood." I turn around and watch as he takes a gulp from his beer.

"I played chess today."

"Oh!" I say excitedly. I know he loves chess, but never gets the chance to play it. I never could learn how to play. Simon couldn't either. "Who did you play with?"

"Chuck. And she's a fucking amazing player."

"Oh, really?" Negan told me the other day that Chuck had hurt her ankle and needs one on one classes to make up her gym credits. I love that he's willing to work with her so she doesn't have to worry about not graduating. "Did she win?"

"No. I did. But she definitely gave me a run for my fuckin' money." He finishes the beer and throws the bottle out.

I snicker at him. It isn't often that people can beat Negan at anything, so I love that she possibly could. "So she's as good as you are?"

"Maybe." He leans back on the counter. "But she told me she wasn't any good when I asked her if she could fuckin' play. I don't fuckin' understand why she would downplay her abilities."

"Well," I walk over to him to lean on the counter beside him, "she just needs people to show her that she has no reason to doubt herself. Being a teenage girl can be hard. People pulling you in all different directions, telling you that you're a woman, but also a child. It can be rough."

"You weren't like her at that age."

Oh, so he _does_ remember me at that age! But he still has yet to mention that Chuck and I look similar. For some reason, he can't see it.

"To some degree, I was. I second guessed myself, at times. You know, I think me and Chuck are pretty similar, if you think about how I was back then." Alright, now I'm almost overtly telling him. Almost every time Negan mentions Chuck, I joke with him about how she looks, but he just never gets it.

He laughs. "You and Chuck are nothing alike. I mean, the only thing even remotely alike between the two of you is that she's fuckin' sweet and innocent like you were." He turns to stand in front of me and leans over me to kiss me softly. "And you still are, even with me being the little fuckin' devil on your shoulder."

A few weeks later, I walk in after coming home from work and ask how Negan's day went.

He looks up from the newspaper he was reading and answers, "It was fine."

I sit down beside him and take my heels off. "How'd the chess game go?"

"She kicked my ass."

I snuggle up beside Negan and he puts his arm around me. "That's my girl."

"I'm gonna get some drinks with Simon while you're doing your fuckin' book club thing tonight, so I might not be here when you get back."

"Alright, honey," I get up to start preparing our dinner.

Later that night after my book club, I walk back into a dark house, just like I expected to. When Negan and Simon get together, they usually close whatever bar they go to. I throw my keys down on their spot and turn the light on. I let out a little scream when I see Negan sitting on the couch in the living room.

"What are you doing sitting in the dark?! You scared the shit out of me!" I call out as I move closer to him. I look down at him and see that his white shirt is splattered with blood and that his hands are all scraped and swollen. "Oh my goodness! What happened?!" I sit down beside him and take his hands in mine. "Are you hurt?" I look all over him for whatever wound caused the blood on his shirt.

"It's not my blood," he answers apathetically.

"Wh-what?" I look from his hands to his eyes. He's staring off into space. "Whose-"

"Drew Hanson, the shop teacher." He finally looks at me with cold eyes. "I almost beat him to death."

"What?! _Why_?! Is he okay?"

"He was breathing when I fuckin' left."

"Oh my goodness. Why?! Why did you hurt him?!"

Negan takes in a deep breath and exhales. "He was talking about the girls... the students. How he _wanted_ them. How he took fucking pictures of them in the halls when they weren't looking. He showed them to me..." He brings his fist down onto the arm of the couch. "He thought that I was fucking Chuck. That I would lay my hands on her. And he wanted me to give him pictures of her. He thought I would take fucking naked pictures and... videos of her."

I can see Negan's rage building as he speaks. "That's... I can't believe-" I really don't know what to say.

"He wanted me to let him fuck her. Set it all up at some motel. He wanted me to get her to fuck him. How the fuck..." He looks into my eyes and I see that they are filling with tears. "I just fuckin' lost it. I dragged him out into the alley and beat the shit out of him. I couldn't let him..." He shakes his head. "No one's gonna hurt that girl."

"He's- I can't believe that's the kind of person he is. We should call the cops and turn him in."

"We can't. I'll get fuckin' arrested for assault. I'll lose my job."

I shake my head and wipe my eyes of my own tears. "He can't get away with that."

"He won't. He's not coming back to work. I told him if I see him again around any of those girls, I'll kill him."

It is a gorgeous early summer day and I am changing over my closet from my spring wardrobe to my summer one while Negan is working on his newest project for his summer break. He is rebuilding this old car he bought right after school was dismissed for the year. His dream car, a black 1967 Chevy Impala.

I finish up with my clothes and come back downstairs to grab a drink of water when Negan walks through the door, Chuck following behind him with a homemade pie in her hands. She is dressed in a T-shirt with some sort of cartoon character and a pair of long jean shorts. Even though she is now officially an adult that has just graduated high school, her outfit makes her look slightly younger than she is. I had the opposite problem at that age. My mother always nudged me to "dress classy" after I turned sixteen. No more jeans or sneakers for me. And because of that, people always thought I was in my early twenties even though I was still in high school.

"Oooh! What's this?" I ask excitedly as I look down at the dessert in her hands.

"Strawberry rhubarb pie. My mom made it and wanted me to drop it off for you guys," Chuck answers.

Negan takes the pie from her hands and sets it on the counter, going to the refrigerator to grab a beer for himself. "You want one?" he asks the teenager, obviously joking.

"Yeah, of course," she jokes back easily.

He chuckles at her response. "Fuck off."

"How is your physical therapy going?" I ask Chuck. Her mother had told me that she has to attend therapy to get strength up in her leg after getting her cast off a few weeks ago.

"Actually, I only have a few more sessions at the office, but I still have to do exercises at home," she answers.

"That's good. I'm glad to see you on both your feet." I fluff up some of her wild hair. My hair used to be thick like hers and I remember the ways I used to style it. I actually found myself missing it. My hair didn't grow back as thick as it once was after my cancer treatments. "Your hair is so beautiful."

She giggles and her face turns red. "Uh, thank you. I wish my hair was silky and straight like yours."

My hair used to be naturally wavy like Chuck's. But over the years, it lost some of that texture, so I flat iron it straight. "Oh, no," I tell her. "Don't you ever change your hair. you'll miss it when it's gone."

I continue to play with her hair and thoughts of how her mother must've struggled with the thick locks when the girl was a child dance through my head. I think of how, if she were my daughter, I would've put her in pigtails. Or French braids. How I'd dress her in cute dresses and patent leather shoes. Or little overalls and sneakers-

"Lucille." My husband's voice brings me out of my daydream. "You're fuckin' embarrassing the shit outta her."

I drop my hands from her head. "I'm sorry, honey. I'm just thinking about how proud your mother must be to have such a beautiful daughter."

She gives me a soft smile. I think she picked up on my sadness. I assume that Negan never discussed with her the fact that I can't have children. Because that would be a strange topic of discussion for a teenager. But the girl is smart and intuitive, so I'm sure she would put it together.

"Thank you," she says and I give her a hug. "I should get going."

Negan and I walk her to the door and watch as she walks down our sidewalk. She turns back to wave, but trips on her own feet and goes down hard on her knee. Negan pushes past me and quickly runs to her, with me following.

Negan turns her over and looks her up and down. "You alright, baby girl?" He places his hand gently on the back of her knee, which has started to bleed from the large scrape on it, and lifts her leg.

I point to the injury and say, "We should clean that out."

Negan nods. "Put your arms around my neck," he tells Chuck.

She looks at him confused. "What?"

"I'm gonna carry you."

"No. I can walk." Chuck tries to get up but as soon as she lets out a hiss of pain, Negan scoops her up in a bridal hold. "Coach!" she squeaks as she holds onto him tightly.

"It's okay, honey," I start. "We'll get you all fixed up." I open the door for Negan and run to the bathroom to get the first aid kit. When I come back into the living room, Chuck is sitting on the couch with Negan kneeling in front of her.

"You trying to break your fuckin' ankle again?" He holds her left foot in his hands as he flexed her ankle.

"My ankles are fine, Coach. It's just my right knee."

Negan gently flexes her leg. "How much does it hurt?"

"Not a lot. It's just the scrape."

"Here." I set the first aid kit on the couch beside Chuck and open it up, kneeling down in front of her beside my husband.

Negan looks up to me and says, "Thanks, babe."

I start to dab an alcohol pad on Chuck's knee and she lets out a little growl.

Negan looks up to Chuck's wincing face and grabs ahold of her hand. "Just squeeze my hand when it hurts, baby girl."

I finish cleaning Chuck's scraped knee and cover it with a bandage. "All done!" I pat her uninjured knee and stand up. "I'll get you some Tylenol so your knee doesn't get too stiff."

"Okay. Thank you," Chuck responds politely.

I go to the medicine cabinet and grab the pills, along with a glass of water and make my way back to the living room. Negan is still knelt down in front of her, prodding her knee searching for more injuries.

"I'm fine, Coach!" Chuck hisses with a frustrated tone.

"Your mom's gonna fuckin' kill me if you break your damn leg under my watch."

I hand Chuck the water and pills. "Here you go, sweetheart." I sit down in the armchair beside the couch.

Negan gets up and takes the seat beside her with his arm propped up on the back of the couch behind her and his legs angled toward her. Almost cradling her like he is afraid something will hurt her further.

"Thanks," she says shyly. "I'm sorry I'm such a klutz."

"How the fuck are you gonna go off to fuckin' college if you can't walk down the goddamn sidewalk? I'm gonna be pissed if I hear that you broke your damn neck walking from one class to another."

"I'm fine, Coach. Stop fussing."

"You gotta be careful, you know. Don't let your guard down and shit."

"With sidewalks? I know! Those vicious things jump right out at you," she jokes.

Negan looks at me with a nervous expression, then looks back to her. "I mean with other things. You're going to college soon and you'll meet a fuckton of new people and not all of them will be fuckin' good. You gotta make sure you watch your back or a scraped knee will be the least of your worries."

"It'll be fine, Coach. Don't worry."

He _is_ worried. I can tell from the way he is looking at her. He's worried about her getting hurt and him not being there to help her.

Negan looks to me and holds his hand out to me. "Back me up here. People go fuckin' nuts in college. And guys can be... fuckin' dickbags. Right?"

Both Chuck and Negan look at me, waiting for me to say something. I know what he is getting at and what he wants me to tell her, but I don't want to turn the girl off of trying new things and living her life. "Negan's... sort of right. You need to be vigilant, but don't be scared to experience life. I'm sure you'll have so many great adventures in college. And you're smart. You'll do just fine."

I believe this. I believe that she will go on to do great things. And I have always liked her. She's smart and sweet. And as I watch her joke around with Negan, I can see how funny and charming she is.

And right now, she scares me more than anything else in my whole life.

Because this. Today. This is the longest I have been around Negan and Chuck together. Alone. At least they act like they are alone because I seem to be tossed by the wayside. They laugh and smile at each other, share inside jokes like old friends. Old friends with common interests to chat about. Old friends that complement each other perfectly. One quiet, one loud. One hard, one soft. One innocent, one experienced.

This girl. This girl that he's been drawn to since he first saw her. This girl that makes him smile and laugh like I never could. This girl that he wants to protect so much. The girl that he's looking at right now...

And that way that he's looking at her... It's not like the way he looks at women he wants to have a fling with. No, he doesn't see her that way. Yet.

But that look in his eyes.

It's the same way he looks at me. It's the way he's always looked at me.

And in that look, I see the future. Not mine, but his.

I see his future without me.


	30. Chapter 30

Chuck sits up straight in Negan's bed, breaths heavy and sweat on her brow.

"You alright, baby girl?" Negan asks as he stands up from the couch, throwing his notebook down on the coffee table, and walks over to Chuck's side of the bed. He sits down on the edge and removes his glasses, placing them on the bedside table.

Chuck looks at the clock beside her which says 9:17am and lays back down with a groan. "I had a nightmare."

Negan leans closer to her and caresses her cheek softly. "Same old shit?"

"No. It was a new one. I was in our old school auditorium playing the piano for the audience. Then, I guess, they all turned into the dead ones, or something. But Simon was there." She looks up to Negan and places her hand atop his on her face. "He-He was trying to fight them, but he couldn't... I tried to save him, but they got to him before I did. And then they were all around me." She lets out a shaky breath.

Negan bends down to kiss her forehead. "It's okay. Just forget about it," he whispers.

She sighs. "I just remember yelling 'Stop! I'm pregnant!' like that would stop them." She tries to shake her head of the disturbing details of her dream.

Negan rubs his nose against hers then kisses her softly. "You're safe. Everything is fine."

"I know." She lets out a heavy breath. "It was just a nightmare. I haven't had one in a while so..."

He sits up but continues to caress her cheek and smooth her hair. "You want me to stay a while."

She sits up more fully with the sheet pulled up to cover her naked chest and stretches a little. "Nah. I'm fine." She smiles softly at him. "You need to make your appearances, anyway."

Negan pushes the sheet down and placed his hand on her stomach. "How's my kid treating you?"

She giggles a little. "I don't need to puke, so that's pretty good."

"I think you have a fuckin' belly now."

She looks down and places her hands on his. "You think? I think that's just _my_ belly, not baby belly."

Negan gently nudges her to lay on her back and puts his hand back to her lower abdomen. "This pooch wasn't there before."

"Pooch?" She giggles and rubs her hand over the same area Negan is. "Please don't say that word ever again."

He laughs. "Alright, sweetheart. This fuckin' _bump_ wasn't there before."

Chuck lifts her head to look down at herself. "I don't know. Maybe. It might just be chub," she jokes.

"I know your body and _this_ isn't fuckin' chub. But if you want to see some real _chub_..." He wiggles his eyebrows at her and points to his crotch.

"I knew the second that word left my mouth that you wouldn't pass that up," she responds with a giggle.

"Is that a no? Cuz I can be ready real fuckin' quick if you wanna get our fuck on. Especially when your titties are all hanging out and looking so good."

She throws her head back and laughs. "It's a wonder you ever get any off of women with all your cheesy sex jokes."

He shrugs and bends over her. "I do alright."

She holds up her hands to halt his motion. "Right now I have to pee and get something to eat because I'm starving. Your chub'll have to wait."

He lets out a dramatic, but not serious groan and stands up from the bed. "Fine. I'll make you some breakfast."

After Chuck eats and gets dressed, and Negan leaves for the day, she decides to spend some time with the wives in the lounge. She grabs her knitting and heads down the hall, greeting everyone as she enters.

"Oh, hey, Chuck," Tonya says somewhat awkwardly as the other women look sheepishly at Chuck.

"Is something wrong?" Chuck asks unconfidently as she sets her knitting on the couch.

Kayla clears her throat and stands from the opposite couch to stand closer to Chuck. "We heard the... commotion last night."

"Oh." Chuck sits on the couch beside her knitting, trying to act like what the wives must've heard isn't a big deal. "Yeah... I guess it was pretty loud."

Kayla sits down beside her, with Sherry coming to sit on her other side.

Sherry picks up the blanket and studies it for a second before speaking. "What happened? We could hear that it was Negan and Simon fighting, but we don't know why. You didn't get caught up in it, did you?"

Chuck lets out a heavy breath. "It-" She looks down at her hands in her lap. "I caused it. The fight was over me. Simon figured out about the baby and... he didn't take it well. I guess he has... _feelings_ for me, but..." She looks up at the women tentatively. "I had no idea."

"Oh, wow," Frankie breathes out from where she stands by one of the couches. "Simon's in love with you?"

"Wait." Tonya scrunches her face in confusion. "Simon attacked Negan and he didn't get Lucilled?"

"Actually, Negan attacked Simon first," Chuck corrects.

Tonya raises her eyebrows high. "Holy shit."

"I feel horrible about Simon." Chuck shakes her head. "I didn't mean to- I mean, I don't know why he would, you know, have those kinda feelings for me."

Kayla rubs Chuck's back soothingly. "It's not your fault. You can't help it if he fell in love with you."

"I just don't want to hurt him. He's my friend."

"We saw Jose leave with Simon. Did Negan put him in a cell?" Sherry asks.

Chuck turns her head to answer her. "I think Simon is locked in his own room." She thinks about it for a moment. "I should probably talk to him. I need to talk to him."

The wives protest, but Chuck has made up her mind to go see Simon. She wants him to know that she is sorry and she needs to do it now. She pulls on a plain black dress, but doesn't bother with makeup or hair. Or even heels. She just wears her old converses. Negan hasn't told her that she needs a full face of makeup to go downstairs, so if he brings up her lack of it, she'll just tell him that she doesn't think it's a big deal. She makes her way to the fourth floor pretty quickly.

She doesn't know which room is Simon's, but she knows that Dwight is guarding him, so that's what she looks for. She turns a corner and sees the man sitting on a folding chair about halfway down the hall.

Dwight sees her approach out of the corner of his eye and stands from the chair. "Wives shouldn't be down here."

Chuck swallows roughly. Dwight is a slight man, but his stern expression still makes her a little antsy. "I need to talk to Simon," she says as confidently as she can.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Please. Just for a minute." She gives him a soft smile to try to convey that it is okay to grant her request.

Dwight pinches the bridge of his nose and turns to Simon's door, knocking on it twice before opening it. "You have a visitor," he says into the room and Chuck approaches the door.

"You can't be here, Chuck," Simon responds as he stands in front of his door.

Chuck ignores him and moves further into his room, shutting the door behind her. "I just... I need to talk to you." She looks around his room for a place to sit. Directly in front of her is a kitchenette with a small table and two chairs. To the left is his bedroom area with a double bed and some shelves with all of his belongings on them.

Simon pulls out one of his kitchen chairs and gestures for her to sit. "Alright, kiddo." He waits for her to sit before he takes his own seat.

Chuck takes a deep breath to steel her nerves. "I just want to apologize for everything-"

"You don't have to apologize," he cuts her off quickly, not allowing her to actually finish her thought.

"Please, Simon. I just really need you to know that I didn't know you thought of me like that. And I'm so sorry if anything I did hurt you."

"I'm fine, angel. You don't need to worry about me."

She starts to wring her hands in her lap under the table. "Negan isn't going to punish you or kick you out. So... please don't leave on your own. I mean, I don't know if you're planning that, but... I know you were so angry at us-"

Simon interrupts, "I was never angry at you."

She nods and looks down at her lap. "Well, I want you to stay. And The Sanctuary would suffer if you leave." She lets out a breath. "Negan needs you here with him, too." She looks up to see his reaction.

Simon chuckles humorlessly and rubs his hand over his face. "It's like deja fuckin' vu," he mutters to himself.

"What?"

Simon lets out a sigh and stands to go to one of his shelves, pulling a bottle of liquor and a glass off of it to bring to his counter. " _I_ saw her first, not Negan," he says, facing away from Chuck. "And I thought she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen."

"Lucille?" Chuck asks softly.

Simon turns slightly to her and nods. "We were just teenagers, but I'll never forget how she looked that first day." He pours himself a shot and downs it quickly. "I knew she was too good for a poor fuckup like me. Her family was rich; my mom worked at the gas station to support me and my sister. I knew I'd never have Lucille the way I really wanted, but I still loved being her friend." He takes another shot. "Negan and her didn't get together until they went to the same college. They came home one break hand in hand." He chuckles lowly. "I never thought she'd go for him, but... I guess I was fuckin' wrong."

He finally turns around and leans back on his counter, but keeps his gaze anywhere but on Chuck. "I kept my mouth shut every time he cheated on her. I fuckin' shouldn't have, but... Negan was like my brother. Until I stood back and watched him fuck a stripper the night before he was going to marry Lucille. And I didn't say a fucking thing. But I couldn't do that anymore, so after the ceremony... I had to get away from them. I didn't talk to either of them for two years."

"Oh." Chuck says quietly.

"Not until Lucille showed up on my doorstep. She told me that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer and had to start treatment. That was the _first_ time she got sick." He shakes his head and adds quietly, "I never hugged someone so tight in my whole life." He grabs the bottle from behind him and takes a drink. "She said Negan wasn't taking it well. He was drinking too much... drove drunk once, which scared her." He looks Chuck in the eyes. "She said he _needed_ me. She made me promise to take care of him if something happened to her. And I did. I promised her. And I intend on keeping that promise, no matter how fucking hard Negan makes it."

"I didn't-"

"She apologized, too. She asked Negan why I wasn't talking to them and he told her I loved her. Like the reason I wasn't talking to them was because I was jealous. She thought it was her fault. And she apologized, just like you did. But I never blamed her. Just like I'll never blame you."

Chuck nods, not sure of what to say.

"I never told Negan any of this. Never told him I promised to look after him. And when she... when she was close to passing- It was right after they evacuated the city. I tried so hard to get to the hospital because I knew Negan would be there and he'd need me. That she would want me there for him, but it took me too long to get back. He wasn't there... But she was." Simon looks down and takes a few breaths. " _I_ put her down. _I_ did that for her. _I_ set her in the bed and covered her. I even found some flowers to leave with her." He wipes his eyes before his tears fully form. "When I found Negan, he told me he didn't do it. He told me he _couldn't_ , but I couldn't tell him it was me. I just couldn't admit that to him. That I sat with her for as long as I could. That I never loved her any less after all those years." He shakes his head and scrubs his face. "I told him when I went there, she was already put down."

Chuck stands from her seat and leans beside Simon on the counter. "Oh, Simon. I'm sorry you've carried this on you're own." She lays her hand on his arm and looks up at him.

Simon turns his head to her, then looks away. "Don't tell him," he requests quietly.

"I won't. I promise."

Simon brings his gaze to her and places his hand softly on her cheek. His rough fingers slide gently over her skin, tracing the landmarks of her face. He very tentatively lowers his hand and places it on her stomach. He closes his eyes and stays still for several moments.

Chuck can see the hurt on his face and it upsets her. She knows that this isn't something that Simon will get over very quickly. He's been dealing with all these feelings for years, way before Chuck was in the picture. She just happened to inherit them, in a way.

But she wants him to be okay with it. The baby. She wants him to be excited. To be an uncle to her child. But most of all, she doesn't want him to be hurt.

He clears his throat and backs away from her slightly. "I don't want him to break your heart."

"You don't have to worry about that. I'm just worried that you've been hurt."

He chuckles slightly. "Don't worry about me, kiddo. I've survived loving the same woman as Negan once. I can do it again."

She chuckles back at him. "But Negan doesn't love me, though."

Simon's slight smile drops. He brings both hands up to cradle her face and places his forehead on hers. "He does," he whispers.

Chuck doesn't know what to say to that so she just nods slightly. After standing still for a few moments, she breaks the silence. "I think maybe I should get going."

Simon pulls away from her and opens his door to let her out.

"I'll see you later, Simon," she says with a smile as she passes him.

He smiles back at her. "Sure thing, kiddo."

— Negan's POV —

I walked into my already full meeting room and sit the fuck down at the head of the table. "Where the fuck are we on finding those goddamn barbarians?" I ask as I set Lucille on the table in front of me and lean back in my chair.

"Sir?" Fat Joey, who is sitting about half way down the table pipes up. He is a little slow, but fucking loyal, and I like the kid. I mostly like fuckin' with him, but... whatever. "Shouldn't we wait for Simon and Dwight?"

"They're fuckin' busy elsewhere. _So_ ," I add, annoyed, "anyone wanna answer my fuckin' question?"

TJ clears his throat. "We think we got a trail, but we haven't run across the group yet. We found a day old camp, but we can't be sure if it's the group we're looking for."

"Can you tell how many people were there?" I ask as I lean forward to rest my elbows on the table.

TJ leans forward, too, and scratches at his head. "Hard to tell. More than five. Less than twenty. But that's just a guess, really."

"Hmm." I interlace my fingers and tap my lips with my pointer fingers as I think about what to do. "Keep fuckin' looking. Fan the groups out and see if we can't find their base camp or any of their fuckin' raiding parties. If these fucks think there's easy pickings around Hilltop, they'll stay the fuck in that area."

I get some affirmatives and nods.

"I'm gonna make my fuckin' appearance at Hilltop tomorrow to hammer out the details of our little arraignment, so I'm gonna need my guys with me. Three truck loads, heavily armed should fuckin' do the trick. Send the message not to fuck with us."

More affirmatives.

"Keep me updated on any shit the teams find out there. Now get the fuck out and make me proud."

Everyone gets up and leaves me alone with my fuckin' thoughts. Which go back to the fuckin' shit show that was last night.

Fuck. I need to talk to Simon. Get this shit settled so he can get back to work. Especially if I'm gonna be off site tomorrow.

I trudge my ass up to the fourth floor and turn the corner to get to Simon's fuckin' room. Dwight turns his head to me and kneels, but he's doing the whole shifty eye thing like he is nervous.

"Stand the fuck up, Dwight."

As soon as he stands, Simon's door opens and fuckin' Chuck walks out. She gives me a look like she's expecting me to go off on her, but I just give her a smirk. _That's_ why Dwight looked so fuckin' nervous.

"Chuck?" I draw out with a lilt.

"I had to talk to him," she answers quickly.

Of course she would have to set shit right with him. And I never fuckin' told her she _couldn't_ talk to him. I look past her to see Simon staring intently at me, then look back to her. "Alright, sweetheart. Run along back upstairs." I kiss her on the head and watch as she goes down the hallway. "Get the fuck outta here, Dwight," I demand without even turning to him and go into Simon's room.

"I told her she shouldn't be here," Simon starts as he takes a seat at his table.

I close the door and join him at the table, leaning Lucille against my chair. "What'd she say?"

"She apologized. Told me that she didn't want me to leave."

"Yeah. That sounds like what she'd say."

"I was never mad at _her_."

"I know. This shit is on me."

"Yeah. It is."

"You're not gonna fuckin' leave, are you?"

"I should." He looks away, then brings his eyes back to me. "But I won't."

"Good. Your place is here."

He stare at me for a minute then throws his hands up a little. "That's it? So you're not gonna apologize, then?"

"I'm not gonna fuckin' apologize for being with Chuck."

He gives a humorless chuckle and shakes his head. "You're such a fucking asshole."

"Yeah. I know." I'm not joking or being glib; I know I'm an asshole. Simon knows it, too.

"I would've been fine if you'd just _told_ me about it. Like a fuckin' _friend_ would."

"You wouldn't've been fine and you fuckin' know it. You weren't happy when she became a wife! And that was just her wanting protection, not a fuckin' relationship!" I take a breath to steady myself. "Alright. Yeah, it was shitty to keep it from you, but I thought it was for the fuckin' best for the time being. Besides, she didn't want our little arrangement to be public. _She_ didn't tell you, either."

" _She_ didn't know the way I felt!"

I rake my hand over my face and let out a huff. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for being a selfish dick. I'm sorry for fucking up your life again. I'm sorry I can't... help it. Okay? I didn't want to... feel for Chuck; it just happened... and I couldn't stop myself." I run my hand over my hair and look down. I shake my head, then look back up. "And the baby was _definitely_ not planned."

"How long have you known about the pregnancy?" he asks quickly.

"Three weeks."

He looks away. "Fuck, Negan," he whispers. He looks back at me and asks, "How far along is she?"

"It happened the first time we fucked. But they count back from her last period, or some shit, so she's like ten weeks along."

"Shit," he mutters. "You should've told me."

"Yeah. I should've." I really should've. If I hadn't been a dick and handled this differently, we could've celebrated this shit together.

"She's happy about it?"

"She is now. She wasn't at first."

"Are _you_ happy about it?"

I can't help but smile. "I'm so fuckin' ecstatic about it." I laugh. "I've never been happier about any fuckin' thing in my whole life."

"You mean that?"

"Yeah. I fuckin' mean it."

"Good. You need to be there for her through this."

"Shit, Simon," I say getting annoyed. "Of fuckin' course I'll be there for her. I'm not that much of a monster to let her deal with all this shit by herself."

He nods, but doesn't say anything further.

I let out a huff and sit up in the chair to lean closer to him. "Look. Do you wanna get back to fuckin' work, or what?"

"Yeah," he answers quickly. "The Sanctuary is all that matters."

I scrunch up my face at that. "Don't do that fuckin' shit." Goddamnit! He's making me feel like fuckin' shit!

He looks down and shakes his head a little. "I just mean I'll do my job." He looks back up at me. "I'll still look out for Chuck, too. I always will."

"Good." I breathe in a heavy breath. "I'm headed to Hilltop tomorrow, so I need you here running shit."

"Yeah. Sure, boss."

I nod and leave his room. I fuckin' hope he gets over this shit, so things can get back to normal. I fuckin' hate feeling like shit over how this shit went down with Simon.

Fuck.


	31. Chapter 31

Chuck paces around Negan's office, waiting for him to enter. She's worried about what he will say to her after he has seen her walking out of Simon's room.

 _Negan didn't specifically tell me that I couldn't talk to him. Simon was under house arrest, though, I guess. I probably should have checked with Negan first... But I just really wanted Simon to know I was sorry about hurting him._

 _Ugh._

What Simon had said about Negan is rattling through her mind, too.

 _Is Negan in love with me? Simon thinks he is. And he's known him for... forever, so he would know, right_ _?_ _Could Negan really love me that way?_

 _No. He wouldn't. He cares about me, but actual love? Like_ _ **love**_ _love? I don't think so. I can't allow myself to even consider that because I know I'd fall for him if I do. And it would hurt me too much when he decided he doesn't want me anymore._

 _No. Our relationship has to stay the same. No "I love yous". Just... more of what we've been doing. That's... safer._

She starts to chew on her nails when the door to the office opens and Negan walks in. He shuts the door after himself and turns back around to her.

"I can explain," she blurts out.

"No need," he answers simply. "I know why you were there."

"Are you angry?"

"No, I'm not fuckin' angry." He walks closer to her and cups her cheek with his free hand, his other still grasping Lucille. "I know that it would eat you up if you thought Simon was fuckin' hurt." He gives her a sweet kiss and then heads into his bedroom. He sets Lucille on the coffee table and plops down on the couch.

Chuck follows behind him and sits next to him. "What did Simon say to you?"

Negan lets out a sigh and unzips his jacket. "He called me a fuckin' dick for keeping this from him."

"Oh," she responds sadly. The thought that she had caused a rift between two good friends is upsetting to her.

"We hashed it out. Everything's peachy-fuckin'-keen now. He's back to fuckin' work, so don't worry your pretty little head about it anymore." He bends down and scoops up her legs, pulling them up so that her feet are resting in his lap. "What the fuck are these?" He points to her purple converses.

"They're my Chucks. Chuck's Chucks." She chortles.

He lets out a chuckle as he starts to untie her shoes and pulls them off her feet. "I'm not quite sure they go with this whole fuckin' ensemble." He gestures to her dress.

She giggles then shrugs. "I was in a hurry. I didn't really think that much about it."

Negan begins to rub her feet. "I liked those heels you wore before."

"You'll have to check the closet to see if we have a pair of them in your size," she jokes.

He gives her a disapproving look. "Very fuckin' funny." He turns his head back to her feet as he continues to rub them.

"Mmm," she moans. "That feels really good."

"You ever have your feet fuckin' rubbed before?"

"No."

"That's a fuckin' shame. You got cute ass feet."

Chuck can feel herself becoming wet at the feel of Negan's hands on her. She figures it's her hormones that are making her be "in the mood" so much as of late, but she still isn't confident enough to just come out and ask Negan for sex. Especially if he isn't in the mood, too. If he rejected her advances, her self esteem would take a hit. She wonders if she can prod him into making the first move without being too obvious about it.

She lets out another moan and shifts a little in her seat. She moves the foot currently not in Negan's hands closer to his crotch and lightly grazes him. He doesn't seem to even notice her action, so she does it again.

"Are you doing that on fuckin' purpose?" he asks genuinely.

"What?" she responds innocently. She doesn't want to admit that she is.

He gives her a smirk. "If you want something, little girl, just fuckin' ask and I'll give it to you."

She takes that to mean that he is into it, so she shimmies out of her underwear and moves up to straddle his lap. He immediately brought his hands to her thighs and starts to run them further up under her dress.

"Goddamn, baby. What's gotten into you?"

She shrugs to play it off. "Hormones, I think. But you don't have to... you know. If you don't want to, I mean."

"Fuck yes, I want to! Shit, I _always_ want to. You don't have to worry about me saying fuckin' no to fucking." He reaches his hand behind her and unzips her dress to pull it up and over her head. "Besides," he runs his hands over her bare breasts, "what kind of a man would I be if I didn't take care of my baby girl when she needs me?"

She drags her hands up his chest to push his jacket off his shoulders. He leans forward to assist her and wastes no time in pulling his shirt over his head. Chuck undoes his belts and pants to pull his hardening cock out of his boxers. She starts to stroke him softly, enjoying the feel on him in her hands. The look on his face and the sounds of pleasure leaving his lips have her lust building rapidly.

"Ah fuck, sweetheart," Negan groans.

He starts to push his pants down his thighs, but she slapped his hands away. She is so eager that she doesn't want to waste any more time. Pushing herself closer to him, she lowers herself onto his cock with a low moan.

He bites his lower lip and groans once she is fully seated. " _Fuck_ , you're so wet already."

"And you feel so good, Negan." She starts to ride him fervently without another thought.

He buries one hand in her hair and grasps her waist with the other. "Yes," he hisses. "Fuckin' ride my dick. Just like that."

She rolls her hips faster, chasing her end quickly. Moans and groans leave her lips on their own as her pleasure builds.

"Fuck! Slow down, sweetheart. We don't need to fuckin' rush."

Chuck grabs his face and thrust her lips upon his. The kiss is hard and passionate and Chuck can't get enough. She bites his lip harshly causing him to pull her head back by her hair.

"What the fuck, Chuck?!"

She can't stop herself from continuing to grind on him as she wraps her arms around his shoulders and head. She buries her face in the crook of his neck, letting out loud moans as her legs start to shake.

Negan wraps his arms around her torso and holds her tightly to him. He thrusts up into her as he chases his own end.

"Oh god, Negan!" She grabs ahold of his hair with one hand as the other clawed at his shoulder. "It's so good."

"Fuck! Are you gonna cum for me?" He rolls his hips harder into hers.

"Ah! Yes! Faster, Negan!"

"Fuck!" He rolls them over to lay on the couch with him on top. He sets a brutal pace as he hikes one of her legs up to rest on his shoulder.

"Oh my god! Ah!" she screams as the powerful orgasm rips through her.

Negan thrusts hard a few more times before he lets out the most animalistic growl and explodes inside her. He rolls his hips into hers a few more times before he collapses on top of her, using his elbows to keep most of his weight from crushing her. They stay still for a few moments coming down from their highs.

Negan suddenly shoots his head up to look at Chuck's face. "Shit, baby girl, did I hurt you?" he asks in concern.

"I'm good," Chuck says, still out of breath.

"Fuck. I lost control. Did I hurt you?" he asks again.

"No, Negan. I'm fine. I promise." She lightly grasps his face and smiles. "I'm good. That was amazing."

— Negan's POV —

Fuck, it's early. All I want to do this morning is stay in bed with Chuck. Since she's suddenly so fuckin' horny. But I have to get ready to go see those Hilltop fuckers. Fuckin' cockblocking me already.

"All right, fuckers. Listen up," I call out to my men as we stand by the trucks. "I want this little humanitarian mission to this Hilltop place to go off without a fuckin' hitch. Meaning," I look over my men, "do _not_ be assholes today. As a matter of fact, I want y'all to be fuckin' sweet as pie to these fuckers. Show them that we are the good samaritans they think we are. If I get wind that y'all are being little dickholes, examples will be fuckin' made. Got it?"

They all give their "Yes, sirs".

"Now, of course, if these fuckers present a threat, you take those fuckers out tout fuckin' suite. But otherwise," I turn to smile at them, "kid gloves, people. Now let's get on the fuckin' road."

Before we get all loaded up, Simon comes out and stands by my fuckin' door.

"What's up, Simon?" I ask as I lean my elbow on my open window from where I am sitting in the passenger seat in my truck.

"Got word from one of the teams outside. They say they found a group. Thinks it's our barbarians."

"They engage them?"

"Nope. They're holding back."

I smile. This is good fuckin' news. "Great. Tell them to follow the motherfuckers discreetly. See if they'll lead us to some sorta basecamp or community."

"Copy that, boss." He claps the roof of the truck twice and walks off as we all pull out through the gates.

The ride to Hilltop is boring as fuck, so I'm kinda glad when we get to the gates. There is a tall wooden wall surrounding this fuckin' place. I look on top of the wall to the guards and Simon was right. They are carrying fuckin' spears instead of guns. I lean out of the window to make my introduction.

"I'm Negan. Gregory's expecting me."

The guard yells down to someone on the other side of the wall and a second later, the fuckin' gate opens up. We pull our three trucks through and park.

The place isn't huge. Big house up on the hill. What looks like fema trailers and rvs and shit surround that. There are a few stalls with people working on shit. I can see crops of different plants all along the fuckin' side. And I see that blacksmith's forge or what-the-fuck-ever that Simon had mentioned.

Me and my men get out of the trucks and wait for someone to come greet us. This Jesus looking motherfucker walks up to us and stops. He looks at my men and then looks at me.

"Are you Negan?" he asks.

"Fuck yes, I'm Negan. This is Lucille," I take her off my shoulder and point at her with my other hand, "and these are my saviors." I gesture to my men behind me.

The guy follows my gestures with his eyes and then fuckin' looks at me again. "I'm Jesus."

I let out a booming laugh. "No fuckin' shit?! There's no goddamn way your name is _Jesus_."

He gives me a grimace. "My name is Paul, but everyone calls me Jesus. Because," he gestures to himself.

"Ah. That makes fuckin' sense. Shit, I was about to ask if you grew up in one of those creepy ass fuckin' religious cults."

He doesn't fuckin' react to what I say. "Gregory's in his office. This way." He turns around and heads toward the house.

I snap my fingers and two of my men follow me behind Jesus. My other men start to wander around. Shit, I hope they make nice. I want these people to trust me. To be _loyal_ to me, no fuss. I want them to accept _me_ as their leader. Not this Gregory fuck.

Jesus opens up a door and we all walk into an office. It is ugly as fuck, decorated in that colonial shit like the rest of the house. Nice paintings, though. Some guy in a cheap ass suit sits behind the desk. He's middle aged, grey beard. Looks like a dick. He stands and motions to the seats in front of his desk.

"You must be Negan. Have a seat." He doesn't wait for me to sit down before he takes his own seat. Fuckin' rude.

"And you must be Gregory." I set Lucille up in the chair beside me and turn back to the man.

"Uh," he looks from Lucille and then back to me, "Yes. I appreciate you coming here and helping us out."

"Well, what-the-fuck was I supposed to do? I don't know what your group is all about, but me and my saviors are here to fuckin' rebuild society the _right_ way. And that starts by saving fuckin' people. By making sure the bad motherfuckers that just wanna take and take and take from fine ass people such as yourselves get put fuckin' down."

"Yes. Yes, of course," he starts, all sniveling. Like he's got no fuckin' balls of his own. "And we're so grateful for you and your men to find the group that killed our scavengers."

"And took your fuckin' women?" I add. Why the fuck wouldn't he lead with that? Losing men fuckin' sucks, but there's only one reason why fuckers kidnap women. And that shit's worse than fuckin' murder.

"Oh, yes. Certainly. That, too. Though I warned those ladies that work outside the gates is too dangerous for the fairer sex."

Goddamn, Simon was right. This motherfucker is slimy as fuck.

"Hmm." I bring my arms up to rest my elbows on the arms of the chair. I interlace my fingers in front of my face as I fight the urge to punch this douche in the throat. "So," I straighten my arms out and punctuate the word with a slap on the arms of the chair. "I'm here to discuss this little fuckin' relationship we're cultivating here. Now, sending my men out to find this group is costing me. It's costing me fuel in my goddamn trucks. Fuckin' water to keep my men hydrated out in the hot fuckin' sun. Not to mention the fact that I'm risking my men's fuckin' lives out there."

"I know," he agrees enthusiastically. But not fuckin' genuinely. I've seen fuckin' men his type before. This fuck doesn't care about shit unless it's his own ass.

"I propose we come to a little fuckin' arrangement. First, my saviors will go out and kill the fuckers that killed your men and they will bring back your women. Provided that those fuckers still have them. Then my men will continue to provide protection for your community and in return, every week you will provide us some of those fuckin' goods I saw your people producing. Veggies, that grain you got, maybe even some of that shit I saw your blacksmith fuckin' working on. A real 'tit for tat' situation."

"Uh.. oh! Yes," he stammers. "That- Yes! We can work something out."

Fuuuck! He is one of the most untrustworthy motherfuckers I've ever come across. But he's a fuckin' pussy, so I'm pretty sure he's not gonna come after me. Directly, at least. He might find a way to double cross me somehow. I gotta get his fuckin' people on my side quick. Then I can kick him to the fuckin' curb easy as fuckin' pie. Maybe make that Jesus fucker my go-between instead.

"My men already found a fuckin' group. We think they're part of the group that has your women."

"That's-That's great!"

Ugh. This guy fuckin' suuuuucks.

"Yeah. So... I'm providing my fuckin' end of this bargain. What are you gonna fuckin' provide?"

"Uh... I would have to discuss this with my people. To see what we can spare."

I raise my eyebrows. "Spare? I think you mean _pay_. For our service. That we are providing," I respond not being able to mask my fucking annoyance.

Jesus steps forward from the back of the room with his hands up. "Yes. Of course we will pay." The glare he throws at his own leader doesn't escape me. "A bushel of sorghum. A basket of peaches. Five heads of lettuce. A pound of fresh mozzarella cheese. Some strawberries. I think that's fair. For now. We can renegotiate weekly payments for future services later."

Holy fuck. That's not fuckin' bad. Especially with fuckin' peaches. And _cheese_. I haven't had that shit in forever. My first instinct is to ask for a fuckton more. But I won't.

"Make it two pounds of mozzarella and you got a fuckin' deal."

Gregory glares at Jesus for a second, but then looks at me with a forced fuckin' smile. "Perfect. Sounds perfect."

" _Perfect_ ," I copy. I go to stand up, but I stop myself. I don't trust this fucker Gregory, so I better make it clear that, even though I'm helping him out, I'm not one to be fucked with. "Shit! I am _such_ a rude motherfucker. I didn't introduce you to Lucille, here." I stand up to so I'm taller than that fucker and gesture to Lucille. To make sure Gregory has his eyes on her. "She's my girl. And she's not fuckin' afraid to get dirty." I lift her from the chair and put her in front of my face as I smile. "No she isn't. As a matter of fact, she fuckin' _loves_ to get dirty. Especially with those bad motherfuckers I was talking about earlier. Or anyone else that gets," I pause, " _disagreeable_ with her. She does have a bit of a fuckin' temper." I laugh lowly. Fuck, I couldn't resist.

I see him swallow roughly. Hopefully my point is fuckin' made.

"Well." I throw Lucille over my shoulder. "I'm gonna have a fuckin' look around. Get to know some of you fine fuckin' people a little better." I turn to walk to the door.

"Y-Yes," Gregory stutters. "Of course, Nathan."

I stop dead in my tracks. This fucker _wants_ to get killed. He has to.

I feel my men tense up behind me. I'm sure they are thinking I'm gonna fuckin' brain that fucker with Lucille. But that's not what I'm trying to do here. But fuuuck, Gregory's making it hard for me to stay on script.

I turn my head back to him. "The name's _Negan_." I point to my girl, "And this is Lucille. You best remember that."

Me and my men walk out of the house and onto the grounds. I look around and see that the Hill-folk are still mostly working, unbothered by my men. That's what I fuckin' wanted. Some of my men are even helping out. Or fuckin' watching the workers as they do their shit. Like they are learning.

There is an empty patch of lawn that some of the fuckin' kids are kicking around a soccer ball on. And some of my men are joining in. Everyone around them fuckin' smiling and laughing the whole time.

Shit, these Hill-folk are easy to sway. And with Gregory being as much of a fuckin' asshole as he is, these people will be begging me to be their leader in no time.

I look past the kids and see a fuckin' pregnant ass lady carrying a basket of wet laundry that she is trying to get to the clotheslines to dry. I jog over to her to take the basket from her.

"Shit, honey. Let me take that. You shouldn't be fuckin' carrying this shit."

She lets me take the basket and points to the lines to say that's where she is headed. "Oh, thank you..."

"Negan."

"Thank you, Negan. I'm Lisa. You're with this group?" She gestures to my men who are milling around as we walk.

"I _lead_ this group, honey." I sets the basket down by the clothesline.

"Oh!" She replies a little excited. Like I'm some celebrity or some shit. It makes me fuckin' smile. "We were all a little nervous when you pulled in, but your men have been awesome. A couple of your guys helped me scrub these." She points to the laundry in the basket.

She's cute. Older than Chuck. And smaller framed. With a bigass belly. But cute. Her skin is fuckin' tanned, probably from working out in the sun, and her hair and eyes are dark. She crouches down with a fuckin' groan and picks up a shirt from the basket to pin to the line.

I bend back down to pick the fuckin' basket back up, so she won't need to bend so much. "Jesus Christ, sweetheart. Do you usually do this job?"

She gives me an appreciative smile and pulls another shirt out of the basket. "I don't mind it. I have to do something around here. And actually, this job isn't bad compared to some of others. I used to be a gardener, but that got to be too hard. Too hot out in the sun. And I don't always have to hang the laundry, but I don't mind doing it some of the time."

I move down the line as she does, carrying the basket for her as she hangs the clothes. "Goddamn! You have to be about ready to pop. Shouldn't you be fuckin' resting."

She laughs. "I have another month and a half left."

"Shit, really?" She's fuckin' huge! Is Chuck gonna get that big? "You got a doctor here to take care of that?" I'm curious. She doesn't seem fuckin' concerned with how pregnant she is. I think I'd be shitting fuckin' bricks if I had to push a baby out of me with no goddamn doctor around.

"Actually, we have an obgyn here."

"Really?" That gets my fuckin' attention. That is really fuckin' good news to know. "That's pretty fuckin' good for you. And that little guy." I nod to her belly.

"Oh, definitely. I don't think me and my husband would have been trying for a baby if we didn't have Dr. Carson here."

"Dr. Carson?" What the fuck are the odds of that?

"Yeah. He's amazing. The last baby he delivered was breach, but he handled it and everyone was perfect in the end." She hangs the last pair of pants and starts to take the empty basket from me. "Oh!" she yelps as she drops the basket and brings her hands to her fuckin' belly.

"Fuck! Are you okay, sweetheart?"

"The little shit is kicking up a storm." She grabs my free hand and places it on her belly before I can fuckin' pull away.

"Holy shit. I can feel it." I can't help the bigass smile that goes across my face.

She smiles up at me and I smiled back. "My little guy is gonna be a kick boxer, I swear. He likes to wake me up at three am every night."

"You're having a boy?" I take my hand off her belly when the baby stops kicking.

"Yeah." She rubs her belly. "He's my little Benjamin."

A man comes walking over to us and gives the woman a kiss. He throws me a look and then turns back to her. "How are you doing?"

"Benny was just kicking the shit out of my bladder again. Other than that, I'm fine." She smiles at the man and then looks at me. "This is my husband Terry. Terry, this is Negan. He's the leader of the group that's getting our women back."

"We're gonna try our fuckin' best to do just that. I really fuckin' hope we succeed. Kidnapping women is fuckin' reprehensible in my book."

"Thank you," the man says genuinely. "You and your men... What you're doing, we can't thank you enough."

"Just raise that boy fuckin' right and I'll consider us getting close to even." We all laugh. "Where the fuck is this doctor that's gonna be delivering that little guy? I'd like to give him my fuckin' regards."

They point me to one of the trailers and I head that way. I knock on the door and walk into the room.

"Can I help you?" Dr. Carson, I presume, says. He's younger than my doc Carson with a full head of hair and a light fuckin' beard on his face.

"Just checking the place the fuck out. Looks pretty nice to me." The trailer is set up like a typical doctor's office. Counters and cabinets filled with medical shit. A bed for patients. And an ultrasound machine in the corner.

"You're one of the men out looking for our girls?"

"I'm Negan. I'm the leader of the men looking for your girls."

He nods. "Nice to meet you." He holds his hand out to me and I take it. Doctor's a doctor. "I'm Harlan Carson."

"It's fuckin' great to meet you. I ran into..." Fuck. What was her name. " _Lisa_ out there."

He smiles. "Ah, yes. She's hard to miss."

"So you're an official fuckin' baby catcher, then?"

He laughs. "I was an obgyn before all this, yes. For over twenty years."

"Shit!" I can't help but smile. Somehow, I'm getting this fucker to see Chuck. "How many kids you deliver?"

"God," he looks to the ceiling in thought, "over my career? I can't even count. Thousands."

"Jesus Christ. I thought _I_ was an expert in pussy."

He laughs. "I don't think I would word my profession quite that way."

I pause to organize my fuckin' thoughts. I have questions that only he can answer.

"So, in your professional opinion..." I sound nonchalant, but I'm nervous. "Say, hypothetically, there's a pregnant girl, but she doesn't know she's pregnant. It's like a couple weeks after she gets knocked up and she donates a lot of blood to someone, is that dangerous for the fuckin' baby?"

"Well, yes. It's dangerous for the baby. It could cause a miscarriage."

"Say, she doesn't have a miscarriage then. Would there be fuckin' complications later on?"

He thinks about it. "No. If that didn't cause a miscarriage within a few days, then I'd say she's safe."

I rub my hand down my jaw. "And what if, hypothetically, this same girl was a little further along, still first trimester, and someone gets fuckin' rough with her. Punches her in the fuckin' face. Ties her up and leaves her in a hot fuckin' trailer for several hours."

He gives me a look. " _Hypothetically_?" he stresses with raised eyebrows. "Anything that hurts the mother can be dangerous for the baby. But if she doesn't have any cramping or bleeding right after the event, I'd say she's fine. Babies, and pregnant women, too, can be fragile. But they can also be resilient."

He stares at me with a smile on his face. Fuck. I bet he's calmed down a fuckton of nervous fathers over his whole career. But I'm not gonna admit I got a kid on the way. It's safer if people I don't trust yet don't know about my girl with my baby in her belly.

I change the subject. "Why'd you fuckin' pick it? Pussy instead of any other field of medicine?"

He leans back on the counter. "Well," he scratches his beard, "it's not just," he pauses, "'pussy'. It's bringing a life into the world. And that's so... not to sound egotistical, but that's so important. Especially now."

I raise my eyebrows and do the "I suppose" face.

"Medicine was a family affair for me. My dad was an old family doctor. Like the kind that travelled to the patients' houses. And my brother became a gp to follow in his footsteps. I would've, too, but when I learned about delivering babies, my focus shifted."

"Brother? He still around?" This guy doesn't exactly look like my Carson, but that doesn't mean much.

"Maybe. I don't know. His name is... or was, I guess, Emmett."

Shiiiiit. That _is_ my Carson. Maybe if I tell him that I have his brother back home, he'll fuckin' come back with me. Live at The Sanctuary. And he'll deliver my baby.

"He's at The Sanctuary," I respond unceremoniously.

Harlan snaps his head to me. "What?"

"Emmett Carson. Lanky fucker. Grey hair. Balding. Weird ass professional fuckin' attitude at all times."

"Wh-what?" He stands up fully. "Why didn't you tell me that when you first came in?!"

"How the fuck was I supposed to know he was actually related to you?"

"Is-Is he alright?"

"He's fuckin' fine. He's been with me for, fuck," I think, "a year and a half. Maybe fuckin' longer."

"Oh my god." He covers his mouth in shock. "I thought he was dead."

"Nope. Alive and kicking. You can hitch a fuckin' ride back with us to see him." And take a look at my wife while you're there. "Stay a few days. Catch up a little." Decide to stay for the fuckin' duration of Chuck's pregnancy. Hopefully.

"Uh, yeah! Yes. Yes, thank you," he says excitedly.

"Fan-fuckin'-tastic."

Within the hour, we are all back on the fuckin' road. And I can't help but smile the whole fuckin' ride home.


	32. Chapter 32

Chuck turns her head on the pillow to look at the clock. 10:14 am. She stretches her legs out and sits up to stretch her arms. She feels her stomach lurch and hurries to the bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet. Because she hasn't even eaten yet, it's not much. She wipes her mouth and turns around to sit on the toilet relieve her full bladder.

"Baby, what are you doing to me?" she wonders out loud in frustration as she rubs her naked stomach.

As she walks by the large mirror over the sink to leave the room, she pauses. She looks at herself turned to the side in the mirror and examines her body. It _does_ look different to her. Her breasts are larger and sporting some visible veins that were never there before. And her stomach is bigger. It could be confused for bloating if someone doesn't know she is pregnant, but her stomach is still bigger.

She giggles and leaves the bathroom, grabbing Negan's dirty shirt from yesterday and pulling it over her head. She looks out of the window for a moment, chewing on the dry toast that she made to settle her stomach, and decides that it is a nice day to read outside. The sun is shining bright in the sky and the weather looks perfect.

She takes a quick shower then heads out to Negan's office to play with the cats for a little bit. Negan had brought up a bunch of cat toys for the animals and a couple more covered litter boxes, to Sam and Jose's chagrin. It is their job to scoop the litter boxes at the beginning of their shifts to make sure Negan's office stays as clean as possible. The kittens are getting bigger and Chuck loves to watch them run around Negan's office chasing each other and playing. She and Negan even named all of them. Chuck named the momma cat Creamsicle. And the kittens are Larry, Curly, and Moe, courtesy of Negan.

The cats keep Chuck company as she sits on the couch in the office and knits more of her blanket. The dangling yarn grabs the cats' attention for a little bit until they get bored of it in favor of wrestling with each other.

At lunchtime, Chuck makes herself a sandwich and eats it slowly, trying to make sure she keeps it down. After that, Chuck walks across the hall and picks out a navy blue flowy sundress and pairs it with the ankle strap heels Negan had mentioned the day before. Her long hair is pulled into the sleekest bun she can manage to finish off the look.

Chuck grabs a few books and heads to her picnic table outside to read. Her heels dig awkwardly into the gravel that surrounds the table as she situates herself on the bench. The sun is a little hotter than Chuck had thought, so she plans to move to her shadowy tree when it gets too uncomfortable for her. Someone else apparently was reading her mind, because a large shadow covers her from behind.

Chuck turns her head to see what it is and is greeted by Simon carrying a large parasol. She laughs at the sight. "What is this?" she asks with a huge smile on her face.

Simon twirls the parasol a little and wedges it in a gap in the slats on the picnic table, casting the table, and Chuck in shadow. "I saw you out here and remembered seeing this thing in the warehouse. Thought you might need it."

"I do!" she says appreciatively. "I was just thinking about moving to my shady tree around back."

His face falls a little. "Well, now you can stay here instead. You know, stay out front."

She gives him a soft smile. She figures that the mention of the back reminded him about when she was attacked. Which is still a sore spot for him. He feels guilty about not stopping the it. "Yeah. Of course," she tries to say in a casual tone, hoping whatever bad things he is thinking about would leave his mind and assuring him that she is really alright.

He sits down across from her. "What are you reading today?"

"I, robot."

"Like the movie?"

She laughs. "Yeah. The movie was based on this. But it's different. The book is just a bunch of short stories about robots."

He gives her a goofy smile. "Robots are pretty cool."

"They _are_ cool," she agrees playfully. "You think there are still people out there working on that kinda stuff?"

Simon ponders it while he scratches his cheek. "I don't know. Probably somewhere. Somewhere where the dead aren't a problem."

"You think places like that exist?"

"Well," he rests his elbows on the table. "There are remote islands. And villages on mountains and shit."

"Hmm. Yeah. You're right."

He shrugs and gets up. He takes his knife out and starts to carve into the table right underneath the parasol pole.

Chuck reads aloud what he wrote. "Do not touch. Property of Simon." She giggles.

"There," he puts his knife away. "Now you'll always have a place to read outside. And you won't have to worry about burning that lily white skin of yours."

She giggles again. "Thank you. And my skin thanks you. I don't need anymore freckles."

"I wouldn't say that. They're cute." He looks at her for a few moments. Then his smile fades. He drops his head then brings it back up, this time with a fake smile on his face. "I better get going. See ya later, kiddo."

"Yeah bye, Simon."

When he is out of sight, Chuck lets out a sigh.

 _Poor Simon. What can I do to make this better for him?_

Chuck knows Simon's still trying to deal with her pregnancy. Whenever he talks to her, he doesn't really mention it. Like he's trying not to think about it. And Chuck doesn't bring it up, afraid that it would hurt him.

She reads for a while longer until her stomach starts to grumble. She grabs her books and gets up from the table. After a few steps, the gravel pulls her heel awkwardly which causes her to lose her footing. She goes down on her hands and knees in the gravel, not especially hard, but hard enough to make her hiss out in pain.

She picks herself up and brushes the dirt from her hands and knees. She notices some blood dripping from a cut on her knee and running down her leg.

A sigh leaves her lips as she looks the wound over. "Great." It isn't a huge cut, but it still needs to be cleaned and covered. She gathers up her books from the ground and enters the building, headed for the infirmary.

— Negan's POV —

We pull through the gates to The Sanctuary and everyone gets out of the fuckin' trucks. I walk back to the truck that Harlan is in and gesture for him to follow me. I see Simon come out of the building, so I walk the fuck over to him with a huge fuckin' smile on my face.

Simon looks at the man beside me and then to me. "Everything went well, I assume."

"Yes indeedy it did go fuckin' well. And I think we are well on our way to a beautiful fuckin' friendship with those Hill-folk. Anything happen around here while I was out?"

"Nope. Pretty typical day."

"Good good." I scratch my beard. "Harlan, this here is my right hand man Simon. And Simon, this here is Hilltop's Dr. Harlan Carson."

"Carson?" Simon asks with scrunched up eyebrows.

Harlan holds his hand out and shakes Simon's hand. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Yup. He's a Carson. He just so happens to be _our_ Dr. Carson's kid fuckin' brother."

Simon laughs. "No shit?"

"And he also happens to be a fuckin' obgyn."

Simon looks confused. "O-B-G what?"

Harlan answers. "Doctor of obstetrics and gynecology. Obgyn."

I butt in. "He delivers babies."

Simon looks at me with wide eyes. "Oh."

"Welp. Let's get to the fuckin' infirmary to get this little family reunion on the road."

Me and Harlan continue into the building while Simon stays outside to help with the trucks. We walk through and I start to talk about the place. Really talk it up so Harlan will see how fuckin' awesome it is here. Just up ahead, I see a figure enter my hallway from another one. I see her look around and then turn to me.

Everything drops away from me as I look at her. The only thing I can see is blood. Blood running down the inside of Chuck's leg.

I think she says something, but I don't fuckin' hear it as I run to her.

"No! No no no. Not this!"

I scoop her up in my arms and run her to the infirmary. I can still hear her voice, but I don't know what the fuck she's saying. I hear my voice, too, coming out of me like it is someone else's.

"Fuck, no! Not again!"

I kick the door open and set her in the bed.

"It's fuckin' dying! She's losing the baby!"

Everything around me is a fuckin' blur. I'm breathing so hard that I think my fuckin' lungs would burst. My vision starts to tunnel. All of my fuckin' muscles are tensed and shaking.

The doc isn't doing fuckin' anything! Why the fuck isn't he doing anything!?

Chuck stands up from the bed. I try to push her back down. She needs attention!

"SHE'S HAVING A FUCKING MISCARRIAGE! DO SOMETHING!"

Chuck grabs ahold of my face and shakes me. She is fuckin' yelling at me, but all I hear is buzzing. What is she fucking yelling?!

— —

"Negan, calm down! I'm fine! The baby's fine!" Chuck stands from the bed, but Negan pushes her back down onto it. "Negan, stop! Calm down!"

Negan looks around wildly before he screams, "SHE'S HAVING A FUCKING MISCARRIAGE! DO SOMETHING!"

Chuck stands and grabs ahold of his face. "I'm fine! Listen to me! The baby's fine!"

He tries to push her back to the bed again, but she slaps him across the face, stopping him.

"NEGAN, STOP!" she screams.

He brings his hand up to his face and looks at Chuck. The jolt seems to snap him out of it.

"I cut my knee! I'm not miscarrying!"

He looks down to her knee, then back up to her face. He drops his hand from his cheek and turns his head to face Carson and the new man that had followed him in the room. "Give her an ultrasound. Now," he growls. Negan pushes Chuck to lay down on the bed and starts to pull her skirt up to expose her belly.

"Negan!" She slaps his hands away. "There's someone else in the room." She nods her head toward the newcomer.

Carson lifts his head from the ultrasound machine that he is pulling closer to the bed. "It's okay, Charlotte. This is my brother. He's a doctor, too."

Chuck looks from Carson to the other man.

"I'm Dr. Harlan Carson. I'm an obgyn and... I assume you're pregnant." He holds out his hand and Chuck shakes it meekly.

"Uh, yeah." She looks back to Negan, who is still out of breath and then back to the other Dr. Carson. "Y-You're Dr. Carson's brother?" she asks confused.

Negan lets out a growl beside her.

Harlan looks to Negan and then pats Chuck's shoulder. "Why don't we check you out first and then we can chat later."

"Uh... Oh, okay." She knows Negan is still agitated and being impatient. "I just tripped outside and scraped my knee. I didn't hit my stomach or anything. I didn't even fall that hard, really. I just happened to land on a sharp rock," she explains, hoping to calm everyone down.

Negan helps her pull her dress all the way up to her chest and Carson covers her legs with a blanket.

"How far along are you?" Harlan asks casually as he squirts the gel on the wand and starts to spread it on her stomach.

"Ten weeks," she answers.

Negan grabs Chuck's hand and squeezes it tight as Harlan turns the machine on and starts to move the wand over her stomach. All eyes are on the screen as the picture emerges.

"And there's baby," Harlan announces as he points to the baby on the screen with his free hand. He pushes a button and the heartbeat echoes through the room. He listens to it for a few moments before he pushes the button again, turning the speaker off, and looks at the screen. "Everything looks good. You have a perfectly healthy and normal baby at ten weeks." He smiles down at Chuck and she smiles back.

Chuck turns to smile at Negan, but he looks completely stoic, still breathing heavily.

Negan leans forward and wraps his hand around the wand, taking it from Harlan and says, "Get the fuck out," to the doctors.

Harlan looks confused and turns to his brother. Carson immediately ushers Harlan out of the room without a word.

When the door closes, Negan turns to Chuck. "Do it," he says with no emotion.

"What?" she asks, confused.

"Do it." He wiggles the wand in his hand. "Get the fuckin' picture back up." He points to the screen with his other hand as he stares at it.

Chuck takes the wand from him and begins to move it back over her stomach. It takes a few moments for her to get the picture back up, but she does.

Negan leans over to push the button Harlan had pressed to turn the speaker back on. The heartbeat fills the room once more and the pair look to the screen. After staring at their baby for several minutes, Chuck turns her head to Negan. His eyes are still glued to the screen and tears are streaming down his face.

"Oh, Negan," she chokes out as her own tears begin to spill out of her eyes. She moves the wand off of her stomach to hug Negan, but he stops her.

"No," he chokes out quietly. "Please." He never moves his eyes from the screen.

"Okay, Negan." Chuck lays back down and gets the baby back on the screen.

After a few moments, Negan starts to speak. "Lucille got pregnant twice." His eyes are still on the screen, never straying. "Neither of my babies made it to the second trimester. The first one died at six fuckin' weeks. We never even got to the fuckin' ultrasound. We were married a year. It wasn't a fuckin' planned pregnancy, but we were so goddamn happy when the test was positive." He wipes his hand down his face to rid it of his tears. "After that, she got cancer, so we couldn't... Not with the fuckin' chemo. When she went into remission, they said she might not be able to get pregnant. But we fuckin' tried anyway. For fuckin' _years_. And it finally happened." He lets out a heavy breath. "Ten weeks." His voice cracks as he says it. "A week after our first ultrasound. I got to see my baby once. Then we lost it." He shakes his head. "The doctors told us it probably wouldn't fuckin' happen again after that. It didn't." He finally looks down at her.

"I'm so sorry, Negan," she chokes out. Her heart breaks for Negan and Lucille at what they went through.

He gets up and takes the wand from her, setting it in its place and then wheeling the machine back to the wall. He grabs a towel and moves back to wipe the gel off of Chuck.

"Did I hurt you?" he asks as he runs the towel over her stomach.

"No."

"Did I scare you?"

"A little. But I understand."

He nods sadly and pulls her dress back down her legs. She jumps up and throws her arms around his shoulders in a hug. He wraps his own arms around her waist and squeezes her to him.

She runs her fingers through his hair as he nuzzles into her neck. "It's okay, Negan. It's okay to be scared."

They cling to each other for a few minutes before Negan pulls back.

"Shit. You still need your knee fuckin' patched up." He opens the door and calls out into the hall, "Come on, docs. Get the fuck in here."

Chuck sits down on the bed and waits for the doctors to come back in. Carson wastes no time in looking at her knee.

"So you guys are really brothers?" she asks.

"Yes," Carson answers with a smile as he works on the cut on her knee.

"So what should I call you guys? You're both Dr. Carson."

Harlan answers. "He's _your_ doctor, so he can be Dr. Carson. Just call me Harlan."

When Carson finishes up, Negan tells Chuck to go upstairs. He then directs Harlan to follow him as he goes to the second floor meeting room.

— Negan's POV —

I sit at the head of the table and set Lucille down in front of me. I fuckin' dropped her in the hall when I went running to Chuck. Fuck. That's the first fuckin' time that's happened. Fat Joey picked her up for me and waited for me to leave the infirmary, so he could fuckin' give her back to me.

I gesture to my left for Harlan to take his fuckin' seat.

"Well, _Doctor_ Harlan Carson," I say as I rest my elbows on the table. "I'm not gonna fuckin' lie to you. I want you to stay here. I know you haven't gotten the fuckin' ten cent tour of my place, but I can assure you that you will be safe here. Well fed. _Respected_."

Harlan squirms in his seat. Shit. He's not gonna fuckin' stay.

"I'm not saying you have to make your decision right fuckin' now. You can take a few days. Hang out with your big bro. Get a fuckin' feel for the place. And if you wanna stay, I will welcome you with open fuckin' arms." I scratch my beard. "And if you want to leave, well, we'll get you back home safe and fuckin' sound. I guarantee it."

Harlan looks at me a bit nervously. "That's very generous, Negan. But Hilltop is my home. And I have patients there I can't leave."

I try not to get fuckin' angry. All I want to do is fuckin' _demand_ that he stay. But I'm trying to do this shit differently. "I'm a little fuckin' disappointed, doc. But it _is_ your choice."

He nods. "That's your first child, right? First time dads can be a little overprotective, so I get why you'd want me here full time to take care of baby and mother."

Fuck. I didn't want him to know Chuck was pregnant with my kid. I was gonna talk to her first about seeing him. Fuckin' tell her not to say the kid was mine. But I fucked that up when I freaked the fuck out in front of him. Now another goddamn group will know about my weakness.

"Look, Harlan." I let out a sigh. "I have enemies. Being a fuckin' leader of a group will do that. Her being pregnant... It can be dangerous for her if the fuckin' wrong people found out." I let out a heavy breath. "If anyone hurt her to try to get to me, nothing would stop me from getting my fuckin' vengeance on everyone involved. _Nothing_." I glare at him. He better fuckin' get what I'm telling him.

Harlan gulps. "I know the world has changed, but I still operate the same way I always have. Doctor/patient confidentiality still stands with me. And I would _never_ put one of my patients in danger. I won't tell anyone about her or the baby. You have my word."

I study his face. He isn't fuckin' lying. "Good."

"I can come back every few weeks to check up on her, if you like. And I'm sure my brother can tend to her without me, even though he's not a licensed obgyn. You don't have anything to worry about."

"Yeah... Carson's delivered a few fuckin' babies over his time here." I rub my hand down my face. I'm trying to calm my-fuckin'-self down with that. "We have another pregnant woman here, too. She's further along than Chuck. You can fuckin' check her out, too, while you're here."

I raise my radio to my fuckin' mouth. "Dwight. Get the fuck to the meeting room."

" _I'm close by, sir. I'll be there in a minute._ "

Dwight walks in a couple minutes later.

"Our guest here will be staying a few days. Find him a room and escort him down to the infirmary."

"Yes, sir."

I turn to Harlan. "Get big bro to give you the lay of the land."

They fuckin' leave and I head up to my room.

— —

As soon as Chuck gets upstairs, she goes to her room to change out of her dress and heels in favor for an oversized T-shirt and sleep shorts. She puts on the pair of fuzzy slippers that Negan had brought up for her and goes back into Negan's apartment. She bums around for a bit before she decides to start dinner.

She settles on spaghetti because they have some of Negan's sauce still leftover in the refrigerator and it is a quick meal. She isn't sure when Negan is going to come back up, but she is too hungry to wait much longer. It doesn't take too long for the food to cook and just as she sits down with her plate, Negan comes in.

"Perfect timing," Chuck calls out. "I just finished up with dinner."

"Thank fuck. I'm starving." Negan gives her a kiss on the forehead before he goes into his room. He comes back out, without Lucille and his jacket and grabs a plate.

"It's crazy that you ran across Dr. Carson's brother," Chuck says with a chuckle. "What are the odds?" She figures that bringing up the other thing that happened today isn't a good idea. If Negan wants to talk about it, he'll bring it up himself.

"Pretty fuckin' good, apparently." He grabs a plate and fills it with the food still sitting on the stove. Then, he sits down at the table.

"Where did you find him?" Chuck doesn't know much about where Negan went today. All he said was that he was helping out a community.

He lets out a tense breath. "He's the doc for a fuckin' place called Hilltop."

"Oh. Is it big? The settlement?"

He takes a bite. "Not really. They're a bunch of fuckin' farmers."

"Oh, wow! That's great. I mean, this world needs farmers." She takes a bite of her own.

"Yeah. We're gonna be getting shit from them from now on. Produce and shit. Stuff we don't fuckin' have here."

"Like what?"

He smirks at her. "I want to fuckin' surprise you." He takes a bite and chews it with a big smile on his face.

She giggles. "Okay." She takes another bite. "What are you helping them out with?"

His smile drops and he looks away. "No, baby girl."

"What? What is it?"

He shakes his head. "There's ugly fuckin' shit out there."

"I know, Negan. You don't have to hide that stuff from me."

He lets out a sigh and looks up to her. "These Hilltop people aren't fighters. They don't even have fuckin' guns. And another group has been attacking their scavengers and scouts. Killed a bunch of them."

"Oh, no," she whispers.

Negan lets out an even bigger sigh. "Some of the scavengers were women. And they weren't killed. They were fuckin' taken."

Chuck feels a chill go through her body. "Taken?"

"Yeah." He runs his hand down his jaw. "We're gonna find them. Get those women home fuckin' safe and sound."

She looks down and nods. "That's good." She feels so bad for those women, knowing what they must be going through.

"Baby girl, just finish your dinner, please."

She nods again and takes a bite.

"I'm gonna try to get Harlan to fuckin' stay for you."

"Does the Hilltop have another doctor?"

He gives her a look. "No."

"Then I don't want him to stay."

"Come on, baby girl. He's a baby doctor and you have a fuckin' baby in you."

"Are there pregnant women at this Hilltop place?"

He doesn't answer her, but takes a bite instead.

"Is that a 'yes'?"

He lets out a huff. "There's at least one pregnant lady."

"Then he needs to be there."

Negan lets out a huff and pushes his empty plate aside. "No matter fuckin' what, he's checking up on you fuckin' often. Amber, too."

"Then there's no problem." She gives him a warm look, but receives a nervous one in return. "I understand you're nervous about... complications. But we have Carson here. And Kayla. And Harlan can travel here if we need him. How far away is Hilltop?"

"Too far."

She looks down, unsure if she can say anything to assuage his fears. "I'm fine, Negan. Everything will be okay-"

She is interrupted by Negan's radio going off.

" _Sir, we got word from the team following the barbarians. They followed them to some farmhouse they use as their base._ "

Negan stands up and points to Chuck's plate. "Finish eating." He walks into the office and starts to bark orders into the radio.

Chuck takes his order to mean "Don't come into the office," so she doesn't. She just finishes up with her dinner and leaves Negan to his official business.


	33. Chapter 33

— Negan's POV —

I point to Chuck's plate and say, "Finish eating," before I walk into my office. I grab the radio from my belt and put it up to my face. "Tell my men to stay the fuck out of sight and watch those fuckers. I need details before I make any more plans for those fuckin' barbarians."

" _Copy that, sir._ "

I pace around for a minute thinking about what fuckin' needs to get done. How me and my men are gonna take those fuckers out. My office door opens and I turn my head toward the fuckin' sound.

Simon walks in. "What's the plan, boss?" I know he's talking about the fuckin' barbarians. He probably heard the message on the radio and headed this way to talk about what we're gonna fuckin' do.

I let out a sigh as I turn to him. "I want more men out there watching those motherfuckers. Send binoculars, rifles with scopes, shit like that so they can watch them. I want fuckin' numbers. How many fuckin' guys they got. If they got guard patrols. Who comes in and out and fuckin' when. And I want fuckin' eyes on those women. I want to know if they're fuckin'..." I run my hand down my fuckin' face. All the shit those fuckin' dickwads are probably doing to those women goes through my mind. "I want to know if those girls are alive. Or hurt. And where the fuck they are in that house. If we need to fuckin' barge in the place guns-a-blazing, I don't want those girls to get caught in the crossfire."

"Sure thing. I'll get some guys together and they can head out within the hour. We got some of those night vision goggles and thermal cameras that we've never really used yet. They should come in real handy."

"Yeah. I want to know everything about those fuckers before we make a move."

"Are we gonna bring them back? Make an example outta them? Send a message?"

"Nah. We both know why they kidnapped those women. We're neutralizing them the fuckin' second we can and getting those girls back home. _That's_ the message we're gonna send. We _will_ defeat the big bads of this world." I chuckle as I remember something Chuck once said to me. "We _will_ defend the fair maidens. I want those hill-folk to know that. Cuz we _are_ the fuckin' Saviors, after all."

Simon nods. "That we are." He turns around and leaves. To carry out my fuckin' orders like a good little boy.

I fuckin' pace around my office, dragging my hand through my hair. We are going to get those fuckers. Those men are gonna fuckin' pay for what they've done.

I walk back into the fuckin' kitchen, but Chuck isn't there. She must've finished up and went into my room. So that's where I fuckin' head.

I open the door and see that Chuck is bent over the fuckin' coffee table, her hands on Lucille. It's like she's fuckin' exploring her, running her fingers over her handle gently. Goddamn, it's making my dick twitch. Chuck is looking at Lucille so fuckin' intently that she doesn't even notice that I've come into the room.

I watch her for a second before I speak the fuck up. "Whatcha doin', princess?"

— —

Chuck finishes her last few bites of food and cleans up the plates from the table. She enters the bedroom and the first thing she sees is Lucille laying across the coffee table. With a bite of her lip, she looks behind her to make sure that Negan is still in the office.

 _I've never really been alone with Lucille before. I've never even touched her. I don't know if Negan will be mad... but I'm just too curious._

Chuck bends over the table and runs her fingers up and down Lucille's handle. She is smooth and almost velvety, from Negan's near constant grip on her. Chuck brings her hand to her and grasps the bottom of the handle as her other hand ventures further up toward where the barbed wire wraps around her body.

"Whatcha doin', princess?" Negan's singsong voice comes from the doorway.

Chuck lets out a scream and jumps a mile as he startles her. In her fright, she accidentally pushes her finger into Lucille's barbs, giving her a small puncture wound on the pad of her pointer finger.

"You scared me, Negan!" She brings her finger up to her face to inspect the wound. "And Lucille hurt me."

"Shit, baby girl." He walks up to her and takes her hand in his. "I didn't mean to scare you," he says with a smirk.

"Is she clean?"

Negan gives Chuck a look and then brings her hand to his face. "Of course she's fuckin' clean. You know I take good fuckin' care of my girls." He moves her finger to his mouth and places it to his lips. His tongue comes out to lightly lick her wound before finishing with a kiss to her finger.

Chuck scrunches her face up, but with a smile. "That's kinda gross," she giggles.

"It is?"

"You got my blood in your mouth."

He puts his hand on her stomach. "You got my blood in your belly. So I say we're fuckin' even."

She laughs. "I can't argue with that logic, I guess."

Negan goes into the bathroom and comes back out with an alcohol pad and a bandaid. He wipes her finger with the pad and puts the bandage on, putting a soft kiss on it after. He grasps the back of her head and pulls her into him, his lips meeting hers in a passionate kiss.

"What was that for?" she pulls back to ask.

"I'm sorry for scaring you."

Chuck isn't sure which one he means. The scare he gave her earlier or the one just now. "It's okay, Negan."

He kisses her again and it becomes heated easily. His hands travel under her shirt, grasping at her curves desperately. Her own hands rise to his face and hair with just as much fervor. Their clothes are quickly shed as they get into the bed.

Negan is frenetic, his hands squeezing at her body harshly and his teeth more than grazing at her neck and shoulders.

"Negan," she gasps as he sucks hard on her neck. "Negan, don't." When he makes no attempt to stop, Chuck pulls back on his hair to wrench his head away from her neck. "What are you doing?" she asks with furrowed brows.

Negan's breath is heavy as he brings a finger to the spot his lips had just left.

"I told you to stop and you didn't listen."

His eyes shoot up to hers and then look away. "You want me to stop?" He makes a move to get off her, but she holds him close.

"Not stop completely. I just don't want you to leave a mark."

He looks down at her with an intense expression. "I'm sorry, baby girl. I just fuckin' need you right now."

A wave of arousal goes straight to her core at his words. "Then have me."

His lips are on hers before she even gets the words fully out. His tongue is insistent, battling its way into her mouth leaving her breathless.

He sits up on his spread knees and pulls her to him by her hips. "Please say you're fuckin' ready," he breathes out.

"I'm ready, Negan."

He plunges into her without further warning, making her cry out slightly. "Fuck, you're so beautiful taking my dick," he growls as he runs his hands up her torso. He grasps her waist tightly to hold her still as he pounds into her from his position on his knees.

"God, Negan!" she moans as she slides her hands up his arms and clutches onto his biceps. "Mmm."

Chuck becomes aware of how Negan's movement causes her breasts to shake. She moves her hands up to still them, thinking that the sight of her jiggling all over the place is probably unflattering.

Negan grabs her wrists and pins them by her shoulders as he continues to thrust into her. "Goddamnit, Chuck. I love watching your fuckin' tits bounce. Don't hide that shit from me."

His intense gaze and gruff words is just enough to push her over the edge.

"Ah, Negan!"

"Fuck, baby." He lets go of one of her wrists and slides his hand down her cheek and to her neck, snaking his fingers around her throat. "I'm gonna cum so hard inside that tight fuckin' pussy of yours. You want that, princess?"

"Yes, Negan."

He pounds into her even faster. "Feels so fuckin' good, don't it?"

"Yes!"

"Your pussy gonna cum all over my fuckin' cock again?"

"Ah! Mmm yes, Negan!"

"Fuck. Fuck!" He thrusts hard and fast until his rhythm falters and he releases his seed deep within her.

Feeling Negan cum triggers Chuck's second orgasm. She wraps her legs around his hips as she rides out her climax, screaming his name.

Negan collapses beside her on the bed, breathing heavily as he wipes his forehead. "Fuck, that was good."

She giggles as she catches her breath. "Mmhmm."

They both lay there, coming down from their highs. Chuck looks over to Negan to see that his eyes are closed making him look almost peaceful. Him looking so serene makes her think about what had happened today. How Negan had been upset at the thought that Chuck was miscarrying. And what he said about Lucille's miscarriages. And then this. Chuck had enjoyed herself and Negan seemed to, as well, but he seemed desperate and almost out of control.

"Negan?" Chuck whispers.

"Hm," he grunts in response.

"Are you okay?"

He smiles and opens his sleepy eyes slowly. "Fuck yeah, I'm okay." His voice is raspy with sleep. "Don't worry about me, baby girl."

"I just... I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything. We're in this together, you know."

He brings his hand up to caress her cheek and smiles. "That's right. We're in this together. You and me." He kisses her softly and puts his forehead to hers. His expression gets serious. "Chuck, I..." He sighs. "I..."

Chuck can tell that he is struggling to say something to her, though what it is, she's not sure. She knows he has pent up fears about her losing the baby. And she figures that he may have fears about becoming a father, just like she does of becoming a mother. But he very rarely talks about his feelings. She wants to encourage him to let it all out. To open up to her more.

"You can tell me, Negan. You can tell me anything. We're friends. That's what friends are for." She gives him a gentle smile, but his face drops.

Negan backs away from Chuck and gets off the bed, pulling on his underwear once he finds them.

"Negan?" Chuck asks, confused at his sudden change in demeanor. He almost seems angry now.

"I have some shit to do before tomorrow. Don't wait up." He never meets her gaze and leaves the room, heading for his office.

"Okay," Chuck says quietly, mostly to herself as she pulls the blankets over her and lays back on the pillows.

— Negan's POV —

Goddamnit!

I'm so fuckin' pissed. I just have to get away from Chuck. I can't look at her anymore, so I fuckin' go into my office. I'll find some shit to do to keep my mind off of her. And what she said.

 _Friends_. We're _friends_. I was _this_ fuckin' close to telling her I love her and she says we're friends. That's what she fuckin' said. Fuckin' _friends_!

That word has never ripped anyone's heart out like it fuckin' did mine. I don't want to be fuckin' _friends_ with her. I want her to _love_ me. Love me like I love her. Love me like a fuckin' partner. Like a goddamn husband!

Why won't she? Why the fuck won't she?! I've done everything for her. I saved her fuckin' life! I give her every-fuckin'-thing she could ever want. What fuckin' more can I do?! What the fuck does she want from me?!

Fuck! I don't wanna fuckin' think about this anymore.

I sit down at my desk and start to think about what the fuck I'm gonna do with those goddamn barbarians. My men should be watching them and getting my fuckin' numbers for me. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna fuckin' head out tomorrow and come up with a formal fuckin' plan for taking those fuckers out. Once I see what I'm dealing with out there.

After about an hour, I decide to go to fuckin' bed. But I don't want to go back in my goddamn room, so I just sleep on the couch in my fuckin' office.

I get woken up the next morning by a fuckin' cat walking all over my goddamn face. And another one clawing me way too fuckin' close to my dick.

"Get the fuck off me," I growl and they jump down.

It's just after fuckin' sunrise. I slept pretty shitty, but I know I'm not getting back to fuckin' sleep now.

I go back into my room to get dressed. There is just enough light coming through the windows that I can see Chuck all spread out on my bed. Her hair is all wild across my pillows, looking red as fuck in the morning light. She must've kicked the fuckin' blanket off in her sleep because the sheet is the only thing covering her. And that is just barely. Her bigass titties are on full display. She always had nice fat tits, but those pregnancy hormones have made them even bigger.

And I can see just the side of her fuckin' little chubby belly. It isn't much different from what she fuckin' looked like after she gained some weight back, but I can tell my baby is changing her stomach already.

Fuck, she's gorgeous.

All the shit I thought about last night suddenly goes through my mind, which pisses me off all over again. I finish getting ready, grab Lucille, and leave my fuckin' apartment without saying anything to Chuck. I just don't want to deal with that shit anymore.

I head to Simon's room. I gotta talk with him about this fuckin' barbarian situation. Shit's gonna go down with them, probably tonight, so I need to get shit planned with him.

I knock on his door, but he doesn't answer right away. "Come on, Simon. Get the fuck up."

He opens the door wearing just his crusty ass boxers. "Shit, man. I just got into bed like four hours ago."

"Tough shit." I push past him and go into his room, turning on his light before I sit the fuck at his table. "I want to talk to you about what the fuck we're gonna do with the barbarians."

Simon closes his door and turns back to me. "I never signed on to be up at fuckin' dawn."

I lean Lucille on my chair and give Simon the "boohoo" face.

"Dick," he mutters and plops his ass down across from me.

"I'm probably gonna be heading out to get eyes on that fuckin' group myself here sometime, so... Whatcha think?"

Simon yawns. "I don't know. Kill the shit out of 'em." He shrugs.

"That's fuckin' helpful," I bite back sarcastically.

"Well, I know as much as you do at this point. And it's not that much. _And_ I just fuckin' woke up! _You're_ the early bird. _I'm_ the night owl."

"You pussy-" I get interrupted by my radio.

" _Negan, sir?_ "

I pick up my radio. "Yeah? Go on."

" _The group watching those barbarians just checked in. They said that group has about a dozen men. And they haven't seen any women._ "

I scrub at my jaw. "Get word to them that I'll be headed out there. We're gonna put those motherfuckers down _today_ ," I say into my radio.

" _Copy that, sir._ "

I give Simon a fuckin' smirk. "Looks like you woulda been waking the fuck up anyway. Since I'm gonna be heading the fuck out right now."

"Yeah, yeah. Let me get some damn pants on."

An hour later, me and twenty of my saviors are on the road to rendezvous with my guys already at that farmhouse. We park off the main road and meet with a few of my guys. They lead us up a dirt road and into the fuckin' woods which are thick enough to cover us. I fuckin' hate hiking in the goddamn woods, so I'm relieved to see the rest of the scouting party scoping out the farmhouse. It's a few hundred yards away and down a hill. Which means we have a real good fuckin' vantage point.

"Anything fuckin' going on?" I ask quietly to no one in particular.

"They've just been fucking around," TJ answers. "Haven't gone in or out yet, really."

"They must've gotten enough shit from Hilltop, so they're kicking the fuck back. Let's plan on attacking tonight when they lay their fuckin' heads down. Catch 'em off guard. But before then, we need to find where those girls are in that house."

"We've heard them," one of TJ's crew announces sadly. "Screaming... But we haven't seen them."

Fuck.

TJ adds, "They must be in a basement or cellar. Away from any windows."

"Shit," I say under my breath. "Well. We're just gonna have to try to get in there and swiftly take those fuckers out all at once. If they get a whiff of an attack, they might kill those girls just to be done with them."

"What's the play, sir?" TJ asks. "We've been all around the house. Except the front where the fields are. The woods are pretty dense on the three sides, so we got options of where to attack from. And all the snipers have scoped out the best places to perch already."

"They have guards fuckin' patrolling at night?"

"Not on the grounds. But they had at least one lookout awake all night long. Sometimes two."

"Hmm." I rub my beard. "You think you snipers can take them out quick and quiet-like so we can move in."

"Yes, sir," Todd, my head sniper answers for his group. I have four of my best guys out here just for this situation. "We got nests with vantages on all sides of the house. And it has those old big windows, so we can see into every room." He puts his hands on his hips. "This building really is an indefensible nightmare."

"Better for us," I respond. "Get your guys set up and watching," I say to Todd. "We're gonna watch these fuckers until they go down for the night. Once the snipers radio in that they have a shot on the lookouts, we'll start to move the fuck in on all sides. When the lookouts are down, we enter the house. We take the men out first. Make it fuckin' quick and quiet. _Knives only._ No guns unless necessary. There are, what, twelve men?"

"Eleven," TJ answers.

"Eleven men we gotta put the fuck down before we even look for those girls. I do. not. want. one of those men to escape us and kill those girls just to be a dick. Got it?"

Everyone agrees.

"So let's get settled the fuck in and watch these fuckers."

We watch them all fuckin' day and it is boring as fuck. These douchebags are just fuckin' around, apparently sitting pretty with all the shit they've stolen.

And they are dumb motherfuckers. They must've gotten into a cache of booze somewhere and they're all fuckin' drunk as shit.

"Shit. This is gonna be fuckin' easy," I say aloud.

"Yeah," TJ chuckles. "How are these guys still alive?"

We wait for them all to pass out and get in position. We get word from the snipers that the lookouts are in position, one in the dining room on the first floor and one in a bedroom on the second floor. Right the fuck in front on the windows. Like the dumbasses they are. All the other men are spread out among the fuckin' bedrooms on the second floor and the living room on the first.

We all head for the house and wait for the fuckin' signal from the snipers. They don't shoot through the windows because the sound would wake everyone the fuck up; they wait for the lookouts to move and then shoot them through the wall. They have powerful fuckin' rifles just for the job.

I hear the first fuckin' shot from my sniper. It's not that loud, probably can't be heard at all from inside the goddamn house. Two clicks come from radios, signaling that the upstairs lookout is fuckin' dead. Then another shot and one click for the downstairs one.

I leave most of the men to surround the house outside and take six in with me. We move fuckin' silently into the house, not wanting to wake the three guys in the living room passed out on the couches. My men take them out quickly with fuckin' knives to the skull.

There are six left upstairs. We get two men on the staircase to start to go the fuck up there when we hear someone moving.

Fuck.

" _Holy shit! He's dead!_ " comes from above us.

Before my men can get off the staircase, shots ring out and they fall to the ground fuckin' dead.

"Goddamnit! Get cover!" I yell and scramble back into the living room. We see a head peek around the wall at the top of the stairs and return fire. Those fuckers aren't coming down here without a fight.

My saviors from outside try to come through the front door, but it's directly in front of the staircase. The fuckers on the second floor shoot down at them, keeping them from entering. My guys leave, I assume to go around to the back door.

I hear glass shatter and something heavy hit the ground directly overhead.

" _They got snipers!_ "

"That's right motherfucker!" I yell out. "You're outgunned and outplayed. So why don't you come downstairs with your hands up and things'll go better for you."

It's quiet upstairs for a few seconds. Then, another fuckin' window shatters and someone cries out.

"You're losing men up there!" I taunt. "The smart play is to give up now." It isn't, cuz I'm gonna kill the fuckers, regardless. But it'll be quicker for me if they give the fuck up.

I hear shots ring out from the back of the fuckin' house. Those fuckers must be shooting at my men, keeping them from coming in through the back.

I'm pretty sure a few of the guys are camping out in the hallway beside the top of the stairs and will shoot the shit outta us if we try to go up there. I gesture to a couple of my men and show them that I want them to shoot up through the goddamn floor. Hopefully killing those fuckers.

I hold my fingers up and count down. At one, my men fire into the ceiling in short fuckin' bursts, spraying the area with bullets. I hear a loud growl and a hiss, so I know we hit at least one of those cocksuckers. Through our gunshots, I can hear more shit shattering on the other side of the house. My snipers are still fucking shit up for them.

All the shit they're dealing with upstairs must've distracted them from my men out fuckin' back because some of them come rushing into the house. The rest stay outside to guard the place.

" _Stop!_ " a voice yells out above us.

I gesture to my men to stop shooting.

"Yes?" I call out all smug as shit.

" _What do you want?_ "

"I am a gentleman and I will not negotiate by screaming through a goddamn wall. So why don't you come the fuck down here and we can talk face to face?"

" _There's only three of us left and two of us are shot._ "

"So? Throw 'em down the fuckin' stairs if they can't walk. I don't give a shit," I call back.

It's quiet for a few minutes before I hear back from them. " _Okay. We're coming down._ "

"Make sure you leave those fuckin' guns up there," I yell back.

All my men in the living room and in the dining room doorway on the other side train their guns to the goddamn staircase. Two hands emerge from the top first, then the rest of the arms.

"Nice and fuckin' slow," I direct at them.

The three of them, one bleeding from his right shoulder, one limping from a shot to the calf, come down the staircase and into the living room.

"On your knees, fuckers."

They comply and the uninjured one starts to beg. "We got shit upstairs. You can take it. Leave us be, let us be on our way. That's a good deal."

"Hmm." I scratch my chin like I'm considering it. "We're gonna take your shit."

The guys let out sighs of relief. "Oh, thank you. Thank-"

"Whoa there, cowboy! I wasn't finished. We're gonna take your shit. And that fuckin' includes those women you kidnapped. Now, stealing shit? That's pretty much the way of the land. I couldn't give two fucks if all that shit you got you stole. But kidnapping women?" I wiggle my finger in the air. "Tsk tsk tsk. _That_ , I give a ton of fucks about." I look to my men. "Don't waste any more bullets. Beat the fuck outta them."

My saviors descend on those fuckers, dealing out brutal deaths with their fists and the heel of their boots. I leave them to it to look for the fuckin' basement door with a couple of my guys. I enter the kitchen in the back of the house and see a door with a padlock on it.

"Break it," I command to anyone that can do it. Someone produces a crowbar and pries the bracket from the door.

We go down the stairs and before we can see anything, we hear fuckin' whimpers. We descend further and I can see that it's and unfinished, dirt floor cellar. And there are six naked, scared, beaten to shit women chained to the support poles.

As soon as they see us they start to move as far away from us as they can.

I hold my hands up and speak gently. "It's okay. Hilltop asked us to find you. Those fuckers upstairs are all dead."

"Hilltop?" one of the women repeats then starts to sob. "We're going home?"

"Yeah, sweetheart." I get closer to the women and lift up the chains around the poles. There are fuckin' handcuffs on the ends that are around the girls' wrists. "One of those psychos have a key?"

They nod.

I turn back to one of my guys. "Search them. And find some clothes."

"Th-Thank you, sir," one of the girls says quietly. She's fuckin' young. Probably not out of her fuckin' teens. It breaks my heart.

"I was told there were four of you," I say more like a question.

One of them, a tall dark haired middle aged woman answers, "They were here already." She looks to the three girls further away from me. "One of ours... She bit one of them and th-they killed her."

"Where are you ladies from?" I ask the other ones gently. All three of them are young. Younger than the ones from Hilltop. And skinnier.

The black one answers. "We had a small group not far from here." She clears her throat like it's dry. "They killed everyone else and brought us here."

"Shit," I whisper to myself. "I'm so fuckin' sorry there's filth like those fuckers in this world."

My guys come back in carrying some clothes and some bottles of water. I take the key from one of them and start to uncuff the girls.

"You girls are safe now. We're gonna take y'all back to Hilltop. Get you girls all patched up and fuckin' fed."

We get the women all situated and gut the house of useful shit then hit the road. By the time we get to Hilltop, it's almost morning. The hill-folk set us up in some fuckin' rooms and we sleep for the rest of the short night.

The next morning, we eat fuckin' good, then I meet with Gregory and Jesus to discuss our payment. And our future.

"We have everything we agreed to pay you waiting outside," Gregory informs me.

"Good," I start. "I lost two good men on this fuckin' mission, you know."

"Oh, uh. I'm sorry to hear that." This fucker can't even sound fuckin' genuine for one goddamn minute.

"Well. It's fuckin' shitty. But your women are back. And you have a few more."

"Oh, yes! We're very grateful."

I let out a huff. "This little mission was just a... get-to-know-you, of sorts. You _got_ to know us. Now we start our actual fuckin' relationship."

Gregory looks to Jesus and then back to me. "Wh-What do you have in mind?"

"I'm thinking that you lot are lucky as fuck that you're still here. Those men that killed your _best_ fighters, were goddamn dumbasses. If _they_ could get to you, then another group with the tiniest amount of fuckin' brain power could decimate your shit here."

Gregory holds his hands out like he's going to make a fuckin' point. "Now, we have a good setup-"

I put my hand up to silence him. "You have good fuckin' people. But good fuckin' people aren't necessarily good at fuckin' surviving. So here's my deal." I lean forward. "My men will patrol the area. Permanently. They will keep the dead from your gates and on the occasion that a group with more than two fuckin' brain cells to rub together comes sniffing around, my men will take care of that, too. And for this ongoing service I will be providing, you will pay us an ongoing fee."

Gregory looks back to Jesus again. "Uh... well."

Jesus steps forward now. Thank fuck. "That sounds like a good deal."

Gregory butts back in. "Now, Jesus. We can't go giving our goods away."

I jump up, grab Lucille from the seat beside me, and thrust her into Gregory's face. "I lost two of my men because you fucks can't handle your shit!" He instantly cowers back into his seat. "Two. good. men," I growl.

"Negan," Jesus says in that calm fuckin' voice of his. "A deal between our two groups can be made."

I slowly turn my head to Jesus and then sit back down, Lucille still in my fuckin' hands. "Alright. Just a portion of what you produce in a week. I'll start off on fuckin' faith with you here. What you think is fair for the service we're providing." I turn my head back to fuckin' Gregory. "Okay?"

"Y-Yes. Uh... That sounds good."

"Great," I deadpan. "Now, I'm gonna go mingle with you fine fuckin' people." I get up. "One week and I'll return for our little date." I go to the door but turn back around to Gregory. "And I don't put out for free."

I walk out of the building and instantly people are on me. The hill-folk are trying to shake my fuckin' hands, yelling "thank you" at me. What happened last night apparently made the rounds to everyone. I let them all crowd around me. Pat their shoulders and shit.

They finally get it out that they want us to stay to have a big fuckin' feast as a thank you to me. I agree because, _obviously_ , I'm gonna let them make a feast for me. Fuck yeah, I am! We can head the fuck home afterwards.

They all disperse to go back to their fuckin' jobs and I wander around a bit talking to random ass people about random ass things. Then Lisa, the fuckin' pregnant lady walks up to me with another woman.

"Well, shit! Look at you! That little shit being good to his momma?" I greet her.

She laughs. "He's still kickboxing up a storm! I wanted to introduce you to my sister, Dana." She gestures to the woman. She's a little on the short side. And fuckin' curvy, but all on the bottom. Olive skin and black curly hair. Already giving me 'fuck me' eyes.

My lips curve up into a slow smirk. "Well, hello there, Dana," I rasp. "It's nice as fuck to meet you."


	34. Chapter 34

Chuck turns over in the bed and can tell that Negan hadn't slept in it at all. She lets out a huff and looks at the time, just past 10am. She gets up, showers, dresses, eats breakfast, throws up breakfast all over herself, redresses, then finally sits down with her knitting. She does that for a while, thinking that Negan would come in at some point.

But he doesn't.

Chuck is so confused about what had happened the night before. Negan had acted like he wanted to say something to her, but he wouldn't get it out. Then when she told him that he could open up to her because they were friends, he left. And he seemed angry.

 _What did I do? I don't understand what I did that could make him angry enough to want to avoid me. Ugh._

 _Is it me or is it him? Did I mess up or is he going through something? Like... is he having second thoughts about me and the baby?_

Chuck tries to push all those thoughts out of her head and heads downstairs. She thinks that maybe she'll visit Carson. Or Amber. Or maybe she'll just wander around to try to keep herself occupied.

Heading down the hallway on the first floor, Chuck sees Simon talking to Dwight down the hall. She gives him a little wave and continues walking, not wanting to interrupt him.

"Hey, Chuck," Simon calls out after she passes him and walks down the hall.

Chuck turns around and walks back to him as he walks away from Dwight and towards her. "Hi."

Simon looks her up and down before he says anything else. "What are you doing down here?"

She shrugs. "I was bored." She doesn't think it would be a good idea to mention that she thinks Negan is avoiding her. "So what's on your plate today?"

"Well, I gotta run shit since Negan's off site."

Chuck's stomach drops. He didn't even tell her that he was leaving today. "Oh?" is all she can reply.

"Yeah." Simon looks a little confused. "He's off helping this community with something," he elaborates rather vaguely.

"Hilltop?"

Simon seems to relax a little."Yeah. Hilltop." Chuck figures he doesn't want to be responsible for telling her something that Negan doesn't want her to know.

"He found the women?"

"Uh." He shoves his hands in his pocket. "Maybe. We got word back that they found the guys. They're gonna watch them for a while before they take them down. And get the women out of there."

Chuck nods. "That's good."

Someone down the hall calls for Simon and he bids his farewell. Chuck continues on her way and gives a quick hello to Carson, but he's just as averse to small talk as ever. So on she goes. When she realizes that she's near the laundry room, she wonders if Amber is there. She walks in and looks around.

The room looks like a typical laundromat, but with only five sets of washers and dryers. And from what Chuck knows about how the laundry works, there are people that wash, dry, and fold the laundry. Then there are the people that deliver the laundry to everyone. It costs points to have clean clothes, so most of the laundry that goes through this place belongs to the saviors. And Negan and the wives, of course.

Chuck sees Amber at a large table folding clothes. "Hey, stranger!" she calls out.

Amber looks up and smiles wide. "Chuck!"

Chuck heads toward the table and starts to pick up a shirt. "Can I help?"

"Yeah! We're pretty laid back down here. No one will mind."

A middle aged woman brings over another hamper of clean clothes and sets them on the table. She looks Chuck up and down, taking in her dress. "So which one are you, then?" she directs at her, not sounding entirely mean. More matter of fact.

"Um. I'm Chuck."

"Oh. The, uh, newest one." She gives Chuck an almost sad look. Chuck knows that Negan told everyone about what happened with her and Brendon the same time he told them she was a wife. This woman must feel sorry for her because of that.

Amber butts in. "I've told them about how amazing the wives are. How people are wrong about the kind of people they are. And that they're all my friends. And I told them about you, too."

"Oh," Chuck responds a little nervously. "All good things, I hope."

The women all go back to work, conversing easily as they switch the loads and fold. Amber asks if she can take a break and the lady in charge lets her. She and Chuck head outside to sit at Chuck's picnic table under the warm late summer sun.

"So, how have you been, Amber? I haven't seen you in a while. You're so big now!" Chuck starts.

Amber runs her hand over her stomach. "Twenty eight weeks." She giggles. "I've been good. Me and Mark have been really good."

"I'm sorry I haven't been there for you."

Amber is quick to respond. "No. It's okay. With everything you went through... I know you needed some time."

Chuck wipes a tear from her eye before it can fall. "I feel like I abandoned you since I've been away from the infirmary."

"No, no. Don't think that. I still have Carson. And Kayla. And they brought in this new baby doctor from another community. He checked me all out. He's actually Dr. Carson's brother, if you can believe that."

"Oh yeah. I met him. He was really nice."

Amber looks confused for a second. "Why did _you_ meet him? If you haven't been in the infirmary."

Chuck can't think of a single way to answer that question that doesn't involve using the words "I'm pregnant" so she just stares at her for a few moments.

Amber's face goes from confused, to surprised, then back to confused in a matter of seconds. "Chuck!" she whispers loudly like she doesn't want anyone to hear, but can't stop herself from being excited. "You're not...?" She lets the words hang, but Chuck knows what she's asking.

Chuck can't help but smile and nod at her. "Don't tell anyone."

"Oh my god!" Amber squeals.

Chuck pats at the air in front of Amber. "Shh!"

"Sorry!" she yells again, then lowers her volume. "Sorry. It's just... Wow! It's Negan's, right?"

"Of course it's Negan's!"

"How far along are you?" she asks lowly.

"Ten weeks."

"Oh, wow. So you were pregnant when-"

Chuck interrupts her with a nod. "I didn't know it until the day after that."

"Is Negan... good with it?" Amber asks tentatively.

"He's really happy about it," Chuck answers, trying to push the thoughts that Negan is actively avoiding her away.

"I'm really glad. He always told us he never wanted us to get pregnant. But I guess you were always different."

Chuck shrugs and laughs a little nervously. "I guess."

"The first trimester kinda sucks, doesn't it?" Amber asks with a little chuckle.

"Yeah." Chuck giggles. "I actually threw up all over myself this morning."

Amber laughs. "Oh, I don't mis that!"

"Do you know the sex or are you being surprised?"

Amber puts her hands on her belly. "A girl. We're still thinking about names, though."

"You got some time"

"Do you have a little belly yet?" Amber asks with a huge smile.

"Just a little," Chuck answers with a chuckle. "I still want to be involved with your pregnancy, but I'm not sure how helpful I'll be when you go into labor. I might be huge myself," she jokes.

Amber's face suddenly gets serious. "Are you really happy, Chuck?"

She thinks for a moment. "Yeah. I am."

"Good. Because I think you're good for Negan. The workers talk about how he's changed for the better and I'm pretty sure it's because of you."

"Really?" Chuck doesn't really know what to say to that.

"I mean, we saw it a little bit upstairs, but apparently the workers saw an even bigger change with him. He seems happier, more focused... I don't know, that's what the workers say."

"Hmm. I'm not sure if I have that kind of sway, but if everyone here is happier with Negan, then I'm happier, too."

They chat for a little while longer then say their goodbyes. Chuck decides to go back upstairs to laze around, not really wanting to interact with anyone else. But being alone is causing her to overthink everything again. She figures she'll just wait for Negan to return and then apologize for whatever she did in hopes that it will fix everything.

After she eats dinner, she changes into her sleep clothes and curls up on the couch to watch a movie. She must have fallen asleep during it because she wakes up on the couch with a kink in her neck when the first morning sunlight streams through the window and hits her face. She looks to the bed and sees that it's empty and still made.

 _Negan didn't come back?_

 _Negan didn't come back._

 _Should I be worried that he's in trouble out there? I'm pretty sure Simon would tell me if that were the case. Or should I be worried that he just doesn't want to come back here because I'm here?_

Chuck lets out a sigh and gets into the bed to go back to sleep. When she wakes up later on, there is still no sign that Negan has been back.

"Whatever," she mutters to herself and gets up to have breakfast.

The whole rest of the day, she sticks to herself, staying in Negan's apartment or her own room across the hall. She goes to bed again in Negan's room by herself.

Sometime in the middle of the night, the closing of the bathroom door wakes Chuck up. She can hear the shower running and water splashing around in there. When the door opens, she sits up and turns to Negan.

"How did it go?" Chuck asks quietly.

"I'm tired as fuck," he responds curtly. "Just go back to sleep." He gets in the bed and turns away from her.

Chuck lays back down and tries to forget about Negan's dismissal so she can get back to sleep. But it's no use. When Negan starts to softly snore, she gets out of bed quietly and heads for her own room.

 _If Negan doesn't want me there then I won't cramp his style by being there._

Chuck curls up in her own blankets in her own room and goes back to sleep.

She wakes up with a start when her door bursts open some time later.

"What the fuck!" Negan yells from Chuck's doorway then slams the door shut.

Chuck looks around, trying to get her bearings. Sun shines through her window, telling her that it's morning. "What?" she rasps, still not fully awake.

"You can't just fuckin' disappear on me without telling me where you are? Why the fuck did you leave my room?" he growls.

"Negan, I don't want to do this, okay?" She lays back down and rubs at her face, hoping Negan will leave her alone. She doesn't want to talk with him if he's going to be irate.

"Oh? _You_ don't want to do this?" Negan chuckles humorlessly. "I don't give a shit. Fuckin' answer me."

This enrages Chuck and she jumps out of her bed. "Really, Negan? You made it abundantly clear that you don't care if I'm there or not, so I left!"

He laughs at her. "That's fuckin' rich."

"Excuse me?" she bites back with a sneer.

"Oh I'm so fuckin' sorry, _your highness_ , that I wasn't tending to your every _goddamn_ need because I had an actual _fuckin'_ job to do around here," he spits out sarcastically.

"What is your problem?" she yells back.

He puts his hand on his chest and leans toward her. "Me?" He leans back. "I don't have a goddamn problem."

This whole situation and Negan's attitude, and probably surging hormones, have Chuck spiraling into a rage. "You know what, Negan?" She points to her door. "Get out. Get out of my room!"

He leans into her aggressively, but pure rage has her holding her ground. "This is _my_ fuckin' room. On _my_ goddamn floor. In _my_ motherfuckin' building. You are in _no_ position to fuckin' order me around!"

She shoves at his chest to get him away from her. He straightens himself up, looks down at her, and laughs. This makes her see red and she slaps him across the face and shoves him back again. She pushes past him and out the door.

Chuck sees Sherry standing just outside her own room, which is the next one down the hall, looking in Chuck's direction. She must've heard the yelling. Chuck walks to her and straight into her room. Kayla, who is standing in the middle of Sherry's room, looks at her surprised.

Sherry closes the door behind them. "What's going on?"

"I don't know." Chuck hears Negan's office door slam down the hall. "I just..." Her rage starts to subside causing her to just be upset. "I don't even know!" She starts to sob.

Sherry hugs her and softly caresses her hair. "It's okay. Just calm down."

Kayla rubs Chuck's back. "Shh. I'm sure emotions are just high."

Chuck pulls away from Sherry and starts to pace. "He's just so... I don't know! He didn't even tell me he was going off site!" She sucks in a hiccuping breath. "And then he brushed me off! Like, does he not even want me here?"

"Hey." Kayla puts her hand on Chuck's back to still her motion. "Why don't you sit down?"

Chuck starts to hyperventilate. "Wh-Why did he-" The lack of oxygen makes her suddenly dizzy and she stumbles a little.

Sherry rushes over and helps Kayla get Chuck to the bed. "Okay, okay. You need to breathe slower, Chuck. Chuck?"

Chuck isn't listening. No matter how hard she tries to calm down, she continues to hyperventilate and hiccup.

"Chuck?!" Kayla grasps her face. "Listen to us. Breathe in. Come on."

Sherry lets out a huff. "This is bullshit. Negan needs to make this right." She turns to go out the door.

"No!" Chuck calls out. "Don't tell him."

Sherry doesn't listen to her and continues out the door.

— Negan POV —

After I slam my door, I stomp into my room and get dressed. As soon as I get my boots laced, Sherry comes flying into my room.

"Get the fuck out," I say immediately.

"What happened?" Sherry asks.

"None of your fucking business."

"What did you do?" She asks pointedly.

I laugh. "What did _I_ do?" I shake my head. _I_ didn't do a goddamn thing. She should be asking Chuck what _she_ fuckin' did. "She's just over-fucking-reacting."

Sherry lets out a breath through flared fuckin' nostrils. "Well, she's upset."

I throw on my jacket and turn back to her. "And why the fuck should I care about that? We're not _together_. We're not in a goddamn relationship. I'm just some fuckin' dick to her, so why should I give a shit if she's upset."

Sherry looks at me for a second. "Is that why you fought? Because she doesn't... want a relationship with you?"

"I don't have time for this shit." I push past her to my bedroom door.

"She's afraid."

I stop before I cross the doorway and turn around. "Of me?" I ask quietly. She has to know I would never raise my hands to her.

"Of loving you. I think. She hasn't said it outright, but she _has_ said that you would never love her. She really thinks that."

Shit. Is that really it? Would she love me if I just fuckin' told her that I love her? She might not. She might tell me to fuck off. Sherry might just be full of shit.

I don't know what to say to Sherry so I just stare at her for a second.

She lets out a sigh. "I better get back to her to try to get her calmed down."

"Is she really that upset?"

"She was hyperventilating pretty bad."

"Shit." I go out the door, headed for Sherry's room with her trailing behind me.

When I walk in, I see Chuck sitting on the floor with her back leaning against the bed and Kayla crouched beside her. Chuck is sobbing and hiccuping. And fuckin' shaking all over.

"Fuck. Come here." I sit down beside her and pull her into my lap. I wrap my arms around her and start to rub her back. "Come on, baby girl. Breathe with me. Focus on my breaths." I can feel that she's trying, but she's still fuckin' not breathing right. "Count my heartbeats, baby girl." I shift her so her ear is directly over my heart.

— —

Chuck tries to focus on Negan's breathing and heartbeat. It takes a while, but Chuck calms down and begins to breathe normally. But she feels so out of energy that she can barely move.

"You okay, baby girl?" Negan coos into her temple.

Chuck nods meekly.

"I'm taking her back to my room," he says to Sherry and Kayla, who have been standing by watching. He stands up and starts to carry her to the door.

"She needs rest, Negan." Kayla responds. "Whatever you fought about-"

"I'm gonna let her rest, Kayla. Jesus Christ."

Negan leaves and goes back into his room. He places Chuck on the bed and tucks her into the blankets. "Just get some sleep, sweetheart."

She falls asleep almost instantly.

When she wakes up some time later, the most delicious smell is swirling around her. She gets out of bed and heads for the kitchen toward the source. As soon as she steps in, she sees Negan pulling a pizza out of the oven and setting it on the counter.

She lets on an excited gasp. "Pizza!"

"Yeah. I made you pizza." He gives her a smile and starts to cut the slices.

"Oh my god. I'm so excited! I've been craving pizza so bad." She grabs a slice, not even bothering with a plate or sitting down.

"Watch out. It's fucking hot." He grabs a plate and hands it to her. "Hilltop makes the cheese. So I can make you pizza whenever you want."

She takes a bite. "Oooohh my god! I'm gonna actually cry."

Negan chuckles and watches her eat.

"The cheese is sooo good. And I love your sauce!"

He laughs. "I'm gonna let that one slide."

They finally sit down and Chuck stuffs herself with the pizza. Negan eats slowly, making sure that Chuck gets as much as she wants.

She finally pushes her plate away and leans back in her chair, pushing her slightly distended belly out. "Thank you for this, Negan."

"You're welcome," he responds with a slight smile.

Chuck looks at him then casts her gaze down. "I'm sorry. About everything. I think my hormones made me get angry with you and made us fight. I know that's not an excuse, but... I just want you to know that I'm really sorry."

He lets out a sigh. "Look, Chuck. Don't worry about it."

Tears start to well up in her eyes, but she blinks them back. "I hate fighting with you. And I don't want you mad at me."

"I'm not-" He runs his hand down his face. "I'm not mad at you, okay?"

Chuck nods.

"I don't want to see you get that fuckin' upset ever again, Chuck. Understand?"

She nods again. "Okay. It won't happen again."


	35. Chapter 35

Time passes, but Chuck and Negan's relationship is a little strained. At least it feels that way to Chuck. Negan still takes care of her, cooks for her, helps her when she's feeling nauseous. But he's been distant, spending more time away from Chuck and making frequent trips to the new community, Hilltop.

Not that Chuck hears that from Negan. She gets most of her info from Simon these days.

It's been hard for Chuck, but she tries to work through it by herself. She is too embarrassed to talk to the wives about it. Admitting that Negan doesn't want her anymore would be mortifying. And she feels herself slipping back into old patterns of self doubt.

 _He realized I'm not good enough for him. That's the only explanation. He doesn't even want to be my friend anymore because I'm not good enough for him._

No matter how distant Negan is with Chuck, he still gets excited about the baby. Whenever he comes home, he kneels down, kisses Chuck's belly, and greets the baby. Chuck, not so much.

They also start to bicker about dumb things, which they've never done before. Chuck knows she's partly to blame. Silly things will set her off and no matter how much she tries to keep it in, she lashes out. She blames the baby hormones.

Negan, most of the time, just leaves when Chuck gets angry. Like it's not even worth his time to deal with. This usually results in Chuck becoming upset and overthinking what had just happened, sending her spiraling into anxiety and self hate.

One day, they're eating dinner and it leads to an argument for some reason. Instead of continuing on with the discussion, Negan leaves in the middle of Chuck's sentence to go into his room, which makes Chuck even angrier.

"Don't walk away from me, Negan. You can't just walk away!" She jumps up from the table and follows him.

"Yes I most certainly motherfuckin' can!" He sits down on his couch and takes his boots off.

"God, Negan! You can be such a dick!"

"Yup! That's me." He stands from the couch. "Fuckin' dickhole extraordinaire!" he yells sarcastically.

Chuck groans in frustration. "You know what? Whatever! I don't have to be here!"

"Don't you fucking leave this room," he growls out.

"What do you care? You always ignore me! That is, when you're actually here. You go to Hilltop twice a week to do god knows what!"

"What if I'm fucking a woman there. How would that make you feel?" he says coldly.

Chuck knows it shouldn't bother her. As a matter of fact, now that she's thinking about it, she's certain he's been sleeping with someone there. But him saying it so harshly to her _does_ cause a pain to bloom in her chest. Not that she's going to admit that.

She scoffs. "I expect you to sleep with any woman that is willing." Especially since _they_ haven't been intimate in a while.

His face scrunches up into a grimace. "Oh, is that fucking so?"

"Well, yeah," she shrugs dismissively. "That's how you've always been. Why would you stop now?"

He stares at her as he huffs out breaths. "That's how I've always been? It's who I am, right?" he spits her own words back at her. "It's who I _fucking_ am!"

"Isn't it?!"

"Goddamnit, Lucille! Will you just-" He stops himself and stares at her with surprised eyes.

Chuck stares right back. He called her Lucille. And it snaps Chuck right out of her rage.

"Fuck." He looks to the ceiling and scrubs his hands down his face. "You get me so fuckin' flustered sometimes!"

"I'm sorry," Chuck says quietly. "It's okay." She tries to brush it off, but actually it breaks her heart a little to hear him call her Lucille. That's her biggest fear. That Negan is only keeping her around because of her resemblance to his former wife. "I'm just tired. I'm gonna go to bed."

After that, things get even worse for Chuck. Not only does she miss Negan's companionship, but she is feels like everything that has happened is her fault. She finds herself crying a few times a day everyday, always keeping it from Negan.

As she gets into the beginning of her second trimester, Negan is still very excited about the baby. When he and Chuck sleep, he always has his hand on her belly. But it's not like how it used to be, though. It's not like he's holding Chuck. He's just holding the baby.

One night, Chuck slinks out of bed, trying not to wake Negan as she heads for the bathroom to empty her full bladder. After she washes her hands, she looks into the mirror at her reflection staring back at her. For some reason, she is overcome with emotion.

Chuck sits on the floor, back pressed up against the counter and starts to sob. She cradles her head in her hands, trying to be quiet. But she must not be quiet enough.

The door opens and Negan immediately rushes to her. "What's wrong?" he blurts out and instantly crouches beside her, looking her over to check for a cause to her state.

"N-Nothing. The baby's fine." Chuck stands up with Negan's help. "I'll just go to my room so you don't have to deal with me."

"What?" he spits back.

"You said you didn't want to _see_ me upset, so I'll go." Chuck leaves the bathroom and starts to walk through the room.

Negan grabs her gently by the arm and turns her around. "Has this shit been a regular fuckin' occurrence?" He gestures to her tear soaked cheeks.

Chuck shrugs meekly.

"Goddamnit, Chuck! I didn't mean hide this shit from me. I meant that I don't want you to _be_ upset!"

She starts to cry again. "I'm sorry."

"Jesus Christ." He wraps his arms around her. "Why are you crying?"

She shrugs in his arms.

"No. Fuckin' tell me."

She doesn't want to. She already feels stupid and admitting that she's upset about him not wanting her there anymore will make her feel even worse.

"Baby hormones," she lies.

"Is that it?"

She nods.

He pulls back from her. "You're lying to me. Why are you fucking lying to me?" he growls.

"Why aren't we friends anymore?" she chokes out suddenly.

He closes his eyes and drops his head, scrubbing his hand down his face. He looks back up and nods slowly while he sucks on his teeth with a frown.

Chuck sees that he is angry. "What did I do? Why are you so angry at me all the time?"

He turns and walks away from her, starting to pace.

"I-I don't understand. I apologized. I apologize every time I blow up. I can't help it anymore. My mood swings- I try..."

He continues to pace, not saying a word.

"Do you want me to move back downstairs?" she asks with tears streaming down her face.

"No," he answers immediately. "Goddamnit, Chuck!"

"I don't understand! Please, Negan. Just tell me what I did."

He spins around to her and blurts out, "Why don't you love me?!"

She's gobsmacked for a moment, just staring at Negan's face as he huffs out breaths. Finally, she speaks. "I _do_ love-"

He cuts her off. "Not like a fuckin' friend or _best_ friend or fuckin' family. Why don't you _love_ me? The same way I love you?"

She looks at his face confused. "You love me?"

"Don't give me that bullshit excuse that you don't think I'll love you. Everyone can see that I love you. The fuckin' wives know. Simon knows."

"I didn't-"

"I'm always touching you. Kissing you. Hugging you. _Showing_ you that I love you! And you _never_ do that shit to me! Unless we're fucking!"

Chuck thinks about it and he's right. She's never been comfortable with initiating affection. "I'm sor-"

He huffs out a breath and outstretches his arms. "Just give me an actual goddamn reason why you don't love me."

Chuck blinks rapidly trying to process everything Negan is saying. "But-" She brings her hands up to her face and wipes her cheeks. "I'm not graceful."

"What?" Negan spits back with his eyebrows furrowed.

"You said you fell in love with Lucille when you saw her dance. You loved how graceful she was." She truly is trying to make sense of this situation, but can't wrap her head around it.

Negan's face softens. "Holy shit, Sherry was right," he says under his breath. "That's not the _only_ reason I loved Lucille. I loved everything about her. Even the shit I didn't like, I loved because it was all her."

"But- You said it stopped your heart when she danced. I'm not like that. I can't-"

Negan comes forward and cups her cheeks. "Look." He sighs. "Lucille couldn't carry a tune to save her fuckin' life. She sounded like a goddamn dying cat when she sang."

Chuck looks at him confused, not knowing where he is going with this.

"Every time I hear you sing my heart skips a beat. Every. damn. time."

Chuck finally smiles softly at him. "Really?"

"You're not Lucille. And she's not you." He caresses her cheek with his thumb. "I didn't mean to fall in love with Lucille all those years ago. And I sure as fuck didn't mean to fall in love with you now. But it happened. I loved everything that Lucille was. And I love everything that you are. That's the goddamn truth."

Chuck giggles slightly and a tear falls down her cheek.

He casts his gaze downward. "If you don't want me because you don't want me, just fuckin' tell me. I'll get over it eventually. Even though I've been a fuckin' prick, I guess. I realize that now." He looks back up to her. "But don't say no to me because you're scared. Please. Please, Chuck. Give me a chance."

"The others?" is all she can say. If she is going to actually give him her heart, then she can't be one of many.

"I haven't fucked anyone since we found out you were pregnant. I fuckin' swear." He looks away momentarily and then back to her. "There was a woman at Hilltop. She threw herself at me. Really..." he shakes his head, "really just fuckin' _threw_ herself at me. And I was gonna fuck her." He clears his throat, "I was so fuckin' pissed at you for not loving me and I thought..."

Chuck scrunches up her face.

He clears his throat again. "But I couldn't fuckin' do it. I thought she would get my mind off of you, but the second I stepped into her room all I could fuckin' think about was you. And how she _wasn't_ you." He lets out a sigh and wipes his eyes. "It made me feel like utter fuckin' shit because I was there with her. And when I got back, I took it out on you because I thought... if I blamed you then I wouldn't see that it's my own damn fault that you think I'm not a man you can love."

She looks into his eyes and sees that they are welling up with tears. "Negan..."

"Fuck." He scrubs his hands down his face and turns away from her like he doesn't want her to see him.

"You _are_ a man I can love," she says to him while he's still faced away from her. "I can feel it. I know I could fall in love with you so easily if I let myself. But I never let myself fall because I didn't think you would love me back. I thought it would hurt too much to see you choose someone else over me."

Negan turns back around and grasps her hand in his own.

She wipes his cheek of a tear. "I've always been alone and the thought of being with someone else... _giving_ myself to someone that might not really want me is terrifying. But," she puts her hand on her stomach, "I'll never be alone now. It's always gonna be me and this little one for the rest of my life. And.. I want it to be _us_ and this little one."

He puts his hand on her stomach, too.

"I had no idea you thought this way," she states quietly. "I'm so bad at this. With people... and relationships," she places her hand atop his on her stomach. "I didn't know I hurt you. I hate that I did." After a moment, she moves forward slowly and places her lips onto his sweetly. It makes a blush creep up her face.

They pull back from each other and Negan looks down at her with a soft smile. "I want to do this with you," he whispers and places his forehead to hers.

She tentatively brings her hand up to lightly cup his jaw. "I... I want to do this with you, too."

He places his hands on either side of her face and leans in to kiss her. It's slow and passionate. And it fills Chuck with an emotion that she has never experienced before.

Negan takes her hand and leads her back to the bed. They undress each other slowly, worshiping one another's bodies as they lay on the bed.

The sex is different. Or rather it's different for Chuck. She realizes that the slow, sweet, loving way Negan is touching her, kissing her, pushing into her is nothing that she hasn't already experienced with him. But the way it's making her _feel_ is different. It's not just about the physical sensations he's eliciting from her, but the way that she feels so connected to him. Like they fit together perfectly. Like they were made for each other.

They stare into each other's eyes as they cling to one another, climaxing together so easily.

Chuck pushes back Negan's messy hair as he hovers above her, his face mere inches away from hers. "I missed you," she whispers.

Negan brings his head down to her chest and cuddles into her, his ear over her heart. "I missed you, too."

She cradles his head in her arms and kisses into his hair as he hugs her tightly. They both fall asleep, content in each other's arms.

— Negan POV —

I'm still in bed with Chuck when my goddamn radio goes off. I've been awake for an hour or so, but I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to leave her.

These past few weeks have been fuckin' hard for me. And I know it's partially my fuckin' fault. If I hadn't been such a goddamn pussy and just told Chuck I loved her, none of that shit woulda happened. She would've come to the realization that she wanted to be with me and we woulda been right as fuckin' rain this whole time.

I didn't fuckin' think that Chuck was completely blind to how I felt about her. How the fuck could I know that? It seemed pretty obvious! I thought she knew and she was saying that "just friends" shit on purpose to tell me that it wasn't gonna happen between me and her.

If I had just fuckin' _told_ her how I felt.

Or asked her how she felt...

It doesn't matter now. Cuz she's sleeping in my arms again. And she _wants_ me.

" _Sir? We have a situation._ "

Chuck stirs in my arms. Fuckin' radio.

"It's okay, baby girl. Go back to sleep." I shuffle out from underneath her and take the radio into my office. "What the fuck is it?" I bark into it.

" _It's the satellite outpost, sir. That Jesus guy is there with some other people. They want to talk to you._ "

"Motherfucker," I grumble under my breath. I _do not_ want to go off site today. Especially after what happened just a few fuckin' hours ago with Chuck. "Can't Simon fuckin' do it?" I ask into the radio.

" _They specifically asked for you. Said it was important._ "

I scratch at my jaw and put the radio to my mouth. "Fine. I'll be on the road in half an hour."

I go back into my room and lean over Chuck. "Baby girl?" I try to wake her up gently. She opens those big green eyes at me and smiles. Fuck, I don't want to leave her. "I gotta go to the satellite outpost. I don't know what the fuck is going on out there, but I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Okay, Negan," she says in that sweet fuckin' voice she gets when she's sleepy. I give her a kiss on the lips and one on the belly. "Daddy'll be back later, baby. Be good to mommy," I whisper to her stomach.

I get dressed and fuckin' head out. Whatever this shit is out at the satellite outpost, it better be fuckin' important. Or someone's getting my boot up their ass.

We pull in and I go to the room we have set up for meetings. One of my guys stops me before I go in and says that the newcomers were all patted down and fuckin' stripped of weapons. Which is fuckin' good, I guess.

I walk into the room and I see my men standing along the fuckin' walls of the room keeping watch. And there are ten people that I've never laid my goddamn eyes on sitting around my fuckin' table. Plus Jesus. I walk through the room and sit my ass down at the head of the table. I set Lucille down directly in front of me so all these motherfuckers can see her.

I turn my head to my left to speak to Jesus. "What the fuck is this?"

Jesus looks to the guy directly across from him, who is on my right, then looks back at me. "These people aren't bad people," he pretty much blurts out. Which is a fuckin' weird ass way to start a conversation.

I look at the people. Five men, five women. Fairly clean. I'm assuming the dude on my right is the fuckin' leader.

"Now, Jesus," I start, "we've cultivated a pretty fuckin' good relationship between our groups over these last few weeks. My men have made your entire area safe as fuck. Not to mention that they've escorted your people's scavenging missions, making sure you guys bring in some extra shit that you lot fuckin' need. _And_ , your people are always happy as fuck to see my people. It's all hunky dory and shit. So. _Again_. I ask. What the fuck is this?"

Jesus looks at me with those piercing ass fuckin' eyes of his. "These people are from a settlement called Alexandria. Rick," Jesus gestures to the guy on my right, "is the leader. I found him and Daryl," he gestures to the guy on Rick's right, "over a week ago. I brought them to Gregory in hopes that we could build something like a trade agreement between our groups. Much like we have with you."

I listen to him with my elbows rested on the table and my fingers interlaced in front of my mouth. I can see that Jesus, and these new fuckers are starting to look nervous as fuck. "...And?"

"They're not bad people-"

"So you've said," I cut him off. "Just get to whatever shit you don't want to tell me." I'm wasting my goddamn day on this?

"Gregory," is all Jesus says.

I throw him a confused look, but Rick jumps in to elaborate. "A few days after we met Gregory, he sent a man to Alexandria and requested a meeting with us." His accent is definitely not from Virginia. He's got more of a southern twang going on. Georgia, maybe? He's probably about my age, maybe younger. Slicked back hair and a beard with some grey in it. Kinda sweaty.

Jesus cuts in. "I didn't know Gregory did that. I was on that scavenging run, so I was gone for a few days. I just got back yesterday."

My fuckin' men went with him, so I know he was gone.

Rick starts back up. "Gregory told us about you." He lets out a heavy sigh. "But... He told us that you were taking goods from them. Extorting them."

I sneer at that. Because that's not fuckin' true. He _pays_ us for services fuckin' rendered. I don't extort shit.

Rick continues. "He told us that you killed their people and kidnapped some of their women."

I practically growl at that. I suck on my teeth as I try not to freak the fuck out. But I let him continue.

"Gregory wanted us to take you all out," Rick says all matter of fact. Like he's _not_ telling me that he was sent here to kill me and my men. "He said he'd give us food and medicine if we did. We need that food. So we agreed."

I look at Rick. "So you're gonna take me out now?" My men instantly all point their guns at Rick and his fuckin' group.

Jesus holds his hands up. "Wait! I stopped them. I figured out that Gregory was up to something and I stopped them on their way here. They know they were lied to. I told them who you really are."

"We thought y'all were monsters," the scruffy looking dude next to Rick spits out. What'd Jesus say his name was? Daryl?

I signal my men to back off. "I guess I can't fuckin' fault that. Because I killed the fuck outta the people that actually _did_ do all that shit Gregory accused me of." Though I was smart enough to do some fuckin' recon first.

Jesus lets out a sigh of relief. "Gregory thought this was your entire community. That's what he told them." He points to Rick. "That's why they were coming here. We didn't know this was an outpost until your men told us."

I turn to Rick. "I'm fuckin' curious, Rick, what was your plan here? How exactly were you gonna take me out?"

He looks around kinda nervously. "Quietly. We were gonna take your guards out with the silencers, come in, and get as many as we could in their sleep."

I scratch at my cheek. "Fuck," I say lowly. "That's fuckin' cold. Is that really the kinda pricks you are?" I play it up like I'm fuckin' offended. But that was exactly my play when I killed those goddamn barbarians. It's a good play. If you're not a dumbass.

"Gregory," Jesus pauses, "he has a problem with power. Namely that he's losing it. He was never a good leader, but when you came in, our people saw what kind of leader you are. And they respect you. I think he's afraid of you taking over."

"I'm not gonna lie, I fuckin' hate Gregory. Pretty much since the first second I met the fucker. And I _am_ going to take over. Now. That fuck came for me and my men. Well, he's not gonna live that shit down. And I sure as fuck am not gonna let him continue to 'lead' your group." I use finger quotes so they know what the fuck I mean.

Jesus nods slowly. "Gregory's not good for Hilltop."

I shift in my chair and lean forward. "Here's what's gonna happen. First, you guys," I direct at Rick's group, "are gonna thank Jesus for saving your fuckin' lives. Because if he wouldn't have stopped you from killing my men, then nothing would've stopped me from killing you. Second, I want to get to know you guys a little better. Really fuckin' introduce yourselves to me. Because all of us are gonna be in a little ménage a trois for the foreseeable future. Then, finally, we are all gonna head to fuckin' Hilltop and deal with Gregory."

They all look around to each other fuckin' confused.

I lean back in my chair. "Well?" I gesture from Rick to Jesus.

"You actually want us to thank him?" I young Latina at the end of the table spits out.

"Oh, honey. I don't say shit I don't mean."

She narrows her eyes at me so I give her a wink.

"Rosita," the black woman with the dreads sitting next to Daryl gives the Latina a look. She turns her head to Rick and shares a silent conversation with him.

Rick lets out a huff. "Thank you, Jesus."

Goddamn, I have to stop myself from laughing out loud. The urge is even stronger when I see the look on Rick's face. He is hating this shit. But he fuckin' deserves it because he was gonna kill a bunch of innocent fuckin' people on flimsy ass pretenses.

"There we go. That wasn't so fuckin' hard. Now," I clap my hands once, "why don't y'all tell me a little about yourselves? Starting with who the fuck you are." I'm assuming this group, since Rick is the leader and all, is Alexandria's A-team, so I want to know who the fuck I'm gonna be dealing with in the future.

They go around the table. Rick and Daryl, numbers one and two, are on my right. Michonne, the dredded woman, is next. Glenn the Asian guy, and Maggie the southern belle round out that side. Rosita, the resting bitch face Latina, is at the end. Beside her is Sasha, then Abraham, the biggest fuckin' ginger I ever did see. Carol with the short grey hair is next to him. Aaron is the last of the new faces, sitting directly to Jesus's left.

They tell me about their community, Alexandria. It was built as a 'partially off the grid' gated community before shit hit the fan and apparently, it's not that much different now. They got running water, electricity, and they tell me they can hold their own. They went through some shit with a monster herd and then some crazies called The Wolves fucked their shit up, I guess, but they're still standing. Albeit, a little light on food and some members less, but they're still here.

"Alright," I start, "I guess it's my turn. I'm Negan. And this is Lucille," I pick her up a little then put her back down, "and these guys are my saviors," I hold my hands out to my men. "This here building we're in? It is not my Sanctuary. It is not my base. It's a goddamn _outpost_. One of many. I got a fuck ton of men spread out all over this land. And I do. not. live here. So when Gregory sent you here to kill my ass, he was sorely mistaken. And if you lot had done some fuckin' research, you woulda seen that Gregory was a lying fuck who didn't know shit!"

They all look a little apologetic, as they fuckin' should. They fucked up, going off half cocked with no information to corroborate Gregory's fuckin claims. But, for whatever goddamn reasons, which I'm thinking rest mainly with the fact that they're panicking over low food stores, they thought they could take me the fuck out and get the shit they need from Gregory.

"So now," I continue, "Hilltop is mine. It is officially a colony of The Sanctuary. And, Jesus, you will be my go between. You will rule in my fuckin' stead, as it were. Our arrangement will be mostly unchanged, for the time fuckin' being. I provide protection, you provide the goods. Though, now that the hill-folk are _my_ folk, I will not leave them out to dry. If you find yourselves in trouble, I will be there to help fuckin' solve it. Just like with my home. Just like with my outposts. And I don't anticipate any blowback from the hill-folk. They love the shit outta me." They really do. All the time I've been spending at Hilltop has been for this exact reason. To get those farming fucks to see me as a great leader. A leader they would prefer over fuckin' Gregory. And he played right into my fuckin' hand with this shit.

"As for you guys," I turn to face Rick, "I'm no fuckin' charity. You low on food, you need shit, you're gonna have to earn it. With goods or fuckin' services. But we can bang out the details for that later. Right now, we gotta deal with fuckin' Gregory.

"What are you going to do to him?" Sasha asks.

"I'm not gonna do shit. Yet, anyway. I'm gonna let the hill-folk decide. And then, I'm gonna carry out that decision. Fuckin' service." I fuckin' hope they say they want him dead, because _I_ want him fuckin' dead. But if I just come out and kill the fucker, it might turn those people off of me. And this relationship shit is too new with them.

We all head off to Hilltop. And I'm fuckin' excited. I can't wait to see the look on Gregory's face when he realizes he's fucked.

We pull in and the guy at the gate opens up for us. We park and start to get out. All the hill-folk around me greet me and my men like they always do. I'm sure that the vast majority of people here have no idea what Gregory fuckin' did. Because they know that their relationship with me is fuckin' beneficial.

I see Gregory rush out of the house and it looks like he's already shit in his pants.

"Gregory!" I call out. "Just the fuckin' man I'm here for!"

He looks behind me to Rick and his crew. "Uh, l-let me explain, Negan."

"Oh I will. Gather 'round, folks!" I call out and the hill-folk come forward and circle around all of us. When almost everyone is in earshot, I continue. "So explain to your people who the fuck these people are." I gesture to Rick behind me.

"Isn't this a conversation better suited for my office?" Gregory whines.

"No we're doing this in front of your people. They have the right to fuckin' know what their leader did."

"U-Um... Well..." he stalls.

" _Today_ , Gregory."

"Uh... Those people..." he looks around to the hill-folk, "They, uh..." Then he points at me, seemingly finding some semblance of a pair of balls. "Can't you see that he's stealing from us? We were fine before him! We don't need his protection! But now we have to give him the things that we work hard to produce!"

" _We_ work hard to produce," one of the hill-folk interjects. " _You_ don't do anything, Gregory!"

"That's not true! I built this place! This place wouldn't be here without me!"

This is going fuckin' great! I love it!

"Who are those people?!"

"Yeah! Answer Negan!"

"Why are they here!?"

Everyone starts to fuckin' yell at Gregory.

I hold my hand up and they all get quiet. "I'm giving you a chance to explain your fuckin' actions to your people in your own goddamn words. I'd take that chance if I was you."

He looks around again. "I tasked these people to stop Negan and his group from taking any more of our goods. I did this for you! All of you!"

"Don't fuckin' sugar coat it, Gregs. You _tasked_ these people with fucking _killing_ me and my men. And they would've done it, or _tried_ it at least, if Jesus hadn't stopped them."

There are a bunch of gasps.

"No!"

"Negan helps us!"

"Why?"

"He saved our girls!"

"He does more for us than you!"

I have to stop myself from grinning ear to ear.

"Corey and Trent saw where he lives!" Gregory continues. Even though he's already fucked. "It's small. They-They don't have any crops! They _need_ our food. They need us more than we need them! He's _using_ us!"

"I'm gonna fuckin' stop you right there. Get those fuckin' co-conspirators up here. Why don't you stand next to the lame ass horse you hitched your damn wagon to." As the crowd finds the guys and pushes them to the front, I continue. "That place you saw... That place you sent people to fucking kill me is an _outpost_. As in, a place _outside_ of my home base. And I have several of them. Because I _lead_ a _fuck ton_ of people. And those people, _my_ people, don't need _shit_ from you. It's nice, I'm not gonna lie. The shit we get from you fuckin' great. Like icing on the cake. But my people aren't starving. My people have medicine. And my people certainly don't go out and ask strangers to solve their goddamn problems. Because I take care of my own shit. Unlike you."

I raise my arms to speak to the crowd. "So. You've heard his case. Heard that he went behind your backs to do something incredibly fuckin' stupid. And, even though I'm fuckin' livid about it and would love to enact my own punishment," I shoot Gregory a look and point at him with Lucille. He about pisses his pants, "he is _your_ leader, so I leave y'all to come up with the punishment."

"W-Wait-" Gregory starts but I don't let him finish.

"Nope. The time for pleading is over. Shut your fuckin' mouth and let your people, well, _former_ people, decide your fate."

After some discussion, the crowd comes up with their punishment. Which sadly isn't death by Lucille. They want him and his men banished. Which is boring as fuck, but... whatever.

I turn to some of my men. "Take these fuckers out far and leave 'em somewhere. Separately. Put bags over their heads so they don't find their way back."

My men start to drag those sorry ass motherfuckers away.

I address the hill-folk again. "I like you people. I really do. So since you've found yourself leader-less, I will step up to the plate." I look around and see that people seem on board. Fuck yeah. "Hilltop is officially a colony of The Sanctuary. And Jesus here will be your governor. You will be free to continue your lives here as you have been, but you will be under the full protection of The Sanctuary. Some of my men will take up permanent residence here just to make sure you guys are fuckin' safe." And I want to keep tabs, especially from Rick.

That guy... I can see him wanting to swoop in and put one of his people in charge. Control these resources. But that's not gonna happen. _I'm_ head dick in this area. These people are mine.

" _Are_ we safe?" one of the Hilltop women asks as she looks nervously at Rick's people.

"I will never let anything happen to you people here. Because you're _my_ people. And I keep my people alive." I look back to Rick for a second. "Me and them, we're gonna work shit out. So you guys have nothing to worry about."

Jesus butts in. "We can work with these people. I've seen their community. They aren't bad people. They were just lied to by Gregory and made a mistake. They thought they were doing the right thing."

The hill-folk still seem fuckin' wary, but that'll probably pass. Though, I don't really give a shit either way. Eventually, they all go back to work, since all the excitement is fuckin' over.

"So," I turn back to Rick, "we're gonna have to have a little sit-down and some point, me and you."

"Yeah," Rick agrees, but doesn't look too fuckin' happy about it. "A trade agreement with your group is a good idea."

"Seems like it. Especially for you," I gibe. "Why don't we let it rest a few days. Give us both a chance to really fuckin' think about what we can put out on the table."

As the Alexandrians start to leave, I look up to the sky to see some grey clouds. "It's looking dark over Will's mum's," I mumble to myself.

One of the Alexandrians who is still walking close to me, Aaron?, turns around and gives me a fuckin' weird ass look. "What did you say?"

I chuckle. "It's looking dark over Will's mum's. It's just a weird fuckin' saying someone back home says when there's rain clouds," I answer.

He looks at me for a second before he continues. "This is a long shot, but... the person that says that... It's not a woman named Diane Langdon, is it?"

Holy shit. That's Chuck's mom. This guy knew Chuck's mom.

I have no idea what I did with my face, but Aaron took it as confirmation. "It is, isn't it?! That's my sister! She's alive?!"

"No, it's not her," I'm quick to answer. She's not alive. Chuck told me so. And I don't want to give this poor fucker hope. "Diane's dead. I heard that saying from her daughter."

He lets out this excited cry. "Chucky's alive?! Oh my god!"

By this time, the other Alexandrians have turned back around and are coming our way.

"What's going on here?" Rick asks.

"My niece is at Negan's community," Aaron answers all excitedly. "I need to see her."

"Aaron," Maggie jumps in and looks at me all suspiciously. Jesus fuck. _I'm_ not the one that was gonna kill them all in their sleep! "I think you should come back with us."

"No. I can't- She's my family! I thought she was dead!"

"He can come back with me. I promise I'll return him safe and fuckin' sound."

They all accept it and we all leave, the Alexandrians parting ways with fuckin' Aaron as he heads home with me.

Shit, I cannot wait to see the look on my girl's face when she sees the surprise I'm bringing her.


	36. Chapter 36

Chuck is sitting on her own bed, listening to music, and knitting her blanket. All the while, she's thinking over what happened last night. The fight with Negan, Negan telling her that he loves her, being intimate for the first time in a while. She smiles.

Negan actually loves her.

She had been so caught up in thinking that true happiness was something that would never come to her that she missed his feelings for her completely. And nearly ruined everything.

She thinks about how her actions must have seemed to Negan. Having someone you love tell you that they don't love you...

 _God. No wonder Negan was upset. That was the very thing I was afraid of. And I put that on Negan. I feel terrible about that._

 _But I can make it right. Because I do love him. I've known that the feelings I've had for him are different than I've felt for anyone else in my life. But I just didn't allow my feelings to go that extra step forward. That's changed now. And I intend on showing him._

Chuck's door opens and Negan walks in. She feels her cheeks blush uncontrollably, which catches her off guard. It's not like she doesn't blush at all around Negan anymore, but it's usually only when he's teasing her. Or they're in bed together. His mere presence has never caused her to blush.

"Hey, baby girl." He looks at her face. "You hot or something?" He comes forward and puts his hand on her forehead then moves to her cheek.

She giggles uncontrollably. "No. I'm fine."

He narrows his eyes at her. "What?"

She slaps his hand away, continuing to giggle. "Stop teasing me!"

He laughs. "I didn't even say anything! What's fuckin' up with you?"

"I don't know! Shut up!"

"Are you-" he narrows his eyes again then laughs. "You're acting like- Do you have a fuckin' crush on me now? Is this you with a crush?" He gestures to her.

"No!" she answers quickly, even though she knows that's probably what's going on. She hadn't gotten a lot of crushes in her life, but when she did, she was always reduced to a blushing giggly mess when around the guy. And the way her feelings for Negan have shifted apparently has her body showcasing all those embarrassing little quirks of having a crush.

"Holy shit! You got a crush on me, little girl!" He laughs again.

"Stop! Shut up! Stop teasing! You suck!" She slaps at his chest then brings her hands up to cover her red cheeks.

He lets out a low laugh, almost a growl. "As much as I would fuckin' love to explore this further, I got a surprise for you down on the second floor."

Chuck clears her throat and tries to get the blood to drain from her face. "Surprise? Do I need to change?" She's not in her wife uniform. She's wearing black leggings (her regular jeans had to be retired because of her expanding belly) and a rather baggy graphic T-shirt with Deadpool on the front.

Negan looks at her clothes. "Nah. You'll be with me so you'll be fuckin' fine."

They head down to the second floor and to Negan's meeting room. He pauses outside the entrance and gives her one last smirk before opening the door.

Chuck walks in and sees two men in the room, Simon and another man that she instantly recognizes as her uncle Aaron. Even though she hasn't seen him for a few years, he looks exactly the same. Curly brown hair only a little longer than he used to wear it. Neat beard on his face just like when would grow it out before because he "got sick of shaving".

Aaron turns his head to look at her and jumps up to rush over to her. "Chucky!" he cries as he hugs her tightly.

"Uncle Aaron!" She starts to sob immediately.

His own tears start to flow. "I thought you were dead."

"I thought I'd never see you again."

They hold each other and cry for a few moments until Aaron pulls away. He puts his hand on her stomach and looks up to her with a wide smile and tear stained cheeks. Her belly isn't exactly noticeable, but Chuck's sure he could feel it while he hugged her.

Chuck nods, answering his silent question.

"Oh my god! I'm so happy!" He lets out a laugh. "You're alive! And there's a baby!"

Chuck giggles, but her face falls after a moment. She knows that Aaron needs to know about her mother and she doesn't want to make him wait. "Mom's gone."

He looks down and a tear falls from his eyes. "You were with her?"

Chuck shakes her head. "I found her at the house. Someone had killed her." She lets out a sob then regains her composure to continue. "She was shot in the head, so at least she didn't turn. The house was trashed. They must've killed her for food."

"Shit," Negan says under his breath. Chuck never told him any of those details, so this is the first he is hearing it.

"I buried her in the backyard."

"Oh, god, Chucky. I'm so sorry." Aaron wipes his face. "I tried to get there as fast as I could. When I got there... It must've been after you had already been there. I thought maybe she was with you somewhere. I hoped."

They both start to sob again as they hug each other.

Negan lets them take their moment before he speaks again. "Why don't you guys sit down and catch up?"

They both sit down beside each other, with Negan sitting opposite them on the other side of the table with Lucille right in front of him. Chuck and Aaron both calm down and start to talk.

"Eric?" Chuck asks tentatively. He had been Aaron's husband before, but she doesn't know if he made it

"He's good! We're living together at this settlement called Alexandria."

"That's great! I'm so happy he's okay!"

"Yeah. We got there pretty quickly after the start of all this. We've been living pretty good. What about you?"

Her face falls. "I've had ups and downs," she answers vaguely.

Aaron lets out a sigh. "I'm so sorry, sweetie. I looked for you..."

"It's okay," she laughs to brush it off. "I'm just so happy you're here now." She wipes her eyes. "How is it at Alexandria?"

"It's really good. It's safe. We have good people." He flicks his eyes to Negan for a second. "We have power and water. We have a real community."

"That's amazing. It sounds like The Sanctuary! We're good here, too."

"How long have you been here?"

Chuck thinks. "Uh. Four months about. God, so much has happened in such a short time." She looks to Negan and smiles at him.

"Fuck. Has it only been that long? I guess shit moves faster now," Negan responds.

"I can't wait for Eric to see you. And this baby!" He puts his hand on her stomach again. "I'd love to meet the father. Is he still around?" he asks nervously, like he's afraid to bring it up.

"Yeah!" Chuck answers excitedly, but is unsure if Negan would want a stranger (to him, anyway) to know that he's going to be a father.

Negan doesn't give her a chance to say anything further. "You already met him."

Aaron looks to Negan and realizes what Negan is saying. He whips his head back to Chuck and throws his thumb out in Negan's direction. "Him?!" Aaron does not sound happy.

Chuck's face drops at his sudden change in demeanor. "Yeah, him."

"He's twice your age!" He turns his head to glare at Negan. "She's too young for this!"

Negan starts to say something, but Chuck interrupts him.

"I'm twenty five! I'm an adult."

"He's in his fifties, Charlotte!"

"Hey!" Negan booms. "I'm not even in my fifties yet! Fuck!"

"You meet this guy four months ago and you immediately get pregnant? What are you thinking?!" Aaron still sounds disapproving. He had always been a little overprotective of Chuck. Just like her mother.

"I didn't meet him four moths ago. We've known each other since I was in high school!"

Negan tries to interrupt her with a "No, Chuck" but she keeps going.

"He was my teacher."

Aaron's eyes get big.

"Goddamnit, Chuck," Negan says under his breath.

Aaron whips his head to Negan and back to Chuck. "What?!"

Chuck looks to Negan, who has his head slightly down. She finally realizes how what she said sounds. "No! No, not like that! He was just my teacher back then!"

"I'm taking you back to Alexandria with me," Aaron blurts out to Chuck.

Negan picks up Lucille and slams her down on the table causing everyone to jump. "That's not fuckin' happening!"

Simon leans forward over the table and puts his hands out to Negan and Aaron. "Why don't we just take a breath. Calm down before something gets done that can't be taken back."

Chuck feels a need to make things right, so she continues to explain things to Aaron. "Everything is really good with me, Uncle Aaron. You don't need to worry. I know Negan's older, but that doesn't matter to me. And _I'm_ old enough to make my own decisions." She looks to Negan, but he's still glaring at Aaron. He finally looks over to Chuck and his face softens. Chuck looks away to speak to Aaron again. "Negan's my husband. And... I love him. And he loves me. And we're gonna be a family."

Aaron lets out a breath. He still looks a little angry. "Are you _sure_? He's so..." Aaron gives Negan a look and lets out a huff.

Chuck knows what he's thinking. "I know Negan can be... gruff, but he's a good man. He's always been good to me. And the rest of the wives."

Aaron's face drops.

"Jesus Christ, Chuck. You can't just stop talking while you're ahead."

"Wives?!" Aaron yells. "He has _wives_?!"

Chuck scrubs her hands down her face. "It's not- Let me explain!"

Negan jumps in. " _Chuck_ is my wife. That's it. She is the only one I consider my _real_ wife. Before Chuck came here, I had... women that I called _wives_ before her. They were women that I fuckin' protected. Women that _needed_ protection. And I did that by telling everyone else here that they were bound to me. And they're still, technically, to everyone here, my wives in title only. But they fuckin' know that Chuck..." Negan lets out a huff. "Chuck is fuckin' different. Always has been."

"I want to speak to Chucky alone."

"Absolutely not," Negan responds quickly.

"Negan-" Chuck starts, but Negan cuts her off.

"I'm not leaving you in a room alone with a strange fuckin' man."

"She's my niece!"

"He's my uncle!" Chuck says at the same time as Aaron.

" _I_ don't know him!" Negan growls.

Chuck looks at him with wide eyes. "Please, Negan. He's my family."

Negan huffs out a few breaths and throws Simon a look. "Me and Simon are gonna be _right_ outside the fuckin' door."

Negan and Simon get up to leave. They exit the room, but leave the door ajar slightly.

"Chucky," Aaron starts quietly, "you can come back to Alexandria. Me and Eric still have and extra room. You can stay with us. Or... There are extra houses-"

Chuck shakes her head and interrupts. "I don't want to leave. This is my home."

"He's-" Aaron looks to the door. "He's- The way he talks... The way he acts..." He shakes his head.

"He saved my life. More than once," Chuck cuts is. "My first group... It was good at first, but then they all died. Except me and a few men." She scratches her nose and rubs her face. "They... They hurt me."

Aaron looks away. "Oh, Chucky."

"Negan found us. And when he found out what they were doing to me, he took me away. He killed them so they couldn't hurt anyone else."

"I'm so sorry, Chucky." A tear runs down his cheek.

"Negan helped me after that. He made sure I was okay. Made sure I was healthy. Without him, I don't know where I'd be. If I'd even be alive."

"Sweetie," he rubs her arm and it reminds her of her mother. "I just want what's best for you."

"Negan _is_ what's best for me."

Aaron nods slowly after a moment. "Okay, Chucky."

Chuck clears her throat and changes the subject. "So... How did you cross paths with Negan."

Aaron looks away nervously. "Another group asked us..." He runs his fingers through his curly hair. "We were lied to about Negan and his men. We were told that he had killed members of another group and were keeping their women."

"What?!" Chuck exclaims.

Negan and Simon burst into the room. Chuck's raised voice had apparently triggered some alarm for them. When they see that nothing is wrong, they calm down.

Chuck looks to Negan. "Aaron and his people were told that you kidnapped women?!"

Negan gives a stern look to Aaron. "Is that _all_ you told her?"

Chuck looks from Negan to Aaron, who has shifted his gaze down.

"Why-" Chuck starts. "What happened?"

"Why don't I fill her the fuck in, _uncle_ Aaron." Negan sits down on the other side of Chuck. "The now _former_ leader of Hilltop didn't like me much. So he went and asked the Alexandrians," Negan gestures to Aaron, "to _kill_ my ass."

"What?!" Chuck whips her head to Aaron. "You were going to kill Negan?!"

"Chucky," Aaron grabs Chuck's hand, "we thought he hurt people. Murdered people. Stole from them. We made a deal with Gregory. He said he'd give us the food that we need if we stopped Negan. We thought it was a win/win."

Chuck processes the information. She looks from Negan to Aaron. "You really thought he was a bad guy?"

"Yes," Aaron answers. "Gregory told us that he murdered his people, kidnapped his women, and stole most of the food they produce every week. We thought we were doing the right thing."

Chuck believes Aaron. She hates to think that he and his group wanted to kill Negan, but she can't really blame them. They were given bad information. And, obviously, they didn't go through with it. It still upsets her and brings a tear to her eye, though.

"Is everything settled between all the communities now?" Chuck asks hopefully.

"Yeah, baby girl," Negan puts his hand on her back. "There's nothing to fuckin' worry about. Everything is peachy fuckin' keen." He looks back to Simon who is still close to the door. "Why don't you escort Chuck upstairs. And call down to the kitchen for dinner. I'll be up after me and Aaron have a little chat."

"Can uncle Aaron eat with us?"

Negan looks to Aaron then back to Chuck.

"Please," Chuck adds.

"Fuuuuck. You kill me, girl! Fine. He can eat with us."

"Thanks!" Chuck gets up and hugs Aaron again before leaving with Simon.

— Negan's POV —

I watch Chuck and Simon leave, then turn back to Aaron. "We gonna have a fuckin' problem?"

"I don't _want_ any problems with you, Negan," he answers. "Chucky's my family. I just want what's best for her. She says you're good to her. So, despite some..." he raises his eyebrows, "red flags, I won't fight with you about her."

"Good."

"But I will fight _for_ her if I think she's being hurt." That fucker is looking me straight in the eye.

"That makes two of us, _uncle_ Aaron. You have no idea the shit I've done for that girl. So if you want what's best for her, want her safe, want her in a community that doesn't have to commit fuckin' murder to feed its residents, then you should want her right the fuck here."

He gives a slow nod knowing that I'm fuckin' right.

"You're her family. And I think it'll be fuckin' good for her to have you in her life. But she is _not_ going to leave these gates. Period. _Ever_. You can stay here a few days and catch up with her. Then, when me and your group get shit settled between us, you can come visit her regular-like."

He looks at me with a fuckin' grimace. "Okay."

"And I do not want you making her upset. I didn't exactly get a great first impression of your group, and that includes you, so I don't know what kinda guy you fuckin' are now. Chuck was excited to see you, so if you turn out to be a fuckin' dick and disappoint her, things will not end well for you."

He sneers at me. "I get that you don't know me or my people and that what happened today doesn't exactly paint us in a good light, but we really aren't bad people. We'll show you that." His face turns more sad. "And I'll show you that I truly care about my niece. She's all I have left of my family."

I suck on my teeth as a nod at him. "Alright, _uncle_ Aaron." I stand up. "We're all gonna have a nice ass dinner now."

He gets up and follows me upstairs to my room.

— —

Chuck and Simon leave the meeting room to walk up to the fifth floor. Chuck can't help but smile at the fact that her uncle, who she had been close to before the turn, is alive and well. And in the area, close enough to be with her.

"So, your uncle, huh?" Simon starts, sounding a little awkward as he opens the door to the stairwell for Chuck.

"Yeah! It's amazing, isn't it?" Chuck looks up at Simon and passes by him. "I can't believe he's here."

"You were close then?"

"Yeah. He was my mom's only sibling and they were really close. So he was always around." She lets out a little chuckle. "I'm just so happy to have him back."

Simon replies from behind her on the stairs. "I'm happy for you, kiddo."

They leave the stairwell on the fifth floor and enter Negan's office. Simon clears his throat and Chuck turns to him. He looks nervous about something. Almost sad. She's just about to say something when he starts himself.

"You and Negan..." He rubs the back of his neck.

Chuck is confused at first, but then realizes what he's getting at. Simon knew that things had been strained between Chuck and Negan. She hadn't discussed it outright with Simon, but she could tell that he noticed a change.

She hadn't really realized it because so much stuff was happening, but she admitted that she loved Negan in the meeting room. In front of Simon. And he had heard what Negan said about her, too.

Chuck isn't sure how to breach this topic with Simon. She lets out a sigh and pushes her hair off of her face. "Negan and I had a talk last night. Well, it started as a fight and turned into a talk." She swallows hard. "He told me that he loves me. And I realized that I love him, too. So we decided to be together. Like a real couple."

Simon nods with his head down. "Okay," he says quietly.

Chuck hates that she is hurting him. "I'm sorr-"

"No," he interrupts. "Don't apologize," he continues softly. "If you're happy with Negan then I'm happy." He doesn't sound too convincing, but he's trying.

"You're a good man, Simon," she replies genuinely.

He inhales deeply and exhales, giving her a soft smile. "Thanks, kiddo."

She smiles back at him.

Simon clears his throat. "I'm gonna call down for your dinner and head out."

"Okay, Simon."

After Simon leaves, Chuck paces around the room. She's filled with emotion. Excitement from seeing Aaron again. Sadness from potentially breaking Simon's heart. Fear from what Aaron's group almost did.

Eventually, Negan and Aaron walk into the office carrying three trays of food.

Negan gives Chuck a little nod, signaling her to sit down at the kitchen table. Which she does.

"We bumped into the kitchen worker on our way up here, so I thought I'd put uncle Aaron here to fuckin' work." Negan holds up the plates in his hand indicating the food, then sets them down on the table, one for Chuck and one for himself.

Aaron sits down with his plate between Chuck and Negan at the four-seat table. He gives Chuck a smile and she returns it.

"Everything's good, right?" she asks, a little worried about what they talked about when she wasn't there.

"Everything's hunky fuckin' dory, baby girl," Negan answers then gestures to the food. "Eat up."

They start to eat, but Chuck can't help herself from wanting to know everything about what Aaron has been through since she last saw him. She starts to ask him questions about his community, which he answers. There are about fifty people living there now, though their numbers were once bigger. They lost a bunch of their people when a group called The Wolves attacked at the same time that they were trying to lead a huge herd of the dead away from them. This led to the herd going straight through their community. Talking about this seems to upset Aaron, so Chuck changes the subject.

"Remember that one Thanksgiving where our oven decided to die half way through cooking the turkey? And mom didn't realize it and was so upset when it was time to eat and the turkey wasn't done?" Chuck giggled.

Aaron laughs and jumps in. "Oh yeah! We ended up getting Chinese takeout. And every year after that, we'd get fortune cookies with our dinner."

"Remember the first year after that, when you first brought the fortune cookies?" Chuck can't help but laugh at the memory. "And mom was so mad at you for reminding her about the turkey fiasco!"

Aaron laughs, too. "And her fortune was like 'You must learn to laugh at your mistakes' or something!"

"Oh my god, it _was_!" Chuck laughs so hard that tears stream down her cheeks. She looks across to Negan and sees that he he can't hold in his own laughs. She calms down enough to ask Negan, "Do you celebrate Thanksgiving here?"

"Fuck, no! The only thing we celebrate is not fuckin' dying."

"It's only two months away now," she adds, but then lets out a gasp of excitement. "Halloween is coming up!"

"Oh, god. Halloween," Aaron says not exactly excitedly.

"I love Halloween! Me and my mom would go all out. Every room in the house was decorated. And I used to _love_ dressing up! We need to have a party or something this year!"

Negan chuckles. "Why the fuck would we celebrate Halloween? Isn't the world enough of a nightmare as it is?"

"But Halloween is fun! Unless your a scaredy-cat like that one." Chuck points to Aaron and laughs.

"I'm not a scaredy-cat! I just don't like horror movies." Aaron throws his arms up, still chuckling. "Oh, wait! Someone has a birthday coming up."

"No, no! Don't change the subject!" Chuck exclaims.

"Oh, shit!" Negan starts. "When's your birthday, sweetheart?"

"Birthdays really aren't important now," she replies. She never really cared about her own birthday. Her mom always tried to do her best to have fun with Chuck, but all Chuck could ever really think about was how she never really had any friends to celebrate with.

"The fuck they aren't! They're even _more_ important now. Every year you keep on living is definitely something to fuckin' celebrate! So what day is it?"

"Ugh," she groans dramatically. "October 17."

They continue to talk at the table, even though they are all finished with their food.

"Oh, Chucky," Aaron says as if he's remembered something, "I have your mom's guitar."

"Oh my god! You do?!"

"Yeah. She left it at my house before... everything got bad. And I took it with me to Alexandria."

"I tried to find it when I went to the house. I thought someone stole it!"

"I can bring it back here for you. If you want."

She wants to say yes immediately, but then thinks about it. "No. You keep it." She smiles at Aaron. "I'm happy just as long as it's still in the family." Chuck looks to Negan. "Besides, I have my own guitar, now." She chuckles. "There's a beautiful piano in the wives' lounge. Oh, you'll love it Aaron!" Chuck gets up from the table.

"Now, wait, Chuck! I'm not letting a fuckin' strange man into the wives' lounge!"

Chuck lets out a huff. "What's he gonna do, Negan? He's gay."

Negan narrows his eyes at her. "Fine," he grumbles and gets up, too.

Chuck excitedly runs to her room to get her guitar, then goes to the lounge with Negan and Aaron trailing behind.

"We got a visitor, ladies," Negan calls out as they enter the room.

All of the women look to the newcomer curiously.

"Are you finally adding a man-wife, Negan?" Tonya jokes.

"Ha ha, Tonya," Negan starts, "but, no."

"This is my uncle!" Chuck jumps in. "Aaron."

"Hello... ladies," Aaron greets awkwardly.

Kayla makes an excited sound. "That's so great that you found a family member!" She steps forward to shake Aaron's hand. "I'm Kayla. That's Tonya, Frankie, and Sherry." She points out the women and they wave to Aaron.

Negan plops himself down on the couch. "He's here to see the piano. So... There it is."

"You play, too?" Sherry asks Aaron.

"Yeah," he answers, looking over the instrument. "Though I'm not as good as Chuck on the piano."

"Here." Chuck hands him the guitar and sits on the piano bench. "Let's play something."

Aaron thinks for a moment. "Hey Jude?"

Chuck doesn't even answer but immediately starts to play. Aaron throws on the guitar and joins in. They sing the familiar song easily; it had always been one of their favorites to play together. They and Chuck's mother would play it at every family get together.

When the wives join in, it brings a smile to Chuck's face. No one can resist the "la las" of Hey Jude. She even sees Negan let out a few.

They finish the song and everyone claps. Including Negan.

"You two sound great together," Frankie compliments.

Chuck shifts on the bench and it makes a loud cracking noise. Negan jumps up and lifts her from the bench before it crumbles to pieces.

"What the fuck!" Negan calls out as he sets Chuck back on her feet.

"I don't think I've gained that much weight," Chuck jokes with a chortle.

"Oh, uh..." Tonya starts. "I think that might be our fault. Me and Frankie were... uh... doing something and kinda broke the bench."

"Jesus Christ, Tonya," Negan mutters under his breath.

Tonya shrugs. "I didn't think we broke it that much."

"Oh, don't worry about it," Aaron jumps in. "I brought in a guy back home a few weeks ago that can fix it. Or build a whole new bench for you. He's a good guy. Lives with me and Eric."

"What's his name?" Negan immediately growls out.

Aaron looks from him to Chuck with confusion on his face. Chuck starts to breathe heavily as she arrives at the same thought Negan must have also.

"What's his fucking name!?" Negan yells.

"It's- His name is Brendon."


	37. Chapter 37

Chuck holds back tears as she processes what Aaron just said.

Brendon. Brendon is at Alexandria.

She looks to Negan, who is glaring at Aaron. "Brendon?" she whispers.

Negan lifts his radio to his mouth. "Simon, get three trucks ready with fully armed fuckin' men. We're going to Alexandria right the fuck now."

" _Uh, sure, boss. They'll be up and ready to go in thirty._ "

Chuck looks around the room and sees that the wives all look shocked. Aaron, though, looks very confused.

"What-" Aaron starts, "What is-"

Negan puts his radio away and points in Aaron's face aggressively. "Did Brendon know you guys were coming after _me_?! Did he know you were going after 'Negan' or 'The Sanctuary'?!"

"Uh," Aaron looks to Chuck, who is now upset. "Chuck, what's going-"

"Fucking answer me, Aaron!" He grabs Aaron by the shirt and turns him to face him. "Does that fucker know I'll be coming for him?!"

"N-No! He wasn't there when we... He left for a few days scouting for lumber. He's not due to be back until some time tomorrow."

Negan lets him go and scrubs his hand down his beard. "You two," he points to Aaron and Chuck. "My office."

They all enter his office and Negan immediately starts to pace.

"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" Aaron asks as he throws his arms up.

"He's a piece of shit!" Negan blurts out.

Aaron looks around confused. "Brendon? You know him? H-He lives with me and Eric. He seems like a good guy."

"Well, you're living with a fucking rapist!"

"What?!" Aaron looks from Negan to Chuck. "Is that-" He stops when he sees Chuck's face.

She tries to hold back, but the tears start to flow as she lets out a sob. She knew that Negan would probably find Brendon at some point, but she still isn't exactly ready for that confrontation just yet.

"No..." Aaron looks to Negan as he pieces things together. "He didn't- Oh no, Chucky."

"He didn't _rape_ me," Chuck blurts out to clarify. She knows what Aaron must be thinking.

"It doesn't matter if he didn't _actually_ do it! He still fuckin' _tried_ to!"

"Oh my god," Aaron says under his breath as he brings his hands up to his mouth. "What did he do, Chucky?"

Negan butts in. "That 'good guy' you live with stripped her naked, beat her, tied her up, _strangled_ her, and left her in a stifling hot trailer for six fucking hours! That's what Brendon did!"

Aaron wipes at his eyes before walking toward Chuck. "I'm sorry," he whispers into her hair as he cradles her head to his chest. "I'm so sorry, sweetie."

"Well, I'm gonna kill that fucker."

"No, Negan!" Chuck pushes away from Aaron and goes to Negan. "I-I don't want that."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Chuck?! He has to die! He could've killed you. He could've killed our baby!"

"I don't want you killing any more people because of me!"

"Goddamnit!" Negan swipes the paperwork off of his desk sending it to the floor. "I've fucking told you before, that shit wasn't on you!"

"I know you've said that, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't still make me feel bad. I hate that you killed people for me."

"It's not your fault, baby girl." He cradles her face in his hands. "You didn't make them do that shit to you. They chose to be fuckin' pieces of shit! They deserved the shit they got."

"I can't make myself not feel bad about it, Negan!"

Negan lets out a huff to steady himself and runs his hands up and down her arms soothingly. "I know, baby girl. But he broke the rules here. I have to punish him." He moves one hand up to cradle the back of their neck.

Aaron speaks softly from beside them. "I think Negan is right, Chucky. A man that would do all that to you..." He shakes his head. "He shouldn't be allowed the freedom to do it again."

"I'm not saying don't punish him. Just..." Chuck wipes her cheeks. "Why does it always have to be _killing_? Is the punishment for _attempted_ rape execution, too?" She's grasping at straws. She knows that she should want Brendon dead, but she just can't reconcile it with the thoughts that someone's life is going to be cut short. He's still a _person_ , even if he is a bad one.

Negan huffs out a breath. "We've never had one before. Or at least no one's come forward with one. When I first took over, we had a few rapes. And they were clearly _rapes_."

"Then couldn't the punishment for Brendon be something else."

Negan hangs his head and shakes it. "It's not just about what he fuckin' did, sweetheart. It's about telling everyone else that that shit won't be tolerated. So no one tries something like that on anyone else."

"Okay, Negan," she responds quietly. The fact that letting Brendon off lightly could potentially lead to other people being hurt has Chuck reconsidering her position. She would never want others to suffer the same way she has.

Negan closes his eyes then looks back to her. "I'm gonna head out tonight and surprise that fucker. I don't want to give him a chance to fuckin' run."

"I want to go with you," Chuck states. She doesn't know why, but she wants to be there when Negan brings Brendon in.

"Absolutely not." Negan picks Lucille up from his desk chair. "I'm gonna go to Alexandria with my men and we're gonna pick that motherfucker up. Bring him back here. And then I'm gonna kill him."

"I should go with you," Aaron adds. "We'll have to talk this over with Rick first. He'll want to have a say in what happens to one of his people and I think the discussion will go better with me there."

"I don't give a shit what Rick says. Brendon broke _my_ rules. It doesn't fuckin' matter that he ran off to some other damn group." Negan walks back over to Chuck and grasps her face lightly. He puts his forehead on hers and begins to whisper. "Please tell me you understand. I have to do it."

"I understand, Negan," she responds in a whisper. "But I wish it could be different."

Negan lets out a breath. "I'm sorry, baby girl." He kisses her sweetly then leaves the room with Aaron trailing behind him.

— Negan's POV —

"This road here," Aaron, from the back seat, thrusts his hand between the front seats of the car me, him, and Dwight are in to point at a side road in front of us.

Dwight takes the turn and we continue on our way to fuckin' Alexandria.

"How much longer?" I ask. I'm getting fuckin' antsy. I just want to get there and get that fucker Brendon. And fuckin' punish him the way he goddamn deserves.

"Not long," Aaron answers.

It's fuckin' dark, no moon tonight. And it's quiet. Those Alexandria dicks must keep the place clear of dead fuckers well enough. At least they're good at that.

A half hour later, our headlights shine on an ugly ass metal wall and gate. I can see some guys with guns up on the guard towers talking into radios. My eyes flit to movement right in front of us as they open the inside gate up to get a better look at us. Rick's there, of course, hand trained on a big ass gun holstered at his fuckin' hip.

"Let me talk to him," Aaron says.

"I'm coming with," I say as more of a demand than a request.

We get out of the car and go to the gate.

Rick looks us all up and down, then settles on Aaron. "Why are they here?"

"We have a problem, Rick." Aaron tells him.

Rick looks back to me and then to my trucks with a nervous fuckin' look on his face.

"Don't worry, Ricky boy!" I call out. "I'm not here to fuck shit up. Circumstances just made that little sit down between us have to happen a little sooner than I expected. So..." I gesture to the gate. "Why don't we have that sit down?"

"It's late," Rick says after a beat. "Can't this wait until morning?"

"No. It fucking can't." I'm getting pissed.

"Rick," Aaron pleads. "It's important. Is Brendon still gone?"

Rick looks a little confused. "Yeah. He's still out."

Good. If Brendon knows that _I_ know that he's here, he'll fuckin' run. And I'll never get my damn hands on him.

Rick opens the gate and we walk through. My trucks pull in and park off to the side. "Your men stay by the trucks," Rick throws out to me. I guess it makes sense that he's fuckin' suspicious. I'm a pretty big damn threat. But I'm not here for a fight right now. I just want to get on with this shit.

"I need two." I snap my fingers and Dwight and another savior walk to me. I'm not going into a place I don't know without some extra fuckin' protection.

"Fine," Rick turns to lead us to wherever. His house, I'm assuming.

Along the way, Daryl joins our little procession and we walk into a fuckin' house straight from the suburbs of the time before the world went to shit. The place looks nice, but I'm not really paying much attention to that. I'm on a fuckin' mission.

That dredded woman, Michonne, is waiting for us in the living room as soon as we walk in. "What's going on."

Rick puts is hand on her hip as he walks by. She seems outta his league, but, maybe it's slim fuckin' pickins here. "Aaron says we have a problem."

We all sit down in the living room. Rick, Michonne, and Aaron sit on the couch, with Daryl lurking beside them. I sit in an armchair sorta diagonal to them. My men stay out of the way, leaning against the fuckin' wall by the fireplace beside me.

Before we start, a teenage boy in fuckin' pajamas walks through the doorway just off the kitchen and comes closer to us. He has a patch over one eye and really needs a damn haircut. "Dad?"

Rick answers. "Go back upstairs, Carl."

Carl gives a little stink eye look and leaves.

"That your boy?" I say to Rick. The fact that this place has kids is a good fuckin' sign. It means they got roots. "How old?"

"He's 16," Rick answers.

"Shit," I say to myself. "He was young when this shit started. You're lucky to still have him."

"You aren't here to talk about my family," Rick cuts in. "So why are you here?"

"You're right." I sit up straighter. "You have a fuckin' criminal living within your walls. Brendon." I pause as they look to each other. "He broke one of my cardinal rules, so I'm going to be relieving you of him to give him the punishment he deserves back home."

Rick looks to Michonne and Aaron, then back to me. "What did he do?"

"He attacked one of my people," I answer vaguely. If I can get get away with not telling these strangers what happened to Chuck, that would be for the fuckin' best. I know Chuck wouldn't want me spouting off that shit unless I have to.

"I can't just let you take one of my people based on that. I want to talk to Brendon first to get his side of the story."

"Oh, _now_ you want to investigate before you act?" I let out a huff.

Aaron jumps in. "It was my niece Chucky. Brendon hurt her."

"You believe them?" Daryl asks and I almost fuckin' lose it.

"What? You need fuckin' evidence? How's this? I _personally_ fuckin' found her naked and hogtied after that fuck kidnapped her, tried to rape her, tried to strangle her to death, and left her! _I_ carried her out of there! _I_ listened to her as she told me what he fuckin' did to her. And _I_ held her when she cried!" I stand up and point my finger right in Daryl's face. "So don't you fuckin' _dare_ tell me that we're lying or that that motherfucker doesn't deserve the shit I'm gonna rain down on him."

"I saw her face when I told them we had Brendon here. He did it. I'm sure of it," Aaron adds.

Michonne holds her hands out at me to calm me back down. "Okay, Negan. We don't want a person that would do that living here with our people. Right?" She looks at Rick.

"What are you planning on doing with him?" Rick asks.

I sit back down, but I'm still fuckin' pissed. "What the fuck do you think?" I hold up Lucille. "I'm gonna introduce him to my girl Lucille here. Nice and fuckin' proper."

Rick looks down and starts to shake his head. "Brendon is building us a greenhouse. We need it to start growing more food. Our crops were destroyed by The Wolves and we haven't recovered yet."

I let out a huff. "I don't give a fuck if he's shitting fucking gold for you! That fucker is gonna die. Period. And I don't need your fucking permission. This little chat is just a fuckin' courtesy to tell you that I _am_ taking that rapist fuck back with me."

Michonne looks to Rick. "We already have the plans and the supplies for the greenhouse. We can get it built by ourselves." Michonne looks to me and then back to Rick. "Brendon broke Negan's rules. I don't think we should stand in the way of that."

"Listen to your woman, Ricky boy. She's speaking sense."

Rick lets out a sigh. "Do you execute a lot of people?" He's acting like he's fuckin' judging me. _He_ is fuckin' judging _me_!

"Asks the man that was gonna _execute_ all my goddamn men just yesterday." I give a smug little chuckle. "I'm gonna give you a fuckin' tip here. One dead fucker done right can go a long way. You kill one to save a fuck load of others. And that's what this shit is. What that fucker did, attacking an innocent fucking woman, had _not_ happened in my Sanctuary for a long ass time. Because all of the residents there know that if you lay your hands on a woman without her permission, you die. Period. I don't know how you run this place, but the rules fucking matter where I live. If Brendon gets away with that shit, people will think _they_ can get away with that shit. Which would mean more fuckin' attacks on women." I pause. "One life to save others," I reiterate my goddamn point.

Rick wipes his hand down his face. "Okay, Negan. I'm not going to stand in your way. But I want to have a meeting with my people here in the morning to explain it to them."

"Good," I respond. "You just made a step in the right fuckin' direction."

"Brendon'll probably get back in the afternoon," Daryl explains. "He's out with Morgan and Tara. They were gonna hit some overpass filled with cars. See if they could find something good to bring back."

"They got radios?" I ask.

"No. The area they were going through has been pretty clear, so they didn't take the radios," Michonne answers.

"We can set you and your men up is some of our empty houses. I just ask that you stick to yourselves for now." Rick stands from the couch and starts to escort us to his door.

"I'm here for one fuckin' reason only," I respond. "That's all I'm thinking about."

Rick nods. "Will you show them where they're staying, Aaron?"

"Yeah. The houses are this way. Right next door to mine." Aaron leads us to the houses and my men start to get settled.

"I wanna see where that fucker has been living," I say to Aaron. "Dwight. Come with." I'm not really sure why, but I just fuckin' need to see where he's been. What he's been doing.

"Come on." Aaron takes me and Dwight to his house.

As soon as we get to the porch, the door opens and some guy comes out.

"Aaron!" The guy runs out and hugs Aaron. I'm assuming he's the husband. "Rick told me you went to some other settlement to see your niece." He finally looks at me, then back to Aaron. "Who is this? What's going on?"

"Lets talk inside." Aaron gestures to the door and we all enter.

I close the door behind me and look around. There's a couch just to my left and the kitchen off to the right. Fuck, they got a lot of shit in their house. License plates and signs all over the walls. Decorations everywhere. Real homey, like they must've lived here for a long ass time. These lucky fucks got to live in a place like this this whole damn time?

Aaron points to a doorway kinda in front of me. I can see a staircase just beyond it. "First door on the right up the stairs. That's Brendon's room. I'll stay down here and fill Eric in on everything."

I nod and head on up the stairs with Dwight. I tell him to wait outside the room for me and I go in. It's nothing special, like every other random ass guest room I've seen.

I start to go through his shit, but I don't find anything that jumps the fuck out. But then I look under the bed. There's a fuckin' backpack, worn and dirty, sitting against the wall. I almost missed it. I pull it out and shove my hands into it as I sit on the bed. Notebooks. That's all that's fuckin' in there.

I them out and start to read that shit. Some of them are plans for shit he can make. Small things like utensils, stools, tables. And there are plans for houses, boats, shit like that, too. Even instructions on all that old timey construction shit that he said he could do. Like how to put shit together without nails and making planks from trees with just an axe. All meticulous and exact. And useful as fuck.

I will be relieving Rick of this shit, too.

But some of the notebooks are like journals. And that shit is batshit crazy. The exact opposite of the other notebooks. There's a lot of fuckin' rambling about shit he misses. Music, food, women. Then he talks about the shit he and Drew did together. And it's fucked up.

I should've killed fuckin' Drew Hanson when I had the chance.

Drew was like the fuckin' leader in his little partnership with Brendon. Urging him to do fucked up shit. They would lure people into traps to steal their food and weapons. Then just leave them to die in fucked up ways. And of course when they found women... The shit he describes... God, I'm so fuckin' glad he didn't do that shit to Chuck.

At first, Brendon talks about all that shit like it was only Drew that did it. But then Brendon joined in, too. He did some sick shit all on his own. And he liked it. He was happy that he was "making Drew proud." How the fuck did he hide this crazy shit from my men at the outpost for a whole month? And he hid it from Rick and co., too! Brendon must be some sorta fuckin' psychopath!

Fuck, I wish I hadn't read all this. But then again, he made it that much easier for me to bash his fuckin' brains in.

I shove the notebooks back into the fuckin' bag and throw it over my shoulder. I leave Aaron's house with Dwight following without even really saying a word to anyone.

That night, I don't sleep a fuckin' wink.

The next morning, Rick tells me that everyone is meeting in the church. This place has an _actual_ fuckin' church. And an _actual_ fuckin' priest to go along with it. Goddamn, I coulda married Chuck all official like.

All eyes are on my as I stride the fuck up the aisle to where Rick is standing at the front of the room. The pews are filled with all the Alexandrians and my men, waiting for this shit to start.

"Well, Rick," I gesture out to everyone else. "Say what you gotta say."

Rick explains to his people who I am (the guy they all agreed to kill on false pretenses) and who Brendon is (the fucking rapist that has been living with them for weeks). Everyone looks a little fuckin' shocked, as they fuckin' should. When Rick explains that I'm gonna be taking Brendon back with me, some of the people make a goddamn fuss.

"You're just going to let this guy come in and take one of us?" some guy stands up and asks Rick.

"He's not _letting_ me do shit!" I call out to that fucker. "Brendon broke my goddamn rules! Rules that, by the way, should be the lay of the land fuckin' everywhere. If you're telling me that your group is o-fuckin'-kay with men raping women, then I am not o-fuckin'-kay with letting you guys walk around free to do that shit! And my men will _make_ sure that you are not free to do that shit."

"Everyone. Tobin." Rick looks from me to the guy still fuckin' standing. "Lets all just stay calm. Brendon broke another group's rules while he was living there and we shouldn't get in the way of that group carrying out their punishment. Besides, if Brendon would have done here what he did there, we would be punishing him just like Negan is going to."

"And were just supposed to believe them that Brendon did this?" Tobin calls out. "The last group that came to us lied to try to get us to do something. They could be lying, too."

Aaron jumps in, "They aren't. I went to their home; my niece lives there. And _she_ is the one that Brendon hurt. She wasn't lying. And think about it. Why _would_ they lie? They're not getting anything out of this."

Tobin looks to Aaron with a sad fuckin' look of his face, then nods and sits back down.

Rick continues, "I know that we've never really dealt with anything like this, so it's a lot to swallow. But letting Negan take Brendon is the right thing to do. We don't want a man like Brendon living here."

No one else speaks up. They all look on board with it. A little hesitant, but on board all the fuckin' same.

When Rick is done saying his piece, the Alexandrians all leave to do whatever the fuck it is that they do all day, and I bum around their town. I'm not gonna tell Rick this, but this is one of the nicest places I've seen in a long ass time. Everything's clean. They got electricity and water. A little fuckin' lake in the center of town. And all the houses are goddamn perfect. With nice ass yards just right for barbecues. And playing catch with the kids... If you forget about the ugly ass metal wall, it almost looks like the apocalypse never even fuckin' happened. If I could guarantee a safe fuckin' journey, I'd bring Chuck here for a little vacay.

Me and my men wander around, just waiting for the main event to show. The Alexandrians are all giving us the stink eye for some reason, until Glenn starts talking with me and some of my men. He's a nice guy and apparently holds fuckin' sway with the others. They see that he's being decent to us, so everyone else sorta falls in fuckin' line. He tells me his wife's pregnant and I can't help but smile at that. Fuck, Chuck's turning me into such a pussy. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

We get word that Brendon and the others are approaching. I instruct my men to hang out at the gate. If that fuck tries to run, I want my men on him quick. Me? I wait off to the side so I can make a grand fuckin' entrance. Really surprise that fucker.

Rosita opens the gate and a man with one of those karate sticks walks through. Then a woman with black hair. Then fuckin' Brendon. They all look around, fuckin' confused at the new people standing all around them.

I walk forward and Brendon trains his eyes on me, no emotion on his face.

"That's right, motherfucker. We're gonna have a nice long chat."

Brendon looks around and says, "Alright." Like it's nothing. That fucker is cold as ice.

Me, him, my two bodyguards, Rick, Daryl, Michonne, and Aaron all pile into Rick's living room. It's one of those open plan deals with the dining room and kitchen, so there's enough room for all of us.

I pull out one of the dining room chairs and gesture to it. "Why don't you sit the fuck down, Brendon."

He does and we all stand around him.

"Negan told us what happened at The Sanctuary," Rick starts. "Why don't you tell me your side?"

Brendon looks around with a smug expression on his fuckin' face. "I'm sure what he said was the truth." He lets out a breath. "I didn't really plan it all out. I knew I was going to do it at some point... But then everything was just so perfect." He points to me. "You were gone. And Chuck went into that trailer. No one would hear. No one would come looking. I really couldn't have planned it any better than that." He chuckled.

I let out a growl. "You fuckin' dick."

He shrugs. Then he starts to rattle off what the fuck he did like it was a damn grocery list, gesturing from side to side fuckin' casually. "I told her to take her clothes off. She tried to run. I stopped her. I tied her up. I left." He suddenly looks right at me. "How's Chuck doing?" Brendon asks and I see red.

"Don't you fuckin' say her name!" I punch him in the fuckin' face and he falls out of his chair. I lift Lucille over my head to fuckin' kill him, but I regain my composure. I'm not killing this fuck right here. I'm not killing him fuckin' quick.

"Why did you hurt _her_? Why Chuck?" Aaron blurts out.

Brendon starts to fuckin' laugh as he stands up, spitting blood out of his mouth as he does. "I wanted to punish him. I wanted to take away something that he loves." He clears his throat and stands up straighter. "I'm guessing Negan didn't tell you guys the whole story. He used to be my teacher. Chuck's, too. And he ruined my life because he had a relationship with her." He turns to Rick. "Tell me, Rick, you were a cop. What do you think about a teacher that fucks a student?"

Everyone looks at me.

"I _never_ fuckin' touched her back then!" It's getting real fuckin' hard for me not to kill this fucker right here, right now, but I keep it together.

"But you sure touch her now," Brendon gets in before I can shut him up.

"You piece of shit! You're one to fuckin' talk! I found your notebooks. I read what you did to all those people! Those women!" I look to Rick and point to Brendon. "You've been living with a real fuckin' psychopath in your town, you know."

"Why didn't you kill her?" Aaron asks in confusion.

Brendon shrugs all cockily. "I really don't know. I wanted to. She just looked so much like she did in high school. And, I guess that woke up that old part of me. The man that I used to be before Drew showed me the way." He laughs. "But that part of me is dead now. And given another chance, I'd kill that cunt. Right after I tear her pussy-"

I don't get the fuckin' chance to bash that fucker's head in because Aaron comes flying out of nowhere and punches that fucker in the face, knocking him out cold.

Aaron turns to me as he shakes his hand out. "Take him away."

My men come in and load Brendon up.

But before I leave, Rick stops me. "Why didn't you tell me she was your-"

I interrupt him. "Doesn't matter."

Rick shakes his head. "What we do... What we _have_ to do to keep the ones we love safe..."

I stare at him as he trails off. I know what he's saying. That he actually gets it. Gets why I need this fucker dead so bad.

I nod my head slowly and leave. And I got the whole fuckin' ride home to plan out what I'm gonna do to fuckin' Brendon.


	38. Chapter 38

Chuck sits on the couch staring at the tv screen, her mind miles away as the video game that she was playing is left on the pause screen. Earlier, she thought that the game would get her mind off of what happened last night. And what is going to happen when Negan gets back. But her mind is still preoccupied.

 _Brendon. Negan is off at Alexandria to pick up Brendon and bring him back here. And he's going to kill him. In front of everyone._

Chuck doesn't like it. She hates that in this new world, killing is so commonplace. That death is something that people should just accept. In her life before the turn, in her small home town, decades passed without a single murder. And there were maybe one or two lives cut short by car accidents or something like that a year. People grew old. People died of the normal things. But now... People are torn apart by the dead. People get killed for food. People murder. And people are executed brutally.

But she knows that it has to happen. Brendon needs to die. For a lot of reasons. As punishment for what he did. To stop him from doing it again. To deter others from committing similar acts. Yes, Brendon _needs_ to be executed. But it's still horrible.

Chuck gives up on her game and leaves to go to the lounge. Maybe the wives can help her make sense of everything. On her way there, she passes Curly the cat leaving their litter box room. About a week ago, Negan moved the cats' litter boxes out of his office and into a small room down the hall, since the cats are getting bigger and "shitting too much," so Negan said. But since the litter boxes are elsewhere, the cats essentially have to have free reign of the entire floor. And the wives don't mind. Everyone keeps their doors open for the cats and enjoys to cuddle with them. And the cats love all the new beds and couches they can sleep on.

Chuck walks into the lounge and gives the women a little wave before she sits down. Tonya is busy in the middle of the room cutting Sherry's hair and Frankie and Kayla are sitting on the couch nearest to them, with Creamsicle sleeping on the arm beside them.

Kayla gets up and comes right over to Chuck. "How are you doing?" she asks sympathetically and sits down beside her. The wives were there when Aaron said that Brendon was at Alexandria. And they also knew that Negan left to bring him back. Chuck figures that they are probably a little worried about the situation and how Chuck is handling it.

Chuck tries to smile genuinely. "I'm fine."

"Negan didn't get back yet?" Sherry asks tentatively.

"Not yet," Chuck answers. "So, um..." Chuck lets out a nervous breath. "So, what do you guys think about, you know, Brendon and all." She wants to get their take on it, feeling that maybe it will help her with her own feelings.

"I'm glad Negan's gonna kill that bastard for what he did," Tonya answers quickly.

"Yeah," Frankie agrees. "He deserves what's coming to him."

"You guys don't feel... _bad_ for thinking that?"

Everyone looks to Chuck with confusion written all over their faces.

Kayla grabs Chuck's hand and holds it tightly. "It's hard to get used to the brutality of this world. But if you really think about _all_ of human history, brutality was the norm for most of it. I mean, I remember learning about the Middle Ages in school!" She chuckles and it lightens the mood a little. "Maybe someday we'll get back to trials and juries and fines, but right now? _This_ is the way things have to be."

Chuck nods. "Yeah. That makes sense."

"You just can't dwell on it," Sherry adds as Tonya finishes up with her hair. "You can't let it eat you up, okay, Chuck? Brendon broke the rules. And he hurt you. His punishment is justified." Sherry gets up and walks over to Chuck. "It's _justified_ , Chuck. Focus on that."

Chuck nods. The wives' words actually do make her feel a little better. "You guys are right. It sucks that it's the way we live now, but... I won't feel guilty over it."

Tonya cleans up her mess and joins the women. "So... Your uncle seems really nice," she changes the subject.

"Oh, yeah! I'm so glad he's here. We were really close before. After my dad died, he really helped me and my mom out. He was kinda 'the man' in our house. Cleaning the gutters, fixing the cabinets... he always did that stuff for us."

"I'm surprised Negan let a man he didn't know in here with us," Kayla says with a chuckle.

"Negan probably didn't see him as a threat or whatever." Tonya replies to Chuck then looks around at the questioning faces of the women. "Because he's gay, right?" she clarifies.

"Uh, yeah," Chuck answers, a little befuddled that Tonya picked up on that. "Aaron is gay."

"Oh!" Kayla answers, surprised at that information.

Tonya laughs. "I have military grade gaydar."

All the women laugh.

Frankie jumps in. "I bet that doesn't even matter. Negan would do anything Chuck asked him," she teases.

"That's not true!" Chuck tries to deny it, but she kind of agrees with what Frankie's saying. She knows that Negan has always given her everything she's asked for. Not that she _tries_ to get him to do things. Not really, anyway.

"You know it's true!" Tonya exclaims with a laugh.

"Negan told me that he loves me," Chuck blurts out. She doesn't really know why. It just comes out of her mouth without her thinking about it.

The women look around to each other in shock, not saying anything.

After a few moments, Kayla finally finds her voice. "Well? What did you say to him?!"

Chuck giggles a little nervously. "I-I said that I wanted to be with him. More like... a couple."

"Finally!" Tonya cries out.

Kayla laughs. "Negan has been head over heels for you since you first came up here."

"He said that?" Chuck asks.

"Of course he didn't _say_ it!" Sherry answers. "But it was obvious."

Chuck throws her arms up. "God, I'm an idiot! How did I not know?!"

Everyone laughs.

"You know, speaking of relationships..." Kayla clears her throat, "I, uh- I've been spending a lot of time on the fourth floor with Amber. And... there's this guy. He lives next door to her."

The women gasp. They knew what the punishment for cheating on Negan was.

"I mean, we haven't done anything," Kayla explains quickly. "I wouldn't cheat! And he's very respectful of the whole wife rules thing. But he's cute. And nice." She blushes. "And seeing Amber and Mark together... And you and Negan, too..." she gestures to Chuck, "I've just been thinking lately that I want that. I want _real_ love. And maybe even a family."

"That's great Kayla!" Frankie calls out genuinely, but turns almost sad. "But you'll have to move downstairs..."

"I know. That's why I haven't really brought it up. I love you guys, but... I think I just need more from life, you know? We would still be friends! And visit each other!"

"Of course, Kayla." Sherry coos. "I want you to have the life you want. And it's not like we wouldn't all still live in the same building."

"Well, now's not a good time to tell Negan, obviously. Considering everything that's going on. But... This is what I want. I don't want to be a wife anymore. When things settle down, I'll tell him."

Chuck smiles at her warmly. She would miss having Kayla there all the time, but she wants her to find happiness. So if Kayla wants to move downstairs to pursue that, Chuck supports her.

The sound of the stairwell door opening down the hall has Chuck rising to her feet. A few moments later, Negan steps in front of the doorway.

"Come on, baby girl." He holds his hand out to her and she takes it.

Chuck notices the dirty backpack on his shoulder, but doesn't ask about it as they walk to Negan's apartment. Once in the office, Negan takes the backpack off of his shoulder and sets it on his desk.

"Did you get him?" Chuck asks quietly.

Negan nods as he turns back to her. "Yeah. He's in a cell."

"Good."

Negan bends down and nuzzles into Chuck's neck while wrapping his arms around her. "Are you okay?" he whispers.

She nods. "I'm okay." She kisses his temple and he straightens to look at her. "I know what you need to do to Brendon. And I'm okay with it."

He brings his hand up to caress her cheek. "You really mean that?"

She nods and runs her fingertips over his lips gently. "I do."

Negan kisses her fingers and hugs her tightly. "You don't have to see me do it tomorrow. You'll have to be there at the start, but you can leave before I actually fuckin' kill him. We can tell everyone you're pregnant and that you can't see it. Or be upset or what-the-fuck-ever. If you want."

"Yeah," she agrees. "I don't think I really want to see it. And... we should tell everyone about the baby, too."

Negan nods and pushes some of Chuck's hair from her face. He lets out a sigh. "Brendon wrote journals. I read them," he starts quietly. "He's a monster, Chuck. All the shit he did..." He grasps her face gently in both of his hands and places his forehead on hers. "I'm so fuckin' glad he didn't take you from me." He puts his hand on her belly. "Or this."

Chuck touches his cheek and kisses his lips lightly. "Me, too," she whispers.

He moves his hand to her neck and softly rubs his thumb over her jaw. "I would do anything to protect you. You know that?"

She runs her hands up his chest. "I know, Negan."

"I love you so fucking much, Chuck," he says with more emotion than Chuck has ever heard from him before.

She looks him in the eye before whispering, "I love you, too, Negan."

He smiles and kisses her sweetly. "That's the most beautiful thing I've ever fuckin' heard."

Chuck giggles, but she stops when her stomach growls loudly.

"Shit! I better feed my babies!"

Later that night, Chuck has a hard time sleeping. Negan is snoring away softly beside her, but she can't stop her racing thoughts about Brendon. She suddenly remembers the backpack full of Brendon's journals that is still sitting on Negan's desk and curiosity fills her.

Chuck sneaks out of bed and into Negan's office. As quietly as she can, she pulls out a notebook from the backpack and sits behind the desk. Flicking on the desk lamp, she opens the notebook to a random page and starts to read. The entry starts with Brendon and Drew running across a family of four. It then describes the horrible way that they brutally murdered them, even the children, and ran off with their supplies. Chuck starts to cry upon reading the words.

She reads entry upon entry, each one even worse than the last. But no matter how horrible the words are, she can't stop reading them.

"What are you doing?" Negan's voice calls out gently from the doorway, making Chuck jump.

"I-I couldn't sleep." She wipes her cheeks of tears. "I just... wanted to know." She looks down to the open notebook in front of her.

Negan comes forward and around the desk to stand at her side. He slowly closes the notebook and places it back in the backpack. "I didn't want you to read that." He sits on the edge of the desk and looks down at Chuck. "The only reason I brought them back is because some of them have plans, schematics for shit I can use. The other stuff, the _journals_ , I'm gonna burn that shit. _No one_ should read that."

Chuck nods sadly. "I'm really lucky, aren't I? He could've easily killed me. Or worse. Why didn't he?"

Negan lets out a sigh. "He knew you." He wipes her cheek gently with his thumb. "You made him... _feel_ something, for once. He couldn't be that numb fuckin' monster he's become when he saw you."

Chuck nods as she lets out a tense breath and stands from the chair. She takes Negan's hand in hers. "I'm glad Brendon came here."

Negan looks at her confused. "Baby girl?"

"So we could stop him from ever hurting anyone else."

The next morning, Chuck and Negan wait in his office for everything to get ready in the courtyard. Instead of having Chuck wait downstairs with everyone else, Negan wanted to keep her with him. When they get word that everything is ready, they leave.

Negan grabs Chuck's hand and walks through the hallways of The Sanctuary. "You good, baby girl?" He turns his head to get her response.

"Yeah, Negan. I'm good."

They walk through the doors and out through the now kneeling crowd. Right in the center of everyone, two saviors are holding Brendon, making sure that he doesn't try to do anything.

Negan is still holding Chuck's hand when he starts to speak. "This is a good fuckin' day, people! And I bet y'all can guess why!" He points Lucille at Brendon. "Now, some of you might not remember that motherfucker right there, but he is Brendon, the guy we've been searching for. And we've been searching for him because he broke the rules! Namely, he hurt this sweetheart right here." He lets go of Chuck's hand and puts his arm around her waist. "He kidnapped her, beat her, and tried to rape her! Thankfully, she wasn't permanently fuckin' scarred! But that fucker," he points again, "still broke the rules. And he's in sore need of a fuckin' punishment."

Chuck looks up at Negan and then to the crowd. Her heart pounds in her chest at being talked about in front of all these people. And their eyes on her aren't helping.

Negan leans down to whisper in her ear. "You're doing so good, baby girl."

She gives him a little smile.

"Prior to all that shit he did, I wanted to make this girl my wife! Which I _did_ , while she was recovering! Sadly, because of him, I didn't get to fuckin' show off my baby girl like I usually do with the routine marriage festivities. But here she is. My girl Chuck! And she is very fuckin' special, as some of you eagle eyed people might be able to see.

Chuck instinctively puts her hand on her belly because Negan is talking about the baby.

"That's right, people. Our union was a fruitful one!" Negan's hand joins Chuck's on her stomach. "My girl is pregnant with my first kid!"

Everyone actually claps and seems genuinely happy. It brings a smile to Chuck's face to think that everyone is so supportive.

" _Since_ my girl is pregnant, though, she will have to opt out of the rest of this fuckin' show. I don't want to upset her. But she _will_ rejoin us for the big fuckin' celebration that is going to happen in the caf right after this shit! And _everyone_ gets one free drink! No points needed!"

Everyone cheers again. Alcohol is pretty expensive normally, so most people don't get to indulge too often.

Negan gives Chuck a little kiss on the cheek and a long look. "I'll see you in a bit," he whispers.

She smiles at him for a moment until he gently pushes her forward from the small of her back.

"Simon? Would you please escort my wife inside?"

"Sure thing, boss." Simon comes forward and leads Chuck back through the doors. They start to ascend the stairs, headed for the fifth floor, but Chuck pauses at the second floor door.

Simon is halfway up the stairs before he notices. "Chuck? What are you-"

She opens to door and starts to rush down the hallway.

"Where are you going?" Simon catches up to her quickly.

"I have to see." She enters the rec room and heads to one of the windows that overlooks the courtyard.

"Chuck, I don't think this is good for you," Simon pleads from behind her.

"I _have_ to see, Simon."

Her eyes are glued on the figures below. Negan, without Lucille, is standing directly in front of Brendon, who already has blood all over his face.

Then, there's movement. Negan grabs Brendon's face with one hand and then swipes something over it with the other, but Chuck really can't see. It does look like Brendon is in pain, though, from the way he is moving.

The saviors on either side of Brendon pick up his arms and hold them out. Negan walks over to Fat Joey, who is holding Lucille, and takes her from his hands, then walks back to Brendon. After saying something, Negan hits Brendon twice on his arms...? Or maybe shoulders. Negan himself is somewhat blocking the view for Chuck.

Negan knocks Brendon down by hitting his lower body with Lucille and then gets on top of him. Chuck can't see much now, only Negan's back and Brendon's flailing legs. She assumes Negan is strangling him. It takes a few minutes, but Brendon stops moving and Chuck knows he's dead.

She lets out a sigh and wipes a tear from her eye. She's surprised to find that she actually feels relieved. She thought she'd be sad, or guilty. But she isn't. She's almost glad that the world is rid of him.

"You okay?" Simon asks from beside her.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"You shouldn't've seen all that."

"I wanted to. I wanted to make sure it was done. And I wanted to see it for all of his victims that couldn't."

Chuck sees Negan walk toward the door and knows he'll head for his room. "We should get upstairs before he does."

Simon lets out an almost tense breath. "Yeah. We probably should."

— Negan's POV —

I watch as Chuck and Simon leave. I don't want her to see the shit I'm gonna do to Brendon, so I make sure they're good and gone before I start.

"She was already pregnant, wasn't she?" Brendon fuckin' laughs.

"Shut up!" One of the guys holding him slaps him in the back of the head.

"Shit, if I would've know that..." Brendon continues, "I would've _taken_ her and left. Let her get big and fat with your baby. Then I would've cut it out of her."

I hold my hand up to my savior when he makes a move to shut him up again. I'm gonna let him fuckin' speak. Let him get me more riled the fuck up. But he's _not_ gonna get me outta control. Which is what he's trying to do. No. I've had enough time to think about this shit. I'm fuckin' ready.

"Or maybe," Brendon chuckles, "I would've forced her to raise it with me. Called it _Junior_. Maybe make her have some of my babies, too."

I can hear the the crowd gasp and murmur in disgust behind me. I put a smile on my face and gesture to Brendon as I look back at the crowd. "See how fuckin' horrible this motherfucker is?! How the fuck did he hide all that crazy while he was here?!" I call out. "And by the way," I look back to Brendon, "I read all those journals you kept. I know just what a sick fuck you are." I turn to the crowd. "Families. Women. _Children_! He's slaughtered almost everyone he's come in contact with! So there is absolutely _no_ question that this fuck needs to die."

I walk over to Fat Joey and hold my hand out. "Give me your switchblade."

He roots around in this pocket and sets the knife in my hand. "Th-There you go, sir"

I hold Lucille out to him. "Take my girl. But be gentle."

He grabs ahold of her lightly. "Yes, sir."

I turn back to Brendon and stand close to him. "Grab his arms and hold his head back," I say to the saviors on either side of Brendon and they obey. One of them grabs Brendon's hair and tilts his head back. "Good." I flick the blade out right beside Brendon's face. "Fast or slow, people?" I call out to the crowd. They have no idea what I'm gonna do, but I want to drag it out a little for Brendon. Make sure he's got every fuckin' thing I could possibly do to him rattling around in his head.

"Do it slow, sir!" Someone yells out. "Make the bastard suffer!"

I nod animatedly as I chuckle. "Hold him still," I direct at my men.

Brendon's smile doesn't drop a bit. Goddamn, he's cold as ice. His smile doesn't even fall when I start to put the blade up his left nostril carefully. But I can see that he's breathing harder.

"Did you know that noses have a shit ton of blood vessels?" I start to taunt. "That's why if you get a nosebleed," I start to pivot the blade outward in his nose so it starts to cut into his nostril from the inside, nice and slow, "it bleeds like a motherfucker!"

He has his lips set in a tight fuckin' frown now as I start to see the tip of the knife come out of his skin. He's trying hard as fuck not to scream, but that won't be the case much longer, I bet. I finally flick the knife all the way out, completely spitting open his nose and causing blood to gush out of it almost immediately. He still doesn't scream, but lets out a loud growl as he tries to squirm as much as he can.

I have the biggest fuckin' grin on my face.

But then that fucker starts to laugh. "That all you got, _Coach_?" He gives me a huge smile back, his teeth covered with the blood pouring out of his nose.

I sneer for a moment before I shrug nonchalantly. "Look at that fuckin' smile! How long you think you'll have that smile for?" I look out to the crowd. "Any bets? One minute? Two minutes? Fifteen seconds?"

"You don't scare me. I'll be smiling this whole fucking time," he growls at me cockily.

I suddenly grab his jaw and wrench it down, opening his mouth since my guy still has a good hold on Brendon's hair. I take the switchblade and slice it right through both of his cheeks. Good ole Glasgow smile.

"Shit! You were right!" I laugh when he makes this weird surprised whining noise. "You're gonna have that fuckin' smile the rest of your life! Though that's not gonna be that fuckin' long!"

He still doesn't scream. But he's growling and grunting. And he's starting to shake. His fuckin' body is going into shock.

"Hold that fucker's arms out nice and wide." My men obey.

I go over to Fat Joey and exchange his switchblade for Lucille. "You know, the collarbones are the most easily broken bone? It really doesn't take much." I get in front of Brendon. "And when you _do_ break them, your arms are fucking useless! Like limp ass noodles just dangling from your shoulders!" I bring Lucille down hard on his right shoulder, then his left immediately after before he can react.

He finally does let out a scream, but he tries to reel it in right after. Fucker's still trying to act like he doesn't give a shit about all this. "You... ffffuck!"

I cup my hand to my ear. "What was that?" I taunt with a laugh. "Let him go," I say to my men. "He can't do shit now."

I expect that fucker to drop to the ground when my men let go, but he doesn't. He stumbles a bit, but doesn't go down. I guess I'll have to help him. I swing Lucille down low and up in between his spread legs as hard as I fuckin' can. Pretty sure I broke something because he lets out a high pitched wail and falls to the ground in the fetal position.

I kick him once so he turns into his back. "How did that fuckin' feel, you sick fuck! Why don't fuckin' compare it to all the shit you made innocent people go through!" I straddle his legs and set Lucille down beside me. I wrap my hands around his throat and squeeze. I admit that, now, I'm losing a little control. Now that I actually have my fuckin' hands on him. "I'm gonna watch the life fuckin' drain from your eyes, motherfucker!" I growl. "Keep your eyes open! I want to be the last thing you'll ever fuckin' see."

He's trying to fight back but his arms are fucking useless. He kicks his legs but he's getting weak from blood loss and lack of oxygen. I push down harder on his throat and his eyes bulge out. I start to growl as I shake him.

"She was never yours!" I hiss. His face is bright red now. "This is what happens when you touch. what's. _mine_!" I punctuate my words by slamming his head to the ground with each one. "It's time for you to die, you fucking piece of shit!" I lean all of my weight on his neck and squeeze as hard as I can until I feel his windpipe collapse. But I don't stop. I stay just like that for a couple more minutes until I'm sure that fucker is dead.

I lean back and catch my breath before I take out my own big ass knife and cut open his shirt. I carve "rapist" into his chest and stab that fucker right in the dick just to hit my point home. I get up, put my knife away, and pick up Lucille.

"Someone put this fuck on the fence when he turns."


	39. Chapter 39

Chuck lets out a sigh as she and Simon wait in Negan's office for him to get there. Simon is leaning on Negan's desk, staring at Chuck with an odd expression on his face as she paces the room. Feeling his gaze, she gives him a quick glance and then looks away when she meets his eyes.

Moments later when she looks back at him, and he's still staring at her, she speaks up. "What?"

"What, what?"

"You're staring at me."

"Sorry." He looks away. "It's just... You're okay, right?"

She lets out a huff. "I'm _fine_. I'm not gonna break down or anything," she mutters in frustration.

"Okay." He stands up from the desk.

"So stop looking at me like you're waiting for me to freak out."

"I'm not-" He shakes his head and holds his hands out in a placating way. "Okay, kiddo. Sorry."

Both of their heads turn to the doorway as Negan walks through it. Chuck's eyes immediately go to Negan's hands, which are splotched with blood. His pants are smeared with it as well, but Chuck tries not to stare.

Negan sets Lucille on his desk and turns to Simon. "Go downstairs and see that that fuck gets strung up by the gate. I wanna see that fucker every time I leave."

"You're putting him on the fence?" Chuck asks quietly.

Negan turns his head to her. "You okay with that?" he asks genuinely.

She thinks a moment. She's not sure if she really wants to see undead Brendon close up. But, then again, she probably wouldn't ever see him if he's by the gate. Since Negan doesn't ever want her to leave.

"Um. Yeah. That's- He-" She clears her throat. "That's part of the punishment, right?"

"Yeah, baby girl. It is."

Chuck lets out a breath. "Then I'm okay with it."

Negan looks to Simon and gives him a nod.

Simon nods back. "Okay, then." He squeezes Chuck's shoulder reassuringly as he walks past her to leave.

"Wait," Negan calls out and Simon stops just before the door. Negan takes his leather jacket off and hands it to him. "Give this to laundry. I want it fuckin' cleaned and back up here in an hour."

Simon takes the jacket and nods. "Sure thing, brother."

After Simon leaves, Negan gives Chuck a long look and lets out a sigh. "I need a fuckin' shower before I do anything else." He looks down at his bloody hands and tries to wipe the drying liquid off on his pants.

"Okay." Chuck wants to talk to him right now. She wants to tell him that she saw what he did and that she's okay with it. That he doesn't have to try to hide it from her. But she also wants to ask him if _he's_ okay with it. She knows that he's killed many people before, but it still has to affect him in some way. And he's not very good at talking about his emotions on his own.

She watches him go into the bathroom and close the door partway like he usually does. He has a bad habit of leaving the door ajar, or completely open while he's in there.

She tries her hardest to be patient and wait for Negan to come back out to talk, but she can't. She pushes the door open slowly and shuts it behind herself.

"I hope that's you, Chuck." Negan calls out from the shower over the sound of the water splashing down by his feet.

"It's me," she responds.

"Don't flush while I'm running the water."

"I-I don't need to use the toilet."

"Then what are you doing in here? Are you hoping to get an eyeful of my big dick, little girl?" he teases.

She giggles a little, but she's still nervous about talking to Negan about what happened with Brendon. "I just wanted to see if you're okay. You know... after everything that went on today."

"I'm great!" he calls out. "Really fuckin' great. You don't have to worry about me, baby girl."

"Okay. That's good," she starts hesitantly. "But, um..." She clears her throat. "I, uh... When me and Simon left to come up here, uh... I didn't... come up here. I watched what you did to Brendon from the window in the second floor rec room. So I kinda know what you did."

Negan doesn't say anything for a moment which makes Chuck even more nervous. And the frosted glass of the shower obscures Negan's face from her, so she can't see his expression.

"I didn't want you to see that," he finally says.

"I wanted to see it. I mean, I'm glad I didn't see it up close, but... I wanted to _know_ that he was gone."

"Goddamnit, Chuck," he mutters to himself. "You shouldn't see that shit at all."

"Why not? Everyone else saw it. I'm no different-"

"Yes you are!" he cuts her off. "Or at least you fuckin' should be. Especially if I can fuckin' help it." He turns the water off and shoves the door open.

Chuck pulls the towel off the rack and hands it to him, blushing a little at the sight of Negan's naked body.

"See what I mean? We've been fucking... You're three months pregnant with my kid, for Christ's sake, and you still blush when I get my dick out." He rubs the towel over his hair and body before wrapping it around his waist. "I don't want that shit to change." He brushes his fingers over her warm cheek. "I don't want the ugly shit in this world to seep into you like it has everyone else. Because you're my sweetheart. And I want you to fuckin' stay that way."

She leans up to give him a sweet kiss on the cheek. "I'm not changing any time soon."

He wraps his arms around her and pulls her into him. "Good." He kisses her neck, causing her to giggle. "You ready for this party?" He leans back up to look at her face.

"Yeah. I mean, I've never really liked parties, but..." She shrugs.

"Whenever you want to leave, just fuckin' tell me."

"Okay."

Negan finishes getting dressed and ready for the party, making sure Lucille is clean and oiled, too. When the laundry worker comes up with his leather jacket looking nice and pristine, he and Chuck head downstairs to the cafeteria walking hand in hand.

Chuck can hear the celebration coming from the cafeteria long before she and Negan get to the doorway. "Jeez. It sounds like people are having a good time already," she states with some nervousness. She knows she's going to have to walk around all those people in there. And on Negan's arm, no less, which means all eyes will be on them.

Negan chuckles. "Guarantee everyone's gone through those free fuckin' drinks already. They don't fuck around when they have the occasion to have a good time." He looks down at her, noticing the way that she's biting her lip. "Don't worry, baby girl. You'll be fine."

As soon as the pair can be seen through the open doorway, someone calls out, "Negan's here!" jovially. Everyone's heads turn towards the pair and they all start to kneel.

Chuck squeezes Negan's hand and looks up at him to try to calm her self a little. Having so much attention on her has her heart beating fast in her chest.

Negan gives her a wink then holds his head up high. "It looks like y'all are having a good ass time! Which is fuckin' _great_ because this is a good. ass. day! Not only did we put down a bad motherfucker that had no right breathing the same air as you fine people," he puts his hand on Chuck's stomach, "but we're celebrating the announcement of my wife's pregnancy!" He kisses Chuck's head then looks back out to the room. "So get the fuck up and celebrate!"

Everyone rises and starts to applaud and cheer. As Negan and Chuck meander through the crowd still hand and hand, Chuck sees the happiness on everyone's faces as they call out their congratulations on their pregnancy.

"God bless you and Negan!" an older woman calls out to Chuck as she holds her hand out to her.

Unsure of what to do, Chuck takes the woman's hand and holds in in her own. "Thank you, ma'am," she says genuinely.

"Oh, thank you!" The woman brings Chuck's hand to her cheek and pats it lovingly. "Thank you!"

The woman lets go and the pair make their way to a small empty table set up just for them at the front of the room facing all the other tables. As they take their seats, everyone else does, too.

"Why was that woman thanking me?" Chuck whispers to Negan. "I didn't do anything."

Negan places his hand on her stomach. "Babies mean a future. You're giving these people hope." He chuckles. "And these people love the fuck outta me. This baby is my heir. So they love the fuck outta it, too. And you're making all that happen." He kisses her sweetly as if to punctuate his point.

Once everyone is situated at the tables, kitchen workers pour out of the kitchen and start to serve dinner, starting with Negan and Chuck.

"Thank you," Chuck says politely to the teenage girl that serves her.

The girl looks up to her and gives a surprised smile, like she wasn't expecting to be thanked. "Y-you're welcome, miss."

When everyone is finished with dinner, workers come out and clear the dishes. Chuck thanks the same young girl again and receives another genuine smile.

Negan stands from his table. "I want all you people to have fuckin' fun tonight! We have games, music, and of course, _booze_! For those of you that haven't burned through those free drinks, yet." Everyone laughs. "Someone get some fuckin' poker games going, cuz I am all about that shit!"

The residents start to mill around, going from table to table to find just what they want to do to entertain themselves.

Negan turns to Chuck. "I'm going to the bar to grab a drink. You gonna come with?"

"Nah," Chuck answers and stands from her chair. "I think I'm just gonna look around. Maybe I can get into some sorta game myself."

"Alright." He kisses her then moves his mouth to her ear. "My guys know to look out for you," he whispers.

She pulls back to look at him. "You told them to guard me? Like a security detail?" She gives him a little smirk showing him that she's not exactly upset, but not exactly happy with that news.

"Fuck yes, I told them to guard you," he responds with a little chuckle. "These assholes are probably gonna be drunk as fuck pretty damn quick. So I requested some of my guys stay fuckin' sober and keep their eyes on you, just in case someone gets rowdy around you."

She gives him a look and lets out a huff, knowing that there's no point in trying to fight him on it. "Okay."

He leans in close to her. "That's my good girl," he whispers into her mouth then kisses her, slow and passionate.

The kiss makes Chuck forget that she's in a room with every single one of The Sanctuary's residents. That is, until one of them lets out a wolf whistle.

"Are you trying to get her _more_ pregnant, sir?" a young savior calls out with a laugh.

Negan pulls away from Chuck and laughs himself. "Shit, son!" He walks around the table and moves toward the savior. "If that's how you think fuckin' babies are made then we are in _dire_ need of some sex ed around here!"

Everyone within earshot joins in with the joking. Despite the fact that Chuck's ears are burning and her cheeks are red, she laughs, too.

When Negan walks off to get his drink at the little bar that was set up for the occasion, Chuck wanders around, watching people play games at the tables. She sees a few saviors keeping their eyes on her, but they're doing a good job at not being too intrusive.

"Miss?" a gentle voice comes out from behind Chuck.

Chuck turns around to see the teenage girl that served her dinner. In her hands are a glass of ice and a pitcher of lemonade. "Hello," Chuck greets.

"Would you like some lemonade?" the server asks sweetly. The skinny girl couldn't have been older than fifteen, with sandy blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail.

"Yes, please. That sounds awesome."

The girl pours the drink into the glass and hands it to Chuck.

"Thank you." Chuck takes a gulp of the sweet beverage and lets out a little moan. "Oh, that's good! Did you make it?"

The girl smiles shyly. "Yes." She shrugs one shoulder. "Well, I made it from a mix."

"Nicole!" A woman stomps toward the girl and looks at Chuck apologetically. "I'm sorry, miss." She looks to the girl. "What did I tell you about talking with them? She doesn't want you bothering her."

"It's okay, mom. She's nice," Nicole explains to the woman.

The woman doesn't look convinced and turns back to Chuck. "I'm so sorry, miss. This is her first job here and she's never been around a wife before." The woman tries to pull the girl away, but Chuck stops her.

"No, wait! It's okay," Chuck responds quickly. "I don't mind her talking to me."

The woman turns back to Chuck with a look of confusion on her face.

"And you don't have to call me 'miss'. You can just call me Chuck." Chuck holds her hand out to properly meet the woman.

She shakes Chuck's hand tentatively. "I'm Julie. And this is my daughter Nicole."

"It's nice to meet you guys."

Chuck talks with the pair for a few minutes before they have to get back to work in the kitchen. She looks around as they leave and sees that there are many other residents who were watching her interactions with the mother and daughter. She smiles at them and walks to the bar to set her empty glass down.

After walking around and taking more congratulations from workers and saviors alike, Chuck sees a group of guys setting up instruments, complete with an electric drum kit. Chuck figures that real drums would be way too loud, even with how big the Sanctuary is. Her eyes skim past the other instruments and land on a vintage Fender Stratocaster set up beside the microphone.

 _There is_ _ **no**_ _way I'm passing that up. That is my dream guitar and I'm_ _ **going**_ _to play it._

Chuck walks over to the guys and clears her throat. "That's an awesome guitar."

The guy closest to her turns and gives her a look. Like he doesn't want her there. "That's _my_ awesome guitar."

She can't help but sneer a little back at his snotty tone. "Can I play it?" she asks politely despite the fact that he doesn't really deserve it.

The guy looks around, Chuck figures to see how far away Negan is. "Look, wife-number-whatever, this ain't a guitar for beginners, okay? It would be offensive to all the truly great musicians that have used a guitar like this to let someone like _you_ put your fingers on it." He gives her a smug grin.

Chuck goes right past offended and straight to angry at what the guy said. But she doesn't say anything. She just picks the guitar up, knowing that no one would actually touch her, and swings the strap around her shoulder. She grabs a pick from the microphone stand and strums the guitar once to check the tuning. She turns the amp on and starts to play the opening riff to the song that has been stuck in her head all day for some reason. Unholy Confessions by Avenged Sevenfold.

When she finishes the riff, she looks to the guy with a smug grin of her own. "Sorry for offending you." She starts to take the guitar off, but the guy standing by the drum set speaks up.

"Hey, wait. We know that song. Keep playing." He sits down at his drums and the other men pick up their guitar and bass respectively to play.

"What?!" the first guitarist calls out. "You're gonna play with her?"

"She's better than you, dude," the guitarist to her right answers. "You sing?" he asks her.

"Yeah. I can sing."

The drummer counts down and the quartet starts to play the heavy rock song. By the time the chorus hits, a crowd of people are congregating around them, listening to them play.

Chuck scans the room as she sings and finds Negan sitting at a table playing poker. But his eyes are on her. She smiles at him as she plays her favorite part in the song.

When they finish the song, everyone claps and cheers.

"I've never seen a pregnant chick rock so hard," the bassist comments.

Chuck giggles. "I'm rocking for two now," she chortles.

The guys around her laugh. "You're not at all like I thought one of Negan's wives would be," the drummer adds.

Chuck shrugs her shoulders and hands the guitar back to its owner. "I'm just me, I guess. Thanks for playing with me." She walks away with a little wave, headed for Negan's table.

As soon as Chuck gets to Negan, he wraps his arms around her and pulls her to sit across his lap. "Negan!" she squeaks.

Everyone at the table chuckles and it makes Chuck's cheeks turn red.

"I liked the song you played," Fat Joey says to Chuck.

"Oh. Thank you."

"Yeah. Where'd you learn to play like that?" another savior Chuck remembers as TJ asks.

Chuck shrugs. "I've just always played."

"My girl's fuckin' talented as shit!" Negan kisses her temple and lays down his hand. "Full house!"

"Dammit!" Arat throws her cards on the table. "It's impossible playing with you!"

"Sorry, sister!" Negan laughs. "You wanna get my chips for me, baby girl?" he asks Chuck with a smirk.

Chuck leans forward so she can gather Negan's winnings and swipes them into his large pile.

"Such a sweetheart for me," Negan rasps almost under his breath and runs his hand up her thigh.

"You're embarrassing me," Chuck whispers to him with a little smile to try to hide her blushing cheeks.

Negan raises his eyebrows. "Because of them?" he says a little too loudly as he gestures to the people at the table.

"I'm sure they don't want to see all this."

"They don't give a shit, Chuck."

Chuck looks around the table and sees that everyone there is barely paying attention to her and Negan, too focused on their cards.

As the game progresses and Chuck still sits with Negan, she finds herself participating in their conversations.

"So, how far are you, Chuck?" Laura, the savior with the neck tattoo asks.

"Thirteen weeks."

Laura smiles and it catches Chuck off guard. The woman is rather harsh looking, but the smile softens her considerably. "The second trimester is easier than the first. You're in for some smooth sailing until the third trimester. Then things get shitty again."

"You have children?" Chuck asks.

Laura throws her chips in and answers. "A little boy. Niko. He's four and crazy as fuck."

Everyone chuckles. Apparently they are familiar with Laura's kid.

"If you guys have a girl," Fat Joey directs to Chuck and Negan, "maybe she'll get with Niko." He laughs.

"Jesus Christ!" Negan yells. "I don't want to fuckin' think about _any_ possible girls of mine getting with fuckin' _anyone_! Shit! Gonna give me a damn heart attack already!"

Chuck giggles as everyone laughs, too.

"What if it's a boy?" Arat jumps in. "Bet you won't have any problems with him getting with any girls, right?"

Negan narrows his eyes at Arat.

"She has a point." Chuck pats Negan's chest.

"Fine, fine. I get it. Sexism." Negan lets out a huff and looks to Chuck. "I'm gonna teach our sons to be respectful as fuck, so you won't have to worry about them mistreating anyone. But you know our daughters are gonna be _beautiful_ as fuck and you can't count on people raising their sons as good as we will. You're gonna be shooing those boys away, too, just like me."

Chuck can't help but smile as she looks down at Negan. "Sons? And daugh _ters_?"

"Well _yeah_ ," he answers gently and puts his hand on her stomach. "This one's just the first."

Chuck sits with Negan for a while longer before she has to excuse herself to use the restroom. When she comes back in, she walks by a table playing Trivial Pursuit. The boys playing look to be in their late teens, but one boy looks a bit younger. And he's not doing so well at the game.

The boy moves his piece and lands on the pink pie space.

"Ooo! Let's see if Jack can get his first pie!" another boy teases and picks up the card to read off the question. "Which unlikely hit won the Academy Award for best picture in 1992?"

The boys all seem to notice Chuck standing by them at the same time and quiet down. Like they were just caught doing something they shouldn't by a teacher.

Chuck leans down to the youngest boy and whispers in his ear, "Silence of the Lambs."

The boy looks back up to her with confusion on his face.

"The answer," Chuck clarifies quietly.

"Uh." The boy turns back to the question asker. "S-Silence of the Lambs."

The other teenager flips the card over to check the answer. "Correct."

The boy happily picks up his pie piece and puts it in his pie. He looks up to Chuck with pink cheeks. "Thank you."

Chuck smiles back down to him making his cheeks redden even more. "You're welcome."

Negan suddenly comes up from behind them and leans on the back of the boy's chair. "You trying to steal my wife from me, Jack?"

"N-No, sir!" he quickly answers.

Negan laughs. "I'm just fuckin' with you kid! But I _am_ gonna have to steal my wife away."

Negan takes Chuck's hand and leads her away to an open part of the room. He turns around to face her, still holding her left hand in his right, and wraps his free left arm around her waist, pulling her close.

"What are you doing, Negan?" She wraps her free hand around his shoulder.

He brings her hand up, holding it out with his and starts to sway with her.

She instantly looks down at her feet to try to keep from stepping on his toes.

"Look up, sweetheart. You can't look at your feet while we dance."

She looks up. "You know I'm horrible at dancing. How am I supposed to know where to step if I can't see my feet?"

"You just gotta _feel_ it," he answers with a smirk.

"I thought you said you don't dance anyway." She steps on his left foot. "Oops. Sorry."

Negan lets out a soft breath. "I didn't think I'd ever dance like this again," he replies quietly.

Chuck understands what he's saying. She's sure that the last person he actually danced with was probably Lucille. And that he most likely never thought he'd care about another woman enough to be so intimate with her.

She smiles up at him, but it drops when she steps on his foot again. "Shoot! Sorry. I'm not good at this."

"Stand on my feet," he requests.

"Like a six year old?" she jokes.

He chuckles. "Just do it."

Chuck kicks her heels off and stands on his feet. "Better?" She giggles.

Negan squeezes her into him more. "Better."

She leans her head back a little to look at his face. "I think we need to start getting ready for the baby. I mean, we don't have a nursery or anything."

He inhales deeply then lets it out. "Yeah. I think we can knock out a doorway in my room to the room beside or something. I'll get some guys on it."

"We need furniture, too. A crib, changing table, a chair for nursing."

His lips curl up into a smile. "I can get all that."

Chuck can't help but smile, too. "Good." She turns her head to rest her cheek on his shoulder. Even the stares of all the people around her can't force the smile off her face.


	40. Chapter 40

The next few days are pretty quiet for Chuck, which she's actually thankful for. She's also thankful for the fact that she's been feeling pretty good, lately. Her nausea has pretty much disappeared and she hasn't felt nearly as tired as she once was. Kayla told her that this is all normal for the second trimester and Chuck's not complaining.

This day, Chuck wakes up to Negan barking orders into his radio from the office. Since it's about the time she usually wakes up anyway, she rises from the bed and wraps her newly acquired robe around her and puts on her slippers. She walks through the kitchen to peek her head into the office, making sure no one else is there before she walks in.

"Morning," she says quietly since Negan still has his radio out. She doesn't want to disturb him too much if he still has business to attend to.

Negan puts the radio back on his belt and walks to her. "Morning, sweetheart." He wraps his arms around her and kisses her head. "Did I wake you up?"

She hugs him tightly and kisses his cheek. "It's okay." She pulls back and gestures to Negan's radio. "What was all that?"

"A fuckin' herd went by RA outpost earlier," he answers casually and walks to the kitchen. "Want some pancakes?"

She follows him and pours herself a glass of milk, courtesy of Hilltop and their cows. And the hill-folk always make sure to pasteurize the milk so it's safe to drink. Which Negan made sure of before Chuck was allowed to touch it. "Yeah. Pancakes sound great." She sits at the counter with her glass and watches Negan. "Everything okay at Rolling Acres?"

He gets the ingredients out for the pancakes as well as the griddle and a bowl while he talks. "It's fine. The walls fuckin' held and someone got out to lead those dead fucks away. But that's too fuckin' close to The Sanctuary and it shouldn't've fuckin' happened." He starts to stir all the ingredients together to make the batter as the griddle heats up. "I'm just wondering what those dickheads who are supposed to lead herds away from my goddamn outposts were actually doing. Because it sure as fuck wasn't their damn jobs."

"Maybe the dead just got turned around somewhere," Chuck provides with a shrug.

"Maybe. I'm gonna have to get some more fuckin' blockades all around my shit. Maybe dig some trenches. Try to make it so those herds can't get that fuckin' close again."

When he pours the batter on the griddle, Chuck's mouth practically waters. Her appetite has come back full force since her nausea has gone away. "Did you talk to Rick, yet?" Chuck changes the subject.

Negan gives her a look before turning back to the stove. "Not yet. Why you fuckin' asking?"

"I want you to get friendly with them so Aaron can visit."

"My 'getting friendly' rests on Rick 'getting friendly'. And he's kind of a dick."

"From what you've said, he sounds a lot like you."

"You calling me a dick, little girl?" He turns around with a plate full of pancakes and sets it in front of her along with some maple syrup.

She giggles and shrugs. "I'm just saying, it seems like you guys are kinda similar. Both leaders. Both will do anything to keep their people safe." She pours the syrup all over her pancakes and digs in.

Negan gives her a little grimace. "He's still a dick." He turns back to the stove to finish making his own food.

"Please be nice to them," she starts with a full mouth before swallowing. "I don't want to have to be enemies with my own uncle."

Negan holds his hands up and turns his head to her. "I'll fuckin' try, okay? I was planning on heading out that way tomorrow anyway. Get this shit actually started between us."

"What is their settlement like?" Chuck asks as she swirls a bite of her pancakes in the excess syrup on her plate.

Negan turns around with his own plate and sets it on the counter. He walks around to sit beside Chuck and starts eating after pouring a hefty amount of syrup for himself. "It's fuckin' nice. Like a perfect little neighborhood. Your fuckin' uncle's got it good. That is, if they can sort their whole fuckin' food shortage situation." He cuts himself a big bite and shoves it in his mouth with his fork.

"We can help-"

"No, baby girl," he interrupts with food in his mouth. "I'm not _giving_ our shit away. If they wanna fuckin' work for it, then we can talk." He finishes chewing and swallows before shoving another bite in his mouth.

"But we _do_ have a lot of food. And now we have the crops at Rolling Acres _and_ Hilltop."

Negan lets out a sigh. "Chuck-"

She doesn't let him finish. "I'm just saying, trade is possible. If they need food, then they can provide something and _we_ can provide them food. Savior-ing isn't just for fair maidens. Sometimes dicks named Rick and his people need a little saving, too." She giggles a little at herself and takes a bite.

He gives her side eye, but looks amused underneath it. "I'm gonna talk to Rick. And we'll fuckin' see what comes after that."

Later that day, Chuck decides to take a walk outside since the weather is still pretty mild. _And_ since she's finding herself with a bit more energy as of late. As she walks the halls, she starts to notice that people are giving her little nods as she passes. At first, she ignores it, thinking that it means nothing. But once she realizes that they are actually nodding at her, she starts to greet them back. They all smile warmly at her as they continue on their ways. Some of them even giving her congratulations for the baby and shaking her hand.

It's a change for Chuck. She's used to being ignored for the most part. And that's the way she's always liked it. But the way that everyone is being so accepting of her and so happy with the news of the baby has a warmth growing in Chuck's heart.

Chuck finds herself outside and near the gardens. When she looks around, she sees the familiar faces of the women that she helped in the garden after the hurricane came through. Plus one unfamiliar face. She walks up to the women and gives them a little wave.

"Hello," Chuck greets the women.

When they all look up at her with unsure looks on their faces, Chuck gets nervous.

 _Oh god. I got too confident. I'm bothering them and they don't want me here. Or maybe they don't remember me..._

Chuck puts her hand on her chest. "It's Chuck. I, um, helped you guys out for a little bit after the big storm."

"Y-Yeah," Irene answers. "We remember you. It's just... You're a wife."

Chuck gives her a confused look. "Yeah?"

"Wives don't usually come out here," Patty jumps in.

"Yeah," Natalie agrees. "Like _never_."

"Well, I do," Chuck responds then looks down at her feet. "But, I guess I'll leave you guys alone..." She starts to turn away, but Irene stops her.

"Wait," Irene calls out. "You don't have to leave, Chuck. We're just not used to having a wife around here. Let alone the one that's pregnant. Negan won't be angry that you're out here with us, right?"

"No," Chuck answers, feeling a little relieved. "I'm allowed to leave the fifth floor." She bends down and touches one of the plants gently. "Can I help?"

The women look all around at each other. "Uh, sure," Patty answers almost like a question. "As long as that's... allowed."

Chuck kneels down and follows the women's instructions on what to do with the plants, which is mostly just weeding. They start to tell her about how they're planning on preparing the gardens for winter and what crops can grow late, since it's almost harvest time already. They also tell her about the plans to make some greenhouses, so everyone can have some fresh veggies all year round.

Eventually, the unfamiliar woman introduces herself. "I'm Paula, by the way."

Chuck gives her a smile and greets her, but doesn't extend her hand since both of their hands are covered with dirt.

Paula clears her throat. "I-I came here with..." Paula wipes her face with the back of her hand. "Um... I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what happened to you. I lived at the outpost with Brendon for a month and I didn't know he-"

"It's okay," Chuck cuts her off, not really wanting to talk about all that. "It's-It's all done now." She gives the woman a little smile as if to tell her not to worry about it.

Paula nods. "I'm just glad you're okay. And the baby, too."

Chuck gives her another smile and turns her head back to the soil. She's not really liking the tense air between all of them, so she decides to lighten it up a little. "Did you guys enjoy the party?"

They all laugh and turn their heads to Natalie, who looks a little ashamed.

"We all had a _very_ good time, didn't we Natalie?" Irene can barely get the sentence out through her chuckles.

"Shut up, okay?!" Natalie cries out, but with a smile on her face.

Chuck giggles at the women. "There's a story here, isn't there?"

"No!" Natalie exclaims.

"Yes!" all the other women yell at the same time.

"Ugh!" Natalie groans, but starts the story anyway. "I _might've_ drank too much and maybe I... _kinda_ gave a lap dance to a random savior."

"You did more than that since you did the walk of shame all the way down from the fourth floor the next day!" Irene gives Natalie a little nudge on the arm.

Natalie giggles and shrugs a shoulder. " _That_ part of the night I don't regret. He broke my little dry spell. And he broke it _very_ well."

Everyone laughs hard until they're interrupted by Simon, who they didn't even see approaching them.

"You girls seem to be having a lot of fun out here," Simon calls out as he puts his hands on his hips.

"It's just girl talk, Simon," Chuck provides, still giggling.

"Girl talk, eh?" he says with a nod.

"Yeah," Chuck confirms. "This is Natalie, Irene, Patty, and Paula." She points the women out to Simon as she says their names.

They all greet him.

"Hi." Patty gives him a shy little wave after everyone else calls out their greetings.

Simon gives her a nod. "Nice to meet you ladies." He looks down to Chuck. "You okay down there, kiddo?"

"I'm good. I kinda like working with the plants." Chuck gives a little shrug. "It's... relaxing."

"Good, good. Well," Simon hoists his pants up, "you ladies have a good day."

"Bye," Patty gives him another little wave and watches him walk off. "You could bounce a quarter off that ass," she mutters as her eyes are still on him, and everyone laughs.

— Negan's POV —

I'm sitting at my desk looking over some maps of the fuckin' area, thinking about where we could put blockades and shit when I hear a tap on my doorframe. I look up and see Kayla standing there, wringing her hands.

"Can I come in?" she calls out.

"Of course, darling." I take my glasses off and stand from my chair, gesturing to the seat in front of my desk. I wait for her to take her seat before I sit back down. "What's going on?"

She looks nervous. "Um... So... I've been thinking about everything and, uh..." She clears her throat. "Uh. Well..."

I already know what she's gonna fuckin' say. I've been wondering when this day would come. "Just spit it out, darling."

"I don't want to be a wife anymore," she blurts out. "It's just that... I want something _real_." She pauses, then starts to wave her hands in front of her. "N-Not that being with you has been _bad_ or anything!" She says quickly. "It's been good. I just want something... _more_."

"It's okay, Kayla," I say gently to calm her down. "You wives always had the choice to leave any time you fuckin' wanted. You know I'm not gonna fuckin' punish you for leaving."

"I know. But no one else has just quit before. And I've been wrestling with it because it's a big decision." She lets out a heavy breath. "It involves more people than just you, really. The other wives are like my family, too."

"Yeah. You girls have always been fuckin' good to each other."

She stares at me for a moment. "You know you haven't really needed us since Chuck came here."

I blink at her and nod once.

"I knew you didn't love us, or anything. I knew what our relationship was and I was fine with it. I didn't think I would ever want anything more than that after the turn. But, this place has become so much more than what I thought a place could be now. It's safe, secure. It's a real community. And people have _families_." She gives me soft smile and I realize why she's really asking to leave. "I want a chance for that."

"You deserve that, Kayla. I fuckin' mean that. You were always such a sweetheart. If you wanna join the workforce, you have my fuckin' blessing." I look her in the eyes. "And you'd be an excellent mother."

She smiles at me and laughs a little. "Thanks."

I let out a breath. "But I don't want you moving downstairs until Chuck has the baby. You don't have to be a fuckin' wife, but I want you up here close to her."

"Okay. I can do that." She lets out a sigh of relief and relaxes into the chair. "I was thinking, since Chuck isn't working with Dr. Carson anymore, I could take her place as his assistant. I already have the midwife stuff down, so he can teach me the more general stuff like he did with Chuck."

I nod. "Sounds fuckin' good to me."

Both of our heads turn to the door when Chuck randomly comes walking into the room with her head fuckin' down looking at her hands. When she finally lifts her head and sees us, she jumps a little and stops.

— —

"Oh, shoot!" Chuck says when she sees Kayla and Negan in the office. "I'm sorry I interrupted you guys. I was just going to wash my hands." She holds her dirty hands up. "I'll just go to the wives bathroom." She turns to go back out the door.

"You can stay, Chuck," Kayla calls out. "I was just about done anyway."

"Oh, ok." Chuck figures that Kayla just told Negan about wanting to move back downstairs. But she's not going to bring it up if they don't. That seems like it should be a private conversation.

Chuck washes her hands in the kitchen and comes back out to the office.

"Were you playing in the dirt?" Negan asks with a smirk.

Chuck sits in the chair beside Kayla. "Actually, I was. I helped the gardeners a little bit."

Kayla scrunches up her face. "Getting dirty isn't my idea of fun."

"I'm just gonna let that one fuckin' slide," Negan mutters with a chuckle.

Both women roll their eyes, but giggle nonetheless.

"How are you feeling?" Kayla asks Chuck.

"Really good. I didn't really realize how crappy I felt in the first trimester until I started to feel a little bit better. But I _am_ having a little pain like you said I might."

"Pain?" Negan asks quickly.

Kayla holds her hand out to calm him down. "It's normal. The uterus is expanding and it can cause some pain. Nothing to get freaked out about."

"I'm just so glad I'm not nauseous anymore," Chuck cuts in. "But I'm starting to want to eat _everything_." She chuckles. "And I swear I would actually kill a man for some chocolate. Not like some stale three year old chocolate bar either. Like something actually good."

Everyone laughs.

"You and me both, Chuck," Kayla says with a giggle.

After Chuck and Negan finish their dinner that night, Negan leads Chuck to the room directly beside his bedroom. He pulls out a key and unlocks the door, pushing it open with some force as it stuck a little. When the pair walk into the room, Chuck lets out a disappointed noise as she looks around.

Negan chuckles. "What?"

"This is the only locked room up here. I thought you kept something important or," she brings her hands up and wiggles her fingers dramatically, " _mysterious_ in it."

As it is, the room is completely empty. Except for the unfinished walls jutting out of the right side of the room. Chuck realizes that these must be from Negan's closet and bathroom. When they built his bedroom, they must've built into the room next door, then did nothing else with the rest of the room.

"Sorry to disappoint, sweetheart." He laughs. "We just never needed this this space for anything so we fuckin' left it."

"I see that. Now."

"You could've just asked what was in here."

She shrugs. "Where's the mystery in that?"

He walks forward into the room and raises his arms out wide. "What do you think?"

Chuck looks around. "It's ugly and concrete and half of it's not finished," she jokes.

A frustrated sigh leaves his lips. "Smartass." He chuckles before continuing. "Right there," he points to to the wall to Chuck's right, "that leads to my room. We can put a door right there and make this," he gestures to the space in front of it, which is beside the unfinished jutting wall, "a hallway. And everything else," he gestures widely to the room, "will be the fuckin' nursery."

Chuck can't help the smile that appears on her face at the thought. "It's perfect."

"Good." Negan goes over to her and wraps her in a hug. "I already got some guys on it, so they'll start getting shit done in here fuckin' quick. After the goddamn hurricane, I had some guys loot some old hardware stores for building materials and shit just in case we needed it."

Chuck pulls away to wander around the room, thinking of what it will look like when everything's done. "What colors do you want? For the walls and stuff."

"Don't we need to fuckin' wait to see if it's a boy or a girl?"

She turns back to him and shrugs. "Not really." She turns back to the wall and waves her hand at it. "I'm thinking maybe a pastel-y teal-y color. I think the blanket I'm making will go with that. And that's pretty gender neutral. Not that that's really important, anyway."

"'Pastel-y teal-y'?" He chuckles. "I love it."

She walks over to him and grabs his hand, leading him to the back wall. "We can put the crib here," she points to the area then moves her hand to point at another. "And a changing table here."

"Crib. Changing table. Got it," he rattles off, almost teasing. "We got a ton of baby stuff in storage. We keep that shit out of the marketplace so it's fuckin' available for anyone that gets knocked up. Don't want anyone hoarding that shit and trying to sell it on their fuckin' own for a profit."

She turns to the window. "Oh. I'll need a chair for nursing, too." She smiles sadly at a memory that comes to mind. "My grandpa built this gorgeous rocking chair for my grandma when she was pregnant with my mom. And she used it to nurse my mom and her brother. When my mom was pregnant with me, my grandparents gave it to her to use. I used to play on that chair all the time when I was little. Play until I wore myself out." She chuckles. "Then my mom would sit down in it and hold me in her arms until I'd fall asleep." Chuck's smile slowly fades. "I sat in it after I buried her." She shakes her head of her memories and changes the subject. "Should we start thinking of names?"

Negan looks at her a moment then gives a little shrug. "'Negan' if it's a boy and... 'Negan' if it's a girl," he jokes.

"That's not happening." Chuck giggles.

He snakes his arms around her and pulls her hips into his. "You got any fuckin' better names?"

"I will _definitely_ think of some." She thinks for a second. "Parker."

"Nope. Taught a kid named Parker and he was a little asshole."

"Hmm... Martin?"

"Nah."

"What about Barbara for a girl?"

"Are you planning on giving birth to an old fuckin' woman?!" He chuckles.

Chuck laughs. "We could call her Babs for short! That's cute!"

"Pass."

She lets out a frustrated groan. "Fine. We have a lot of time yet to pick out names."

Negan pulls her body tighter into his and lowers his mouth to her ear. "The only name I wanna hear you say tonight is mine, little girl. And you're gonna be fuckin' screaming it," he practically growls.

Chuck feels her whole face heat up at his words, but she doesn't pull away. Instead, she turns her head to place her lips to his ear. "I think I'd like that," she whispers.

"Fuck," Negan breathes out and stands to his full height. He grabs ahold of Chuck's hand and pulls her out of the room quickly.

Chuck giggles as she's pulled behind Negan; his large, fast strides have her practically jogging. As soon as they get into the bedroom, clothes are frantically stripped off with hands pawing wildly at one another.

Chuck turns away from Negan to turn down the bed spread and sheets. When she bends down to do so, Negan spanks her once.

"Negan!" Chuck squeaks out and whips around to see him.

He gives her the most innocent look he can muster and shrugs a shoulder. "Couldn't help it, baby. That ass was just fuckin' begging to be spanked."

"Is that so?" she teases.

"Mmhmm." He eyes her lasciviously and pulls her in for a passionate kiss by the back of her head. He suddenly pulls away and spins her around to face the bed, smacking her lightly on the bottom as he pushes her to bend over with her hands on the bed. "Fuck, you look so pretty like this." He runs his hands down her back, his left staying to grip her hip while his right moves to her sex.

Chuck arches her back and spreads her legs further apart to give him better access.

"Goddamn, you're my good girl," he rasps while running his fingers through her folds. "You gonna cum for me like a good girl?" He starts to swirl his fingers around her clit slowly.

"Yes," she answers breathlessly.

When he inserts the fingers of his other hand and starts to thrust them just right, Chuck lets out a soft moan. She bends down further to lean on her elbows and sets her forehead on the bed.

"That's it, baby. Give it to me." He speeds up his pace on her clit and angles his fingers inside her to hit all the right spots as he continues to massage her walls.

"Oh god, Negan." Her thighs start to twitch as her pleasure builds.

"Fuckin' say my name again, baby." He speeds up even more and Chuck can't hold back.

"Negan. Mmm. Oh god, Negan!" Her whole body tenses as she tips over the edge, pleasure racing through her like lightening.

Negan works her through her orgasm then wraps an arm around her hips, lifting her up. "Put your knees on the bed." He pats the back of her leg with his free hand to indicate what he wants.

Chuck obeys, bringing her legs up on the bed so she's on all fours.

"Oh fuck, you look hot as shit like this. Spread those knees."

She obeys with a giggle and arches her back to look over her shoulder back at Negan.

He bends down to kiss her between her shoulders before standing back up and entering her with a low groan. He grasps her hips and pulls her into him as much as he's thrusting into her. His pace is slow at first, but builds quickly.

"Fuck," Negan breathes out and leans his head back. "So fuckin' good."

"Ah!" Chuck clenches her fists into the sheets and starts to buck and push her hips into him as she lowers her shoulders to the bed. "Please, Negan."

He grabs her waist and pounds into her so fast and so deep that Chuck is coming undone again in no time.

"Fuck. Goddamnit!" Negan loses his rhythm and cums deep inside her with a loud growl.

Chuck collapses onto to bed as soon as he lets her go, still trying to catch her breath. Negan cleans her up gently and pulls her to lay on his chest in the bed.

"Fuck, baby girl. If you weren't pregnant already, I'd want to put a baby in you."

She laughs without opening her sleepy eyes and cuddles into him more. "I'd let you," she whispers.

He chuckles softly and kisses her head.

"I love you, Negan," she says before she falls asleep.

"I love you, Chuck."


	41. Chapter 41

"Baby girl?" Negan's gentle voice rouses Chuck from her sleep.

Chuck opens her still heavy eyelids and turns her head to look at Negan, sitting beside her on the edge of the bed. "Hmm?" she croaks.

Negan slowly pulls down the blankets to expose Chuck's naked torso and rubs his hand over her stomach. "I'm gonna head out to Alexandria in a little bit," he says quietly. "Just wanted to see my babies before I fuckin' left."

Chuck smiles up at him and holds her arms out, wordlessly asking Negan to lean down to her. He accepts and bends his body down to place a kiss on Chuck's neck, making her giggle lazily.

"You wanna fuck real quick?" he whispers in her ear.

She laughs lightly. "Too tired."

He shifts so that he's looking down at her face. "I'll do all the work," he says with a smirk and a wink.

She laughs lightly with barely open eyes and places her hand on her stomach. "We're too sleepy, daddy."

"Fuuuuuck," he groans. "You're busting out that daddy shit right after you tell me you _don't_ wanna fuck? That's just cruel, little girl."

She swats him on the shoulder lightly, but still laughs. "I meant because you're the _daddy_ of the _baby_."

"Sure, sure, little girl." He kisses her lips with a smile on this face then shifts downward toward her stomach. "Daddy'll be back later, baby," he whispers into it before placing a sweet kiss right above her belly button. He stands from the bed and grabs Lucille from where she was leaning on the nightstand.

"Tell Aaron I love him," Chuck rasps out then turns to lay on her side and cuddle into the pillows.

"Alright. Love you, sweetheart."

"Love you, Negan." She falls back asleep before she even hears the door close.

Later that day, Chuck decides to go back down to the gardens since she had such a good time there yesterday. On her way there, she bumps into Simon.

"Oh, hey, Simon," she greets him cheerily.

"Hey there, kiddo. I was just gonna get some gelato from the kitchen. Wanna join?"

"Uh, _yes_! Of course I do!" She laughs and follows him to the kitchen. When they get there, they are greeted by a kindly older lady named Hettie.

"Simon!" Hettie calls out from behind the island in the center of the kitchen. It looks as if she had just finished putting the gelato into containers to be put in one of the freezers. "Right on time!" She looks to Chuck. "And you must be Chuck!" She walks over to Chuck and places her hands on Chuck's arms. "Look at you!" She holds Chuck's arms out and looks her up and down. "You're all skin and bones, girl! We need to get some meat on you for that baby." She goes back to the island and starts to get bowls ready for Simon and Chuck.

"I think I have enough meat," Chuck responds with a giggle.

"What flavor you want, sugar?" the older woman asks. "Vanilla, cardamom, strawberry-"

"Ooh strawberry!" Chuck calls out quickly.

"Make that two," Simon adds with a smile.

Hettie starts to scoop the ice cream into the bowls. "That boy right there," she waves the scoop at Simon before scooping out some more gelato, "he is gonna weigh four hundred pounds if he keeps eating this stuff everyday. All these batches I've been making from Hilltop's regular milk deliveries and he's been eating most of it all by himself!"

Chuck laughs. "I can't blame him. If I had known you make it all the time, I would've been down here eating it too!"

"Well I'm not gonna grouse about you coming down here, sugar! If that baby wants something sweet, you give it to him!" Hettie hands one of the bowls to Chuck and then the other to Simon.

Chuck plunges her spoon into the frozen treat and brings it to her mouth. The second she tastes it, she can't help but smile. Negan had brought up some of the vanilla gelato once or twice for Chuck, but the strawberry has quickly become her favorite. "This is amazing!" Chuck exclaims after she swallows her bite.

"Well, sugar, I will always have a batch down here ready just for you!"

Chuck giggles. "Don't tell me that! I'll be down here all the time stuffing my face!"

Everyone laughs.

"Well tell that skinny husband of yours that he's more than welcome down here, too. I know that man can eat, but he's still skin and bones!" Hettie jokes with a wink.

"I'll let him know you'll be expecting him!" Chuck replies before she and Simon bid their farewells.

They take their bowls of gelato outside to sit at Chuck's picnic table.

"Don't tell Hettie," Simon says as he takes a bite, "but I've definitely gained some weight because of this shit." He points his spoon at the bowl.

"I'm probably going to, too," Chuck jokes with a laugh.

They sit at the table enjoying their treats for a few minutes before a group of young teenagers walks past.

"Hello, Miss Chuck," one boy, who Chuck recognizes as the boy she helped at the party, greets with a wave.

"Hello, Jack." Chuck waves back as the teens all look at Jack like he's a superstar for knowing her.

Simon chuckles when they walk out of earshot. "What was all that?"

"I talked to that kid at the party." She shrugs. "It's kinda weird having people know who I am. I'm used to everyone just ignoring me all the time."

"You're part of the upper echelon now, kiddo. Everyone knows you're Negan's number one wife."

Chuck gives Simon an incredulous look. "Number one? Why would everyone think that?" Chuck and everyone on the fifth floor knows that that's true, but Chuck doesn't know why anyone else would know that. Or even really care about it.

Simon gives a shrug and scratches at his cheek. "They saw the way he was with you at the party. And..." he clears his throat, "everyone knew he never wanted kids with any of the other women..."

Chuck just nods, not wanting to push the uncomfortable subject further with Simon.

There is an awkward silence for a few moments until Simon changes the subject. "So, where were you headed before I hijacked you?"

"The gardens. I liked working with the plants yesterday. It felt like I was actually helping out around here." Chuck gives Simon a little smile and takes a bite.

"Those lady gardeners seem... funny," he comments with a smirk.

"Yeah." Chuck giggles. "They're pretty crazy. But I like them." She takes another bite and swirls it around her mouth before swallowing. "You know, you can actually socialize with the workers a little. Just because they're not saviors, that doesn't mean they're not worthwhile."

He looks down at his lap for a moment like he's guilty. "I know. I know some of us saviors can be..."

"Snobby?" Chuck provides.

He chuckles. "Yeah. Snobby... to the workers. It's not that I don't think the workers are worthwhile..." he pauses to find the right words, "I guess it's pretty shitty, but it's just the way it is here. _We_ keep separate from _them_." He shrugs and takes a bite.

"It doesn't _have_ to be that way. You can make an example. Get out there and show the other saviors that it isn't 'us and them'. It's just 'us'. People will follow your lead."

He swallows his bite and throws his spoon into his now empty bowl. "You're probably right."

"I generally am," she jokes back.

They're silent for a few moments as Chuck finishes her ice cream.

"Are you... feeling okay?" Simon suddenly asks.

"Yes," Chuck answers with confusion in her tone. "Do I look sick or something?"

"No, no. You look fine. I just mean... with the ...baby. Is it all... okay?"

Chuck and Simon haven't really talked about the pregnancy since he first found out. She knew that it would take a while for him to come to terms with it, so she never wanted to discuss it until he was comfortable.

"Yeah. Everything's fine."

"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" he asks somewhat hesitantly.

"Not yet. A few more weeks and we should know."

He nods. "Oh." He scratches the back of his neck and clears his throat. "Me and Negan... We don't really talk about it. The... baby. He, uh... he doesn't really talk about you much with me. I've heard him talk with some of the guys..." He rubs his hand down his cheek and looks away. "He seems really happy with you. And proud of the baby."

Chuck lets out a deep breath. "I know things are... _weird_ between all of us. And I totally understand you not wanting anything to do with us," Chuck puts her hand on her belly and looks down at it before looking back to Simon, "but I hope you will be there with us. At least a little bit," she says hopefully.

"I-I want to be there for you guys. I do. Negan's my oldest friend. And I ...care about you, too. I want to be in your baby's life. I want you guys to talk to me about him, or her. Whatever it's gonna be."

Chuck can't help but smile as her eyes well up with tears. "That makes me so happy, Simon. My baby won't grow up with a lot of family. But you can be like 'Uncle Simon'."

His lips curl up into a smile. "I'd like that." He clears his throat. "Can I... Can I touch..." He points to her belly from across the table.

"Yeah. Sure. There's not really much there yet."

Simon comes around the table to sit next to Chuck. He slowly places his hand on her bump as he stares down at it. "When can you feel it move?" he whispers.

"Not for a while yet. Maybe a couple of weeks. Maybe longer, depending..." Chuck gives a shrug.

Simon backs away from her and chuckles at a thought. "When my sister had twins, she got fuckin' _huge_. She gained about a hundred pounds I think." He laughs, but it turns sad. "I never touched any other pregnant bellies besides hers."

Chuck nods, not exactly sure what to say after that. "She...?"

"I don't know," he answers the question before Chuck even asks it. "She moved out to Colorado with my mom about a year before the end." He shrugs. "So I don't know what happened with them. I don't have any family left..." he trails off.

Chuck just nods, still at a loss for what to say.

Simon sniffles then clears his throat with a cough. "Why don't I escort you over to the gardens?" He stands from the bench and helps Chuck up as well, leading them both in the direction of the gardens after.

"The bowls?" Chuck looks back and points to the mess they've left.

"Don't worry about it. I'll get them when I come back around."

— Negan's POV —

Getting to Alexandria is slow fuckin' going. It should've only taken about a fuckin' hour, but two hours in, and we're still not there. We've stopped four fuckin' times to clear shit off the road. And now, we have a goddamn herd passing by. It's not huge, but it's big enough that it would waste too many fuckin' bullets to clear out.

What the fuck is up with these herds? We have never had this many damn run ins in such a short amount of time with groups of the fuckin' dead before now. What the fuck is making them herd up? Maybe it's us. Clearing out all the stragglers and leaving just the herds. Well, what-the-fuck-ever it is, we're gonna have to find a better way to deal with them.

We finally get to Alexandria's gates and pull through. Rick's right there with his lapdog Daryl waiting for me to exit my truck.

I open my door and step out. "Well, well, boys!" I call out to them. "I had a fuckin' interesting drive over here!" I close my door and walk over to them with Dwight following me.

"Why's that?" Rick asks in a kinda bitchy tone already.

"Your road was shit! But we can discuss that later." I swing Lucille up onto my shoulder. "We headed to your humble abode, Ricky boy?"

Rick gives me a little nod and leads the way. When we get to his porch, I see that boy of his sitting on the floor playing with a little girl that can't be more than two years old. Rick opens the door and turns back to me.

"I think we can do this by ourselves, can't we?" Rick asks as he looks back to the two men behind us.

I look back to Dwight and Daryl, too, but I don't say anything. I turn back to Rick and and suck on my teeth with a grimace on my face. I'm pretty sure this fucker isn't gonna try to fuckin' kill me, but I don't want him to think I've let my guard down.

"I'm showing you some faith, Negan. I'll even let you bring your bat inside."

"Lucille," I correct him. "And you're goddamn right she's coming inside with me. I would never leave my lady behind."

Rick looks fuckin' pissed which amuses the shit outta me. But then I remember why I'm here. And what Chuck asked of me. She wants me to play nice so... I'll fuckin' try.

"But you're right. A little faith goes a long fuckin' way." I turn around to Dwight. "Stay out here with your new fuckin' buddy. Braid each other's hair or some shit."

Both men give give me the stink eye which makes me laugh. I turn away from them to follow Rick into his living room. He sits his ass down on his couch, so I sit in one of the armchairs sorta in front of him.

"So, Rick," I lean Lucille on the side of my chair, "what's the first order of business?"

"I've talked to my people," Rick starts. "We've agreed that trading with your group is in our best interest."

"Hmm," I respond. "The whole 'in your best interest' part is fuckin' obvious because you guys are in a goddamn pickle, right? You're low on food and that stuff you've planted in those brand new greenhouses I spied outside won't feed you guys. At least not yet." I lean forward in the chair. "Now, the whole 'trading' part..." I scrunch up my face, "what exactly do you have to trade that is equal in value to the fuckin' food that you will no doubt be asking me to provide?"

Rick scratches his neck. "We have workers. We can help you with scavenging, helping out around your settlement-"

"I don't need fuckin' men, Rick. In case you haven't noticed, most of the guys that I brought with me today aren't the guys I brought here the first time I came. That is because I have a _shit ton_ of men that I have at my disposal for these little excursions. And that's in addition to my own fuckin' workers that I have back home running my domestic shit." I hold out my hands and shrug my shoulders. "But it hasn't escaped my attention that you fuckers are well fuckin' armed. If you want to talk about lightening your armory, I'll be more than happy to oblige."

"No," he responds quickly with a shake of his head. "We can't do that. We won't trade our weapons."

I shrug. "Then what? I'm not a fuckin' charity, Rick. I got my own people to provide for. I need something in return."

"I-" He lets out a hard breath. "Our arrangement can be temporary, whatever it is. We can get back on our feet. We just need time to grow the food. Scavenge for more. We will help out with whatever you want to work off the debt. Just say what you want and we'll do it. I promise."

I mull it over for a minute. "Well. You're in fuckin' luck, Ricky boy. It just so happens that I've come up with a few plans for my corner of the world. _Which_ you find yourself adjacent to. Now," I gesture to him, "I'm sure Aaron told you where the fuck The Sanctuary is and I already know that you know where Hilltop is. Those settlements along with yours make a fuckin' triangle. And, eventually, I want that whole triangle fuckin' cleared and blocked off from the dead. I want it to be completely safe to travel between our groups. It's a fuckin' monumental task and it's gonna take a long ass time, but that's what I'm gonna work towards."

Rick nods. "We can help with that."

"You're goddamn right you're gonna help with that because it's gonna benefit your people, too. I wanna be able to travel between our groups fuckin' easily. And safely." I run my hand down my face and continue. "I want this shit started asap. But this plan of mine is gonna really kick into high gear in the winter."

Rick looks at me like I'm fuckin' insane. Which, normally, would be the case. Winters are a lot fuckin' harder now that society's fuckin' dead, so getting anything done is really fuckin' hard.

"I know it sounds fuckin' dumb, but it's not. Those slow ass dead fucks are even fuckin' slower in the cold. If you haven't noticed."

"I came here from Georgia. I haven't spent a winter this far north in my whole life." He chuckles before he can remember that he kinda hates me.

"Last winter," I start to explain, "I had my men go out after the temps dipped below freezing for a few days in a row. You see, the dead don't make their own fuckin' heat like you and me. When it freezes outside, those fuckers freeze, too. And when they freeze, they can't fuckin' move. My guys could just pick them off easy as pie. We cleared a shit ton of places pretty damn quickly."

"We can do that," Rick replies. "My people, we can coordinate with your people and help out."

"I want to get shit blocked off before the snow comes. Block roads, dig trenches. Try to keep as many of the dead from entering my goddamn area. Then, when winter comes, we can start clearing shit."

Rick nods. "I'll talk to my people. But this is a good plan. Clearing the entire area... It'll be better for everyone. We can actually start something more here. Something more than just surviving."

I lean back in the chair and rest my elbows on the arms. "You need to start by keeping those dead fucks away from your home. We had to wait out a herd a few miles away from your gate."

Rick gives me a knowing look. "We just led a herd off yesterday." He shakes his head. "It seems like there's more of them around now."

"I've noticed that, too. We'll have to handle that shit when we get to it. Which hopefully will be in the winter when they'll be fuckin easier to put down."

Rick nods. "Maybe before then we can lead them all into a gully, some place they can't get out of until winter. Then when they freeze, we can take care of all of them easily." He scratches his beard then looks up at me. "And I think I know a place. There's this quarry not far from here that's pretty well blocked off."

Shit, that's smart. Lead all those dead fucks to one place and kill them all in one go when they freeze. Not that I'm gonna fuckin' tell him that's a good fuckin' idea. "That _might_ work." I cock my head to the side like I'm still not too sure about it. "I'll get some plans in the works. We can do this all strategically. Make a grid and get blockades and shit put up systematically. Then we'll coordinate. You folks can stay up this way. Me and my men will be around my shit, then we'll meet in the middle. And I will supplement your efforts with some food until you get your own shit going."

"Good." Rick slicks back his hair then looks at me after a moment. "Aaron told me about his niece being pregnant with your child."

Fuckin' great. Of course he fuckin' did.

At least I _kinda_ trust Aaron not to do anything that will put Chuck in any danger. So if he trusts Rick enough to let him know about Chuck, then maybe I shouldn't freak the fuck out about it.

But I still don't fuckin' like it.

I let out a huff and bite down on my bottom lip as I glare at Rick.

"I get why you wouldn't spread that around, but you have nothing to worry about with us, Negan. We want to work with you."

"I don't wanna take any fuckin' chances, Ricky boy," I respond truthfully. "Wouldn't you do anything to protect your woman if she was fuckin' pregnant?"

I can tell that I hit a nerve because he takes in a sharp breath and looks down. "My wife... from before... She got pregnant after all this started."

I realize that the woman he's with now must not be his wife. So I already know where this story is gonna fuckin' end up. "The little girl with your son outside. She your daughter?" I ask when he pauses. She must be his fuckin' kid, too.

He nods. "Her name's Judith. Lori was my wife. I got her some place safe for the baby. I even found a doctor- Well, he was a vet. But he was trained. I tried..." He takes a deep breath. "It didn't matter. She died in childbirth. And I couldn't get to her. Carl had to... finish it."

"Fuck," I whisper. "That's fucked up."

Rick lifts his eyebrows to agree. "I want to make this place safe, just like you do. Alexandria, The Sanctuary, Hilltop... It shouldn't matter. We- All of us need to work together to make this world safer for _them_."

I nod. That's all I want now. To give Chuck and the baby everything I possibly can. To make the world better so my kid can have a good fuckin' life. "Can I see her? Judith?"

"Yeah."

I follow Rick out to the porch and set Lucille on one to the chairs there. "Look at this precious girl!" I bend down to pick the little girl up and she doesn't even fuss. But I can see that Carl and Daryl are both watching me carefully. They calm the fuck down when Judith starts to run her little fingers through my beard as I bounce her up and down. "And what is your name, little miss?"

She giggles at my voice and pats her hand on my mouth.

I pretend like I'm gonna bite her fingers and she laughs harder. "Oh, you are adorable! Your daddy told me that your name is Judith." I boop her on the nose and she nods her head with a giggle. "Well, my name is Negan. Can you say that?"

"Nay-ghin!" she says excitedly.

"Shit, that's close enough!"

"Shit!" she picks up right away.

"Oh, fuck! Don't say that. Shit! don't say 'fuck' either."

"Fffff-" She starts laughing too hard before she can finish the word.

"Okay, okay." Rick comes forward and takes her from me. "Please don't teach my little girl swear words." He tries to sound all stern, but he's holding back a laugh. Carl's giggling his fuckin' head off, too.

Judith holds her arms back out to me. "Nay-ghin!"

"Your girl loves me, Ricky boy!"

Rick actually fuckin' groans.

"What the fuck's wrong with that?! I'm such a fuckin' teddy bear!"

Carl laughs his damn head off at that. "Your face is priceless, dad!"

Judith is still squirming around in her dad's hands, so Rick hands her back to me.

"There we go." I settle her in my arms and she rests her little cheek on my shoulder. "You sleepy, little miss?"

Her only answer is to bring her little fist up to her face, which definitely is a 'yes'. I start to rock her gently and she falls asleep pretty fuckin' quick. "Shit, I might need to get me a little vacation home here," I say quietly.

I see Aaron approach us and walk up onto the porch. "It looks like Judith made a new friend," he comments with a smile.

"I'm gonna pass her off to you big bro." I hold her out to Carl and he takes her. "I gotta talk to you before I leave," I say to Aaron.

"I was coming here to talk to you, actually,"Aaron directs back at me.

We, along with Dwight trailing behind, start to walk back towards my trucks.

"I just wanted to ask about Brendon? Is he-"

"Dead?" I cut in. "Yeah, he's fuckin' dead."

"Did Chuck see it?" Aaron asks.

I rub at my face. "Not closeup. I told her to go inside, but she fuckin' watched from the window anyway."

"She's okay, though?"

"She's fuckin' great, actually," I answer. "Told me to tell you that she loves you."

He smiles. "I'd like to see her again."

"You can come back with me," I look down at him, "as long as you help me out with something."

He looks back at me fuckin' skeptically. "What is it?"

"Nothing too hard. Just a little mission. Won't take too long."

"Can I take someone with me?"

"Really?" I ask with attitude. "You don't fuckin' trust me?"

"I trust you, okay?" he bites back. "I just want someone else there."

"Fine."

Aaron nods. "Okay. So what are we doing?"

"Why don't you go get a bag packed. I'll fill you in on the fuckin' way."


	42. Chapter 42

— Negan's POV —

Me and Dwight wait by our truck for Aaron and whoever he brings with him to fuckin' come back. All the rest of my men that I brought to Alexandria are waiting in their trucks, too. So we can all leave at the same fuckin' time. After a few minutes, Aaron, carrying his bag, comes back with fuckin' Daryl following.

"You're bringing _him_?" I say to Aaron while pointing at the redneck.

"Yes. Is that a problem?"

I glare at Daryl as he glares right the fuck back. "Not for me," I answer, almost as a threat.

I don't know why, but Daryl just rubs me the wrong fuckin' way. And the feeling is mutual.

Aaron holds his hands up to both of us to tell us to calm the fuck down. "Why don't you just tell us where we're going," he says to me.

"Fredericksburg."

"What's in Fredericksburg?" Daryl asks all bitchily with his face all scrunched up.

"Are we going to Chucky's house?" Aaron asks quickly. He apparently put two and two together.

"Yup. I need to get some shit from there."

"How far away is it?" Daryl asks, still fuckin' skeptical.

"It'll take a few hours to get there from here," I answer. "But the road should be mostly fuckin' clear. I had guys scope it out earlier. It's out in the fuckin' suburbs, too, so we shouldn't have too much of a problem with swarms of the dead."

We all get into to the crew cab pickup truck, Dwight behind the fuckin' wheel, me in the passenger seat, Aaron and Daryl in the back seat, and head off.

I decide I should probably get some info on the place before we get there, so I pipe up. "So, Aaron, when you went to the house before, what did it fuckin' look like?"

"It looked like someone went through it, but it wasn't completely looted like most places." He paused. "That was a couple of years ago, though. It could be empty now."

"Do you remember seeing a rocking chair."

"Ah." Aaron chuckles like he just won a prize or some shit.

"What?" I bite back.

"I see now." He chuckles again. "Chucky asked you to get the chair for the baby."

I give a little growl, not particularly liking his fuckin' tone. Too smug. "She didn't _ask_ me to do shit. She _mentioned_ the chair and _I_ want to fuckin' surprise her with it. Cuz I'm a good fuckin' husband like that."

"What's so special about this damn chair that we're risking our lives to bring it back?" Daryl bitches again. Goddamn, is he on his fuckin' period or some shit?

"It's like a family heirloom," Aaron answers, completely ignoring Daryl's fuckin' rude ass attitude.

"Did you see it or not, Aaron?" I get back to my original thought.

"Yeah. It's in the master bedroom upstairs. Or at least it was."

"Good."

After a while, my men in the trucks in front of us turn off to head back to The Sanctuary while we keep heading southwest. Eventually, we turn down the road that leads to Chuck's old house. It's pretty isolated and back in the woods, so I hope there aren't too many of those dead fuckers hanging around. I also hope the house wasn't looted any more than it was when Aaron saw it. I'm gonna be really pissed if someone fucked that chair up and I wasted this trip.

We pull up the drive to her house and it looks pretty fuckin clear at first. But the sound of the engine starts to bring the dead fucks outta the woods. Not a ton of them, but enough that we'll have to deal with.

"Alright boys. Let's get this shit done," I call out before we all exit the truck.

Daryl climbs up onto the roof of the truck and starts picking off the dead with his goddamn crossbow. Me and Dwight move around the truck and start taking the biters down on the opposite side of Daryl. Aaron moves to the back of the truck and does his thing back there.

It doesn't take long. Maybe ten minutes before we clear all the dead out. We hang around for a few more minutes to see if any more will make a fuckin' appearance. But when nothing happens, we head up to the porch.

I tap on the window to the left of the door and look inside. I can't see any movement or hear anything, so I move back to the door and try the handle. It's fuckin' locked, of course. Shit can't be easy. I start to raise my leg to kick the door open, but Aaron stops me.

"Hang on." Aaron moves to the other side of the porch and lifts up a big planter with a very dead plant in it. Once he gets enough space, he sticks his hand under it and pulls out a key. "They always hid a spare key here. I used it when I came through before." He comes back to the door. "I locked it back up just in case..." He doesn't really finish his thought and unlocks the door.

We enter the foyer and look around. It doesn't look too fuckin' bad in here, actually. Maybe it was only looted the once, when Chuck's mom was killed.

"I don't think anyone has been in here since me," Aaron states as he runs his finger along the dusty end table by the door.

We go to the left through the doorway and into the living room. I walk straight to the mantle over the fireplace and look at all the pictures resting on it. Chuck's parents at their wedding. A few of baby Chuck. An older couple that must've been Diane's parents. Even one of Aaron.

"Pack all these pictures up and any others you find," I call out to the guys as I gesture around. "I'm taking all this personal shit back with me." I look to Aaron. "Pack up anything you think Chuck'll like."

I go back out to the foyer and down the hall into the kitchen. It's fuckin' ransacked. Every cabinet is open. Every drawer. Even the fridge. And there's a huge dried blood stain in the middle of the floor.

"Shit," I whisper to myself then leave out through the dining room. I don't want to dwell there because that is obviously where those motherfuckers shot Diane. Besides, there's nothing much else to see over here, anyway. Before I head up the stairs, I peek into the living room and see that Aaron is directing the other guys to various places to look for fuckin' mementos and it makes me smile.

Chuck is gonna flip her shit when I show her all this stuff. But I'm gonna wait. I got a fuckin' plan.

I go up the stairs and head down the hall into a bedroom that is most definitely Chuck's. Or was before she moved to that apartment after she graduated college. Nerdy posters on the wall. Action figures sitting on a book shelf. Some academic awards she won and put up by the door. Diane must've kept the room just the way Chuck left it when she moved away. All of it's untouched, too. Those motherfuckers that broke in must've ran the fuck away right after they murdered Diane and stole her food.

Fuck. I should've come here after I left the hospital. Maybe I could've saved Diane. Me and her coulda looked for Chuck before she even got to that fuckin' nursing home. Then all that shit wouldn't've happened to her there. Those fuckers wouldn't have touched her...

I shake the thought away and walk over to the dresser. There are a few more picture frames on it. One of Chuck when she was little posing with Mickey Mouse at Disney World. Another one of her, her mom, and Aaron sitting around a table at a restaurant or something. Then there's one of me and her at her graduation. I pick it up and stare at it closer.

I was fuckin' happy back then. Clean shaven. Twenty pounds heavier. Genuine fuckin' smile on my face. Shit with me and Lucille was good then. She was selling houses left and right so our cash flow was awesome. And it was before she got sick again... And shit at the school was good, too. My baseball team was winning. And I was happy as fuck that Chuck was doing so well.

I switch my gaze in the picture to Chuck. I got my arm around her shoulder as she's holding her cap to her chest and looking up at me. Her cheeks are all fuckin' red and she's laughing. Not just smiling, but actually fuckin' laughing.

Fuck, I remember taking this. It was after the ceremony, but everyone was still lingering around. Diane walked right up to me with Chuck and practically pushed her into me demanding a picture. Chuck fuckin' complained, saying her mom took too many pictures already. I wrapped my arm around Chuck's shoulder and did my whole 'picture face' that I do whenever a camera is in front of me. Diane told us to smile and kept taking fuckin' pictures. She had to've taken at least twenty fuckin' pictures of us standing there posing like idiots. So Chuck started to fuckin' fuss and walk away. But Diane still had the camera up, so I pulled Chuck back into me and told her to let her mother get the fuckin' shot she wanted. Chuck started fuckin' laughing. And I did, too. I didn't realize she was looking at me at the time; I just turned to the camera so Diane would get the picture.

And I guess that's the picture Chuck wanted to hold onto.

I only saw Chuck one other time after that before the turn. It was maybe a couple of weeks later. Chuck brought a pie or something that her mother fuckin' made. It was fuckin' good, I remember. I think I ate the whole thing by myself. Shit. No wonder I was fuckin' fatter back then.

Oh yeah, Chuck tripped on the sidewalk when she left. That's right. And I carried her in and bandaged her knee up. Then I told her to be careful at college cuz I was so fuckin' worried some frat boy would take advantage of her. I don't even think she really knew what I was talking about...

No wait, Lucille was there. _Lucille_ bandaged her up. I almost forgot.

Shit. I remember I blew up at Lucille that night cuz she was acting all weird, then she picked a fight with me. She ended up having a bad fuckin' panic attack and I held her the whole rest of the night until she calmed down. She never told me why...

"What's that?" Aaron says from right beside me which makes me jump a fuckin' mile and almost have a goddamn heart attack.

"Fuck! Aaron, you scared the shit outta me!"

"Sorry. I thought you saw me come in." He looks down at what I'm holding. "Is that you?"

"Yeah. It is."

He looks from the picture and then back up to me. "You know, the last time I saw you... After you left with Brendon, I remembered Diane telling me about you once. At least I think it was you. You were the gym coach, right?"

I let out a fuckin' sigh and move to sit down on the edge of the bed, wondering just where he's going with this. "I was."

Aaron nods and starts to wander around the room, looking at Chuck's old trinkets as he speaks. "Me and Eric were traveling around Europe at the time. Eric wrote for this travel blog and I took the pictures. Anyway, Diane told me on the phone about Chucky hurting her leg. And she told me about the gym teacher that was going out of his way to help her." Aaron turns back to me. "I didn't like it. I told Diane she needed to watch out for Chuck. I said, 'if that gym teacher touches Chucky I'll be on the first plane back to deal with him.'"

I chuckle and give him a little shrug. "I don't blame you. I probably woulda said the same fuckin' thing," I start. "But I never-"

He cuts me off and looks down at the desk he's standing in front of. "I know. Chuck wouldn't have kept something like that from Diane. And my sister would've told me." He turns back to me. "It's just easy to be overprotective of Chucky."

I raise my eyebrows and laugh. "It most definitely fuckin' is."

He chuckles like something just occurred to him. "She used to get mad at me all the time. She always said I was," he finger quotes, "'hovering'. Like when I argued with her when she was sixteen and wanted to go to some concert in _Baltimore_ on her own!"

"Fuck that!" I respond, agreeing with him.

"Right?!" Aaron calls back with a laugh. "She let me go with her in the end, at least. But I can't tell you how many times I heard, 'I'm not a child, Uncle Aaron!' Or, 'I'm not an idiot!'"

That makes me laugh. "I've heard that more than fuckin' once."

Aaron comes back to my side of the bed and sits down beside me. He lets out a sigh before he continues. "Chucky never said that stuff to her mother. Diane always had this way of saying the exact right thing the exact right way. Even when she was being dramatic. Which was often," he laughs a little, "Chuck always saw where she was coming from. She never did that whole 'teenager' thing with her. She always knew that her mother loved her and had her best interests in mind."

I nod. "Diane was a good woman. She deserved better than what she got."

Aaron nods slowly. "I'm just so glad Chucky is alive and doing well." He clears his throat and wipes at his face.

I let him have a moment before I change the subject. "Help me pack some shit up in here." I get up and he follows.

Once we're done in there, we both go into Diane's room. I can tell it's a little fuckin' hard for him, but he's soldiering through it.

"There it is." He points to the rocking chair set up by the window.

I wasn't expecting it to be as fuckin' gorgeous as it is. It's made of oak and it still has beautiful color to it. The back is carved into a maple tree and the rest of it is just as ornately carved.

"Shit, your dad was talented."

Aaron gives me a sad little sigh. "He was." He looks down at the chair and points to it. "Look at this." He moves a blanket off of the chair and kneels down to point to the front part of the seat. His and Diane's names are carved there in fuckin' beautiful script. "My parents names are on the back. And..." he turns the seat and shows me the side.

"There's Chuck. Well," I chuckle, " _Charlotte_." I run my fingers along her proper name that's carved there. I've seen Chuck's fathers handwriting enough times on her tattoo to recognize that it was carved by him. "Chuck's dad carve that?"

"Yeah. My dad showed him how to carve wood just for this," he answers, but confusion starts to seep onto his damn face. "How did you know it was him?"

"I recognized his handwriting from Chuck's tattoo." I turn to smirk at Aaron. "I've seen it once or twice." I couldn't fuckin' resist. And the look on his face is fuckin' hilarious.

He glares at me then looks away. "Really, Negan?" He almost laughs. "I forgot about her tattoo. And I'd really like to forget about it again." He shakes his head. "I'd especially like to forget about _you_ seeing it."

I laugh then shrug. "Sorry, Uncle Aaron." I stand up to my full height. "Let's get this shit all packed up."

Aaron stands, too. "I think there should be some photo albums in the closet, too. Chuck would probably want those."

We get the other guys to help us get everything we want downstairs and into the back of the fuckin' truck. Along with the shit from downstairs.

Before we all get in the truck to leave, Aaron clears his throat before speaking. "I'm going to go back in and... see where Diane is buried."

I nodded. "Go ahead."

"You can come with me," he says to me kinda hesitantly. "You knew her, too."

I nod again and leave Dwight and Daryl by the truck to follow Aaron through the house and to the back yard. We find what we assume is the burial site after a few minutes. It's a patch of grass that's not as high or thick as the rest of it. And it's right in front of a small stone bench. As soon as Aaron sees it, he starts to fuckin' sob.

"Chucky buried Diane here on purpose. This was her favorite spot in the whole yard," he chokes out.

I walk up behind Aaron and put my hand on his back to try to soothe him. I don't really fuckin' know him that well, but he's Chuck's family. And he's not a bad fuckin' guy from what I've seen.

"I tried to get back here to her. But it took too long." He lets out a sigh. "I saw the blood in the kitchen the first time I was here. But I convinced myself that it could have been someone else's. It could've been _anyone_ else's." He looks up at me, almost pleading. "I tried to get back here," he chokes out. "I tried-"

"It's not your fuckin' fault, Aaron." I cut him off. "This shitty world has taken so much from all of us and it isn't our fault. Don't let it take more from you by fuckin' dwelling on shit," I say to him before I even really think about it.

Fuck. Where did that come from? It would be nice if I practiced what I fuckin' preach.

Aaron looks back down at the grave. "She was the strongest person I ever knew. After our parents died... then her husband. She never faltered. _She_ should be one of the ones left. She should've been here to see the baby."

I nod, but keep my mouth shut. We just stand here for a few minutes in silence.

After he calms down a little, he looks back up to me. "I know me and you don't really have... a relationship-"

I cut him off with a joke to try and lighten the mood. "Whoa whoa!" I hold my hands up. "Are you fuckin' coming on to me?"

He laughs then sniffles. "You're not my type." He chuckles again and clears his throat, then continues with what he was going to say. "I just wanted to say that... as long as you're good to Chuck, you're my family." He looks down at the grave, then back up to me with a fuckin' smirk. "Even if you make shitty jokes."

"My jokes aren't shitty. I'm funny as fuck."

He scrunches up his face at me the exact same way Chuck does.

"Shit! Chuck gives me that same fuckin' look when she thinks my jokes are corny. But we usually end up fuck-" I cut myself off when I see his face turn to disgust.

"Ugh!" he groans dramatically, but he's trying not to laugh. "Don't say that stuff!" He starts to walk away from me and back into the house.

I can tell he's not really mad at me, so I follow him and tease him further. "Well, Chuck _is_ pregnant with my kid. You should be aware that we fuck."

"Ah! Stop! I don't want to hear that about my baby niece!"

I laugh as we walk through the house, but I stop as soon as we get onto the porch and I see what's going on. A bunch of the dead have come out of the fuckin' woods and are gonna cut off our way out pretty soon if we don't do something about it.

"Fuck!"

Me and Aaron run out to get to Dwight and Daryl, who are trying to fight off the dead fuckers.

"What the fuck!" I yell to Dwight.

"They just started coming!" Dwight calls out before he stabs a biter in the side of the head and turns around to push another one to the ground.

"We need to leave now!" Aaron states the fuckin' obvious.

Dwight and Aaron hop into the truck on their side and I run around to the other side to get in, myself. Daryl is a few yards away, fuckin' struggling with a biter. Then I see two more coming up from behind him.

"Fuck," I growl and book it to him.

Right before I get to him, one of the fuckin' dead pulls him from behind, getting him off balance, and the biter in front of him pushes him all the way down to the ground. I swing Lucille into the dead fuck that's still standing, then to the one directly behind it taking them both down. I kick the one that's on top of Daryl off of him and he takes the chance to put a knife into it's rotted fuckin' brain.

I hold my hand out to Daryl to get him on his fuckin' feet. "We gotta go right fuckin' now."

Me and Daryl rush back to the truck and we all haul ass down the driveway. Dwight loses the rest of the dead fuckers pretty easily on the open road and we all breathe out a sigh of fuckin' relief.

"Shit!" I call out and run my hand down my face. "Make sure those fuckers don't follow us home," I direct at Dwight.

Dwight nods and checks the rear view. "I think we're good."

We're all silent for a while, just calming the fuck down from our little run-in.

"Thanks, back here," Daryl says to me quietly and I turn around in the seat to look at him. "You had my back." He's finally not giving me the stinkeye, for once.

I nod back at him. "You're fuckin' welcome."

— —

Chuck moves down the hall, headed back to her room after hanging out with the wives most of the day. Before she gets to her door, she hears people talking in what would become the nursery.

 _They're working on the nursery! Oh, I'm so excited! I want to go check it out._

Chuck practically skips down the rest of the hall to the room the voices are coming from. She walks through the doorway with a huge smile on her face and looks around.

There are three saviors standing in the middle of the room facing away from Chuck. They're looking through some papers and talking about the plans for the room. She can see that some tools and supplies have already been brought up to renovate the room.

"Shit," someone says from behind Chuck, which causes her to jump and turn to face him. "Is she supposed to be here?" The guy walks further through the doorway and sets down a box full of things that Chuck can't quite see.

The other men turn around to face Chuck, since they have been alerted to her presence.

"Uh, no. She's not," one of the men answers.

"Why am I not supposed to be in here?" Chuck asks in confusion.

"Negan's orders," is the only answer she gets.

The man closest to the door gestures toward it as if to tell her to leave.

Chuck ignores him and turns back to the other men. "Are those the blueprints?" She points to the papers in one of the men's hands and starts to walk toward him.

He steps back almost immediately and brings the papers up to his chest. "Miss, Negan told us not to let you in here."

Chuck looks at the men's faces and they all look terrified. And it hasn't escaped Chuck that they are purposely staying away from her. Like Negan probably warned them not to get too close to her. And no matter how much they want her to leave, none of them will make a move to force her out of the room.

"It's okay," Chuck tries to calm the men down. "I just want to know what the nursery is gonna look like. It's not a big deal," she tries to reason.

"Please, miss," one of them pleads. "Negan _specifically_ said not to let you see the nursery."

The men's unease seems to grow with every second Chuck stays in the room. Chuck finally lets out a sigh and throws her hands up in concession.

"Fine." Chuck lets out a huff and walks out of the door to the hallway. When she turns to go back to Negan's room to wait for him, she sees the man himself walking across the hall to her bedroom door.

Before he opens her door, he turns to see her coming toward him. "Were you in the fuckin' nursery?" he calls out over the distance between them. "I fuckin' told them-"

Chuck cuts him off. "They kicked me out. Like you asked them to." She comes closer to stand in front of Negan. "Though I don't exactly know _why_."

Negan pulls her into him and kisses her forehead before leaning back to look at her face. "I don't want you to see it until it's fuckin' done. I want it to be a surprise." He smoothes one of his hands over her stomach. "How's my baby?"

"Just fine," Chuck answers with a smile.

Negan kneels down in front of chuck and kisses her belly. "Are you taking good care of your mama?" he whispers into her stomach then stands back up.

"How was Alexandria?" Chuck asks.

"It went fuckin' great." He grabs her hand and starts to lead her into his office.

"That's good. How was Uncle Aaron?"

"Ask him yourself."

Chuck doesn't wait for Negan to open the office door. She bursts through it by herself upon hearing Negan's words and runs straight at Aaron, who wasn't exactly expecting her so suddenly.

"Hey!" Aaron holds his arms out and allows Chuck to practically jump into them.

"I missed you," Chuck says into Aaron's chest.

"I missed you, too."

"I'm fuckin' starving," Negan calls out from behind Chuck. "I'm gonna get started on fuckin' dinner."

"I'll help," Aaron responds and follows Negan into the kitchen to prepare their meal.

Chuck doesn't know what happened today, but Negan and Aaron are actually talking and getting to know each other. As they all eat, Chuck can't help but smile at the feeling of having an actual family dinner once again.

Negan reaches over to hold Chuck's hand. "You okay, baby girl? You're quiet."

Chuck gives him a big smile. "I'm good, Negan. Everything's perfect."


	43. Chapter 43

— Negan's POV —

I walk into my already full meeting room and I'm pleased as fuckin' punch to see that all my maps are already spread out on the table. Just like I told Dwight to do.

"Alright." I set Lucille down in my chair and bend over the table to find the map I want, the one that's the whole entire area. It already has The Sanctuary, Hilltop, and Alexandria circled on it, plus all my outposts. "Someone got a fuckin' marker?"

Simon produces a sharpie out of his shirt pocket and hands it to me.

I start at The Sanctuary, tracing a line north and east a bit, following the river up to Alexandria. I continue the line from there, going southwest and bowing the line out some to include my North and Satellite outposts and down to Hilltop. I finish up by drawing the line back east to The Sanctuary again, making a sorta triangle.

"This here," I cap the marker and tap it on the map, "is my fuckin' domain. Currently. Eventually, I want my land to be fuckin' clear of the dead. _Completely_ fuckin' clear." I straighten up to address my men better. "This won't happen immediately. No. It's gonna take a fuckin' while and be hard as fuck, but we are gonna fuckin' do it anyway." I walk over to my fuckin' chair, pick Lucille up, and sit my ass down.

"Where do you want us to start?" Gavin asks.

"First, we're gonna get more goddamn blockades up around here and all the outposts just to make sure no wayward herds get close to my shit. Just push 'em the fuck back and away from us. I want you guys," I point to one side of the table, "to coordinate with the leaders of the outposts. They should know the land out there and the best fuckin' places to redirect the dead."

The guys nod.

"You guys," I point to the other side of the table, "are gonna get shit done here. We're already pretty protected, but I want some more blockades out further. Extend our safe area just in case."

They nod, too.

I point to the guys at the end of the table. "You guys are headed to Hilltop. Work with our guys already there and extend that perimeter. And you guys," I gesture to the guys standing, "head to Alexandria and work with them. I already got a plan with them to lead biters someplace and wait until winter to take them all out sorta like what we did last year. Work with Rick on that and check out the fuckin' place he has in mind for that shit.

I get some "Yes, sirs" from everyone.

I stand back up and look at the maps again. "When it's safe all around our people, we're gonna start blocking off everything right along these lines I've drawn before winter. It's no fuckin' use to clear shit out if more dead is just gonna come the fuck back in." I run my finger over the map. "We'll see how to block shit when we get out there. Blockades of vehicles, walls, trenches... We'll just have to see what's most fuckin' feasible. Eventually, we'll have fuckin' lookouts along the perimeter making sure no shit can get in. Alive or dead." I stand tall and hold my arms out. "This is stage fuckin' one. Stage two, expansion." I drop my arms. "But we'll fuckin' plan for that when we get to it."

The next two weeks pass quickly and quietly. Many of Negan's men are off at the outposts, Hilltop, and Alexandria to implement Negan's plan to bolster barricades around the areas. And it's going well. They're getting the job done with few setbacks.

Negan's relationship with Alexandria has been progressing as well, from what Negan has told Chuck. Rick and the Saviors have been working well together and making plans to lead any herds off to a quarry that's about twenty miles northwest from Alexandria. Because Rick and his men have been cooperating so well with the Saviors, Negan has provided some food for the Alexandrians to get them through their lean times, just like he said he would.

This friendly atmosphere between the two settlements has allowed Aaron to visit Chuck more regularly, sometimes for a day or two, sometimes only for a few hours. But it makes Chuck so happy nevertheless. They have fun reminiscing about their pasts and talking about the future. Like what would it be like if the baby were a boy, or if it were a girl. Chuck also shows Aaron the almost completed blanket that she has been making for the baby, which makes him get emotional. Especially because of the memories of Diane, and his own mother, knitting. But in the end, the both of them are so pleased to be together once again.

Chuck has continued to spend some of her time in the gardens, though now, there are greenhouses, too. The gardeners explain to Chuck about what new crops can be grown because of them and she soaks up the knowledge. The women also tell Chuck that they taught some people from the Rolling Acres outpost about the best ways to grow their crops, since some greenhouses have been set up there, too.

All of this makes Chuck so happy for the future. The Sanctuary is doing better than ever and she can't wait to raise children there.

Speaking of which, Negan has still kept Chuck out of the nursery. He insists that it's getting done, but hasn't allowed Chuck to see it. Because it's "not perfect yet." More than once she's tried to sneak in, but the men working in there had started to keep an eye out for her. Especially after the first time she made her way in there.

One morning, Chuck steps out of Negan's shower and catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She takes a long look at herself, running her hands over her fuller breasts and down to her baby bump. She thinks about all the changes she's already gone through and all the ways her body will continue to change.

 _My mother used to tell me all the time that she never looked the same after she had me. "I went into pregnancy a size two and came out of it a twelve!" she told me more than once. And she complained all the time about all the stretch marks she developed!_

 _God, is all of that going to happen to me? I wasn't even a size two to begin with, so what size am I going to be after?! What if I gain a hundred pounds like Simon said his sister did?!_

 _What if Negan won't like my body after? Ugh._

As if on cue, Negan comes walking into the bathroom casually without even knocking and goes to the toilet. "Sorry, baby girl. I gotta piss." He doesn't even wait for Chuck to leave before he starts.

"Jeez, Negan! Let me get outta here first!" Chuck wraps a towel around herself quickly and exits the room, hearing him laugh at her as she does.

Chuck begins to gather the clothes that she had left on the bed, which consists of a dark floral sundress and plain underwear. Chuck had never been one to wear dresses before, but she has found them more comfortable than pants because of her growing belly these days.

Chuck dries her body off, then uses the towel to scrunch the excess water from her hair. She hears Negan come out just as she pulls her underwear up her legs.

Negan lets out a wolf whistle at her and plops himself down on the bed with his legs crossed casually. When Chuck reaches for her dress, Negan snatches it from her grasp.

"Hey!" she exclaims. "I need to get dressed."

"Who says?" he teases. "I most certainly approve of you being naked as fuck around me."

"Come on, Negan," she says a little dejected, with one hand out to him and the other covering her chest. Her mind is still mulling around those self conscious thoughts that she had earlier.

"What's wrong, baby girl?" He sits up and holds the dress out to her.

"Nothing." She takes the dress and throws it over her head, quickly covering herself.

"No. What's wrong?" he asks more forcefully.

"I'm gonna get big," Chuck answers meekly.

Negan stands from the bed and goes to her. "Well, yeah," he responds gently and places his hand on her belly. "The baby needs to grow."

"But... What if everything changes?"

Negan looks confused. "Shit's gonna change, baby girl. Having kids is kinda fuckin' life changing."

"No. I mean.." Chuck lets out a frustrated huff, " _I'm_ gonna change. Like... my body."

Negan still looks confused, like he's not understanding exactly where Chuck is going with this. "Yes...? You're making a fuckin' human being. Your body's gotta... accommodate that."

Chuck sits down on the edge of the bed and looks up to Negan. "I've never been very... confident, you know? In the way I look. Never. But... you kinda make me feel..." she looks away from him, feeling stupid for voicing her feelings. "Everything you say to me... And how you are with me, it makes me feel..." she looks back up to him, "almost... beautiful. A-And... I like that."

Negan sits down beside Chuck and takes her hand in his. "You _are_ fuckin' beautiful, sweetheart."

"What if that changes? What if, after the baby, I look different? You might not want me anymore." She can't stop her voice from quavering slightly.

"Hey." He brings a hand up to her cheek and turns her face to him. "I'm _never_ not gonna fuckin' want you. You're my girl, you understand? I love the shit outta you."

Chuck lets out a little laugh, but sniffles as she wipes her eyes.

"I'm not fuckin' dumb. I know you'll gain weight. Your hips'll get wider. Tits'll be different. You'll get some of those... what did they call them?" he looks up and to the side, trying to think of the word, "Tiger stripes."

Chuck lets out a harder laugh. "Tiger stripes?"

"Yeah," he answers softly as he wipes Chuck's cheek of a tear.

"I like that. It's better than," she makes a frowny face and lowers her voice dramatically, "'stretch marks'."

It's Negan's turn to laugh. "Goddamn right. Because you're gonna _earn_ those stripes. And I'm gonna love every single one 'a them."

"You say that now. But wait until I'm big as a whale, leaking from everywhere, and super cranky. You'll never want to have sex with me again," she jokes.

"I'm not gonna fuckin' lie. The thought of you all big and fat with my kid in your belly has gotten me hard as steel on more than one occasion."

Chuck bursts into laughs. "Really?!" She looks to him and he gives her a nod and a little shrug. "You men are so weird."

"What's weird about getting off to the thoughts of my woman?" he asks with a smirk.

"You're getting off on the fact that _you_ put a baby in me. Like it shows how _manly_ you are," she jokes.

He lets out a booming laugh. "I wouldn't fuckin' put it that way."

Chuck shrugs and laughs with him.

"Well, since I have you in a laughing fuckin' mood, right now is a good time to tell you that I've been planning a little birthday bash for you and the whole Sanctuary is invited."

Chuck's smile instantly drops. "What?" She has always hated big birthday parties for herself. She's always felt so awkward at them. Her mother had planned big parties for her for a few years, but after a lot of complaining from Chuck, she finally gave up and planned smaller get togethers for Chuck's birthdays, mostly with just the two of them and Aaron. "You're kidding, right?"

"Nope. I told you birthdays were a big deal here. We have a big fuckin' bash for mine every year. Now, we're gonna have one for you, too. And the kid, of course, when he comes."

"But I'm not... you know, _important_ like you. No one will really care about my birthday." Even though that's what Chuck said, she knows it's not entirely true. Since the pregnancy announcement and party, people's reactions to her have changed. Before then, people mostly ignored her, but now people greet her, talk with her, and seem to respect her. She's heard from more than one person that the workers see how she treats them with kindness and respect, so they give it back to her.

"Please," he dismisses. "People love you. You gotta get used to that shit." He leans into her to place his lips near her ear. "You're their queen," he whispers. "Just like you're mine."

"You're a king now," she jokes.

"You're goddamn right, I am." Negan gets up from the bed and nudges Chuck's legs apart to stand between them. He leans in close to speak in a low, seductive tone. "So why doesn't my queen show me just how loyal she is to her king."

Chuck can't help but smile. "You're so cheesy." She giggles and kisses his lips slowly as he pushes her back onto the bed.

A few days later, Chuck is sitting at the vanity in the wives' closet getting her makeup done for her birthday party.

"You look younger than twenty six," Tonya remarks as she preps Chuck's face for foundation.

Frankie laughs from her seat on the nearby couch. "What? Is twenty six old now?' she asks Tonya, "Because if it is, both you and me were old two years ago."

"I don't mean we're _old_ ," Tonya answers. "She just looks like a teenager." She starts to buffs the foundation into Chuck's skin.

"A pregnant teenager," Frankie adds with a smirk.

"Sixteen and pregnant?" Chuck jokes.

The two other women laugh. "Exactly!" Tonya cries out. "And Negan's your daddy."

Frankie groans. "That daddy shit's gross, Tonya. Don't listen to her, Chuck."

Chuck giggles. "It's okay." She doesn't want them to think that she's offended. Because she isn't.

"See, Frankie," Tonya says with a finger pointed to Frankie. "Chuck's into it. I always kinda figured you were," she says to Chuck.

Chuck's face instantly turns red. "What? No! We don't- I mean, I'm not- Well, _he_ kinda likes-"

The other women laugh at Chuck's flustered state.

"Don't worry sweetie. I get it." Tonya gives her an overly dramatic wink as she applies some subtle contouring to Chuck's skin.

"Don't wink like that," Chuck responds dejectedly, knowing that she probably can't change Tonya's mind about her sex life.

After a few more minutes of giggles, Kayla walks in, with Curly and Moe on her heels. "Oooh. Everyone looks so fancy!" She sits down beside Frankie and Moe jumps up into her lap. Curly goes over to Chuck and jumps up in her lap, as well.

Though Kayla still lives on the fifth floor, per Negan's request, she's officially not a wife anymore, so she's dressed down more than the other women. Despite the fact that she still lives upstairs, everyone below accepts her as a worker, since she's taken over Chuck's old job in the infirmary. And because it's pretty much an open fact that Chuck is the only real wife now, anyway. The others are just hold overs from a bygone era and people tend to treat them more casually now.

As a matter of fact, the other wives have started to spend more time downstairs, in stark contrast to the way they were before. Tonya spends almost every night hustling pool at the rec room's new pool table. And Frankie's never too far away, chatting with the others hanging around. As for Sherry, she's taken to helping out in the kitchen for many of the meals, coming up with new recipes to incorporate some of the new foods being brought in.

"I figured I'd better look good now 'cause I'm gonna get shitfaced later," Tonya states and everyone laughs.

"Not again," Frankie groans over dramatically. "I had to carry you out of the caf after the last party. Then me and Dwight had to carry you all the way up the stairs."

"Don't care. I had fun. And I remember not being too drunk when we got in to make you cum on my tongue a few times."

Frankie giggles then shrugs innocently.

"It's nice to see that nothing changes up here," Kayla comments in jest.

Tonya lets out a lighthearted huff. "I don't want to hear it from you, Miss 'I'm-getting-dick-from-Amber's-hunky-neighbor'."

"His name is Felix, by the way. And I'm not even getting dick!" Kayla exclaims between giggles. "We haven't even made out yet! He was so nervous to start with because he still thought Negan would come after him. But... we finally kissed yesterday," she admits almost shyly.

"You fuckin' slut!" Tonya jokes and everyone laughs. "Did you suck on his dick?"

"No!" Kayla calls out with a giggle. "We're going kinda slow. He lost his wife right before he came here, so he hasn't really been in a relationship for a while. And my last relationship was Negan, so..." she shrugs. "But I really like him," she smiles wide, "and I think he likes me."

Frankie excitedly claps her hands. "I want to meet him!"

"I'll introduce you guys tonight. We're sitting together." Kayla can't hold back her smile.

"Good," Tonya responds. "If he looks like he has a dirty dick, I'm gonna send him packing."

"Please don't ask Felix about his penis when I introduce you guys," Kayla requests of Tonya.

"I don't have to ask," Tonya replies while blending Chuck's eyeshadow. "One look at a man and I can tell if he has a dirty dick or not."

Everyone laughs at Tonya's theatrics.

" _Anyway_. Changing the subject," Kayla starts, but she's still giggling, "Are we not getting a visit from Aaron this week?" she asks Chuck. "I saw Laura in the infirmary and she said they weren't heading out to Alexandria."

"Oh, yeah. But _they're_ coming _here_ the day after tomorrow," Chuck answers. "Aaron, Rick, and whoever else from Alexandria are coming here for the first time. Negan told me it was time for Rick to see The Sanctuary."

"Laura says Rick is hot," Kayla mentions.

"Negan's never said that." Chuck giggles at the thought.

"She says he has dreamy eyes," Kayla adds.

"Oddly enough, Negan _has_ mentioned that, though," Chuck jokes and everyone laughs.

Tonya finally finishes and sprays the setting spray on Chuck's face. She makes the "voila" gesture and calls out, "All done."

Chuck smiles at herself in the mirror. "Thanks, Tonya. You always do such a good job."

An hour later and Chuck is stood up at a table in the front of the cafeteria, set up just for her and Negan, much like at the previous party. Negan is standing beside her, ready to give a little speech about her birthday. And Chuck's cheeks are already blazing red.

"Now, I have always encouraged all of y'all to celebrate your birthdays," Negan calls out to the room. "Whether you just hang out with a few fuckin' friends and a bottle of moonshine or fill up the rec room for fuckin' poker and darts. That shit is important. Because you survived another fuckin' year in this goddamn world. And that shit _should_ be celebrated."

Negan shifts to put is right hand on Chuck's back. "I know this shit," he gestures broadly to the room with his left hand, "isn't exactly like how we usually do things, since no one who isn't fuckin' _me_ gets this big of a shindig." He pauses and chuckles to himself. "Well, I suppose this big ass shindig _is_ for someone who is _fucking_ me."

Everyone laughs at his joke and looks to Chuck. Her face instantly feels fifty degrees hotter, so she tries to cover her cheeks with her hands.

Negan leans down to whisper to her, though he has a huge smile on his face the whole time. "Sorry, baby girl. I couldn't resist."

"Not funny," she whispers back, but she's not really angry.

Negan straightens back up to address the room again. "Anyway, my point here is it's fuckin' obvious that this girl is damn special to me. And it's not just cuz I knocked her up. I loved the shit outta her well before that."

Chuck is a little shocked that Negan is freely admitting loving her to every single resident of The Sanctuary, but it makes her smile nonetheless. She looks out to the crowd to see their reactions to Negan's words, as well. Everyone seems happy, giving the pair in front of them warm smiles and soft nods. It makes Chuck smile even wider.

"So, we are gonna toast to my girl on her twenty sixth birthday, eat some fuckin' good ass food, and party like there's no fuckin' tomorrow." He picks up his glass of wine and holds it up as he turns more to speak directly to Chuck. "You're one of the most amazing fuckin' people I've ever known. And I'm so fucking happy that you're the one giving me a future because you're carrying it inside you. And I couldn't possibly love you any more. Happy birthday, baby girl. To Chuck!"

"To Chuck!" everyone repeats and follows Negan in taking a sip of their drinks.

Negan's loving words. The residents warm smiles. Memories of birthdays past with her family. Everything compounds and causes Chuck to be suddenly overcome with emotion. She looks up to Negan and immediately starts to cry.

"Shit. Shit." Negan quickly sets his drink on the table and cradles Chuck's face in his hands. He turns her away from the crowd and puts himself between her and the curious eyes watching them. "What's wrong, baby girl?"

"No one's ever said anything so beautiful to me," she chokes out. She tries to whisper it, but she doesn't have full control over her voice and it's louder than she intends.

The people in the crowd that are close enough practically let out "awws" when they hear her.

"Well I meant every word of it," Negan whispers.

The crowd starts to clap and cheer supportively. It makes Chuck smile.

Negan wipes one of her cheeks of tears. "You gonna be okay?"

Chuck nods her response.

Negan turns around and yells over the cheers, "Let's fuckin' eat!"

The kitchen workers serve everyone the delicious meal, which Chuck recognizes as one of Sherry's recipes. The atmosphere is light as everyone eats the food. After everyone finishes, the kitchen workers clear all the dishes and the tables are moved to accommodate some of the activities that are featured, including board games, poker, and darts.

Just like before, the band is set up. Only this time, they've set up with an extra microphone and guitar specifically for Chuck to join in. She takes her spot on the makeshift stage, picks up the guitar, and sings a few songs with the band. By the time she tries to make her exit, there is quite the audience enjoying the live music. And they scream at her for an encore. She obliges and plays two more songs with the band.

After Chuck leaves the stage, Negan comes up to her. "You're so fuckin' good up there."

"It's _hot_ up there. I'm sweating to death. Is my makeup running?"

"You look perfect."

"Are you just saying that?"

Negan lets out a huff. "No. Your makeup looks fine."

"Okay." Chuck looks past Negan and sees Sherry talking with Kayla and young man, who Chuck assumes is Felix.

Chuck lets out an excited gasp. "Kayla's with her boyfriend!"

Negan turns around to see what Chuck is talking about. "Kayla has a boyfriend?"

"Well, I don't know if they're, like, _official_ or whatever... Let's go meet him." She grabs Negan's hand and drags him over to the trio standing by the bar.

"Hi, guys!" Kayla greets cheerily. "This is Felix."

Chuck gives him a little wave, but the young Savior is staring squarely at Negan with a terrified look on his face.

"You work down in the armory," Negan states to Felix. He apparently knows him. At least enough to know where he works.

"Uh, y-yes, sir."

"You keep your nose fuckin' clean?" Negan prods flatly.

"Yes, sir," Felix answers nervously.

Chuck and Sherry share a look, silently saying, " _Of course_ Negan is being difficult."

Negan suddenly smiles. "Lighten up, kid. I'm just fuckin' with you. Kayla's not a fuckin' wife, so she can date whoever she fuckin' wants."

Felix lets out a sigh of relief. "Thank god. I thought you were mad at me."

"Fuck no! I see that Kayla's got a fuckin' smile on her face, so I know she's happy." Negan pauses and his expression changes to be more serious. "But if you break her heart I'll break your legs."

Felix's smile drops so fast you could practically hear it. "Yes, sir. I mean _no_ , sir! I wouldn't- I mean, I-I really _like_ Kayla. A lot."

"Good. Cuz she's a sweetheart and she deserves a good man that'll treat her fuckin' right."

Felix practically gulps. "I will."

Negan's lips curl up in a slow smile and he claps the younger man on the shoulder. "Good man." He turns and starts to walk away.

Chuck watches Negan go for a moment before she turns back to Felix. "It was nice to meet you," she says politely before turning to follow Negan.

After the party, Negan and Chuck make their way back up to the apartment.

"You know," Chuck starts as she pauses on the landing in the stairwell to take off her uncomfortable heels, "it would've been better if you had claimed the _first_ floor instead of the _fifth_ as your own."

"Yeah. I figured that out pretty fuckin' quick. But it was too late by then; I already was renovating the top floor. You want me to carry you?"

"Up two flights of stairs?"

"You think I can't?"

Chuck shrugs. "You probably could. But I'm not gonna have you carry me up the stairs." She turns back to continue the ascent.

Once they get to Negan's apartment, he opens the door for Chuck. "Wait here a second," he says as soon as they cross into the room.

"Okay...? Why?"

Negan starts to walk away from her and into the kitchen. "Just do it," he shouts over his shoulder.

"Fine," she grumbles and listens as Negan does something in the kitchen.

"Alright. Get your ass in here," he calls out.

When Chuck walks through the archway, she sees Negan standing behind the counter. And in front of him is a chocolate frosted cake with lit number candles saying "twenty six".

"Oh my god," Chuck says with a gasp. "You had the kitchen make me a chocolate cake?!" she asks excitedly.

" _I_ made you this fuckin' chocolate cake myself. From scratch, I might fuckin' add. Even the frosting. No boxed shit." He chuckles. "Cocoa powder apparently keeps pretty well if you store it fuckin' right."

Chuck bites her lip to try to stop herself from smiling so much. "You did all that?"

"Of course. My baby wanted chocolate so I got you some. Now get the fuck over here and make a wish."

Chuck goes over to the cake but hesitates to blow out the candles.

"What's wrong, baby girl?"

She looks up at him. "I can't think of a single thing to wish for. I have everything I could possibly want right here."

— Negan's POV —

The next day, I'm fuckin' wandering around waiting for Simon to get back from his goddamn run to one of the communities that owns me tribute. He's fuckin' late. Not late enough that I have to worry, Simon can take care of his shit, but I fuckin' hate waiting.

I'm expecting him to come back with the residents this time. That community is small, sixteen people I think living in a library, and they've paid their debt for killing two of my men and stealing one of my trucks. After I went to them the first time and introduced one of them to Lucille, they've fallen in fuckin' line perfectly. So I instructed Simon to give them a choice today, keep our relationship the same or come here to be full citizens.

They'd have to be fuckin' dumb not to come back.

I finally get the call on the radio that my trucks are approaching, so I get to the front gate. As soon as I get there, my trucks pull in and fuckin' park.

I know something is wrong immediately. Simon and the guys look fuckin' white as ghosts.

"We all here?" I call out as I fuckin' approach Simon. I hope I didn't lose any fuckin' men on this run.

He nods his head. "We're all here."

Thank fuck.

"What?" I ask. I know something fuckin' happened.

"When we got there..." Simon starts. "The tail end of a herd was just going through when we got there."

"Fuck." I run my hand down my face. I look at all the guys coming out of the trucks. It's all my men. No one else. "Any of them make it?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

Simon shakes his head. "Some of them were still alive when the herd passed, but... not for long."

"Motherfuck! What about the fucking barricades out that way?! A herd shouldn't've gotten fuckin close."

Simon shakes his head again, but he looks pissed. "That was my first thought, so we checked 'em out. The barriers were fuckin' moved. And it was like they were moved on purpose to funnel the dead right to that library."

"On fuckin' purpose?"

"Yeah, boss."

"And _right_ when we were making our regular fuckin' pickup?"

"Yup."

"That shit's not a fuckin' coincidence."

"I don't this so, too."

Jesus fuckin' Christ. I have a bad goddamn feeling about this shit.

"Get some more guys out that way to check all that shit out."

"We're thinking someone did this intentionally, right?"

I nod once. "But don't spread that shit around. Not yet anyway. No use in scaring people."

"Yeah, boss. I'll get some guys out that way. See if we can suss out who did this."

Simon turns and starts to talk to the guys.

Fuck. It looks like I'm gonna have to add talking about any possible groups in the area to the agenda for Rick's little visit tomorrow. Because I'm just betting this shit is gonna be his fuckin' problem, too. If not now, then eventually.


	44. Chapter 44

— Negan's POV —

Fuck, it's kinda cold out here. I'm standing at my gate like a fuckin' idiot waiting for Rick to get here. My guys outside the gate radioed in and said he'd be pulling up any damn minute now. It's his first time here, and I wanna make the right impression. Namely, I want him to see that I am on top of my shit. And I want him to think of The Sanctuary as the fuckin' powerhouse it is. A well oiled machine. A fortress. Not a place to fuck with.

Not that I think Rick's a threat. Even if we hated each other's guts, I think I could fuckin' take him. But we're not enemies. Surprisingly. We've actually been working together fuckin' well, his men and mine. Me and him might be different, but I can respect what he's doing with his people. When he gets his head out of his fuckin' ass, that is.

He's told me all about the shit he's done. How he's saved people. How he's lost people. His fuckups and triumphs. He's made mistakes that cost lives. But he also ripped some motherfucker's throat out with his teeth to save his kid. Which is equally fucked up and badass.

But he's on the right path now working with me. He sees that. He's on board with the whole working together shit. And honestly, I think I'm on the right fuckin' path working with him.

When I started this shit, it was all about amassing resources. Going out and scavenging everything important before anyone else did, so I could feed my people and keep them safe. It was all about _my_ fuckin' people. The first group that attacked my men, I was honestly two seconds from fuckin' killing them all outright. Then I thought, "Why not use them? Use the _shit_ outta them for thinking they could fuck with me. Take what shit they got and get them to find me more." So that's what I did.

Then I did it again when another group thought they were tough shit and stepped to me. And again after that cuz people are fuckin' dumb as shit and fuckin' shitty at risk assessment, apparently.

Even with Hilltop, the plan was always for me to control them. Not in the same fuckin' way as the others, but I would use their resources all the same. And I really thought I'd have to be more hands-on there like I am at The Sanctuary, but I'm not. Jesus is a perfect fuckin' governor for me. Loyal enough to me that he runs that shit the way I would. Loyal enough to his people that he'll keep them living well. It's really all a win/win.

This shit with Alexandria is different. I don't have a hand in shit there at all, which normally would bother the fuck outta me. I know I'm a fuckin' control freak. But I guess I've fuckin' changed. Cuz I realize now that my influence doesn't _have_ to be by the fuckin' sword, as it were. I can find likeminded fuckin' groups, like Alexandria, and work _with_ them to make this shitty world a little better. Which, in the end, is good for every-fuckin'-one.

Alexandria has been working their asses off for me, doing shit that would be fuckin' difficult for me to do on my own. And I've been giving them fuckin' food so they don't starve to fuckin' death. But me giving them shit is temporary. It always was. After they start getting enough of their own food, we'll renegotiate. But we're still in this shit together. Again, win/win.

Fuckin' _finally_ , the Alexandrians pull in with a car and a pickup truck with a cab on the bed. Rick, Daryl, Aaron, Glenn and some fucker I remember seeing before but haven't been properly introduced to yet get out. Aaron comes right up to me and gives me a hug like I'm family. I guess I am.

"How's it fuckin' been?" I ask Aaron and pull away to talk to him.

"Pretty good," Aaron answers. "Chuck alright?"

"She's fuckin' fine."

"I brought her a little birthday present since I missed her actual birthday."

"She'll fuckin' love that." I smile at the man. "But let's get to business first."

I go over to Rick and shake his hand.

Rick gestures to the guy I don't know yet. "That's Eugene."

"Hello," Eugene says in a weird ass monotone voice. This dude is one strange looking motherfucker. He's got a pair of those long baggy shorts paired with a wrinkly button up. And an honest to god mullet on his head.

"Holy shit!" I call out with a fuckin' laugh as I face mullet man. "You must've just fuckin' time travelled from 1993 sporting hair like that!"

"Though traveling through the space-time continuum would be fairly awesome and, were it possible, could more than solve our current problems re. the dead reanimating through manipulating the past to change the present, I assure you that I have not come here from the aforementioned year as traveling to the future is, in fact, nigh on impossible. Especially with the technology available in 1993, which would have been the 'present' to our 'future' in this context, if you will," he runs all together in that same monotone voice.

I fuckin' stare at the fucker for a minute before I burst out laughing. "Ho-ly _shit_!" I throw out my thumb at Eugene. "I fuckin' like this dude. You are weird as fuck, you know that?" I say to him.

"I am fully aware of the unique idiosyncrasies that set me apart from the population at large, yes," he answers my rhetorical question. For some reason.

I look over to Rick and he looks back at me almost embarrassed. "Eugene is, uh... Anyway, I brought him here because he's been working on some things for us. And you."

Glenn jumps in. "Eugene is our resident nerd. When we need something engineered, he does it for us."

I raise my eyebrows. "So what is it, exactly, that you have for me?"

They lead me to the truck and open up the back. It's full of equipment. Like, radio equipment, I guess.

"We found a hobby shop," Aaron starts to explain, "It was filled with all this stuff. Eugene's been working on it."

"What the fuck is it? Ham radios?" I guess. I seem to remember a neighbor when I was a kid being into this shit. He would sit for hours in his garage talking to people all around the fuckin' country.

"That is correct." Eugene picks up something from the truck and holds it up to show me. "Receivers, transmitters, antennae. We have the equipment here to set up our own long distance communication centers. This will allow us to give and receive orders. Send out positions. Establish ETAs PDQ."

"We can all keep in touch instantly," Rick fuckin' translates. "Instead of having to send someone out to get within walkie range. We have enough here for you, your outposts, and Hilltop. And we already set up a radio room back at Alexandria."

"Shit!" I call out. "That seems fuckin' useful."

Rick nods. "It'll be safer for all of us if we can contact each other." His tone is weird. Like he's worried about an attack or something. And I haven't even told him yet that one of my communities was wiped out, so...

"Did something happen?" I ask.

"Shit's kinda picked over around here, so we went out on the other side of the river scavenging," Daryl explains. "We ran into a group of walkers. We let 'em pass, but they got turned around and followed us. It wasn't natural. Someone turned 'em back to us."

"You guys all make it out?" I ask.

"We lost a couple," Daryl answers. "We had ta' kill the whole herd, since we couldn't get 'em back across the river and to the quarry easy. We didn't want 'em to follow us back home so we had ta' take 'em all out. Took a while. Two of ours got bit. Went out fightin'"

"Shit." I rub my hand down my face. "You still good on ammo?" I assume in a herd situation, they had to use their guns. And if shit like this keeps happening, all of us, Sanctuary, Alexandria, and Hilltop, are gonna have to work together to get through it. And everyone is gonna need fuckin' weapons and the ammo that goes with them.

Not that I would give them _my_ ammo. I'd just... I don't know... station some guys around their fuckin' gates so no one picks them off, or something.

They all look around to each other subtly. But I see it. They're definitely keeping something from me. And that pisses me off.

"We have enough," Rick answers vaguely.

"'Enough'?" I spit back then suck on my teeth. "You know... I didn't fight you when _you_ took weapons off the fuckin' table when we were negotiating trade. Even though _weapons_ were really all you fuckin' had to trade for the food I've provided. But we got past that shit and now we're both doing pretty fuckin' well." I let out a fuckin' breath and run my hand down my face. "But you acting all fuckin' weird about the subject of weapons _now_ is _not_ bolstering a sense of camaraderie in me. _Especially_ since I was only fuckin' asking about your ammo situation to make sure you guys were o-fuckin'-kay. Like the fuckin' generous gentleman I am." I walk closer to Rick to stand directly in front of him. "But are you being fuckin' _selfish_ , Ricky boy? Am I being taken advantage of? Because that would seriously," I push in closer, "piss. me. off."

"Rick," Aaron jumps in, "we should tell him. He's gotten us back on our feet with pretty much nothing in return."

Daryl lets out a huff. "Shut up, Aaron. Just because he sticks it in your niece, don't mean we can trust him. It don't make him family."

Before I can turn to swing Lucille at that redneck fuck's skull, Aaron gets in his face. And he's pissed. "It's not about that! Are you forgetting the fact that Negan turned the other cheek when _we_ almost killed him and his people? If I were him, I wouldn't have wanted anything to do with us after that! Hell, if roles were reversed, what do you think _you_ would have done?" He turns his head to Rick, "Or you? But, he," he gestures back to me, "gave us food. He's working with us to make the place where we all live safer. And he saved your life, _Daryl_! So stop being such a fucking dick!" He lets out a heavy breath. "And don't ever talk about Chucky that way again."

Everyone is silent for a minute, including me. Sometimes Aaron fuckin' surprises me. He's all cool and calm, but when he gets riled up, he can get shit done.

I turn back to Rick and I see him wrestling with whatever it is he's not telling me.

Rick finally lets out a breath. Apparently making his choice. "We have the means to make more bullets."

I raise my eyebrows. "Make more bullets?"

Rick nods.

I look over to Eugene, who looks like he's about ready to shit his pants. I point to him. "Courtesy of Professor Hockey Hair, the resident nerd, I'm assuming."

"Th-That is correct," Eugene confirms. "I know the proper recipe and techniques for casting and reloading bullets. A-And if the time comes when stockpiles of gunpowder become scarce..." He looks to Rick for a little reassurance in what he's saying, "I-I am confident that I could devise a way to make more."

"That's fuckin' interesting." I scratch at my beard. "You're a sneaky fuck, Rick. And I don't exactly like you hiding shit from me. Considering how fuckin' _generous_ I've been to you." I swing Lucille up onto my shoulder. "But I fuckin' understand why you kept that shit to yourself." I lean into him. "I _also_ have the means to make more bullets," I whisper.

It's true. I do. That shooting range we took over had all the shit we needed. And we have more than one of those prepper people that know how to do all that shit. _Plus_ , we've already scavenged a shit ton of bullets and guns. Ammo supply is not a problem for me. It just fuckin' bothers me more than a little bit that Rick fuckin' thought he had one over on me.

Rick looks at me like he's fuckin' shocked at what I said.

"Look Rick, I'm gonna lay it all out there. Something's fuckin' coming. I know it. You know it. Or else you wouldn't've brought that radio shit here for me. Now, I am fuckin' confident that me and my men can fight off whatever comes at us. I got the numbers. I got the fuckin' weapons. And I'm fuckin' smart as shit. But this world has to be more than just fighting. I want to build something more. That's why I'm working with you. That's why I didn't fuckin' _kill_ you and march to your goddamn home and kill the _rest_ of you."

"Negan," RIck starts, "I don't want to fight you. _We_ ,'' he gestures to his guys, "don't want to fight you." He lets out a heavy breath. "You're right. The shit I've seen... The people we've come across... Sometimes we just barely made it out alive. So you are right. We shouldn't keep these things from each other. We need to work _together_. As allies. True allies."

I nod. This'll be good, being allies. It feels weird to admit that I'm gonna actually work _with_ another group, but it's the best for fuckin' everyone. My people, Rick's people, my family.

My _family_.

My lips curl up in a smile. "Sounds fuckin' good, Rick." I turn back to the others. "Dr. Smarty Pants, get the shit you need out of the truck. There's a room on the second floor that will be a fuckin' perfect radio room." I turn to face the door and gesture for everyone to follow me. Which they do.

When we get to the room, which is a small empty office that we never used for anything, Eugene and Glenn dump the equipment in their hands onto the desk.

"Chucky always liked stuff like this," Aaron starts. "She could help Eugene out."

I shrug my shoulders a little and get my radio out to call her. I know she gets fuckin' bored sometimes. Not to mention that she's complained about not fuckin' earning her keep here, no matter how much I tell her that she doesn't need to work. Helping with this shit might make her feel more fuckin' useful.

"I do not require help," Eugene drones. "To be honest, anyone else will most likely be in the way. Unless your wife has a degree in engineering and a doctorate, she won't provide any more knowledge than what I already possess. I sincerely doubt that she would be of any assistance to me."

I glare at that chubby fucker. "You saying my girl is fuckin' stupid?"

"No," he answers hesitantly. "But I am aware that I possess an above average intellect, so statistically speaking, odds are in my favor that I am much more intelligent than your... girl."

I scrunch up my face and turn to Aaron. "Is he fuckin' serious?"

Aaron nods and he doesn't look fuckin' impressed. "Probably."

I shake my head and hold my radio to my face. "Chuck. Pick up," I say into it.

" _Everything okay?"_ her sweet voice comes through a second later.

"Yeah, baby girl. Everything's good. Just come down to the second floor. To the room at the very end of the hall. And, uh, dress fuckin' casual."

" _Okay. Give me a minute."_

I put my radio away and turn back to Eugene. "If you fuckin' upset my girl when she gets here, _I_ will get upset. And if you're as fuckin' smart as you say you are, you'll realize just how much of a bad fuckin' idea it would be to upset me. Got it?"

Eugene fuckin' swallows hard. "Consider that message stamped received. Loud and clear."

"Good. Now get shit started."

Eugene gets to work setting shit up on the desk as the rest of us shoot the shit. Glenn immediately starts to talk about his wife, Maggie, who I've met. She's fuckin' pregnant, too, though she's not quite as far along as Chuck from what Glenn's saying. But he couldn't look any fuckin' happier if he tried.

"Maggie hasn't really had morning sickness too much, thankfully," Glenn comments. "But she keeps saying she wants pickles." He laughs.

"I got a guy that makes them. I'll send a jar home with you." I chuckle. "Earn you some fuckin' brownie points."

Chuck walks through the door and we all turn to her. She has those black leggings on that makes her ass look so fuckin' good. And a T-shirt I brought up for her that has the Joker on it. It's kinda loose on her belly, but you can still tell she's fuckin' pregnant.

"There's my girl," I call out and walk to her.

"Oh, uh..." She looks around at the other guys in the room then back to me. She looks nervous at first, but once she sees my fuckin' expression, she calms down. "Hello."

"Everyone. This is Chuck." I put my arm around Chuck and turn her to face Rick and the others before I point them out. "Chuck, that's Rick, Daryl, Glenn, and the guy with the haircut over there is Eugene."

They all greet her.

"Hey there, Chucky," Aaron says with a smile and comes over to hug her.

"Hi, Uncle Aaron." She hugs him back.

Aaron puts his hand on her belly. "How are you feeling?"

"Really good," she answers. "Still waiting to feel the baby move. But it might take a few more weeks."

Glenn comes closer to her. "Oh wow. You're so big."

Chuck gives him a look and I know what she's thinking. Cuz she's not fuckin' big. Depending on what she wears, you can barely see her belly.

"I mean, your belly's big," Glenn tries to backstep. But he's definitely not saying the right thing cuz Chuck is still giving him the stinkeye. "Not, like, _big_ like," he holds his hands out on his own stomach, " _fat_. I just mean..." He laughs nervously. "My wife's pregnant, too, but she's not even showing yet. Not as much as..." He chuckles again as he rubs his hand on the back of his neck.

Chuck's expression gets softer. "How far along is she?"

"Eleven weeks."

"She's not _too_ far behind me. I'm seventeen weeks."

"Well, you look great!" Glenn looks her up and down.

I know he's not fuckin' checking her out, but I glare at him all the same.

He notices me burning a hole in his fuckin' face with my eyes. "Uh... Great meaning healthy," he clarifies. "I just think it's so awesome that we all are in a place where we can raise kids. Have families. I never thought that would be possible again."

"A-fuckin'-men!" I clap Glenn on the shoulder a little too fuckin' hard, making him rub the area right after. "Anyway, Eugene is setting up some radio shit," I direct to Chuck. "I thought he could use some help."

"Oh, yeah. I can help." She goes over to Eugene and he starts fuckin' blabbering on about what he's doing. And Chuck jumps right in. No matter what that brainy fuck says, my girl's no goddamn dummy.

I stand back and watch them work as Daryl, Aaron, and Glenn start to fuckin' talk about shit. Rick comes up to me and stands silent for a minute.

"She doesn't look like your type," Rick comments discreetly. He's a dour motherfucker usually, but I can tell he's fuckin' joking with me now. Otherwise, I probably would've introduced his teeth to my fuckin' fist.

"And what exactly do you think my type is?" I answer quietly.

He shrugs. "I guess I should've said that _you_ don't look like _her_ type."

I laugh. "You're probably fuckin' right, there, but for some reason, she's still with my sorry ass."

Chuck looks back at me and gives me one of those sweet fuckin' smiles that makes my damn heart fuckin' melt.

"I'm an incredibly lucky fuckin' man."

It doesn't take Chuck and Eugene long to get shit done in there, even with them fuckin' talking about comic books the whole goddamn time. That mulleted fucker is weird as shit, but fuck if he doesn't seem actually normal talking about nerdy shit with Chuck. And she seems fuckin' happy, too.

Eugene calls out to Alexandria and they answer back. It sounds like Carl, actually. So everything is up and fuckin' running.

After that, Aaron and Eugene go off with Chuck to go hang out and probably do some nerdy shit. I trust Aaron to be alone with Chuck. And I'm fuckin' sure he won't let anything happen to her, so if he's okay with Eugene being around her, I'm okay with it, too.

Besides, my saviors have been told that they are to keep an eye out on Chuck whenever they see her. So I got nothing to worry about.

Me, Rick, Daryl, and Glenn head over to my meeting room to discuss shit. I tell them all about my community that got wiped out and they agree that it sounds fuckin' fishy. Especially with the similar shit that happened to them, too.

Rick tells me that Eugene came up with some sorta contraption that spins in the wind and makes a loud whistling noise that the biters will fuckin' hear out in the wild. They're planning to put it in the quarry to lead the dead fucks to it. Which is a good fuckin' idea. Get the wanderers to drop right in to where we want them all on their own.

I've been looking over the maps and came up with some other places to corral the dead before winter hits, so I bring that shit up with Rick. He agrees to help set up the other... what the fuck should I call them? _Dead zones_. Yeah. Me and Rick are gonna set up a few more dead zones, complete with Professor Smarty Pants's whistling machines, around my area. We get all the logistics of that fuckin' stuff outta the way before I give Rick and his guys the ten cent tour my Sanctuary.

— —

A few days later, Chuck stands at the gate to see Aaron off. The other Alexandrians only stayed for a few hours the day they arrived, but Aaron stayed longer to visit with Chuck and celebrate her belated birthday.

Once the car leaves, Chuck goes back inside, headed upstairs to meet with Negan for dinner. On her way to the stairwell, though, she gets stopped by Julie, whom she met for the first time at the pregnancy announcement party.

"Oh, hello, Julie. How are you and..." it takes a moment for Chuck to remember the woman's daughter's name, "Nicole?"

"We're great! How are you and your little one?" she asks cheerily as she motions to Chuck's belly.

"We're great, too! Thanks for asking." Chuck still finds it surprising that people care about her and the baby, but she's getting used to it.

"I wanted to tell you that me and Nicole loved your music at the parties. Some of it was a little too rock and roll for me, but it was still good. You're very talented."

Chuck's cheeks redden at the compliment. "Oh, thank you! That's so nice of you to say."

"I think that the younger children would love to hear some live music, too. And maybe even be taught how to play. The classroom here is basic at best. We only have three teachers, one math, one English, and one elementary teacher. My husband is the math teacher and he's kind of in charge of the kids' education. The teachers do their best, but the kids could use something more... _fun_ to learn. Maybe even the older teenagers could join in with the music, instead of only having their jobs to worry about. Give them something to... work towards, I guess."

"That's a good idea!" Chuck concurs. "I wonder if there are any music teachers here that could teach them."

Julie laughs. "I mean _you_. _You_ could teach them."

"Me?" Chuck giggles nervously. "I'm not very good with kids."

"Well... It'll give you some practice before your little one comes." Julie smiles hopefully.

Chuck thinks it over for a moment. "You know what? That sounds awesome! I would love to do it! I can start tomorrow."

The next day before the classes start, Chuck heads off to the classroom on the first floor. Chuck's never been there and has to be shown the way by the saviors she's employed to carry a couple of guitars and a few keyboards to the room. The room is down a back hallway and in a completely remote part of The Sanctuary.

 _I'm guessing when they first set this place up, they weren't thinking about children being around. If they had thought about it, they wouldn't have put the classroom in such a dreary place._

Once she gets to the room though, she sees that it looks pretty much like any school room. Well actually, like three schoolrooms in one.

The walls are painted a cream color and the floor is covered in industrial tile in a grayish blue. One wall is obviously for little kids; a rug in primary colors sits in front of a chalkboard with a big colorful alphabet along the top of it. The other two walls look more like high school rooms with a few desks set up before the chalkboards, one for math and one for English. All of the different areas are separated by movable partitions.

The saviors start to set the instruments down in the unoccupied corner as the teachers, Chuck presumes, make their way to her.

Everyone introduces themselves. Graham Harrison, Julie's husband, is the head teacher and teaches math. Leon Smith is the English and literature teacher. And Laurie Kennedy teaches the young kids.

After the introductions, they have some time to talk before the children come in.

"When my wife said she asked you to come here and you agreed, well, I was shocked to be quite honest," Graham comments with a nervous laugh. He looks like the quintessential math teacher. Lanky, balding, wire rimmed glasses, outfit all in beige.

"Oh?" Chuck says with raised eyebrows.

"You wives... Well, I mean, the wives _before_ you, I suppose, never really came down below too much."

Chuck is a little offended at his insinuation, but shrugs it off. He's not exactly wrong. "I like coming down here and earning my keep." Chuck suddenly realizes how her statement sounds, so she tries to clarify. "Not that the wives don't want to earn their keep," she spits out quickly. "But... They just- It's hard to understand if you aren't in their position. It's kinda complicated, I guess." She lets out a huff. "Anyway, I just hope that I can teach the kids well. I'm not exactly trained in education," she tries to change the subject.

"I'm sure the kids will be happy to have something new and exciting going on down here," Laurie cuts in.

Before too long, the kids, three toddlers, five between the ages of five and ten, and seven ages ten to fourteen, come in. Chuck knew that at age fifteen, people could start earning points, so most teenagers take that route instead of wanting to continue school. Though the teachers say that some teens in the workforce still come in after their shifts to learn more advanced math from Graham or to discuss more in depth literature with Leon. Chuck hopes that she'll get to meet those kids, because if she were their age now, she would probably be trying to get extra lessons, too. She always enjoyed learning.

Graham introduces the children to Chuck and she starts to play some kid-friendly songs for them on the guitar and keyboard. The kids all respond well to the light musical fare. After that, Chuck asks who would like to learn how to play music on their own. They all enthusiastically raise their hands. Even the older kids who are just starting to get into the "too cool for school" age.

Chuck spends an hour or so going over the very basics of music before it is time for the kids to get along with their regular studies. All in all, everyone seems to have enjoyed the music lesson. Chuck included. And she's looking forward to more days teaching the children.

Chuck looks at the time and realizes that it's almost time for her gardener friends to have their lunch break. Feeling a bit peckish herself, she decides to go out to the gardens to wait for the ladies to go on break so they all can have lunch.

Chuck leaves the building and walks out into the crisp fall air. She's still wearing a light sundress, but added a cardigan because of the recent cooler temperatures. Chuck turns the corner of the building to head to the gardens, but stops short at what she sees. Ducking back behind the corner so she's not too obvious, she watches with a huge smile on her face as Simon and Patty chat near the greenhouse all alone. And they're not just _chatting_. They step in closer to each other so they're almost chest to chest. Simon lightly brushes Patty's hair off her shoulder. Patty laughs and touches Simon's chest.

 _Oh my god! They're flirting! That's so adorable! I love it!_

Chuck is started away from her thoughts by a sharp pinch on her butt cheek. She instantly flips around to see Negan's smirking face.

"Negan!" Chuck slaps him on the chest. "You scared me."

"Sorry, baby girl. But I couldn't resist." He takes her hand in his ungloved one. "Jesus, Chuck. You're fuckin' cold." He passes Lucille off to her to hold and shrugs off his jacket, holding it out to her after. "Put this on."

"I'm not that cold."

One look from him tells her that it's useless to argue with him.

She lets out an exasperated sigh. "Fine." She trades Lucille for the jacket and throws it on. As soon as her hands pass through the warm sleeves, she realizes just how cold she actually is.

"Since it's getting cold, maybe I should get a leather jacket like this of my own," she teases. "We can match."

"I'll keep my eyes out for one," he throws right back with a smirk. "But I think you're gonna need a different style to fit that fuckin' belly later on."

"Shoot. You're right. I really need to get on finding some warmer maternity clothes. It's gonna be winter."

"Like I'm gonna let you out-fuckin'-side when shit freezes over," he says partially sarcastically and pulls Chuck into him to kiss her. Chuck isn't really sure just how much truth is in the statement.

She pushes away from him and throws him an angry look. " _Let_ me? So I'm just gonna be locked up for a whole season?"

"Fuck no!" he calls out. "It doesn't freeze over right away. You'll just be locked up for a fuckin' month or so," he jokes back with a satisfied look on his face.

"Pssh," Chuck dismisses. "But since we're talking about seasons... You know what the best holiday of Fall is...?" she says with a lilt to get Negan to say what she wants.

"Thanksgiving?" he responds instantly.

"What?! No! Thanksgiving? No!"

He laughs, knowing full well that that's not what she meant.

" _Halloween_ is the best holiday! And it's next week. We should do something for it."

"How many fuckin' parties do you want, baby girl?!" he calls out pretending to be shocked. "It seems like all I'm doing is organizing fuckin' parties for you!"

Chuck laughs. "I didn't ask for those parties, if you remember correctly. And this doesn't have to be the whole Sanctuary. Just something set up in one of the rec rooms or something." She looks up at him with a sly smile. "You know, this place _does_ have kids and they should get to have some fun." Chuck adjusts the oversized jacket on her shoulders. "Besides, Halloween's awesome."

Negan pulls her back into him and kisses her sweetly. "If you wanna organize that shit, I'm fuckin' okay with it."

Chuck smiles wide in excitement. "Yay!"

Negan kisses her again and pulls back. "So why the fuck were you just standing here when I came up?"

"Oh." Chuck turns around and points to Simon and Patty, who are still chatting. "I was spying on them."

"Oh, shit," Negan says with a smirk. "Simon finally found someone to put his dick in."

Chuck slaps him on the chest. "Don't be vulgar! I think they're cute together." Chuck giggles as she thinks about the things Patty has said to her about Simon. And how hot she thinks he is. "But Patty is _definitely_ DTF with Simon."

Negan laughs. "Jesus Christ! 'DTF'? Where'd you get that fuckin' potty mouth from!"

"Ha ha." She nudges him with her elbow. "Very funny."

"Well, unfortunately I'm gonna have to interrupt their foreplay. I was actually looking for Simon when I found you gawking."

"Oh. Okay." Chuck takes Negan's jacket off and hands it back to him. "Here. I'm going in to eat lunch anyway." She gets up on her tiptoes and kisses Negan. "See ya later."

— Negan's POV —

I get my jacket back on and watch as Chuck heads for the door. It _is_ getting fuckin' cold now. And I can just guess that Chuck's gonna want to play around in the damn snow when we get some. So, I gotta make sure to get her some cute ass winter clothes that'll fit her baby bump as she gets bigger.

I walk up to Simon and his apparent conquest, but they're too busy to notice.

"Ahem!" I over exaggerate.

Simon turns around to me and clears his throat nervously. "Oh, hey, Negan!"

I raise my eyebrows at him and chuckle. "Am I fuckin' interrupting?" I tease. Knowing full well that I am.

He shoots me a look. "You need me for something, boss?"

I point away telling him to take a walk with me.

He nods and looks back to Patty. "I'll see you tonight," he says quietly. Like he doesn't want me to hear.

"Yeah. See you later," she responds in such an overtly fuckin' sexual way. Chuck was right. That girl is definitely DTF.

I start to walk away and give Simon a fuckin' moment to catch up to me as I lead him to a quiet fuckin' corner of The Sanctuary.

"What's up, brother?" he asks when I turn back to him.

"We just got word back from some of our fuckin' guys looking for our mysterious dead herder group outside. Andy and his brother didn't find shit out their way. But TJ found some tire tracks. And Regina found evidence of the fuckin' dead in a random storage container hidden out in the fuckin' woods."

"Shit." Simon scratches at his cheek. "Did they find the group?"

I shake my head. "Whoever these fuckers are, they can cover their tracks."

"So we still got nothing?"

"For now. But we both know they're out there. And they're biding their fuckin' time for some reason."

"We should watch that storage container to see if they come back to it."

"I already got guys on it," I respond. "I want you to go out on the next scheduled pickups and offer them the same deal I wanted you to offer the library people. There's only, what, thirty some people in the two groups?"

Simon nods. "About."

"I know some of them hate my guts, but I think once they see that they can be fuckin' safe and protected, _and_ fed, they'll change their goddamn tune. Tell them they can come here or go to the outposts or Hilltop, if they want. Their choice. And fuckin' stress that they are on probation. If they fuck up, the punishment is a date with Lucille. No exceptions."

"Sure thing, boss. I don't think we'll really have a problem with them."

I nod and scratch at my face. "So you and the gardener, huh?" I change the subject.

He gets a goofy fuckin' smile and shrugs. "We've been talking."

I laugh. I'm pretty fuckin' good at reading body language, and the shit their bodies were saying heavily fuckin' implied that they do more than 'talking'. "You hitting it when you see her tonight?" I ask. He had to've known I'd fuckin' hear him when he said he'd see her.

He chuckles and shrugs again. "Probably. She comes on pretty strong and knows what she wants."

"Is this just a 'fucking' thing or you actually like her?"

He smiles again. "I like her. I _really_ like her. Actually."

I smile back at him. I'm happy for the fucker. "Good for you, brother!" I clap him on the back. "I'm fuckin' happy as shit for you!"

He laughs and nods. "I'm actually happy, too. For once."

Shit. I don't think he fuckin' meant to, but that shit actually made me feel guilty. For Chuck. And Lucille.

"You deserve to be fuckin' happy, Simon. You're one of the best fuckin' men I've ever known, even if I don't say it enough. I love you, brother."

He looks at me a little shocked. "Shit, Negan." He rubs the back of his neck and chuckles nervously. "Are you getting some of Chuck's pregnancy hormones, because that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

"Pfft," I dismiss him. "Fine, I take it all back. Fuck! You try to say something nice..." I joke.

As we walk back into the building, I think about what he's said. Am I getting fuckin' soft? If I am, is that a fuckin' bad thing?

Hmm. What-the-fuck-ever. I'm happy. My girl's happy. My friend's happy. That's all that counts right now.


	45. Chapter 45

Chuck has spent the whole week planning and preparing for the Halloween party for the kids. Her initial plan was to have people set up tables in the big rec room on the second floor as little trick or treat stations for the kids to visit, since going door to door seemed out of the question. But when Chuck started to ask people if they were interested in handing out treats, she got much more support than she imagined. So much, in fact, that the Halloween festivities were relocated to the much larger cafeteria. The kids' party will start after the dinner hour with classic trick or treat. The residents that agreed to participate will set up and decorate their tables then hand out mostly small toys since candy is scarce. But some people said they would make their own sweets to hand out or give the kids fruit. Then there will be kid friendly activities like a costume contest, bobbing for apples, scary stories, stuff like that.

When Chuck was asking around, many people said they would love to have a Halloween party for themselves, too. So after the children are gone for the night, a proper party will start for the adults. With Negan's blessing, of course. Though he did tease Chuck about the whole affair turning into a big party, even after she said it would be just for the kids.

It's early on Halloween morning when Chuck wakes up. Negan is still sleeping, nestled in behind her, so she knows it's just after dawn. She closes her eyes again to get back to sleep, but snaps them open when she realizes what woke her up.

A fluttering in her belly.

She lets out an excited gasp.

Negan groans sleepily behind her. "Baby girl?" he rasps in his half asleep voice.

"I can feel the baby moving. I think."

Negan starts to wake up a little more. "What?"

Chuck shifts to lay on her back and puts her hands on her stomach. "The baby," she says with a giggle. "It's moving."

Negan smiles lazily and lays his hand on Chuck's belly. "He still moving?"

"Yeah. I can still feel it."

Negan's smile falls a little. "I can't feel anything."

"The baby might need to get bigger before you can feel it." Chuck smiles big. "But I can definitely feel it."

Negan shifts closer to Chuck and rubs her belly for a few moments. "You still feel him?"

"Why do you alway say 'him'?" Chuck asks with a smirk.

"You know that baby's a fuckin' boy."

She giggles. "And why's that?"

"He just is." He bends down to kiss Chuck's stomach.

She laughs at his certainty. "I guess we'll find out in a couple of days when we get the ultrasound."

Negan straightens back up and settles over her on his elbows. "You think it's a girl?"

Chuck shrugs. "I don't know. It could be either. 50/50, you know."

He bends down to kiss her sweetly. "You think he felt me fucking you last night?"

Chuck laughs sluggishly and covers her eyes with her arm. "I don't think so. I mean... If it felt anything, it would just be... jostling," she gets out through her giggles then settles her hand on his bicep.

Negan chuckles, too, and pushes a lock of Chuck's hair from her face. "You sure he can't feel my dick?"

Chuck tries to answer through more giggles. "Yes, I'm sure!" Her whole body shakes as her laughter builds.

Negan can't hold back any longer and laughs, too. Like full on laughs, though their lazy ones. "My dick's really big, though."

"Your dick doesn't go up into my womb, Negan! No matter how big!"

They laugh for a moment before they calm down.

"You know," Chuck starts in a teasing way, " _certain people_ haven't seen the nursery yet."

Negan chuckles at Chuck's tone. "'Certain people' meaning _you_?"

"Now that you mention it, I _haven't_ seen the nursery that will be the room for the baby that _I'm_ currently carrying." She tries to guilt him, but not in a serious way.

"How about I show it to you after the ultrasound."

"Finally!" she cries out with an over dramatic huff.

Negan laughs. "You're gonna love it. I fuckin' promise."

"I'm sure I will. Especially with as much time as you took to get it ready."

"It's almost fuckin' done, alright?" He fakes being offended. "It needed to be fuckin' perfect. The very last thing they're gonna do is open up the door into our room." Negan kisses her quickly and rolls off her to stand from the bed. "You up now?"

"Yeah." She shifts to sit up and rubs her eyes. "I don't think I'll get back to sleep again."

"I'll make us some breakfast."

As the pair sits at the table and eats their blueberry pancakes, they talk about the Halloween party.

"You get that costume all finished?" Negan asks then takes a big bite.

"Yup. All done."

Even though Chuck had always loved to dress up in scary costumes before, she decided that for the first post apocalypse Halloween, she'd dress cute for the kids, instead. Especially since she doesn't know how the kids are going to react to everything. So she figured a cat costume would be perfect. She made cat ears out of felt and a headband and added pink felt to cheap black gloves to make paws. She found a black and white baby doll dress that she plans to wear over a black, long sleeved body suit and black knee high socks with little kitty faces on the knees. And her black Chucks, of course.

"Can't wait to see you lookin' all fuckin' cute in it."

"Are you gonna dress up and make an appearance?" she asks, knowing the probable answer.

"Pfft!" is the response. Negan gets up from the table and throws his dishes in he sink. "I'm gonna jump in the fuckin' shower."

While he's in the bathroom, Chuck gets dressed in the bedroom. She decides to try the new lotion she got from Paula. She had smelled it on the woman a few days before and loved it, so Paula made her up some for herself. Chuck rubs the lotion into her skin before she puts her clothes on

When Negan exits the bathroom, he pauses. "What's that fuckin' smell?"

"Is it me?" Chuck walks over to Negan and holds her arm out to his face.

He puts his nose to her skin and sniffs. "Yeah. It's you," he says in a weird tone.

"You don't like it?"

"What is it?" he doesn't answer her question.

"Lotion. Paula gave it to me. She made it out of aloe and roses and some other stuff. Do you like it?"

He sits down on his bed to put his boots on. "It's fine."

Chuck takes that as a 'no'. "I think it smells good. My mom used to wear a perfume that smelled just like it. She always liked roses..." She shrugs. "But if you don't like it-"

"I like it," he spits back quickly.

Chuck's eyebrows shoot up in reaction. "Obviously," she mutters sarcastically.

He lets out a huff. "Roses were Lucille's favorite flower, okay? She planted them in the front garden, so every summer, all you could smell when you entered the house was fuckin' roses."

"I'm sorry." Chuck realizes that the same smell that brought memories of her mother to her, brought memories of Lucille to Negan. She walks over to him and cradles his face as he sits on the edge of the bed. "I won't wear it if it hurts you."

"No." He grabs her hand and kisses her wrist. "I want you to wear it."

"You sure? I don't want to bring up hurtful memories."

"Not hurtful. Just... It surprised me." He gets up and bends his head down to kiss Chuck. "I like it on you."

"You sure?"

He looks down at her sincerely. "Yeah, baby girl."

Chuck stands in her costume at her table in the cafeteria putting the finishing touches on her decorations. She had made paper garland bats and ghosts which she hung on the front as well as an elaborately carved jack o'lantern featuring Dracula's face. She had her box of small toys that she had gathered from the warehouse set in the middle of the table, ready to be plundered by the kids. Looking around at the other tables, she realizes that many people really put an effort into decorating. And the fact that there are so many tables warms her heart. There's really not that many children at The Sanctuary, but most of them are from working families that may not have the points to buy toys. So the kids are going to be so happy to get so many treats tonight.

The children start to walk in and their eyes go wide with excitement. Chuck had been preparing them all week in the classroom with spooky songs and a little history on Halloween. The younger children probably never experienced the holiday before and the older ones may not even remember, so Chuck thought that explaining the day and building it up was necessary. And it worked. The children could barely contain their excitement all week for the chance to have something light and fun to do for once.

Chuck is so happy to see that the kids are all dressed up. Not in the sleek store bought costumes of the time before, but handmade ones that Chuck thinks are more charming. There are some ghosts and some witches. A cat, a mouse, and two dogs. And one kid dressed as Negan, which Chuck thinks is hilarious.

As soon as everything gets into full swing, the doors open and Negan walks in with a flourish. At first, Chuck thinks that he's just dressed normally, but when she looks more closely, she sees that that's not the case. His normal white/black/gray T-shirt has been traded for a bright red one underneath his open leather jacket. And he's wearing a set of devil's horns atop his head. Chuck looks over Negan's shoulder and sees that Negan had put extra barbed wire on Lucille and fashioned it into a pitchfork design on the end.

Everyone laughs and claps as he walks across the floor, before kneeling to give him the respect he deserves.

"Is everyone having a good ass time?!" Negan calls out with his arms outstretched.

All the kids laugh and cheer.

"That's fuckin' great!" He grabs a glass of apple cider off of a table and takes a big drink. "Fuck, that's good," he says to himself before addressing the crowd. "Carry on!" As everyone resumes their activities, he walks over to Chuck and greets her with a kiss.

"What do you think?" She gestures out toward the crowd.

"Honestly," he looks her up and down, "the only thing I can think about is you in those fuckin' knee highs." He growls. "Fuck. We're definitely adding those to your wardrobe."

"Negan!" She slaps him on the chest. "There are kids around," she hisses out.

"What do you expect, pussycat?" He leans closer to her. "I _am_ the fuckin' devil."

Chuck giggles, but swings her head around when she hears an excited little voice at her table.

"I'm Negan!" the little girl calls out, waving around her plastic Lucille wrapped in black yarn and dressed in a little black hoodie paired with a red tutu.

"Ho-ly _shit_!" Negan walks around the table to stand before the girl and her mom.

The mom nervously pulls her daughter back and bows her head. "I'm sorry, sir. I didn't think you'd be here," she says to Negan. "She wanted to dress as you. We didn't mean disrespect."

"Shit, honey, it's alright. I take this shit as a fuckin' compliment." He bends down to get to the girl's level. "You are cute. as. shit!"

"I wanted to say swears, but Mommy won't let me," the little girl says with a pout.

"Well, little miss Negan, I tend to agree with your mom there. No swears until you're old enough to understand what they fuckin' mean. And that's an order."

"Okay, Mr. Negan."

"Now," he stands and pushes the girl closer to the table and the box of toys on top, "why don't you pick out a toy."

The girl looks through the box and grabs a packet of colored pencils. "Drawing's my favorite! But I've never used these before." She jumps up and down excitedly. "I only have crayons."

"Well, there you go," Negan says gently. "You can draw me a pretty fuckin' picture with those!"

"What do you say?" the mother prods to the girl.

"Thank you Miss Chuck. Thank you, Mr. Negan."

"You're most certainly fuckin' welcome," Negan bends down again and boops the little girl's nose. He walks back around the table to stand next to Chuck once again.

"You're such a softy," Chuck teases.

"Hmm," he pulls her in for a hug, "Get over here so I can show you how _not soft_ I am."

Chuck giggles, but pushes away from him. "Children," she reminds with a wave of her hand to the kids roaming around.

The children go through the rest of the activities eagerly. They make a huge mess bobbing for apples. "Little Miss Negan" wins the costume contest, naturally. And the scary stories are a hit. Chuck tells a few classics, along with a couple original ones. Negan even tells one, a variation of the hookman urban legend, which the children enjoy throughly.

It's a side of Negan that rarely comes out, but it makes Chuck love him all the more. He's great with the kids. Gentle, attentive, entertaining, but strong. Chuck never had any doubt, but this just cements the fact that Negan will be an amazing father.

Once the children leave, the floor is opened up to give the adults room to dance and a bar is set up in the back. It doesn't take long for people in their Halloween garb to start pouring in.

"Wow. Most people actually dressed up," Chuck muses to Negan as they stand back and watch people dance to the music. "It's cute!"

Negan sets Lucille on the table behind them and leans back on it to focus on what Chuck sees. "I don't know if I would use the word 'cute'. 'Slutty', maybe," Negan responds with a smirk.

"Don't judge!" Chuck giggles. "They're having fun." She pauses. "But I won't be surprised if the birthdate skyrockets in nine months, by the looks of things," she jokes as she gestures to the people dancing. Not only are people scantily clad, but they are also getting pretty wild on the dance floor already.

"You wanna get nasty out on the dance floor with me, too?" Negan jokes.

Chuck shoots him a look. "You honestly think I could in front of everyone? You know, considering the belly." She points down at herself. "And, oh yeah, the _social anxiety_ ," she jokes in self deprecation.

"Baby girl," he pulls her around him so that she's standing in between his legs as he's still leaning on the table, "all joking aside, I'm so fuckin' proud of the way you've embraced this being in the public eye shit. You're good with everyone. Especially the fuckin' kids. And everyone loves the shit outta you cuz they know that you're damn special. You might see yourself as that same shy girl you were in high school, but I see a fuckin' beautiful, amazing, caring woman standing before me. A woman that hasn't stuttered or stumbled once all night even though she's talked to fuckin' everyone." He cradles her face in his hands. "So don't hold on to that anxiety shit. Let it go."

Chuck smiles at his words. It truly means the world to her that Negan cares for her so much and has that faith in her. But she'd never really stood back and looked at herself in that way. She hadn't realized that she _has_ changed. Being with Negan has changed her. Made her more confident. Gave her a purpose. Made her happy. So the changes have definitely been for the better.

But Chuck doesn't really feel like crying in front of everyone, so she decides to joke with Negan instead of getting all mushy. "Don't butter me up thinking I'll let you grind on me on the dance floor."

Negan tilts his head back to laugh. "Can't blame a guy for tryin'." He stands and turns her body away from him to wrap his arms around her waist, his head propped on her shoulder. He leans into her and begins to sway to the music. "I love you, Chuck," he whispers in her ear then kisses her cheek.

Simon and Patty walk up to Chuck and Negan in matching convict costumes. Simon hands Negan an unlabeled bottle without prompt.

Negan takes a drink of the clear liquid and lets out a hiss. "Oooh. That's good. Sanctuary moonshine is the fuckin' best." He hands the bottle back to Simon.

"Are you guys enjoying the party?" Chuck asks eagerly.

"We're having so much fun!" Patty slurs with a laugh and a hiccup.

Simon chuckles. "She's been getting into the 'shine, too," he explains.

"I never had it before!" Patty yells, obviously not in control of her voice. "It costs too much."

"That's the fuckin' perk of dating my top savior, huh? Free shit," Negan jokes.

"Not the only perk!" Patty grabs Simon's crotch and laughs. "Hung like a horse!"

Chuck giggles and tries to cover her red cheeks as Negan lets out a booming laugh.

Simon chuckles nervously and pulls Patty's hands away from him. "I think I need to find you some water." He starts to pull her away and throws back a wave to Chuck and Negan.

"I think Simon's in over his head," Chuck jokes.

"Nah. He can handle himself," Negan replies. "Though I guess he won't have to _handle himself_ anymore." He looks really pleased with his joke.

"Gross, Negan. I don't want to think about that."

Negan laughs. "Sorry to burst your bubble, pussycat, but all men jerk off."

"But I don't have to _hear_ about it!"

"You listen to Tonya talk about her own goddamn pussy 24/7 and are perfectly fuckin' fine with it! You're being a tad fuckin' sexist, if you ask me."

"Shut up." Chuck smacks him on the shoulder playfully.

— Negan's POV —

Why did I drink the moonshine last night? God, I'm fuckin' feeling it now. And from the looks of most of my men today, they are feeling their night of debauchery, too.

It was fuckin' fun, though. Even the rated G shit with the kids _before_ that was fuckin' fun. Seeing all the kids have fuckin' fun is something that I wasn't sure would ever fuckin' happen again. I thought the best we could do was to just have them survive. But we can do fuckin' better now. We can actually give them more of a goddamn childhood.

And seeing Chuck all fuckin' cute and giddy with all the Halloween shit just made me melt. That girl has me wrapped so far around her fuckin' finger. And that costume she had on... Fuck! She looked equal parts adorable and fuckable.

As I'm walking around the grounds, Dwight comes up to me.

"Negan," he calls out before he gets to me.

"Yeah?"

"The teams outside the fences are late on their check-ins."

"Which ones?"

"All of them."

Fuck... Fuck!

One team? Yeah. It happens. They get caught up. Don't check the time.

Two? Maybe. They both get into something and can't call back.

But _all_ of them? On the same day? That's fuckin' something. That's a message.

"Get some more guys out-"

I get interrupted by both my and Dwight's radios going off. " _We got incoming on the gate!_ "

"Motherfucker!" I start to run to the gate, Dwight on my heels.

Gunshots ring out. Coming from my guys shooting at what's coming at us. But I can hear an air horn just under the gunfire.

"They're gonna ram the gate!" someone yells.

I'm not really that close to the gate yet when there's a huge fuckin' crash. I watch as a goddamn armored truck blaring its horns barrels through the fences headed straight for the building.

Fuck! If it hits the building...!

By the grace of fuckin' god, the wheels of the truck get bound up by the fencing that it just obliterated and it veers fuckin' sharply to hit one of our trucks. It's stopped, but the goddamn horn is still blaring.

My guys are running around, trying to get the hurt out of the fuckin' debris and into the infirmary.

" _Herd! Herd! Herd incoming!_ " a voice yells out of the radio.

I finally run up one of the platforms to look out at the road leading up to the now open gates. And I see the biggest fuckin' herd I've ever fuckin' seen slowly approaching my home.

"Fuckin' Christ," I mutter before I get my shit together and think.

There's no goddamn way we can block the huge fuckin' gaping hole in our fence. Not that our fence would do much against this monster fuckin' horde anyway. And we can't get the guys out to try to lead these fuckers away, either. There's just too many of the biters and The Sanctuary is too enticing of a goddamn treat. We don't have the fuckin' time, or the goddamn space to split them up.

"Shut that goddamn horn off!" I scream at anyone within earshot. "And get the fuck inside. We need to reinforce doors and shit fuckin' right now."

As me and a bunch of my men haul ass into the building, I hear the horn from that armored truck turn off, but it's too late. Those dead fucks know we're here. They're fuckin' coming.

I lift my radio up to my face, "Everyone on grounds, we are in a Red Situation, as in, there is a herd of dead fuckers on its way, so you got _one minute_ to get your asses in the building before the doors get permanently fuckin' locked. Get in here right fuckin' now." I turn to my men right at the door. "You heard that. Red Situation. Follow protocol and lock this door then seal it the fuck up in one minute. No fuckin' exceptions."

"Yes, sir."

Goddamnit. I hope the plan we made for a situation like this is fuckin' enough. Doors on the ground floor get sealed and everyone who isn't a fuckin' savior gets evacuated from the first floor. If there's a breach, my trained men can, hopefully, take the fuckers out leaving the citizens upstairs fuckin' safe.

Chuck flashes in my mind.

I can't think about her right now. She's fuckin' safe upstairs. And I have to get shit done to ensure that she stays fuckin' safe through this.

I run up to the second fuckin floor and to the radio room. One of my men is sitting in front of the microphone talking to someone.

"Who the fuck is that?"

"It's the Ranger Station outpost. They're surrounded. All the outposts are."

"Mother _fucker_!"

Goddamnit, this is bad.

"None of them can get out?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "They're all surrounded. Hilltop, too. And any of the guys outside... They can't be reached."

"Fuck!"

Simon runs in. "What the fuck is going on?"

"We're being ass fucked by those goddamn dead herders!"

"Shit! Can the outposts get out here and lead the dead off?"

"They are also being ass fucked. Dead all around them, too." I rub my hand down my cheek. "Switch to Rick's channel and call out."

The guy fuckin' does what he's told and as soon as Rick's voice comes through, I pick the microphone up to speak to him myself.

"That fuckin' dead herder group is making their play. We got a fuckin' big ass herd surrounding us and all my outposts. And fuckin' Hilltop. I'm asking you for help here, Rick. Please fuckin' tell me you're not getting your ass rammed, too."

" _It's quiet around us_ ," his voice comes though. " _And we will help you. I'll get my guys ready and we'll come up with a plan. How many dead are we talking about in the herd?_ "

"Hundreds. It's fuckin' huge."

" _We've dealt with numbers before. We'll come to help you._ "

I only have a second to dwell on the fact that I'm gonna be indebted to Rick before the radio on my belt goes off.

It's Sherry's voice. And she's scared. " _Negan?_ "

"What is it?" I answer.

" _Chuck's gone._ "

No. No no. Not this.

I swear to god, all the blood drains into my feet. "The fuck you mean ' _gone_ '?!"

" _She's not up here. And... You just need to get up here._ "

"Fuck!" I scream. I scream again. I keep screaming.

Simon grabs my face to pull me out of it. "Go up there. I'll stay here and coordinate shit."

I don't even nod. I just start running. Through the halls. Up the stairs two, three at a time.

This can't be happening. Not this. Not now! Not when I have fuckin' _everything_! I can't lose it. I can't lose her. _Them_.

I pull open the door to my floor and start running. I pause just for a fuckin' instant when I see the wives, and Jose, standing out in the hallway in front of the nursery. Tonya's holding onto Frankie, who's crying. And Sherry is fuckin' chewing on her damn nails.

But I don't care about them. All I see is the open nursery door. It shouldn't be open.

"I didn't see anything," Jose chokes out as I approach. "I swear!"

I can't even really think about what he's saying, so I fuckin' push past him. I walk through and my head automatically turns to the right to see that the wall is cut away heading into my fuckin' bedroom. It's shouldn't be open! Not fucking yet!

But I can't dwell on that because I realize why my head turned. It turned away from the fucking smell. The sick smell of copper and death. I turn back to it.

Three of my men lay fuckin' dead in the middle of the room in a puddle of their own blood. The three men that I had working up here on the damn nursery. Each fuckin' shot once in the head. Clean.

And on the wall right behind the crib is a fuckin' message scrawled out in their blood.

" _Cooperate and she lives._ "


	46. Chapter 46

It's the day after Halloween and Chuck is dragging her feet up the stairs to the fifth floor, her light sundress allowing the cool air of the stairwell to give her a chill. The party last night had gone on far longer than she had thought it would. Or at least, she stayed far longer than she anticipated. She figured she would cut out early like she did with every other party she's ever been to, but she actually stayed until the end because she was having so much fun.

She danced with Negan a lot. She even danced with Tonya and Frankie for a while. She ate a bunch of treats people had made for the occasion. She even told some rated r versions of the scary stories she told earlier, which people enjoyed. Then others told even more stories and it went on for much of the night. Not to mention the fact that she had to entertain Negan when they got to the privacy of their own room, of course.

All of that led Chuck to have only a few hours of sleep before she had to be in the classroom to teach the children. But Chuck doesn't mind the drowsiness. Especially because everyone had such a good time last night. Seeing the kids excited and happy, then the residents having fun, it all gave Chuck some hope for a more normal future. A future where kids could be kids and people didn't have to be scared all the time.

When Chuck opens the door to the fifth floor, she hears music coming from down the hall towards Negan's apartment. She turns to José to greet him.

"Hey, José. Is Negan playing music down there?" Chuck is confused at the thought because Negan should be working and not up here right now.

"No. It's the guys in the nursery. They play music when no one's up here. You can tell them to turn it off. Sherry usually does when she gets up here and hears them playing it."

Chuck shrugs. "It doesn't bother me. And maybe it'll motivate them to get the nursery finished sooner," she jokes with a laugh.

José chuckles. "Negan's still keeping you outta there, huh?"

"Yes," she answers with a huff. "Only a few more days, though. He promised he'd show me after we get our next ultrasound and we see the sex of the baby."

"I'm sure it's perfect." He gives her a smile. "The baby _and_ the nursery," he clarifies in jest.

"I know they are." She smiles back. "Well. See you later," she calls out with a wave of her hand and walks into Negan's office. She proceeds on through the kitchen and to the bedroom. Once she opens the door, she immediately sees that there is a crude doorway cut out in the back wall leading to the nursery.

 _Oh my god! They're finished with the nursery! Well, not all the way finished because there's no doorframe or door there, but they must be done! Negan said that the last thing they'd do is cut the door out._

 _Should I have a peek? I don't think the guys in there heard me come in over the music they're playing. I could just peek my head in..._

Chuck kicks her shoes off and takes a few slow steps toward the doorway, but jumps back when a large figure comes out to fill the space. One of the saviors working in the nursery must've heard her, she figures. He's tall, about as tall as Negan, and very muscular, with buzzed dark hair. He appears to be in his early thirties.

Chuck giggles at herself and how she got caught. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to take a peek."

Before she even has time to react, the man lunges at her, flipping her around and covering her mouth with his large hand as his other arm wraps around her to pull her back into his chest. His grip is tight enough around her that she can't move either of her arms. Chuck kicks her legs out trying to find purchase as the man lifts her.

"Grab her feet!" the man calls back.

Another man comes out of the nursery. He's younger than the first and smaller, still big, though, with blond hair cut just above his jawline. He grabs Chuck's feet and wraps a ziptie around her ankles, pulling it tight enough that it digs into her skin as she struggles.

The man holding her bends down to speak directly into her ear. "If you fight or scream, I'll hurt you." He pauses to let his words sink in then lets go of her mouth and pulls both of her arms back hard, making her let out a yelp of pain. He zipties her wrists just as tightly as her ankles. "Gag her then get the trunk," he growls out to the other man.

The younger one does as he's told, shoving a bandana in her mouth and tying it tightly around her head. He goes into the nursery and comes back with a large trunk, plonking it down directly in front of her. The man holding her hoists her up so her feet are above the open trunk and the younger man guides her in. They push her down so that she's curled up in the trunk.

The older man leans back down into her space. "Don't you make a fucking noise, bitch." He slams the lid and latches it without another word.

Chuck is in shock as she processes the last few minutes.

 _What just happened? Who are these guys? Are they saviors? They must be. There's no way outsiders could get in here. Why would they want to take me? Kidnap me?_

 _I'm being kidnapped._

 _I'm being_ _ **kidnapped**_ _._

— Negan's POV —

I stare at the fuckin' words on the nursery wall.

" _Cooperate and she lives._ "

Someone has Chuck. My home is surrounded by the fuckin' dead and someone took my fucking girl away from me. And I'm fucking powerless to do a goddamn thing about it.

Fuck.

 _Fuck_!

I stomp right back out into the hallway and zero in on José. Why the fuck did I even have him up here if this shit could happen under his watch. I let out all my rage and punch him right in the face. "You motherfucker! How the fuck could you let this happen!?" I yell as he goes down.

I'm so fuckin' angry that I can't think straight. I lift Lucille up to bring her down on José's goddamn head, but the wives' screams pull me out of my fuckin' haze. I look up to see their scared fuckin' faces and I drop Lucille back down to my side.

"I'm sorry!" José cries out as he holds his hands up to me. "I swear I didn't see-"

I don't let him finish. "Get the fuck up." I wait for him to stand before I fuckin' interrogate him. "Start at the goddamn beginning."

He looks like he's scared shitless. "Chuck left this morning to teach the kids. Th-The other girls left, too."

Sherry, Tonya, and Frankie all nod. Kayla, I assume, is in the fuckin' infirmary. And the rest of them have been doing shit downstairs most days instead of staying the fuck up here.

José continues. "The four guys came up here to work on the nursery-"

"Four guys?" I question. Because the only guys that _should've_ been up here in the nursery are the three that are currently fuckin' dead in there. "Who was the extra guy?"

"Uh. He's a savior. Coby? Cody?" He's fuckin' struggling to remember the fuck's name and it's pissing me off. "I'm sorry! It-It's one of those white guy names."

I try to think of all my guys with c names. "Conner?"

"Yeah! It was Conner. He came up here with the other guys. Then Conner went back down in the elevator with Matt."

Goddamnit, Matt. Why the fuck would you let him up here? You knew I didn't want anyone else up here. Matt was always a gullible son of a bitch. Conner probably used that to his fuckin' advantage. Told him I said to let him up there or something. Fuck. What the fuck was Conner playing at?

José keeps going. "A little while later, Conner and Matt came back up with another guy. I think he might be Conner's brother. They brought up one of those big boxes with the lids and the straps."

"Like a... steamer trunk?" I ask.

"Yeah. And then Chuck came up after that. And Conner and his brother left down the elevator with the trunk."

Sherry jumps in. "We were all up here when we heard the crash at the gate. We thought Chuck was up here so we went to check on her. And found..." she gestures to the nursery.

I suck on my teeth and run my hand down my cheek. Conner and his brother Andy took Chuck. Smuggled her away in a fucking box. That's the only explanation that makes any goddamn sense. But why the fuck would they do that?! I know Andy isn't the fuckin' mastermind of this shit. He doesn't care enough to want to fuckin' overthrow me, or what-the-fuck ever this shit is. All he cares about is fucking girls and playing darts. He had to've only been there because his fucking brother Conner told him to.

Conner is the one who is cold as fuckin' ice. _He's_ the one that shot those poor fuckers in the head like a goddamn assassin, no doubt about it. And Conner has always wanted to move up in the hierarchy. He rallied fuckin' hard to be the head of RA outpost when that shit started. But I would never give that fuckin' psychopath free reign of one of the outposts. And he wasn't fuckin' shy about showing how pissed he was that I passed him over. I heard it from multiple fuckin' guys that he was mouthing off when he got drunk. But I never said a word to him. I thought he'd get the fuck over it.

Is that what this shit is? Revenge for a missed goddamn promotion!?

Revenge?!

Oh, fuck! _Andy_.

Andy is the one that Chuck fuckin' attacked when she first got here. _Fuck_! If that fucker held a grudge after that...

" _Fuck_!" I couldn't keep it in any longer. "Motherfuck!" I start to pace as I think.

I have to deal with all this shit at my doorstep to make sure the dead don't fuckin' kill everyone. And I have to get my girl back. I _have_ to.

I find myself in front of the door to Chuck's room and I fuckin' lose it. I punch my fist into the hard wood and keep punching until a crack forms.

"Negan!" Sherry's voice finally reaches my ears so I stop. "You're gonna hurt yourself."

I rest my forehead on the door as I heave in fuckin' breaths. "It doesn't fuckin' matter," I mutter under my breath.

Sherry's hand rests on my back softly and I fuckin' flinch at it. "It _does_ matter. We all need you, Negan," she practically whispers. "Chuck's gonna need you."

I turn my head away from the door to look at Sherry. She looks fuckin' scared. But she's right, though. _I_ keep my people alive. I _will_ keep my people alive. And I need to get this fuckin' herd out of my asshole so I can get out and find my girl.

I stand up straight and put my radio to my mouth. "Dwight," I call into it.

" _Yeah, Negan?_ "

"Did Conner and Andy leave the gates today?"

" _Yeah. They did. About four hours ago, right after lunch._ "

I scratch at my head and pace just trying to calm the fuck down. Chuck has been gone of four fucking hours. Four hours with those fuckin' guys doing god knows what.

"Did they do all this?" Frankie's shaking voice calls out. "Did those two guys send the dead here?"

I stare at her thinking about what she asked. It couldn't have been just them. They couldn't have coordinated all that shit by themselves. And I'm pretty sure it would've been obvious if they recruited the amount of men necessary to pull this shit off. I think I would've fuckin' noticed if there were a fuck ton of my men missing here to wrangle all those fuckin' dead.

No. It wasn't an inside job. Those brothers are working with those dead collectors we've been trying to find.

Motherfucker! Those two fucks were the only team that never came back with anything on those dead herders. Even if it was small, the other teams came back with fuckin' _something_. I'd bet goddamn money that Conner and Andy ran into that group outside my fuckin' walls and joined up with them. Like fuckin' traitors.

I turn back to the girls, but don't really answer Frankie's question. "You girls are gonna move downstairs for a while. Tonya and Frankie can stay with Simon. One of you guys inform Kayla that she can move in with her boyfriend. And Sherry," I pause and meet her fuckin' eyes, "you can stay with Dwight."

I know she still has feelings for him. And he does, too. I've seen they way they look at each other when they're in the same room.

Sherry looks back at me all shocked. But I honestly don't care right now if she stays with that Two-Face lookin' fucker. Shit, she can start fucking him again for all I care. It's time to get rid of the wives anyway.

The wives all go back to their rooms to pack, I guess, which leaves me standing there with José.

"Get the bodies out of the fuckin' nursery and throw them in one of the cells," I direct to him without looking his way. "We'll clean all this shit up later."

"Yes, sir." He doesn't move. He just stands there with his head down. "I never wanted anything to happen to Chuck. I didn't know what they were doing in there. I couldn't hear... I never would've thought anything could happen-"

I cut him off. "I know," is all I say before I walk away.

— —

Chuck knows she was put in a car or a truck; she could feel the travel. Now, she can feel that she's being carried somewhere again. It's been about an hour, she thinks, since the two men shoved her in the trunk and took her from her home. And she's been trying to keep herself calm, which is difficult. Not only is she in and uncomfortable position with her arms tied behind her back, but it is getting unbearably hot inside the confined space. And she can feel the zipties digging into her and breaking the skin.

She gets set on the ground. Then, she hears the ties being unlatched. She's at her destination. And she still doesn't know why. Or what is awaiting her.

The lid of the trunk is flung open, flooding Chuck's vision with blinding light. She squeezes her eyes shut and flinches away as she's pulled from the trunk and sat down in a chair. When she finally opens her watering eyes, she sees that she's in a large conference room with a long oval table in the center and a wall of windows covered in blinds off to her right. All of the chairs are filled with armed men and even more guys stand by the walls. The two men that took her stand beside her.

The cooler air of the room feels amazing on Chuck's overheated skin. But she doesn't have much time to revel in the feeling because a strange voice rings out.

"Little. Miss. Charlotte," the man at the head of the table calls out as he rises from his seat. He gestures to the two kidnappers and they move to stand by the other men at the wall.

Chuck starts to tremble as this new man walks closer to her. He's older than her, probably in his late thirties and tall, maybe just over six feet. A long leather coat with fur on the collar covers his body, but Chuck can tell he's muscular. His black hair is perfectly styled in an undercut parted at the side which matches his perfectly manicured full beard. When he gets closer, Chuck can see a deep scar cutting through his left eyebrow.

The man kneels down beside her and pulls out a knife, which causes Chuck to gasp. "It's fine, sugar," he says in a deep soothing voice, though it doesn't allay her fears. He runs his free hand down her smooth leg to grasp her ankle. He looks up at her. "I think you're a smart girl. So don't prove me wrong by doing anything stupid right now." He uses the knife to carefully cut the ziptie and rises to his feet. He pushes Chuck forward to free her hands.

Chuck slowly brings her arms forward to rest in her lap, being careful not to hurt her overextended shoulders.

The man unties her gag and pulls if from her mouth after he sheaths his knife. He turns his face from her to talk to a man close by. "Get the first aid kit."

The underling takes a first aid kit from the other side of the table and hands it to the man now kneeling in front of Chuck again.

"My name is Eldritch. And this is my compound." He takes Chuck's ankles and starts to clean the wounds caused by the ziptie. "Please get Miss Charlotte some water," he say to no one in particular, but one of the men rushes to obey the order. "I've been told that you like to be called 'Chuck'. But I find that doesn't suit you." He looks up from her ankles to her face. "Something so soft," he tries to caress her cheek with the back of his fingers, but Chuck flinches backward. Eldritch pauses at her reaction then removes his hand from her space. He continues on with his sentence. "...shouldn't be called something so harsh."

The underling holds out a bottle of water and Eldritch takes it as he stands. He takes the lid off then holds the bottle close to Chuck's mouth. When she moves her hands to take it, he makes a tutting sound and pulls the bottle away. Chuck is confused for a moment, until Eldritch brings the bottle back to her mouth. She quickly figures out that he wants to give her the drink himself. Chuck's thirst wins out over her discomfort in the act and she opens her mouth to allow Eldritch to press the bottle to her lips. He tilts the bottle allowing her to take a few drinks. He pulls the bottle away from her and hands it back to the underling.

"You can have more when we're done here." Eldritch kneels back down to tend to the wounds on Chuck's wrists.

Chuck is frightened, but she finally finds her voice. "Are you going to hurt me?" she says as evenly as she can.

Eldritch doesn't look up, but continues to bandage her wrists. "I need you, Red," he answers with a new nickname. "I need you to keep Negan focused. Compliant. So I'm not going to hurt you." He finally finishes and looks up to her face. "Besides, you women," he reaches out and grasps Chuck's cheek before she can turn away, "are special. You should be protected. Kept."

Chucks eyes go wide at his words and his tone.

 _What does he mean when he says "kept"? And why does he want Negan complaint? Eldritch is using me to get to Negan, but what does he really want? To take over The Sanctuary? To_ _ **kill**_ _Negan?_

Eldritch's gaze travels down to Chuck's belly then back up to her face. He takes her hand, pulling her to her feet and leads her over to a window. He opens the blinds and gestures for Chuck to look out. The whole building, or at least as much as Chuck can see is surrounded by the dead. Hundreds of them.

Chuck instinctively tries to take a step back as she lets out a gasp.

Eldritch throws his arm around her waist and pulls her into him, forcing her to stay put in front of the window. "It's alright, sugar. You're perfectly safe in here." He leans closer to her. "Out there is another story. So don't even think about trying to escape," he whispers into her ear. "No one could save you from _that_." He gestures to the window with his free hand.

"Why?" is all Chuck can get out, though she herself isn't sure of what she's asking. Why are you showing me this? Why are the dead here? Why are you living so close to them? Why is this all happening? All of those questions dance in her head.

Eldritch interprets the vague question in his own way and answers. "I allow the dead work for me."

Chuck looks up at him like he's crazy. "You can't tame them," she says before thinking. The last thing she wants to do is to make this guy angry.

Eldritch chuckles and looks down to her. "I can _use_ them. And I do. As a matter of fact, I've used them against your husband."

Chuck starts to breathe harder. "What?"

"Your _Sanctuary_ is currently surrounded by my undead soldiers. But don't fret." He grasps her cheek to make sure she can't turn away him. "I know Negan is resourceful, so I'm sure everyone's _fine_ ," he drags out unsettlingly. "I just needed him to know what he was up against. I needed him to know that he can't beat me."

Chuck shudders as a cold chill runs down her spine. She fears for herself and her baby being in the hands of this strange man and his people. But she also fears for Negan and all of the people of The Sanctuary if what Eldritch says is true. Everyone is great in danger.

— Negan's POV —

I'm sitting in my meeting room with my top guys all around me waiting for Rick to get into fuckin' position to lead these dead fucks away. There's really not much else we can fuckin' do from inside. So we're all sitting here with our thumbs up our fuckin' asses.

We've been keeping in contact with the outposts and Hilltop. They're all fuckin' surrounded, too. But it seems that they aren't dealing with as many fuckin' dead as we are. Even so, they've had some casualties, some people bit and dealt with already. Which fuckin' sucks. But some of the outposts have said that they got some people out to start leading the biters away. So they'll be free before we are.

We have some fuckin' missing people, though. No one can get in contact with any of the teams out in the wilderness or any of the lookouts. Including TJ and his team. We're assuming they're all fuckin' dead. That whatever group is doing all this picked them off first so they couldn't warn us. That's the only explanation. They would've been in contact if they were alive. And there's no way they were all traitors like the fucks that took Chuck. So there's already a body count. I've already fuckin' lost a few dozen guys.

And we're _still_ fuckin' surrounded. The walls of the building are holding and all the goddamn doors are keeping shut, so... we're not fuckin' dead yet. Which is a plus, I guess. But we are still firmly in a shit pile of fuckin' shit.

My mind goes back to Chuck. Fuck, I hope she's safe. I hope whoever's fuckin' got her is treating her like a hostage and not a prisoner. Or worse.

I can't fuckin' think about it. I just can't. I'll go fuckin' nuts if I do. And I need to get out of all this shit to find her. Save her. Get my girl back. And my kid.

I can't lose them like this.

Todd comes into the room with a few of his guys. They've been on the platforms outside scoping shit out.

"What's it look like?" Simon asks him.

Todd takes his seat. "We didn't see any people. The assholes must've gotten the dead close enough, then fled. No one's watching us as far as we can tell."

I nod. No matter how much I'm trying, I'm still fuckin' preoccupied. Which is fuckin' dangerous. I gotta get my head in the game.

"Rick's guys out there yet?" I ask to anyone.

"We didn't see them, but they radioed saying they're close," Todd answers. "They have trucks with big speakers, Rick said. They're gonna blast music to attract the goons away from us and lead 'em to the quarry. Shut 'em in."

I nod. It'll take fuckin' hours to lead those dead fucks away. And it's already dark out.

Chuck has been gone for eight hours...

One of my guys comes running into the room all out of breath. "I got stuck out there," he explains and sucks in a few breaths. "But," he holds out a piece of paper in his hand, "you have to see this."

I take it and root around in my inner jacket pocket for my glasses. "What the fuck is it?" I ask as I put the glasses on my face and unfold the paper.

"It was taped to the dash of the truck that rammed us. I saw it when I turned the horn off and knew you had to see it. But I got overrun and was trapped on the roof of the truck until some guys came out with planks and shit to get me to the platforms."

I stare at the note. It's handwritten in weird ass script.

 _Negan,_

 _I have your wife. Don't worry. She's safe, for the moment. But you need to know that I intend on keeping her until a deal is struck between me and you. Which calls for us to meet._

 _I'll give you a whole day to deal with my undead soldiers. At noon on the day after that, be at Marshall Hall Landing. I trust you can find it._

 _Don't be late._

 _Eldritch_

I take a few deep breaths, but I can't hold it in. "Motherfucking fuck!" I slam Lucille on the table. I jump up and kick my chair across the room. " _Fuck_!"

Simon pulls the note over to him and reads it. "This isn't bad, Negan."

I flip around to glare at him. "It isn't fucking _bad_?!"

"He's giving us a date and time of where he's gonna be. This... Eldritch."

I calm down a bit at that. Simon's fuckin' right. "Anyone heard of this fucker?" I call out to my men. "Eldritch?"

The guys all shake their heads as the note gets passed around.

"Marshall Hall Landing," Regina says aloud when she reads it. "That's in Maryland. Across the river."

"Map." I snap my fingers for anyone to carry out my request.

Simon gets one of the maps out of some drawers and places it in front of Regina. I move to stand next to her as everyone leans in.

"Right," she moves her finger across the map, "here." She taps her finger on the spot.

It's northeast of us across the river. And it's right on the fuckin' bank, which is _not_ ideal.

"I want you snipers on the west side of the river," I say to Todd as I point to the spot on the map. "The river looks about a mile across right there."

"We can set up on our side of the river," Todd agrees. "That's a long shot to make, though."

"You'll just be fuckin' backup. Where are the bridges?"

Regina points up to one near Alexandria, the closest bridge to us. There are more up near D.C. and one way fuckin' south.

"Shit," I mutter. That is _also_ not ideal.

"D.C.'s a shit show," Regina voices what I'm thinking. We always avoid D.C. because it's overrun and those bridges come out directly into the fuckin' city, pretty much.

"The southern one is really fucking far out of the way," Simon adds. "And we've never really been out that way. It'd be uncharted territory."

"Shit," I say again. "That's fuckin' great. We got one route in and out." I tap on the last remaining bridge.

"You think they're laying a trap?" Simon asks.

I rub my cheek and stand up fully. "I don't know. But we're gonna fuckin' find out. I want guys out there keeping eyes on that fuckin' bridge." I let out a huff. "When we can get the fuck out, that is."

Not too long after that, we start to hear music. Rick is doing his thing. At first, it seems like the dead are fuckin' ignoring the loud ass noise, but eventually, groups start to break apart from the herd. From what I can see, Rick has four trucks all blaring music. And two cars blasting their horns.

It takes all fuckin' night and most of the next day to lead all the dead away. We finish off the few stragglers left on the grounds and get to work patching up the fence.

I send some guys out to watch the bridge we'll have to cross tomorrow, too. I don't want any fuckin' surprises. And since the bridge is close to Alexandria, my guys can be in pretty direct contact with them and they can relay the messages to me.

Goddamn, I just want tomorrow to get here so I can get my girl back and show that Eldritch fucker just who he messed with.

— —

After Eldritch's introduction, Chuck was escorted to a room which was previously an office. The desk and file cabinets are all pushed against one wall to make room for a cot, which is pushed against the opposite wall. On the same wall is a door that leads to a small washroom, featuring a working sink and toilet.

Chuck had been given some food and was largely left alone most of the time. Random people would peek their heads in to check on her, but would never say anything.

Chuck sits on the cot the day after arriving at this new compound. She hadn't slept at all the night before, her racing thoughts having kept her awake. She thought of how much danger she's in. How much Negan is. What this all means for the future of herself and everyone else.

When her door starts to open, she expects another random face. But she immediately stands from the bed when she sees Eldritch entering the room.

"Please," he holds his hand out to the bed, "sit back down."

Chuck pauses, but obeys, sitting back down on the edge of the cot.

Eldritch comes forward to sit beside her. She tries to scoot away from him, but he grabs her by the arm to keep her close.

"I'm meeting with Negan tomorrow," Eldritch states.

Chuck's head shoots up at the mention of her husband. "Negan-" she blurts out. "Are you gonna kill him?"

"No. Not unless he does something stupid." He tries to brush Chuck's hair from her face, but she turns away. He lets out a huff. "You look tired. Your accommodations not agree with you?"

Chuck ignores the question. "What do you want? Why are you meeting with Negan?"

He lets out a long breath. "Negan is going to agree to give me all of his weapons tomorrow."

" _That's_ what this is all about?" Chuck spits back incredulously. For some reason she's finding it harder than usual to hold her tongue. " _Weapons_?"

Eldritch's expression turns dark and his mouth curls up in a sneer, but only for a moment. "That's not _all_ it's about." His gaze trains on Chuck's belly as he moves his hand to touch it.

Chuck slaps his hand away. The very last thing she wants is for this man to touch her so intimately.

Eldritch instantly grabs Chuck by both biceps harshly and pulls her forward. His face looks like a dangerous predator as he lets out a growl mere inches away from her face.

Chuck whimpers at both the pain of his grasp and in fear.

Eldritch lets go of her suddenly and starts to chuckle as if what had happened wasn't serious. He runs his hand over his hair to slick it back into place. He huffs a few more breaths before he starts to speak again. "It's about the only thing that matters now. Power. I've been watching Negan and his saviors for a while. I've seen what he's built. What he's trying to build." He reaches out to smooth some of Chuck's hair out of her face. This time she lets him, out of fear of what he might do if she didn't.

He continues. "Negan's building an empire. And that simply will not do." He looks her up and down. "Do you know where I'm from?" he suddenly asks.

Chuck shakes her head slowly.

"Baltimore," he answers. "The way things are up there..." he lets out a whistle, "it's nothing like it is here. What Negan's built, or what I want to build, can never happen up there. It's war, all of the time. On two fronts. The dead to your back and another group of people to your front who want what you have. There's no _living_. There's no parties, no," he gestures as he comes up with what he wants to say, "...gardens, no dinners, no friendships. No families." His eyes flick down to her belly again.

Chuck slowly wraps her arms around her stomach as if that would protect her baby from his gaze.

He looks back up to her face. "No one has any _power_ up there. It's just chaos." He runs his hand over his beard. "I moved down here to escape all that. Settled in Maryland at an old fort. But I saw what Negan was doing. Spreading his reach. And when he took over that other settlement, I knew I had to stop him. So I moved my base here and started to amass my undead army to move against him."

"There's enough land that we both can-"

He cuts her off. "No. That's not how it works now. Power has to be absolute. It's the only way." He gets up and opens the door. He calls for someone then comes back in with a Polaroid camera that his underling must have given him. "Stand up and move over here." He points to the wall with the door.

Chuck obeys the order, but doesn't remove her hands from her belly.

"Look at me." Eldritch lifts the camera and takes a picture of Chuck. He shakes the picture out and walks to her. "I'll tell you how the meeting went tomorrow." He walks past her and out the door, closing it softly after.

She hears the click of the lock engaging as she lays back on the bed.


	47. Chapter 47

— Negan's POV —

I'm just itching to fuckin' head out and meet this Eldritch fuck. But I need to do it right. I sent my guys out late last night to watch the meeting site and the bridge I'm gonna have to take to get across the fuckin' river to the goddamn meeting point. The bridge is real fuckin' close to Alexandria, so my saviors are within radio range to them, and they can relay messages back to me on the ham radio. My guys on the bridge said a truck came through, but it didn't fuckin' stick around. Might've been Eldritch's guys, might've been unrelated randoms. No way to fuckin' tell yet. But the most important thing is that no one's fucking with the bridge, so it's safe for us to cross.

My other team crossed the bridge with no fuckin' incident and should be scoping out the meeting site. I don't want this Eldritch fuck to try to surprise me when I get there. But my guys have been told not to fuckin' engage unless necessary. If Eldritch tries some shit, my guys will swoop in to fuckin' stop it. If not, Eldritch will never see them. Make him think I'm not on the fuckin' ball so he makes dumb mistakes. My team is out of radio range out there, though, so I'm gonna have to fuckin' wait until I get closer to the meeting site to contact them.

I sent my snipers out earlier to camp on the bank just across the river from the fuckin' meeting site, too. They had to take the long fuckin' way around to avoid an area that's been overrun for a while. It's just over halfway between The Sanctuary and Alexandria, close to where my snipers will be. Whenever we go to Rick's, we always take I-95 further west just to go around it. We've never fucked with that area before because the dead seem pretty fuckin' content to stay there. They don't pose much of a threat if we don't rile them the fuck up. But it's on the goddamn list of herds to lead the fuck away before winter.

Anyway, my snipers should be in fuckin' position. Though they're out of radio range, too, and I can't contact them yet. Not until I get to the meeting.

It's finally fuckin' time to leave, so I head off in my pristine black Dodge Charger with Dwight driving. I want to make a fuckin' great first impression for that Eldritch fucker. Make him see how put-together I fuckin' am. I got three full trucks following behind me, too. So I got some firepower at my hands. I want him to see that, too. See that I'm not some fuckin' pushover.

Once we pull outside of the gate, shit starts to get real. It's gonna take us probably two fuckin' hours to get to this goddamn meet, so I have nothing to do but think about my whole damn situation.

My home was attacked.

I lost some guys I swore to protect.

I've been away from my baby girl for two days. Two fucking days.

I slam my fist down on the dash when I can't deal with the thoughts anymore. "Fuck!"

Dwight jumps at the sudden noise and looks my way. "You okay, Negan?"

"What the fuck do you think?" I bite back.

"We'll get through this. We always do." He's trying to calm me down. Which I fuckin' need to do. I need to keep my goddamn head, but it's hard.

I let out a groan and run my hands down my fuckin' face. "My pregnant wife is being used as a pawn just so this Eldritch fucker can get to me," I mutter. "And it's fuckin' working."

Dwight pauses like he's thinking. "She'll be fine. He wouldn't hurt her."

I look over to him. "You _know_ that?"

"He says he wants to make a deal. She's the leverage." He clears his throat. "So hurting her... wouldn't make sense."

I look back to the road and groan. "Unless he's a fuckin' unhinged psychopath and just stringing me the fuck along." I rub at my face again. Goddamn, I feel like I could just bawl my fuckin' eyes out right now. But I choke that shit back.

"You can't think like that"

I have to get my mind off this shit. For at least a minute, so I change he subject. "You letting Sherry stay with you?"

"Yeah. You told her to stay with me."

"I didn't fuckin' _order_ her. You coulda turned her away if you wanted."

He gives me a quick look then turns back to the road. "I slept on my chair. I didn't sleep-"

I interrupt him. "When I get Chuck back, I'm getting rid of the wives. So you're free to fuck Sherry all you want. As long as she's willing."

He nods. "We talked a lot last night. About her moving downstairs. And us... being together again." He lets out a heavy breath. "She thought her place here was to take care of the wives. But now..." He kinda shrugs his shoulder.

"Yeah." I get what he's saying. I don't need the wives anymore, so they're building their own lives. And the little job Sherry built for herself as head wife is fuckin' useless now. "You know," I chuckle to myself sadly as I think shit over, "it seemed really fuckin' cool at first to say 'Fuck it! I'm gonna have a bunch of fine ass women at my disposal just to fuck whenever I want! No bullshit. Nothing more than that.'" I look down and shake my head at the thought.

Shit, I'm such an asshole. How could I have asked those girls to do that? Be in a goddamn _harem_. Nothing more than a fuck doll, really. I guess I took care of them and they all agreed, but... fuck. What kind of life were they living?

How the fuck could Chuck see that was the kind of fuckin' man I am and still love me?

Dwight's voice draws me out of my thoughts. "But then Chuck came along."

I nod. "Then Chuck came along," I repeat.

"Sherry told me you stopped seeing the wives when you got serious with Chuck."

I turn my head to glare at him. "Just because I'm gonna let Sherry fuck you doesn't mean I want her mouthing off about the shit that happened during her tenure as a wife. You tell her that or I will."

"She only said it because I..." he clears his throat, "I asked how much you really care about Chuck. I didn't know- I mean... she's pregnant with your baby, but...?"

I thrust my finger in his fuckin' face. "Don't you fuckin' question how much I love that girl," I growl out.

He holds up his fuckin' hand in a placating gesture. "Sorry." He puts his hand back down. "Sherry said as much. That it's real between you and Chuck."

I rub at my chin, exasperated. "Fat lotta good it's fuckin' doing her now. She's in this goddamn position because of it."

"We'll get her back, Negan," he says it like he's sure of it.

When we get close enough, I contact my guys. "Report," I demand into the radio.

" _Quiet, sir. No one's around,_ " comes the answer.

"The fuck you mean 'no one'?" It's almost noon. Eldritch should be there, I would fuckin' think. "You sure you're looking at the right fuckin' place."

" _Yes, sir. The only thing there is a picnic table with an old cooler on top._ "

We pull up to the site and my guys were right. No one is here. My guys failed failed to mention, however, that the cooler they talked about has 'Open me' written on the side in black sharpie.

"Motherfuckin' bullshit games," I mutter as I walk to the cooler to see what's inside.

"What if there's a bomb in there," one of my guys asks before I open the thing.

"I highly doubt it's a fuckin' bomb. If they had access to bombs and wanted us fuckin' dead, they woulda just used them on us back home," I spit back as I open the lid.

There's a piece of fuckin' paper in the bottom of the cooler and that's it. I pull it out and recognize Eldritch's fuckin' handwriting.

 _Negan,_

 _You didn't think this would be that easy, did you? I trust that you arrived on time. Or at least I hope you did, because you have until 12:30 to get to the Fort Washington Lighthouse. It should take you about 25 minutes to get there, so you better hurry._

 _Oh, and only bring one car and any men you want to fit in it. I bet you brought a whole army with you, but if my men see more than the one car I'm allowing you, things will not go smoothly._

 _There's a map on the back if you don't know where to go. Do_ _not_ _be late._

 _Eldritch_

"Mother _fuck_!" I swing Lucille at that goddamn cooler and it goes flying. Of fucking course! Now I got no fucking time to scope out where the fuck I'm going. I can't plan shit! I'll be going in there fucking blind.

I take a few deep breaths and shove the paper into Dwight's chest. He quickly reads the note and flips it over to study the map.

I point to three of my guys. "You, you, and you get in the back of the Charger. We're headed off to Fort Washington Lighthouse by ourselves. Everyone else, hang the fuck back and radio this shit in." My guys nod at the orders.

Me and Dwight get in the front of the car while my three guys squeeze in the back. I chose Arat as one of my guys to come because she's fuckin' small and would fit in with two of my bigger guys. And she won't fuckin' complain about it, either.

Dwight peels out and we head off to the next place. I swear to fuck if this Eldritch asshole isn't there...

"Time," I call out.

"12:23," Arat answers.

"We're almost there," Dwight adds, sensing my fuckin' nerves.

The map led us through a fuckin' park, it looks like. When we pass a parking lot off the side of the road, a truck pulls out and starts to fuckin' tail us. Up ahead a ways, another car pulls out in front of us and keeps going.

"Am I following him?" Dwight asks aloud.

"I guess," I answer.

We keep driving until we come up to an old fort. Like an actual fort. Fort Washington, I fuckin' guess. This all must've been a historical park, or some shit.

We park up behind the lead car and the truck trailing us pulls up behind. The guys exit their vehicles and immediately train their guns on us.

"Come out and leave your hands away from your guns," one of them yells at us.

I take a few breaths before I give the order to my men. "It's fuckin' showtime."

— —

Chuck paces her room, worrying at her lip as she waits for Eldritch to get back and tell her about his meeting with Negan. It probably won't be until later, but she hopes it went well. That the two men came to an agreement and she could go home. That everything would go back to normal.

But she knows that's all unlikely. Eldritch said he was going to ask for Negan's weapons. Which probably isn't all. The weapons are just the first part. Eldritch ultimately wants Negan to submit to him. And Chuck knows won't be easy for Negan. Nor _should_ it be easy for Negan to submit.

Eldritch is bad. He kidnapped Chuck, and if he's telling the truth, attacked The Sanctuary with the dead. He shouldn't be allowed to strip The Sanctuary of their weapons and take Negan's power. He _should_ be stopped.

But how?

Chuck can only hope that Negan has a plan, because _she_ certainly doesn't. If she _could_ get out of her locked room, she'd have to find her way out of the huge building, which she's only seen a very small portion of. Then she would have to manage to sneak around unseen by Eldritch's people to find a door out. _If_ she could so all of that, there's still a huge herd of dead hanging around outside which she has absolutely no hope of navigating though.

She truly is in the absolute worst situation.

She hears the lock on the door click, so she turns to face it. She's surprised to see the two men that took her from The Sanctuary start to walk in. They were never part of the faces that peek in to check on her.

The bigger one with the buzz cut stomps right toward Chuck and pushes at her shoulders making her sit back down on the bed then turns back to the other man. "Andy, what the fuck are you doing? Close the door!"

"Sorry, Conner." The younger blond scrambles to obey the order, closing the door softly with a click.

 _That voice. Andy? Oh my god. He's the one I hurt. I didn't recognize him. I wasn't really focusing on what he looked like when that happened. And I was pretty out of my mind. But that voice... It sounds so much like Jacob's. And I can never forget the voice of the man that tortured me for a year._

 _Is this why they took me? Because Andy hates me for attacking him?_

"Yeah. You remember him now, don't you, bitch?" Conner spits out.

Chuck hadn't realized that she was staring at Andy as she thought back on what she did to him. She quickly averts her gaze and hangs her head.

Conner grabs her chin and wrenches her head back up to look at him. He uses his other hand to point back at Andy, who is still by the door. "He's my little brother. The only family I have left," he hisses right in Chuck's face. "You _stabbed. my. brother_. And I've just been waiting for the chance to give you the punishment you deserve. Because Negan sure as hell didn't." Conner lets go of Chuck's face with a shove.

Chuck tries to hold back her tears, but it's difficult. Right now she's terrified of this man before her. He's so angry. Specifically at her.

"I'm sorry." She tries to apologize, hoping that it will cull his rage.

It has the exact opposite effect, though. Conner instantly slaps Chuck in the face with enough force to whip her head to the side.

Andy steps forward with a look of shock on his face. "Conner-" he starts, but is cut off.

Conner points back to Andy. "Stay by the fucking door."

The younger man complies begrudgingly and backs up to the door.

Conner bends back down to get in Chuck's face. "You fucking ruined Negan, you know that? He was a good leader at first. We went out, took everything we could. When people came across us, we made them our bitch. That's a _real_ leader. But he's not like that anymore. _Eldritch_ is a real leader. He takes what he wants." He straightens himself up. "That's why when we found his men and they told us how they worked, we joined up with them. Because _this_ is how it should be now. Not the kumbaya bullshit Negan's been doing."

Chuck swipes the tears from her face, trying to seem less scared than she is. But all she can think is that this man in front of her is insane and that she is powerless to stop him if he decides to do anything.

"This is how The Sanctuary would've been if you had never got there," he continues. "If you hadn't pussywhipped Negan so bad. If you hadn't gotten yourself knocked up with his kid," he spits out with so much ire. "Negan shouldn't be working with fucking Alexandria. Or Hilltop. He should've just _taken_ them. By force. But _you_ changed him."

Chuck stares up at Conner as he glares back down at her. She's too afraid to open her mouth again.

His face is set in a sneer as continues to stare at her. "You must have one magical fucking pussy cuz, for the life of me, I can't see why Negan let you wrap him around your finger. You're nothing fucking special." He spits right on her face which causes her to reel back and quickly wipe her cheek.

Conner turns and stomps to the door, pausing in front of Andy who is blocking the exit. After a moment, Andy steps out of the way to allow his brother to rip the door open and leave.

Chuck can feel Andy staring at her so she quickly flits her gaze to him. She's surprised to see that he actually looks sympathetic to her.

He quickly turns his head away when their eyes meet and exits through the door, locking it after.

Chuck instantly jumps up to go to the washroom to clean her face. She splashes the cool water onto her face again and again, many more time than necessary just to feel clean. When she straightens back up to look in the mirror, she sees that her eyes are red and puffy from crying. And her cheek is sporting a welt in the shape of half of a large handprint. She gives herself a few deep breaths before she comes back out.

She's upset, but she knows that she needs to keep her wits about her. She can't despair. She has to be ready to fight. She turns her head to the newspaper covered windows and starts to rip the paper away, letting some sunlight into the dreary room.

She doesn't even care right now if Eldritch gets mad at her, she just wants to feel the warmth of the sunshine on her skin.

— Negan's POV —

Me and my guys exit our car and are led by Eldritch's minions into what looks like an ugly ass house. But it's actually the visitors' center for this fuckin' park, I guess. There are items in glass cases, pamphlets on desks, and pictures all over the walls with plaques describing the fuckin' history behind them.

Shit, I think I weaseled my way out of chaperoning a field trip to this place once.

The guys usher us into an empty room. Well, it's empty of any goddamn furniture, but full of fuckin' men. And one of them I fuckin' recognize.

Gregory. That fuck that got kicked out of Hilltop for being an incompetent piss poor leader. Fuck. I shoulda had my guys kill him despite the fact that Hilltop's people voted to exile him. I know my guys drove him fuckin' far out west with no fuckin' weapons. And he was blindfolded. So how the fuck did he get back here? And what the fuck has he told Eldritch about me?

The fucker standing next to Gregory motions to the guys around him. "Take their guns."

That must be Eldritch, looking like a fuckin' douchebag in that long ass leather coat and hipster long-on-top buzzed-on-bottom haircut. He's fuckin' younger than me by maybe a decade and about my height, but stockier.

His men come around and disarm the four guys I brought without fuckin' incident. But when someone grabs at Lucille, I pull back.

"No fuckin' way you're taking her from me," I growl out.

Eldritch starts to fuckin' laugh causing his man in front of me to look back at him. "Let him keep it," he says to him then looks me dead in the eye. "I wouldn't want to take _both_ his ladies from him."

It takes every-fuckin'-thing in me not to lunge at the fucker. But I know I can't. I can't let him see how much this shit has me off fuckin' kilter. And I have to play his game, no matter how much I don't want to. Chuck's life is on the fuckin' line if I don't.

"Where's Chuck," I call out in a perfectly even goddamn tone.

That smug bastard looks at me with a smile. "You really thought I'd be dumb enough to bring her here?" He puts his hand into his jacket and pulls out a picture. "She's safe." He holds the Polaroid out to me and I reach out to take it.

It makes my heart fuckin' clench when I look at it. Chuck looks scared to fuckin' death. Eyes wide. Barefoot. Vulnerable. And her hands are cradling her fuckin' belly just trying to protect our baby.

My breathing picks up before I can steady it, but I keep my face flat.

"See," Eldritch calls out fuckin' cheerily, getting my attention, "perfectly fine."

I tuck the picture into my pocket. "Let's talk."

"Okay," he says almost mockingly. "Let's talk. I want all your guns," he blurts out easily.

"Oh, that's fuckin' all?" I respond sarcastically without thinking it through first. I probably should be kissing his ass.

But, _really_? What kind of a fuckin' request is that? _All_ my guns? He's out of his goddamned mind.

"Of course not. You're also going to relinquish control of Hilltop back to its rightful leader," he gestures to Gregory. " _And_ , you're going to pull out of all your outposts."

Oh, I'm getting fuckin' pissed at this. "That's it?" I say more curtly.

"No. I want you to pay tribute to me every week. How about," he looks up like he's fuckin' thinking, making a show of it, "half of everything you produce and scavenge." He looks so fuckin' happy with himself.

That motherfucker. Taking a page from my book. But those fuckers that paid me tribute _owed_ me tribute because they attacked my guys and stole from me. I didn't do shit to Eldritch or his people to warrant paying him fuckin' tribute.

"I want Chuck first," I reply.

"No," he answers simply with no fuckin' emotion on his face, then waits for me to react.

" _No_?" I spit back.

"I'll give her back _after_ our deal has been carried out. You will give us your guns. You will leave your outposts. You will relinquish control of Hilltop. And you will pay me tribute."

I let out an unamused chuckle. "You want all that shit _today_?" I ask sarcastically.

"Of course not," he answers, fuckin' amused. "I'll give you a few days to gather your weapons and vacate your outposts. Let's say," he drags it out, "two days. You'll meet me back here with your weapons. And the first tribute payment can be a week from then."

I suck on my teeth. I'm not fuckin' liking this shit.

He laughs lowly. "It'll give me a few more days to get to know Miss Charlotte a little better."

"Don't you fucking touch her," I growl out immediately.

He holds his hands up. "Don't worry. I know how special she is, how special _all_ women are."

I scowl back at him. What the fuck is he talking about?

"Women weren't made for all this." He makes a wide gesture with one hand. "Fighting. Scavenging. All this unsavory stuff. It's not in their genetics. Their place is at home. Being protected. Kept away from all of this. So Miss Charlotte is perfectly safe with me." He gives me a gross ass smile that I just want to slap off his fuckin' face. "Besides, I'm not the one that puts women in danger by forcing them to go against their nature to do men's work." He nods his head at Arat who is standing off to my left.

"Excuse me?!" Arat calls out to him. Fuckin' rightfully so because she's tough as shit and has bigger lady nuts than most men have balls. But I can't have anyone mouthing off to Eldritch right now.

I hold my hand up to her to silence her. She glares at me but it's not really for me. Her eyes are saying "What the fuck is up with this guy?".

"Chuck isn't the only thing you have to lose, Negan. I just want to remind you of that," Eldritch breaks the fuckin' silence when I don't say anything. "Imagine what more I can do. Those dead you led off, the dead I sent to you, they aren't the only ones I have. I have so many more. So think about what you would have done if Rick hadn't come to the rescue? If we did to Alexandria what we did to you at the same time? If we laid siege on you? How long would you last in your fortress?"

Fuck.

I'm fucked at the moment. He holds all the fuckin' cards and I have nothing but liabilities. If I want to save Chuck, save my people, save my home, I need to play ball with this fucker.

But I _will_ beat him. It'll just take some more time.

My mind goes clear as I think of the concessions he wants me to make. And the concessions I can get _him_ to make. "If you want us to produce for you, I'll need to keep one outpost. Unless you want to work the fuckin' land there yourself and tend the animals."

I need to keep RA outpost. It's way too fuckin' close to The Sanctuary. If he sets up shop there, he'll see us coming. All of my plans will be over before they fuckin' start. I need to keep him a reasonable distance away from The Sanctuary.

He considers it. "Okay," he finally answers. "You can keep your farming outpost."

Thank fuck he went for that.

"Two days," Eldritch reminds. "Your guns. All of them. I know how many you have. Conner was very enthusiastic in the information he told me. And I want all of your men from your outposts gone by the time we meet. Whoever is left over by then will be killed." He gives me that smug fuckin' smile that I hate so goddamn much. "And I don't need to tell you to pull your lookouts, because I already took care of them."

That fucker. Rubbing in the fact that he killed my men in my goddamn face.

"I'll be here in two days."

"My one car rule still stands," Eldritch tacks on. "I don't want to see any more of your men out this way. If I do, I won't hesitate to show them deadly force."

"Got it," I respond flatly.

"Good." Eldritch gestures out to his men. "Lead them out."

They do. We get back to the car and start to drive. Once we get far enough away, I let out all the shit I was holding in. I punch at the glove compartment. I scream. I kick at the footwell until I'm out of breath.

No one else in the car says a word as Dwight keeps on driving.

After my breathing finally goes back to fuckin' normal, I run my hand through my hair to slick it back into place and tug at my jacket to straighten it.

"I'm gonna kill that motherfucker with my bare hands," I say aloud, but to no one in particular. "Head to Alexandria," I direct to Dwight.

I want to meet with Rick. I need to get a fuckin' plan started on how to take Eldritch down and I think I'm gonna need Rick's help with this shit.


	48. Chapter 48

— Negan's POV —

When we drive within radio range of the bridge, I call out to my guys. I tell them to stay the fuck there and to keep out of fuckin' sight. I want to know if someone crosses back over to our side of the goddamn river. But I also don't want Eldritch fuckin' knowing that I'm scoping shit out. I want him to think that I'm some dumbass he can get one over on. Underestimate me so he'll make a fuckin' mistake that I can take advantage of.

We pull up to Alexandria a few minutes later. After we park the car, Rick starts to lead us to his house so we can fuckin' discuss all this Eldritch shit. But Aaron comes running up to us before we get there.

Aaron looks us over and his face fuckin' drops. "He still has her." It's not a question. He sees that Chuck's not with me. He knew she was taken. Rick fuckin' filled him in on the situation after I radioed it to him. And he looks fuckin' crushed that she's still out there.

I rub my hand down my chin. "Eldritch said he'd keep her until he gets what he wants," I explain, trying not to fuckin' break down myself.

Aaron looks at me with fuckin' red rimmed eyes. "Is she okay, at least?"

I push my hand into my jacket pocket and take out the picture Eldritch gave me. Aaron takes it and stares at it for a moment before covering his mouth with his other hand.

He lets out a tiny sob. "She looks so scared," he chokes out before looking up to the sky and wiping his face with his other hand. He clears his throat, calming himself down, and looks back to me with determination. "We're gonna get her away from him."

"Yes we are," I respond with just as much fuckin' certainty. I will get her home safe and fuckin' sound if it's the last goddamn thing I ever do.

Me, Dwight, and Arat go into Rick's dining room to discuss shit with him, Daryl, Michonne, and Aaron. I start off by telling them the shit that went down at the meeting. Which I fuckin' hate, by the way. I pretty much have to say that Eldritch slapped me in the face with his dick and I just sat back and took it.

But they all get it, which kinda makes everything worse. They all fuckin' know that I _can't_ let anything happen to Chuck and my baby. Which means my weakness is out there with a big fuckin' neon arrow pointing right to it for everyone to see.

Fuck. I was too open with Chuck. I should've done fuckin' everything different.

"So if Eldritch is livin' on the other side 'a the river, why's he comin' over here?" Daryl asks.

"He _has_ to have a base on this side," Michonne answers. "Leading as many dead as he did to The Sanctuary, there's no way he crossed the river."

"I'm thinking the same fuckin' thing," I reply. "My guys on the bridge said a truck crossed it before the meet. Coulda been Eldritch heading there. He could've already had guys living in that fort like an outpost while he stays at fuckin' home over here." I shrug a little. "Don't forget that he's been sending smaller herds at us for a while now which, logistically, would be fuckin' hard as shit to do from further away. It would take too much fuckin' time and planning." I run my hand down my beard. "He was probably just putting his fuckin' feelers out with that shit. Seeing how we'd all do in a fight. See what kinda fuckin' firepower we got."

"Yeah," Rick agrees. "Makes sense."

"If those fuckwit brothers hadn't fuckin' defected and told that Eldritch fuck about my inner workings, I bet he wouldn't have made a fuckin' play," I growl out, getting more pissed when I think about it.

If those fuckers hadn't spilled their shit to Eldritch, he would have never known about Chuck...

Aaron jumps in. "He would've attacked us all at some point. He would've found the weak points eventually."

Michonne looks to Rick. "He'll come for us next."

"He knows we've been working together," I say to Rick. "The fact that Eldritch hasn't attacked you is fuckin' telling. Either he doesn't have the men or he doesn't have the weapons to fight both of us. And I'm fuckin' inclined to think it's the weapons. Since he wants mine."

Daryl lets out a fuckin' huff. "Then he'll use 'em against _us_ once he gets 'em."

"Probably," I say bluntly. "That would be the smart fuckin' thing to do. Use my guns to take you guys out and get _your_ guns. He'd rule this whole fuckin' area."

Rick scratches at his beard as he thinks. "How many weapons are we talking about?" he asks me.

"A lot," I answer vaguely.

Everyone is silent as they process that shit. A fuckin' psychopath is about to fall into a fuck ton of guns. And that will definitely impact every-fuckin'-body.

Daryl finally breaks the silence. "You can't give him those weapons," he directs at me.

"I can't fuckin' _not_ ," I bite back. "If I do the wrong fuckin' thing here, Chuck could die. My baby could die. And I can't take that fuckin' risk. I won't. She's fuckin' innocent." I pause for a second at the thought. And about how all this must seem to Rick and his guys. "I know this shit sucks ass and it would be easier in the long run to take that fucker out right now, but I have no fuckin' idea where Chuck is. If I attack him now, I could lose her for-fuckin'-ever!" I take a deep breath to calm myself down a little. "I have to play this shit smarter. Let Eldritch win now so he can fuckin' lose later when I get my girl back. I will _not_ put her in danger."

"We don't want to put Chuck in danger, either," Rick says gently. "We'll back your play."

I continue. "Look. He's not gonna get _all_ my guns, like he fuckin' asked. Eldritch only knows about the guns that _Conner_ fuckin' knew about. And I'm fuckin' smart enough not to let anyone know _exactly_ how many guns I have. My saviors know what's in my fuckin' armory. But I got stockpiles all over the fuckin' place. So no matter what, _I'm_ not gonna be fuckin' defenseless. And I will have the guns to fight back against him after Chuck is safe. I will not let that fucker live one minute longer than fuckin' necessary."

My radio suddenly squawks to life. " _Negan?_ " It's my guys on the bridge.

"Yeah? Go ahead," I answer.

" _That truck from earlier came back over the bridge. We followed it back to this unmarked tunnel in the middle of nowhere. It was guarded by a shit ton of guys so... I'm guessing your man was in the truck._ "

"Where'd the tunnel lead?"

" _No idea, sir. We couldn't get that close or they'd get wind of us._ "

When my guy starts to describe this tunnel and give its location, Rick goes over to a cabinet and comes back with a big ass book of road maps for the area. He opens it to the right page and points down at the fuckin' area.

Rick taps the page with his finger. "The tunnel must be right here."

I put my radio away and lean over the map to look. I can't see shit, so I get my glasses out and put them on. The place Rick pointed at looks like it's in the fuckin' forest. Where that tunnel leads to isn't immediately fuckin' obvious.

I look back at Dwight and point at the map. "You know what's out here?" I'm not asking Rick cuz I know he's not from around here.

Dwight comes forward to lean over the table. "Nah. I don't know this area very well."

I look back to Arat, wordlessly asking the same fuckin' question.

"Sorry, sir," Arat shakes her head and shrugs. "I'm from further north."

"Olivia might know," Aaron jumps in.

"She's in the armory," Michonne adds, prompting Aaron to leave to get the woman, I guess.

Rick looks over to me. "Olivia is originally from this area. And she's kind of a local historian. Or used to be."

A few minutes later, Aaron comes back in with a woman following. She's kinda chubby with black hair in a pony tail and fuckin' glasses on her face. She looks exactly like the kinda fuckin' woman that would be a local historian.

"Come on over here, honey," I call out to her with my arm outstretched in her direction. "We're in need of your expertise."

"O-Okay," she says nervously and comes closer to the table.

I put my arm on her back to push her in closer to the map. "My guys found a tunnel out in the woods and we need to know where the fuck it leads."

"What kind of tunnel?" she asks.

"It's unmarked and leads underground," I relay the info my guys told me. "It's big enough for fuckin' trucks to get in an out."

"Hmm." She thinks a second. "Some government building have alternate entrances. And since we're so close to D.C., there are a lot of government buildings around."

I point on the map where the tunnel is. "It's right there," I say to her.

"Umm." Olivia pushes her glasses up her nose before leaning down to look at the map. She flips through more pages, finding maps of surrounding areas, then flipping back to the big map, but it looks like she's not finding anything. "Hmm," she hums then straightens up with her hands on her hips. It looks like she's gonna fuckin' tell me she's got nothing, but then her face lightens up suddenly. "Oh, wait!" She leans back down and finds a zoomed in page in the book. "Here!" She points to a spot.

I lean down to look where she's pointing. "What the fuck is it?"

"It's a military building. Logistic... defense agency...?" She shakes her head. "Something like that. I think it dealt with military equipment or something. I toured it once. It's a huge building with like a pond behind. It's nice." She shrugs a shoulder. "It's like two miles away from that tunnel entrance."

"You think that's where it leads?" Rick asks Olivia as he points down to the map.

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure," she answers.

"Where's this place in relation to us?" I gesture out to the map.

Olivia flips back to the larger map and points to the area.

"Motherfucker," I whisper when I see how fuckin' close it is.

Then I realize _just_ where it is. It's in that overrun part that we've been fuckin' avoiding.

"God _damnit_!" I turn and kick one of the dining room chairs across the floor. "That _fucker_ has been in my backyard for months! If we fuckin' cleared that huge ass herd out there, we woulda found him! We woulda fuckin' _dealt_ with him and this shit wouldn't have fuckin' happened!"

I look up and see that Olivia looks fuckin' scared of me. But I can't fuckin' help it. I'm pissed off. Pissed off that all this shit is happening. Pissed off that it's all my fault.

I hang my head and wipe at my brow. "You can leave, Olivia," I mutter, but she hears me.

Olivia quickly pushes through everyone and hurries through the front door.

Everyone's quiet for a few moments until Rick opens his fuckin' mouth.

"We didn't know-"

I whip my head up to cut him off. "I know!"

Rick glares at me for a second like I pissed him off. "I'm just saying- We can 'shoulda coulda woulda' all you want, but it's not gonna solve anything. We need to find a way into Elrdrich's base and get your wife back so we can get rid of that asshole before he ruins everything we've all built here!"

I process that shit. Then I nod because he's right. "I'm gonna take my guys and head out there to check shit out. Actually see if this is where he is."

"We'll go, too," Michonne says with a nod of her own.

A few minutes later, we're on the fuckin' road. I'm in my car with my guys and Rick is behind with Michonne, Daryl, Sasha, and Abraham.

Before we left, I radioed my guys on the bridge to tell them to stick tight. They're going to be stationed out there for a while. Probably until all this shit with Eldritch is fuckin' settled. That is, until he and all his fuckin' men are dead.

When we get within a few miles of the building Olivia talked about, we park up and head off on fuckin' foot. We don't want to alert anyone to our fuckin' presence. There's a line of trees on the edge of the property, so we hide in there. And it's just outside of where the dead fuckin' are, so we'll be good as long as none of us are too fuckin' loud.

"I don't know how anyone could live there," Sasha comments as she looks through the scope of her rifle. "With all those dead so close."

I look through my high powered binoculars. "They make good fuckin' cover," I comment. "Most of the windows are covered in newspaper, so there was definitely people in there at some point."

We keep watching for a long fuckin' time, but there's no fuckin' sign of anyone.

Abraham puts his binoculars down. "Maybe Olivia was wrong-"

"I got movement," Daryl cuts him off. "Top floor. On the left."

We all train our eyes on the window in fuckin' question. And what I see makes my heart fuckin' ache.

It's Chuck. It's definitely Chuck. It's hard to see because the sun is just starting to fuckin' set, but I know it's her. She's looking out the window, one of the only ones not fuckin' covered. I can't really see what she looks like, but I know she's standing, so she must be not fuckin' hurt, at least.

I smile first, glad to actually fuckin' see her. See that she's alright. But it falls quickly. She's not alright. She's prisoner to a man who wants nothing more than to fuckin' destroy me, in a building surrounded by the goddamn dead that I can't find a way to get into.

"That your girl?" Daryl asks.

"Yes," I answer without taking my eyes off her.

She turns around like something got her attention, but turns back. Then I see what what she was fuckin' looking at. Fucking Eldritch comes to stand beside her. Too fucking close to her. They talk, then both turn to leave our fuckin' sight.

I watch for a while more to see if they come back. But they don't, so I drop my fuckin' binoculars. When I look around, everyone is fuckin' staring at me.

"It was him," is all I say, answering the fuckin' question on all their goddamn minds.

Abraham lets out a gruff noise. "So, confirmation that this is the place."

I take in a deep breath. "This is the fuckin' place."

Rick moves to stand next to me. "We still have some radio equipment left. We can find a place around here and set up a base of our own. Close to here and the tunnel so we can keep in contact in case Eldritch makes a move." He looks around to his guys. "We can search the area for a place right now before it gets too dark."

"I saw a country club close by on the map," Michonne comments. "We could search it. See if it's clear."

I rub my hand down my face. "We have some generators back at The Sanctuary. I'll send some guys back with them so we can set up this... recon base, I guess." I let out a groan. "I gotta head off to fuckin' Hilltop now. Tell them the fuckin' news."

We part ways, my guys and Rick's. I'm headed to Hilltop to inform them that Gregory is coming back. I have no idea how the fuck they're gonna take it. But I can't have them fight me on this. I don't know what Eldritch will do if they don't fall in fuckin' line.

— —

Chuck has been pacing around her room for the past few hours, it seems, waiting for Eldritch to get back to see how his meeting with Negan went.

Her only distraction was about an hour ago when someone came in and dropped off clothes for Chuck to change into. It was a powder blue scoopneck dress with a ribbon around the empire waist. Along with the dress is a bra and pair of underwear, which weirds Chuck out to think that Eldritch may have considered what she looks like naked. Plus, the underwear is more like lingerie, white and lacy. Definitely different from her normal cotton underthings. The man who dropped them off insisted that she change into the new outfit because it was "Eldritch's orders" so she did, not wanting to risk raising a stink. The man removed her old clothes, including her underclothes, and gave her matching powder blue heels to wear, saying that Eldritch would collect her for dinner when he arrived.

She didn't put the shoes on, just continued to pace without them.

He mind alternates between racing and vacant. At some points, she just mindlessly puts one foot in front of the other because that's all she really has to do in her room. At other points, her eyes well with tears as everything she could potentially lose flows through her mind.

Her husband, her baby, her home, her life.

She finds herself staring out of her window hoping for something to focus on to keep her from going insane. That focus is shifted when the lock on the door clicks. Chuck looks back over her shoulder to see the door swing open. When she sees that it's Eldritch, she turns back to continue looking out the window.

"Everything fits well, I see," Eldritch says from behind her. "But you're missing the shoes."

Chuck doesn't say anything in response.

"You've done some redecorating." Eldritch comes up to stand beside her. "We don't like the dead to see us moving around in here," he comments as he plays with a bit of ripped newspaper.

"I just wanted to let the sunlight in," Chuck replies quietly.

"We're high enough up," he shrugs one shoulder. "You can keep your sunshine. Besides," he swipes a lock of her hair off her shoulder, "it suits you. Your hair is the exact color of a sunset."

She turns away from him and walks into the center of the room, not wanting to be so close to him.

Eldritch lets out a light huff. "Sit down."

Chuck obeys the order and sits on the edge of her bed.

He walks over to the door and bends down to pick up the heels resting on the wall beside it. Kneeling down in front of her, he starts to slip the shoes onto her feet. His hands linger on her legs a little too long, causing Chuck's anxiety to spike.

"Are you hungry, Red?" His face tilts to see her.

Chuck just nods, not trusting her voice at that moment.

Eldritch stands, taking Chuck's hand and pulling her up with him. He leads her back into the conference room where they first met, only now there are table settings for two at one end. Eldritch pulls out Chuck's chair and gestures for her to sit, pushing the chair back in after. He takes his seat directly to her right, which is at the head of the table.

Eldritch takes a sip from his glass of red wine, letting out a satisfied breath after. "Would you like some?" he offers.

Chuck shakes her head.

"One glass won't hurt the baby. They do it in Europe."

Chuck shakes her head again. "No, thank you."

She takes a sip of her water and notices that the glass is very heavy. It's expensive crystal, just like Eldritch's wine glass. And the silverware is very nice, too. Everything at the table is incredibly fancy, almost like the table settings were taken from a presidential dinner.

A couple of men walk in carrying covered trays containing the entrees, Chuck assumes. The men set the plates down in front of Chuck and Eldritch and swiftly leave.

Eldritch shakes out his napkin and sets it in his lap. "We might not have everything you're used to here, but I instructed the women to prepare the nicest meal they can with what we have." He looks down to his plate. "It smells delicious, don't you think?"

"The women?" Chuck asks, ignoring Eldritch's question. She has only seen men here since she arrived. And the way he said the words rubs Chuck the wrong way.

"Yes. The women," he answers. "I know you haven't seen them, but I have women here. I just keep them away from all this ugliness." He gestures upwards, vaguely denoting the state of the world, Chuck assumes. "We're fighting a war everyday, now. And women are nothing but liabilities on the front lines. I don't put my people in danger like Negan does by sticking women where they don't belong." He takes another sip of wine. "But you women are useful in other ways." He points to the food. "Cooking, cleaning. _Hopefully_ child rearing in the future." He sticks his fork in his food. "Eat," he demands before taking his bite.

Chuck takes a small bite, but refuses to raise her head to him. She's absolutely hating this. Eating with him like everything is normal is one thing. But listening to his misogynistic views is another. Everything in her wants to stand up to him, but she is afraid to make him angry.

"How is it?" he asks.

"It's very good." Chuck wants to make sure to praise the women, because she has a feeling that their lives here are probably pretty dire. Not that the food isn't good. It's actually delicious.

"One of the women was a five star chef. She makes all my food."

"What's her name?"

He casts his eyes up in thought then looks back to his plate. "I don't know."

That sends a chill down Chuck's spine. He knows why this woman is useful to him, but not her name. Like she's not an actual person.

They eat for a few minutes in silence before Eldritch resumes the conversation. "I thought you'd be asking about your husband as soon as I got you. You don't want to know how the meeting went?"

"How did it go?" she asks almost quietly. It's not that she didn't want to know. It's just that she didn't want to ask. If the meeting went poorly, she didn't want to risk being on the receiving end of Eldritch's anger. Because who better to take it out on than her.

Eldritch smiles. "It went exactly as I wanted it to. Negan is cooperating one hundred percent. He'll be pulling his men out of his outposts and handing over all of his guns to me when we meet again in two days." He lets out a little chuckle, very pleased with himself.

Chuck knows that no matter what, Negan would never fully cooperate with Eldritch. Whatever Negan said to Eldritch, he has a plan to take him down. Negan always has a plan.

"Am I going home when you meet again?" Chuck asks, hopeful.

He shakes his head. "I still need you a little bit longer, Red. Besides, I think I'm starting to like you."

She looks down to her plate and tries to blink away the ears that are starting to fill her eyes.

They finish the rest of their meal in a tense silence, only the occasional clanking of a fork on a plate breaking it. When the dishes are empty, Eldritch takes Chuck by the hand and leads her back into her room.

Chuck's eyes immediately land on her bed and the white satin nightgown that sits on top of it. Someone had apparently left it there while she was out.

Eldritch gestures to the garment. "Put it on."

Chuck turns to face Eldritch to wait for him to leave. But he doesn't. Instead, he grasps her shoulders and turns her back to him. When Chuck feels him tug at the zipper to her dress, she instantly flips around and backs away from him.

"Don't!" she yells and throws one arm around herself while she holds the other out to keep Eldritch back.

He walks toward Chuck with a stoic look on his face. "I'm just helping you into your nightgown, Charlotte."

"I won't wear it!" she cries out in fear.

His face suddenly twists in anger. "You'll wear _it_ or _nothing_!" he screams in her face. He backs away and inhales a few heavy breaths to steady himself. "Either you _let_ me take the dress off you or I'll rip it off and take the nightgown with me, too," he says more calmly.

Chuck weighs her options and hesitantly turns around to face away from Eldritch, making her choice to let him undress her.

Eldritch slowly unzips the dress and pushes it down her arms. But he doesn't let the dress drop. He kneels down behind her to pull it to her feet. "Step out."

Obeying the order, she steps out of the dress with one foot, then the other.

"Turn around and step out of the shoes, too," Eldritch orders again still from a kneeling position.

Wrapping her arms around herself to shield her from his gaze, she turns and kicks the shoes off before he can touch her. She hopes to god that he's not going to take her underclothes off as well.

Eldritch grabs the nightgown from the bed and walks to her. "Arms up."

Chuck raises her arms and Eldritch pulls the nightgown over her arms and head, letting it fall down he body naturally. She immediately brings her arms back around her, still feeling too exposed. The nightgown is spaghetti strapped and made of thin satin cut above the knee.

Eldritch steps back and bends down to take the matching white satin kitten heel slippers from beside the bed. "Put these on." He hands them to Chuck then goes to the door, opening it and calling out for someone.

Chuck throws the slippers down and slips them on, completely confused and upset about what is happening. Her tears are freely falling from her eyes and traveling down her cheeks.

Eldritch comes back in with his Polaroid camera, pausing to look Chuck up and down.

"Perfect," he whispers with a smile and brings the camera up to take the picture.


	49. Chapter 49

— Negan's POV —

We pull up to Hilltop and I'm not fuckin' looking forward to this shit. It's not just a fuckin' name, these people actually see me as a savior. I rescued their women. I got rid of that fuck Gregory. And Hilltop has been fuckin' flourishing ever since.

Now I have to tell them I was ass rammed by fuckin' Eldritch and they're going to have to follow Gregory again.

Fuck. This whole fuckin' thing is gonna kill me, I swear to god.

The guys on the gate let us in and we park the car. Jesus comes out of the main house and leads us back into his office. I tell my guys to hang back, so it's just me and Jesus fuckin' talking.

"Did the discussion with Eldritch last this long?" Jesus asks as he takes his seat behind the desk. I've been keeping in touch with him, so he knows I was set to meet Eldritch this morning. And it's fuckin' late now, so...

I answer him. "No. Some other shit happened after." I let out a sigh. "I got some bad fuckin' news."

He looks at me kinda shocked. "Your wife-"

"No," I cut him off before he can ask what I know he was gonna fuckin' ask. "She's okay as far as I can fuckin' tell. I meant I have bad news for you."

"What is it?"

"Gregory's alive and working with fuckin' Eldritch."

He looks shocked for a second then scrunches up his face. "How did Gregory make it all the way back here from where he was dropped off alive? To my knowledge he's never even _killed_ a walker before."

"That's not the fuckin' worst part. Eldritch wants me to pull my men out of all my outposts and put fuckin' Gregory back in charge here."

Jesus just stares at me before he finally calls out, "What?"

"I hate this just as fuckin' much as you do, but we have to act like we're fuckin' complying until I get Chuck back. Which, speaking of, we found Eldritch's base earlier today, so I'm already coming up with a plan to take him the fuck down."

Jesus shakes his head. "I don't like this. _No one_ is going to like this."

"I know. But this shit is temporary. I fuckin' promise you that. I just need you to trust me and go along with this shit for a little while."

He stares at me for a second before he nods once.

I scratch at my beard. "I need you to get rid of that radio equipment before Gregory gets here. I do _not_ want him privy to my fuckin' plans."

"There's this cabin I use nearby that Gregory never knew about. I can set the radio up in there so we can still keep in touch. I'll find a way to keep it manned without Gregory knowing. When's he coming here."

"Any time tomorrow, I guess. Eldritch told me to have all my guys gone before our fuckin' meet in two days. I'm guessing old Gregs'll be here before then."

"I'll get everything moved out tonight."

I nod. "Good. I know you guys here are farmers, but I might need you guys to fight for me if the fuckin' time comes."

"Of course. Your men have been teaching some of the people here how to fight. And I'm sure if you ask, they'll want to help out."

"Can you gather all your people outside? I should fuckin' address them my-fuckin'-self with all this." I stand up with a groan. I don't wanna do this shit.

A few minutes later, everyone is gathered around me out on the lawn.

I raise my arms in the air to start. "As some of you no doubt know, The Sanctuary was attacked the other day. Not only that, but something very fuckin' precious to me was taken at the same time. The man that dared to fuckin' come at me went right for the lowest fuckin' blow possible and kidnapped my pregnant wife."

People gasp. Apparently most of them didn't know that fuckin' detail.

I continue. "Because this man Eldritch has my wife, he has made some demands of me. And given the fuckin' current circumstances, I am inclined to go through with them. But I want to make this absolutely fuckin' clear, this. is. temporary. Once I get my girl back, I will kill that motherfucker who did this and _everything_ will go back to fuckin' normal. And in the meantime, I won't let anything happen to you guys. You're _my_ people no matter what, and I will protect you." I suck in a breath. "But one of the demands that motherfucker made is for me to relinquish control of Hilltop."

People start to look around fuckin' confused. "To Jesus?" someone calls out.

I shake my head. "Back to Gregory," I answer.

"What?!"

"No!"

"He's back?!"

"Why him?!"

Everyone starts to talk all at once and I don't fuckin' blame them. This is their home and it's being threatened.

I raise my hand to settle them the fuck down. "I know. I have no fuckin' idea how that limp dick found his way to Eldritch, but he did. And they're working together."

"We can fight back!" someone yells. "We won't let him ruin what we've built!"

"We _will_ fight back," I respond. "Just not yet."

"We fight back _now_!" someone calls out.

"Don't you understand!?" a female voice yells over everyone. The owner of the voice pushes herself through the crowd to stand by me.

It's Lisa, the pregnant woman I had talked to several fuckin' times. I had some explaining to do after I rejected her sister's fuckin' advances. But then I told Lisa about Chuck and how she's pregnant with my kid, so she understood in the end why I didn't fuck her sister's brains out. We talked a lot about pregnancy after that. What Chuck was probably experiencing in her own pregnancy. How it changed Lisa's relationship with her husband.

That was when me and Chuck were kinda fighting. I didn't give Lisa all the fuckin' details, but she knew something was up when I talked about her. She told me to be easy on Chuck because she was all hormonal and shit. It worked out in the end any-fuckin'-way, since after that, me and Chuck professed our fuckin' love for one another. And we've been strong as shit since then.

Well, Lisa's not fuckin' pregnant anymore. She's carrying her son in one arm and gesturing to the crowd with the other. "We can't fight back because Eldritch could kill Negan's _pregnant_ wife! And I don't want that on my head! Do you?!" She looks around, but no one will look her in the eyes, knowing she's fuckin' right. "Negan has done nothing but good for all of us. He's saved our people. His men have trained us to defend ourselves. His trade agreement with Alexandria has given us medicine we've needed, different foods for our diets, tools to strengthen our walls. We _owe_ him. We owe him our loyalty and we owe him our trust." She turns around to look at me. "I'll stand behind you and your decisions. I know you'll do what's best for everyone."

Jesus jumps in. "I agree with Lisa. We should hold off on fighting until the right moment. Until then, we act like everything's normal."

Slowly, people get on board, after a bit more fuckin' explaining. In the end, the hill-folk agree not to raise a fuckin' stink when Gregory gets here. But they're eager to fight. Especially after I told them that some of my guys that they're pretty familiar with are fuckin' missing and presumed dead by Eldritch's hand. The fact that these pastoral motherfuckers are turning into little pit bulls just tickles my balls.

I leave Hilltop a little more fuckin' hopeful than when I arrived. Not only do I _not_ have to worry about the hill-folk going over to the dark side, but I can count them among my men that will fight for me.

But that little ray of fuckin' sunshine doesn't eclipse just how goddamn shitty everything is right now.

It's fuckin' late when I finally get home, but I'm not gonna fuckin' sleep. Not now. I want to get started fuckin' planning how to take down that shithead that's fucking up my life. So I head off to Simon's room to talk to him about it. I knock on his door and wait. I know he's fuckin' sleeping so I give him a minute to get the fuck up.

He finally answers the door in his boxers, his hair all fuckin' crazy. Or crazier than normal, I guess.

"We gotta talk." I move to push past him and into his room, but he stops me.

"Frankie and Tonya are sleeping," he whispers and throws his thumb over his shoulder.

I peek my head in his room and see the former wives all cuddled up together on his couch. I fuckin' forgot I sent them there.

"Get dressed and come to my office."

I head upstairs and immediately go to my liquor cabinet to grab two glasses and a bottle of bourbon. I come back out to my desk and sit down to wait for Simon to get the fuck up here. By the time the door opens and he walks through it, I had already poured myself a drink and downed it. I slide his glass over to him as he sits in the chair across from me, but he pushes it back.

"I think 4am is a little early to start drinking," Simon half jokes. That's how he always was when shit got bad, joking to make sure my dark moods didn't fuckin' consume me. And I know he can sense that this shit happening right now could get pretty fuckin' dark.

He might be right about it being early, but I pour myself another drink and toss it down my fuckin' throat anyway. After I slam the glass down on my desk, I dig into my jacket pocket and fish out the picture of Chuck. I look at it for a second before I hand it to Simon without a word.

"Shit," he whispers when he stares at it. "She looks..."

"Terrified?" I answer for him.

He looks up at me. "She doesn't look hurt." He holds the picture out to me again.

I scoff then take a swig straight from the bottle. "There's that, I fuckin' guess." I take the picture back from him and put it in my pocket.

"What did Eldritch want?"

"Our guns. The outposts. Hilltop. And, oh yeah, weekly fuckin' tribute," I drone sarcastically.

"That all?" he jokes back with just as much sarcasm.

I let out a sigh. "He wants the guns in two fuckin' days." I scrub at my face. "Well... tomorrow now, I guess, since it _is_ 4am. And we gotta get all the guys out of the fuckin' outposts by then, too."

"What about Hilltop?"

"We pull our men and leave the hill-folk. And fuckin' _Gregory_ is moving back in."

"Are you fuckin' kidding me?" he says with a groan.

"Nope." I sigh. "But I talked to the hill-folk before I came here. And they're gonna play their part."

"Which is?"

"Lay back and think of England 'til we get Chuck back," I answer bluntly. It fuckin' sucks that that's my plan. But it's all I got right now."

"Shit," Simon groans, obviously thinking that plan sucks ass. "Rick radioed earlier and talked about what you guys saw out there. And he said he found a place to set up near Eldritch's compound. He's got a generator and all that so he can get the radio up and running in the morning. So," he looks at his watch, "in a few hours."

I nod. He's all up to speed, I guess. "There's no fuckin' way we can attack that compound head on. The dead'll fuckin' swarm us before we even get to it."

He nods. "The tunnel any easier?"

"It's heavily fuckin' guarded. And that's just what we can see. Who knows how many guys are just fuckin' waiting inside the tunnel with machine guns and shit. We could be walking into a goddamn death trap. Besides, any attack is too dangerous with Chuck still in there. If Eldritch sees us coming, he might fuckin' hurt her." I rub at my eyes. Shit, I'm tired. But I gotta get this shit done. "We have to wait until Chuck is safe before we make our move."

"Is Eldritch gonna exchange her for the weapons?"

"I hope so. But I'm not fuckin' sure. He said I'd get Chuck when our deal is done. That might mean when he gets the fuckin' guns. It might mean when he gets our tribute."

The thought of Chuck being away from me for another fuckin' week makes me want to tear my whole office apart and bring Lucille down on anything that's left. But I gotta keep it together. I gotta be able to fight.

Simon itches at his cheek and tries to sound hopeful. "Maybe we'll get her back tomorrow. Maybe he'll hand her over when he gets the guns."

"It wouldn't be the play I'd make," I say flatly. It'd be fuckin' stupid for him to lose that leverage so quick.

"You wouldn't've kidnapped a pregnant girl in the first place."

I shrug before I take another swig from my bottle. "I want to attack that piece of shit the second Chuck is back here safe and fuckin' sound. So we need to get ready in the event that that fuckin' happens tomorrow."

"What's the plan?"

I let out a heavy breath and gesture to Simon. "We gotta come up with one."

"Hmm." He rubs down his mustache. "You said going in through the front is a no-go. We got any idea how many men are in that compound?"

"Nope. They got all the windows covered pretty much, so we can't see shit inside. Chuck's fuckin' window was uncovered, so I saw her."

"Really?"

I nod, but I don't want to go any further into it, so I change the subject back. "But everything else is just a fuckin' guess. And that place is fuckin' huge. He could have five hundred men in there, for all we fuckin' know."

"We'll have to lure them out somehow."

"Hmm." I rub my chin as I think it over. But then a thought comes to me and I start to smile. "Or not."

"Whatcha thinking?"

"We use those fuckin' dead against them." I can tell he's fuckin' confused so I elaborate. "We close off that tunnel somehow. Maybe block it off with a truck or something. Then use some of those fuckin' explosives we got and blow fuckin' holes in the side of that building. The dead'll file the fuck in and kill off the vast majority of those motherfuckers without us having to do shit. We wait around, see if any of those fuckers come out alive and take them down."

"How are we gonna get explosives anywhere near that building?"

"Gut up. Wander through the dead and plant the bombs on a remote trigger or some shit. I bet that mullet weirdo can rig that shit up."

"Gut up? There's a reason we stopped doing that shit."

I fuckin' know what he's talking about. When we figured out that the fuckin' biters don't go after their own, we would have guys cover themselves in the gross ass guts of the dead to get into overrun places. But some of the guys got fuckin' sick. One even died, so we never did that shit again.

"I fuckin' know there's a risk. But we can do it better than we used to. Maybe they can _not_ get it on their fuckin' skin or something." I run my hand through my hair, thinking of how this could fuckin work. "Wait. Don't we have some of those latex sex suits from that time someone thought it'd be fuckin' hilarious to empty out a sex store?"

Simon chuckles. "Yeah. They're in storage. No one wanted that shit at the market."

"My guys can put that shit on under their clothes. And use masks and shit so they don't actually touch the fuckin' guts. That should be safe."

Simon looks down and shakes his head before he looks back to me. "And who exactly is gonna do this, Negan? Gut up. Walk through a herd with a literal fuckin' bomb. Then walk back out before it explodes?" He shakes his head again. "No one will volunteer for that shit."

That sets me off and I slam my fist down on the desk. "Then I'll do it my-fuckin'-self!"

Simon stares at me for a second. "No. _I'll_ do it before you will. You're too important here." He looks away for a second. "You have a kid on the way."

I shake my head and rub the back of my neck, calming myself down. "I think this is the only fuckin' plan we got, Simon. How the fuck else are we gonna go in stealth and get past the fuckin' dead? We don't have time for the recon that would lead to a better fuckin' plan."

He lets out a heavy breath. "You're right."

"So today, we get fuckin' busy. I need all the guys pulled from the outposts. And I need the lieutenants to empty their stockpiles and bring that shit back here."

Each lieutenant is responsible for one stockpile and each stockpile is hidden out near one of the outposts. Only me, Simon, and the lieutenants even know about the extra weapons. And the lieutenants only know about their stockpile. The lieutenants are my most trusted guys, so I know they would never mouth off about it.

I continue, "The shit in the armory, the shit Conner told Eldritch about, gets moved into a truck so I can head out tomorrow with it. Then the stockpile weapons can get put back in the armory for when we attack."

"Okay." Simon nods.

"Gather the guys at sun up in the meeting room so we can discuss this shit with them. Get stuff moving along."

The whole rest of the day goes fuckin' quick. I get my guys all together and tell them about everything. They're fuckin' shocked at first when I tell them that we'd be handing over our entire fuckin' armory, but when I said we still have plenty of guns off site, they fuckin' settle. Besides, we'll get all those fuckin' guns back when we kill all those motherfuckers. Which is a point I fuckin' stress. We are _not_ giving up the fuckin' fight. And my guys see that.

I send my lieutenants out to empty their outposts and bring back their stockpiles. I tell them to be fuckin' discrete about it in case Eldritch is watching. I don't think he fuckin' is. Especially since my guys watching the tunnel said not many people have fuckin' come in and out. I bet that motherfucker Eldritch is just sitting back fuckin' congratulating himself on a job well fuckin' done already. Seems the fuckin' type to celebrate before he gets over the goddamn finish line.

I go over the plan with my guys about gutting up and placing explosives on the building and it goes over better than I thought it fuckin' would. Sure, some guys speak up about how insane it fuckin' is, but in the end, three guys volunteer to do it without fuckin' prompting. One of them being José. I know he feels fuckin' guilty about losing Chuck on his watch. And part of me want to blame him, but part of me knows it wasn't really his fuckin' fault.

I got Eugene working on remote detonators for our explosives. He's even come all the way out here to fuckin' do it. And he's fuckin' assuring me that those bombs'll be completely safe to carry around until the damn button is pushed.

I work out all the details with my men, then go over the plan again and again until everyone knows exactly what's gonna happen. This shit could go off tomorrow night if I get Chuck back at our meeting. If not, we'll have more fuckin' time to go over it.

Late that night, Jesus calls on the radio. He says that Gregory got there and moved right the fuck back in like nothing happened. The hill-folk are pissed about it, but they're not fuckin' raising a stink. They're trying to act like shit's normal, too.

I tell Jesus about my plan and he says he'd do anything to help. He's fuckin' eager to get past this shit. He says he doesn't fuckin' trust Gregory and I don't fuckin' blame him. Gregory won't stand up to Eldritch. And I have no doubt in my mind that Eldritch would gut Hilltop, too, in the end.

But that's not gonna fuckin' happen. I'm gonna stop it. _I_ save people and _I_ keep them safe. I'm gonna stop Eldritch. And I'm gonna get Chuck back.

— —

The blanket they provided Chuck is scratchy, but she has no choice but to use it. Despite wrapping it around her tightly, it barely kept her warm enough all night. And she's still cold with it wrapped around her now, even though the sun is shining bright outside her window. It doesn't help matters that the nightgown that she's still wearing does nothing to keep the cool air away.

No one had provided her any other clothes, so she is still in the thin white satin nightgown that Eldritch had made her wear the night before. And she hates it. It makes her feel more in display here. Whenever one of Eldritch's men looks in to check on her, his eyes seem to linger. It disgusts Chuck every time.

That's the other reason she's huddled in her scratchy blanket, sitting underneath the window. To cover herself from unwanted gazes.

The door opens and she turns away from whoever would be looking in on her. Just like every other time.

"Chuck?" that familiar voice that she never wants to hear almost whispers to her.

She turns her head to see Andy standing directly in front of her now closed door. Instantly, she stands and her heart starts to race. She remembers how angry Andy's brother was the last time they were in here. If Andy held even half of that anger, Chuck has cause to worry about why he is standing before her.

He holds his hands up. "I'm not gonna hurt you."

"What are you doing?" she asks hurriedly.

"I-I wanted to talk to you."

She tightens the blanket around herself. "Why?"

Andy looks straight into her eyes. "I don't hate you the way Conner does. Okay? I don't blame you for what you did."

Chuck looks away, ashamed a herself for her previous actions. "You don't?"

"No."

Chuck looks back up to him. "I'm sorry for what I did. It was wrong. And I should've apologized sooner. I really should've. But I was so embarrassed."

He shakes his head. "You don't need to apologize, Chuck. I was angry at first, but that was before I knew what you went through. Simon set me straight, though. I mouthed off about you at one of his poker games and he had me up against the wall by my neck in a split second. He told me what you went through before you came here. And that you had like a PTSD episode when you attacked me."

Chuck lets out a breath. "It's your voice," she explains quietly. "It sounds like one of the guy's... When I heard it... I just freaked out."

"I'm sorry," he says genuinely.

"It's not your fault. You didn't deserve what I did."

"I'm fine." He smiles at her. "Barely a scar."

"Still..." She shrugs.

Andy continues. "I wasn't angry after what Simon told me. And I tried to explain it to Conner, but he wouldn't listen. He hated that Negan didn't punish you more. He said that Negan was 'forsaking his men for some pussy'." Andy shakes his head. "Conner has been questioning Negan for a while. Then when he didn't punish you... he just snapped." He looks back up to Chuck. "But I don't want to see you get hurt. You or the baby."

"If you don't agree with Conner, why are you here?"

"He's is my only family. He practically raised me. I have to follow him."

"You don't, Andy. You can do your own thing."

He stares at Chuck for a moment then starts to shake his head. "I _have_ to follow him, Chuck. I'm sorry. But I have to." He turns and leaves without another word.

Later that night, Eldritch comes to collect Chuck for dinner. Apparently this is the routine now. Eldritch would come to her room with a new dress which Chuck changes into, then they eat dinner.

So Chuck, dressed in her light pink dress, sits in her seat at the corner of the table as they are served their meal. Eldritch, wearing a tight cream colored henley and dark green pants, is at the head of the table. And he's in a very good mood, his smile not fading since he collected her.

"How is the meal, Red?" he asks cheerfully partway through the meal.

"Very good," she responds with barely any emotion as she pokes at the food with her fork.

He chuckles lowly. "You don't seem to be enjoying it."

"It's very good," she repeats.

His smile falls slightly and he runs his hand over his slicked back hair. "You're not excited about tomorrow?"

She looks up, unsure of what she should say. If she says no, he may get angry. But she can't force herself to say yes. She's most certainly _not_ excited about her people having to hand over their weapons to this man. And she knows that is what's going to happen tomorrow.

"I expect an answer," he says forcefully when she doesn't give one.

"No," she quietly replies.

He stares at her for a moment, his face now cold. "Come here." He points his finger to the ground at his left.

Chuck pushes her chair out slowly and moves to stand beside the man. But he doesn't say anything further. He just continues to eat slowly as Chuck stands awkwardly beside him. When he finishes his meal, he pushes his chair out and points to the floor directly in front of his spread legs.

Chuck is shaking as she obeys his silent order and steps closer to him. She's afraid of what might happen next.

He stares up at her for a moment before he pats his right leg, signaling for her to sit on his lap.

She shakes her head and casts her eyes to the floor. "Please..."

Eldritch suddenly grabs her arm and pulls her into him to sit his right thigh. She tries to pull away, but his grip on her is much too strong. Both of his arms snake around her and pull her into his chest. Again, she still tries to push herself away from his contact, but can't manage to separate herself from him.

"Stop," he growls and squeezes her even more.

The pain of it takes the fight out of her. He could easily hurt her much more, or the baby if he so wanted, so Chuck stops struggling, though she continues to quietly whimper in fear.

Eldritch's grip goes slack, but Chuck doesn't dare to move. He finally pushes her to sit up and wrenches her face in his direction so she has no choice but to look at him.

"Do _not_ disobey me ever again, Red," he growls.

"I'm sorry," she chokes out as tears stream down her face.

His expression suddenly lightens and he brings his hand up to wipe her cheeks softly. "Don't be upset. Tomorrow will be an amazing day. And afterwards, nothing will be able to stop me. With Negan's guns in my possession and my undead soldiers, I can rule this land the way it _should_ be ruled. This is just the beginning."

Chuck sniffles and lowers her head to wipe her nose.

Eldritch nudges her chin back up to look at him. "You should be happy, Red. All of this is because of you. I was wracking my brain for weeks thinking of a way to take down Negan. But then Conner and Andy told me about you. And _this_." He puts his hand on her belly. "If Negan didn't have this weak spot, he probably would be unstoppable. So _thank you_ , Miss Charlotte," he emphasizes the phrase just to get to her. "You have made _everything_ I've done possible."

Chuck stares back at him in shock. She had never really thought about it like that. And now that he's put that in her mind, she is filled with guilt.

"Now, now," he wipes her cheeks again, "let's get you ready for bed."

Once again, Chuck allows Eldritch to undress her in her room and put her nightgown on. The whole time, Chuck's mind wanders to Negan.

 _Is Negan alright? Does he blame me for all this? Does he even miss me?_

 _I miss him so much. It's only been a few days, but that's longer than we've been separated for a while._

 _I love him more than anything. I just want to go home..._

Chuck is brought out of her thoughts when she realizes that Eldritch has leaned down close to her, one hand on the side of her neck and his other on her hip. She is terrified, but frozen in fear.

He places his lips close to her ear to whisper, "I'll see you tomorrow for dinner." His lips linger a moment before they move to kiss her cheek softly.

Chuck squeezes her eyes shut and doesn't open them again until well after she hears Eldritch exit and the click of the lock on her door.


	50. Chapter 50

— Negan's POV —

We load up our truck with all our weapons to head out to the meet with fuckin' Eldritch. It's a tight fuckin' fit, but Eldritch said one car only. And I'm not gonna fuckin' test him.

What the fuck am I even doing? I fuckin' hate myself for rolling over and taking what Eldritch is doling out. I want to just fight him. Kill all his men. Be over and done with. But I just can't. There's that voice in the back of my head that refuses to gamble with Chuck's life. I just fuckin' can't. So now I'm a fuckin' impotent little pussy just allowing Eldritch to shit all over me. But I fuckin' hope my men don't see me that way. If they do, no matter how this shit ends, I might lose everything.

I head out with the same people I did before. Me, Dwight, and Arat are in the front of the truck and my two other saviors are in the back with the guns.

After a while, I cut the silence with a huff. "Well this is shitty."

"Yeah," Arat confirms. "But we'll get the weapons back. Once we really show Eldritch what we're capable of, he'll go down fucking hard."

"Exactly," I say more confidently than I actually am. "You keep reminding the guys of that. That this shit is just a ploy to get Eldritch right where we want him."

Arat turns to me. "They know that, sir. They know we're gonna take that bastard down."

"Good." I rub my hand down my cheek. "I don't need anyone thinking I'm weak."

"We know you're not," Arat replies quickly. She was always one of my most loyal guys. "And I'll set anyone fucking straight who says different."

I chuckle. It makes me feel a little fuckin' better that she's got my back.

We pull into the area just like before and get flanked by Eldritch's men. Just like before. They lead us to a spot and we park. They pull their guns, just like before and we start to exit the truck, my guys in the back included. Eldritch's guys round us up to stand next to the truck before Eldritch comes out. When he does, he gestures to his men and they start to empty the back of my truck, moving the weapons into his own vehicles.

"I'm glad to see that you didn't cause any trouble," Eldritch starts with that smug fuckin' grin on his face. "I was actually expecting a fight here."

"There's still time," I say before fuckin' thinking. I just can't take his fuckin' face and it make me want to lash the fuck out.

Eldritch chuckles, but I can see that he didn't fuckin' like me talking back.

"Where's Chuck?" I ask before he can say anything about it.

"Not here. You didn't think you'd get her back so soon, did you?"

I shoot that fucker a glare.

He pulls a picture from his pocket and hands it to one of his guys. That guy then walks over and hands it to me

I bite my fucking lip so hard that I taste blood when I look at that picture. Chuck is standing in the middle of a room in a fucking skimpy ass white nightgown. And she's fucking crying. Her face is all red and her eyes are all puffy.

I shake my head. "You fucking touched her," I growl between my teeth without looking up. Everything he probably did to my girl flashes before my eyes and I see red. "You fucking touched her!" I move to lunge for that fucking piece of shit Eldritch, but one of his guys fuckin' pistolwhips me, making me drop Lucille, and tackles me to the ground. He can't fuckin' stop me from fighting, though. I'm in a fuckin' rage and just punch and kick as hard as I can at anything that gets in my way. That is, until two more guys come over and finally hold me down.

"Calm down or you lose one," Eldritch calls out calmly.

I look back to my own guys and see that they now have guns trained on the back of their heads. It makes me stop fuckin' struggling. There's no goddamn sense in me losing some of my best guys here.

I take a deep breath. "I'm fuckin' calm. Let me the fuck up." The guys get off me so I get up slowly, grabbing Lucille on the way. As I stand fully, I hear Eldritch fuckin' laugh.

"You should be more careful, old man. I wouldn't want you to break your hip."

"Shut the fuck up," I mutter as I get pushed back to where I was standing.

"You have nothing to worry about, Negan. Why would I touch sweet Miss Charlotte? What would be the point? She's already filled up with your baby."

I glare back at him and seethe. "The _fuck_ does that mean?!"

He chuckles. "I want what you have, Negan. I haven't exactly been blessed like you."

"Small dick?" I ask him immediately. I don't fuckin' know why. I'm just pissed off now and not thinking.

His smug expression falls and he glares at me. "You think you're funny?"

I shrug. I shouldn't be pushing his buttons, but it gives me a thrill to see that he doesn't really have a fuckin' comeback to that.

"I was saying," he continues, trying to sound as nonchalant as he was, but I can tell he's fuckin' pissed, "my _group_ hasn't been blessed with the diversity yours has. I know that your community is roughly 50/50 men to women. Mine, however, is not. I only have about a dozen or so women, and even fewer of them can fulfill their ultimate duty and bear children. A few have their tubes tied. Some have iuds that we can't take out. And a few more are under childbearing age. So we'll have to wait."

"What the fuck are you talking about you sick motherfucker?!" I spit out.

"Shut up!" Eldritch yells, barely fuckin' restrained. I'm getting to him and that might be fuckin' dangerous. He takes a deep breath and puts that smug look back on his face. "If you talk back one more time, I'll start dropping off your precious wife's fingers to your doorstep."

I glare back at him but don't say another goddamn word.

" _Tribute_ is what I'm talking about, Negan. You _will_ provide for me what I want from you. Food from your stores. All the medicine you have." He smiles wide at me. "And ten of your women."

My eyes go wide. "Absolutely not," I call out as I shake my head, almost fuckin' shocked. But I guess I fuckin' shouldn't be with this sick motherfucker.

" _That_ is what you owe me. And you will give it to me in one week's time."

"My people aren't fucking cattle. Everything else, fine. I'll give you that shit. But I sure as fuck am _not_ gonna give you women to fuckin' use!"

His face turns angry. "Then you'll _never_ see your woman again!" He pauses for a second then smiles at me like a fuckin' snake. "And I _know_ she's fertile. I just have to wait, what, six months."

"You sick son of a bitch!" Arat screams before I do and it stops me from fuckin' going after him myself. That, and Eldritch's guys moving toward me just itching to put me on the ground again.

"Ten women," Eldritch reiterates, acting like he didn't even hear Arat. "And I'll even let you guys decide which ones. But they have to be able to get pregnant." He finally looks over to Arat. "Maybe not this one. She's got too much fight."

I grab Arat's arm and hold her back before she can bum rush that fucker like I know she wants to. Both to stop her from pissing Eldritch off and stop her from getting herself fuckin' killed.

Eldritch laughs and looks around to his guys. "See?"

I can barely contain my own fuckin' self, but I do. I fuckin' hate this so goddamn much. There is no fuckin' way I'm giving this man women to fuckin' rape. No way in fuckin' hell. But I have to _say_ yes to him. Even if I have no intention of actually going through with it. I have to agree to it. Because if I _don't_ agree, he could run right back to Chuck and do god knows what to her. I already have no fuckin' idea how he's treated her. If he's lying about not touching her...

Fuck! Even _thinking_ about fake-agreeing to that shit makes me want to throw the fuck up.

"Okay," I finally concede.

Arat whips her head to me. "What?!"

I hold my hand up to calm her the fuck down. I'll explain it to her later.

Eldritch looks fuckin' pleased as punch. "One week, we meet back here. And I'll let you bring an extra vehicle to get all that stuff here."

"I want daily updates on Chuck," I call out before Eldritch can say his goodbyes. "Daily pictures so I know she's still alive."

Eldritch thinks about it for a second before he shrugs a shoulder. "Okay. I'll send one of my guys here with a picture at noon."

"I want extra proof. You could just have a bunch of fuckin' pictures that you took the first day."

"What proof?" he asks, a little fuckin' frustrated.

I think. "I'll write something on a piece of fuckin' paper and you can take a picture with her holding it up."

"Fine," he says like he's fuckin' bored with all this. He gestures to his guys and they produce a piece of paper and a marker that they hand to me.

I start to write nice and fuckin' big to fill the page up. " _There are some things that it is better to begin than to refuse, even though the end may be dark._ " I know Chuck'll fuckin' get what I'm trying to tell her with that. I just hope Eldritch won't.

I give the paper back to Eldritch's guy and we all get back into the truck to leave. Arat stares daggers into my fuckin' face the whole time, but I don't say anything until we're away from Eldritch's guys.

"I fuckin' know-" I finally start but she cuts me off.

"You can't give him girls! You know what he's gonna do!"

"I'm not giving him _shit_!" I yell back. "Least of all women! But it give us _one week_ to get shit planned. _One week_ to bring Chuck home and kill all those motherfuckers. No matter fuckin' what, this shit ends before the week is fuckin' done."

I mean it. I really fuckin' do. I have no goddamn idea how I'm gonna get Chuck the fuck outta that place so I can implement my plan and kill those fuckers, but I'll come up with something. I have to. Because I am _not_ gonna fuckin' sacrifice a single goddamn thing more to that sick motherfucker and his men. Not food. Not medicine. And certainly not my fuckin' people.

— —

Chuck changes into her dinner outfit yet again. Another feminine dress. This one is lilac purple with a lace overlay. It's pretty enough, and under different circumstances, Chuck would actually feel good wearing it. But right now, she absolutely hates it.

Earlier in the day, someone had led her to a locker room to actually shower for the first time in days. She was hesitant at first, not wanting to be any more vulnerable than what she already is. But she went through with it in the end, though it was the quickest, most stressful shower she's ever taken in her life. Nothing had happened; no one had messed with her. But it was still unpleasant to think that she was so defenseless in there. When she had returned to her room, the dress was waiting for her on her bed.

She knows that dinner tonight is going to be horrible. With how excited Eldritch was yesterday to take Negan's weapons, she's sure he'll rub it in today. She's expecting him to be all smiles, but what she is treated to is something else.

She is, indeed, greeted by his smiling face when he opens her door, but it isn't the same smile he had yesterday. It's darker, more sinister, almost forced. And it scares her.

Instead of taking her hand and leading her to the conference room for dinner, he takes her by the wrist and pulls her there. Gone is all the presence of chivalry. He doesn't pull her chair out for her to sit, but pushes her into it then takes his own seat. And when he eats, it's not slow and polite, he stabs his fork into his food and shoves it into his mouth.

He's angry. The meeting must've went badly. And that terrifies Chuck.

She ducks her head and takes small bites before she ends up just pushing the food around on her plate, her appetite completely gone.

Eldritch eventually breaks the tense silence. "You don't want to know how the meeting went?" he coldly asks, not looking up from his plate.

She begins, "How was-"

"Perfect," he hisses before she can finish. His tone contradicts his words, though. The meeting couldn't have been perfect like he says if he's acting like this. "I have all of Negan's weapons. He's completely powerless now." He raises his head to look at her. "How does that make you feel?"

"Scared," she answers truthfully.

He chuckles darkly then goes back to his food. "You should've put your hair up," he mutters without looking at Chuck.

"I don't have-" She stops when Eldritch whips his head up to glare at her.

His eyes flick down to her plate for a moment. "Why aren't you eating? Food not to your liking?"

She casts her eyes down, ready to answer, but he doesn't give her the chance.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" he screams almost immediately, which makes Chuck jump. His chair scrapes against the floor as he pushes it out and jumps up. He stomps over to Chuck and yanks her loose hair back so that she has no choice but to look up at him. "You eat what I give you!" he yells an inch from her face. "You eat when I tell you to eat!"

"I-I..." She starts to sob.

Eldritch growls and uses the hand not wrapped in her hair to swipe all of the dishes from the table, sending them crashing to the floor. He takes that hand and wraps it around her throat as he looks directly into her tear filled eyes.

A voice coming from the door suddenly calls out. "Eldritch."

Eldritch lifts his head to the sound then lets go of Chuck. She looks in the same direction and sees Andy standing there with a piece of paper in one hand and a camera in the other.

Eldritch claps once, regaining his composure. "Perfect timing." He's trying not to sound angry, but he's failing. "Come in, Andy." Eldritch grips Chuck's arm harshly and pulls her up from her seat. He wraps his arm around her back and squeezes her into him. "Give her the paper."

Andy obeys and hands Chuck the sheet. For a moment, he looks into her eyes with sympathy, but it's fleeting. He stands back and casts his eyes down, waiting for more orders.

"Hold the paper up," Eldritch commands o Chuck and she does as she's told. "Take the picture, Andy."

Andy lifts the camera and presses the shutter button.

Eldritch leaves Chuck's side to inspect the picture that Andy had just taken. As he does, Chuck turns the paper in her hands around and starts to read the page. It says, " _There are some things that it is better to begin than to refuse, even though the end may be dark._ " And it's in Negan's handwriting.

She smiles, not only because she's holding a token from Negan, but because of what the words mean. It's a quote from Lord of the Rings, from when Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli are trying to rescue Merry and Pippin after they were kidnapped by orcs.

 _I think Negan's telling me he'll come for me. He's going to find me and rescue me._

She smiles wider at the thought of her husband. But it is short lived as Eldritch rips the page from her hand.

"What does it mean?" he growls.

"It-It's a quote from my favorite book," she explains, leaving out the secret message that Negan has sent her.

Eldritch chuckles darkly before throwing the page to the ground. "How sweet," he says sarcastically before he grabs Chuck by the arm again and pulls her to exit the room. As they pass Andy, still standing in the same spot, Eldritch calls out over his shoulder, "Clean that mess up."

As soon as Eldritch opens Chuck's door, he shoves her in, making her stumble slightly. He pulls her up straight and unzips her dress, then shoves it down harshly.

"Turn around," he demands and Chuck obeys.

She covers herself as much as she can, but she still feels so exposed under his gaze.

"Take the rest off."

Chuck's breathing hitches. "Please don't-"

"Off!"

She goes to turn around, but he pulls on her arm to stop her. Tears stream down her cheeks as she looks up at him, trying to get him to empathize with her even just a little. But there is nothing like that in his gaze. His icy blue eyes reflect a predatory glint that has Chuck trembling even more.

Chuck takes a tiny step back and slowly unlatches her bra, allowing it to fall after she covers her breasts with her other arm. Even though she doesn't want to even look at Eldritch, she stares in his eyes in an attempt to get him to see her as an actual person and not an object. He holds the eye contact until his eyes start to wander. Chuck wants this over with, so she removes her underwear quickly and covers herself with the other hand.

Eldritch stares at her body for a long while. Long enough that it has Chuck's anxiety spiking.

"Please don't hurt my baby," she pleads quietly.

Eldritch's eyes instantly snap to hers then he walks closer to her. Chuck can't stand it, being that close to him. She squeezes her eyes shut waiting for whatever is going to happen to happen. But when she hears the door open and slam shut, she opens her eyes. Eldritch is gone and he took her discarded clothes, leaving only the familiar nightgown on the bed.

— Negan's POV —

I'm back on the road the next morning headed out to meet Eldritch's fuckin' guy to pick up my picture of Chuck with my usual four guys in the car with me. But we're not in our fuckin' normal car. Since Eldritch and his men believe that we don't have any fuckin' weapons, we've suped up the car with all kinds of fuckin' hiding places and filled them with guns and ammo. Because there's no fuckin' way I'm going anywhere without goddamn protection. Besides, Eldritch's guys have never searched our vehicle, so why the fuck would they start now?

We pull up and go through the familiar fuckin' routine. Instead of being met by Eldritch, though, it's some other fuckin' douchebag with an equally smug goddamn grin on his ugly ass face. He hands me the picture and I'm fuckin' pissed at what I see.

Eldritch has his arm wrapped tightly around Chuck. It makes my fuckin' blood boil that he has his hand on her. Even more so when I see that her cheeks are wet from crying.

I shove the picture in my pocket and turn to fuckin' leave without saying shit. If I stay here one more goddamn second, I'm gonna kill every motherfucker here.

"Six days, Negan," the guy taunts me, but I don't fuckin' acknowledge it. I just keep fuckin' walking back to the car.

The drive back home seems so fuckin' long today. And I feel like utter shit, mentally and physically. At any second it feels like I could simultaneously scream my lungs out and fall asleep. I haven't slept much in the last few days. And fuckin' eating hasn't been a priority, either. Just what Simon puts in front of me and forces me to eat.

We pull back into The Sanctuary and I don't say a fuckin' thing to anyone. I walk through the halls, fuckin' ignoring everyone and everything around me. When I make it onto my floor, I go straight into my bedroom. There's no one up here now. Even the cats got moved downstairs with the wives. Well, _former_ wives.

This place is empty. Dead. And it sure as fuck feels that way. Especially without Chuck.

I walk through my door and pause by my nightstand. The other Polaroids of Chuck are propped up on the base of my lamp there. I dig the newest picture out of my pocket and set it beside the others, running my eyes over them. It fills me with fuckin' rage to look at them. To see that she's upset. To know I can't take care of her right now. But I still need to see her.

"I'm gonna get you back, baby girl. I promise," I whisper and run my finger over her face in the newest picture.

I turn and set Lucille on my side of the bed, her barbed wire resting on my fuckin' pillow, but I don't care about it right now. Pulling my glove off, I walk over to my coffee table to set it there then throw my jacket on the couch. I must look like one of the fuckin' walking dead shuffling around like this. But I'm just so fucking tired.

I find myself standing in front of the crib in the nursery, blood still on the fuckin' wall, ruined carpet still blood stained in the center. I turn my head and see Chuck's rocking chair with the blanket she knitted sitting on it. She had given it to me when she got it fuckin' done. Told me to put it where it belonged.

I bend down to pick it up. God, it still smells like her. I press it into my face and breathe it in deep. Fuck, I start to sob. Fuckin' _sob_. My wails muffled by the blanket. I haven't fuckin cried like this since I watched Lucille take her last goddamn breath.

Fuck.

After I get that shit out of my system, I bring the blanket back out to my room and lay with it on Chuck's side of the bed. I clutch the blanket to my fuckin' body as the last of my tears drip down my face and leave wet spots on the pillow.

I must've nodded off because I'm fuckin' dreaming now. I know I am. It happens every once in a while, usually when something fuckin' outlandish happens that clues me off to this not being fuckin' real.

I know I'm fuckin' dreaming in this one because I'm walking into my old house and the world isn't turned to shit. Plus, I've had this exact dream before, many times. Just not in the last few years. Not since I started to build The Sanctuary.

I walk into my kitchen and see two kids, a boy and a girl, sitting at the table working on their homework. _My_ kids. The kids I never had but always wanted. As I walk past the boy, who's about nine, I ruffle his black hair.

"Daaad!" he yells and tries to get his hair back in place.

"You get into trouble today?" I throw over my shoulder as I open my fridge to get out a beer.

He doesn't fuckin' answer me, so I turn to look at him. He gives me that same innocent look I'm sure I've given his mother a million fuckin' times. It doesn't help that he looks just fuckin' like me. All except the gray eyes he somehow got from _my_ mother.

I give him a stern look. "What'd you do?"

"It was Danny's fault. He was being a dickhead!"

"Hey! Watch your fuckin' language!" I correct him quickly.

"Well, he was," he mutters under his breath.

His sister beside him, who's about twelve, giggles and I look at her. She's covering her mouth with her hands, trying not to laugh, but I can see her dimples sucking into her cheeks. Thant's the only thing she got from me. The rest of her is a spitting image of her mom. All wild red hair, chubby cheeks, and freckles. And big green eyes.

 _Green_ eyes. They were always blue before.

I walk over and kiss her on the top of the head. "Where's your mom?"

"Doing laundry," she answers.

I take another swig of my fuckin' beer and set it on the counter before I head to the laundry room.

This is where I always wake up. But I don't this time. I go down the hallway to a laundry room that we didn't fuckin' have in this house since the washer and dryer were in the fuckin' garage. Before I get to the room, I hear her voice singing softly. A song she always seems to sing when she thinks no one is around her. I don't even know what the fuck it is, but I have it memorized just the way she sings it.

It's my most favorite sound.

I get to the doorway and stop. I don't fuckin' want to. I want to rush in and hold her. Just stay there with her like this and never wake up.

But I can't for some fuckin' reason. I just stand in the doorway and look at her. Look at her belly which looks like it's about eight months pregnant, much bigger than the last time I saw it. Somehow, there's a window behind her letting the sunlight go through her hair as it falls around her shoulders. And it's the most beautiful sight I think I've ever fuckin' seen.

"Chuck?" I call out, but she doesn't turn to me. "Chuck?" I try again, but she doesn't hear me. "Chuck, please."

A voice comes from behind me. "Negan." It's not Chuck's voice. It doesn't have the same sweet, pleasant tone hers has. It's deeper, has a rasp to it. But it did always soothe me.

"Negan," she says again and I turn around.

"Lucille," I answer.

I always fuckin' hate dreaming about her. Mainly because she always looks like she did the last time I saw her. When she was dying in her hospital bed. Bald. Eighty five pounds. Grey skin. Sunken features. I hate thinking about her that way.

But how she is standing before me isn't fuckin' like that. She looks like she did a few years before she died. Healthy. Smiling. _Alive_. Hair in a ponytail and wearing the outfit she always wore when she gardened. With those short black pants that were too short for pants and too long for shorts that I can never remember what she called. And that floral short sleeved shirt in pink that I always thought made her look so cute.

"I've missed you, Negan," she says with a smile.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Lucille," is all I can say.

She quirks her head to the side. "Why are you sorry?"

"For fucking everything up. For being the worst goddamn husband until it was too late."

"Oh, Negan." She puts her hand on my cheek and I swear I fuckin' feel it as if it was real.

"Are you punishing me?" I whisper.

"I'm not punishing you, Negan. You and I both know that no one could punish you more than you punish yourself."

I look down. "I _should_ be punished."

She lifts my face to look at her. "You made mistakes. I did, too. But I never loved you any less."

"I never deserved you. You were always too good for me."

She smiles. "If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing."

I look into her eyes. Those piercing blue eyes I always loved. "Would you want me to fall in love again?"

"Of course," she answers like it's obvious. "I want you to be happy."

"Would you want me to have a kid with her?"

She grabs ahold of my face with both hands. " _Yes_ , Negan. I wanted for you to be a father more than anything. I wanted to give that to you. But I couldn't."

"Don't blame yourself," I tell her quickly.

"It wasn't _meant_ for us. But it was meant for you and her."

"I don't believe in that shit."

Her lips quirk up in a smirk. "Just because you don't believe it, doesn't mean it's not true."

"You're just saying what I want to hear. You're just that fuckin' voice in my head trying to make me feel better about being a fuckin' asshole."

She tilts her head and purses her lips in that way she always did when she was gonna call me out on my bullshit. "Since when has the voice in your head ever made you feel any better?"

I shrug weakly. "Never. But you're still just a dream."

She rubs my cheek softly. "I'm not just a dream, Negan. I'm here to give you strength. The strength to get through this. And I'll always be here for you."

I stare at her, not knowing if that's fuckin' true. This feels fuckin' real. More real than any other dream I've had. But it can't be. Can it?

She moves her hands down to grab ahold of my own. "You're _good_ with her, Negan. She saved you just as much as you saved her. Even if you don't see it that way. She brought _you_ back to life. The _real_ you. Not the man you became after I died. And I love her for that."

I look away again. "I might not ever see her again."

She moves my face back to hers. "You will."

"You can't know that."

"It's already happening."

I scrunch up my face in confusion. "What is?"

Before she can answer, Chuck's voice calls out from behind me. She sounds fuckin' scared.

"Negan!"

I flip around and the sight jolts me fuckin' awake. But it sticks in my brain for a few seconds. It's not the way Chuck looked just a little bit ago folding towels and just about ready to pop. No. It's more the way she looks now. And she's barefoot and wearing that goddamn white night dress. But she's covered in blood.

As I become more aware, I realize that I have Lucille grasped in one hand and the blanket clutched to my chest in the other. And it's dark in my room. I guess I slept until after sundown.

I jump a little when my lamp flicks on and I see Simon standing there.

"You okay, brother?" he asks quietly.

"Shit," I growl and drop Lucille to the bed to rub at my eyes.

Simon takes a deep breath. "Something's happening."

"Happening?" I repeat and sit up more fully. That's what Lucille said in my dream.

"The guys on the tunnel said a bunch of cars came speeding out like a bat outta hell and went in all directions. I got guys posted all along the fence waiting for an attack."

"Attack?" I'm finally fully awake. "Anyone see anything yet?"

"Not yet."

"Why would Eldritch fuckin' attack now when he thinks he's gonna get more shit from us."

"I don't know. What else could it be?"

I scratch at my chin. "I don't fuckin' know. Keep the guys on alert just in case. But I don't think this is an attack."

He puts his hand on my shoulder. "I'll deal with it, brother. Just rest up, okay?"

I nod. Normally I would push through my own shit to take care of everything myself, but that dream has me fuckin' shaken.

Simon leaves and I just sit there trying to make sense of everything. What was Lucille talking about? In my dream she said something was happening. And then something _is_ happening. Am I in-fucking-sane for even listening to a goddamn dream? Maybe I just want to believe that this'll all be fuckin' over soon and I'll get my girl back. You know, grasping at straws.

I let out a sigh and shift my fuckin' legs causing Lucille to roll off the bed and fall to the floor. As I lean over the goddamn bed to pick her up, the baby blanket falls from the bed, too and completely covers Lucille. I pick them both up, one in each hand and stare at them.

I shift my eyes from the blanket to Lucille, then raise my head to the ceiling with closed eyes. "Lucille, give me strength," I whisper.


	51. Chapter 51

Chuck wraps her blanket around her and watches from her window as the sun comes up. Her nerves had kept her from sleeping after what happened at dinner last night. Eldritch had scared Chuck more than she ever had been before. But Chuck wasn't really scared for herself; she was scared for her baby.

More than anything she wants to get out of this so she can keep her baby safe.

Her daily oatmeal comes about a couple hours later. Despite the fact that she doesn't have much of an appetite, she makes sure to finish it all. She didn't eat much last night and she won't get anything else to eat until dinner later. No matter how she feels, she knows she needs to eat enough for the baby.

After her empty bowl is taken away, she curls up in her bed under her scratchy blanket to actually try to get some sleep. Because what else is she going to do? There is literally nothing in her room for her to occupy her time with. The hours spent awake last night must have affected her because it doesn't take long for her to fall asleep.

Some time later, she gets woken up by a gentle shaking of her shoulder.

"Chuck," a voice whispers beside her. "Chuck, wake up."

Chuck opens her eyes and jolts more fully awake when she sees Andy crouched beside her cot.

He instantly covers her mouth and brings his pointer finger up to his lips. "Shh," he whispers. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I want to get you out of here." He slowly takes his hand off of her mouth.

"You're going to help me?" she asks quietly.

"What happened last night..." He shakes his head. "It's not right. Eldritch is going to hurt you if you stay here."

Chuck looks into his eyes and sees no reason not to trust him. "How can we get out?"

He stands up and holds his hand out to help her get out of the bed. Chuck pushes the blanket off of her and stands up with his help.

"Where are your clothes?" He starts to look around the room as if he's searching for them.

"I don't have any other clothes. This is all Eldritch gave me."

"Shit." He finds her slippers and throws them down to her feet. "We don't have time to get you anything. Most of the guys are in the conference room waiting to get word back on Negan, so we should leave now."

"Eldritch is meeting with Negan right now?" Chuck asks as she toes the slippers on. Eldritch usually told her when he was going to meet with him.

"No. Eldritch is here. But after yesterday, Negan wants daily pictures of you, so someone got sent out with the picture I took last night," he explains with regret on his face. "Eldritch is excited to see how Negan reacts to it."

Chuck nods. "How are we gonna get out of here?"

"We just need to get to the stairwell. All the guys are on the top two floors, so if we can get past that, we can get down to the basement pretty easily."

"We can get past the dead through the basement?" Chuck asks, knowing that Eldritch and his men aren't the only threat here. They also need to get around the massive herd of dead surrounding the building, as well.

Andy begins to explain. "There's a tunnel in the basement that leads away from the building. It's how we get in and out." He opens her door slightly and peeks out. "We need to leave now before someone comes to check on you." He takes Chuck by the hand and leads her through the door quietly, but quickly.

They move through the hallway in the opposite direction of the conference room where the meeting is being held, trying to be as fast and quiet as possible. When they are just about to the stairwell, they hear people just beyond the door. As quickly as they can, they duck into a large room filled with empty cubicles and wait until the coast is clear.

After a few minutes, they get to the stairwell and descend the stairs all the way down to the first floor. Because everyone is on the upper floors, they no longer have to be as quiet and careful, so they rush around to a back stairwell. Not that anyone would be able to hear them anyway. The sound of the dead outside is almost deafening from this close.

When they get to the door, Andy carefully opens it and they descend a staircase to emerge into a subterranean tunnel.

"There's guys at the end where the garage is," Andy explains quietly as they move further in the tunnel.

"How are we gonna get past them?"

"We're not. There's like a maintenance shaft up that way." He points to where he's talking about. "I found it not long after I got here." He turns back to look at her. "I was keeping my options open, just in case..." He shrugs.

They walk down a short hallway off the main one and get to a door. Andy rushes Chuck through it then closes the door behind them. They are in a small room and the only thing in it is a ladder leading up to a manhole.

Andy turns back to Chuck. "I'm not even sure if anyone knows this is here. No one ever watches it." He moves to put his foot on the first rung. "Stay here until I check it out, though. Just in case. I'll make sure it's safe for you then I'll call down." He climbs the ladder and moves the manhole cover as slowly as possible, in case someone is actually watching it. It must be clear enough, because he exits the hole.

Chuck waits for his signal, but it takes a while. She strains her ears to listen for any possible voices to indicate that Eldritch's men had found Andy, but she doesn't hear any. She does start to hear some shuffling and then possibly growls of the dead, which scares her a little. If the dead start to pour in, she'd have no choice but to go back into the building. Back to Eldritch. That doesn't happen, though, because several minutes later, Andy pops his head into the hole and gestures for her to come up.

When she gets to the surface, she sees about ten biters littering the ground around them. Apparently, that's what delayed Andy.

"Are you okay?" Chuck asks him.

"I'm fine. I sprained my ankle kicking that one's brains in, though." He points to one of the dead.

"Do you want me to look at it?"

"Nah. We should get moving."

The manhole exited into dense woods and they continue to maneuver through the trees for a while, albeit a little slowly because of Andy's injured ankle.

Chuck wraps her arms around herself, trying to keep warm. Her thin nightgown does nothing to shield her from the chilly November temperatures. Not to mention the fact that that's literally _all_ she's wearing since Eldritch had taken away her bra and underwear last night.

"Maybe if we find a road, it'll be easier on your ankle," Chuck suggests.

Andy turns his head to look back at her. He immediately starts to take his jacket off upon seeing her shivering. "Here." He holds the garment out to her.

She accepts it. "Thanks." She throws the jacket on and instantly melts into its warmth.

"I want to avoid the roads," he answers her previous thought as he turns back and keeps walking. "I don't know when Eldritch will realize that you're gone. But when he does, he'll send people out to find you. We'll be safer in the woods."

"You don't happen to have one of Negan's radios to get in touch with him, would you?" Chuck asks hopefully, but knowing that it's a long shot.

"No," he answers with a sigh. "Eldritch destroyed them when me and Conner first got here. He said he didn't trust them." He wipes at his brow. "Or maybe he didn't trust _us_."

"How long will it take us to get to The Sanctuary."

"We're not going there. Alexandria's closer. It should be about nine miles away. Besides, Eldritch will expect us to head back home. This way's safer."

That makes sense, but it still makes Chuck a little sad. All she wants is to go home.

They walk for a little while more, until they encounter some of the dead. Andy starts to take them out with his knife, but more keep coming. One comes after Chuck, but Andy is busy with two more that are closer to him. Chuck searches around her for a weapon and finds a sturdy branch that she swings as hard as she can into the rotting corpse's head. It falls limp to the ground in two hits. She turns back to Andy and takes out one of the ones he was struggling with just as he plunges his knife into the other's temple. They both fall to the ground at the same time.

"Thanks," he says with a huff of his breath.

"You're welcome," she replies with a smile.

"Let's take a little rest," Andy says, though he's out of breath.

"Yeah, okay."

Chuck feels almost bad. Here Andy is, risking his life to get her home with no personal gain. And it's dangerous. He's already taken out maybe twenty biters all with just a knife, just to keep Chuck safe.

"Thank you," Chuck genuinely says to Andy as he leans back on a tree. "For doing all of this."

Andy nods slowly. "You don't need to thank me. I'm just doing the right thing."

"But doing the right thing can be difficult. So I'm thanking you."

He looks away. "You were right before. I never should've followed Conner. I knew deep down that he wasn't the same. He wasn't my brother anymore. Not the brother I always knew." He scrubs his hand down his cheek. "I'm not sure when he started to change. It was before you..." he looks away for a moment, not finishing the sentence. "But he blamed you for everything anyway. I should've stood up to him. None of this would have happened if I did." He let's out a sigh.

"It's not your fault. Conner's your brother. That's not a bond you can easily break."

He casts his head down. "I know what's going to happen to my brother. Negan is going to win all this because he always does. And he'll kill Conner." He looks up to Chuck. "I'm okay with that."

"You don't know..." she tries to say the words to make Andy feel better, but she knows it's true, too. Negan will kill Conner for what he did. And he'll probably want to kill Andy, too. But she won't let that happen. She'll convince Negan that Andy shouldn't be punished.

"Come on." Andy pushes off the tree. "We should keep moving."

They continue walking in the woods for a while longer. But when they encounter and fight off a few more dead, Andy slows down much more. Reluctantly, they emerge from the woods to follow a road bordering a residential area. The more even ground should allow them to move much more quickly.

"Let me look at your ankle," Chuck prods as they walk on the road. Andy has a very visible limp now and Chuck wants to help him.

"I'm fine. It's just sore. Besides, there's nothing you can do." He looks over to her with a serious expression, but it turns lighter. "Unless you have some ice packs and ace bandages up your sleeve."

She chuckles. "I guess not. Maybe we should find a car-"

"Shh!" He stops dead in his tracks and seems to listen to something for a moment. "Move!" He suddenly yells and grabs Chuck by the arm to pull her off the road and into the woods. Just a moment later, a truck comes flying around the bend and slams on its brakes, screeching to a halt not far from where Chuck and Andy were just standing.

Chuck and Andy run off into the woods, but Chuck slips and falls down a steep embankment, sliding on her legs and butt more than tumbling, but still losing her slippers in the process. When she gets up and dusts herself off, she thinks that she's alone by the bank of a stream.

She's startled when Andy comes out of nowhere and grabs her arm to lead her further away. Their progress is halted, however, by the tutting of their pursuer.

"Ah ah ah," the teasing voice comes from behind them and they turn to see Conner with his gun pointed at them. "Keep your hands away from your gun, Andy."

Andy pushes Chuck behind him, but she can still peek around him to watch Conner. Andy holds his hand out and away from the gun on his hip, just like Conner said.

"Come on, little brother," Conner goads. "Just give her to me and we can head back like nothing happened."

Andy shakes his head. "It's not right."

Conner chuckles without humor. "You were always too soft."

"This isn't how it should be!" Andy tries to convince his older brother. "We can be better! Negan is right. We should be working with-"

"No!" Conner cuts him off and takes a step towards them. "It's all or nothing and you _know_ that! You've seen it."

"It doesn't have to be!"

"Shut up!" Conner takes a breath to calm down. "Shut up and give her to me."

"I'm not gonna let you take her back to him. You know he'll never give her back to Negan!"

Chuck tenses at hearing that. The thought of never being with Negan again scares her to death.

"So what!" Conner yells. "You need to stop being so fucking naive! _This_ is how the world works now! And she's not worth it!"

"No!" Andy shakes his head vehemently. "I'll stop you from taking her if it's the last thing I do," Andy calls out with so much conviction.

Conner stares at Andy for a moment, then shakes his head in disgust. "You stupid son of a bitch." He chuckles humorlessly. "You got bit coming out here, didn't you?"

Andy doesn't say anything, but it's answer enough.

"You got bit because of that stupid bitch!?" Conner yells in anger.

Chuck moves in closer to Andy and sets her forehead on his back. It makes sense now. Why Andy was slowing down so much. Why he wouldn't let Chuck look at his ankle. It breaks her heart. She didn't want Andy to get hurt. And she certainly didn't wan him to die.

When she pulls away from him, she feels that he has a gun tucked into the back of his pants. She slowly removes it, knowing that Conner can't see what she's doing. She's thinking that maybe she can pass the gun to Andy somehow. To get them both out of this.

"It doesn't matter, Conner," Andy responds. "I'm still going to stop you."

The way Conner sighs makes Chuck know exactly what's going to happen next. And she's running out of time.

"You're already dead, little brother."

Just as Conner raises his gun to shoot Andy, Chuck steps out and fires the weapon in her hands. The bullet tears through Conner's neck and he stumbles backwards, dropping the gun he was holding. Chuck recognizes instantly that the bullet must've nicked his carotid artery. Conner brings both hands up to his neck to stop the flow of blood from his wound, then falls backward to lay on the ground.

Chuck runs out from behind Andy and throws Conner's discarded gun further away from him. She then drops to her knees beside him, using her hands to put more pressure on his wound.

"Come here, Andy! I can save him!" She knows there is only a slim chance that he will survive, his blood is spurting out in torrents, staining her hands and clothes. But she has to try. No matter how bad Conner is, Chuck can't fathom being the one to cut his life short. "Andy-"

Her words are cut short by a shot ringing out very close to her, making her ears ring. Instantly, Conner's blood stops gushing and Chuck sees the cause. There is now a bullet hole in Conner's forehead. Her eyes move up to see Andy with a gun still pointed down toward Conner.

"Why'd you do that?!" she cries almost angrily. "I could've saved him."

"No you couldn't." Andy stumbles backward and slumps down on a tree.

"Andy!" Chuck rushes over to him.

"Guess I'm one of the lucky ones the virus works fast on." He chuckles a little, though it's not funny.

"Why didn't you tell me? We could've done something. Amputated your foot to stop the spread." Chuck feels her eyes well up.

"I wouldn't have gotten you out if we did."

Her tears start to flow. "We could've tried."

"You need to go." He tries to push her to stand.

"No. We can go together." She tries to pull him up with her.

He pushes her hands off of him. "I'm slowing you down. And I fucked up my ribs when I fell down that hill. You'll be faster without me."

She kneels back down to be ay eye level with him. "I don't care! I'm not leaving you here to die alone." In the back of her mind, she knows she's being irrational. But she just can't leave him. Not after what he did for her. He gave her a chance.

"Just go, Chuck. The gunshot will probably attract the dead."

"No! You can't make me leave without you!" All she wants is for him to get up and keep going. If he does, she can try to forget the fact that he's going to die.

Andy looks at her for a moment then sighs. "Promise me you'll take my gun."

"What?" she asks in confusion.

"Just promise that you'll take my gun with you."

He seems almost upset, so she agrees, wanting to say anything to get him to keep going. "Okay. I'll take the gun."

He nods and smiles at her. "I'm sorry, Chuck."

Before Chuck even realizes what's going on, Andy raises the gun in his hand and puts it to his head, pulling the trigger. He slumps forward and into Chuck's arms, all life leaving him.

"Andy! No! Andy!" She holds him to her chest and sobs. "Why did you do that?" She rocks him back and forth. "I'm so sorry, Andy."

She's not sure how long she holds him, crying herself out. But when she starts to hear some biters approaching, she gently lays Andy down and picks up his gun, just like he asked her to. She takes off Andy's belt, along with his holster and knife with its sheath and puts it around her waist.

By the time she's done all that, the dead are getting close. And there are a lot of them. She starts to run from the scene and to the direction of the road, all the while trying to keep it together. She has this strange calmness to her that surprises even her. Like she had made a deal with herself to delay her emotions until it was safe to let them flow.

When she gets to the road, she starts to follow it in the direction she and Andy were originally headed, though she's more walking beside the road then on it in case more cars approach. Even though the rough terrain is tearing at her bare feet. She curses herself for not taking Andy's shoes. Then she curses herself for even thinking that.

When the sun starts to set, Chuck knows she has to find a place to stay for the night. It is already starting to get much colder and the temperature will only continue to drop. Plus, she doesn't exactly know where she is. She knows that Alexandria should be in the direction that she's been heading, but she was hoping to see some signs for it for more definite directions. But any signs will be impossible to see in the dark.

She's not exactly in a good place to stay the night, being surrounded by forest. There is no way she can spend the night outdoors with absolutely no provisions. But further up ahead, she sees that there is a car in a ditch. If she's lucky, it may be unlocked.

She cautiously approaches the car in case there is a biter inside, but finds it empty. Tugging on the driver's side door, Chuck is relieved to see that it comes right open. But that's where her luck ends because there is absolutely nothing else in the car. No food. No water. No blankets. Nothing. But at least she can sleep fairly safely in the car with the doors locked.

Chuck crawls into the back seat and tries to curl her legs up under the jacket Andy had given her to keep warm. The car actually does shield her some from the cold air and she's able to get somewhat comfortable on the seat.

Chuck sleeps off and on most of the night. She _is_ tired, but she finds herself jolting awake as soon as she gets to sleep. At some point late in the night when she's somewhere in between sleeping and awake, she ends up remembering something that she had completely forgot about.

— Chuck's POV —

— 7 years ago —

The door to Coach Negan's office is agar, but he's not in there. I know he should be around, though. School just let out, but the teachers always stay a bit longer. _I'm_ only still here because my mom texted me at the last minute to tell me that she had to work over and won't be able to pick me up. And because I'm on crutches and can't get around quickly, I missed the bus.

Now I have to wait around for my mom to get done so she can take me home. I was just going to wait around outside, but it started to rain. Just my luck. I figured Coach Negan wouldn't mind if I hung around.

I push the door open and hobble into the room, plopping myself in the chair in front of his desk to wait for him. I don't know what he's doing that's taking so long, but I start to get bored so my eyes start to wander around his room. A loose picture on his desk jumps out as interesting, so I slide it over to me to inspect it.

It's old. Looks like it's from maybe the sixties or seventies. It's of a beautiful young woman with straight long, jet black hair parted down the middle. I smile when I realize that this must be Negan's mom, because she looks very similar to him, dimples and all. But she has lighter eyes instead of his dark ones, making her look more angelic. I flip the picture over to see pretty handwriting spelling out "Madeline 18yo".

"What the fuck are you doing in here?" Negan calls out from the doorway, startling me.

I let out a yip and quickly put the picture back on his desk. "Sorry, Coach."

He laughs. "Calm the fuck down," he says not in a serious way and comes in further to sit behind his desk. "But seriously, what the fuck are you doing here? I told you we weren't meeting here anymore."

"I didn't think that meant that I couldn't _ever_ be in here."

He stares at me because I haven't actually answered his question.

I let out a sigh. "My mom's gonna be late picking me up and it's raining outside, so I thought I could wait with you until you leave. But if you want me to just wait outside..." I start to get up, but he stops me.

"Sit the fuck down," he says quickly. "I'm not gonna make you stand out in the goddamn rain. When's your mom gonna get here?"

I sit back down in the chair. "She said like seven."

He stares at me and huffs out a breath from his nose. "Text your mom and see if it's fuckin' okay for me to take you home."

"She's not gonna mind."

"Just fuckin' text her."

"Fine." I get my phone out and text her to ask if it's okay for Negan to give me a ride. Just like I thought she would, she says okay. "She says she doesn't mind," I reply a little smugly. Since I was right.

"Show me."

I let out a huff and turn my phone back to him so he can read the text. As soon as I turn the phone back, I get another text from my mom saying that she wouldn't mind if Negan "gave her a ride". It makes me snort out a laugh. I'm so thankful that he didn't see that.

"What?" he asks at my reaction.

"Nothing," I'm quick to answer.

He narrows his eyes at me. "Whatever. I gotta do some shit before I leave, so I guess you're stuck here til I'm fuckin' done." He puts his glasses on then turns to his computer to type on it.

The fact that he's using only his pointer fingers on the keyboard makes me chuckle a little under my breath. Then when he starts to get frustrated with what he's doing, or _not_ doing, I guess, I start to laugh.

"What the fuck is so funny?"

"You're not very good with computers, are you?"

"No. I fuckin' hate computers. I was fine putting the grades in my fuckin' grade book with a fuckin' pen, but now I gotta put shit into this goddamn fuckin' program that never fucking works!"

I laugh again. "Do you want some help?"

He turns the monitor around so we both can see it and slides the keyboard over to me. When I realize that this program is linked to students' personal records, I start to feel a little guilty.

"I don't think I'm supposed to see this stuff, Coach."

"What the fuck are you gonna do with this information?"

I shrug. "I don't know. Nothing I guess."

"I trust you not to change anything. So fuckin' help me."

I end up explaining the program to him, because apparently no one really did, and put all the grades and stuff into it. It really doesn't take too long. Especially because _I_ don't have to stop and swear every other second.

"Well, are you ready to go?" he asks as he stands from the desk.

"Yeah."

We both gather all of our things and head out to his truck. He helps me get in, then throws my crutches in the back. I start to tell him where I live, but he says he remembers. Then, we head off.

"So, what does your mother do?" he turns his head to ask.

"She's a nurse. I guess someone had to leave early, so she has to stay over."

He nods. "I guess that's an important fuckin' job."

"She likes it."

We get to my house and he helps me out of his truck. After he brings me my crutches, he walks with me to my front door. When I struggle a little to unlock it because I have to juggle the keys and balance on my crutches, Negan takes the keys from my hand and unlocks it himself.

"Are you gonna be okay by yourself?" he asks as I go through the door.

"I'm eighteen. I think I can manage being on my own for a few hours."

He closes the door and sets the keys down on the table close by. "You got something to eat for dinner."

I throw my backpack on the couch and hobble to the kitchen. "I think there's some hot pockets in the freezer."

"Hot pockets?" he repeats with an incredulous tone. "I'll get you a pizza delivered."

Before I can say anything, Negan has his phone dialed and to his ear.

"Yeah. I need a pizza delivered to...?" He looks at me.

"775 Massapontax Church Road," I answer."

"775 Massapontax Church Road," he repeats into the phone. "Uh... medium pepperoni?" He looks to me and I nod. "Yeah. Thanks." He hangs up. "Twenty minutes," he says as he puts his phone away.

"Thanks. You didn't have to do that, though."

"I know."

I get into the refrigerator and pull out a jug of fruit punch, setting it on the counter. Before I can get to the cupboard with the cups, Negan gets in there and grabs two glasses, then pours the juice in both. When he turns to put the juice back in the refrigerator, I let out a huff.

"I can do things myself," I say with some attitude as I plop down on one of the stools at the counter.

He turns back to lift his glass to his mouth. "That's a funny way of saying 'thank you'." He downs the entire glass in one long drink.

I take a sip of my own. "Well, how would you feel if people kept taking things out of your hands and doing everything for you?"

"Fucking grateful! That shit sounds awesome!"

I scrunch up my face at him.

"Wait til you're older and no one does _shit_ for you. Then you'll fuckin' thank me."

What he says suddenly makes me realize that Negan is the closest thing I have to a friend. So when I move away to college, I'm gonna have no one. I really doubt Negan is going to want to hang around me after I graduate. I know he only cares about me because I'm his student and he's a good teacher. Once I'm not his student anymore, he'll move on and forget all about me.

"What?" his voice brings me from my thoughts.

"What what?"

"Your face looks weird."

"My face always looks weird," I joke.

"No. You look sad."

I shrug.

"If you don't want me to fuckin' help you out that much, I won't."

I shake my head. "It's not that. I don't mind you doing things for me, but I just want you to know that I can do them myself."

"I know you can. I don't think you're fuckin' stupid."

I nod.

He clears his throat. "So, you get your prom tickets yet," he changes the subject.

I laugh at him.

He narrows his eyes. "What?"

"Why on earth would I go to the prom?"

"Because you're a fuckin' senior and everyone goes to their senior prom."

"Losers like me don't go to their senior prom."

"You're not a loser."

I let out a breath. "So I should spend all kinds of money on tickets, hair, shoes, not to mention a _dress_ , just so I can sit around by myself and listen to crappy pop music that I can't stand?"

He shrugs. "Well, it's my fuckin' year to chaperone, so we could make fun of all the slutty dresses that really shouldn't pass the dress code and all the pathetic boys that have no fuckin' chance of getting _in_ those dresses."

"As fun as that sounds, I think I'll pass. Because when you're busy doing your chaperone thing, I'll be all alone."

"How the fuck would you be alone? That place is gonna be packed."

"I'm never more alone than when I'm with a bunch of people," I say with my eyes cast down. I really don't know why I said that out loud.

When he doesn't say anything, I look up at him. He's staring at me.

"What?" I ask.

"What the fuck do you mean 'what'? You can't just say shit like that and expect me not to worry about you."

I look back down. "You don't have to worry," I mutter.

"Goddamnit, Chuck," he says under his breath and scratches at the back of his neck. "What can I do?"

"What can you _do_?" I ask, confused at what he's saying.

"To make things better for you," he clarifies.

I have to look away because I can't look at him after he says that. This is all so embarrassing. I never really like to talk about how I feel with people. But what he said is also really touching at the same time.

I don't get to answer because the doorbell rings. Thankfully. Negan answers the door, pays the delivery guy, and brings the pizza back into the kitchen to set it on the counter. While he is doing that, I get out two plates.

"I don't need a plate. This is all for you, Chuck."

"You're not gonna eat with me?" I open the box and put two slices on my plate.

He stares at the food for a moment like he's debating. "Maybe one slice." He grabs one and starts to eat it without even putting it on the plate. "You need me to cut your pizza in little fuckin' bites so you don't choke," he jokes.

"Ha ha. Very funny." I take a bite and pretend to actually choke just to joke back at him.

"Shit!" Negan throws his crust on the counter and starts to rush over, but I laugh before he gets to me. "Jesus Christ, Chuck! You about gave me a heart attack. Now I really _am_ gonna cut your fuckin' food up."

I laugh. "Are you gonna do the whole plane-coming-in-for-a-landing thing?"

"Shit yeah, I am!"

"That's stupid!" I laugh harder.

" _You_ brought it up!"

After the laughs die down and more of the pizza gets eaten, Negan looks back at me with a more serious face. "Do you talk to your mom about that stuff? About you feeling alone?"

I sigh, not wanting to talk about this again. "I'm fine, Coach," I say instead of actually answering.

"I'm gonna talk to your mom."

"Please don't do that, Coach." I let out a huff. "She'll make a big deal out of it."

"It _is_ a big fuckin' deal, Chuck."

"It isn't. Doesn't _everybody_ feel alone some of the time?" I try to reason with him so he drops it.

"Is it 'some of the time' for you, or most of it?"

I look away. I don't want to tell him that the only times I don't feel alone are when I'm with him. I think he'd probably take it the wrong way, like I have a schoolgirl crush on him like all the other girls. But it's not like that. He just makes me feel... like I'm not weird or a freak. Like maybe there are people outside of my immediate family that would care about me.

"That's what I fuckin' thought." He takes my lack of answer as confirmation of what he said.

"I'm okay, though. Really. I mean, I'm actually better than I have been at some points. You really don't have to worry." I look up at him with wide eyes and hope he accepts what I'm saying.

He lets out a long sigh. "You can't fuckin' expect me to just stop wanting what's best for you."

I smile. "I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"Don't go fuckin' spreading around that I'm a nice guy."

I chuckle. "I won't. I'll make sure to complain about you in public."

"That's my good girl." He looks at his watch. "Shit. Lucille's gonna think I'm dead in a fuckin' ditch somewhere." He walks to the door, but turns back to me. "You can always fuckin' talk to me, Chuck."

"I know."

He gives me a smile. "See ya tomorrow." He walks through the door, leaving me feeling weird about what had happened.

— —

Chuck jolts fully awake again, only this time, her cheeks are wet with tears. That's all it takes for the floodgates to open. She sobs openly, letting out all of the emotions she's kept at bay for the last few days. It sends her into a panic attack. A pretty bad one. And Negan isn't there to help her through it.

Remembering the tempo of his heartbeat on her chest as he held her, she uses her fingers to tap the rhythm over her own heart. She focuses on it, counting the beats out under her breath. After some time, her own heartbeat slows to match the timing of her taps.

When she's calmed down, she still finds herself emotional. What happened to Andy is truly heartbreaking. He made a mistake and followed his brother, but he redeemed himself only to get bitten and die. Chuck lets out a heavy breath, not wanting to think about it and get worked up again. She wants to focus on the positive. That she's much closer to getting home than she was yesterday. That she could see Negan again in just a few hours.

Exhaustion finally wins out, and Chuck falls into a deep and dreamless sleep.


	52. Chapter 52

— Negan's POV —

I have no fuckin' idea why Eldritch's men hauled ass out of his compound yesterday. We stayed up all fuckin' night ready for an attack from them, but nothing ever happened. I even warned Hilltop and Alexandria to be on the fuckin' lookout, but they didn't see shit. I also radioed my guys watching Eldritch's compound to see if they started to move the fuckin' biters, because I do _not_ want a fuckin' surprise herd on my goddamn doorstep again. But the dead never fuckin' moved. So I'm fuckin' stumped about it.

Something got them all riled up, but fuck if I know what. I can only hope that it doesn't mean bad fuckin' news for Chuck.

As it is right now, I'm on the fuckin' road with my usual guys to pick up my picture. But I'm taking extra precautions. Namely, I've loaded the fuckin' car with extra guns. Well, _maybe_ it's not just for precaution sake... I know it's fuckin' dumb, but part of me is itching for a fight. All this shit is fuckin' getting to me and I'm like a goddamn powder keg ready to blow. I don't know how much fuckin' longer I can keep playing nice with Eldritch. I'm doing it to keep Chuck safe, I keep telling myself that, but my nerves are fuckin' fried. Not to mention that I feel like a goddamn pussy for not busting that fucker's head in every goddamn chance I get.

If I get another picture like the last one, I'm gonna fuckin' kill every motherfucker at that fort. I know it. I can't take seeing fucking Eldritch with his hand on my girl. And I can't take seeing her look like she just got fucking hurt.

"Maybe there was some sort of emergency," Arat breaks me out of my thoughts from her seat in the back. "Maybe Eldritch has guys posted away from his compound that were in trouble and that's why all his guys left yesterday."

I shake my head. I don't think that's what it was. If Eldritch wanted to have guys outside his compound, they would've occupied my fuckin' empty outposts. But they're still fuckin' empty. He hasn't done shit with them.

One of the other guys in the back throws his two cents in. "Nah. He's gearing up for something."

That sounds more goddamn likely. Just as I turn my body to address the guys in the back, I see a fuckin' car headed straight fuckin' for us coming from a side street. I don't even get a chance to say a goddamn thing before the car t-bones us on the back driver's side. Dwight overcorrects which causes us to fuckin' veer to the left and flip. I'm not sure how many times we go ass over end, but we end up on our fuckin' roof.

It takes a few seconds before I realize what's going on after we stop moving. I groan in fuckin' pain and look around. Me, Dwight, and Arat are all hanging upside down by our seatbelts. My other two guys weren't so lucky. One isn't even in the car anymore. I guess he got thrown out of one of the broken windows. And the other is so fuckin' mangled that I know he's fuckin' dead.

In my periphery, I see movement outside of my window. Some guys are coming toward us, but I can't really see who it is. Though I have a fuckin' feeling. And my feeling proves fuckin' correct when I hear a voice.

"You still alive in there, Negan?" Eldritch fuckin' yells in a teasing voice.

Arat groans behind me and unlatches her seatbelt, sending her to the floor with a thud. Well, the _roof_ , I guess.

"Can you fight?" I ask her quietly, still upside down myself. I can't get my hand to the goddamn button on the seatbelt to let me out.

"Yeah," she whispers back.

I can hear her moving around, no doubt looking for a fuckin' gun.

Eldritch's voice calls out again. "If you're not dead already, I'm gonna fucking kill you, Negan. You know that?" He's not messing around anymore. He's not trying to do that calm, smug shit he always does. Now he just sounds fuckin' unhinged. "And you better believe that I will make _damn_ sure that it'll be _after_ I kill all the rest of your people and burn that ugly fucking factory to the ground." He laughs like a fuckin' crazy person. "And I will make you _watch_ , Negan. Watch your people _die_. Watch your home _crumble_. And watch as I make that sweet girl of yours _mine_."

Gunshots ring out and some of Eldritch's fuckin' men fall to the ground. Arat was always a good fuckin' shot. And she keeps shooting, making Eldritch and his men still standing scramble behind their car. The car that's not totaled on the side of the road, that is.

"They got weapons in the back!" someone calls out.

"Not a man of your word, Negan!" Eldritch screams in a fuckin' rage.

Then, fuckin' bullets start to hit our car.

"Fuck!" I'm a sitting fuckin' duck like this. I somehow get my knife out of the sheath and cut my seatbelt off, making me fall like a sack of fuckin' potatoes onto my shoulders. I land on something and realize that it's a fuckin' rifle that must've come loose out of one of the hiding places in the crash. I get into position on my belly, sorta, and join Arat to shoot out of my broken fuckin' window at Eldritch and his men.

It doesn't fuckin' look like Eldritch has a lot of guys with him. And they're shooting fuckin' blind. Obviously they're not as well trained as my saviors.

I send a bullet right into one of their foreheads about the same time that Arat drops one with a shot to the heart. Eldritch is losing men fuckin' quick. I guess he fuckin' recognizes his predicament, because he and the rest of his guys get into his Escalade and speed off.

"Mother _fuck_!" I growl out. My adrenaline is still pumping, so I'm not feeling much pain, yet. But I suspect I'm gonna have some fuckin' injuries.

Arat shimmies out of her window and comes over to mine to help me get the fuck out. "You okay, sir?" she asks as she pulls me by the arm.

I crawl out then bend back down to get Lucille before I answer. "I'll live."

We both round the car to see about Dwight. He's out fuckin' cold, which isn't a good sign, so Arat kneels down to check for a pulse.

She looks up at me. "He's alive." She turns back to him. "Dwight. Dwight, wake up." She pats him on the face, but he doesn't wake up.

"Let's get him out." I hold onto Dwight as Arat crawls in the passenger's side to cut away his seatbelt. I feel his weight fall into my arms and awkwardly pull him out of the car. Before I get him back on the ground, he starts to groan. The movement must've finally fuckin' woke him up.

"Come on, Dwight," Arat says, coming back over to help me set him gently on the road. "Wake up."

"Ung." Dwight starts to open his eyes and looks around randomly. "Shit," he croaks.

"You gonna live?" I ask when his eyes finally focus on me.

"Ugh. My fuckin' ribs hurt," he rasps. "And my shoulder."

I pull his shirt up to inspect his fuckin' torso. He has an angry bruise forming across his chest from the seatbelt. Probably has a broken collarbone and busted ribs. Hopefully no internal bleeding, but there's no way for us to fuckin' know that yet.

"You'll live," I say to him, sounding more confident than I am.

Arat looks relieved. "I'm gonna check that other car." She walks away toward the car that hit us that's now crashed into the guide rail.

"You gonna be able to walk?" I ask Dwight. "Cuz we gotta get the fuck outta here."

He starts to get up, so I help him. "I can walk," he answers.

Arat comes back over to us. "Car's fucked. And two of Eldritch's guys are dead in the front."

"Dumbasses," I mutter then scrub my hand down my beard. "Alexandria's a few miles away. Guess we're hoofing it there."

We empty our car of weapons and start walking, but it's fuckin' slow. I end up having to practically carry Dwight most of the way, with Arat carrying the duffle with the guns behind us.

"Why'd he attack?" Dwight asks from beside me. "I thought he wanted tribute."

"I have no fuckin' idea." I answer.

Arat suggests, "You think he found out we kept the weapons from him and was pissed?"

"It didn't fuckin' seem like he knew we'd be fighting back." I let out a sigh. "We're probably gonna find out pretty fuckin' soon what all that was about. I'm fuckin' guessing this was just the goddamn beginning."

We finally walk up the road to Alexandria's gate. It opens before we even get there with Rick and Daryl walking out at first, then rushing over to us when they see we're fucked up.

"What happened?" Rick asks as Daryl takes Dwight from me. And I let him. I'm starting to feel that fuckin' car crash now.

"Eldritch fuckin' ambushed us on the way to the goddamn meet. T-boned us on the road." I bring my arm not holding Lucille around my waist when I get a fuckin' twinge of pain from my ribs.

Rick puts his arm around me and under my other arm to help lead me through the gate. "You okay?"

"I'll fuckin' live. I always do."

"We have a doctor now," Rick starts. "Well, he was a resident before the turn, but he's more of a medical doctor than Denise. Me and Carl found him a few days ago. His name's Siddiq. He can look you guys over."

"Get Dwight to him," I reply. "I need to get on the radio to call The Sanctuary."

"Let Siddiq check you out," Rick pleads a little. "You're moving pretty slow."

"I had to carry Dwight's ass for two miles. I'm just a little fuckin' tired." I push away from Rick, but I immediately regret it. I don't _think_ my ribs are broken, but they sure as fuck are bruised. Maybe cracked. Not that I'm gonna tell Rick any of that.

"Look, Negan." Rick clears his throat. "The Sanctuary radioed in a few hours ago. They said Eldritch's people tried to come in, but they fought them off."

"What?!" I yell.

Goddamn it! Eldritch must've had guys attack The Sanctuary after I got out of radio range! Then fuckin' attacked me, too!

I turn my head to glare at Rick. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me that in the first place?!" I trudge along as fast as I fuckin' can to get to their radio, but I'm in fuckin' pain so it's slow. Rick follows me the whole time, like he thinks I'm gonna fuckin' fall over and die any second.

"Negan," he starts again, "they said they fought them off. You really should just sit down for a minute."

I fuckin' ignore him and get on the radio to call out to my fuckin' home.

Laura answers. " _Negan? You're at Alexandria?_ "

"What the fuck is going on?" I need goddamn answers.

"Eldritch's guys tried to come in, but Simon wouldn't let them. They fired on us first, so he had to defend ourselves. Took a bunch of theirs out. Lost a few ourselves."

"God-fucking-damnit," I mutter to myself. "You still have your guys ready for an attack?" I direct at Rick."

"Yeah," he answers.

"Good. It's probably gonna fuckin' come to that. Soon, I'd fuckin' guess. "

" _Negan_ ," Simon's voice comes through the speaker. " _What's going on?_ "

"Eldritch attacked us on the road," I answer. "Me, Dwight, and Arat got to Alexandria."

" _Shit. I'm sorry, brother. They attacked us. We had to fight back._ " He sounds guilty. Like he thinks I got attacked because of what he did.

"It was coordinated, brother," I respond. "Eldritch didn't know I had weapons when he attacked us. It wasn't because of you."

" _What about Chuck?_ "

"I don't know," I answer truthfully. "All Eldritch's men retreat?" I change the subject. Because I can't think about her right now. About what all this could mean for her.

" _Yeah. They lost some men then cut and run._ "

"Fuckin' cowards," I say to myself. "They didn't know who they were fuckin' with." I hold down the button to speak to Simon again. "Did Eldritch start moving the fuckin' dead?"

" _No. I thought about that, too, so I called the guys watching Eldritch's compound. They said the dead haven't moved._ "

"Good. I'm gonna head out in a few so we can start to fuckin' discuss what the fuck it is that we're gonna do."

I really don't want to attack Eldritch's fuckin' compound while Chuck's still in there. Especially if I'm gonna use the fuckin' dead. And that's the only way I can see to get to the guys inside. Fuck.

" _Alright, brother. Stay safe._ "

I turn to Rick. "Is it okay if Dwight stays for a little bit."

"Yeah," Rick answers. "You should get checked out, too, before you leave."

"Jesus, Rick, I'm a married man. Maybe get off my dick."

Rick rolls his eyes and we walk back outside. As soon as we get on the street, though, we see people starting to scramble around. Including fuckin' Daryl, who runs right for us.

"What is it?" Rick asks quickly.

Daryl answers. "Lookouts said trucks are headed this way. Fast."

"God- _fucking_ -damnit! Eldritch is coming after me."

We all run to the gate and up to the guard towers to look down the road. Not long later, we start to see them.

"Here they come!" Rosita shouts.

— —

The sound of vehicles flying down the road and past Chuck's car wakes her up with a start. She keeps herself ducked down in the seat, though, not wanting anyone to see her. Because she assumes that procession of cars was Eldritch looking for her. Even if Conner hadn't told anyone that Andy had escaped with her yesterday, she knows that Eldritch would _have_ to know that they're all missing by now.

All the things that happened yesterday flash before her eyes, no matter how hard she tries to stop them. Shooting Conner. The way his blood flowed over her hands. The same blood that's still staining her coat. _Andy's_ coat.

Chuck feels her eyes sting with tears at the thought of him. "I'm sorry, Andy," she says aloud as she remembers how he felt lying lifeless in her arms. "You didn't deserve that. This is all my fault." She sobs even harder.

Before she can fall too deeply into her guilt, though, she feels a fluttering in her stomach. The same fluttering she had first felt several days ago.

Chuck sniffles and wipes her cheeks. "Oh, baby," she whispers to her belly as she rubs it, comforting herself in the process. "You're right." she wipes her eyes of the last of her tears and steels herself. "I gotta get you out of here."

Chuck carefully sits up and opens her door, stepping out onto the road. That first step is painful, her bare feet being all raw and sore from the walk yesterday. But she has to proceed.

The cars that had gone by were heading in the direction that she was going, which gives Chuck pause. She doesn't want to be caught on the road if those cars circle back, but she doesn't have much of a choice. The woods that surround the road are too harsh for her to walk on anymore. So as she heads down the edge of the road, she makes sure to keep her ears open for any vehicles approaching. If she hears one, she wants to make it to the woods quickly to hide.

As she walks, the wind seems to turn even colder, chilling her to the bone. She wraps her arms around herself to try to keep warm, but it's not helping much. Not only that, but her constant shivering seems to be slowing her down even more.

When a sign comes into view saying that Alexandria is two miles away, Chuck lets out a sigh of relief.

"Thank god," she says to herself and speeds up a little in excitement. As much as she can, anyway. She's tired, in pain, and definitely dehydrated. But every time she thinks about stopping or slowing down, every time sorrow threatens to overtake her, she feels that flutter in her belly as her baby moves and she pushes on.

The forest thins out into a residential area, which is potentially more dangerous. Any place that was more populated before tends to have more biters hanging around. Chuck had always avoided them when she was out here on her own after the turn. But she knows that she's getting close to Alexandria, so she hopes that they cleared the area, much like Negan has done around The Sanctuary.

Chuck isn't exactly sure where the settlement of Alexandria is. She's technically _in_ the city of Alexandria right now. Well, the Alexandria of before, anyway. But the _settlement_ of Alexandria just comprises one neighborhood. That's what Negan and Aaron had told her. They also told her that it has a wall around it made of metal sheeting, so that's what she's looking for.

While she's searching, gunshots ring out not too close, but not exactly that far away from her. She cautiously walks toward the noise, figuring that it's coming from Alexandria. Eldritch must be attacking them for some reason.

 _Maybe Eldritch knew I would go there and he's tearing the place up to get to me. Oh god. Maybe I should hang back._

 _But if Rick's people are as good of fighters as Negan has said, they should be able to hold their own. Right?_

Chuck decides to continue on in the direction of the firefight, despite her fears. Even after there's a large explosion, she pushes on, though she's being very careful not to be out in the open by ducking around cars and buildings.

She finally gets to where she can see the wall surrounding Alexandria. But instead of hearing gunshots anymore, she starts to hear cars start up. As fast as she can, Chuck runs around a house down the street to hide in the backyard and waits for everything to go quiet.

When Chuck's sure it's safe, she slinks out from behind the house and heads for the gate, albeit, pretty slowly. Even though her destination is in sight, her feet are dragging. She's willing her body forward, but it seems like it's failing her. She's simply running out of energy.

With her hands around her belly, she shuffles forward, staring down as one foot falls in front of the other. When she finally lifts her head, she sees the gate start to open about fifty yards away from her.

— Negan's POV —

Eldritch and his fuckin' men are driving down the street towards Alexandria. There's a truck out front, followed by a bunch of cars. And I immediately recognize what's gonna fuckin' happen. It seems like it's Eldritch's fuckin' MO.

"They'll ram the fuckin' fence!" I warn.

Sasha readies her rifle beside me. "Not if I can help it." She starts to shoot and, boy, does she make those bullets fuckin' count. I swear she gets the driver right between the eyes, his head practically fuckin' exploding across the window. Her next shot takes out the left front tire causing the now driverless truck to veer off and slam into one of the burned out buildings just outside the gates.

"Atta fuckin' girl!" I call out.

Rick's people, plus me and Arat, ready our weapons for a fuckin' fight as the rest of the cars pull up. But no one gets out, so we wait. Then Eldritch's fuckin' voice rings out through a goddamn bullhorn.

"I just want Negan, Rick," he says, smug as fuckin' ever. Like his plan is going off without a hitch, even though it definitely fuckin' isn't. I'm sure he's fuckin' pissed that I am wrecking shit for him. "There's no need for your people to die for him, Rick."

"You've taken this far enough," Rick calls out without hesitating. "Leave now and we won't be forced to fire on you."

"Rick, Rick, Rick," Eldritch tuts in a damn singsong way. "I was going to leave you alone. For the time being, anyways."

Eldritch's men start to fire, but the Alexandrians return it fuckin' quickly. And they aren't fucking around. Rick _said_ he had some fighters in his group, and he wasn't fuckin' lying. Eldritch's men start to drop like flies. Some of Rick's guys fall, too, but not as many by a long shot. It seems like Eldritch and his guys are fuckin' shitty in a fight. That's why he takes pot shots by using the fuckin' dead and ramming shit with fuckin' vehicles. And kidnapping innocent girls.

Outta fuckin' nowhere, one of Eldritch's cars fuckin' explodes. I turn my head to the other guard tower to see that huge ginger fuck, Abraham, with a goddamn rocket launcher on his shoulder.

"Fuck, yeah! You guys got a fuckin' RPG?! That's awesome!" I yell to him and he gives me a salute.

After that, Eldritch wisely tucks tail and fuckin' runs. With a few less people than he rolled up with.

Me and Rick climb down the towers leaving Sasha and Rosita on one and Abraham and Tara on the other.

"Watch out for walkers," Rick yells up to them. "All that noise'll attract them."

They all nod and turn their fuckin' eyes back to the road. The rest of the Alexandrians start to get their wounded to the sickbay, with Rick overseeing.

I'm just standing in the middle of everything trying not to fuckin' pass out. Now that the adrenaline of the attack is wearing the fuck off, I'm feeling like shit again. Goddamn, maybe I should go to the doctor.

Arat comes up to me. "You okay, sir?"

"Yeah. Fuckin' peachy," I growl out.

"Got a walker," Rosita proclaims as she raises her rifle to take it the fuck out. She lines up the fuckin' shot, but doesn't get the chance to take it.

Sasha quickly puts her hand on the barrel of Rosita's gun and pushes it down. "Wait!" She then raises her own gun up to look through her scope. "That's not a walker. She's alive."

"Looks like a walker to me," Rosita retorts.

Sasha seems to study whatever she's fuckin' seeing through her scope for a moment before she speaks again. "It's a girl. She's holding her stomach, but she's alive."

My whole body starts to buzz. I don't fuckin' know why.

There's no way... How could it possibly be...?

"She a redhead?" I call out as I move closer to Sasha. I don't know why I'm even fuckin' thinking it. It's just gonna break my damn heart when it ends up being someone else.

"Yeah." Sasha answers and I start to move before I really even process it.

"Open the fucking gate!" I don't even wait for anyone to do it. I rip the gate open and start running. "Chuck!" I can't see her. I can't see shit, I'm so fucking frantic. But then I hear her.

"Negan?!" It's my girl. It's my fucking girl!

I finally see her. She looks hurt. But she's running to me. Not fuckin' fast, but I make up the distance. I throw Lucille down and run flat out to get to her. When we meet, I throw my arms around her and pull her into me, lifting her off of her feet.

— —

As soon as Chuck hears Negan yell her name, she starts running.

"Negan?!" she screams.

Chuck can barely see him running towards her through her tears of joy. But when she feels his strong arms lifting her up and holding her tight, she knows she's safe.

"Negan!" she sobs into his shoulder.

"Fuck, baby girl." He kisses anywhere his lips can touch. "I love you so much, baby girl," he chokes out. He suddenly pulls away to look Chuck over, his eyes wildly scanning her body. "You're bleeding!" he cries as he looks at the blood staining her clothes.

"It's not mine!" she calls out. "I'm okay!"

He looks into her eyes. "You're okay?"

"I'm okay," she repeats.

"Fuck, I missed you so much." Negan kisses her fervently then falls to his knees. He hugs her torso tightly, crying tears of joy into her stomach as she wraps her arms around his head.

Chuck bends down to kiss the top of his head, her tears falling from her cheeks to land in his hair.

She's not sure how long they stood there holding each other, but when she finally looks up, there are two men along with Arat standing around them. And the man with the beard is carrying Lucille. He must be Rick, Chuck gathers. The other one, probably Daryl.

Rick starts to speak. "We should get her inside. The dead are starting to come out."

Negan wipes his face discretely and stands before turning back to him. Rick holds Lucille out to Negan, but he doesn't take her.

"Carry her in for me. And be fuckin' gentle about it." Negan turns back to Chuck and wraps his arms around her, lifting her up to carry her inside. She wraps her legs around him and allows him to cradle her in his arms as she buries her face in his neck.

Once they get inside the gate, Aaron comes running over. "Oh my god! Chucky!" He runs his hand over her head that's resting on Negan's shoulder as he holds her to his chest. "The doctor is this way." He turns to lead them, but Chuck's voice stops him.

"I'm okay. I just want to rest." The only thing Chuck wants is to be alone with Negan. She knows she's not really hurt; she just needs food, water, and rest. And she can take care of the minor cuts on her legs and feet by herself.

"See the doctor, baby girl," Negan pleads.

"Just give me a first aid kit. I'll deal with everything myself." She shifts to look into Negan's eyes. "Please, Negan. I just want you."

Negan lets out a huff. "You got a place for us, Rick?"

"Yeah. This way." He starts to lead them to a house. "This one's empty."

"I'll get the first aid kit." Aaron runs off in a different direction.

As they walk, Negan talks with Rick. "Call Simon and tell him Chuck's here. And get him to go over my plan with you to take that motherfucker down. I want that goddamn compound destroyed by sundown tomorrow."

"Yeah," Rick agrees. "I'll coordinate with him and get my people briefed. We're gonna help out. I don't want this guy living anywhere near us anymore."

When they get inside the house, Rick gently sets Lucille down on the coffee table. "If you guys need anything, just ask."

Aaron comes rushing in with the medical supplies and some clean clothes. "Here's the first aid kit. And clothes." He sets it all down and goes over to Chuck, still being held by Negan. "You sure you don't want to see the doctor?" he whispers as he tucks some of her hair behind her ear.

"Mmhmm," is how she answers.

"Okay, Chucky." Aaron kisses her on the head. "I love you." He turns and leaves with Rick trailing behind him.

Still holding Chuck, Negan picks up the first aid kit and heads upstairs to the master bath. He sets Chuck down on her feet and she watches as he wordlessly goes over to the shower and starts to run the water.

Chuck strips off her bloody jacket and nightgown, leaving her standing naked in front of Negan. He stares at her, his eyes moving all along her body, his expression stern. She allows her own gaze to fall to herself, seeing the bruises and scrapes that punctuate her skin. Her arms are littered with fingerprint bruises from Eldritch's manhandling, while her legs show the injuries she incurred during her fall down the hill yesterday.

"I'm really okay, Negan," Chuck tries to reassure. She takes a few short steps forward and unzips Negan's jacket, pushing it off his shoulders after. Negan stiffly pulls his shirt over his head, which allows Chuck to see his own bruises.

"Negan," she whispers with a gasp and places her fingers gently on the purple bruise across the right side of Negan's ribs. She saw that he had some small cuts and scrapes on his face, but this is much worse. "What happened?"

"Let's just get cleaned up, then we can talk."

She nods then helps Negan undress further before they both step into the shower. The hot water feels amazing on her aching muscles as Negan lathers up a washcloth and gently rubs it over her, cleaning all the blood and dirt from her skin. She returns the favor, washing Negan, too, but making sure to be extra gentle on his bruised ribs.

When they get out, they dry off and wrap their towels around them, in lieu of getting dressed. Chuck picks up the first aid kit and takes it into the bedroom to set it on the bed.

"Sit down," Chuck says to Negan. "I'm hoping they have some ice in the freezer downstairs so I can wrap those ribs."

"Don't worry about me," Negan responds while he nudges Chuck to lay down on the bed. "I'm gonna get you something to eat, then I'll clean those fuckin' cuts out."

"You're more hurt than-"

"Just listen to me, Chuck. Please."

Chuck nods, then Negan leaves. He reenters a few minutes later with a sandwich, a jug of water, and ice cubes in a large ziplock bag.

She leans back on the headboard and swings her legs up to lay them straight in front of her. "My feet..." she points down her legs.

Negan tilts his head to look. "Shit, baby girl." He inspects her feet closely. "They're chewed to shit."

"Yeah," she says with a sigh. "Make sure you clean them out good."

Negan diligently disinfects Chuck's feet as she scarfs down the sandwich and guzzles the water. After he wraps her feet in gauze, he runs his hand up her leg soothingly. "Feel a little better?"

Chuck gives him a weak smile and a nod. "Yeah. Now let me take care of you." She swings her legs over the bed as Negan moves to stand in front of her, stripping off his towel to leave him completely naked. Chuck touches the ice bag to Negan's ribs and he lets out a hiss. "I'm sorry, Negan. How did this happen? Was it in the firefight? I saw the tail end of it." She wraps a bandage around him as he answers.

He shakes his head. "Eldritch fuckin' slammed into my fuckin' car on the road. The crash killed two of my guys. And fucked up Dwight. That's why we're here. The crash was a few miles away."

Chuck looks down. "He attacked because I escaped."

Negan nudges her head up to look at him. "It's not your fault, baby girl."

Chuck finishes wrapping up Negan's ribs and cleaning out his cuts. "Lay with me," she says to him as she gets rid of her towel. All she wants is to feel Negan's skin on her own.

Negan obliges and cuddles her into his chest on his uninjured side after he pulls the blankets up over them. They lay there holding each other for several minutes before Chuck starts to speak.

"It was Andy," she almost whispers.

"What did he do to you?" he replies quickly, apparently misunderstanding her.

"No. He _saved_ me. He got me out."

"He fuckin' _kidnapped_ you, didn't he?"

"Yeah. But he was just following his brother." She takes in a deep breath and lets it out. "He realized that what Eldritch was doing was wrong, so he escaped with me. But..." she sighs again, "Conner found us. I shot him in the neck."

"Jesus," Negan whispers.

"Andy finished him off." The memories of all of that brings tears to Chuck's eyes. "Andy shot himself in the head because he was bit and I wouldn't leave him," she chokes out.

Negan squeezes her into him more. "I'm so fucking sorry, baby girl. None of that should've happened to you." He gives her a hard kiss on the head then lets out a heavy breath. "Did Eldritch... _hurt_ you?" he asks quietly.

"He didn't-" She clears her throat, knowing what Negan's really asking. "Not like that. I was scared he would... he touched my belly. Made me wear dresses and have dinner with him. And that _stupid_ nightgown..." She pauses. "He undressed me. _Looked_ at me."

Negan lets out a tense breath, obviously affected by what she said.

"He said he attacked The Sanctuary," she says almost like a question, wanting to change the subject.

"He crashed our gate and sent the fuckin' dead in. Rick led them all away, so... there wasn't any real fuckin' damage."

"So everyone's okay?" she asks, hopeful.

Negan lets out a sigh. "All the lookouts... All the fuckin' guys I had out in the open are dead."

She gasps. "Oh no..."

"He's gonna fuckin' pay for this, Chuck. I promise you. He will fuckin' pay."

Chuck shifts so that she's straddling Negan, her face hovering over his nose to nose. "Good." She places her lips on his softly, but the kiss quickly turns heated.

They're slow with each other, like they're relearning one another's bodies all over again. Hands running over curves. Fingers skimming skin. Hips meeting each other slowly. But it still feels like home to Chuck.

"Oh, Negan..." Chuck moans as she grinds her hips into his. She runs her hands up his chest to brace her weight on his shoulders to get better leverage.

"Fuck," he groans, letting her do all the work. "I missed you so goddamn much." His hands move up her hips to grip her waist.

They move together, plunging over the cliff simultaneously. The intensity of it all makes Chuck emotional, her eyes welling up with tears.

"Hey, hey," Negan whispers and turns them over so he's hovering over her. He swipes her sweaty hair from her face and cradles her cheek in his hand. "What's wrong?"

"I was so afraid I'd never see you again," she chokes out then caresses his cheek. "But you're here. And I'm so happy." She smiles at him through her tears.

Negan kisses her lips sweetly. "I'm never gonna fuckin' leave you," he whispers. "Not ever again."

Chuck hugs her husband's head to her chest and listens as his breathing deepens as he falls asleep. It's only then, knowing that she's safe, her baby's safe, and Negan is safe, that Chuck can finally fall into a restful sleep.


	53. Chapter 53

— Negan's POV —

It's still fuckin' dark out when a knock at the front door wakes me up. I'm sure it's fuckin' Rick. Yesterday, he went over my plan to take Eldritch the fuck down with Simon over the radio, but we still have shit to discuss before we actually get to it. And it can't fuckin' wait. I want to get on the road at fuckin' sunup, so we gotta get shit started.

I get out of bed quietly so I don't wake Chuck up. Yet, anyway. I'm gonna have to get her up in a few fuckin' minutes, though. I should've talked to her last night about everything she saw when she was in Eldritch's compound, but I fell a-fuckin'-sleep so quickly. She probably did, too. Neither of us sleep very fuckin' well when we're away from each other. As soon as we laid down together, it was like we could finally fuckin' relax.

Shit. I left the clean clothes downstairs last night. And I don't want to put my dirty shit from yesterday on again. Fuck, that shit went through a car crash, a trek through the woods, and two goddamn skirmishes with Eldritch and his guys. That shit's ripe, I'm sure.

I turn on the light in the hall and head down the stairs buck ass naked just to be met with Rick's eyes looking in through the window by the door. As soon as he sees me, he instantly turns his head away with a fuckin' sneer on his face. Guess he didn't want to see my dick.

I go over to the coffee table and throw on the pair of sweats that Aaron left there before I turn on more lights and answer the door.

"Really, Negan?" is how Rick greets me as he passes me to go into the living room.

"What? I sleep naked and you woke me up. And you were the one peeking in the windows like a goddamn perv." I follow him back into the living room to gather up the clothes left for Chuck in my arms. "I'll get Chuck so we can see what she knows."

Rick nods and I go up the stairs to the bedroom I left Chuck in.

"Wake up, sweetheart," I say fuckin' gently as I lean over her.

She lets out a little groan then looks up at me. "What...?" She's always so goddamn sleepy when she gets up too early. It's fuckin' cute.

I can't help but fuckin' smile. Goddamn, I missed her so much. I'm so fuckin' happy to have her back.

"Come on, baby girl. I need you to get dressed and come downstairs. We gotta talk to Rick."

"Okay." She slowly gets up and throws on the sweat pants and baggy T-shirt that Aaron left.

I guess it's good that Aaron didn't leave us real fuckin' clothes, because sweats pretty much always fit, so size doesn't matter. But I'm gonna have to at least get a pair of actual fuckin' pants from someone before I head out.

We get down the steps and sit the fuck down on the couch in front of Rick. Daryl's here now, too, sitting beside him. Rick must've let him in while we were upstairs.

"We need to know some shit about Eldritch's compound before we head out to kill those fuckers, okay?" I say to Chuck, but she's yawning. "Chuck? Are you fuckin' awake?"

"Yeah," she answers sleepily. "What do you need to know."

Rick clears his throat. "How many guys are there?"

"I'm not sure." She wraps her arms around herself, so I put my arm around her, too. I can tell she doesn't want to talk, but she's pushing through. She knows how important this is. "When I first got there, I was in a room with like thirty guys. But after that, I was mostly locked in a room by myself." She shrugs a little. "Andy said there were guys on the upper two floors, so I guess there's more than what I saw." She looks up to me. "I'm sorry I didn't-"

I don't let her finish. "It's okay, baby girl." I start to rub her back with the arm I have around her. "You're doing good."

"How'd you get out?" Daryl shifts the the focus.

"Andy led me downstairs to this tunnel that leads out."

"We know about the tunnel. We have some guys watching it," I say. "How'd you get past Eldritch's men at the end?"

"We went through this service entrance away from all the men. It led to a manhole that exited into the woods. None of Eldritch's men were guarding it."

Me and Rick share a look. If there's a separate exit then we need to know the fuck about it. Otherwise, Eldritch could fuckin' escape the shit storm I'm gonna rain on him.

Rick reaches into his jacket's inner pocket and pulls out a roadmap. "We should have people watching that. Where is it?" He stretches the map out on the coffee table for Chuck to look at.

Chuck leans over the map. "I'm not sure..."

I start to point shit out. "Here's Eldritch's compound." I move my finger over. "And here's the entrance to the tunnel." I move my finger again. "This is the road to Alexandria." Maybe that'll jog her memory.

"Um..." She looks the map over. "I-I was following Andy. He knew where we were. It was just forest. I couldn't really tell..." She's getting fuckin' upset. Shit. "I don't know. I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey." I put my arm back around her and pull her into me. "It's okay, Chuck. Don't worry about it." I run my thumb over her cheek. "How long was this service tunnel? Was it real fuckin' far away from the main entrance we know about."

She clears her throat and takes a deep breath. "I don't think it was really that far. Andy said there were guys in the garage at the end of the tunnel. I could kinda hear them talking, so they couldn't have been too far."

Daryl leans over the map and points at it. "The exit has to be in this area here." His finger is on a dense fuckin' forest. And it's not exactly that fuckin' small of an area. "How long did you walk in the woods?"

"A few miles, at least," she answers with a little shrug.

It fuckin' sucks that she can't tell us exactly where this exit is. But I don't fuckin' blame her. That was the first fuckin' time she'd been out in the shit in years. And she was running for her life away from the guy that fuckin' kidnapped her. No, I can't blame her for not knowing exactly where she was. All that really matters is that she got here. Got back to me. I'll fuckin' figure the rest out.

Rick nods. "That's good. I'm sure some of our men can find the other entrance." He smiles at her then gives me a look.

He's fuckin' lying to her to make her feel better. He knows we don't have the time to fuckin' find it. All we can do is get guys out there and hope that if anyone comes out of that service entrance, our guys'll come across them and pick them up.

I turn back to her. It looks like Rick's lie worked a little to calm her the fuck down. "Anything else you can tell us before we head the fuck out?" I ask pretty gently, not wanting her to get upset again.

She shakes her head. "How are you... How are you gonna beat him?" she almost whispers.

"We're gonna let the goddamn dead into his building and let them do the fuckin' work for us," I answer simply.

"Oh." She hesitantly nods. "There is something else. Eldritch told me about women being there, but I never saw them," she tacks on sadly.

"Shit," I say under my breath. He told me about women, but I put that shit outta my mind. Getting innocents killed is the last fuckin' thing I want to do, but I don't have a better plan. I'll have to put them in danger just to take all the rest of them out. Fuck. It makes me feel fuckin' sick to think about it now.

"We'll get 'em out safe," Daryl calls out before I can say anything more. I can't fuckin' tell if he's lying, or not. He looks pretty fuckin' determined, but he just might be a good liar, telling Chuck what she wants to hear.

Rick sure doesn't look convinced, but he quickly changes his expression to look back at Chuck. "We only want Eldritch's men. We'll do our best to keep those women safe."

"Good." Chuck nods slowly. I'm not sure how much she believes what they're fuckin' saying. "I don't think Eldritch was good to them."

We all let that shit sink in. Fuck, this is a shitty situation.

Rick clears his throat and stands up. "I'll get you some clothes so we can head out."

"I'm 6'2", remember," I remind him. I don't want to have to wear fuckin' flood pants.

"Tobin will have something that'll fit you." Rick leaves to go see Tobin, I guess.

I turn back to Chuck. "Why don't you go back upstairs and get some more sleep."

She looks back to me with those big fuckin' green eyes. "I want to see you off."

I give her a kiss on the forehead. "We're gonna be leaving in a few minutes, anyway, as soon as Rick gets back. The sun's starting to come up. And you still need to fuckin' rest."

Chuck wraps her arms around me fuckin' tight. "I love you, Negan," she whispers right in my ear. "Please be safe."

I squeeze her just as hard. "You don't have anything to worry about, baby girl. Those fuckers aren't gonna know we're even fuckin' there until it's too late." I pull back to look at her. "I love you so much, sweetheart." I don't even care that Daryl's still there listening. And fuckin' watching. I kiss Chuck long and hard, but it's sweet. When we separate, I can see that a few tears are falling down her cheeks.

She rubs her fingers over my face and gives me a few more kisses before she goes back upstairs. Me and Daryl watch her until we hear the door close.

"It's weird seein' you with her," Daryl comments.

"Why?" I bite back.

"You're so different with her."

"Different?"

He shrugs, thinking of how to clarify what he fuckin' said. "Gentle."

"I can't be fuckin' gentle?"

"Not that I've seen before."

I stare at him, not really fuckin' knowing what to say. "How the fuck should I be with her?"

"I ain't sayin' you gotta change. It looks like you're good to her."

"Damn right, I'm good to her."

He lets out a breath. "What are you gonna do if we don't find Eldritch? You know, there might not be a body with this plan. There ain't no way to tell we got him if the body up and walks away."

He's fuckin' right. If Eldritch is in there when we send the dead in, he'll either get ripped to pieces or fuckin' die and turn. Then he'll get led the fuck out with the herd. And we'd be none the fuckin' wiser.

That's not exactly the way I'd fuckin' want it. I'd rather get my goddamn hands on Eldritch myself and feel the moment he fuckin' dies, but I don't think that's fuckin' feasible. Going into that building to kill those fuckers is just fuckin' stupid. The first goddamn second we'd start to shoot, those fuckin' biters outside would perk the fuck up and probably tear the building apart to get to us.

It fuckin' sucks, but this is how it's gotta be.

Rick finally comes back in carrying some clothes in his fuckin' arms. They're not fuckin' bad, pretty close to shit I'd wear anyway. White T-shirt, gray pants a little too fuckin' baggy, but, they'll do. I go back upstairs to grab my jacket and boots, pausing to give Chuck a little kiss on the forehead. Even though she doesn't fuckin' wake up, I tell her I love her and the baby again.

Before we head out, I get on Rick's radio to coordinate with everyone that's gonna do this shit. First, I get in touch with Jesus. Rick's guys brought him up to fuckin' speed last night, but I want to talk to him myself. He tells me that right after he gets off the radio with me, he and his guys are gonna get Gregory in line. As in, they're gonna fuckin' lock him up so he can't do shit. Jesus, and by extension me, are taking Hilltop back. And after all this shit is done, I'm gonna kill that motherfucker Gregory. No matter what the hill-folk want.

Some of my guys, and Rick's, are gonna be headed to Eldritch's fuckin' compound, including the three guys who are gonna gut up and plant the explosives. Eugene's gonna be there, too, to make sure everything goes off without a fuckin' hitch. That's the most important fuckin' part of this plan. If we don't blow holes in that building, the fuckin' biters won't be able to do their fuckin' job.

I got even more guys headed out on the roads that way to help with the whole ordeal of leading that goddamn monster herd the fuck away after they do their job of killing all the motherfuckers in that compound. Some of Rick's guys and some hill-folk are gonna be meeting them out there, too, since we gotta split that herd up and lead them to different fuckin' places, our "dead zones". We already had those places set the fuck up to lead the dead and keep them out of the fuckin' way. That is, until winter, when they freeze and we can kill them off fuckin' easily. We weren't exactly expecting to lead all these fuckin' biters there all at once, but that's what's fuckin' happening now.

Me and Arat, and some of Rick's guys are gonna be at the tunnel entrance. When we get the fuckin' signal that the guys are ready to set the bombs off at the compound, we're gonna fuckin' start our assault on the tunnel. Abraham's gonna use that sweet ass RPG to collapse the tunnel and block it the fuck off so no one can escape the dead fuckin' pouring in. Then, we're pretty much gonna fuckin' wait for the dead to do their thing.

Before I get off the radio, Simon says he wants to talk to me in fuckin' private, so everyone leaves the room. "What is it, Simon?" I ask.

"So Chuck's really okay?"

"Yeah." I clear my throat. "She's got some cuts and bruises, but she's okay. She didn't want to see the fuckin' doctor last night, though. I bet Aaron'll make her see him later today."

"That's good. I'm so glad she's okay." He pauses. "But how are you doing, brother?"

"I'm fan-fuckin'-tastic! Today is a good fuckin' day. I'm gonna end this shit and we'll be rid of Eldritch and his fuckin' cronies forever." I answer enthusiastically.

"But today is..." He doesn't finish his thought for some reason. "Just keep your head in it, okay, Negan? Don't get killed today."

"Don't worry, honey. I'll be home soon enough so you can snuggle up to my big dick again," I joke.

"You're an asshole," he replies, but I know he's not fuckin' mad.

We finally head out just as the sun breaks the fuckin' horizon. Me and Arat are the only ones in our car, with me driving. And we're going to stop off at Eldritch's compound first. I gotta see my men off before they gut up and trudge through that undead fuckin' horde. Because that shit is fuckin' dangerous. I don't want my guys to think that I'm just fuckin' sending them off without really supporting them.

We park a ways away and fuckin' hike to where all the guys are, which is just outside the edge of the fuckin' herd, but still in the cover of trees. When we walk up, my guys are just starting to slice into the dead fucks who are donating their gross ass guts just for this. And my guys are taking the extra precautions. Under their clothes, they're wearing latex fuckin' suits that cover all their goddamn skin so they don't get sick from whatever the fuck germs are in those guts.

I nod at Carol who's standing by my guys and she walks over to me.

"Your saviors on the tunnel said that trucks came in, but no one's come out," Carol starts. "So we think all Eldritch's men are in that building."

"Good," I respond. "Then we'll get 'em all in one go." I turn back to my guys as they start to gut up. "We're gonna rid this world of the filth that lives in that fuckin' building and it's all because of you guys. When you get home, you're gonna be fuckin' heroes."

Two of the guys fuckin' thank me, but José just looks at me with this determined goddamn look in his eye. I nod at him, like I'm saying "That means you, too." He gives me a nod back. He still feels fuckin' bad about Chuck being kidnapped on his watch. I know he's doing this shit as some sorta fuckin' redemption. And I'm gonna fuckin' let him. He did fuck up by not doing his goddamn job and letting Conner and Andy upstairs without even fuckin' questioning them. But I know he's not a bad fuckin' guy. And he always cared about the wives. And Chuck.

They finish gutting up and Eugene hands them each the fuckin' explosives. We watch them all as they start to walk slowly toward the building. It's gonna take them fuckin' hours to get to the building and back out here. They have to move that same shuffling way as the fuckin' biters. Cuz if they go too fast, the dead'll get wise and fuckin' attack them.

Me and Arat watch them for a while before we get back on the fuckin' road, headed for the tunnel entrance. Because I definitely wanna be there when that shit goes down. Sure, watching holes get blown in the side of that fuckin' building would be nice, but I wanna get my goddamn hands dirty, actually taking Eldritch's guys out, shooting them in their goddamn faces, making sure no one runs. That's the shit I need to do right now.

Besides, after the tunnel gets sealed, I'm gonna head back to the compound to watch, anyway. Watch as the dead pour in. Watch as Eldritch's people fuckin' die. Watch as his compound lays in fuckin' ruin.

Me and Arat meet up with everyone at the tunnel and fuckin' wait for the signal that the guys on the compound are ready to blow that shit up. And we wait for-fuckin'-ever. Just watching Eldritch's guys toil around doing fuckin' nothing, really. It's boring as shit.

It's almost goddamn torture, actually. I just want to get this shit done so fuckin' bad. Take all these fuckers out. And the longer I fuckin' wait, the more my body fuckin' buzzes with anticipation.

Fuckin' finally, we get the signal and move closer to get in position. We all raise our guns and everyone waits for the order. I look over to Abraham and give him a nod. He nods back and pulls the trigger on his RPG, sending the rocket into the entrance of the tunnel and blowing that shit up.

I fuckin' smile as I see the tunnel collapse in on itself and hear Eldritch's men fuckin' start to panic. The few stragglers outside the tunnel are taken down pretty fuckin' quickly by us. Some by me, that's for fuckin' sure. It's like I'm fuckin' laser focused on them as I shoot my rifle, sending bullets right into their fuckin' brainpans. We get a call on the radio that the explosions went off without a fuckin' hitch and that the dead are entering the building.

"Fuck, yeah," I say to myself. This shit is fuckin' going well and it just tickles my fuckin' balls. I turn back to the guys I'm with to talk to them. "Kill anyone that comes around. There's a separate entrance around here somewhere, so even if no one can get through that collapsed tunnel, some guys might try to escape. You guys make sure they fuckin' don't."

They all nod and me and Arat get back on the road to get to the compound again. When we get back to our guys, they're all fuckin' silent, just watching the dead enter the building through the three huge fuckin' holes that are now in the wall facing us. We can hear the gunshots coming from inside. Obviously, they're fuckin' useless. Just a last ditch effort for those guys to get a few more goddamn minutes out of their miserable fucking lives. They're attracting more of the dead to them with all that fuckin' noise, anyway. So, have at it, I guess.

We wait a bunch more fuckin' hours until all the gunfire has fuckin' stopped. And until we see that the dead are just wandering around again, with nothing to fuckin' get them all riled up. Everyone must be fuckin' dead in that building.

Good fuckin' riddance.

We switch to the next phase and radio the guys on the roads to start to lead the biters away. Rick's men have those fuckin' trucks with the speakers they've used before. My guys have similar shit. And the hill-folk are fuckin' helping out, too. It's a fuckin' monumental task to lead all those dead away, but we got the manpower.

We start to hear the music off in the fuckin' distance and the dead slowly turn to it. Again, we fuckin' wait. Every part of this plan seems to take for-fuckin'-ever. I swear, this is the longest fuckin' attack on another group I've ever had my hands in, but it's goddamn worth it.

When the coast is fuckin' clear enough, me, along with all the other guys I'm with, head into the building to check shit out. Chuck had said that everything was on the top two floors, so that's where we all go.

We split the fuck up, half go to the top floor, half to the one below. I head to the upper floor, cuz I know that's where Chuck was. And probably fuckin' Eldritch, too. We start up the stairs, but there's a bunch of furniture blocking it. Looks like they tried their hardest to fuckin' stop the dead. But there are more stairwells and the next one we go to is completely clear. I'm sure they didn't have the fuckin' time to block them all.

When I exit the stairwell on the top floor, I see that it's a fuckin' mess. Ripped apart bodies strewn all over the fuckin' place. Weapons on the fuckin' floor like the useless things they fuckin' are against a horde of the dead. Those sorry sons-a-bitches never had a fuckin' chance. Nothing would've stopped the sheer volume of dead from making their way up the stairs to kill them.

Just like I fuckin' knew they would.

The sad part is that I can't tell who the fuckin' meat lying around belongs to. So, yeah, I don't have confirmation that Eldritch is dead. He might be this meat, or he might be walking around with the other biters outside.

It fuckin' sucks, but I'm confident that any of the men that were up here are fuckin' dead. And that includes fuckin' Eldritch. ...Hopefully.

We all start to make sure there are no survivors and simultaneously gather the discarded fuckin' weapons, and anything else worthwhile. The guys on the floor below find the storeroom filled with all my fuckin' guns and start to take them out to our cars as we still search on the top floor.

One of my guys calls out, "There's a locked door!"

Me and a few other guys go to him. The door is indeed locked, but with a padlock from the outside. That rules out that there are any of Eldritch's fuckin' men in there. "Well, break it the fuck down, then," I say to no one in particular. I'm assuming there's more fuckin' weapons in the room.

It takes two guys, but they finally bust the door in. But it's not guns behind it.

"Shit," I say aloud as all the guys with me go silent at what they see. About a dozen skinny women who look scared to fuckin' death stare back at us with glazed over eyes.

I hold my hands up to show them I'm not a threat, because they sure aren't a threat to me. The room is lined with cots and pretty much nothing else. Nothing that can be used as a fuckin' weapon, that's for sure. And they're dressed in goddamn rags, so there's no chance they got anything on them. Beside, if what Chuck, and actually Eldritch, said is true about these ladies, they should be fuckin' happy to see us.

"It's okay, ladies. We're not here to hurt you," I call out as gently as I can.

"Are they all dead?" one of the women asks. She's probably in her late thirties, but she looks way more fuckin' run down.

"Yeah," I answer simply. "They're all dead."

I hear a collective sigh of relief from the girls. The woman that spoke comes forward a little to address me. "We heard the dead come in. We heard the men's screams." She shakes her head a little. "We just kept quiet so the dead wouldn't find us."

"That was good fuckin' thinking," I reply. "I'm Negan," I say with my hand on my chest. "I lead a group called the Saviors. But there are two other fuckin' groups here, helping out. Hilltop, which is technically my group, too, and Alexandria. And I'm sure all of those places would be fuckin' happy to have you guys. We all got doctors to check you lot out, too. So, no fuckin' worries." I give them all a smile and they look back at me with soft fuckin' expressions on their faces. They know their lives just got a shit ton of a lot better.

When we've finished gutting the place, we all get back in our cars and leave. Me and Arat and the Alexandrians, along with the newfound women, all head back to Alexandria. My guys head home. The others leading the dead away are still doing their fuckin' thing, and probably will continue to do so long into the night. So we'll just have to wait for their word when they're done.

Shit, it's been a long ass day. And I can't wait to get back to my girl again.

— —

Chuck is woken up by the smell of food cooking downstairs. It takes her a moment to realize just where she is and what's going on.

I'm in Alexandria. And Negan left a few hours ago after he talked to me with Rick and Daryl. I wonder what the Alexandrians think about all this. I wonder if they blame me. I mean, they got attacked, some of their people got hurt through no fault of their own. And it's my fault.

I don't think Negan is mad at me. From how he acted last night, I think he's just happy I'm back. And I'm happy, too. I just want to move past this.

Maybe Negan is back and that's him downstairs.

She hops out of bed and walks downstairs as quickly as she can on her still sore feet.

"Negan?" she calls out before she turns the corner to see Aaron and Eric cooking in the kitchen.

"Good morning," Aaron says cheerfully. "Negan's not back yet, Chucky."

"Hey, Chucky!" Eric comes forward and wraps his arms around Chuck tightly before she can really process what Aaron had said. This is actually the first time Eric has seen Chuck in a few years and his excitement is evident in his almost stranglehold of a hug. Once Aaron and Eric had gotten serious as a couple, Chuck and her mother had welcomed Eric into the family with open arms, so they were all very close.

"Hey, Eric," she greets. "You look good," she gives him a smile, but her disappointment in Negan not being back shines through.

"What's wrong?" Eric asks.

"Just worried about how everything is going out there." She shrugs and looks over at what Aaron is doing. He is frying off some bacon on the stove as batter cooks in the waffle maker.

Chuck's stomach growls loudly at the delicious aroma, causing both men to look at her and laugh.

"I guess I don't have to ask if you're hungry," Aaron says jokingly to Chuck.

Eric laughs. "Better make sure we have plenty of waffles. She's eating for two, now." He lightly places his hand on her belly to accentuate his point.

Chuck giggles, enjoying the light banter. "You are so right. I'm starving!"

They all sit down with their breakfasts, Aaron sitting beside Chuck with Eric across from him, and dig in.

Aaron clears his throat after swallowing a bite. "Are you up to seeing our doctor after this?" he directs at Chuck.

She nods. "I guess." Even though she's sure she's fine, and the idea that she'll be examined by a strange doctor is not that appealing, she'll see him to make Aaron feel better. And she can tell Negan that the doctor gave her a clean bill of heath, too, because she knows he'll worry just like Aaron.

Aaron lets out a heavy breath. "I know you don't want to be poked and prodded, but... we just want to make sure that you're okay. And the baby, too."

"I know, Uncle Aaron." She gives him a little smile.

"You know you can talk to us." Aaron looks to Eric, then back to Chuck. "If you need to talk..."

Chuck lets out a heavy breath. "You know me. I don't like to talk..."

"I know, sweetie," Aaron says in that same way that Chuck's mother always did. "I also know that keeping it inside makes you feel worse. If you don't want to talk to me, at least talk to Negan."

Chuck nods. "I will. But..." She scratches at her nose in nervousness. "Part of it... I don't think I can talk to him about."

Aaron swallows hard. "Why not."

Chuck clears her throat of the lump that's forming. "That all of this is my fault," she chokes out.

Eric reaches across the table to lay his hand on hers. "It's not-"

Chuck doesn't let him finish. "It is! Eldritch only attacked because I make Negan weak. Eldritch told me that!" As Chuck starts to sob, she covers her face with her hands.

Aaron starts to rub her back soothingly. "Men like Eldritch... He would've attacked even without you, Chucky. It's not your fault."

"All the people that died... My people, good people. And now, all the guys Negan's killing... Those lives lost are on me."

Aaron cradles her face in his hands, making sure she looks right at him. "No, Chucky. You can't put all that on yourself."

She takes a deep breath to try to calm herself. "All of this is just horrible."

"Eldritch did this," Eric asserts. "He's the one that did all this, Chuck. Not you."

Chuck nods sadly and calms down enough to finish her breakfast.

After Chuck gets dressed in the clothes Aaron brought her, which is a pair of black leggings and a plain blue T-shirt along with a pair of slip on canvas shoes, she and Aaron go to the medical office. Aaron introduces her to Siddiq, Alexandria's new doctor. He's probably in his early thirties with dark hair and a beard, olive skin, and dark eyes.

"This is my niece Chuck," Aaron says to the man.

"Hi, Chuck. I'm Siddiq." He holds his hand out to her.

"Hello," she greets.

"How far along are you?"

"Nineteen weeks," Chuck answers, then thinks about it. "Actually, I think I might be at twenty now."

"So you know the sex, then."

"Uh... no. We were going to get the ultrasound, but then..." She doesn't finish, but Siddiq knows what she's saying.

"Well, we don't have an ultrasound machine here. Yet. But I'm sure your doctor back at The Sanctuary will give you an ultrasound when you get home." He gives her a smile. "I'll just check you out real quick to make sure everything is okay." He holds his hand out to the exam table they have and Chuck hops up onto it.

"Do you want me to leave?" Aaron asks.

"No. You can stay," Chuck answers. She'll feel better with her uncle there.

"Any cramping or discomfort?" Siddiq asks.

"No."

Chuck starts to tell him about the wounds on her feet. He looks them over and says they look fine as long as Chuck keeps them clean. Though he does comment that she has some swelling in her feet and ankles, which is normal for pregnancy. He makes her lay back and lifts her shirt to examine her belly.

Siddiq's eyes focus on the scar in her left side. "What's this from."

"Uh," Chuck starts. "I got stabbed with a pair of scissors."

Aaron lets out a surprised gasp. "You never told me that."

Chuck shrugs to try to act like it was no big deal. "It happened after I got to The Sanctuary. Actually, that's how me and Negan got really close. I lived with him and he took care of me." She stops herself from saying that it wasn't really long after that that she got pregnant. Aaron probably wouldn't want to hear about that. She can't help the smile that forms on her lips at the thought of her first time with Negan, though.

Chuck is dismissed a few minutes later with a clean bill of health. Though Siddiq recommends rest and plenty of water for the immediate future.

As Chuck and Aaron leave, they run into a woman, who introduces herself as Maggie.

"You must be Chuck," the slender woman says in her southern accent as she tucks some of her short brown hair behind her ear.

Chuck nods. "That's me. I hope my uncle hasn't bored you by talking about me too much."

"Actually, my husband Glenn talked about you. He said you kept Eugene on his toes."

"Oh!" Chuck cries out when she realizes what Maggie is talking about. Glenn had been at The Sanctuary when she helped Eugene set up the radio equipment. And she remembered Glenn mentioning his pregnant wife. "Oh, so... Okay, I remember now. So you're..." She looks down to the woman's stomach, though there's no bump in sight.

Maggie smiles warmly and puts her hands on her belly. "Yup. Fourteen weeks."

Chuck smiles at the woman. "Oh, wow!"

"I was just gonna relieve Olivia of babysitting duty," Maggie says to Chuck. "You can come with me, if you want."

"Um." Chuck has to think it over. Her options for the day are: waiting by herself for Negan to get back and probably driving herself crazy with her own thoughts, hanging out with Aaron and Eric and probably having them hovering over her all day, or wandering around Alexandria. The last option seems the best, having something to do should distract Chuck enough so that she doesn't go crazy, at least. "Yeah. That sounds good."

"Are you gonna be okay if I head back home?" Aaron asks Chuck.

"Yeah. I'm good."

As Aaron walks back to his house, Maggie leads Chuck to another.

"Is this your house," Chuck inquires.

"No, this is Rick's place. Since he and Michonne are out today, he needs babysitters for his two kids."

They step onto the porch and knock on the door. A woman with a dark brown ponytail and glasses, Olivia, Chuck assumes, answers the door. They get the introductions all out of the way and Olivia exits the home, leaving Chuck and Maggie to watch over Carl and Judith. Though Carl doesn't seem too happy about it.

"I should be out there with Dad," the teenager gripes. "And I don't need babysitters."

"Rick's just being cautious," Maggie replies.

Carl lets out a huff. "Whatever," he mutters, then crosses the living room to pick up Judith. "She needs some lunch."

After they all eat, they go back to the living room. Maggie and Chuck take their seats on the couch as Carl and Judith play with legos on the floor.

"So, you're Negan's wife?" Carl asks aloud, but doesn't look away from his blocks.

Before Chuck can answer, Judith calls out, "Nay-ghin! Nay-ghin!"

Maggie laughs. "He made quite the impression on her."

Chuck giggles. Negan is always so good with kids. "That's adorable!"

"Negan's a pretty cool guy," Carl comments. "He always fucks with Dad, which is hilarious."

"Language, Carl," Maggie chides.

Chuck laughs. "Whoops. I can see Negan made and impression on Carl, too."

"They're just words," Carl says with a shrug.

The women watch over the siblings as they continue to play, absolutely content in what they're doing. Not a care in the world, so it seems.

Maggie leans in closer to talk quietly to Chuck. "It wasn't always easy, you know. Before we got here... Being on the road out there with a baby..." She gestures to Judith. "It was hard. But being here has been amazing."

Chuck nods slowly, but can't help but think that just yesterday, this "amazing" place was attacked. "I'm sorry I brought Eldritch here," she murmurs without looking up.

"You didn't bring him here, Chuck."

"He wouldn't have come here... He wouldn't have done any of this-"

"He was always a threat to us," Maggie interrupts. "My group... after coming here, after meeting your people, we realized it can't be us against everyone anymore. We need to work together. If we want to keep all this." She gestures widely. "And we need to come together to fight the ones that would take it all away."

Her words succeed in making Chuck smile. "I'm happy we can make our little part of the world better."

As if on cue, Judith comes over to Chuck with her legos in her hand, getting Chuck to follow her back onto the floor to play with her. Chuck plays happily with Judith until the girl curls up into her lap and falls asleep.

"Oh my god," Chuck whispers with a smile. "She's so sweet!" Holding the sleeping child fills Chuck with a warmth that she's never really felt before. But she assumes she'll feel again when she becomes a mother.

Negan doesn't come back until much later, but Chuck is ready. She practically jumps him at the door, wrapping her arms around his shoulders in a tight hug.

"How did it go?" she asks after pulling away to look at him.

"It's over, baby girl. They're all fuckin' dead. But the women are safe."

Chuck lets out a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank god."

"Let's just go to bed. Okay? I'm fuckin' exhausted."

They both go upstairs to their room and start to take their clothes off. But before they get to far, Chuck notices that Negan is staring at something beside her with an odd expression.

"What is it?" she asks as she turns to see what he's looking at. The only thing there is the alarm clock shining the date and time, 12:02am, Nov. 9.

"It's- I didn't even..." He chokes out.

Chuck comes over to his side of the bed and lays her hand softly on his chest, but his eyes never move from the clock. "What, Negan?"

"It's after midnight. I didn't fuckin' realize."

"Negan, you're scaring me. What's going on."

Negan finally flicks his eyes to look at Chuck. "Lucille died on the eighth. I didn't fuckin' know what day it was. I was so fucking focused on Eldritch..." He pulls away from Chuck and sits heavily on the edge of the bed.

Chuck sits beside him and starts to rub his back as he cradles his head in his arm. "It's okay, Negan." She's not sure what to do. And she's a little ashamed to admit that the fact that Lucille still has a hold on Negan makes a twinge of jealousy bloom in her chest.

"Every year since... On the anniversary, I've just locked myself in my fuckin' room and drank until I blacked the fuck out."

"Well..." Chuck feels her eyes well up with tears at the emotion of it all. "What do you need me to do? Do you want me to leave you alone?" she asks hesitantly.

"No," he answers quickly and turns to her, cradling her cheek with his large hand. "No, baby girl." He swipes the tear falling down her cheek with his thumb. "I just want you," he whispers as he sets his forehead on hers. "All I want is you."


	54. Chapter 54

—Negan's POV —

Shit, I'm dreaming. And it's that same goddamn dream, again.

I'm standing outside my old house. But this time, I don't fuckin' go inside. I just stand on the sidewalk and look through the fuckin' window as my dream kids sit at the kitchen table with their homework.

"They're beautiful," Lucille's familiar voice says from my right in almost a whisper. I didn't even fuckin' know that she was there.

I hesitate to look down at her, in case she looks fuckin' sick, but she doesn't this time. She looks exactly the same way she did the last time I had this dream, alive and beautiful. "Yeah. They are." I clear my throat and hang my head in shame. "I'm fuckin' sorry... for forgetting about..."

She just shakes her head at me. "Don't be, Negan."

"You deserve-"

"-you drinking yourself to death because of me every year?" she finishes my sentence. But that's not what I was gonna fuckin' say.

"No. You just deserve... I don't fuckin' know. _More_. More than me just forgetting about you."

"Moving on doesn't mean _forgetting_." She grabs my hand and holds it softly in her own. "You need to move on, Negan."

I turn my head from Lucille back to the window and see Chuck walk up to the kids, leaning over them like she's helping them with their homework. And she's heavily fuckin' pregnant again. And she looks goddamn gorgeous.

"Do you know what she's dreaming about right now?" Lucille asks.

I look to her and shake my head.

"She's dreaming that she's all alone. And she's afraid."

"Shit. She's having a nightmare?" I turn to look through the window at her again. "I should fuckin' wake up." As soon as I say it, I realize that it's fuckin' crazy to think that dream Lucille somehow knows what's happening in real life, so I turn back to her. "You don't know what she's dreaming. You're not even fuckin' real."

Lucille shrugs a little and smirks in that way she always did when she knew she was right. "I'm real enough to know that it hurt her last night to think that a piece of your heart still belongs to me."

"I hurt her?" I scratch at the back of my neck at the fuckin' thought. "I love her more than fuckin' anything. I never want to hurt her."

"I know that. And I know, despite that, you're still afraid to let me go. I want to tell you that it's okay to. We had our time together, but I don't want the memory of me to cause a rift between the two of you." She moves to stand in front of me. "You started to move on the second you found her. That's why you forgot the anniversary. That's not _bad thing_ ," she stresses. "But you have to release your _guilt_ to let go fully." She lays her hand on my cheek and I swear I can feel the warmth from it. Like she's really fuckin' here.

"You were so good to me and I was a piece of shit," I mutter almost to myself.

"You _weren't_ , Negan. You made some bad choices. But we had good times. More good than bad."

"You were happy?" I ask, almost not wanting to hear the fucking answer.

"Of course I was happy. Were you?"

"Yeah."

She gives me a sad smile. "Do you remember the day that Chuck dropped off the pie to our house?"

I nod.

"I _knew_ that day that she was meant for you."

"Lucille-"

She rubs her thumb across my cheek, shutting me up. "It's okay, Negan. I was okay with it. A few months after that, when my cancer came back, I knew it would take me in the end." She pauses. "And I was scared, of course. But I knew you would find happiness again, in time. With her."

"I feel like such a fuckin' dick for loving her sometimes," I say as I look into Lucille's warm eyes. "Because I never would have fallen for her if you hadn't died. It's like I'm happy you're fuckin' gone. And it makes me feel like shit," I choke out. Fuck. Saying all this shit to Lucille- or a Lucille facsimile, I fuckin' guess- has me fuckin' emotional.

She wipes the tears falling from my eyes. "Loving her doesn't mean you loved me any less. I know that. I _want_ you to love again. I had you for my time and she'll have you for the rest of yours." She hugs me softly and it feels so fuckin' real. "I love you, Negan. I want you to be happy," she whispers in my ear.

I squeeze her tight and it feels so familiar. Like I just fuckin' hugged her yesterday instead of years ago. "I loved you so much, Lucille." I pull back from her and cradle her face in my hands. "Even though I fucked it up, I really did love you."

"I know, Negan." She holds my face in her soft hands as I move mine to her hips. "Loving Chuck will never change that." She tilts my head down to kiss my forehead. "Be with her."

Her words stick with me as I slowly wake up. I'm in the bedroom at Alexandria and it's still fuckin' dark; I've probably only been sleeping for a couple of hours. As I wake up more, I can feel that my fuckin' eyelashes are saturated with tears. I was fuckin' crying in my sleep.

Shit. That dream...

I hear Chuck whimpering beside me and I turn around to look at her. She's laying on her side with her back to me, so I lean over her shoulder to turn on the bedside lamp.

I whisper near her ear, "Wake up, baby girl." I pull her shoulder down gently so she's laying on her back. "It's just a dream, Chuck," I say quietly as I push her hair off of her face.

She whimpers again, but slowly wakes up. "Ugh." She rubs at her eyes. "Sorry I woke you."

"It's okay, baby girl." I lean back over her to kiss her forehead as I caress her cheek with my thumb. "What were you dreaming about?" I move back a little, but I keep my face close to hers.

She takes a deep breath with her eyes closed. "I was outside... in the forest. There were biters closing in all around me. I kept screaming for help, but no one was there."

Holy fuck. That's what Lucille said. I mean, I guess what she said was fuckin' vague, but Chuck's dream definitely fuckin' fits. It has to be a fuckin' coincidence, though. Like I could hear her making noise and fuckin' made assumptions in my dream. Right?

I try not to sound fuckin' shocked. "Really?"

She looks up to me, but her expression turns fuckin' confused. "Are you crying?" She wipes my still damp eyes with her fingertips.

"Yeah," I don't lie, "I think I was in my sleep."

"Why?" she replies in that sweet, concerned voice of hers.

I move so I'm cuddling her body with my ear to her chest. She wraps her arms around my shoulders as soon as I settle in and kisses the top of my head.

"I was talking to Lucille," I whisper.

"In a dream?"

"Yeah. She..." I take a deep breath, "I love you more than anything, Chuck. You fuckin' know that, right?"

"Yeah, Negan. I know. I love you, too."

Shit. I'm afraid to tell her about my dream. I'm afraid she'll think I'm fuckin' nuts.

She starts to run her hand over my hair when I don't say anything. "You don't have to tell me about your dream if you don't want to," she says quietly. But I can hear the hurt in her voice. Lucille must've been fuckin' right. It hurts Chuck when I'm fuckin' closed off. Especially when it concerns Lucille.

I move over her again so I can look at her. "She... Lucille... in my dream, anyway, _wants_ me to be with you. She wants me to let her go so we can be fuckin' happy together."

Chuck just looks back at me like she doesn't know what to fuckin' say. "You... Lucille was your first love. You don't have to-"

I cut her off. "I want to... move on. I just want you, Chuck." I put my hand on her belly. "And our baby. And I'm so fuckin' sorry if I ever made you feel second best."

"You didn't. I know Lucille will always be important to you. And I'm fine with that. When I think about it." She takes a deep breath. "I know I shouldn't- A-And I know it's stupid to _feel_..." she thinks of the right word, " _jealous_ , I guess. But..." she looks up at me, "I can't help it sometimes."

"Oh, baby girl." I bend down to kiss her. "You know my heart is yours. Fuckin' all of it."

She smiles and wraps her arms around me, pulling me down on top of her. "I'll take good care of it, if you take care of mine," she whispers.

— —

When Chuck wakes up in the morning, Negan is still snoring softly beside her. She glances at the clock and sees that it's just past 8am.

 _Negan must've needed the rest; he usually doesn't sleep in. I know he had a weird dream last night. Maybe he didn't get to sleep for a while after it. Well, I won't wake him up._

 _You know what? I'm gonna make_ _ **him**_ _breakfast for a change. Maybe he'll like that._

Chuck quietly gets out of bed and goes downstairs in her pajamas. Aaron had dropped off some food yesterday, before Negan got in, so Chuck looks at what ingredients she has available. She decides to make some French toast and bacon.

Though she's not the best cook, she has seen Negan make the dish before, so she just copies what she remembers. It goes well and she feels like she's done a pretty good job with it. The slices of French toast are keeping warm in the oven, the bacon is crispy and waiting on a plate on the counter, fresh milk from Hilltop is poured in glasses on the table, and the bottle of maple syrup sits between the two place settings.

Chuck turns around to go upstairs to wake Negan up for the meal, but she's a little startled to see that he's already standing in the doorway, dressed in his boxers and a big smile on his face. "How long have you been standing there?" she asks with a start.

"A while." He wraps Chuck in a hug and kisses her.

"You could've helped out," she responds, not at all serious, though.

"But you were doing just fuckin' fine on your own." He moves further into the room and slips the potholders onto his hands, opening the oven to get the hot plate out of it.

They eat the meal comfortably, enjoying the lazy nature of the day ahead of them.

"We're gonna head home today, sometime, but there's no real fuckin' rush," Negan comments after taking a bite. "I want you to relax a little bit before we get on the fuckin' road."

"Oh, I can't wait to get home and see the nursery. Finally," Chuck replies excitedly.

Negan's face drops, but he doesn't say anything.

"What?" she asks.

Negan swallows his bite. "You didn't see the nursery... before?"

"No."

"I thought that's where they fuckin' took you."

She shakes her head, realizing that she never actually told Negan exactly what happened the day she was kidnapped. "I, uh..." she scratches at her face, "I was going to go in there when I saw the doorway cut out. But Conner came through and... shoved me in that trunk. I never saw the nursery." She hangs her head at the thought of that day. "The whole thing only lasted a few minutes, I guess."

Negan reaches over and takes her hand in his. "You can fuckin' tell me what happened when you were at the compound. Okay?"

She nods. "Eldritch just... scared me more than anything. He didn't really _do_ anything. But- It was just how he talked. And how he looked at me. I was just afraid of what he _could_ do, you know?" She shakes her head. "It doesn't matter now because it's all over."

He lets out a heavy breath and squeezes her hand soothingly. "I'm never gonna let anything like that fuckin' happen to you again, okay? You don't have to be afraid."

She looks up at him and nods.

Negan leans back and takes another bite. "But you might still have to wait a fuckin' bit before you can see the nursery," he brings it back to the original topic.

"Really?" she huffs in disappointment.

"It was kind of a fuckin' mess."

She looks at him in confusion. "Mess?"

He just shakes his head. "I'll get it cleaned and perfect again. I fuckin' promise."

Chuck can tell that there's more to the story, but he doesn't want to tell her. She decides not to push him for any more information. She's not sure she wants to know, anyway.

After they clear the dishes, they dress in some new clean clothes that Aaron had dropped off yesterday, a pair of dark wash jeans and white T-shirt for Negan, and some actual maternity jeans and a sweater for Chuck.

"I want you to stay here for a little bit while I get some shit done," Negan says as he throws their dirty clothes into the hamper in the closet.

"What?" Chuck calls out quickly, disappointed that Negan wants to separate from her again.

He looks back at her, almost shocked. "I know, okay?" He walks back over to her and runs his hands up her arms. "It'll only be like a fuckin' hour. I promise. Then we can lounge around."

She lets out a huff. "I just got you back," she whispers dejectedly. "And you were gone all day yesterday."

"I'm sorry, baby girl." He kisses her forehead. "One hour," he reiterates, "then I'm all yours the rest of the day."

"Okay."

He gives her a kiss then leaves.

True to his word, Negan comes back about an hour later. "Honey, I'm home!" he announces as he walks through the door.

Chuck looks up from the random book she had found and smiles at him. "That's pretty corny, Negan."

He just shrugs with a smile on his face. "Come on." He holds his arm out to gesture for her to come to him. "I want to get on the radio to tell they guys we're gonna head the fuck home today. Wanna come with?"

Chuck stands from the couch. "Yeah. I'll go. But if you're getting on the radio now, what were you just doing?"

He pauses. "Business," he answers with a smirk.

"Bad business?" she asks, not really knowing what else he would have to work on.

He answers, "Good business."

They meet up with Eugene in the radio room as he fiddles with some of the equipment. "Hi, Eugene," Chuck greets happily.

Eugene looks up from his work momentarily. "Hello, Chuck. Negan," he greets back in his monotone voice.

"I need to use the radio," Negan calls out.

Eugene looks back up to him. "We had a minor kerfuffle regarding some stripped wires that were in contact where they shouldn't be, but I have replaced said offending wires and am just about ready to screw this back shut."

"Do you need help?" Chuck offers.

"That's a negative." He puts the cover back on the unit and starts to screw it back into place. "I will have this done in a jiffy, as they say."

Negan gives Chuck a look as if to say, "That guy's weird," but Chuck just shrugs. Eugene _is_ a little weird, but he likes a lot of the same things she does.

"Did you guys find any more comics?" Chuck asks as he finishes up.

"I may have some complete series and graphic novels I could lend you."

"Cool. I could send some your way, too. When I get back."

He stands up after plugging everything back in. "That would be copacetic."

"Are we good to go?" Negan butts in.

"Yes, sir," Eugene answers and steps aside so Negan can sit in the chair. He switches the radio to The Sanctuary's channel for Negan, then exits.

Negan pushes the button on the microphone. "Who's on the horn?"

" _It's Laura, sir. I'll get Simon._ "

A moment later, Simon gets on. " _What's up, boss?_ "

"I want to head home today. Tell the doc to be fuckin' ready to give Chuck an ultrasound as soon as we get the fuck back."

" _Sure thing, boss._ "

"And get some guys to check the roadways and make sure that shit is clear for us. Then they can escort me and Chuck home."

" _Yeah, okay. I'll tell 'em._ "

"And stress to them to be fuckin' thorough. And I mean _thorough_."

" _Okay. It'll take a bit so sit tight._ "

Negan turns back to Chuck. "Looks like we got some time to kill."

They decide to walk the grounds, since the weather's not that chilly yet. And especially since Chuck hasn't really seen much of the neighborhood.

"You cold?" Negan asks.

She looks up to him with a smile. "Nope. I'm good. I love this sweater weather. Fall is my favorite."

"I know it is." Negan leads them to a bench near a pond in the center of town. He props Lucille up on the end of the bench and throws his arm around Chuck's shoulder.

Chuck leans into him. "It's really nice here."

"If you like this suburbia shit, I guess," Negan responds, not exactly enthusiastically.

Chuck giggles at his reaction. "But no place is as good as The Sanctuary."

"Is that so?" he teases.

"Yup. And I happen to know the boss, so you can trust me," she jokes back.

"Do you, now?" he teases and pulls her into him to give her a kiss. But when he pulls back, his face is more serious. "Listen, when we get home, some things are gonna be different."

"Different how?"

"The wives are gone. They moved downstairs."

Chuck furrows her brows. "Really?"

"Yeah. I should've done it fuckin' sooner. You're the only one I want."

Chuck smiles. "Yeah?"

"Of fuckin' course, Chuck. You're my girl."

She can't help but smile. "Well, you're my guy."

"Damn right I am." He kisses her again.

Chuck giggles, but her thoughts bring her back to what Negan had just told her. "Are the wives okay?"

"Yeah. Kayla's with her boyfriend. And Sherry's back with Dwight. Frankie and Tonya have been staying with Simon, so they'll need their own fuckin' room when I get back, I guess. I'm sure Simon wants them outta his hair."

Chuck thinks about what it will be like living away from the women that she has grown to see like family. It saddens her, but at the same time, she wants the women to be able to live their own lives. And that just wasn't an option for them before, really. Now, they can live more for themselves, which makes Chuck happy.

"So, no one's been living upstairs?" Chuck asks.

"Just me."

"By yourself?"

"Yup."

"What about the cats? Are you taking care of them."

Negan chuckles. "They moved downstairs with the wives. Well, _former_ wives. The girls, I guess," he settles on the new name.

"Can the cats move back upstairs when we get back."

"Of course, baby girl. I just... I wasn't in the fuckin' position to take care of them while you were gone."

That worries Chuck. She hates to think about how upset Negan was during this whole thing. And it makes that familiar guilt bloom in her chest. "I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize, sweetheart. It wasn't your fault." He runs his hand down her cheek. "The top floor is gonna be just for us now. And our family." He sets his hand on her belly. "We got all those rooms to fill with our fuckin' kids."

Chuck laughs. "Let's just get the first one out before we plan on any more. This one might be a terror."

Negan chuckles. "Fair enough. Just know, we always got the fuckin' option."

"You know, you wouldn't like the prospect of having a bunch of kids if _you_ were the one that had to push them out of one of _your_ orifices."

Negan laughs a hearty laugh. "Maybe."

"Definitely." She giggles.

"The fact that you're gonna push that baby out for me makes me love you so fuckin' much. You have no idea."

Before Chuck can respond, Negan shifts himself off of the bench to kneel on one knee in front of her. He grabs her hand in his and looks right into her eyes. "Chuck, will you fuckin' marry me?"

Chuck laughs in confusion. "Negan! We're already married!"

Negan stands and pulls Chuck up with him. He turns around and points across the way to a building with a steeple. "They got a fuckin' church here. And a gen-u-ine man of the fuckin' cloth named Gabriel. Let's do it fuckin' proper."

"You want to?"

"Fuck yes, I do!"

She smiles up at him and nods. "Okay, then. Let's do it." She's not exactly sure what a surprise wedding with just her, Negan, and the priest will entail, but she's excited, nonetheless.

Negan takes her hand in his and the pair excitedly walk to the church. Negan opens the door for Chuck, but when she walks through, she's surprised to see everyone sitting in the pews, except for Gabriel, she assumes from the collar, who is standing in the back.

Chuck stops in her tracks and turns back to Negan, realizing what exactly the business was that he did earlier. "So this is what you were doing this morning? Setting up a surprise wedding?" she whispers.

"Yup," he answers with a smug expression on his face. "Stay here." Negan runs ahead to stand by Gabriel, propping Lucille up close to him. Chuck is initially confused at what he's doing. When Aaron comes up beside her with a small bouquet of wildflowers, she realizes why Negan went ahead.

"Is it okay if I walk you down the aisle?" Aaron asks.

Chuck's eyes instantly well up with tears. "I'd love you to."

Aaron hands Chuck the bouquet and loops his arm around hers. "Ready, Chucky?"

She looks down the aisle at Negan, who is looking back at her with the biggest smile on his face. "I'm ready."

Aaron nods to a woman sitting at the organ at the front of the room and she turns to start playing. The familiar melody of the Bridal Chorus rings through the church and everyone stands to watch Aaron lead Chuck down the aisle toward Negan. When she gets to the front of the church, Aaron kisses her on the cheek and takes his seat by Eric in the front row.

"You okay?" Negan whispers as he wipes her cheek of a tear with his thumb.

"I'm perfect," she answers.

Gabriel clears his throat. "I didn't have a lot of time to prepare, so I'll just go by my memory. It's been a while since I've done this."

"I don't give a shit what you say as long as you end with, 'You may kiss the bride.'"

Everyone chuckles at that. Including Chuck. She can tell Negan is very excited about this.

Gabriel begins, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Negan and Chuck." Gabriel pauses to look at both of them. "They have come together in this world full of strife. But even so, their love has shown brightly over adversity. Over hardship. Over the hatred that seems to thrive in times like these. And like it says in Proverbs 10:12, 'Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.' It is more important now than ever before that we come together and love one another. 'Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.' 1 Peter 4:8."

Chuck had never been religious, but she's actually getting choked up at Father Gabriel's words. Negan quickly swipes the tear from her cheek before it can fall and takes her hands tightly in his.

Gabriel continues. "It's easy to focus on our troubles. Especially now. But we have to remember, love will always find a way. Through everything, love will survive. This union is testament to that. And that love is never more evident than when two people decide to bring a child into the world." He gestures to Chuck and looks between her and Negan. "I _am_ available for baptisms," he jokes and everyone laughs.

Gabriel continues. "Would you like to recite your own vows?" he asks the couple.

"Yes!" Negan calls out while Chuck looks on, far less enthusiastic about the idea. "What?" he asks her.

Chuck shrugs a little, looking from the people in the pews back to Negan. "I don't know what to- I don't have anything prepared."

"Neither do I." Negan lets out a breath. "Well, just fuckin' listen, then, cuz I got shit to say." He clears his throat and looks directly into Chuck's eyes. "I know people might think our relationship now is a little fuckin' weird considering our past, how we met. But I don't give a shit. You were always my girl. Even if it was in a different way back then. I _always_ wanted what was fuckin' best for you. And you're what's fuckin' best for me. Before you came back into my life, I was going through the fuckin' motions. But, you gave me something more to fuckin' live for. More than just fuckin' surviving because the alternative is marginally fuckin' worse." He moves his hand from hers to cup her cheek. "And I know, this whole 'marriage' shit, I've fucked it up before, but, I promise you, I _swear_ , I'm not gonna fuck this up. Not with you. Not with our kid. All I want to do is make you happy for the rest of my life. Give you and our kid every-fuckin'-thing you could ever want." He takes a deep breath. "I just love you so fuckin' much, baby girl."

Chuck tries to hold back the tears that are threatening to fall. "Oh, Negan, I-" She's at a loss for what to say.

Negan wipes her cheeks. "It's okay, sweetheart. You don't have to say anything. We can just get to the kissing part." He chuckles.

"No, I- I want to say something, too." She takes a deep breath and clears her throat. "No one in my entire life has ever made me feel the way you do. I always thought love would never come to be because... I never thought I was good enough for someone else to love me. But you make me feel good. You make me feel beautiful and smart and funny. And wanted. I never thought I fit anywhere, but I think that's just because I fit with you. We fit together perfectly, somehow. You know?" She takes another breath. "You saved my life. More than once. And more than one way. You were my friend, my _best_ friend at a time when I was struggling. Now, I'm living a life I never thought I would and it's all because of you. You make me feel loved, happy. You made me a wife. And you're gonna make me a mom to your child. I never thought any of that would happen to me." She clears her throat and giggles in nervousness. "I'm sorry. I'm rambling. These are, like, the worst vows ever." She looks out to all the people who are looking squarely at her and thinks about how stupid she must sound to them.

"It's perfect," Negan quickly responds. "What you said is beautiful as shit."

Chuck laughs, but she can see that he's a little misty eyed. "You think?"

"I fuckin' _know_." Negan turns to Gabriel. "Come on, Father. Get to end."

Gabriel clears his throat. "The rings?"

"Oh, shit. I almost forgot." Negan shoves his hand in his pocket and produces two gold rings. One is a plain band and the smaller one is inlaid with diamonds. He hands the larger one to Chuck and keeps the other delicately between his fingers. When Chuck looks up at him with a questioning look, he just smirks. "It was a busy hour this morning."

Chuck realizes that Negan must've set all this up _and_ gone out to get these rings in the time he was gone.

Gabriel looks to Chuck. "Do you take this man, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for as long as you shall live?"

Chuck smiles. "I do." She lifts Negan's hand and slips the ring on his finger.

Gabriel turns to Negan. "Do you take this woman, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for as long as you shall live?"

"You bet your fuckin' collared ass I do." He lifts her hand. "I hope the goddamn ring fits," he mutters before he slides the ring down her finger.

"It's perfect," Chuck whispers. She stares at it for a moment before looking back up to Negan, who has a big smile on his face.

Negan turns back to Gabriel and does the "wrap this up" hand gesture.

Gabriel takes his cue. "Uh. Without further ado, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss-"

Negan doesn't even wait for Gabriel to finish before he pulls Chuck into him and crashes his lips onto hers causing the audience to laugh and cheer.

Chuck giggles and pulls away when Negan shows no signs of stopping. "Negan!"

The whole room laughs harder.

"Fuck yeah! We're married!" Negan beams.

"That was probably the shortest, most swear-y wedding of all time," Chuck comments and she can hear the crowd chuckle.

Negan turns to the audience. "Let's go fuckin' party!"

"Party?" Chuck asks.

Negan gives her a smug smile. "It was a _very_ busy hour this morning."

Everyone heads off to the backyard of one of the houses, which is set up with tables and food.

"Sit down, sweetheart," Negan says to Chuck. "I'll get us some food."

As she heads to the table, people come up to her and congratulate her. She thanks them all politely. When Negan comes back with the food, they eat, all the while socializing with the Alexandrians.

Even though people are congratulating the happy couple, they are also celebrating the successful battle on Eldritch and his people, as well as the next step forward in the two groups' alliance.

The party doesn't die down when the people from The Sanctuary arrive. They join in the festivities for a short while, until Negan instructs everyone to get ready to get back on the road. Chuck and Negan say their goodbyes and meet with their people by the cars, including Dwight, who was cleared to travel by Siddiq. He has some broken ribs and bruises, but isn't in too bad of shape.

"Alright, people," Negan calls out to his saviors. "Me and my wife are gonna take this car here," he points to a blue sedan, "and I want y'all to act like this is a goddamn presidential motorcade. I want cars on all sides protecting me and her. We know that Eldritch's play was to have his men fuckin' kamikaze into us and I do _not_ want that to happen with Chuck in the car. Everyone get it?"

The saviors all give their "yes, sirs" and everyone piles into the cars. But the whole time Chuck is dwelling on what Negan has said.

Chuck waits until Negan has pulled out of the gates before she speaks up. "Why are you worried about an attack? You said it was all over."

He flicks his gaze to her for a moment before looking back at the road. "I'm just being fuckin' cautious."

"Eldritch is dead, right?"

He hesitates. "It's over. You don't have to fuckin' worry."

"But he's _dead_... _right_?" she presses.

Negan lets out a little huff. "If he was in that building, then he's fuckin' dead."

"' _If_ '?" Chuck repeats. "You didn't _see_ him?"

"I didn't see _any_ fuckin' bodies. Everyone in that goddamn building either turned into one of the dead and got led off or they were ripped apart so much they were just meat."

Chuck's breathing picks up. "So... he might still be out there?"

Negan places his hand over hers in her lap. "You have nothing to worry about, okay? All his goddamn men are dead. His fuckin' dead army is gone. Eldritch has been fuckin' neutralized." He moves his eyes to hers. "I promise."

"What if he comes after-"

Negan interrupts. "I am gonna make damn sure that _no one_ can ever fuckin' get to you _ever_ again. He _will not_ come after you. You're safe, you understand?"

"I was gonna say, what if he comes after _you_? What if he ambushes you when you're out? When you're going to Alexandria? Or Hilltop? What if he gets to _you_ , Negan?"

"Don't worry-"

"I know you're doing your man-'I gotta protect my family. No one takes away what's mine'-thing. But _I_ almost lost you just as much as you almost lost me. And I can't just yell at everyone to make sure you're safe. I can't keep you home and put guards on the doors. I have to let you walk out of our room every day not knowing if you'll come back. And now you're telling me that the man gunning to take you down is still out there? And that I shouldn't ' _worry_ ' about it? How can I not? How can you expect me to just be okay with this?"

Negan seems a little shocked and runs his hand over his hair. "You're right. I'll fuckin' stay with you more now. We got rid of all the communities that paid me tribute. And I can always talk with Alexandria and Hilltop and all the fuckin' outposts on the radio. Okay, sweetheart? You're gonna be fuckin' sick of me I'll be around so much," he jokes, allaying her fears.

"Really? You're gonna hang out with me all day every day?" she jokes back.

"Yup. Me and you are an _officially. married. couple_ now. We gotta do boring married couple shit."

"Like what?" she asks, wondering what he'll come up with.

"Sunday crossword."

"No papers," Chuck retorts.

"Looking at paint swatches."

"No hardware stores."

"Judging the next door neighbors for their tacky ass yard decorations."

Chuck giggles. "We live in a factory on a floor by ourselves."

"Getting our fuck on at noon."

"That one we can do."

They finally pull through the Sanctuary gates and park the vehicles. Before Negan and Chuck exit their car, Simon is right there waiting for them with his arm casually around his back. His whole face lights up when he sees Chuck.

"I'm so glad you're back, kiddo," he calls out as he steps to her.

"I'm very happy to be back, too."

Negan comes forward and claps Simon on the shoulder. "You take care of the place while I was gone?"

"Yup. I got all the guys back at their stations at the outposts. All the shit we brought back from Eldritch's compound is cataloged and stored. Filled our armory back up and then some. Oh, and, uh, me and some guys cleaned the nursery all up, too."

Chuck lets out an excited gasp. "I can see it?" She turns to Negan.

"After the ultrasound." Negan looks to Simon. "Is the fuckin' doc ready?"

"He should be," Simon answers. "But, uh," he pulls out his hand from behind his back. In it is a metal picture frame. "I asked the doc if he could print a picture out and he said he could, so I rooted around storage and found this for you guys."

Chuck takes it from his hand and looks at it. Written on the left side are the words "Baby's First Picture" and the right side has a sample ultrasound picture. "This is so nice." She smiles up at Simon.

"You're welcome, kiddo." He takes a half step toward Chuck but stops.

Chuck takes the initiative and wraps her arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. "Thank you so much. It's perfect."

"Alright, alright," Negan interrupts. "I wanna see my fuckin' kid and confirm it's a boy."

Chuck laughs and separates from Simon. "Okay, Negan. Let's go."

The couple quickly makes their way to the infirmary and gets set up to get the ultrasound. Chuck jumps up on the exam table and lifts her shirt to expose her baby bump. Carson applies the gel and smooths the wand over her belly.

"Come on, doc," Negan starts impatiently when Carson says nothing. "Tell me how my son is."

Chuck starts to get a little worried that Carson is keeping quiet, but from what she can see of the ultrasound, everything looks okay. But, then again, she doesn't have a ton of experience, only what she's read in books, really.

"Everything looks normal," Carson finally says and Chuck lets out a sigh of relief. "But the baby is a girl. Not a boy."

Chuck smiles. "A girl," she whispers then looks to Negan. His expression is unreadable. "Are you disappointed?" Negan was so sure about the baby being a boy that she doesn't know how he'll take this news.

Negan's face suddenly lightens and he lets out a laugh. "Fuck, no, I'm not disappointed! That's my little princess!" He bends down and kisses Chuck's forehead.

"You wanted a boy, though."

Negan shrugs. "I'm fully on-fuckin'-board with this little girl right here." He points to the screen. "And look at that face. Beautiful just like her mama."

Chuck laughs. Even though the baby looks very much like a baby now, with facial features and hands and all, there's no way to tell what she actually looks like. "She might look like you."

"Nah." He stares at the image. "But she's fuckin' perfect."

Carson prints out the picture and puts it in the new frame for Negan and Chuck while she cleans the gel from her stomach. She takes the picture from him when she's finished and hugs it to her chest.

Negan comes up behind her and pulls the picture away from her so he can look at it from over her shoulder. "Fuckin' perfect."

"Is there a place for this in the nursery?" Chuck asks.

"Should be."

"Let's put it up then."

"Why don't we eat dinner first."

"No!" Chuck responds quickly. "I'm not waiting a second longer!"

Negan laughs. "I'm just fuckin' joking!" He grabs her free hand and starts to lead her upstairs.

When they get to the nursery door, Chuck doesn't wait for Negan's approval and pushes past him to open it, swiftly walking into the middle of the room. Her eyes take in the sight of it all. The walls are a light teal hue surrounding a plush light gray carpet. A beautiful dark wood crib with matching teal linens sits along the left wall. To her right is a cabinet and changing table, completely stocked with diapers, powders, wipes, and everything else the baby would need. The back wall has large windows covered in matching dark wood blinds and lace curtains. Underneath the window is a bookcase stocked with children's books and trinkets. The wall behind her has a dresser and toy chest, both completely filled, Chuck's sure.

All of the walls are decorated with pictures and paintings of cute cartoon animals. But it's the pictures that Chuck focuses on. Her mother. Her father. Aaron. Her grandparents. They're all there. Just when she's about to ask about how Negan got them, she focuses on the rocking chair in the corner by the windows.

"Oh my god," she whispers and walks toward family heirloom that she thought she'd never see again. She runs her fingers lightly over the arm on it, feeling how smooth and worn it is from years of use.

"You like it?" Negan asks gently from behind her.

Chuck can't stop her tears from flowing as she turns to face him. "It's more perfect than I ever could have imagined."

Negan wipes the tears from her face and kisses her. "I'm so fuckin' happy you like it."

"I love it." She sets the ultrasound picture up on the bookshelf and sees one of her family photo albums. "You went to my house and got all this stuff?" she asks as she runs her finger over it.

Negan moves to look over her shoulder. "Yeah. You said you wanted that chair so I got it for you." He tilts his head to kiss her on the neck, eliciting a giggle from her.

"Thank you, Negan. For all this." She turns around and drapes her arms around his neck. "It's amazing."

"Everything for you, Chuck." He kisses her sweetly. "We can start thinking about fuckin' names for the baby, now. Now that we know it's a fuckin' girl."

"Well, what do you have in mind?" Chuck asks, even though she already has the perfect name picked out.


	55. Chapter 55

Some time passes at The Sanctuary. After Negan and Chuck finally get back home, they get back to their normal lives. Though there are a few changes.

Negan orders extra guards to stay upstairs on the fifth floor. In addition to Sam and José, Arat and Laura are added to the rotation. José and Sam keep their same post on the stairwell while Arat and Laura cover the freight elevator on the other end of the hall, making it so there are always two guards on the floor at all times. That is, when Chuck is upstairs.

When Chuck is downstairs, the woman on duty follows her like a bodyguard. It annoys Chuck at first, but she understands why Negan asked them to do it. And Laura and Arat do their best to be unobtrusive, which Chuck appreciates. They stay just far enough away that Chuck has her space, but close enough that they could step in if need be.

Even though Negan is true to his word and doesn't leave the gates, he still has to do his job around The Sanctuary everyday, which leaves Chuck completely alone upstairs. For the first time in her life, she actually doesn't enjoy being by herself so much. She figures it probably has something to do with being locked up in that room at Eldritch's compound, completely alone for most of the day. Or maybe it's just that she's changing to be more open to people. For the first few days back, she would walk the hall outside her and Negan's apartment. She'd start at one end and talk to either José or Sam, then walk to the other end and talk to Laura or Arat, whoever was on duty. Then she'd turn around and do it all over again.

But that is still too claustrophobic. So instead, she starts to walk around The Sanctuary. For hours she would just walk and observe everyone around her. People would talk to her pleasantly, but they'd also fuss about her. Asking her if she's okay, if she needs to eat or needs water, coming up to her with chairs so she can "rest". She knows they mean well, but it's still kind of annoying.

She visits with the former wives in all their different rooms, too. Sherry has taken to working in the kitchen full-time and living with Dwight. And Chuck admits that Sherry looks happier with him. Kayla and her boyfriend Felix have gotten more serious, so she decides to permanently move in with him. Though she still makes routine visits to Chuck to check up on her and the baby when she's not on shift in the infirmary or checking on Amber, who is nearing the end of her pregnancy. Frankie and Tonya get their own room on the third floor, their relationship together more than official now. Tonya spends her days at her chair in the marketplace giving haircuts and Frankie has her massage table set up nearby. She tells Chuck that business is good; there are always people willing to spend their points to feel a little better.

Chuck decides that she needs something to actually do with her time, so she starts teaching the kids music again. When they seem so genuinely happy to have her back, Chuck swears that her heart swells. She enjoys teaching the children so much that she starts giving lessons in the afternoon to anyone that wants it, no matter the age. Some people that come in have absolutely no music experience, but some actually do. Class time is divided up into teaching those that need it and jamming out with those that can play.

That, too, fills Chuck's heart with joy. They're all in a place now where those little things, like music and art and _fun_ , can come back. People aren't just worried where the next meal is coming from. Or whether or not they'll get attacked during the night. People are actually living.

Everyone is also enjoying the cemented alliance between the groups and the ease of passage between them. Negan and Rick have doubled down on fencing and barriers at the borders of the entire area, keeping the biters out. It's not exactly free of the dead, but Negan's domain is much safer than it once was.

The "dead zones", as Negan calls them, are serving their purpose. The noise making devices that Eugene engineered are doing their job of drawing the dead into places that they can't get out of, thus making the surrounding areas clear without any extra effort from Negan's or Rick's men. And once the temperature dips further, thus freezing the biters, all of them will be taken care of.

Because there are daily journeys between the groups, there is a freer exchange of goods and services. Alexandria has stopped needing support from The Sanctuary, so their relationship is based more on equal trade, just like everyone else. If someone at The Sanctuary needs metal goods, they trade for that with the blacksmith at Hilltop. If someone at Hilltop needs new clothes, the seamstress at Alexandria will oblige. And they all have unofficial areas that they scavenge from so there are always new goods to trade. Alexandria gets the north, Hilltop gets the west, and The Sanctuary gets the south and east.

Though Hilltop is still "owned" by Negan, it's mostly autonomous. Negan trusts Jesus to run the place well, and he has been. He gives Negan updates everyday and Negan gives his advice, but that's pretty much the end of his involvement there. Nevertheless, Negan takes credit for their success under him, and no one is inclined to question him.

Though Chuck has been spending time downstairs, she does enjoy the occasional quiet day in her room with her cats lounging all over the place. Negan moved the animals back upstairs pretty much immediately, though he stipulated that they were not allowed in the nursery. Ever. Chuck conceded as long as she could cuddle with them in their bed. And despite what Negan says about the "furry bastards", he still lets Moe curl up on his lap every time he sits in his office looking at the inventory sheets.

One day, while Chuck is walking around the marketplace, she sees a large whiteboard and gets an idea. After asking Arat nicely to carry it upstairs and help her put it up on the wall in the nursery, Chuck gets to work on it. Just as she's finishes up, she hears Negan come home.

"Come in here, Negan," she shouts. "I want to show you something."

Negan steps into the room and gives her a kiss before turning to Chuck's creation on the wall. She has turned the large whiteboard into a calendar, starting with the month of November (the current month) and ending in April with important days like Thanksgiving, winter solstice, Christmas, New Years, Easter, and the first day or spring all highlighted. But the most important day is more prominent than all the rest. April 2.

"You got my fuckin' birthday wrong," Negan says casually.

"What?" Chuck scrunches up her face in confusion. "I don't have your birthday on here at all. I don't actually know your birthday, I guess."

"Then what's that?" He points to the extra special date.

Chuck smiles wide and rests her hands on her belly. "That's the due date."

"Oh, shit!" Negan places his hand on Chuck's belly, too and turns back to the calendar. "April second, huh?" He chuckles happily.

"When's your birthday?" Chuck asks, realizing that she probably should've already known it.

"April _seventh_ ," he responds with a smirk. "We'll be celebrating two fuckin' birthdays in one week."

"The baby might not come on that day exactly. She'll decide when she's ready."

"Well, we're gonna have a big fuckin' party, regardless. Might be a dual birthday party." He moves to stand behind Chuck and wraps his arms around her belly.

"So, how old are you gonna be anyway? Fifty...eight?" Chuck teases.

"The fuck you talking about, little girl? I'm not fuckin' fifty eight!"

Chuck can't help but laugh hard at her joke.

"I'll be forty seven, for your fuckin' information," Negan fakes offense, causing Chuck to giggle more. "You know, you shouldn't be laughing, Chuck. You're the one fucking my old ass."

They both pause then start to laugh together as Negan's words sink in.

"Get your mind outta the fuckin' gutter, perv," Negan jokes. "I didn't mean it that way." He pauses. "Though I'm not opposed to the idea," he tacks on with a smirk.

Chuck turns around in his arms and smacks his chest. "Negan!" she chides, but she's still laughing.

He chuckles then shrugs his shoulders innocently. "What? You know, I'm pretty sure we got some strapons in storage you could use."

"Why on earth would you have strapons in storage?"

"The guys ran across an untouched sex shop and brought the whole fuckin' thing back a while ago."

"Really?" Chuck asks a little incredulously.

"Yeah. That shit's just been sitting there this whole time. But it did come in fuckin' handy, I guess."

Chuck scrunches up her face trying to think of how stuff from a sex store would be handy in any other way but the obvious one.

Negan chuckles at her, apparently picking up on her confusion. "When we destroyed Eldritch's shit, I had the guys suit up in latex sex suits so they could gut up and get through the fuckin' biters without getting sick."

Negan had never told Chuck the details about the assault on Eldritch's compound and she never really asked. The details aren't important. The only thing that Chuck cares about is the fact that Eldritch isn't a threat anymore.

"Latex sex suits?" Chuck asks in confusion. She's never heard of such a thing.

Negan laughs again. "Yeah. Suits made of fuckin' latex so it covers all your skin."

Chuck tries to picture it. "How is that sexy? One of the best parts of sex is feeling your skin on mine. I don't think I could do it all covered up. With latex, no less."

Negan just smiles at her for a moment.

"What?" she asks.

"You're just so goddamn cute." Negan leans in to kiss her.

Chuck can tell by Negan's movements that he's going to want more, but she has something else she wants to talk to him about. "Wait." She pushes him away slightly. "Before we get too far, I want to talk to you about something."

Negan groans.

"It's not bad."

"It means we're not fucking right now, so, yeah, it's bad."

Chuck gives Negan an unimpressed look, which makes him let out a sigh. He moves to the doorway and holds his arm out, gesturing for Chuck to cross the threshold back into their bedroom. She walks forward and sits on the edge of the bed. Negan follows suit, sitting beside her.

"So, what's on your mind?" Negan asks.

Chuck takes a deep breath and lets it out, nervous about what she's going to talk about. "I love the nursery," she starts.

"Okay...?" Negan responds. "Is that it? Can we fuck now?"

"Negan," she bites back.

"Okay, okay. Sorry."

"I just wanted to say... I love that you got all those pictures of my family for our daughter to see. Because she'll never get the chance to meet her grandparents, but she can still know their faces. She'll still know my family. Where she came from."

"Yeah," he replies softly. But there is some confusion behind it.

Chuck continues tentatively. "But she didn't just come from me. She comes from you, too. A-And I know you have those pictures and things in your closet. I'd like to frame some of them and put them-"

"I don't have any pictures of my family, Chuck. My father was a fucking monster and... I don't have any pictures of my mom."

"Lucille was your family. And Simon, too."

Negan just stares back at Chuck. "Why would you-" He stops and rakes his hand through his hair.

"Lucille was a big part of your life. I don't want to hide that from our daughter."

"Do you realize-" He huffs out a breath. "You want our kid to know I was a piece of shit husband?"

Chuck doesn't know how to respond to that. "I just want her to know your past. My past. _Our_ past. She's not gonna live the kind of life we had. She's not gonna have high school dances and field trips. Go to college. It'll be completely foreign to her. But I want her to _know_ about it. And, _no_ , I don't particularly want to tell her about your... indiscretions. But I don't want to hide your whole life either."

Negan stands and starts to pace slowly without saying anything.

"There has to be good memories in that box, too," Chuck says quietly. "Memories you'd want to share with her."

Negan turns back to Chuck, but again, he doesn't say anything. He slowly moves over to the closet and finds his memento box. He sits back down beside Chuck with the box in his lap.

"I really don't know why I even took this shit. It was... right after me and Simon got this place cleaned up. Before we had any other fuckin' people here. I decided to go back to my house by my-fuckin'-self." He starts to root through the box. "The place was fuckin' trashed. Nothing of use was left. Pantry was empty. My tools, gone. My fuckin' Impala, gone. Handgun I kept in the closet..." He shakes his head. "I shoved all my personal shit everyone left behind in a bag. I just... I don't fuckin' know. I didn't _need_ this shit. But I had found a fuckin' place to live and I just..."

"You wanted part of your old life with you," Chuck answers for him.

Negan nods slightly. "When I was rooting around the fuckin' closet, I found my old baseball bat. Lucille bought it for me when I first got the job at the school." He sighs. "She said I was gonna 'Knock it outta the park'." He chuckles sadly.

"That's ...Lucille?" Chuck questions softly.

Negan nods. "Barbed wire came a little later. When more people came. The name came later, too. I don't fuckin know why I did that. It's fucking insane, isn't it?"

"No." Chuck smooths her hand over the back of Negan's head. "You were hurting. Processing everything."

Negan finds a picture of him and Simon. They're teenagers, probably fourteen or fifteen, and it looks like they're just hanging out in the woods. But they're laughing.

Negan looks at the picture and starts to talk. "Simon's family lived next door to the first foster family I stayed with after my mom died. Me and him were fast fuckin' friends. Never experienced anything like it before or since. We just got each other immediately. Shit, I spent more time at Simon's house than where I was supposed to be. I guess that's why my foster family got rid of me. Said I wasn't 'bonding'." He shrugs. "I moved across town after that. But me and Simon still fuckin' hung out. Got ourselves into trouble more than once." He chuckles.

"I _bet_ you got into trouble," Chuck comments with a giggle.

Negan's face turns more somber. "Simon was really the only person I fuckin' cared about after my mom died. Before Lucille, anyway. I lived with six different families before I turned eighteen." He chuckles humorlessly. "But the whole fuckin' sob story of my life got me some kickass grants and scholarships. That's pretty much the only reason I even went to fuckin' college."

Chuck feels a sadness with what Negan has said. He never had a real family in his life. That fact is probably why having a child is so important to him. He wants to make the family he never had.

Negan pulls out his college diploma. "Look at this shit." He opens it up so she can see. "What a fuckin' waste."

"It wasn't a waste. You taught a ton of kids for a long time because of that. It meant something." She takes it from him and sets it down beside her. "We're putting it up in the office."

"We are?"

"Yes."

Negan finds a picture of him standing in some sort of museum and shows Chuck. "Baseball Hall of Fame. Me and Lucille took a trip to New York for our ten year anniversary. She wanted to see Wicked." He shrugs a shoulder. "It actually wasn't too fuckin' bad."

"So you made her go to the baseball museum because she made you go to a play?"

"Not at all. Lucille fuckin' loved baseball. Her dad was a goddamn nut about it. Took her to games all the time when she was a kid. Baseball was the only thing me and him could fuckin' talk about. He hated my goddamn guts, otherwise. But when we talked baseball... It was like he forgot he hated me so much. He even showed me his baseballs signed by the fuckin' greats. Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, Joe DiMaggio, Cy Young, Willie Mays," he rattles off.

Chuck listens intently, but can't manage to mirror Negan's enthusiasm about the men he's talking about. Especially because she doesn't know who they are. "I recognize some of those names..." She grimaces a little at her lie. "One of those names."

"What?!" Negan responds, shocked at her lack of baseball knowledge.

Chuck shrugs. "You know I'm not into sports."

"You should still know the fuckin' greats!"

Chuck giggles. "You'll have to teach me."

After going through some other pictures and keepsakes, he finally pulls out his wedding picture, though he doesn't really look at it.

"It's okay, Negan," Chuck whispers as she rubs his back. "I know this isn't easy."

Negan takes a deep breath and looks at the picture, staring at it in silence for a few minutes. "I'm glad you made me fuckin' do this," he says quietly and touches Lucille's face in the picture.

Chuck is shocked. She expected him to fight her on this. And definitely not be happy about it. "Really?"

"Yeah. I never wanted to think about... Lucille... because all I could see was her in her hospital bed. Or the look on her face when I'd come home from fucking some other girl. But you were fuckin' right. There are good memories here." He lets out a sigh. "I just gotta let myself remember them."

After a moment, he pulls out a picture that Chuck recognizes. It's the picture her mother took of her and Negan at her graduation.

"This," she takes the picture from his hand, "This was in my house, wasn't it?"

Negan nods. "I didn't want to put it up. Thought maybe it made me look like a fuckin' pedo."

Chuck laughs. "It's an innocent picture!" She looks at it closely. "It's pretty much the only picture of me I ever liked. I took a copy of it with me to college. And then to my apartment in the city."

Chuck studies the picture then looks back up to Negan. The smile on her face falls when she sees that his own face looks sad.

"What's wrong?" she asks.

"I should've kept in touch with you."

She casts her gaze downward. "It's okay, Negan. I didn't expect you-"

"You kept this photo with you? At college? After?"

"Yeah," she answers, a little confused at why Negan is questioning it.

"Did you have _any_ fuckin' friends after high school?"

Chuck shrugs, not wanting to admit that she really didn't.

Negan lets out a huff and shakes his head. "You wouldn't've held onto that damn picture if you had anyone else."

"I was fine, Negan. I did four years of college in three, so... I was busy. I didn't need friends."

"Goddamnit, Chuck," he mutters. "I should've kept in fuckin' touch."

"What would we have done together? I was a teenager and you were... _married_! With a job and a house. I couldn't exactly relate. And would you have gone to frat parties with me?"

"We could've-" he scratches his cheek. "I could've taken you to goddamn baseball games. Made sure you were doing alright. Made sure you were happy. I shouldn't have just dropped you."

"Well, why didn't you keep in touch?"

Negan lets out a heavy breath and starts to answer Chuck's question.

— Negan's POV —

— Seven years ago —

"You all ready, honey?" Lucille says to me as I walk toward our front door. She's got her fuckin' coffee cup in her hand, just about ready to leave herself. She's got a house to show in an hour.

"Yeah," I kiss her on the cheek when she walks to me. "I should be back for dinner. At least I fuckin' hope I will. If this thing goes long, I might just fuckin' kill myself."

She laughs at me. "Come on! This is a good thing."

I guess she's fuckin' right. I got invited to this goddamn "Sports and Education" conference because my baseball team went pretty fuckin' far last year. Almost won the division. And there's gonna be coaches and educators from all over the state there.

But I hate shit like that. It's just guys fuckin' jerking themselves off to the crowd and saying how fuckin' amazing they are. I don't have to _talk_ about winning to show that I'm fuckin' successful. I fuckin' _win_ and that's that.

However... the school kinda lost their shit over it, thinking that my appearance at this stupid ass conference will translate into more money for the school. So I was gently persuaded to attend. And by "gently persuaded", I mean Principal Addams told me that she'd personally kick my ass if I fucked this up. And she probably would. She's a fuckin' hard ass.

That means I gotta fuckin' schmooze the right people. Which I fuckin' hate. But whatever. I gotta do it.

And I _may_ have a _little bit_ of an ulterior motive in wanting to go there.

This conference is at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville. My own alma mater. And it just so happens to be the college that my former fuckin' favorite student attends.

Chuck.

I've been thinking about her a lot lately. I don't fuckin' know why. The last time I fuckin' saw her was months ago right after she graduated. But recently, she's been on my mind for some reason. And I can't really do much about it without looking really fuckin' weird. I can'r exactly fuckin' call her up outta the blue. " _Hey, barely legal former student. It's me, the guy that fuckin' taught you. Yeah, I'm still twenty years older than you and really have no business talking to you anymore. How's things?_ "

Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

I've seen her mom a few times out and about and I always casually ask how Chuck is. She says she's good, so that's all I really know. That _should_ be enough for me to know. I mean, I've seen former students before. I've asked about them, what they're doing. And, sure, I wanna know they're doing good. In a friendly sorta mentor kinda fuckin' way.

But Chuck is different. And it's really fuckin' confusing for me.

This is a fuckin' recent thing, too. And I don't know why exactly shit changed. Chuck was my student. She was my _student_. And that was it. It always was. But now when I think about her... it's just... _confusing_.

I _don't_ want to fuck her. I mean, it's not like I would _hate_ to fuck her. But... Shit, I shouldn't even think about it. She's got that fuckin' baby face! But that body of hers...

Goddamn, only a fuckin' perv would think that way.

No, it's not like that! ...Is it?

No. It's not like I think about burying my dick in her like I do with most women. Yeah, I know, that's fuckin' sexist. But I can't help it. I love fucking women. And women love fucking me. But eighteen is _way_ too fuckin' young. Shit, I haven't fucked an eighteen year old since I was... twenty two, probably. And I sure as hell ain't twenty two now. I'm pushing fuckin' forty!

It's ...different with Chuck, anyway. I don't know how to describe it. It's... like I said, _confusing_.

I'm just hoping seeing Chuck again will answer some fuckin' questions. If I immediately wanna fuck her brains out, then I guess I'm turning into a perv in my old age. That's not ideal, but I guess I can fuckin' deal with it. Not that I'd try to fuck her, really. I mean... I don't know. It just seems wrong. If I see her and it's just the same protective, teacher/student shit, then that's that. I've just been fuckin' thinking about her because I'm worried and haven't seen her in a while. Then I can stop freaking the fuck out about it.

It's been fuckin' weird these last few weeks. I don't wanna tell anyone about it. Everyone at school is completely fuckin' out. If I say I've been thinking about a female student, even a former one, shit would get investigated. And I'm a little too ashamed to tell Simon. He's got a niece Chuck's age; I don't want him thinking I go for girls that young.

Lucille... I can't fuckin' tell Lucille. How the fuck could I? " _Oh yeah, Lucille, I've been constantly thinking about some girl. Wanna discuss it?_ " Yeah, no. She hasn't even talked about Chuck since... probably the last time we fuckin' saw her. Like, not at all. I don't know if maybe she knows...? Nah. She can't. _I_ haven't fuckin' talked about Chuck either, so why would Lucille think something's up?

The drive to Charlottesville takes about two hours, but it feels like fuckin' forever. I just keep thinking about what I'm gonna do when I get there. Should I look Chuck up? That seems weird. Should I just walk around campus and try to run the fuck into her? Like it was an accident?

I let out a huff and turn the radio up in my truck to try to drown out the thoughts. "I'm fuckin' horrible," I mutter to myself.

The conference... _confers_ , I guess. And I schmooze all the right people, so I don't have to worry about getting my ass kicked tomorrow by a sixty year old woman when I go back to work. The whole thing was enough to distract me, but now that it's over, I'm back to kinda freaking the fuck out.

I walk around campus aimlessly, sorta hoping that I'll come across Chuck randomly. That seems like the most fuckin' organic way to... I don't know, get this shit started. But I don't run into her. I'm just about ready to throw in the towel and find a student directory when I see her walking a ways away.

She looks exactly the fuckin' same. I mean, I guess it's only been less than a year that I saw her last. That red hair of hers put up in those two buns she always wore. She's dressed in tight jeans and a baggy hoodie with her backpack slung over her shoulder.

She must be done for the fuckin' day because it looks like she's headed back to where the dorms are. I start to walk quickly to catch up with her, but still trying to look fuckin' casual.

My fuckin' phone starts to ring, so I pull it out of my pocket without stopping. Lucille's picture fills the screen and I push the button to silence the ring. But then something just fuckin' tells me to answer it. So I do.

"Hey, baby," I say as I slow a little, but don't stop walking. Chuck is still in my sight, and I want to get to her before she gets to her dorm. Following a college girl to her room seems like a bad fuckin' idea.

" _Negan?_ " Lucille's voice sounds weird.

I stop in my tracks. "What's wrong."

She clears her throat. " _I'm in the hospital._ "

"What?! Are you okay? What the fuck happened?"

"I-I collapsed at the house I was showing. The clients called the ambulance." She lets out a breath. "The doctors are doing tests."

"I'm leaving right the fuck now." I turn away and walk in the opposite direction of where the fuck I was headed.

The whole ride to the hospital, the only thing I could think about was that I probably already know what the doctors are gonna fuckin' find when I get there.

— —

"Her cancer had come back," Negan explains with his head cast down.

"I'm sorry, Negan." Chuck grabs his hand and holds it in her lap.

"She fought it so fuckin' hard. And I was there every step of the fuckin' way. We thought we beat it a few times. But..." He shakes his head. "I focused on Lucille then. I didn't step out on her. Didn't even fuckin' think about it. That's why I didn't..." He lifts his head to look at Chuck with tear-filled eyes. "I could've still _called_ you, at least."

"No." Chuck wipes his cheek. "You were exactly where you needed to be. You did right by Lucille in the end."

"If I had kept in touch... I could've had you with me. You wouldn't've gone through all that shit you did."

"Negan," Chuck shakes her head, "don't feel guilty for things you had no control over. And just..." she cradles his face in her hands, "look to the _future_ with me. The past is the past."

Negan nods then wraps his arms around Chuck, holding her tight until long after the sun sets.

Because everyone had such a good time on Halloween, people ask for more holiday celebrations, the next one being Thanksgiving on November 26th. The community meal is all planned with as many traditional dishes they can manage. The most important dish, of course, being the turkey.

Max and his hunting party are very successful and manage to get about forty good sized turkeys, enough for everyone at The Sanctuary and the outposts to have some. There is even enough to send the excess to Hilltop to feed them. When Negan tells Jesus that he is going to be sending turkey his way, Jesus says that the Hillfolk would return the favor by making pumpkin pies. They get the pies all ready and send them along with some saviors to be cooked in The Sanctuary's industrial ovens.

The day before the holiday is very busy for the kitchen, making sure that all the food is ready to be cooked the following day for the community meal. But Negan assures the kitchen workers that they will be rewarded with extra points for their extra effort.

The day is also busy for another reason. Amber goes into labor in the early afternoon. She requests that Chuck be present in the infirmary to help out with the delivery, and Chuck obliges, though she more often than not just stands back and allows Carson and Kayla to do their thing.

Chuck thought she was prepared for the experience, having read all the books that Carson had provided several times each, but she definitely was not. And it most certainly didn't look like any childbirth she had seen from tv or movies. But of course, it's all worth it in the end. It takes about two hours, but Amber births a healthy baby girl.

After the baby is cleaned and has some bonding time with her parents, Amber hands her new daughter to Chuck to hold. The baby fusses for a moment, but soon settles in Chuck's arms.

"She's so perfect," Chuck whispers in awe, never having held a newborn before. "Look at those big blue eyes." Chuck runs her hand over the soft tuft of hair on the top of the baby's head. "And blonde hair, too."

"She's beautiful," Kayla comments as she looks at the child.

Chuck doesn't linger too long, knowing that Amber and Mark would like time alone with their baby. When she gets back upstairs, she's delighted to see that Negan is cooking dinner.

"How'd it go?" he asks, still standing at the stove preparing their meal.

Chuck lets out a sigh of relief as she sits down at the the counter, thankful to get off her feet. "Really good. Everyone's healthy."

Negan turns back to peek at her. "You look fuckin' tired."

"My back just kinda hurts. And I'm starving."

After they eat, they curl up on the couch and watch old dvds of The X Files.

"Fuck, Gillian Anderson was hot."

Chuck shoots him a look. She is leaning on the opposite arm of the couch with her legs curled up beside her while Negan has his legs kicked up and crossed on an ottoman.

"What?" Negan glances at her and chuckles. "You know I got a fuckin' thing for redheads," he teases.

Chuck stretches out her leg to kick his thigh lightly.

"Oh, _I'm_ not allowed to say some actress is hot?" he asks incredulously.

Chuck just shrugs, already aware of where this conversation is going to go.

Negan puts on a higher pitched voice. "'God, Chris fuckin' Whatevers-worths abs are ridiculous! Dean Winchester has jaw bones for days!"

Chuck can't help but giggle at his impression of her, but she's trying to look mad, even though his point has been made. She knows she does talk about various actors a lot.

He continues. "That dude from that shitty Superman movie is _gorgeous_."

Chuck steels herself to give him her most serious look. "I'll have you know, Dean Winchester _does_ have jawbones for days," she deadpans.

"Come here," he teasingly growls and grabs her feet to start tickling them in his lap.

Chuck laughs uncontrollably. "Stop! No tickling!"

"Alright, alright." He stops, but doesn't remove his hands from her feet. Instead, he starts to rub them. "You know, I don't say shit when you talk about all those fuckin' hunky guys."

"Well, it's not like you have anything to worry about."

"And you have to worry about Gillian Anderson circa 1996 coming here?"

Chuck laughs at the absurdity. "Point taken."

He continues to massage her feet. "You know I got the biggest fuckin' boner for you anyways."

She giggles. "My husband, the poet."

"What? That's romantic as shit if you really think about it."

The way Negan is rubbing the soreness out of her feet has Chuck thinking about what she did today. "Did you ever watch an actual birth?"

"I saw a video in college. It was kinda fucked up."

"I know, right! Like... I felt really bad for Amber's vagina."

Negan laughs. "It seems fuckin' insane that you're gonna push a baby sized thing out of your tight ass pussy."

"It kinda freaked me out. Like, there were all kinds of bodily fluids going on. And Amber was screaming in pain. It was just kinda intense. And I'm gonna experience all that, too."

"You'll get through it, baby girl. You're tough as shit."

"Amber's baby is really cute, though," she comments with a smile.

"They name her?"

"Yeah. Skyler Alice. Amber said Alice was her sister's name."

"Shit. I guess we should get on finding a fuckin' name for _our_ kid."

Chuck shrugs a little. She's been going over that very thing in her mind for a while, but she's been a little worried that Negan won't like the name she wants.

Negan looks up like he's thinking. "It's gotta be something cool, like 'Negan', but something cute like 'Chuck'. Hmm." He hums, still thinking.

"Uh." Chuck clears her throat. "How about... umm. Well... I think I have a good name."

"Well?" he prods when Chuck doesn't actually say it.

"Madeline Rose."

Negan's face instantly drops, but he says nothing.

Chuck can feel her blood pool in her cheeks. "You don't like it," she says more as a statement than a question.

He just stares for a moment longer before speaking. "Madeline was my mom's name."

Chuck waits for him to say something else, but he doesn't. And his reaction makes Chuck not want to admit that she knows that that's his mother's name. "So... you don't like it?"

"I... didn't say that."

"I just... uh. I liked it. And I thought of 'Rose' for the middle name for my mom. 'Cause she always smelled like roses. And also... you know, for Lucille, too. Since you said roses were her favorite."

Negan still doesn't say anything. He just blinks like he has to process it.

"But also, I wanted 'Rose' so I could call her 'Rosie Cotton'."

Negan finally cracks a smile. "It's fuckin' perfect."

"Really?" Chuck exclaims. "You really like it?"

He smiles wide. "I fuckin' love it." He moves to lean over Chuck's belly. "My little Madeline." He softly strokes the baby bump with his fingers. "Our baby Maddie."

The cafeteria is, of course, a little crowded because the entire Sanctuary is there for their Thanksgiving dinner. The whole thing goes off without a hitch, though. Each table of six is given a half of a turkey so they can carve it themselves, which made it easier on the kitchen workers.

Negan, naturally, is the one who carves the turkey at their table, which also includes Simon, Patty, Sherry, and Dwight. But before that happens, Negan stands to give a speech to the packed room.

"Today is fuckin' Thanksgiving! And in the time before all this shit, we used this day to watch football, lounge around, and eat our fuckin' weights in food. And, yeah, it was fuckin' nice to get a few days off from work, but that's not what the day was supposed to be about. This day was supposed to commemorate one group of people being fucking selfless enough to help another group just because it was the right thing to do. Those pilgrims were fuckin' _thankful_ on that day because they were starving and the Native Americans gave them food. And because of that, on this day, we are supposed to fuckin' think about everything we have.

"We got food, we got a place to live, we got people and safety. We got _families_. Including the newest member of The Sanctuary that was just born fuckin' yesterday."

People in the room clap at the mention of the new baby, which makes Chuck smile. Despite the fact that there are a ton of people that live here, it still feels like everyone cares about each other. It's a real close knit community.

"So," Negan continues, "I am very fuckin' thankful that we are all here. We went through a bit of a tough time, we lost some good people, but we are still. fucking. here! So, this may be our first Sanctuary Thanksgiving, but it sure as fuck isn't gonna be the last! Let's eat!"

The meal is absolutely perfect. The food is all delicious and conversation flows easily. Even though it isn't in a family dining room, it really feels like a family meal to Chuck.

After Thanksgiving, the temperature turns colder fairly quickly. And it's not only the change in weather that has Chuck needing new clothes. Her baby bump is continuing to expand in the weeks that pass.

Chuck finds out quickly that Negan absolutely loves taking care of her. It's not like she didn't already know that, but the further along in the pregnancy she gets, the more evident it is.

Negan practically forbids Chuck from putting on her own shoes. Plus, nightly foot rubs become the norm. Those foot massages always come after their nightly baths, where Negan gently washes Chuck's skin and hair while she just relaxes. And, of course, Negan keeps her fed with homemade meals everyday.

Chuck certainly doesn't mind the royal treatment.

As the days pass, people start to talk about Christmas. Four Christmases have passed since the world unofficially ended. Three of of those while The Sanctuary existed. People had told Chuck that some people had always celebrated Christmas, or whichever holiday they celebrated, but it was never widespread. This year, though, more people are looking forward to that special time of year.

Including Chuck. Even though she knows that this Christmas won't compare to next year's one, because that will be "baby's first Christmas", she's still excited to spend it with the man she loves.

Chuck's mother had always made a big deal of Christmas. Her family wasn't exactly religious, but her mother had said that Christmas was about family and being with the ones you love. Those words had always stuck in Chuck's mind every Christmas after the turn. After she lost everyone she had ever known.

And that last Christmas at the nursing home... It had almost broken her.

But now, she had Negan. And everything is perfect.

"Baby's awake!" Chuck calls out from her seat on the couch. She has been feeling the movement in her belly pretty consistently, but Negan has yet to feel it. Chuck keeps telling him that it's not uncommon, but she knows he's disappointed.

Negan walks into their bedroom from the office. "Still kicking?" he asks as he sits beside Chuck on the couch.

"Yup."

Negan sneaks his hand under Chuck's shirt and places it on Chuck's belly. He stays still for several moments, trying to feel the movement. "I can't feel shit," he comments dejectedly.

"You will, Negan. It might just be my uterus, you know. But you'll be able to feel her eventually. Couple more weeks, tops."

He sighs and pushes himself back into the couch.

Negan looks so sad that Chuck wants to make him feel better. "I'm sorry," Chuck breaks the silence.

Negan turns his head to her. "It's not your fault, sweetheart. I just wanna feel her."

Chuck's eyes flick to movement outside the window behind Negan. "It's snowing!" The snowflakes reflect the light coming from the window and almost shine against the dark backdrop of the night sky.

Negan turns his head to the window. "It won't stick. Still too fuckin' warm."

"We might have snow for Christmas, though."

"Hmm," is his unenthusiastic response.

"You're not excited about it?"

"I'm not fuckin' religious."

"Neither am I, but I still can't wait."

Negan just shrugs.

"It's going to be our first Christmas together," she comments quietly.

Negan nods. "You're right. We can have a nice and quiet fuckin' Christmas together." He pulls her into his side. "Just fuckin' lounge around and not do shit. But fuck, maybe."

Chuck giggles. "We have to watch Die Hard, though."

Negan laughs. "Fuck yeah, we will! Die Hard is the shit!"

Even though Negan is a little blasé about the holiday, Chuck is determined to get him the perfect gift. That proves to be difficult in a time where there are no more stores. But Chuck has an idea.

She goes around and finds someone who used to be an artist, a woman named Sara. Arat is actually the one that pointed her out to Chuck, having known and worked with her for some time. The artist is a savior and has her own room on the fourth floor, which Arat leads Chuck to.

"Do you think you could draw a face of a person if I described it to you?" Chuck asks the woman, who is in her early thirties, thin, with a sleek black bob reminiscent of the ones from the twenties.

"Yeah, sure!" Sara responds enthusiastically. She moves over to her shelf and grabs a notebook and some pencils. "Is this for Negan?"

'Yeah," Chuck answers. "So I kinda need you to be discrete about it."

Sara puts her hand up. "Say no more. This is a special commission and won't leave this room." She gestures to a desk in the room and Chuck sits on one chair as Sara takes the one next to it.

"So, um, can we do it like 8x10 so I can put it in a picture frame?"

"Yeah. You want it just black and white or color. I have colored pencils and pastels, too."

"Uh... color," Chuck decides. "That would be nice."

Sara sets up her page and pencils. "So tell me what you want."

Chuck goes on to describe the picture of Negan's mother that she had seen once before in his office back at school. Though Chuck only saw the picture once, she never forgot the woman's beautiful face. And she is fairly easy to describe because she pretty much looked like a feminine Negan.

Chuck knows that Negan loved his mother very much, but doesn't have any pictures of her. When Chuck had Negan go through his mementos, she had hoped that the picture she saw all those years ago was there so they could hang it in the nursery, but it wasn't.

Chuck couldn't think of a better Christmas gift than to give Negan the chance to see his mother's face again.

It takes a while, but in the end, Sara gets the rough picture finished. She tells Chuck she'll work on it more and add the colors. Chuck makes sure to pick out the color of Negan's mother's skin, eyes, and hair, so Sara can get it right.

The day before Christmas, Negan is busy making sure everything is done that needs to be done. Though there won't be a big community dinner like there was for Thanksgiving, Negan tells The Sanctuary that anyone that wants the day off to get together with friends and family can take it off and still get half pay. Anyone that still wants to work will get double pay. A lot of people decide to take the day off, so much of The Sanctuary won't be working on Christmas.

Chuck uses Negan's absence to her advantage and asks Simon and Laura to help her get a fake Christmas tree and decorations up to Negan's office. She spends all day setting up the tree and putting the ornaments on it, though she saves the star for Negan.

Negan comes in just before dinner time and immediately stops in the doorway as he looks at what Chuck has done. Chuck, who has been sitting on the couch in the office waiting for Negan to arrive, just casually turns the page of the book she's pretending to read, acting like she doesn't know anything about the fully decked out Christmas tree.

After a moment, Negan finally closes the door and walks into the room. "What's all this, sweetheart."

Chuck stands up to meet him. "I don't know. It just appeared," she teases.

"Oh, did it, now?" Negan wraps his arms around Chuck and kisses her head.

"Yup. But the star still needs hanging." She picks up the star and hands it to Negan. "I couldn't reach."

"I thought mysterious beings set this shit up."

Chuck shrugs. "I guess they couldn't reach either."

Negan places the star on top and steps back to look at the tree. "Just tell me you didn't carry all that shit up here by yourself."

"Of course not." She turns to look at him. "So you don't like it?"

"Yeah, I like it."

"Well, you've just been so... not in the Christmas spirit. I thought if I did this..." She gestures to the tree.

Negan hangs his head. "I'm sorry, baby girl. Christmas has always been fuckin' rough for me. When I was a kid, the only thing I could look forward to on Christmas morning was a goddamn beating."

Chuck kisses his cheek and hugs him. "I'm sorry, Negan."

"My mom..." He clears his throat. "My father killed her in December. So, I've never really cared for the whole fuckin' month, really."

"Oh, Negan..." Chuck holds him tighter. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Negan wraps his arms around Chuck to hug her back. "I didn't want to fuckin' ruin it for you. But I just... I'm trying, but it's fuckin' hard, baby girl."

"Well, next Christmas is gonna be completely different. Because were gonna have a little girl to spoil. It'll all be about her."

Negan smiles at that. "Damn right." He gives Chuck a quick peck before heading off to the kitchen to make dinner.

After the meal, the couple cuddles up together back on the couch in the office in front of the tree, admiring the twinkling lights in the dim room. They sit there for hours, just talking easily and laying with each other. Negan shifts so he's laying beside Chuck across the couch, his head turned down to Chuck's belly and his hand placed softly atop it.

"You doing okay in there, Maddie?" he coos.

"She likes hearing your voice," Chuck comments.

"Really?"

"She seems to move around more when you talk to her."

Negan shifts so that his mouth is even closer to Chuck's baby bump. "Come on, Maddie. Give daddy a good kick so I can fuckin' feel it."

Chuck places one hand on Negan's head and the other on his hand on her stomach. "She's not moving yet. She might be sleeping."

Negan makes a disappointed noise, but doesn't move. "When will she wake-" Instead of finishing his sentence, he lets out a gasp.

At the same time, Chuck feels a strong kick. "Did you feel that?"

Negan looks up to Chuck with wide eyes and a huge smile. "I fuckin' felt that!"

"You did?"

"Yeah!" He looks back down to her belly. "Do it again, Maddie."

After a moment, the baby kicks again making Negan giggle. And that's a noise Chuck has never heard come out of Negan before.

Chuck flicks her gaze to the clock on the wall. "Hey look." She points to it and Negan follows her hand. "It's past midnight. It's Christmas."

Negan laughs slightly, his grin still spread ear to ear. "This is the best fuckin' Christmas I've ever had already."

Negan keeps his hand on Chuck's belly until the baby stops moving around. Chuck tells him that she probably really is sleeping now. With the excitement over, the couple gets ready for bed. While Negan is in the bathroom brushing his teeth, Chuck takes the opportunity to slip back out into the office and place her gift to Negan under the tree.

When Chuck wakes up the next morning, she finds Negan laying curled around her with his ear pressed into her belly.

"Morning," she rasps, her voice heavy with sleep.

"Can I hear her heartbeat?" Negan suddenly asks without moving.

Chuck giggles. "I don't know. Can you?"

"I mean, is it fuckin' possible?"

"Yeah."

"I can hear... It sounds like a fast fuckin' heartbeat?"

"That's her."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Holy shit. I can hear her heartbeat," he says, his voice filled with wonder.

Even though Chuck is excited to give Negan his present, she lets him listen to their baby's heartbeat for as long as he wants. When he finally sits back up, Chuck jumps out of bed and pulls him out with her.

"What are you so excited about?" Negan teases.

Chuck continues to pull him out to the office. "I want to see if Santa came."

When Chuck gets to the tree, she sees two wrapped presents sitting underneath it, the one she put there last night and another one. She whips around to look back to Negan.

He shrugs. "Santa must've fuckin' come."

Chuck just stares back at him. She really didn't expect him to get her anything, let alone surprise her with it. He must've put the present there this morning before she woke up.

"Well," he gestures to the tree, "you wanna see what Santa got you?"

"You first."

"No, you-"

Chuck cuts him off. "You first," she says more forcefully.

Negan chuckles. "Okay, sweetheart." He goes to the tree and picks up both presents, which are similar in size, handing Chuck's to her before they both sit on the couch.

"I hope you like it." Chuck smiles at him, but she's nervous.

Negan seems to pick up on that fact and gives her a quick kiss. "I love it already."

She giggles. "You haven't even opened it, yet."

"Doesn't matter. You gave it to me so I fuckin' love it."

Chuck laughs again. "Open it."

Negan rips through the wrapping paper and turns the picture frame around to see what it showcases. Chuck can't immediately tell what he thinks of it; his face has so many emotions going on at the same time.

"What do you think?" Chuck asks, nervous about how he's going to answer.

His mouth is agape as he stares down at the picture in his hands. "What- How..." He finally looks up to Chuck. "How did you get this?"

"I, uh... Back... in high school, I saw a picture of your mother in your office. And... I knew her name was Madeline because it was written on the back. That's why I wanted that name. I didn't tell you..."

Negan looks back down to the picture. "It's..." He runs his fingers over the picture. "It looks just like how I remember her."

"I thought we could put it in the nursery. If-If you wanted to."

Negan lets out a soft sob and brings his free hand up to cover his face.

Chuck, thinking that he hates the picture so much that it upsets him, tries to take the picture out of his hand to get rid of it.

Negan doesn't let her, though. He brings the picture tight to his chest as tears stream down his face.

The sight has tears welling up in Chuck's eyes. "Are you okay, Negan? I'm sorry. I didn't want to upset you."

He breathes in a deep breath and wipes his face. "It's so fuckin' perfect," he chokes out. "Thank you." He wipes her cheek, too. "Thank you so much for this."

Chuck gives him a little smile. "You like it?"

"I fuckin' love it so goddamn much." He leans forward to kiss her. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

He clears his throat and composes himself. "Shit. I think I need to get you a better gift." He laughs.

She picks up the box. "No. I'm gonna love it." She pulls the paper off of the box and sees that Negan had gotten her a box set of the show Firefly including the movie Serenity.

"I remembered you liked it and I never fuckin' watched it so... We can fuckin' watch it together."

Chuck smiles. "I love it." She wraps her arms around Negan and hugs him tight.

Negan pulls her into his lap and hugs her back. "This is my most fuckin' favorite day yet and it's all because of you," he whispers. "Merry fuckin' Christmas, Chuck."

She giggles. "Merry Christmas, my love."


	56. Chapter 56

Spirits are high at The Sanctuary after Christmas. When New Years Eve comes around, residents are excited to let loose and party a little.

"You gonna come down to the rec room with me tonight?" Negan asks Chuck as he sits down beside her on the couch in their room.

"I guess," Chuck answers, not exactly excited about the prospect.

"You don't fuckin' _have_ to." He props his arm on the back of the couch behind Chuck and twirls one of her curls in his fingers absentmindedly. "I just thought we could fuckin' kiss at midnight."

Chuck laughs. "I forgot that was a thing."

He raises his eyebrows questioningly. "You _forgot_?"

She shrugs a shoulder. "Well, it's been a few years since I watched the ball drop on New Year's Rockin' Eve," Chuck jokes back sarcastically.

Negan laughs, too.

"Besides, I've literally never kissed anyone on New Year's."

"Really?" Negan asks.

Chuck gives him an incredulous look. "You think I was invited to a lot of New Year's Eve parties back in the day?"

Negan shrugs, but still smirks at her. "Well, I'll be fuckin' honored to be your first 'first kiss of the new year'." He chuckles at himself then leans over to kiss her.

Chuck giggles. "I guess I can make an appearance with you tonight," she jokes back.

Later that night, Negan and Chuck walk into the second floor rec room hand in hand. Everyone pauses their festivities to bow in respect.

Negan holds his arm out wide, thrusting Lucille in the air. "Now that I'm here," he calls out, "this party can really get fuckin' started! As you were!" Negan starts to walk further into the room as people rise. "Someone get me a fuckin' drink!"

Someone _does_ get Negan a drink. Several of them, in fact. And Chuck knows that Negan is going to regret it in the morning.

"You know," Chuck leans in to speak to Negan as they sit on a couch, "you're gonna say 'why did you let me drink so much' tomorrow," she teases.

Negan takes a swig of the clear liquid in his glass and pulls her into his side. "I'll be fine, baby. Don't fuckin' worry."

By the time 11:59 hits, everyone except Chuck is pretty rowdy drunk. But they're still able to count down.

"Five, four, three..." everyone chants.

Chuck grabs ahold of Negan's hand and can't help the big smile that appears on her face as she looks into his eyes.

"...two, one! Happy New year!"

Negan pulls her into him and kisses her deeply. The whole world melts away around Chuck while she savors the feel of her husband. After everything she's been through, she's still truly happy at this moment.

Negan breaks the kiss, but doesn't move back, smiling wide against her lips. "Happy New Year, baby," he whispers.

"Happy New Year," she repeats.

Though Chuck is tired, she stays with Negan as he continues to imbibe and participate in the festivities. It takes her literally falling asleep on Negan's shoulder as he is recounting a story for some saviors for him to decide to leave.

When they get to their apartment, Negan crashes quickly, barely setting Lucille on the coffee table and getting his boots off before collapsing on the bed. Chuck lets out a sigh before attempting to undress Negan and getting him fully in the bed. By the time that's done and she's in her own nightgown, Chuck herself collapses on the bed, too, falling asleep almost instantly.

The next morning, Negan's loud snores wake Chuck up. She lets out a groan, and gets up to start the day. It actually isn't too early, well past the time Negan usually wakes up. But Chuck figures he needs the rest after last night.

After Chuck gets ready for the day, she fills a glass with water and moves toward Negan's nightstand to set it there, knowing that he'll need it when he wakes up. Just as she turns to walk away, Negan begins to stir.

He groans. "Fuuuuck. Why'd you let me drink so goddamn much?"

Chuck giggles and sits on the edge of the bed to face him. "I knew you'd say that." She hands him the glass of water as he shifts to sit up.

He looks at the glass and eagerly takes it in his hands. "You're a fuckin' godsend." He downs the water in one drink.

"I'll get you some more." Chuck takes the glass from him and fills it back up in the kitchen. When she gets back to the bedroom, Negan is in the bathroom, loudly relieving himself with the door wide open. She rolls her eyes and sets the drink back on the bedside table.

"Fuck," Negan groans, "I'm too old for this shit."

"I warned you," Chuck says under her breath with a giggle.

"What?"

Chuck moves closer to the bathroom as he finishes. "You need a shower. You smell like a bar."

"Come join me," he teases with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"I already took a shower. I've been up for an hour, lazy bones," she teases back.

"Did you eat?"

"I'm going to now."

He rubs at his temples, obviously feeling the hangover he certainly must have. "I'll make you something." He starts to cross the room to get to the kitchen, but Chuck stops him.

"Take a shower." She pats him on his bare chest. "I can manage one meal by myself."

Negan ends up barely leaving the apartment all day, practically mainlining Tylenol to combat his headache. Despite some whining, Negan allows Chuck to take care of him for a change. She feeds him and makes sure to keep him hydrated.

She doesn't mind. Actually, she kind of enjoys being the one that Negan is depending on. She makes herself giggle when she thinks that this is good practice for when the baby comes.

— Negan's POV —

Pretty much right after New Year's, pregnancy brain starts to hit Chuck like a ton of fuckin' bricks. I think it's fuckin' cute, but Chuck doesn't. She says she hates feeling stupid. I try to tell her that she's not fuckin' _stupid_ , she's just a little absent-fuckin'-minded at the moment. She still gets so fuckin' frustrated when she can't think of the right words. Or when she loses shit.

I get home one day and Chuck is fuckin' tearing the bedroom apart, mad as shit.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I ask as I walk over to her.

She lets out a frustrated growl and turns back to me. "I was playing Bioshock and I somehow lost the controller so I just started to use the other one, but I fuckin' lost _it_ , too!" She lets out a breath when she realizes what she said. "Sorry I swore."

I can't help but fuckin' laugh at her. This pregnancy brain shit can get her so fuckin' flustered. "You're fuckin' adorable."

"I'm _mad_ , Negan!" she bites back.

"I'll help you look, sweetheart." I give her a little kiss and start searching/picking up the shit she threw around. I check in the bathroom. Not there. "Did you go out to the kitchen?" I ask when I come back out to the bedroom.

"I'm not sure," she answers as she looks around the couch and chairs.

I chuckle. "Well, there's a glass of water on the coffee table," I point out.

"Oh," she looks at it. "Yeah, I did get a drink."

I look around the kitchen for a minute before I open the goddamn fridge. And right on the top shelf is one controller. "Found one," I call out as I walk back into the room.

She takes it from me. "I _looked_ in the kitchen."

"It was in the fridge."

"It wasn't," she responds, not believing me.

I smile at her. "It was."

She lets out a fuckin' groan. "What's going on in my head?!"

I laugh and lean down to kiss her forehead. "Keep playing your game. I'll find the fuckin' other one." She sits down on the couch and resumes her game while I search around for the other controller.

It takes me twenty fuckin' minutes, but I find the other controller sitting on my office chair at my desk. Apparently, she had set in on the chair, then pushed it the fuck in under my desk.

"Oh, yeah," she explains when I take the controller back to her. "I looked out the window in your office because it started to snow."

I plop myself down beside her on the couch. "Do I get a fuckin' thank you?" I tease.

She pauses her game and turns to me, giving me a kiss that definitely is gonna lead to some fucking. "Thank you." She pulls away and sits back down, unpausing her fuckin' game to start playing again.

"Uhh... you can't just fuckin' kiss me like that and go back to your fuckin' game," I joke. Sorta. Shit's definitely stirring in my pants after that kiss.

She giggles. "Even when I'm all fat and gross, you still want me?"

"You're not fat. Or gross. You're fuckin' perfect. And my dick thinks so, too."

She gives me side eye. "You really wanna have sex right now?"

"Well. Not if you don't fuckin' want to."

She gives me that smile that I _know_ means that she wants me to fuck her. But she acts like she's gotta fuckin' decide. She always does that. She thinks I can't tell when she's horny and she tries to act all casual about it. But I can read her like a fuckin' book.

We don't fuck as much as we used to. Shit, we used to fuck every night pretty much. We still fuck a lot, don't get me wrong, but some days I can tell she's too tired or uncomfortable. But also, some days she wants to fuck a ton. It all depends on her hormones.

Now that her belly's bigger, straight missionary is kinda fuckin' out of the question. I usually let her pick the position, because she'll know what's gonna be fuckin' comfortable for her. As it is right now, she's naked and laying on her side in my bed. _Our_ bed.

I crawl over top of her and she turns her head to kiss me. I make sure I don't have any of my weight on her as we make out.

She stops kissing me to say, "Baby's kicking."

"Really?" I pull away to sit back on my knees.

"Probably because I usually take a nap now."

I lean back over Chuck and place my hand on her stomach. Sure enough, Maddie's kicking up a fuckin' storm. "Nice fuckin' timing, kid."

"We can still do it," Chuck says quietly. "If you're not freaked out about it. I mean, she doesn't know what's going on, you know."

I laugh. I'm not exactly freaked out about it. A little bit, I fuckin' guess. I mean, my dick is gonna be pretty close to my baby and that's fuckin' weird as shit to think about. But it's not making my dick go soft cuz Chuck's right. The baby is fuckin' fine in her own little world, completely separate from where my dick's gonna be. And Chuck is wet and waiting for me right now. What kinda husband would I be if I didn't take care of my wife?

Fucking Chuck is different, now. It's still great. I'm not saying it's fuckin' bad. It's just different. Mainly because I have to make sure I don't fuckin' hurt her. I know she tells me I don't have to be as fuckin' careful as I am, but I can't help it. And it's worse now that she has a bigger belly.

There were definitely times I lost control before she _looked_ really pregnant. I mean, I knew she was pregnant, but she didn't really look it yet, so I wasn't as gentle with her. And I always fuckin' worried about it afterward, about me hurting her.

It's just really fuckin' easy for me to lose control when I'm with her. Shit, that's actually why she's pregnant, I guess. Thank fuck she doesn't hate me for it. But if I would hurt her, I'd kill myself.

So, yeah, I can get fuckin' cautious when I'm fucking her.

I move to get my dick in position, but she stops me.

"Hang on," she says and starts to shift. She gets on her hands and knees in front of me then looks back. "Okay. Go on."

I gently run my hands over her ass and hips. "Shit, baby girl. You sure you don't want to lay down."

"Don't worry, Negan. Come on." She wiggles her ass a little.

"I didn't say I was fuckin' _worried_."

"You always call me 'baby girl' when you're worried."

"No I don't."

"Yes, you do," she asserts. "Like nine times out of ten, you do."

I let out a huff. Okay, she might be right, now that I fuckin' think about it. "You fuckin' ready, then?" I rub my fingers through her pussy lips, feeling that she's really fuckin' wet. Guess that answers my question.

"Yes, Negan," she breathes out and it's just the push I need.

I slowly enter her from behind and start a pretty lazy pace. But, fuck, if she doesn't feel like goddamn heaven. She always has. From that first time I fucked her, I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away from her. And I get that feeling still, every fuckin' time I'm with her.

"Mmm," she starts to moan. "Negan, go faster please."

Her heavy breaths have me obeying her pretty fuckin' quick. I thrust in a bit harder and a bit faster as I rub my hands all over her fuckin' soft skin.

She shifts to lean on her forearms instead of her fuckin' hands, lowering her upper body and changing the angle that my dick is entering her.

"Oh god, Negan."

Shit. I'm hitting her g spot. That always gets her fuckin' moaning. And her moans drive me fuckin' crazy.

"Fuck, baby." I keep thrusting, trying to keep my goddamn rhythm steady for her. She's not that close yet, and if I speed up, I'm gonna blow my fuckin' load.

"Oh, Negan!" Her voice is higher now and her fuckin' breaths are sharper. _Now_ she's close.

"Mmm. You feel so fuckin' good. You gonna cum for me?" I speed up and bring my hand under her to play with her clit. I gotta maneuver around her belly, but I get my hand there.

"Ah!" she moans and it about makes me cum, but I keep it together. "Oh! Oh god, Negan!" She's music to my fuckin' ears.

I can feel her tighten around me. She's gonna cum, but she always tries to hold off as long as possible. So I try to fuckin' hold off until she goes. Sometimes that's fuckin' hard and I cum a little early, but she never fuckin' complains.

I speed up even more until she starts to buck her hips in that rhythmic way she always does right before she cums. Her breaths get sharper and shorter until she holds her breath and her whole body gets tight.

"Fuck." I'm groaning and panting, just waiting for her to go over the edge. "Cum, Chuck."

With a long moan she does. And I do, too. Her spasming walls fuckin' milk me until I have nothing left to fuckin' give. I stay inside her until her aftershocks fuckin' stop. Then I make sure to lay her down gently on her fuckin' side. I cuddle up behind her and throw my arm around her.

"Mmm," she hums and places her hand over mine on her belly. "That was nice."

"You okay, baby girl?" Shit. I guess I _do_ say it when I'm fuckin' worried.

She giggles. "Yeah, Negan. I'm fine." She brings my hand to her lips and kisses it. "Just tired now."

"Well, sleep, sweetheart." I lean forward to kiss her cheek. "I'll clean you all up."

A few days later, I'm headed off to the cells while I got some free time. I gotta be in the radio room in a couple hours to talk to Rick and Jesus about our plans to get rid of all the fuckin' biters in the dead zones. It's starting to get cold enough that they're slowing the fuck down. Soon, they'll be frozen fuckin' solid. That'll make it easy for us to just fuck 'em up. Maybe we'll use chainsaws, or some shit.

Fuck! That sounds _bad ass_.

Since Rick isn't gonna be on the horn yet, I decide to see my little prisoner. I promised Chuck I wouldn't leave The Sanctuary, and I kept that promise. But I was not about to let that slimy fuck Gregory off the hook. So Simon went to Hilltop and brought him to me right after the Eldritch shit went down.

Gregory has been rotting in my cells ever since. I haven't told Chuck that, though. I'm sure she wouldn't be okay with this, considering I know how she feels about bloodshed. And I know that she still feels fuckin' guilty about all the shit that went down with Eldritch. She's written about it in her diary a lot.

Yeah, yeah. I know it's kinda shitty to read her journal. But after all that shit happened with us fighting and her being so upset and not telling me, I decided to check up on her a little bit. Without her knowledge.

She doesn't really keep shit from me altogether. But she definitely has a fuckin' habit of not telling me the the full extent of things. Like, she'll tell me she feels bad about something, but in her diary, she says she can't stop fuckin' thinking about it.

So I read her journal and then I know what to say to her to make her feel fuckin' better. It's really a win/win.

Not to mention that she recounts our fuck sessions. In detail. It's like reading fuckin' porn. It gives me something to jerk off to when she's downstairs.

I turn the music off that I've had blasting in his cell 24/7. It's some annoying as fuck song from a random cd I found in the marketplace. I remembered seeing on tv once that the military would blast fuckin' Metallica as a form of psychological warfare for their enemies. Figured, if it worked for them...

I whip open the door and Gregory fuckin' scrambles to cower in the corner.

"Jesus Christ! You smell like _shit_ , Gregs!" I cover my nose with my free hand.

He just whimpers pathetically. He's fuckin' naked and covered in goddamn dirt or shit or what-the-fuck-ever. He's fuckin' skinny, too. We've been feeding him the bare fuckin' minimum to keep him alive. I guess expired fuckin' dog food on stale bread still has enough goddamn nutrients in it, though.

"P-Please, Negan," Gregory whines weakly.

I just laugh under my breath. "And why exactly do you think I should fuckin' do _anything_ for you? You have been a thorn in my ass from day fuckin' one. Or do I need to remind you of the shit you've done to me?" I raise my hand to count off on my fingers. "One. You got two of my guys killed because you couldn't handle your shit. Two. You sent Rick and him men to kill me and mine. Three." I bend down so I can lean into him and spit this right into his fuckin' face, "you ran off and joined up with the guy that kidnapped my _wife_. My _pregnant_ wife," I growl.

"I'm sorry. I-I didn't know."

I slap him right in his lying fuckin' face. "You think I believe that for one. _goddamn_. SECOND!"

He cowers away from me and covers his head, whimpering the whole fuckin' time like a little bitch.

I take a deep breath and stand. "You're fuckin' lucky I don't have any horses or I'd draw and quarter your ass, you sorry shit. Instead, I _allow_ you to keep breathing. I have my guys bring you specially tailored gourmet meals. Give you some fine ass entertainment." I point to the speaker in the corner. "So, I think a little 'thank you' is in order."

He stares up at me before choking out a quiet "thank you".

"Thank you...?" I prompt him to say something further.

"Th-Thank you, sir."

I do the "keep going" motion. "For...?

He blinks his eyes a bunch of times. "Thank you for not draw and quartering me. And feeding me. And en-entertaining me."

"There we go!" I call out cheerily. "That wasn't so goddamn hard." I turn around to leave. "See ya later, Gregs." I slam the door shut behind me and start the music back up.

Welp, now I gotta head to the radio room to talk with Rick. And I whistle the whole way.

— —

Chuck finds herself walking around The Sanctuary in boredom since she is in between jobs at the moment. She had taught her class to the kids earlier, then ate lunch with Tonya and Frankie. When they had to get back to work, Chuck started to amble around aimlessly. The only thing she really has to do today is teach her afternoon class and it isn't for a few more hours.

Chuck knows that Negan and Simon are busy right now, so she can't hang out with them. They're both in the radio room talking with Rick about clearing out the dead zones. Negan had told her that it was almost time to start that.

The former wives, Chuck's only other friends, are also busy at their different jobs.

 _Oh, wait. Kayla told me she had the day off today. I can visit with her. Oh, but I remember that she told me she was planning on hanging out with Felix today because he has the day off, too._

 _Hmm. I don't want to be a third wheel._

 _If Kayla's not in the infirmary, maybe Dr. Carson will want some company. I feel kinda bad that I haven't really talked to him too much since I stopped working with him. I mean, I've talked to him at my checkups, but that's just professional. He_ _ **did**_ _teach me a lot of stuff and I never really thanked him for it._

 _You know what, It's usually slow after lunch. I'll go visit with Dr. Carson._

Right before Chuck gets to the infirmary, she passes Dwight.

"Hello," she greets with a wave. Chuck had gotten to know the man a little bit better after she had returned home from the stuff with Eldritch. Mostly through Sherry. Chuck found that Dwight seemed much lighter now than she thought he was. Maybe it's because he's with Sherry and happy, or maybe Chuck just didn't give him a shot before.

"Hey, Chuck," he greets back and continues on his way.

Chuck hears Arat, her current body guard, stop Dwight behind her and start to talk with him about something. Arat had told Chuck before that she's pretty good friends with the man. She figures that Arat will catch up with her in a minute; she is just a little ways down the hall.

When Chuck gets to the infirmary door, she sees that it is shut. Carson usually liked to keep it closed to try to keep out "contaminants", he said. But he may have a patient in there, so Chuck decides to knock. She raps her knuckles on the door a few times, but gets nothing in response.

"Dr. Carson?" Chuck calls out, thinking that maybe he's still out for lunch.

Chuck starts to push the door, but something forces it open. Before she realizes what's really happening, she's pushed backwards and falls to the floor. And someone is on top of her.

No. Not some _one_ , but some _thing_. A dead one.

Chuck screams as the biter's teeth snap right in front of her face. She wedges her forearm under the monster's chin so it can't lean its head down to bite her as her other arm tries to push it away. It seems like the encounter lasts forever before the biter is pulled off of her and put down.

Dwight leans down to Chuck. "Don't get up." He looks up to Arat, who is pulling her knife out of the biter's skull. "Get Negan. And Kayla."

Arat pulls her radio up and starts yelling into it.

Chuck is completely in shock, barely able to process what just happened. When she finally comes to, she feels a set of hands groping at her. "Don't touch me!" she screams automatically and tries to slap the hands away. "Stop! Don't hurt me!"

"I'm checking for bites!" Dwight's voice calls out.

Arat stomps closer to Chuck. "Get away from her!" She leans down and pushes Dwight back. "You're okay, Chuck. We put it down," she says more gently. "Are you hurt?"

Chuck takes a few breaths to try to calm down. "Uh..." She knows the biter didn't sink its teeth into her, but she is still in pain. Mainly in her shoulders and back. "I'm not bit. I need to get off my back, though."

"You want up or turned?" Arat asks as she smooths Chuck's hair away from her face.

"Up." Chuck is trying not to cry in front of all the people that are now crowding around her. But it's hard. "I'll lay down in the infirmary." She just wants to get away from everyone.

Arat gently starts to get Chuck to her feet, making sure not to possibly hurt her further.

"What the holy fucking _FUCK_ is going on here!?" Negan screams as he pushes his way through the crowd.

Chuck immediately starts to sob at the sound of Negan's voice, unable to hold back any longer. Arat rushes her into the infirmary and sets her on the bed.

"Where the _fuck_ is Kayla?!" Negan's angry voice from the hall cuts through the walls easily.

"Where's Dr. Carson?" Chuck asks Arat, who is standing in the middle of the room.

"What?"

"Where's Dr. Carson?" Chuck repeats looking around the room. He should've been there.

"Honey," Arat responds softly and sits on the edge of the bed, "that _was_ Dr. Carson."

"What?!" Chuck is shocked. All she saw was teeth. She didn't realize... "No. It couldn't-"

Negan rushes into the room with Kayla following. He comes right over to the bed, pushing Arat out of the way, and cups Chuck's face in his hands. "Are you hurt?" He starts to look her over frantically.

"I'm not bit," Chuck answers, still trying to understand what exactly happened.

Negan looks over every inch of Chuck's skin anyway before he turns to Arat. "Get on the fuckin' horn and get Harlan here. Right. fuckin'. now."

Arat nods. "Yes, sir." She exits quickly, closing the door behind her.

"What happened, baby girl?" Negan grabs her hands and holds them tightly in front of her belly.

"I just- It-It happened so fast." She takes a deep breath to settle herself. "I opened the door and it..." She can't help the sob that escapes her lips. It wasn't an _it_. It was Dr. Carson. "He knocked me down. I pushed him back and kept him from biting me."

"Did he land on your stomach?" Kayla asks from the other side of the bed.

Chuck, as well as Negan, both look to her, knowing why she's asking. "I don't think so. He landed more on my chest, I guess."

"Check it," Negan blurts out to Kayla. "Check the baby."

Kayla moves to one of the cabinets and gets out a handheld fetal Doppler device. She puts the probe on Chuck's belly and moves around. Soon, a little heartbeat rings out of the small speaker of the machine. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief. But Chuck knows that something could still happen.

"I think you should just rest until Harlan gets here," Kayla comments after she puts the Doppler instrument away.

Chuck nods and rests both hands on her stomach.

"You want me to put the bed down?" Negan asks, pointing to the inclined head of the bed.

Chuck nods and Negan adjusts the bed so that Chuck can lay down on her side. He steals the pillows from the other bed and tucks them around her belly to make sure she is comfortable.

"That good, baby girl?"

Chuck nods. "Yeah."

Negan pulls up a chair and sits next to her the whole time they wait for Harlan to arrive from Hilltop. Chuck reaches for Negan's hand and tucks it under her face, seeking that comfort.

About an hour and a half later, Harlan arrives. And he's visibly upset. "Where's my brother?" he asks instantly.

Negan doesn't turn back to answer. He just keeps his eyes on Chuck as she rests. "Check her first."

"I want to see my brother's body," Harlan says more forcefully.

Negan jumps up and turns to the man still standing by the door. "You fuckin' check her _right now_!" he screams in Harlan's face and points aggressively at him.

"Negan," Chuck calls out quietly. She doesn't want Negan to make things worse for Harlan. He _did_ just lose his brother.

Negan seems to get that fact and takes a deep breath. "They took his body outside. You can see him after you fuckin' check her, okay? There's nothing you can do for your brother now, but _they_ might be fuckin' hurt." He points behind him to Chuck.

Harlan nods and moves around Negan to check Chuck and the baby. The ultrasound looks good and Chuck doesn't have any cramping or bleeding that would be a sign of miscarriage. He looks at Chuck's back, too, and says it's just bruised and would probably be sore for a bit. He orders Chuck bedrest for the next few days, at least, just in case.

Harlan lets out a deep sigh. After he's finished. "How did it happen?"

Negan looks to Chuck, but she makes no move to answer. Not that she really knows what happened to Carson anyway. The only thing she got a good look at was teeth.

"We don't know," Negan answers. "He was the only one. I didn't really look too fuckin' close at his body."

Harlan nods. "I'll check to see... how he died. If it was fowl play..."

Negan cuts in. "Then I'll find the fucker and kill him myself."

Negan tells Kayla she can go with Harlan to look over Carson's body to determine cause of death. This leaves Chuck and Negan in the room alone.

Negan reaches over from his seat beside the bed and grabs Chuck's hand. But he doesn't look at her. He hangs his head low, his gaze to the ground.

He sighs deeply. "I don't know what more I can fucking do," he mutters almost to himself.

"What?" Chuck asks.

"It's like the universe is fucking with me. Every-fucking-thing I do to protect you fails."

"Come on, Negan." Chuck responds gently and squeezes his hand. Even though she's worried about herself and the baby, she's still worried about Negan, too. "Don't take this back step. You were doing so well."

He raises his head with a look of confusion on his face. "What are you talking about?"

"You were moving on from Lucille. Letting go of your guilt over things you couldn't control. Don't put this on you."

Chuck realizes that she has been told that very same thing before. She's felt guilt for things that really weren't her fault. She _still_ feels guilty every once in a while. But she's had people telling her exactly the same thing she's telling Negan. And it always helped her. Even if just a little bit.

"It's my _job_ to protect you, Chuck. It always has been. And I've fucking failed time and time again."

Chuck leans forward to sit up and cups his cheek. "I'm still here because of you. Please, Negan. I'm asking you. Don't let any of this eat you up. Please."

His eyes mist over. "We could still lose the baby," he whispers.

Chuck's own tears start to fall. "I know," she chokes out. "I'm scared, too. But if..." She doesn't want to even say it. "If it happens... I would need you so much, Negan. If you would retreat into yourself again... I couldn't get through it by myself."

He shakes his head and wipes harshly at his eyes. "I would _never_ leave you. In _any_ way. No matter fuckin' what." He leans forward to rest his forehead on hers. "I just want you safe," he whispers.

Kayla and Harlan come back in, both with red faces and puffy eyes. Looking at Carson's body must have been extremely hard for them.

Harlan takes a tremulous breath. "I think it was natural." He sighs and wipes his eye. "Probably a heart attack or stroke. I didn't see anything that looked like violence on his body."

Negan nods. "At least we don't have a fuckin' murderer on our hands."

Chuck clears her throat to speak up. "I'm sorry, Dr. Harlan. Emmett was a good man," she chokes out.

After a few minutes of silence, Negan, Harlan, and Kayla get Chuck into a wheelchair and use the freight elevator to get her upstairs so she can rest at home. Negan dismisses Kayla and tells Harlan to wait in his office while he gets Chuck changed into her nightshirt and into bed.

— Negan's POV —

I get Chuck into bed and tell her to yell if she needs me. I'm only gonna be a fuckin' room away, but I still don't wanna leave her. I have to talk to Harlan, though. And Chuck needs rest. She needs to stay calm and fuckin' rest. And I'm gonna do everything I fuckin' can to make sure my baby girl and my little princess are fuckin' fine.

When I go into my office, Harlan is pacing. I can't fuckin' blame him. He thought his brother was dead, got him back, then lost him a few months later. That fuckin' sucks.

"I'm sorry, man," I pat him in the shoulder.

"Yeah." He nods. "I guess I got a little bit of extra time with him, at least."

I know Carson kept in touch with his brother through the radio. So, at least they fuckin' had that.

I gesture back to my desk. "Why don't you have a seat."

He sits in the chair in front of my desk as I sit in my chair. "I already know what you're going to say."

"Good. Then I won't have to waste time telling you that you're moving here to The Sanctuary."

"Hilltop is my home. They need me."

"Did you forget that Hilltop is fuckin' _mine_? You work for me and I will _tell_ you where your goddamn home is. Got it?"

He glares back at me. "I can stay and make sure Chuck and the baby are okay, but after that-"

I don't let him finish because I'm getting pissed off. "Well that's mighty fuckin' big of you, Doc, but this shit is more than just Chuck and my kid. There are two hundred fuckin' people living in this building. And another hundred in my outposts that come here for medical treatment when they fuckin' need it. How many people are at HIlltop?"

He looks away because he gets my point already. "Fifty, maybe."

"Now, if my math is fuckin' right, that's one _sixth_ of the population we got here. And now we got no doctor. So _tell me_ it makes more sense for me to keep you at fucking Hilltop."

He nods slowly, accepting what I'm fuckin' telling him.

"If you got a fuckin' family or a girlfriend or whatever, they can come here, too. I'm not a fuckin' monster."

"It's just me."

I nod. "You got an assistant or anything at your office?"

He clears his throat. "One of the women that you rescued and brought to Hilltop was a registered nurse before. She's been working with me."

I didn't know that one of those girls was an RN. "Those fuck heads had a nurse chained up? Jesus Christ! Medical knowledge is like fuckin' gold now and all those guys thought about was sticking their dicks in her." I shake my head. "I'm fuckin' glad I killed those bastards."

Harlan shrugs a little. "She knows her stuff."

"Then Hilltop will be fuckin' fine without you. You can always talk you your nurse assistant on the radio if she needs fuckin' help. And any Hillfolk that need you are more than fuckin' welcome to come here. I'll talk to Jesus later about it." Jesus is gonna be pissed, but what-the-fuck-ever. He'll get over it.

Harlan nods again. I can tell he's not fuckin' happy about moving here, but he can see that it makes more fuckin' sense for him to be where there are more people in need of his goddamn services.

"Carson's room was on the first floor," I explain, "just down the hall from the infirmary. That will be your room. But if you don't wanna stay there tonight, if you want it fuckin' cleaned out first, I'll provide you another room."

"No." he answers quickly. "I can stay there. I want to clean it out myself."

I nod. If that's what he wants to do, I'll let him. "So..." I take a deep breath and lean forward on the desk, not really wanting to ask, but I have to. "What is the outlook for Chuck and the baby?"

He shrugs. "Everything sounds good. And there wasn't any trauma to the stomach. But I can't say definitively. We'll just have to wait and see."

I lean back into my chair and scrub an my face with my hand. "How long?"

"A few days. If there's no bleeding or cramping, then she can resume normal activities. But she should try to stay in bed until then."

"Oh, she fuckin' will."

I dismiss Harlan and go back into the bedroom. Chuck is laying on her side, her hand lazily rubbing on her stomach. And I can tell that she's fuckin' crying.

"You okay, baby girl?" I sit on the edge of the bed beside her and set my hand on her shoulder.

"She's kicking," is all she says. Then she laughs a little. Like the weight of the world is off her fuckin' shoulders. But it's also cautious, like she doesn't want to accept it, yet.

I move my other hand to her belly and feel the movement, too. And I laugh in the same fuckin' way she did.


	57. Chapter 57

Harlan had requested Chuck be on bedrest for the next few days. And Negan made sure it was _strict_ bedrest. For two days, Negan did just about everything for Chuck, even escorting her to the bathroom when she needed to go. He also made sure to keep Chuck calm. Carson's death had hit Chuck hard. Mainly because she felt guilty for never thanking him for everything he did for her. But Negan knew just the right things to say to make her feel better, like he always did.

When Negan had to leave the apartment to tend to his duties, which he did so begrudgingly, he insisted that Laura or Arat sit with Chuck and tend to her. Chuck had apologized to them, assuming that the woman would resent the job, but they didn't seem to mind. In actuality, the three women had gotten to know one another quite well over the past several weeks and developed a friendly relationship between each other.

Today, Laura is on shift while Negan is out and she's sitting on the couch flipping through a book. When Chuck sees that it's The Soul of the Fearless Wave, she wonders how it made its way back into their bedroom. She thought that Negan had gotten rid of it long ago.

"Shit," Laura calls out as she turns the page. "This is a good book."

Chuck can't help but laugh. "It's... pretty entertaining, actually." She just keeps it to herself that she thought it was entertaining because of how bad it is.

Chuck shakes her head, her eyes flicking down to notice a wet spot on her chest. She initially thinks that maybe she spilled a little bit of water the last time she took a drink, but when she sees another spot on the other side of her chest, she realizes what it is. "Oh," she says aloud.

"You need somethin'?" Laura is already standing and coming forward before Chuck can stop her.

Chuck feels her cheeks turn bright red. "Uh..." She tries to cover her chest so Laura can't see. "N-No. I'm okay."

Laura pauses at the side of Chuck's bed and looks down at her. "You don't have to be embarrassed, Chuck. I have a kid, remember? I know what it's like to be pregnant."

Chuck nods and moves her hands from her chest, exposing the expanding wet spots on her cotton nightshirt. "I guess I started to leak."

"Is this the first time?"

"Yeah," Chuck answers quietly. She knew that this would happen at some point, but for some reason, she still feels a little embarrassed.

"Do you have any nursing bras up here?"

"Yeah." Chuck points to the closet. "The dresser on the left. Top drawer."

Laura follows Chuck's directions and comes back in with a nursing bra and a new nightshirt. "Before all this shit," she waves a hand around, "I was a bartender in this biker bar. That where I met Niko's father. And I worked through my entire pregnancy." Laura gently pulls Chuck's soiled shirt over her head and drops it on the ground. "I only took off one week when I had him. Worked up until the day they induced me." Laura slips the nursing bra onto Chuck's arms and fastens it behind her back.

Chuck adjusts the bra on her chest and inserts the reusable pads that Laura hands her.

"I remember the first day my boobs really started to leak," Laura continues. "It was fuckin' busy in the bar. And this guy was like, 'Hey! Your tits are leaking!" And I was like, "So?! You want a beer or not?!'" Laura gets the clean nightshirt over Chuck's head. "I didn't have time to deal with it, so I just rocked it."

Chuck laughs. Then she realizes that Laura had told that story to make Chuck less embarrassed about having her clean her up. "Thanks," she says quietly.

Laura shrugs a little. "You're welcome." She picks up Chuck's nightshirt from the floor and throws it in the hamper.

Before Laura walks back to the couch, Chuck calls out to her. "So Niko was just a baby when all of this started?"

"Yeah." Laura turns around and sits down on the bed, propping herself up on the headboard beside Chuck. Though Chuck has all the pillows behind her.

"Wow. That must have been rough. I couldn't imagine being out there with a baby," Chuck comments. Her mind reels with the thoughts of Laura having to try to keep her son safe after the turn.

"Yup. Niko's father died pretty early on. He saved our lives, but..." She shakes her head.

"I'm sorry, Laura."

"It is what it is. He was a good man." She gives a sad smile. "Negan and Simon found me and Niko and brought us here. There was probably only like twenty people here, then. Sherry and her sister were here. Most of the lieutenants, actually. And TJ." She lets out a sigh at the mention of the man.

TJ and his group were all murdered by Eldritch and his men at the start of his attack on The Sanctuary. When all was said and done, Negan held a memorial service for the fifty or so people that died, which was rough for everyone. After the service, Negan had a small group go out to find the bodies of the men Eldritch had killed, wanting to give them all a proper burial, but they were never found. Negan had confessed to Chuck that he assumed that Eldritch let them turn and used them in his undead army. The thought had sent a chill though Chuck's bones. Eldritch was truly an evil man for doing everything he did.

Laura continues. "But Negan was always real good to me and Niko. Even when shit was scarce, he always made sure I had enough to eat because I had to breastfeed my son. There wasn't any formula or anything here. He was the only kid."

"Negan has a soft spot for children." Chuck giggles. "Don't tell him I told you that."

"That's not exactly a secret." Laura laughs. "Negan can be a scary fucker when he needs to be, but he's good to the people that do their jobs and aren't assholes. Everyone knows that." She clears her throat and shifts to get more comfortable. "When I told him I wanted to be part of his soldiers as soon as he started the whole 'saviors' thing, he didn't laugh in my face. He didn't tell me I needed to just be a mother and work in the laundry. He shoved a .45 in my hands and told me to show him what I got. He never judged me. Never underestimated me. That showed me what kind of leader he would be and I've been following him ever since."

Chuck smiles, happy in the knowledge of how respected her husband is here. The baby starts to move around, so Chuck moves both of her hands to her stomach.

"Pain?" Laura asks, quickly shifting into bodyguard mode.

"No. Just kicking," Chuck answers with a smile. The baby has still been kicking regularly and Chuck takes it as a good sign that she wasn't injured in the fall.

Laura places her hand on Chuck's stomach to feel. "She's a strong one!" She laughs. "You're making me want to have another one."

"Really?" Chuck giggles. "You don't even have a boyfriend, do you?"

Laura shrugs. "You think that Alexandrian with the haircut is single?"

Chuck laughs, realizing Laura is talking about Eugene. "You would eat him alive!"

"You think he'd let me?" Laura waggles her eyebrows to accentuate her joke.

The next day, Harlan checks over Chuck as Negan paces their bedroom.

"Everything looks good," Harlan says as he pulls back from Chuck. "I'd say you can be off bedrest now. We can get you down to the infirmary for an ultrasound to make sure, but I see no reason to worry anymore."

Chuck lets out a sigh of relief.

Negan pauses his pacing to ask, "We're good?"

Harlan nods. "Let's get down to the infirmary just to double check. I bet Chuck won't mind stretching her legs a little," he teases.

Chuck giggles. "I would _love_ to walk around."

The ultrasound looks perfect, to everyone's relief. When Negan and Chuck get back to their room, he squeezes her in a tight hug.

"I love you so much, baby girl," he whispers into her hair.

"I love you, too, Negan."

Negan pulls back to cup Chuck's face. "Please, Chuck. Will you just take it fuckin' easy until the baby comes? I know you want to be productive, but _please_ stay up here. Or with me if you wanna walk around."

Chuck knows that Negan worries about her and the baby. So despite the fact that she doesn't want to be cooped up inside for the rest of her pregnancy, she agrees to do it. For Negan.

"Okay. I promise to take it easy." She strokes his cheek and tips up to peck his lips.

The rest of the night, the pair cuddles up on the couch and watches movies, perfectly content and relaxed for the first time in days.

"Negan?" Chuck whispers to him when she realizes that he nodded off.

"Hmm?" is all he answers without even opening his eyes.

Chuck just stares at his face and smiles. Sometimes she can't believe that she has this perfect man to call her own.

"We should go to bed." She kisses his cheek.

He smiles, his eyes still closed. "Mmhmm."

The next day, Chuck is sitting on the couch playing a video game in just a pair of shorts and her nursing bra. Though it's a cold January day outside, Chuck finds the room hot. She knows it's just her pregnancy, since Negan hasn't complained and seems to be just fine in the office as he works on whatever he's working on.

Negan walks into the bedroom and pauses. "You look hot as shit like that," he jokes.

Chuck laughs. "Well, I am _hot_. But not in the way you mean."

Negan chuckles and sits down next to her. "You're still beautiful, baby."

Chuck looks down at herself, definitely not finding anything beautiful. "I'm all sweaty and leaky. And it's just gonna go downhill from here."

Negan leans over and kisses Chuck sweetly. "No matter what, you're still the most beautiful thing I could ever fuckin' see." He bends down to kiss her stomach, too.

Chuck runs her hand over his head. "You're such a softy."

He straightens up. "You want me to show-"

A knock on the door interrupts Negan's thought.

" _It's Simon. Can I come in?_ " comes through the door.

"Hang on," Negan calls out. He searches around for Chuck's shirt, finding it thrown on one of the chairs and helps her put it on. "Alright. Come in," he yells then sits back down next to Chuck.

Simon enters the room and gives Chuck a nod. "Hey, kiddo. How ya feeling?"

"Okay. I'm hot right now."

"Really?" Simon raises his eyebrows. "It's kinda chilly up here."

"She's running hot," Negan comments. "What do you got, Simon?"

He starts to answer. "Rick was on the radio. He said his guys came across a pretty big settlement in the north a few days ago." Simon flicks his gaze to Chuck for a second. "He wants you to meet them."

Chuck looks over to Negan quickly. "No. You don't know what's out there. You can't leave."

Negan lets out a sigh. "What did Rick say about this group?"

"They're in some big high school," Simon relays the information. "He says they got families, children. They're good people."

Chuck starts to get a little upset because she knows Negan is probably going to leave. "Negan..."

Negan cups her cheek to silence her. "It's okay, sweetheart. I don't want to fuckin' leave, but I'm gonna have to. I need to size these fuckers up. And I'd rather do it fuckin' now than closer to your due date."

Chuck's eyes well up with tears. "But-"

"Hey," Negan coos. "It's safer out there now since the biters are fuckin' slow. And the roads are pretty fuckin' clear. Nothing to worry about, okay?"

Chuck nods. "Just... get back quickly."

"You think I wanna be away from my girls for a goddamn second longer than I need to?" He smiles at her and it makes her smile back.

"Okay," she quietly responds.

Negan looks up to Simon, who is still close to the door. "Radio Jesus and tell him to get here tomorrow morning. Then talk to Rick and tell him we'll meet him at Alexandria tomorrow. Then we can all head the fuck out from there."

Simon nods. "Sure thing." He nods a goodbye to Chuck before exiting.

Once Simon is gone, Negan looks back to Chuck. "I know, sweetheart," he says before she can even say anything.

"You said you wouldn't leave." Chuck looks up at him with wide eyes.

"Fuck. Don't give me the eyes. I gotta go. I gotta see these people."

She sighs. "Fine."

"Please don't be pissed at me."

"I'm not. I'm just gonna be worried about you."

He kisses her forehead. "I promise, nothing memorable will happen."

— Negan's POV —

Me, Dwight, Arat, and Jesus pile into a car and head out of Alexandria following Rick, Daryl, Michonne, and Carol in their car as they lead us to this new fuckin' settlement. Rick told me that he spent a few fuckin' days there just talking to them and getting to know their leader. He said they seem like good fuckin' people. I'm not just gonna take his goddamn word for it, but it does make me lean toward maybe trusting this fuckin' group. I gotta form my own opinion, though.

We pull up to this parking lot about fifty yards away from the gate to the settlement and fuckin' wait. Oh, shit. I fuckin' know this place. I applied for a goddamn job here right after I graduated. It's a fancy pants fuckin' boarding school for boys. Rutherford Academy...? Something like that. I wasn't fuckin' waspy enough to get hired there.

After about ten minutes, three fuckers on horseback emerge and trot to us.

"Heh," I say aloud, no no one in particular. "I was talking about fuckin' horses to someone a few weeks ago."

"This way, please," one of the guys, who's wearing weird ass cobbled together armor, calls down to us. They lead us in through the gates and dismount.

"I'm Richard," the tall, middle aged man calls out. "King Ezekiel asked me to show you guys around a little bit."

I chuckle. "King?"

"Negan," Rick chides.

I just shrug back at him. This guy here calls himself "king" and I'm not supposed to think that's fuckin' bullshit?

Richard glares at me. Whatever. "Follow me," he says and turns away to lead us on the fuckin' tour.

It's not exactly thorough. The guy just points at buildings and says what's inside. He says they have a fully stocked infirmary with _two_ fuckin' actual doctors. Big ass cafeteria with a commercial sized kitchen. Dormitory for all the residents to fuckin' live in. And I can see for myself that they have crops, though they're not growing right now since it's goddamn winter. And paddocks for animals along with the stables that the school already had. Fuckin' rich assholes.

From what I can tell, this place is fuckin' nice. There are people moving around constantly, so they got numbers. Probably more than Alexandria. And they got a ton of kids. More than what we got back home, even. Everyone looks fuckin' healthy and happy, so... yeah. I guess they make a good first impression. But I'm not letting my goddamn guard down completely just yet.

Richard stops us outside a building. "We wait here until King Ezekiel is ready for us."

I fuckin' roll my eyes which Rick sees and elbows me. "What?"

Rick rolls his eyes back at me. "Just... hear him out," he whispers.

"Fine," I answer.

The door opens and a guy comes out to motion for us to go inside.

"Hey, I should warn you about something before you get in there." Rick continues to talk, but I'm not listening anymore.

My entire focus shifts to the man holding the door open for us. He's probably in his late thirties with sandy blond fuckin' hair, kinda portly. And he looks _just_ like... Goddamn, that poor fucker looks exactly like-

"Negan!" Rick's urgent voice breaks me out of my thoughts from a few steps ahead. "Are you coming?"

"Yeah," I answer immediately. "Shit."

We walk up the stairs and through the door, but I try not to look at that guy. I just don't want to look at that fucker's face.

Richard leads us through the halls and into a fuckin' auditorium as I try to forget about that dude. All thoughts leave my fuckin' brain, though, as my eyes immediately go to the man sitting on a goddamn throne in the middle of the stage and the thing that's sitting beside him.

"Holy fuckin' shit!" I yell, completely surprised. "Is that a fuckin' tiger?!"

The animal raises its head and I swear to Christ I almost fuckin' scream. Like, who the fuck has a goddamn tiger?! But I reel that shit in and turn my head to Rick.

"You could've fuckin' told me there was an actual goddamn tiger in here."

"I did," Rick spits back. "You weren't listening."

The man on the stage clears his throat so I fuckin' turn back to him. "Greetings, newcomers," he calls out in a fuckin' confident... _regal_ , I guess, voice. "I am King Ezekiel. And this is Shiva," he gestures to the big cat. "Welcome to The Kingdom."

I stare at him for a moment. He doesn't look fuckin' real. He looks like a goddamn comic book character, with thick ass dreads and a big leather coat, holding a fuckin' staff in one hand and a chain in the other. Not to mention, _he's sitting on a fucking throne with a goddamn tiger beside him_!

"Is this fuckin' real?" I say to no one in particular.

"Hear him out, Negan," Rick pleads.

I turn back to Ezekiel and wait for him to start his fuckin' spiel.

"I have heard much about you, Negan, from Rick and his men. From what he has said about the alliance between your two groups and his, I believe that joining that alliance will be beneficial to all."

I shrug a little. This whole fuckin' thing has thrown me for a loop. I have no idea what to fuckin' say. "What do ya got to fuckin' offer?" is what I settle on.

"To start, I would like to aid in your endeavor to rid this land of the abominations that have been plaguing all of us. Rick has told me about your immediate plans to corral the dead and exterminate them once the cold of winter renders them immobile. My people are very skilled at dispatching the dead, and can lend a hand to your efforts." He looks off to his right to a big guy that I didn't even realize was standing there. Even though he's got a goddamn battle axe in this hands. "Jerry, would you get our guests their gifts.

The guy, who is wearing a weird ass knee length red coat, disappears off the stage and then returns with a basket in his hands. He walks up to me and hands me the fuckin' thing.

"Consider these as a promise of things to come," Ezekiel starts talking again and gestures to the basket. "Alas, it's after the harvest, so proper trading of our goods will have to wait until warmer weather, but please," he gestures to me, "take those as a token of our budding friendship."

I look through the basket which is full of jars and cans. Some of them are marked as vegetables and some are various jams and jellies, including goddamn raspberry which is my fuckin' favorite and haven't had in years. "This looks fuckin' good," I downplay how excited I am. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna crack open that jar on the way home and eat it with my fuckin' fingers.

Ezekiel lets out a sigh for some reason. I mean, shit's going good so... "Rick informed me about your recent experience with a man named Eldritch. We, too, had a run in with him and about ten of his men about a year ago."

"What?!" I bite back.

Ezekiel starts to explain. "He and his men came here disheveled and starving, telling horrendous tales of the state of things in Baltimore, to the east, where they came from. We had always stayed away from that area, ourselves, because we, too, had bad experiences there. Once Eldritch and his men got their strength back, he replayed out kindness by trying to raise a coup, but my loyal subjects showed the vehemence of their fealty and refused. We exiled him and his men after that."

"Exiled them where?" I ask, already getting pissed.

"South," is all he answers.

"South?" I repeat. "South, to _me_."

"We never ventured south," Ezekiel tries to make the excuse. "We didn't know about your settlements. Or Rick's."

"If you had dealt with that fucker properly, none of that shit would've happened!" I yell.

Shiva perks up at my raised voice, but I am fuckin' pissed, so I don't stop.

"You have any idea what I lost because of that motherfucker? What I could've fuckin' lost?!"

"Negan," Rick puts his hand on my shoulder to calm me the fuck down.

"I am truly sorry about that," Ezekiel states softly. "If I had known about your settlements, I wouldn't have set him on that course. That is something I will have to live with, but I sincerely hope we can get past this for the sakes of our subjects. An expanded alliance between all of our groups will strengthen all of us."

I'm breathing hard, but I suppose he's right. So I nod. From the canned goods, it's evident that they grow some shit that we don't. Or even HIlltop. Trading with these medieval fuckers will definitely be better for us. And they got fuckin' animals, which means more meat. Better diets for my people means better people, so I can't really pass this shit up.

I turn back to Rick. "Eugene still got some more radio equipment?"

"Yeah," Rick answers. "I've already talked to King Ezekiel about it. But I wanted to get your okay on it before we went ahead."

"Electricity is not plentiful here," Ezekiel explains. "We have some solar panels that power the freezers and ovens in the kitchen. But I think we can add the radio equipment and power it without problem. Being in contact with your groups will cement our alliance."

I nod again and turn to Rick. "Get him the equipment." I turn back to the king. "We'll call you about when we're gonna clear out those fuckin' dead zones. Probably pretty soon."

"Yes. I would be honored to help with that endeavor." Ezekiel gives me a big smile and gestures for us to leave.

If these fuckers hold their own out in the shit, and prove to be _not_ fuckin' dumbasses or monsters, then come spring, we can get our trade on. And if that she goes well, an official alliance can be made.

Honestly, it fuckin' surprises me that I'm not fuckin' fighting with this. When I started The Sanctuary, I fully expected it to be me against the world. But working with Hilltop got me, well, _Hilltop_. If I told them to fuck off when Jesus first darkened my doorstep, I would've never taken control of them. And my people would've lost out on the different food they get from the hillfolk. And we'd be out a fuckin' doctor just in time for Chuck to give birth.

If I wouldn't've worked with Alexandria, I probably wouldn't have beat Eldritch. Rick and his guys were instrumental in that shit. As much as I want to say it was all me, it fuckin' wasn't. So working with these groups has been fuckin' better for my people. So I gotta consider that shit when thinking about what I'm gonna do with The Kingdom.

As we all leave the building, that same guy is standing at the door, holding it open for us. And I just can't deal with it anymore.

I turn back to him quickly, startling him. "What's your name?"

"Martin Harris," he answers.

"What's your father's name?"

He looks back at me, confused. "William Harris. Why?"

"He your real father?" I just gotta know...

He glares at me for a moment before answering. "Yes," he bites back. "He's my real father because he raised me since I was three years old. He adopted me on my fifth birthday and gave me his name. So he _is_ my real father. Not that it's your business." He lets out a huff and continues on with a little fuckin' attitude. "But if you _must_ know about my biological father, he was a horrible man. He pulled my mother off the street while she was walking back home from bible study and raped her. Got her pregnant. She was _sixteen_." He takes a breath but still looks fuckin' pissed at me. "When the police finally found him, he was already in prison for killing his wife and almost killing his son. So excuse me if I don't want to call that man my _anything_."

I fuckin' knew it.

"Nathan McRae," I almost whisper. I never wanted to say that fuckin' name ever again.

His eyes get fuckin' big. "H-How did you know his name?"

"That fuckin' monster was my father, too."


	58. Chapter 58

— Negan's POV —

Martin stares back at me with eyes that are the same exact fuckin' color as mine. "Y-You...?"

"I'm the fuckin' son," I answer, recalling what Martin had just said about finding out his father killed his wife and attacked his son.

"Oh my god." Martin looks at me for a second and then looks around like the fuckin' answers to his questions are gonna pop up out there.

I look around, too. Arat, Dwight, and Jesus flick their eyes away when I fuckin' look at them. And Rick, the only other person still standing close enough to hear this shit show, is staring right at me with this weird ass look on his face.

"Uh," Martin clears his throat, "I think we should talk in private. I know a place."

"Sir?" Dwight cuts in. "You wanted to be on the road," he reminds me.

I think it over. I do want to get back home to Chuck, but me and this fucker gotta talk. I mean, I don't really _want_ to talk about this shit, but this guy is my... my father's son, I guess.

"Dwight, follow me," I announce. "Arat, Jesus, get shit ready to go. I'll be back in an hour."

Me and Dwight follow Martin into a building that was obviously dorms before all this shit. When we get to a room on the second floor, Martin pauses and looks back to us.

"I'm just gonna check on my daughter first," he says and opens the door.

He leaves it open and I can see a blonde girl, probably fourteen, sitting cross legged on a bed writing in a notebook.

"Hey, Dad," the girl greets then looks back to me with a confused look on her face.

"Emily, this is... um, Negan." He gestures back to me. "He's from a new group that we are starting to work with. I'm gonna be down the hall talking with him if you need me."

"Okay. Where's mom?"

"I think she's working in the kitchen today. She should be back in a little bit."

Martin turns and leaves his room, leading me and Dwight further down to a room with a sort of seating area.

I turn to Dwight before we walk in. "Stay out here." He obeys and stays in the hall while me and Martin go in.

"So," I sit down on a couch and prop Lucille up beside me. "We share some fuckin' DNA." I'm trying to sound fuckin' nonchalant, but really, I'm freaking the fuck out. I hate thinking about my goddamn father, and now, I'm gonna have to talk about him with a guy probably in a similar situation to mine. I mean, my father is his, too. And he brutalized this guy's mom the same way he did mine, mostly. He didn't _kill_ her like my mom, but still...

Martin sits across from me and scratches at the back of his neck. "Yeah. It seems like it." He studies my face. "You don't look like-"

I cut him off. "I look like my mom. Thank fuck."

He kinda nods. "Yeah. I look like _him_."

"That's why I fuckin' asked you. I've tried to forget his goddamn face, but I guess I fuckin' didn't because one look at you and I knew you had to be his."

"Did you know what he did?" he asks suddenly. "To my mom?"

I shake my head. "No. The last time I heard about that motherfucker was when they sentenced him for my mom's murder." I look down and shake my head. "I guess I should've fuckin' expected him to do shit like that to someone else." I raise my head to look at him again. "But I didn't know he did that to your mom."

Martin nods. "The police found him when I was fifteen. DNA evidence and all that. It was 1997. My mom told me his name then when they told her. I saw his picture..." He shakes his head. "The detectives said that he went to prison a couple years after I was born. So you were just a kid, too, I guess." He shrugs and takes a breath. "Do you have kids?"

His question takes me off guard. "Kids?"

"Yeah. I have two. You saw Emily. Me and my wife have a younger son, too. We, uh... We never told them about my biological father. They don't know that grandpa adopted me."

"And your wife is still here?" I remember him mentioning her.

"Oh yeah. It was tough, but we all made it out. We've been living here for about three years now."

"That's fuckin' lucky for you."

He gives me a look. "I guess. But we all have lost something in this world."

I change the subject. I really just want to get this shit over with now. I don't even know why I agreed to talk with this guy. "So what did you do before this shit?"

"I was an investment banker."

"No shit? You were a rich prick?"

He lets out a huff. "I did well. I wouldn't exactly call myself a _prick_ , though."

"So you did well before and you're doing well now?" I gesture broadly with my hand. I don't know why, but the more he talks, the angrier I get.

"Yeah," he answers, getting pissed at me, too. "The Kingdom is a good place to live. I don't know about your home-"

I don't let him finish that fucking thought. "You got, what, two hundred people here. Judging by what I've seen and the living space I was fuckin' told about during the goddamn tour. I have _hundreds_ of people under me. They are all well fed, protected, living their fuckin' lives all peachy fuckin' keen. So don't even fuckin' _suggest_ that I don't provide for my people."

He pauses then lets out a deep breath. "We've gotten off on the wrong foot, I think." He clears his throat. "Do we have any more siblings?"

"Siblings?" I bite back. "We are not _siblings_. We may share a fuckin' Y chromosome, but you are _not_ brother. And that goes for any other poor sons-a-bitches that our biological father may have shot his DNA into." I get up, grabbing Lucille so I can head out of the room. I can't deal with this shit anymore.

"Is he still alive?" Martin's voice calls out before I can open the door.

I pause and look back. "I sure as fuck hope not."

We all get back on the road, but it's a miserable fuckin' ride. No one is saying shit. Dwight has his eyes firmly on the road in front of him and Arat and Jesus are just sitting silently in the fuckin' back twiddling their damn thumbs.

"Someone fuckin' say something," I call out when the quiet gets to me.

Jesus clears his throat. "The Kingdom seems like it will be a good ally."

"Yeah," Arat chuckles a little nervously. "That King Ezekiel is kinda hot, too."

"You think that low rent Medieval Times motherfucker is _hot_?" I call back with a laugh. I guess that got my mind off of the shit show I don't want to think about.

Arat shrugs. "I kinda dig his whole thing."

"What about you, Jesus? You _digging_ King Douche, too?"

"He's not my type," he answers with a little smirk.

"See?" I say to Arat. "He's got good fuckin' taste in men. Besides, you know that fucker's got a thing for that tiger."

Arat laughs. "He does not. You're just jealous that _you_ don't have a fucking tiger," she teases.

I chuckle. "I got Lucille and she does just fuckin' fine, thank you very much."

— —

"You know, that guy kinda looks like Negan," Laura comments from her seat beside Chuck on the couch.

Chuck studies the tv screen as she makes the main character of the game Last of Us sneak up to a person and kill him. "Actually, now that you mention it, he kinda _does_ look like Negan." She laughs. "Don't tell Negan, but I definitely have a thing for Joel."

Laura laughs. "You have a type, I see."

Her radio suddenly squawks to life. " _We're half an hour out_ ," Dwight's voice relays.

Chuck gets up as fast as she can (which isn't that fast) from her seat and starts to get her coat on.

"What are you doing?" Laura asks, standing up from her own seat.

"I want to meet Negan out there when he comes in." She finishes with her coat, but struggles to slip her feet in her boots. Her big belly makes bending down impossible.

"Here." Laura crouches in front of her to help. "You know Negan wants you to stay up here, right?" She gets Chuck's feet into her shoes and stands up. "And Dwight said a half an hour."

"Well, it takes me a while to waddle around. I want to be there when Negan gets in."

The pair leave and use the freight elevator to get down to the main floor. Chuck just isn't able to get up and down all those stairs, anymore, so the elevator really is the only option. Negan has made sure to keep it operational in case Chuck needs to get down to the infirmary in an emergency. But Chuck doesn't abuse the luxury; she rarely goes downstairs anymore since Negan had requested her to take it easy.

Despite Laura following Chuck through the halls as her official body guard, all of the other residents seem to watch over her, too. They greet her casually, but she feels their protective eyes watching her.

It's an odd feeling. She's happy that everyone has embraced her and cares about her and her baby's wellbeing, but at the same time, she doesn't really like being seen as some helpless thing that needs protecting. Though, she supposes she kind of _is_ considering she can't even get her shoes on by herself right now.

Even with Chuck's waddling, she and Laura get outside pretty quickly. So they wait by the gate for Negan to arrive. It's slightly snowing, but it's wet. The temperature isn't low enough for it to stick to the ground.

About ten minutes after they start waiting, Laura lets out a huff. "Negan's gonna kill me knowing you were out here this long," she mutters, though she's not seriously mad.

"I'm fine," Chuck responds. "It's not that cold."

"It's like forty degrees." Laura rubs at her hands to warm them.

Chuck laughs. "I got a coat on. And I'm not cold. Besides, I'm sure women more pregnant than me have done far more strenuous things in worse weather than this, anyway."

"But those pregnant women weren't carrying _Negan's_ baby."

Chuck laughs. "That doesn't make me more fragile than every other pregnant woman."

"No. But Negan is more protective than your average husband. In case you haven't noticed."

Chuck giggles as she nods. "That's true."

When Negan's car pulls in and parks, Chuck can't help but rush over to his door before he even gets out. She doesn't even wait for him to open it, either, pulling on the handle herself to open it for him.

Negan starts to climb out of the car, Lucille in hand. "What are you doing out here, baby girl?" He wraps her in a hug and gives her a quick kiss.

"Waiting for you," she answers.

"Shit, sweetheart," he cradles her face with his ungloved hand and swipes his thumb over her skin, "your cheeks are fuckin' red. You shouldn't be out here." He gives a quick look to Laura, who is standing behind Chuck.

Chuck giggles. "She said you'd be mad. But I wanted to meet you down here."

Negan lets out a sigh. "Let's get the fuck upstairs."

They walk together, hand in hand, through The Sanctuary, but Chuck knows something isn't right. Despite Negan's friendly attitude and assertions that the meeting with The Kingdom went well, she can see a darkness in his eyes. When they get back into the privacy of their bedroom, Chuck asks about the meeting.

Negan sets Lucille on the coffee table. "It was fuckin' insane, honestly." He takes his gloves and jacket off then sits on the couch to slip off his boots. "I don't think they're a threat, but the _king_ talks like a fuckin' community theater Shakespeare production."

Chuck sits down next to Negan. "King?"

"Yeah. Their leader calls himself King Ezekiel. And, oh yeah, he has an actual fuckin' tiger named Shiva."

Chuck lets out a gasp. "Shiva? Like from the zoo?!" she asks excitedly. Chuck and her mom had made regular trips to the zoo in the time before and there was, indeed, a tiger named Shiva there for a number of years. She was always one of her mother's favorite animals and they spent a lot of time watching her in her paddock.

"Uh... I guess," Negan responds.

"Well, there was a tiger named Shiva at the zoo in DC. Hard to imagine there'd be a different one in the area, too."

Negan wraps his arm around Chuck and pulls her into his side. "So that fucker stole the tiger from the zoo, then." He chuckles. "Makes sense, I guess."

"So... Anything else happen?" Chuck asks a little hesitantly, knowing something must have.

Negan lets out a heavy breath. "I met- There was a guy there. Turns out he's my half brother."

Chuck sits up to look at Negan. "What?!" Out of everything Chuck thought could have possibly happened, Negan meeting his half brother was not even on the list.

"Yeah." He rubs his hand down his face. "His name is Martin. Apparently, my piece of shit father raped that poor fuck's mother and got her pregnant. Gave him his ugly ass face, too."

"Oh my god, Negan. That's... That's crazy."

Negan shrugs it off, but Chuck knows that it's affecting him.

She runs her hand over his cheek. "Are you okay?"

He looks at her like he's wrestling with what to say. "I'm okay."

Chuck doesn't exactly believe him. "Talk to me, Negan."

He holds her gaze for a moment, then casts his head down. "It's just..." He scratches at his face. "The same man raped two different women. Had two different fuckin' sons. One got to live with two fuckin' parents that loved him. Had a fancy ass fuckin' job and rode out the goddamn apocalypse with his wife and two kids fully intact." As he speaks, he starts to sound more and more bitter. "One got to move ten times before he turned eighteen and lost every- _fuckin'_ -thing he ever loved."

Chuck knows what he means, but she can't help but feel a sting at his words. "Not everything," she responds meekly.

Negan turns to her and sets his hand on her stomach. "I didn't fuckin' mean..."

"I know." Chuck leans forward to kiss him on the cheek. "I just want you to know that you can talk to me. That I'm here for you. I want to make you happy."

"You _do_ make me happy, sweetheart. You don't have to fuckin' worry."

Chuck hates that Negan's past still haunts him. Even though he's made some headway with moving past his guilt for what happened with Lucille, he still has more painful chapters from his life that he really hasn't dealt with.

With the temperatures continuing to drop, all of the settlements, including The Kingdom, start to clear out the dead zones. It takes about a week to systematically kill all the dead ones and burn the bodies, but it all goes off without a hitch.

Because this operation is so heavily planned, Negan has to spend a lot of time in the radio room coordinating with all the teams. That means that Chuck doesn't get to see him much during the day. And when he comes home, he doesn't even mention his half brother that lives at The Kingdom, like that bombshell was never even dropped.

Chuck doesn't want to push him into having to deal with it, but she thinks it might be unhealthy to completely push it all away. Despite how good Negan is at hiding his feelings, Chuck can tell that he's being affected by the knowledge that his father has another son out there. Unsure of what to do about all of it, Chuck decides to just be supportive and to keep Negan happy.

While Negan is busy downstairs one day, Chuck enlists Sherry to help her with a special dinner. Since Negan is still the one that always makes dinner for the pair, Chuck doesn't have too much experience in the kitchen, especially with anything fancy. But Sherry provides the recipe, ingredients, and detailed instructions for Chuck to follow.

Chuck knows about when Negan will come home, so she times out the meal to be ready for then. She gets the steaks seasoned and on the electric grill, baked potatoes in the oven, and mixed vegetables on the stove. She even found a nice bottle of wine for Negan. None for her, of course.

When Negan comes home right on time, Chuck turns back to look at him entering the kitchen.

"Something smells fuckin' awesome." Negan wraps his arms around Chuck from behind and kisses her cheek. "Whatcha doing in here?" He takes the spatula out of Chuck's hand and checks the steaks himself. "The bigger one mine?"

"Yeah. I think it should be about done."

"Looks fuckin' perfect, sweetheart. I'll do the plates up."

"No." She turns around and pushes him slightly back. "Let me. Just go sit down."

As she starts to put all the food on the plates in the fanciest way she possibly can, she hears Negan uncork the bottle of wine. She carries the food to the table just as Negan pours himself a glass.

"I was gonna do that for you," Chuck says as she sets Negan's plate in front of him.

"It's okay." He looks up at her with a smirk. "I got it."

Chuck sits down with her plate, but she doesn't start eating. She waits for Negan to take his first bite, eager to see if she did a good job with Sherry's recipe.

Negan cuts into the steak and takes a big bite, groaning around the food in his mouth. "Fuck me, that's good."

Chuck smiles. "Really?"

He swallows the bite. "Yeah, baby. This is fuckin' awesome."

Chuck beams at his praise. "Good. I'm glad." Chuck starts in on her own food.

He takes bites of the other dishes and approves of them as well. "So what did I do to deserve all this?"

Chuck clears her throat. "You take such good care of me that I thought I should take care of you for once."

Negan chuckles. "You take _real good_ fuckin' care of me, sweetheart." He wiggles his eyebrows at her.

"I don't mean _that_." She giggles. "I mean... everything else."

"I _like_ taking care of you," he replies more seriously.

"I know. But I'm your wife, so I should help out, too."

"Baby girl, you're eight months pregnant. All you gotta do is fuckin' finish cooking that bun in your oven."

After they finish eating, Negan clears the plates before Chuck gets the chance to.

"I can get the dishes," she tries.

"No fuckin' way, baby girl. After you slaved away at that awesome fuckin' dinner for me, the least I can do is the goddamn dishes. Besides, you need to keep off your feet."

Chuck knows that it's useless to fight him, so she goes back into the bedroom and changes into her oversized nightshirt to get more comfortable. But her special night isn't done yet. She roots around in the closet and finds that old familiar chess set and brings it back out to the kitchen.

When Chuck starts to set the board up on the kitchen table, Negan looks back at her from where he's finishing up the dishes.

"You want to play chess?" he asks with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah. We haven't played in a while. I thought you might want to."

Negan lets the water out of the sink and walks to the table. "Okay..."

She looks up at him as he looks down at her. "What?" she asks, not really understanding why he's acting suspicious of her.

"Nothing." He sits down and they start to play.

Chuck isn't exactly playing her best, having pregnancy brain still affect her, so she loses pretty quickly. "Shoot. That wasn't a very good game. You wanna play again? I'll try to do better."

"What's going on, Chuck?" Negan suddenly asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Come on. I'm not an idiot."

"I just... wanted to do something nice," she responds with a shrug. "I can't just be nice?"

"Sure, you're fuckin' nice, but not 'planned out dinner and entertainment' kinda nice."

"Maybe I am now."

"Chuck," he chides, easily looking through Chuck's words.

"I wanted to make you happy. You know, after what you learned about your father. You haven't talked about it all week, so I wasn't sure if it bothered you. I just..." she shrugs, "I want you happy."

He lets out a sigh. "I'm fuckin' happy, okay? But, you know... You're one to talk about dealing with past shit," he says almost teasingly.

"What?"

"You're just as bad as me about it. You tell me the bare fuckin' minimum about what's bothering you, then say 'I'm okay' and that's the end of it. Shit, baby girl, all the shit you've been through and you barely talk about it."

Chuck nods slowly. "I guess we have that in common. But... we _should_ talk to each other, right?"

Negan nods, but keeps his head down. "Yeah. That shit's been bothering me. I hate that my father hurt another woman. Honestly, he probably hurt even more than that. But the thing I hate most about all this shit is that Martin had a good fuckin' life." He looks over to Chuck. "How fuckin' selfish is that? What kinda piece of shit thinks that way? But that's all I've thought about. How I got beaten regularly and he had Sunday fuckin' dinners. How I turned out to be a fuckin' adulterer and he's a family man. We were born the same fuckin' way by the same goddamn man, but I got _shit_ and he got everything."

Chuck reaches over and lays her hand on top of his. "Your childhood was horrible, but you turned out good despite it. You're a good man. You've saved countless lives. You keep us all safe. You _lead_. Martin can't say that."

Negan nods, but it's not very convincing.

"I know a little bit about what you're feeling. When my dad died, I thought, 'Why couldn't it have been someone else? Why couldn't that drunk driver have hit another car?' And that's kinda horrible to think, to wish a death on another family. But I loved my dad so much and I just wanted him back." A tear slips down Chuck's cheek, but Negan is quick to wipe it away. "But it's human nature to think like that. Because we didn't deserve what happened to us. You didn't deserve to have a horrible childhood and I didn't deserve to lose my dad."

"It's still shitty."

"Yeah. But no matter what, you didn't deserve to be abused by your father. Or to lose your mother. Or Lucille. And I know you feel like you did. I can relate, I guess. I _know_ I didn't deserve to be hurt by the guys at Rolling Acres or Brendon or Eldritch, but part of me thinks I'm to blame."

"No," Negan is quick to say. "That's not true. You did absolutely _nothing_ that would warrant what those fuckers did to you."

"I know." She shrugs a shoulder. "But it's easy to think about what more I could've done to stop it all from happening. And that's why I don't like talking about it. I'm afraid you'll realize that I could've done more."

Negan stands from his seat and moves to crouch beside Chuck. He takes her hands in his and kisses both of them. "I would never _ever_ blame you for all that shit. I blame myself before I blame you."

"I don't want you to blame yourself, Negan. I just..." she lets out a heavy breath. "I guess both of us need to work on getting over our pasts before Maddie comes. I want her to be able to talk to us about anything, so we need to be good examples. We need to be open for her."

Negan stands and helps Chuck to stand, too. "Alright, baby girl. Let's get it all out."

They go back into their bedroom and settle down on the couch for an emotional discussion.

"You sure you want to hear all my shit?" Negan asks.

Chuck nods. "If you want to hear mine."

Negan sighs heavily. "Where should I fuckin' start?" He runs his hand down his face. "I mean, I've talked about my childhood with you before. I've told you more things than I've told anybody. Even Lucille, I think. She could never wrap her head around it. Her family was fuckin' perfect. She never dealt with any fuckin' darkness in her whole life. Except me, I guess." He chuckles, but not in humor. "I never wanted to upset her with tales of my shitty life. Like how my father broke my arm when I was five because I got goddamn marker on the carpet. Or how I had to help my mom get her shoulder back in fuckin' place after my father threw her against the wall. I think I was eleven."

"I don't know how anyone could do that to their wife and son."

"My father was a monster. The worst person I've ever fuckin' met. Worse than the dead fucks that walk this earth." Negan's eyes start to well up. "When Lucille couldn't get pregnant, part of me thought it was for the fuckin' best. Because I thought maybe I would turn into a fuckin' monster like him."

"Oh Negan." Chuck cradles his face in her hands. "You're nothing like him. You'll _never_ be anything like him."

"I'm so fuckin' afraid I have the same genes in me that made my father a piece of shit. But I always convinced myself that I'm more like my mom because I look like her. But fuckin' Martin looks like a goddamn clone of my father and he's fuckin' _perfect_. So maybe I do-"

"You don't, Negan," Chuck interrupts. "You _don't_. The fact that you're afraid that you do proves you don't."

"I had a fuckin' panic attack when I told the wives you were pregnant," he blurts out. "Right in front of them."

"You did?" Chuck didn't know that Negan ever had a panic attack before. He's never mentioned it.

"They thought I got you pregnant on fuckin' purpose to force you to become my wife. And it made me think that... maybe I fuckin' _did_ and I didn't realize it. Maybe that part of me that I got from my father woke up and made me do it." Negan's tears start to roll down his cheeks to pool in his beard. "Because it was just a split fuckin' second. That's all it took. A split second of me not fuckin' thinking of you and what you wanted. Only what I wanted. And it was enough to make me lose control." He lets out a sob and looks away.

"Negan, it's okay." Chuck starts to cry, too. She's only seen Negan this emotional once before and it has her own emotions building, as well.

He brings his hands up to cover his face. "I did exactly what my fuckin' father did. I trapped you into being with me. How the fuck can you love me?"

Chuck pulls his hands away and forces him to look at her. "You didn't. You didn't force me. I wanted to have sex with you that night. I didn't talk about using protection. The responsible adult thing to do would have been to discuss everything beforehand, but _neither_ of us did that. I know I was freaked out at first when we found out about the baby, but I know in my heart you would never do anything like what your father did." She wipes away Negan's tears and kisses his cheek. "I love you, Negan. And I love our baby. I wouldn't trade it for the world."

Negan leans forward and puts his forehead to hers. "I never want to be one of the men that has hurt you," he whispers. "You've gone through so fuckin' much." He kisses her then pulls back to look at her. "I never want anything fuckin' bad to happen to you _ever_ again."

"I know I've had bad stuff happen to me. And it still hurts sometimes, but knowing that you'll be there for me really helps. After you brought me here... I didn't tell you the details of everything that happened at Rolling Acres..."

"You don't have to tell me, sweetheart. I know what those fucks did to you."

Chuck nods. "After that, I just felt like I was nothing. Then, with Brendon, he made me feel like nothing, too. Like I was just some pawn in a game that I was too weak to play." Chuck takes in a deep breath then exhales. "Eldritch scared me more than anything because he wasn't just threatening me, he was threatening her, too." Chuck places her hands on her round belly. "And I don't know what I would've done if my actions got her hurt. If I lost her because I couldn't get myself out. If I made _you_ lose her..." Chuck can't finish her thought and holds her hand up to her mouth to stifle a sob.

"Hey, hey." Negan wipes Chuck's cheeks and puts his arm around her in a hug. "It's okay, baby girl. Don't get worked up, okay? I think we've both opened the fuck up enough for one night." He gives her a little kiss. "Okay?"

Chuck nods.

Negan helps her get into bed and situates all the pillows the way Chuck likes before sliding in behind her. Right before Chuck drifts off to sleep, Negan's voice rouses her.

"Chuck?" he whispers.

"Yeah?"

"I think you're making me a better man."

Chuck can't help but smile wide as Negan wraps his arm around her belly. And right at the same time, Maddie starts to kick.


	59. Chapter 59

"Solo! Solo! Too nakma noya Solo!" Chuck calls out in her best Jabba the Hutt voice from her seat on the couch.

Negan can't help but laugh from his seat beside her. "What the fuck? Are you having a stroke?" he jokes

"It's from Star Wars," Chuck answers with a giggle. "Because I'm clearly Jabba the Hutt." She holds her hands out to indicate her size.

Negan sets down his notebook on the coffee table and moves closer to Chuck. "You're still so fuckin' beautiful." He kisses her lips then her belly. "Even as Jabba the Hutt."

She slaps his arm gently. "Well, I hope you know that I'm never going to get pregnant again after this. You have no idea what it feels like just to be uncomfortable for weeks, _months_ on end. Heartburn, peeing every five seconds, leaking everywhere... it's a hassle."

Negan chuckles. "Whatever you say, sweetheart." He smirks at her. "You know as soon as you see Maddie's chubby little face, you're gonna want like ten more kids."

Chuck laughs. "I will _never_ want ten kids. We're not like those weird religious people where the mom is constantly pregnant for like thirty years. Or old timey farmers who need the labor."

"I guess. But we do like to fuck, so..." He shrugs a shoulder.

Chuck and Negan have gotten closer in the past two weeks since they opened up about their pasts. They started to discuss the things that they've never talked about with each other before. Like Chuck's loneliness throughout her life and Negan's difficulties with his self worth. Just having each other to talk to helps both of them tremendously. It also deepens the love that they feel for each other.

One day, Chuck is reading on their bed when Negan comes in.

"Hey," he greets and leans down to kiss Chuck. "Harlan says he wants to see you for a fuckin' checkup."

"Really?" Chuck asks, not knowing why the doctor would want to suddenly see her. "What for?"

"How the fuck should I know? _He's_ the doctor."

"Is he coming up here?" Chuck hopes he is. Getting around is increasingly difficult and it's only going to get worse. She still has about a month and a half to go and she's almost not looking forward to it. Not only is the labor going to be an ordeal, but all the uncomfortable symptoms she's been feeling will only get worse.

"No," Negan answers. "We gotta head downstairs."

"Ugh," Chuck groans.

"You know he said you gotta stay fuckin' active. Some walking will be good for you."

"I'd like to hear you say that when you have an actual living being moving around inside you, adding like a hundred pounds to your belly making pretty much every movement harder."

"A _hundred_ pounds?" he responds suspiciously.

"That's what it feels like."

Negan gets her shoes and helps her put them on after she swings her legs over the side of the bed. "I know it's hard, baby girl. But it's healthier for you and the baby." He helps her out of bed and they go down to the infirmary.

Harlan asks Chuck how she's doing and checks her blood pressure and pulse. It's really all stuff that isn't too necessary, Chuck thinks, but she goes along with it. Maybe Harlan just wants to be thorough.

After the exam, Chuck wants nothing more than to go back upstairs to lie down, but Negan says she should walk a little more. The February weather is still too cold and snowy, so they just walk through the halls. After a while, though, Chuck starts to get frustrated.

"I'm done, Negan. My back hurts. I'm hungry. My feet are swelling. I'm going upstairs with or without you."

He chuckles. "Alright, alright." He takes Chuck's hands and heads to the elevator.

When they get in their apartment, Chuck curiously smells roses.

"Negan?" she questions, but he just continues through his office to the kitchen. Chuck sees the pink scented candles set up on the island as well as a beautiful floral centerpiece on the table. "What is all this?"

Negan still doesn't answer and leads Chuck into the bedroom. More rose scented candles dot the room as well as silk flower bouquets. Silk flower petals are strewn on the bed and floor making the whole scene look like it's out of a romantic movie.

"Negan..." Chuck looks up at him with questioning eyes.

"Did you really think I wouldn't do anything for our first Valentine's Day together?"

"I-I don't know. I figured it wasn't important."

Negan pulls her into him as much as her big belly will allow. "Of course it's fuckin' important. I love the shit outta you. I gotta show it."

Chuck giggles. "I didn't get you anything."

"It doesn't matter. Having you with me is good enough." He bends down to kiss her.

"You're such a softy." She giggles again.

"Oh, you know just how hard I can get," he teases.

Chuck giggles. "Just when I thought you couldn't get any more romantic," she teases sarcastically.

"Anyway." Negan straightens up. "Unfortunately, I couldn't get you real flowers because..." he gestures broadly, " _winter_. And no chocolate. But..." He grabs her hand and leads her back out to the kitchen. He goes over to the counter and takes the lid off of a tray, revealing a small cake and various other confections. "I still got you some sweets."

Chuck can't help but smile ear to ear. "I can't believe you did all of this. It's amazing."

"I also got shit ready to make you dinner. I just gotta throw it in the oven."

"I'm starving. Throw it in now."

Negan laughs. "Alright, princess."

Chuck giggles. He only calls her that when she's being demanding. "You're the one that has me eating for two."

He walks over to Chuck and lays his hand on her belly. "And I take fuckin' care of my girls." He kisses her then moves to turn on the oven.

After their nice meal and dessert, Negan leads Chuck back into the bedroom and they sit on the couch.

"So," Negan starts, sounding almost nervous. "Right when we started The Sanctuary, me and Simon went to every building in a ten mile radius looking for fuckin' supplies. Didn't matter what it was, we brought back anything we thought could be useful. Shit was looted, but it was early enough that most of it wasn't picked clean. And people were dumb as fuck at the start, thinking money and electronics were the things they should be hoarding. We came across this jewelry store and I told Simon there'd be nothing we could use in there. But he said, 'maybe they had a gun in the back room,' or some shit, so we looked around. It was picked fuckin' over. Those dumb bastards wasted time and energy picking up fuckin' diamonds when they should've been looking for water and food."

Chuck raises her eyebrows and laughs a little, not knowing why Negan is telling her all this.

He clears his throat. "Anyway. We're looking around for something useful and I see this shiny thing out of the corner of my eye. I pick it up and it's this antique silver locket. All ornate and shit. The tag says it's from 1920 and the back of it's engraved with July 10 '20. I open it up, but there's no pictures in it. I have no idea why, but I stick that shit in my pocket. I kept that thing with me for a long time, for some reason. I really don't know why. Then when this shit was all up and running, I stuck it in the warehouse in the 'not for sale' shit." He pauses.

"Okay...?"

Negan chuckles at her confusion. "I fuckin' forgot about it until the other day when I was searching for the perfect gift for you." He reaches in his pocket and pulls out the locket he had just described. "And then it fuckin' hit me why I must've fuckin' kept it. July 10, 2020 is the day we conceived her." He puts his free hand on Chuck's stomach. "July 10 '20. Just like it says on the locket. I don't know if I'm going fuckin' crazy in my old age, but I think the universe, or maybe Lucille or whatever, was telling me something. It was telling me the best day of my life was fuckin' coming. And that was making this little girl with you."

Chuck's eyes well up with tears. "Oh my god, Negan," she chokes out. "I-I..." She looks up at him, completely at a loss for words. "That's so beautiful." She takes the locket from his hand and looks it over. It's oval, not too small, with an ornate tree decorating the front. The date is engraved in beautiful delicate script on the back of it.

"I know pictures are fuckin' hard to come by nowadays, but I thought we could put some of Maddie's hair in it. When she comes. When she has some hair."

Chuck can't hold back and lets out a sob.

"Shit." Negan wraps his arms around her. "You hate it."

Chuck shakes her head in his arms fervently. "I love it so much." She pulls back from him and wipes her face. "This is so special. I'll always remember this, Negan." She leans forward and kisses him then turns around so Negan can put the necklace on her. When she turns back to Negan, he has a huge smile on his face.

He reaches over to pick the locket up. "It looks so fuckin' good on you." He sets it back down on her chest just above her cleavage prominently showcased in the maxi dress she is wearing.

Chuck smiles back and a warmth fills her body. "Let's go to bed."

"It's early, yet."

She gives him a look telling him that she doesn't exactly want to sleep.

"Oh." He grins, but then his expression turns serious. "Are you sure you're up to it?"

"Are you turning me down?"

"Fuck no. I just don't want to hurt you."

"It'll be fine." She bites her lip and stares up at her husband with wide eyes.

Negan practically lets out a growl, "Shit, girl. I could never say no to you." As he stands, he pulls Chuck up with him.

Once they get close to the bed, Negan starts to strip quickly. "How are we doing this, logistically?"

Chuck laughs at his obvious enthusiasm. It has been a while since they've had sex. With Chuck's growing belly, she hasn't really been up for that kind of activity. Not to mention that she feels like a gross beached whale all the time. But his thoughtfulness has her wanting that intimacy with him again.

"On our sides," she decides and pulls her dress off.

When they get into bed in the spooning position, Negan knows exactly what to do. He still knows her body perfectly even though it's changed so much over the last eight months. And he knows just what to say to make her feel like the sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world.

As they come down from their highs, Chuck thinks that this is the absolutely most perfect ending to this beautiful day. Making love to her husband on the first Valentine's Day she's ever celebrated in her life.

As the weeks go by, Chuck starts to feel even more uncomfortable. All those feelings of anxiousness about having the baby are now turning into an anxiousness to just get her out.

Just a few days before Chuck's due date, she's sitting on the couch in Negan's office as he looks over some inventory sheets. He's been reluctant to leave Chuck as her due date approaches, so Simon has taken on most of Negan's duties, though Negan still keeps an eye, or ear, on things through the radio.

"That's it," Chuck says in an exasperated tone and sets down the book in her hands. "I'm putting up an eviction notice, missy. Vacate the premises immediately," she says to her stomach.

Negan laughs as he looks up from his work. "You're kicking our baby out?"

"Yes. It's about time she gets out there and makes a life for herself."

He laughs again and stands from his desk to go over to the couch. "It's not even your due date, yet." He sets his hand gently on Chuck's stomach.

"She's technically full term now. I've been getting Braxton Hicks contractions, so I could go into labor at any time."

"Be patient, mommy," he coos as he rubs her belly.

"I want this baby out of me. Like now. I'm the size of a house. My whole lower body feels like it weighs ten tons. And whenever she moves a certain way, she hits a nerve that feels like I just got took a cattle prod to the vagina."

Negan chuckles. "Really?"

"Yeah. It sucks. If men had to be pregnant, no family would have more than one child, I swear."

Negan's smile slowly fades. "But you're fuckin' excited, right?"

Chuck sees the hurt in his eyes. "Of course I'm excited. I'm sorry I'm complaining so much. I want to see Maddie more than anything. But I also want my body back, too."

"Is it really bad enough that you don't want any other kids?"

Chuck suddenly feels bad because Negan looks really hurt. "I'm mostly joking about that. I'm sorry, Negan. I didn't think..." She grabs his hand to hold. "I don't want a _huge_ family, but I think a sibling for Maddie would be nice."

Negan smiles. "Yeah?"

Chuck nods. "Yeah. In a few years." She pulls his hand up to her face to kiss. "But if Maddie doesn't come by her due date, I'm gonna cry."

When Chuck exes out April 1 on the calendar in the nursery, she lets out a little laugh. "You see that, Maddie?" she says as she holds her large belly. "Today's the day. You can come any time now."

As breakfast passes, then lunch, then dinner and no Maddie, Chuck gets a little defeated.

"It must be fuckin' comfy in your tummy there," Negan comments as he slips into bed behind Chuck that night. "Maddie doesn't want to leave."

"I want her to come soon."

"I know, baby girl." He snakes his arm around her and kisses her temple. "Tomorrow. She'll be here."

"Hopefully."

That's not the case. As Negan's birthday on the seventh approaches, and still no baby, Chuck is getting even more anxious. There is a big birthday bash being planned for Negan and Maddie, but it seems like Maddie is going to be a no show. The party must go on, though. All of the residents love Negan's birthday parties and are looking forward to it too much to cancel.

"We can postpone until she comes," Negan says to Chuck as they're sitting in bed the night before Negan's party.

"You know we can't. People are so excited already."

"Well. It'll still be celebrating her birth. Just early instead of fuckin' late like we thought."

"I won't be able to get down there."

"Okay, sweetheart. I'll just make a quick fuckin' appearance and come back up here."

"I wanted to get you something," Chuck says apologetically. "But I haven't been able to because Maddie is being stubborn. I don't even have a gift for your birthday."

"Don't fuckin' worry about it, sweetheart. I don't need fuckin' gifts from you."

"Worst wife ever," she mutters.

"Nah. You're fuckin' amazing," he responds with a smirk.

Chuck giggles. "What did I do to deserve you?"

"It wasn't half as good as whatever I did to deserve you."

Later that night, a contraction wakes Chuck up. She's been having random ones, so it doesn't really bother her too much. When she realizes she needs to pee, she lets out a groan, knowing that she'll have to make the trek to the bathroom. As soon as she sits up, Negan stirs awake.

"Baby?" he rasps out.

Chuck giggles, unsure if he's calling her "baby" or asking about the baby. "I gotta pee," she clarifies.

Negan swings his legs over the bed and walks around it to Chuck's side. He helps her stand and walks with her to the bathroom. Chuck does her business as Negan yawns in front of her, going through the same nightly routine as they have been for the past week or so. As they leave the bathroom, Chuck feels something strange, like a pop. Then she feels warm liquid running down her leg.

"Negan?"

He turns back to her, his eyes half closed in his tired state. "Huh?"

"My water just broke."

All sleep leaves his face instantly. "What?"

"My water broke. The baby's coming."

He looks at her for a few moments, his face showcasing various emotions rapidly. "I'm calling Harlan."

As Negan goes to his bedside table to get the radio and turn on a light, Chuck strips off her wet underwear from under her large sleep shirt and grabs a towel from the bathroom to throw over the mess she made.

"Harlan, wake the fuck up." Negan barks into the radio.

A minute later, Harlan's voice comes out of the device. " _How's Chuck?_ " he asks instantly.

"Water broke."

" _Any contractions?_ "

Negan looks back to Chuck for the answer. Chuck holds her hand out to take the radio from him to answer for herself.

"Yeah, I think so," she says into it. "I was sleeping until a few minutes ago and one woke me up."

" _I'll keep you upstairs until the labor has progressed more. You'll be more comfortable up there while I get the infirmary set up. Get Kayla to sit with you._ "

Kayla's voice suddenly comes over the speaker. " _I'm already on my way._ " She must've heard the radio go off and got ready quickly, knowing that she would be needed.

Chuck hands the radio back to Negan, who throws it haphazardly on the bed.

"Holy shit, baby girl." He hugs Chuck. "We're gonna be parents today."

Chuck giggles, but it turns into a gasp as the realization really hits her. "I'm gonna have this baby today."

"What do you need? Do you need to sit? Or lay down?"

"Um. I'll sit on the couch. Get some towels so I don't make a mess."

Negan rushes back into the bathroom and comes out with some towels. He sets them on the couch and Chuck sits on them. Negan is practically vibrating as he sits beside her.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

"Fuck yeah. I'm fine."

"You're really amped."

"I'm gonna meet my little girl. I'm fuckin' excited."

Chuck take a deep breath. "I'm nervous."

He pulls her head in to kiss her. "Don't be nervous, baby girl. I'm gonna be right here. And Harlan and Kayla, too."

As if on cue, there's a soft knock on the bedroom door. " _It's Kayla,_ " comes from the other side.

"Come in," Negan calls out.

Kayla walks in and goes to Chuck. "I had a feeling you'd go into labor today. How are you doing so far?"

"Okay," Chuck answers not convincingly.

"You're gonna do great," Kayla reassures.

"When are we going downstairs?" Negan asks excitedly.

"Not until her contractions get closer together."

Negan stands up. "I'm gonna get dressed right now then, just in fuckin' case." He goes off into his closet to put some clothes on.

When Chuck's first contraction hits, Kayla notes the time. It takes several hours for them to get closer together, so Chuck gets something to eat and tries to rest, knowing that she will need her energy.

Negan, however, has been pacing around relaying orders onto the radio. He tells Simon that he's not to be disturbed and that Simon needs to handle everything. Simon agrees happily and tells Negan not to worry. When Simon asks about the party scheduled for that night, Negan tells him to keep the party on schedule even if the two honorees won't be there.

The radio practically explodes when everyone starts to give their congratulations. Negan plays it pretty cool as he talks into the radio, but he has a huge smile on his face.

Another contraction hits and Kayla looks at her watch. "It's almost time now."

Negan sits back down beside Chuck and takes her hand. "Are you okay?"

Chuck nods. "I'm just anxious. I wish I could just snap my fingers and she would be here."

"Me, too." Negan lifts Chuck's hand to kiss it.

Chuck groans as another contraction hits. She squeezes Negan's hand as the pain sharpens.

"It's okay, baby girl. Just breathe."

As the pain subsides and Chuck relaxes once again, Kayla takes her other hand. "It's time to head downstairs."

"Shit," Negan mutters and stands. "It's time," he repeats with a little nervousness in his voice.

"It's gonna be fine, Negan," Kayla says gently then informs Harlan on the radio.

Negan nods then helps Chuck to her feet. "You ready?"

Chuck can see that his eyes are misty. "I'm ready."

Negan and Kayla get Chuck into the wheelchair they've had waiting in the hall and push her to the elevator. Since it's now morning, there are people all through the halls starting their days. But as Negan and Chuck go through the halls on the way to the infirmary, people stop what they're doing to kneel, like they do when they see Negan. Chuck doesn't expect the cheers and applause as she passes, though. Everyone shouts their well wishes and Chuck swears she sees tears streaming down some people's faces. She can't help but smile at the residents' supportive words. Never would she have thought that people would care about her this much.

When they get to the infirmary, Harlan is waiting in scrubs. There's a hospital gown and more scrubs spread out on the exam table.

"Put the gown on then get on the far bed so I can check your cervix," Harlan says to Chuck. Then he looks to Negan. "Change into the scrubs. You, too, Kayla."

Kayla gets the scrubs and takes them into the bathroom. Negan helps Chuck change, then changes his clothes in the room without caring who else is there. When they're all done, Chuck gets in the far bed, just like Harlan had told her, with Negan watching on beside her.

"Okay, Chuck." Harlan puts some gloves on. "I'm going to check your dilation. Put your feet together then open your knees."

Chuck takes a deep breath. "Okay." With Negan's help, she does what Harlan requests.

Harlan sticks his fingers inside her to check her cervix. It's uncomfortable for Chuck, but it's not really painful.

"We got a little ways to go, yet," he comments then removes his hand. "We'll keep checking."

Negan sits down in the chair beside Chuck and curls his arm over her head to lean into her. "I love you so much, baby girl," he whispers.

"I love you, too."

When Harlan checks again a few hours later, he says she's almost fully dilated.

"So the baby comes then, right?" Negan asks excitedly.

"Not immediately, probably. Things will be a little slower since this is Chuck's first pregnancy. It's hard to give you an exact time."

Chuck lets out a groan. "This is taking forever!" she hisses in frustration.

Kayla runs her hand over Chuck's forehead from the other side of the bed. "But at the end you get to meet your baby."

"Can I walk around?" Chuck asks, already sick of laying in bed.

Harlan answers. "Sure. You can walk around. It might get things moving along faster."

With Negan's arm around her and Kayla on the other side, Chuck paces the room. As she rubs her belly and takes in deep breaths, she tries to calm herself for the actual delivery, which, hopefully, will start any minute now.

"Contraction," she groans and halts her movement.

Negan holds her hand in his and rubs her back with the other. "You're doing so fuckin' good, Chuck." He really is being so supportive of her. Through her pain, Chuck thinks that she couldn't possibly ask for a better partner.

When Chuck is fully dilated, everyone gets into position. She had decided, with Harlan and Kayla's input, against delivering the baby while laying on the bed. Instead, she will squat on the floor with Negan and Kayla's support as Harlan monitors everything.

"The baby isn't quite down the birth canal," Harlan comments from the floor.

Chuck groans in frustration. "Come on!"

"It's okay." Negan rubs her back in assurance. "Maddie will be here in no fuckin' time."

When a contraction hits, Negan is right there holding Chuck up. Despite these regular contractions, the labor goes pretty slowly. And it's taking a toll on Chuck.

"Alright, Chuck," Harlan calls out. "You gotta keep pushing."

Chuck lets out a sob. She's sweaty, tired, and in pain. Not to mention frustrated. "I can't," she cries.

Negan, who is pretty much the only thing holding Chuck up now, tries to comfort her. "I know you can. You're the strongest fuckin' person I know. You can do this, baby girl."

Chuck cries again and starts to push. "Ung!"

"That's it," Negan whispers in her ear. You're doing so fuckin' good."

"Okay, Chuck. Take a few breaths," the doctor says.

Kayla runs a cool rag over Chuck's forehead. "Maddie's almost here. Just a few more pushes."

Negan kisses Chuck's sweaty head. "I love you, Chuck. Another big push, baby girl."

Chuck takes a deep breath as her muscles shake with fatigue. When she feels the urge, she pushes hard with a loud grunt.

"I see her head," Harlan says. "One more push."

"Holy shit," Negan whispers as he wraps his arms around Chuck tighter under her arms to support her.

Chuck takes another breath and pushes. She suddenly feels relief as Harlan pulls the baby free.

Kayla moves to help lift Chuck as Harlan holds the baby. "Let's get her in bed." She and Negan practically carry Chuck the short distance to the bed and lay her down. Kayla pulls Chuck's hospital gown down to expose her skin.

Before Harlan can place the newborn onto Chuck's chest, she starts to cry out a soft wail. "Let's get you to mommy," he says to the baby in a gentle voice. He gives her to Chuck then places a soft towel over her.

Negan sits beside the bed and leans over his family. "I told you she'd be beautiful like her momma." He raises his trembling hand to lightly smooth over the tuft of red hair on his newborn's head.

"She's perfect," Chuck chokes out.

When Chuck peels her eyes away from her child to Negan, she sees tears streaming down his face. "Negan..." She moves slightly to bring her face closer to his.

He takes the hint and leans down to kiss Chuck. "I love you," he whispers. "Thank you for this," he responds as his voice cracks with emotion.

"Oh, Negan. I love you, too."

"Do you want to cut the cord?" Harlan interrupts their moment to ask Negan.

Negan wipes his face and stands. "Yeah." He follows Harlan's instructions and cuts the cord with slightly shaking hands.

After Chuck delivers the placenta and gets cleaned up a little, Maddie is placed back on her chest. After a few minutes, Maddie seeks out Chuck's nipple to have her first feeding. Kayla helps Chuck with how to hold the baby best while breastfeeding. All the while, Negan watches on with one hand on the baby, looking completely in awe.

"She has your green eyes, too," Negan whispers to Chuck while he gently strokes the baby's head.

"She does," Chuck responds. "I love her so much already."

As Kayla and Harlan move around the little family cleaning the room, Negan and Chuck are perfectly content just watching their little girl.

Kayla's voice eventually breaks the silence. "You and Maddie have the same birthday, Negan."

Negan's tired smile gets even wider. "This is the best fuckin' gift I could've ever gotten."

After a while, Kayla comes around to the bed. "Why don't we let Chuck sleep. Do you want to hold her?" she asks Negan.

"Fuck yeah."

"Can he lay in bed with me," Chuck asks with a tired voice.

Kayla carefully lifts Maddie out of Chuck's arms. "Of course. Take your shirt of first, though," she tells Negan.

He pulls the scrubs shirt over his head and takes off his shoes to get in bed with Chuck. Kayla comes around to the other side of the bed and sets Maddie in his arms.

When Maddie starts to fuss a little, Negan's whole face falls. "She doesn't want me."

"Just hold her," Kayla reassures then sits in the chair Negan just left. "She'll settle. She really just wants warmth right now."

After a few moments, the baby does calm down and closes her eyes to sleep. Chuck leans forward to give her a little kiss, then lays back to sleep herself.

— Negan's POV —

I just lay there beside Chuck, holding my baby and shifting my gaze between the two of them. Every few minutes, I gotta wipe the tears from my face. I've never cried tears of fuckin' joy like this. Not on my wedding day. Not when Lucille went into remission. Not even when I got Chuck back. Yeah, there may have been a few goddamn tears, but not like this.

"She really is beautiful," Kayla comments quietly then touches Maddie's head softly. "And so much red hair already," she says with a little fuckin' chuckle.

I look over the Kayla and she moves her hand to wipe my cheek. "Shit." I finish wiping my face. "Do dads usually blubber this fuckin' much?"

"Some do. I always like the ones that do better. It tells me they're actually in it for the long haul. Before all this, I had some men not even want to be in the delivery room during birth. Those were the men that never cared about their kids. They left them to their wives or nannies to raise. They just wanted someone to pass their name onto."

"I forgot you worked with rich pricks."

She nods. "I saw that kind of disconnect too often. That's the part of the job I always hated about working with the upper class. A child shouldn't be an accessory. And parents should always be a team."

"Well, I'm gonna do my part. I wanna change fuckin' diapers. Get spit up on. Only sleep a few hours a night. I wanna be right there when Chuck has to feed her. Everything."

Kayla smiles softly at me. "You told me once that I'd be a good mother. Well, I'm telling you now that you're gonna be an amazing father." She wipes my cheek again.

"Don't tell anyone I fuckin' cried this much."

She chuckles then makes the zip motion over her closed lips. "I know you have to keep up appearances and be seen as the strong hardass. But I like this softer version of you a lot better. Chuck's brought out a better part of you."

Chuck shifts in her sleep and rests her head on my shoulder so I turn my head to look at her. I know she's worn out. Her hair's still sweaty and matted. She's got bags under her eyes and her skin's all blotchy. But I swear, she looks more beautiful now than she ever has. And I didn't think it was possible, but my love for her grew so much the second I saw Maddie.

"I'm so glad Chuck came into your life," Kayla whispers.

I look back to Kayla without responding cuz I don't fuckin' have to. Chuck is the best thing that's ever happened to me and everyone fuckin' knows it.


	60. Chapter 60

The next chapter of this story can be found here.

I am so thankful for everyone that has read, left kudos, and commented on this story. I honestly didn't expect anyone to really love this story as much as some of you have. I was just hoping for people not to be mean to me about it. Haha! But now it's time for Chuck and Negan to grow into a new story, so I hope you'll stick with me and enjoy The Flame is Gone, The Fire Remains.


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